Work Text:
Lance had a way of carrying himself around the farm that was amusingly close to a strut. It was easy to forget that he was anything other than a farmer. He showed me around, introducing me to Kaltenecker’s friend, Maria del Carmen, and showing off his proudest accomplishment: a field of now wild juniberry flowers. I took the time to collect my thoughts, trying to figure out how to phrase what I wanted to say.
As nervous as I was, though, being around Lance was familiar, which brought a feeling of comfort. We had stopped by the house, taking a seat by the edge of the porch where Kosmo had been napping for some time.
“But tell me about you!” Lance continued. “Irrigation has to sound mind-numbingly dull in comparison to the Blades.”
“The modern Blades aren’t as adventurous as you remember them,” I said with a shrug. “The craziest thing I did last movement was talk Ezor down from some batshit stunt she was insisting on.”
“You’re being humble,” Lance nudged me. “Last I heard, Kolivan was going to hand over the Blades to you. I’d say that’s pretty exciting.”
“He’s mentioned it a few times…”
“Okay, and…?”
“…and I’m still thinking about it. I don’t want to take up that responsibility when it feels like I have loose ends on Earth.”
“Is that why you came over?”
My heart picked up the pace, I hadn’t expected the topic to come up so easily. “In a way. I hadn’t phrased it like that in my head.”
“Pues, dos pájaros de un tiro,” Lance said easily. I glanced over and saw that his face was taking on a shade of red all over. Lance didn’t blush with his ears or just his cheeks. In true consistency with his over-the-top personality, Lance blushed with his whole face, the marks on his cheeks glowing slightly. It was cute.
“You’d know about shooting shots, wouldn’t you?” I mumbled. Okay. Time to rip the band aid off. I turned to him and straightened, bracing. “I’ve been dancing around this for some time now and I’ve never had the proper timing to tell you, but I—”
My voice caught, partly because of the nerves and tightness of my chest, partly because of Lance’s startled look. Did he know where this was going? I felt my face warm, embarrassed.
“Yeah?” His voice was small, almost like he was trying to not scare me away.
My face felt warmer, my heartbeat in my throat. “I’m…disastrously in love with you,” I forced the words out. I shut my eyes, not wanting to see his reaction, but I kept talking. “Every time I mustered up the courage to tell you, something would happen, or we were butting heads. I was going to tell you that day, when you were trying to get Coran’s blessing, but I hated how insecure you felt. I wanted to reassure you more than I wanted you to know…so I kept quiet. There was never a right time after that. Even now it doesn’t—”
“Hey, Keith?”
My eyes snapped opened once I heard how close Lance was. “Yeah?”
“Can I kiss you?”
“Yea—wait,” I pulled away. I heard wrong. “What did you just say?”
“I asked if I could kiss you,” Lance said, very deliberately. His hand reached out, settling on my cheek. Is this a fever dream?
“Why,” was all I could think to say. I wish I could punch myself.
Lance laughed at that. “Because the feeling’s mutual. I just didn’t think you’d be the one to unceremoniously dump a confession on my lap and mosey on out of my farm.”
My brain was trying to make sense of the words the feeling’s mutual, but it snagged on the word mosey.
“I don’t mosey,” I said stupidly. “And since when is the feeling mutual?”
Lance shrugged a shoulder in an almost charming way. “I’m pretty sure I had a crush on you in flight school, so… at some point between then and now.” He shifted closer, still smiling. “So, can I?”
This was supposed to be the easy part. My feelings were returned. I should be relieved. But Lance’s question made my stomach flutter in a sick sort of way. I reached up and held his hand against my cheek.
“Sure, yeah. Just give me a minute,” I leaned my forehead against his as he chuckled.
“Okay.”
I took a steadying breath and distantly thought that I had been in life threatening situations less nerve-wracking than this moment. I could still feel my heart pounding when I nodded, saying: “Okay.”
“Yeah?” His hand slipped to hold the back of my neck and my hand settled on his wrist. I nodded again, brushing my nose against his.
He pulled me closer, and I felt his lips press against mine. Something in my brain snapped and I stopped holding my breath. Suddenly it was easy. It was easy leaning in and kissing him back and simply melting. His fingers were carding through my hair, his head tilting like an invitation. I kept my hands by his knees, not wanting to overstep or push too far. I ran my tongue over his bottom lip experimentally and he sucked in a breath.
“Fuck, Keith,” Lance whined. “That’s not fair.”
That made me laugh. “Sorry.” And just because I could, I kissed him again. It was dizzying, realizing I had that freedom.
