Work Text:
[…]
santana @santanalopezz posted on instagram:
[ description: a picture of santana and brittany in a mcdonald’s parking lot. the golden arches and lights of the building are blurred behind them, they are clearly the focus of the picture. santana is wearing a short a-line pastel green dress, and brittany is wearing green trousers with a black turtleneck. brittany is kissing santana, her hands cupped around her cheeks, one foot kicked back in the air. santana is smiling into the kiss and throwing her hands up above her head. in one of her hands is a shamrock shake. ]
santanalopezz: kiss me, this milkshake is irish.
brittanyspierce: im so lucky to have u <333
tinasdisposables: cutest couple
mercedesjones_: no bc this is everything.
[…]
The NewD irections [wednesday, 9:09am]
rachel barbra berry:
- it’s going to be ST PATRICKS DAY???
- why did nobody tell me?
quinn fabgay:
- babe how did you NOT KNOW
fuckerman:
- in re to rachel; because you take a fucking holiday and run with it. like sid from ice age when he finally gets the acorn. but with holidays
- thats rachel berry
lady mercedes:
- i didnt know you were so versed in the ice age franchise
fuckerman:
- i dont have a lot of hobbies
- once you slushy every kid in lima theres not a lot to do
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- some kids turn to drugs, noah puckerman turned to ice age
finn huds:
- damn.
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- those movies are so shitty its not even funny
quinn fabgay:
- ok but like am i the only one who never got what st patty’s is about
- like i’m all for appreciating and celebrating irish-american culture! but i must admit it’s interesting just how mainstream it is
brittany lopierce:
- st patrick’s day is about leprechaun magic full stop
blaine warbler:
- brittany i thought you didnt believe in all that anymore
brittany lopierce:
- if leprechauns arent real who was that one kid that lived in my house then
santana lopierce:
- oh my god, blonde merida manchild!
finn huds:
- lmao what
- what was his real name
tina cc:
- i can’t remember
- it was something like AGGRESIVELY irish though
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- damian?
- declan?
- ronan?
tina cc:
- no, it was like even more irish
lady mercedes:
- somebody help me out here
- what the fuck was it
blaine warbler:
- mercedes said the fuck word
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- mercedes said the fuck word
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- it was rory.
tina cc:
- yes!! rory!
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- our irish king
finn huds:
- king of the irish
- he told me i was irish
- idk i’m just so white i chose to believe him
lady mercedes:
- on another note can you believe there are 13 of us and not one of us is ginger
quinn fabgay:
- ?
rachel barbra berry:
- ms. pillsbury is a redhead, and she’s sort of associated with the glee club. does that count?
fuckerman:
- is she the hot secretary mr schue is banging
rachel barbra berry:
- she is the *guidance counselor* that mr schuester is *engaged to*
fuckerman:
- same thing.
finn huds:
- actually in their case i don’t think it is
lady mercedes:
- ew tmi tmi
mike chang:
- ok wait so if todays tuesday, thursday is st patrick’s right
brittany lopierce:
- yuh
- everybody make sure you wear green for ronni the irish king
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- rory*
rachel barbra berry:
- wait
- do we have to wear green every day this week? or just thursday?
- i don’t want to get pinched
tina cc:
- i bet you were pinched a lot as a kid.
rachel barbra berry:
- i resent that!
brittany lopierce:
- i resent you
rachel barbra berry:
-
(dramatically storms
out of the gc)
santana lopierce:
- well now that that’s out of the way does anybody want to partake in irish culture and have a drunk st patricks day party
fuckerman:
- do you even have to ask
santana lopierce:
- @ frankenteen and lady hummel and trouty mouth can you host please
finn huds:
- well since you asked so nicely
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- fine but don’t get too drunk
- burt and carole respect you all too much
brittany lopierce:
- lol y
- that is so silly of them
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- just don’t black out and don’t break shit
mike chang:
- aw man.
fuckerman:
- come on mike we can work with this
mike chang:
- but everyone knows its more fun when you dont remember a second
- the adrenaline’s pumping, your BAC is dangerously high, suddenly you’re doing kick jumps off grandma’s kitchen table
quinn fabgay:
- ok i HAVE to hear that story
rachel barbra berry:
- oh my goodness.
finn huds:
- wait ok so thursday night at 8?
tina cc:
- cool but what about school on friday
fuckerman:
- wut
- just dont go
tina cc:
- but my perfect attendance record
fuckerman:
- die then idc
quinn fabgay:
- thank you hudmels for always hosting us
- we love you for it
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- it feels like a party every day
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- you’re all exhausting
- what i do for love
[…]
private message from rachel barbra berry to quinn fabgay [wednesday, 11:02am]
rachel barbra berry:
- HELP i don’t have anything green to wear to school or finn’s party
quinn fabgay:
- i don’t think the green thing is gonna be enforced
rachel barbra berry:
- but what if it is
- i don’t want to be pinched
- tina is right i got pinched so much as a kid
- so much
quinn fabgay:
- ok ok calm ur tits sandra bullock it’s gonna be ok
rachel barbra berry:
- i am not that dramatic :(
quinn fabgay:
- babe…
rachel barbra berry:
- :(
quinn fabgay:
- you can come over to my house and i’ll let you borrow one of my green tops ok
rachel barbra berry:
- are you sure :/
quinn fabgay:
- yes sandy
rachel barbra berry:
- stop
quinn fabgay:
- come over after glee?
