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Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations the characters find themselves in. Thanks so much for continuing to read and giving me feedback on my work. It's muchly appreciated, and I do read every review you send me!
This is crack. Pure crack. I saw that clip from 'Justice League Dark: Apokolips War' on YouTube and my brain came up with this oneshot. I have so many regrets. But I had to get this out of my head, so yeah...enjoy?
John's Ex Boyfriend?
The bar's owner had made some effort to dress the place up for Valentine's Day, and the decorations had yet to be taken down. The white fairy lights that had been hung up over the Christmas season were back, and red heart cutouts had been added and attached to the only slightly dingy walls. It was pretty tasteful and festive for a bar in Gotham City. It was also clever marketing, since there was no shortage of bars or clubs in a city like Gotham. This particular one was a working man's bar, queer friendly and situated in a relatively decent part of the city. It usually did a good business, and generally didn't attract the seedier elements.
Thank God for gender stereotypes and straight guys terrified to have their sexuality questioned if they came in. It kept the crime and destruction of property down.
Sitting alone in a corner booth was Detective John Blake of Gotham PD. He'd just got off a long shift and was looking to eat some pretty decent chicken wings, down a beer or two, and maybe even get lucky depending on the night's clientele. He wasn't normally the type to go looking for a one-night stand, but his ex was back in the city and had made that known.
As in he'd called and made it clear that there was room in his bed for Blake over the next couple of weeks.
Then off he'd go to do bad guy stuff, Blake thought with a grimace. Antihero stuff, if Blake was trying to be positive. And then Blake, well he'd be back to being single and full of self-loathing over the fact that he just couldn't seem to quit Bane no matter how hard he tried. Ergo finding someone else to scratch that particular type of itch was the smarter thing to do.
And because the Fates hated him just that much, it was then that the front door to the bar opened and in walked competition. Serious competition.
Well Hell, Blake thought with a sigh, automatically raising his hand in greeting.
Light green eyes that had started scanning the place's occupants landed on him, a smile crossing the British rogue's face as he recognized Blake in turn and started over towards his table.
The two of them weren't really friends, exactly. They'd been introduced years ago when Blake was still a teenager at a home run by the Catholic Church. Constantine was friendly with the home's head priest, and had dropped in to pick up supplies and visit. The man made an impression, and when Blake had come across a case during his rookie years that had called for an exorcist, well he'd known who to call. Over the course of the investigation they'd become friendly, and when Constantine came to Gotham he sometimes dropped in to share a drink or shoot the shit.
They shared a mutual love of snark, terrible taste in men, and a shit ton of personal baggage that would likely haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Constantine had a lot more baggage, but then he was also a hell of a lot older than he looked.
"Well, well, if it isn't my fellow John. Long time, so see."
"Hey, Blondie. What brings you here?" This bar wasn't nearly seedy enough to be one of the exorcist's normal watering holes.
"To Gotham, business. Here, particularly? I remembered you recommended it, and I'm currently hiding from an ex. You?"
"Also hiding from an ex, strangely enough. What did yours do?"
"Oh, Detective. The better question is what DIDN'T he do?"
Laughing as Constantine slipped into the booth across from him Blake smiled and decided what the Hell. Maybe what he really needed was just to hang out with a friendly face. Especially one who'd made so many worse dating decisions than he had.
"I've got chicken wings coming if you want some."
"Cheers, Mate."
Hailing down the server that had been making eyes at him from across the room Constantine ordered himself some whiskey and added cheese sticks to the coming food order. The kid practically fell all over himself taking it.
Watching the boy go with plenty of hip swinging Blake laughed. "Poor kid. You could have toned your charms down a little."
"That was me toning it down, Luv." A sexy wink in his direction.
Shrugging that off easily since they weren't each other's type Blake turned the conversation back around and asked if he should be worried about whatever 'business' had brought the blond to Gotham.
"Nothing to worry you, no. At least not yet. Now tell me about this ex of yours. How mad is this one?"
"Crazy enough that he sometimes works with the Suicide Squad."
"Are you serious?"
You knew how far you'd fallen when John Constantine questioned your dating choices.
"Yeah. What can I say? I have a weakness for bad boys with killer abs, questionable, often non-existent morals, but who knows how to fuck a man through a mattress like a pro. Or a lot of other surfaces." Blake had to smile over those memories before sighing. "Fuck, he's so good I don't even mind half the time that his mouth is a no go. Not to mention how hard it can be to understand him."
"Oh, fuck me."
"I think we've both established that..." Trailing off as the look on Constantine's face registered, Blake got a bad feeling. A very bad feeling. "No."