I felt Lance hum against my lips, like he was relishing that same idea. When I pulled away, Lance had a dopey look on his face, still looking flushed.
“So,” Lance leaned in again, nuzzling my neck, his hands pulling me over by the waist. “What now?”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, still trying to take it all in. “Not stand up for a bit, for one.”
I felt how his surprised laugh shook his shoulders and smiled. It was nice that I could make him laugh.
“Okay, and after that?” He began trail kisses along the side of my jaw.
“Not rush,” I said, closing my eyes. I felt Lance freeze, which made me chuckle. “I’m tired of feeling like I’m running out of time.”
“Oh,” Lance smiled, pulling away, “yeah. I get that.”
Right then, something in my chest loosened, like that heaviness that had been haunting me had finally lifted.
* * *
I woke up with a start, the sound of something crashing downstairs sending me to my feet. I rushed down the stairs, nearly fumbling, my brain still grasping at motor skills. The next thing that registered was the arguing.
“—I sure as hell didn’t need to find out like this!”
“I could say the same to you!”
“This is traumatizing.”
“Stop being so dramatic—”
“My little brother—”
“Vero—”
“—out and about, getting laid—”
“Veronica!”
“Oh, and look who’s finally up,” Veronica turned to me. I was still too disoriented to figure out what the hell she was doing in my cabin. “The culprit behind my baby brother’s mauled neck.”
Lance turned toward the stairs, face red. I could tell he was flustered.
“All due respect, Commander, but what are you doing he—” and it clicked. Acxa. “Never mind.”
“Keith, kick her out,” Lance said with a dramatic pout. Kosmo registered Lance’s words and popped up beside Veronica, waiting. “It’s your place, after all.”
“Take it up with Acxa, I’m not getting involved in this,” I went down the last few steps and scooped up the kettle from the floor. That’s what clattered, I thought distantly. “Kosmo, heel.”
Kosmos appeared beside me and teleported away. I would confidently guess that he was curled up in my warm spot of the bed. Lance hooked his chin on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist as Veronica exited the cabin. I heard Acxa’s voice greet her outside.
“I didn’t know they were dating,” Lance mumbled into my neck. “Did you?”
“Just a vague suspicion,” I filled the kettle with water. “You want coffee or tea?”
“A vague suspicion?” Lance said, outraged. “And you didn’t tell me?”
“It hadn’t come up,” I shrugged. “Tea or coffee, Lance.”
“Neither,” Lance pushed away with a huff, leaving my back cold. “¿Cómo es que no dichabas a la hermana de tu jevo—?”
“Hey, hey, hey,” I set the kettle down and turned around to find Lance with his arms crossed. He was making a big show out of this. “It’s not like I knew for certain. I wasn’t guarding a secret. And honestly, do you really want me to bring up your sister and my suspicions when it’s just us?”
He deflated as I pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around him. “When you put it that way…”
“You big baby,” I chuckled, kissing his cheek. Lance still grumbled nonsense into my shoulder, but I knew he was ready to drop the subject. “Hey.”
“Hm?” Lance leaned further into me, wrapping his arms around my neck.
“Let me get a look at you,” I said, Veronica’s words finally settling in my head.
“Why? Miss my face already?” Lance teased. I poked his side, making squirm and squeal indignantly, which had him pull away. I grabbed his jaw and turned his head away, inspecting the marks along his throat. The splotchy marks could’ve been dismissed as a random bruise from a bump, if they’d been anywhere other than his neck.
“It’s not that bad,” I decided. Lance slipped his head from my grip, trying to hide his neck a little.
“I know that,” Lance said, blushing. “Vero is one for dramatics.”
I hummed. “Sounds familiar.”
Before Lance could squawk out a defense, the cabin’s screen door opened. Acxa walked in with two empty mugs in her hand. She dropped them off in the sink and as an afterthought said good morning.
“Y’know, letting me know you’re bringing someone over would be a nice heads-up,” I said as she walked back outside. She held the door open for a second and shrugged.
“You were busy,” she said with a smirk, and walked out again.
I felt my face warm. I turned to Lance to find him just as flustered, but he seemed to be holding back a laugh.
“She can stay at Veronica’s next time,” I grumbled as Lance started laughing. “And you. You can make yourself breakfast if you found it so amusing.”
“Wait, wait. Keith!” Lance was still laughing, squeezing me to keep me from moving.
As if I’d actually go anywhere.
I found Keith’s visit short-lived. I had just gotten him back; I didn’t want to let go so soon. The day he was scheduled to leave was harder than I thought it would be.