rachel barbra berry:
- yes yes yes
quinn fabgay:
- ok:)
[…]
kurt’s existential crisis @thisismecrying posted on twitter!
kurt’s existential crisis @thisismecrying
is luck of the irish supposed to be good luck? because im a little irish and im at mcdonald’s for a shamrock and the ice cream machine is broken and i hate my life
satana lopez @lopezpierce
go to the one on lance st
kurt’s existential crisis @thisismecrying
that’s the one i’m at ik ur trying to trick me
satana lopez @lopezpierce
its part of my leprechaun magic
kurt’s existential crisis @thisismecrying
i hate this fucking holiday
[…]
private message from santana lopierce to lady mercedes [thursday, 1:21pm]
santana lopierce:
- schue brought green donuts to spanish class today do u want me to snag u one
lady mercedes:
- bitch YES
- ur so cool n i love u
santana lopierce:
- you are my only friend who’s not in this godforsaken class i didn’t want you to feel left out
lady mercedes:
- wym only like 4 people from glee are in spanish
santana lopierce:
- yeah me quinn britt and lady hummel idc about the rest of them
lady mercedes:
- ykw? that’s valid. i respect.
- also thank you!
- also why are you in spanish? i’ve heard you yell at rachel you could teach the class
santana lopierce:
- honestly i could teach the class better than schuester
- one time i told him to go fuck himself in espanol and he just smiled and said my diction was really good
lady mercedes:
- live laugh love
santana lopierce:
- die cry hate
[…]
The NewD irections [thursday, 2:01pm]
brittany lopierce:
- hey guys
- guys
finn huds:
- omg what
brittany lopierce:
- what are the best shoes to wear on st patricks day??
rachel barbra berry:
- green ones presumably
- so you dont get pinched
quinn fabgay:
- oh my god
tina cc:
- idk clogs?
brittany lopierce:
- you’re all wrong
- it’s lepre-converse
santana lopierce:
- you’re so cute
brittany lopierce:
- i have another one
- how do u know if an irish dude is havin fun
santana lopierce:
- idk how
brittany lopierce:
- he’s dublin over with laughter
fuckerman:
- i dont get it
[…]
private message from blaine warbler to kurt elizabeth hummel [thursday, 4:24pm]
blaine warbler:
- im coming to ur house >:)
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- yay yay yay
- finn and sam are trying to learn how to irish jig and i desperately need a distraction
blaine warbler:
- they’re what?
- you know what never mind
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- it’s better not to ask questions
- any occasion you’re coming over?
blaine warbler:
- i just want to hang out, is that ok?
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- yeah of COURSE!
- see you soon!
blaine warbler:
- yeah! love you!
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- love you:)))
[…]
blaine warbler updated their private story: blainey days
[ description: a picture of kurt and blaine, each holding a mcdonald’s shamrock shake. while blaine looks at kurt, kurt is looking directly at the milkshake, smiling at it adoringly. captioned: get yourself a man who looks at you the way kurt looks at shamrock shakes ]
[…]
quinn fabgay updated their private story: all i can say is good luck, beth
[ description: a picture of beth and rachel in quinn’s room. rachel is wearing a light green top with a dark green cardigan - both quinn’s - and a pair of black jeans. she is holding beth, who is wearing a leprechaun costume and laughing at her. beth is smiling back up at her. captioned: my girls! ]
[…]
The NewD irections [thursday, 5:32pm]
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- hudmel house tonight at 8 be there or be square
brittany lopierce:
- be there or be 4 leaf clover
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- brittany i appreciate your enthusiasm but what
brittany lopierce:
- i thought it was the shape thing
tina cc:
- it’s the rhyme i-
santana lopierce:
- tbh its kinda lame you’re not having corned beef and cabbage tonight
finn huds:
- this is a high school party
santana lopierce:
- ok and?
finn huds:
- i work 4x a week and have a child all i can afford is little caesar’s
lady mercedes:
- caesars? what is this the ides of march?
quinn fabgay:
- high quality joke very nice
santana lopierce:
- caesars is ass. no wonder they stabbed the guy he can’t even sell decent pizza
rachel barbra berry:
- actually, in the time in which st patrick’s day originated, many irish-american immigrants celebrated with corned beef and cabbage, because they were the cheapest meat and the cheapest vegetable respectively at the time.