)
Bollocks. Of all the rotten luck. Not that he and the detective were close friends or anything, but Constantine really did like Blake and enjoyed his company. Now here they were, discovering one of them was the 'other woman'. What were the fucking odds, really? Actually, on second thought the odds were probably fairly high when you considered that both of them had abnormally bad luck to begin with, much less in the dating department. Jesus Christ.
"Given our shared taste in men...I suppose it was bound to happen eventually." Constantine offered weakly, mentally praying that the kid would get back with his drink and their food ASAP. Anything to kill the tension a little.
"That bastard. That cheating, no good bastard." Blake snarled; his grip was so tight on the handle of his drink that it was a wonder the thing hadn't snapped. "Saying he missed me. Calling me those stupid pet names of his. Oh I'm gonna give him some new scars over this."
"Ah." Well, that stung a little. Nanaue hadn't said anything about missing him. And the closest he came to calling him a pet name was Johnny. Ah, fuck. "Does he call you Johnny, too?"
"No. He insists on calling me by my actual first name. The dick."
Well, that was something, at least.
"He probably does it so he doesn't get us mixed up in that small, twisted brain of his."
Or not.
Thankfully his drink arrived just then along with the two entrees they'd ordered, so at least they wouldn't have to wade through this on an empty stomach. Or without liquor. Speaking of which-Constantine asked Blake if he wanted something stronger. The occasion definitely called for it.
"No. Thanks. Dammit."
Taking a healthy gulp of his whiskey Constantine ignored the urge for a smoke. It was bloody cold outside, on top of the mess he found himself in. Better to sort it all out first.
"Look, Blake. I-"
Blake held up a hand. "Don't. Seriously. It's not your fault. Hell, it's not like he and I had made promises or something. I just...thought he meant the things he said. Which just goes to show how stupid I am, believing that bullshit." Blake looked away, then worked up a rueful smile that didn't fool Constantine for a second. "And hey, on the A side, now I'll dump him for good and that bitch he works for will stop plotting to kill me. Maybe."
Constantine didn't even bother to ask why Harley would be targeting Blake for shagging one of her teammates. It was Harley Quinn. A more barking mad bird he had yet to meet. And that was saying something.
"Are you on her hit list too?"
"I've been known to be, yes. Though not because of him, as far as I know."
"Figures."
Following Blake's lead Constantine turned his attention to the food in front of them, which proved to pretty damn good, surprisingly. It was often hit or miss, especially in the States. Fuck but he needed to go home soon, get his fill of proper pubs and fish and chips.
Fish. Fuck.
He had to admit, he was surprised Blake had decided to swim in Nanaue's waters. So to speak. The boy was adventurous, true enough, but rolling around naked with a man who was also half shark was not for the faint of heart. For the teeth alone, nevermind the other...challenges involved. Of course, they were also both size queens, so maybe he shouldn't be that surprised. Especially for a Gothamite. The people who lived here were all a little insane, as far as he was concerned.
Either way he figured it was only fair that he lift a hand and indicate they wanted another round of drinks on him.
"Be right back."
Watching with some interest Constantine observed Blake walking over to have what appeared to be a completely one-sided conversation with a bloke sitting at a nearby table, a glass of water and a bowl of nuts the only things on his table. He didn't look familiar, and whatever Blake was saying was only getting a hint of a reaction. That reaction being a glance in Constantine's direction, which of course called for him to salute the man with his drink like the arse he was.
The other man said something, but Blake just waved it off and then pointed in the direction of the door, his silent order for the other man to leave. The man just gave him an unimpressed look, Blake uttering what Constantine would guess was a curse before stomping back over to their booth.
"Mate of yours?"
"No. Stupid henchman sent to babysit me until his boss gets here to collect me. The ass does this sometimes. He thinks I attract chaos and death more than you do."
"Not possible." Nanaue had henchmen? That he sent to keep an eye on Blake? Weird. And again...a tad vexing. Yeah, Blake probably needed a lot more protecting than he did, but still...
Glancing over in the direction of the stooge Constantine noted the man was on the phone now, presumably relaying whatever message Blake had told him to pass along. How that would go over, well Constantine figured he should hang around to find out. Blake would be no match for the infamous King Shark if he decided to more than nibble on the cop.
"I'm guessing he thinks you can handle yourself?"
The cop's bitterness over that was palatable.
"If he's fucking you properly, he must respect your strength well enough." Constantine offered. "Most people would run screaming from him, not take him to bed for a shag."
"He's not that scary."