I woke up to find the bed empty or, better said, without Keith. My nerves calmed at the sight of Kosmo curled up on Keith’s side. He didn’t go without saying goodbye, okay.
Keith walked into the room then, fresh out of the shower, pulling on a shirt. He stopped by the foot of the bed, poking Kosmo’s thigh.
“That’s my side,” he said. I had noticed he had full conversations with Kosmo, not just the rhetorical questions dog owners usually talked in. “Scoot over.”
Kosmo was an unmovable lump, he seemed too comfortable to be compelled by Keith’s words. Keith rolled his eyes and looked over at me.
“What?”
I extended my arms wordlessly, asking for a hug. He smiled and walked around the bed, leaning over me. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, all his weight falling on me.
“Lance!” He was laughing.
“No,” I held him tighter. He struggled for a bit, but then I realized he was making himself comfortable.
“You’ve trapped me, now what,” he said, burrowing into my neck.
“Now you don’t leave,” I said. “I get to keep you.”
He made a happy little sigh. “Sounds good to me.”
“I don’t want you to go,” I said running my fingers through his hair.
“Trust me, I don’t want to either,” he propped himself on his elbows, “but I’m going to visit between missions and meetings. We can handle long distance.”
“Right,” I sighed, cupping his face in my hands. I squeezed his cheeks, dragging him down for a kiss.
“You don’t sound convinced,” he mumbled against my lips.
“No, no,” I forced a smile when he pulled away. “It’s not that I don’t think we can’t handle long distance. I just hate how much distance between us there’d be.”
“I know,” he sighed. “But it won’t kill us.”
I laughed at that. “So drastic.”
We laid there for a while, letting the morning stretch out. The last week had been a bubble waiting to burst. I knew that; but my heart still felt heavy. This time, though, I could name the reason why.
I watched Keith load up the shuttle; something about being back in a shuttle bay made my hands itch. It reminded me of that same itch I had to get behind a flight simulator before I applied to the Garrison. I could feel Veronica’s gaze on me, annoyingly heavy and with a teasing glee I knew too well.
“Oh, shut it,” I hissed, keeping my eyes on the shuttle. “As if you’re not doing the same thing.”
She raised her hands, still too amused. “I didn’t say anything,” she said defensively. Then she nudged me with her elbow. “Sucks the first time, huh?”
“Understatement,” I leaned on her shoulder.
“You’ll get used to it,” she sighed, patting my head.
“Thanks.”
Keith went over to check on Acxa, who was doing a system check on the shuttle. Then he called over: “We’re leaving in five.”
“Great,” I muttered.
“They’ll be back before you know it,” Veronica said to me.
“Easy for you to say. Your days aren’t mind numbing.”
“I thought you liked the farm.”
“At first, yeah. It was a nice change of pace, but—”
“You miss flying.” She said it like she had already known.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I guess I do. Not the confined spaces, though.”
“It’s a good thing that our cargo pilots aren’t put in cockpits, then.”
Veronica’s words didn’t settle in my head because Keith and Acxa were walking over.
“Hey, Pidge,” Vero said into the comm in her collar, “fire up the wormhole.”
Something in my stomach curled in on itself at Veronica’s words. Keith noticed.
“Hey,” he said with a stupid smirk. It was cute. “Who pissed in your cereal?”
“Circumstance,” I groaned, leaning my forehead on his shoulder. He ran his fingers through my hair. I felt Vero shuffle away along with Acxa’s steps.
“Big baby,” he muttered.
I snorted, wrapping my arms around him. Keith kissed my temple before pulling away.
“We’ll be back before Thanksgiving,” he said. “That’s right around the corner.”
“Right.”
“Right.”
With one last kiss goodbye, they were mounting the shuttle. The engine thrummed and the particular smell of exhaust power-crystal shuttles gave off wafted over. It was warm and oddly welcoming; I had missed it.
“That was very gay of you, Lance,” Vero said, startling me.
“Ditto,” I said as we watched the shuttle take off.
Vero laughed. “So, how ‘bout it?”
“How ‘bout what?”
“How about we get you off that farm?”
I found that tying loose ends lessens anxiety, but it doesn’t make it go away. I felt better about being away, my constant worries about Shiro were quieted once I saw how he was doing. And things with Lance had gone over far better than I expected.
My anxiety has morphed into something else, I think. Now, instead of worrying about what ifs, I worried about the next step to take.
