Work Text:
pistons grind, repeaters click, redstone sizzles
there is no blackstone here, no obsidian, no lava
no insurmountable cold
no unbearable heat
your blood feels as if it is flowing through your veins
not ice, not boiling
and yet it still feels wrong.
it should not feel this way.
you are home.
this is home. this is safe.
you are not trapped here.
you are not
you are not -
this is not.
the rooms are not cavernous
the rooms are not claustrophobic
and yet they all feel as if they are taking the air from your lungs
crushing your chest and yet still
there is so little air
as if these rooms have pulled apart this planet’s atmosphere
and let you asphyxiate
almost as if it is a favor.
would it be? could it be
if you let it?
the hoppers click on their own
they are automated
and their ticks settle into your soul
like a murderer axing down your door
you pray to every god
even those you don’t believe in
that nothing opens.
if only for a moment, they seem to listen to you.
for a moment, you feel truly alone
for a moment, you forget that isolation is not the peace you once imagined it to be
but gods are not the kind to give without taking.
(where will they take from?
your sunken stomach? your withered eyes? your concaved ribs?
the protruding bones of a body you are no longer proud of?
you are already a broken man.)
you lay in an ocean of blankets with stone on all sides
your dog in your lap.
she is old. she has lived long past her prime
long past when she would be expected to die.
you have kept her safe.
you have done for her what you wish -
what you only wish -
you have kept her safe.
you wish someone would’ve done the same for you.
and
for once, you wish it was not your body you inhabited.
you keep your food in an alcove on the shelf.
it goes back further than you can reach
and yet it is never full enough
you can empty it into your stomach and yet
you are not full enough
this place is yours
this place is something you have built
this place is a place of community
that now stands empty, that now rings hollow,
where sound can echo and bruise you
where your intentions reverberate and shake your ribs
your ribs feel as empty as this place.
you are safe here
you are home here.
you are in control of everything here
and yet
you are not in control of yourself.
(you wish you didn’t have to be.)