"Oh, but he is. For the teeth alone. Then you add in the not completely human part and..." Constantine trailed off at the look he was getting now. The one that said Blake had had another realization, and it was as important as the other one. "What?"
"You aren't talking about Bane, are you?"
"Bane?" It took Constantine a moment just to remember who that was. "No, of course not. He-wait. He's not straight, dating that al Ghul bird whose even more barmy than her old man? That's who you were talking about, not Nanaue?"
"They-he and Talia-aren't like that. And who the fuck is Nanaue? I know pretty much all the members of the Suicide Squad, or thought I did. Is he someone new or...no fucking way. Are you fucking with me? Big, muscled, hard to understand who's not completely human. King Shark?!"
Rubbing the back of his head with one hand Constantine gave Blake a 'What can I say' look.
"Dude."
Deciding to leave that alone Constantine asked if Blake shouldn't go tell the henchman about their little misunderstanding.
A moment to consider, then Blake shook his head. "No. But I need another drink. A lot more drinks."
"There I'm with you."
)
As Constantine's tolerance for alcohol was quite a bit higher than Blake's it was no surprise that the former was a great deal more sober than the latter when a hush fell over the room, the other occupants and staff going silent, for the most part. Constantine did hear a couple of men state that obviously they'd had more to drink than they'd thought, while others started to whimper or look for hiding places like mice scenting a cat. Not that there was anywhere to hide save for the loo, which Constantine noted several people were now in a hurry to get to. Which was fair, the exorcist reasoned, since Bane and Nanaue together was a sight to make many a man piss themselves.
"Well at least no one's screaming." Blake observed, sipping calmly on the water Constantine had foisted on him. He was a pretty mellow drunk.
"Too scared."
Watching the two villains make their way towards them, everyone getting the hell out of their way, Constantine had to admit that they were both looking sexy, especially since he and Blake had spent the last hour or so talking about their respective man's prowess in the bedroom. Mostly to justify their taste in very, very bad boys.
In the best, most delicious way, Constantine mentally added.
Getting up from his seat with remarkable poise given how drunk Constantine knew the cop to be Blake sauntered over to Bane with only a slight wobble to his steps to betray just how pissed he was.
"I was wrong about you and Constantine...but you never apologize for trying to destroy the world or screwing with my city so I'm not apologizing to you." Blake poked a finger into Bane's chest. "And I'm too drunk to consent, and wouldn't anyway cause my New Year's Resolution was to quit you."
"You should have resolved to eat healthier." Bane informed him.
"Like anyone ever keeps that kind of resolution."
Rather than answer Bane simply scooped Blake up and into his arms like the other man's weight was nothing and he was used to carrying him princess style. Blake wrapped his arms around Bane's neck automatically and then scowled fiercely over his new predicament.
Right. Time to step in then.
Moving in Constantine kept his voice low but commanding as he stated that Blake had had too much to drink already, and he wasn't about to let Bane walk off with his mate when Blake was in no condition to make decisions.
"He is mine to protect, not yours."
"I can take care of myself. And I want to go home. Take me home." Blake poked at Bane's mask, which again the other man tolerated. Like he was used to it.
Huh.
Then there was the way Bane looked at Blake for just the briefest of moments, but which sealed the deal for Constantine. The man might be a future world ender...but he was in love with his little detective and wouldn't hurt him. At least not tonight. Still...
"He comes to harm; you'll be seeing me again. And that Venom shite won't seem nearly so bad as what I'll do to you, got it?"
Bane's inclined head seemed more mocking than anything else, but the man didn't argue as he instead turned around and started walking back the way he'd come, his lackey falling into step behind his boss, protecting the rear.
His boss had a surprisingly nice one, now that Constantine thought about it.
Nanaue, who'd been quietly observing with interest, finally spoke up. "Johnny come King Shark."
"I do come around you, don't I." Constantine quipped, tilting his head back to better meet his former lover's gaze. "I'll tell you what, let's get out of here. We'll see if you can make me an offer I can't refuse."
A very toothy grin was Nanaue's response.
Grinning right back Constantine made an elaborate bowing gesture towards the door, pulling out his wallet to retrieve some bills, which he passed over to the bouncer standing very nervously off to the side.
He had to give the man credit though, he actually spoke up and whispered the question of whether or not he should call the police for him.
"No need." Constantine assured him with a wink. "There's one thing people always seem to agree about when it comes to me...and that's that I'm always one step away from sleeping with the fishes."
And laughing at the expression on the man's face as his meaning hit, Constantine headed out after the fish currently on his line.
Who maybe, at least for the night, had him on the hook as well.
The End