I had managed to balance my time between my responsibilities with the Blade of Marmora and taking time to visit Earth. I realized I needed those visits, they made me feel more human. They were respites that made the load of being off-planet lighter.
I guess, like Kolivan, I had denied my humanity for a while, too. Yet it was that humanity that made me Kolivan’s perfect diplomat. Which was a relief, since humanitarian missions often went hand-in-hand with diplomacy.
“This is simply not going to work,” the local General, Tuhml, was insisting. “Lack of structure leads to collapse.”
“You don’t care about structure,” the village’s matriarch, Vydy, spat. “You just want control of a system you’re supposed to be guarding. I refuse to put my people through that uncertainty again.”
We had arrived at System 5-K-L to provide technical aid after a series of solar storms. It wasn’t the first time this moon had needed help with their terraforming systems or had electrical failures. It was, however, the first time their leadership arrangement seemed to be in question.
“We can come to an agreement,” Acxa said coolly. “Only if you want our input.”
“We’ve been going in circles for days,” General Tuhml said with a huff, leaning back on his chair. “An outside perspective might help.”
Vydy had a sour look on her face but didn’t disagree. This was going to be a longer mission than anticipated.
We stationed ourselves in their town hall, an abandoned Galra outpost that had slowly been dismantled to accommodate the needs of the people here. We were still waiting on some shipment for repairs to the terraforming system, the damage having been greater than we were informed. Vydy and Tuhml were still bickering over small details in the treaty we had drafted, but it was only a matter of time until they would agree and sign.
I wasn’t very worried about Tuhml trying to leverage for control again, his militant forces weren’t big and most came from Vydy’s village. He’d be at a disadvantage if he were stupid enough to try this time around.
I was looking over the final final draft of the treaty, deciphering the cross-outs and different scrawls along the margins when a knock came from the door frame. I looked up to see Ezor leaning on the door frame.
“Hey, boss,” she said, the word was almost foreign in my ears. I was still getting used to having Kolivan’s position. “The shipment we’ve been waiting for arrived. They need your signature.”
“Sure,” I stood and walked out, toward the building’s loading bay. I spotted the cargo ship rather quickly, the Garrison colors standing out among the Blade shuttles. The crew was unloading crates onto the platform. I stopped one of the guys on the ship’s ramp. “Excuse me, I was told my signature was needed?”
He looked around and pointed to a man with a clipboard who was chatting with Zethrid. Zethrid spotted me and pointed the guy in my direction.
“I think I need to sign that,” I said, pointing at the clipboard in his hand. He was still wearing his helmet, so I only caught how his eyes lit up when he saw me.
“Keith!” I only registered his voice before he lunged at me.
“Lance?” It took me a second to hug him back, still not sure, but he squeezed me tighter. “Lance!”
“Hey! Hi,” he laughed. He pulled back to look at me. “I didn’t know this was your unit.”
“I don’t…really have one—” I cut myself off. “What are you doing here?”
“Working,” he said it like he just remembered. “I need you to sign this.” He shoved the clipboard between us. I grabbed it instinctually, still trying to make sense of his being here.
“Uh, right,” I looked at the papers and then back up at him. “Working?”
“I missed flying,” he shrugged, taking off his helmet. “I had a half-finished cargo pilot license, figured I’d give it a shot. It gets me out of the house, I get to see Hunk and Shiro more, it’s—nice.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He hadn’t said anything last Christmas, but now that I think about it, he did seem rather giddy.
“I was gonna! Next time you came over and everything! I wanted to finish my license first,” he said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “The only people that knew were Vero and Pidge, really.”
“And you’re feeling good about it?”
“Yep! It’s like riding a bike,” he grinned. It was nice to see him this excited, it had been a while. “So, uh, can I get your signature?”
“Right, yes,” I picked up the pen stuck on the board and signed the line Lance pointed to.
“Pleasure doin’ business with ya,” Lance took the clipboard and kissed my cheek.
“I’d hope this isn’t how you conduct all your business,” I said with a smirk.
“Mm, no,” he kissed me properly. “Only you, ‘cause you’re cute.”
I chuckled against him. “Sure, okay,” I said, pulling away. “How long are you sticking around?”
“We have to head out as soon as they finish unloading,” he said apologetically. “But you’ll visit soon, right?”
“I would hope so,” I said, bringing my hand to his cheek. “It won’t be later than next movement, that’s for sure.”
He leaned against my hand with a sigh. “That sounds good,” he smiled. “It’ll be Sylvio’s birthday by then.”
“Is he still impressed by space rocks?”
“Not very,” Lance chuckled. “I’ll help you find something when you get back.”