arthur:
- she knows all this yet she didnt know it was st paddys until tuesday
quinn fabgay:
- its ok she’s trying her best
rachel barbra berry:
- hmph
finn huds:
- regardless of your green status im going to pinch you all
rachel barbra berry:
- NO
- im going to wear so much green you are going to be so breaking the rules
finn huds:
- so? im not five
santana lopierce:
- yes you are
finn huds:
- im going to pinch you most of all
santana lopierce:
- omg wanky
[…]
tina cc updated their private story: too young to be bitter club
[ description: a shaky video in the hudson-hummel basement. everyone around is either visibly intoxicated, or holding a drink and clearly getting there. the camera is focused (focused is a relative term) on sam and finn, who are sloppily kicking their feet about in attempt to be in rythym with the irish jig music playing in the background. from behind the camera, mercedes, tina, and quinn are cackling and occasionally heckling at them. captioned: hold me closwr timy dancqr ]
[…]
The NewD irections [friday, 12:31am]
santana lopierce:
- wheres teh bathhrom
finn huds:
- idk upstares sumwhair
santana lopierce:
- oh r u surre
finn huds:
- i thjink so
santana lopierce:
- which way js hupstares
finn huds:
- left
santana lopierce:
- okayy
[…]
kurt elizabeth hummel updated their private story: funeral guest list
[ description: a picture of finn, rachel, and quinn sitting on the couch in that order respectively. each look incredibly tired. finn reaches a hand directly in front of him, and says, “i’m going to pinch you.” rachel groans, “no, don’t,” and quinn shakes her head in solidarity, but finn reaches out and vaguely grabs at the skin on her arm, clearly doing very little. rachel grunts and pulls her arm away, and finn laughs drunkenly, and says “you just got finn-ched ”. captioned: beware of the finncher ]
[…]
The NewD irections [friday, 1:52am]
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- if i had a npckle for every thyme blane troed to get on the oven id have a dime
- but it’s weird fbag it happend twjce right
- blane
- blayn
- blén
- how doo u sprll ur naem
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- he is like full on IN the oven
brittany lopierce:
- how r u gonna ght hm out
quinn fabgay:
- “lube” - emma stone, snl
- oh come on somebody tell me im not the only one who saw that clip
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- i saw it i just don’t care
quinn fabgay:
- die. the emma stone snl videos are peak comedy
blaine warbler:
- ghys whare am i
- kurt ur hows got sooo small
- whare r u guys
[…]
private message from santana lopierce to brittany lopierce [friday, 1:57pm]
santana lopierce:
- baaabe
- baaaaaaaaaby
- britttitaneyyyy
brittany lopierce:
- wut
santana lopierce:
- r u irish
brittany lopierce:
- i dunno
- mu mom is german and my dsd is korean
santana lopierce:
- wait wut
brittany lopierce:
- i didn’t do teh masth but that mjght make me irish
- r u irish
santana lopierce:
- no i’m hispanick
- his panic
- her panic?
- hispanish
- im not even gonna try
brittany lopierce:
- then y r we celebrating
santana lopierce:
- cause puxkasaurus said thair would be alcohol
brittany lopierce:
- oh yeah
- wanna go get a drnk
santana lopierce:
- yeah
- wanna make owt
brittany lopierce:
- yea
[…]
The NewD irections [friday, 2:02am]
fuckerman sent a snap!
[ description: a video of sam, blaine, and brittany sloppily doing a choreographed dance to eminem’s “the real slim shady”. in the background, santana and mercedes’ are swaying to the music. santana says drunkenly, “i like this song, i like this song,” while mercedes nods as if she is really feeling the music. when the song ends, everybody around cheers excitedly and mercedes (drunk) and kurt (sober) both yell, “that’s my boyfriend!” sam drunkenly makes out with mercedes, and while blaine tries to kiss kurt, kurt pushes him away, and says, “your breath is terrible!” ]
[…]
The NewD irections [friday, 10:27am]
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- level of pain: extreme
finn huds:
- somebody is in my bed and it is not me
fuckerman:
- sorry i thought this was my house
finn huds:
- what the fuck you are so wasted
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- to whoever threw up inside my ukulele: fuck you
- you owe me 65 dollars
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- you’re all insane
- am i the only one who stayed sober
quinn fabgay:
- me i did
- lmao sucks to be all of you right now
santana lopierce:
- last shred of dignity: getting wasted and staying over at effing frankenteen’s house
brittany lopierce:
- facts
lady mercedes:
- omg guys stop texting
- my head is pounding
- how are we all going to get home
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- im not putting a single person in my car yall can walk
arthur:
- ableism?
finn huds:
- luck of the irish more like hangover of the potentially irish
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- if thats supposed to be a pun i officially declare you unfunny and disinvite you from being a part of my life
finn huds:
- fuck you
tina cc:
- ireland, if you’re listening: fuck you for this holiday
fuckerman:
- i second
brittany lopierce:
- hangovers are a sign of weakness
- i didnt get one
finn huds:
- ? you drank all night ?
brittany lopierce:
- guess im just better than you all soz
fuckerman:
- you are NOT
santana lopierce:
- die.