“Thanks.” Making a decent impression on Lance’s nephews had already been an insane amount of pressure, yet it somehow spiked my anxiety when started calling me ‘Uncle Keith.’ Lance insisted that meant I had won them over.
“Captain!” The name made Lance swivel, looking for the voice. He spotted the person, I recognized her as Leifsdottir. “Everything’s unloaded, we’re heading out.”
“Got it!” Lance called back. “Ina’s my First Officer,” he explained.
“Very hands on for a captain,” I said, punching his shoulder playfully. I was so proud of him.
“It’s not a big deal,” he said blushing. He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. “I’ve gotta go, okay? Love you.”
“Mm-hm, love you, too,” I said shoving him away. “Go be a captain and shit.”
He laughed, shaking his head and waving goodbye.
* * *
Life wasn’t perfect, but for the first time in a while it was enough. Lance still had trouble sleeping some nights, but at least I could be there during some of them. On some missions I still felt spikes of paranoia, and I had to tell myself that space hadn’t been this safe in a very long time. But that was enough, even if it didn’t seem like much.
And for the first time in years, I felt like a normal guy. I had family holidays to attend, a loving boyfriend, a stable life. It was surreal to say the least. Even on the not-so-good days, I felt lucky.
“Where the hell is my tie?” Lance was tearing apart the closet, tossing clothes back, not really caring where they landed.
“Didn’t you hang it up last night?” I asked, watching him from the doorframe.
“I did,” he said, crouching to rummage through the sock drawer again.
“You have other ties.”
“Luis is insisting that we wear colors that match the quinces,” Lance said. “Lisa bought the set for Nadia’s uncles.”
“I’m not wearing one,” I said with a shrug.
“You’re not a blood uncle, Keith,” Lance shot back too quickly for my taste.
“Nice, Lance.”
His eyes widened. “That’s not—” He ran a hand over his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
I spotted the burgundy tie under a pile of clothes he’d created and briefly considered not pointing it out. I took a breath and picked it up.
“Here,” I handed it to him. “I’ll wait for you downstairs.”
Lance didn’t take too long before he was stomping down the stairs and rushing out the door.
“Lance!”
He startled, letting the screen door slam behind him.
“I thought you were in the car,” he said, hand to his chest.
“You left the gift in the kitchen,” I said, opening the door and handing him the giftbag. He caught my wrist and tugged on my sleeve. “Yeah?”
“I really am sorry about before,” he said, taking my hand.
“I know,” I sighed. “You’ve been stressed out of your mind all morning. It’s fine.”
“It’s not. I hate when I get like this,” he said, looking down at our hands.
“Family functions are stressful, Lance. Your grandmothers are going to be there, the drunk uncle, that aunt that’s always pinching your cheeks,” I said, slowly realizing I wasn’t looking forward to seeing those relatives either.
He laughed when he saw it dawn on my face. “Ay, mi amor, at least we’ll have each other’s backs.”
“It’s too late to RSVP no, right?”
“Yes, and we’re Nadia’s favorite uncles; we’re going. Otherwise, she’d be crushed.”
“Your grandma Magdalena is so handsy,” I shivered at the thought. Lance laughed so hard at that, he snorted.
“It won’t kill you,” he said, leading us down the porch steps.
“It’s borderline harassment, Lance,” I groaned.
“I promise I’ll keep her away from you,” Lance said, placing the gift on the roof of the car. “You can hang around mi vieja if you want. She’ll keep you busy.”
Lance was patting his pockets, like he had lost something.
“I love your mother, but I want to attend a party, not move folding tables around,” I said. “Did you lose something?”
“Keys,” I said without looking up.
“I’ve got them,” I fished the car keys out of my pocket. “You got your wallet?”
“Yep.”
“Phone?”
“Yes.”
“Anything else?”
“No, that’s it.”
“Alright,” I said, unlocking the car, “hop in.”
I turned the engine over as Lance slipped into the passenger seat.
“Lance?”
“Dime, mi vida.”
“The gift is on the roof.”
“Pinga, yeah,” he half stepped out of the car, reaching over the roof, “I got it.”
“Okay, you sure we’ve got everything?”
He leaned over and kissed me like he hadn’t kissed me all day: soft and slow, like we had all the time in the world; like he was trying to commit my lips to memory, like he hadn’t done that already years ago.
“I’m sure I’ve got everything,” he said with a wink.
“Fucking sap,” I said, shaking my head, trying to ignore how warm my face felt.
Even on the not-so-good days, I felt lucky.