Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ren woke with a start…

Although, he wasn’t sure he had ever been asleep in the first place…

He was in a glass cage… no…. a stasis chamber.

“Good morning, Hermits.” He pressed his ears back against his head and looked up for the sound of the female voice… for Moonatrix Octa. The thing that had pulled his brain out and stuffed something else in. The voice that had instructed him to do such terrible things…

The moon had crashed into their planet….

The Octagon, Power Node One, The Octo Chunk…

Everything was gone.

How was he still alive?

Was he even still alive?

Nothing met his eyes except the deckhead of some sort of ship, and rows upon rows of fluorescent sea lanterns; flooding the place with a light, so bright; that it was painful to look at. He could hear the engines of the ship below him; the thundering and whirring of redstone and static that made the floor beneath him vibrate.

It was too loud.

It was too bright.

“Hey, Ren sweetheart?” He spun his head around to see Stress in an identical stasis pod next to him; looking worried and with her hands against the glass. “I need you to breathe for me love. It’s okay, you’re all right.”

His chest felt tight.

Something was wrong.

“You’re okay Ren, we’re in the Hermitheus, remember? Breathe for me love, or the ship will knock you back out.” He shook his head, fighting to take in air, and his vision swam for a few seconds; sending him to his knees, and the cold, metal floor of his pod.

He didn’t remember.

All he remembered was pain, and fire, and something about a moon…

He keeled over; curling up and pressing his back against the glass, trying to breathe… trying to clear both his mind and his vision.

“Xisuma, we need help!” He heard Stress shout.

There were worried voices and footsteps, and suddenly the glass wasn’t there anymore, and he was falling to the deck of the ship. He clawed at his chest, trying to reach for his cybernetics, but they weren’t there…

The chest piece that had controlled his breathing for the past seven months was gone…

He was suffocating…

“Ren…”

There were other people there now, other hands; lifting him up and smoothing back his hair; clutching his paws tightly…

“He’s going to suffocate…”

“…the Medical Wing…”

“…carry him…”

“Doc!”

The voices faded in and out, but trying to work out what they meant, was like trying to catch smoke. He was vaguely aware of being moved; of being lifted into gentle but sure hands, and carried like a pup against a strong, armoured chest. His entire right side was on fire, and there was ash in his lungs; burning him from the inside out.

There was smoke, and blood, and pain…

Something had gone wrong…

He was laid on something hard and cold, and he screamed with what little breath he had left as the pain reached new heights, and the voices around him grew increasingly worried.

“…have to put him out…”

“…can’t risk…”

“…he’s in pain…”

“…guys he’s going into shock…”

“…gonna do it…”

“…Doc, now…”

There was a pinch on his right arm, and he felt the pain and the voices fade away, and suddenly he knew nothing but darkness once more.

Chapter Text

Doc was worried…

Whatever his brother and Renbob had done… whatever antivirus software they had injected into the ship’s systems… it had done damage.

They had been awake for three rotations now; none of them wanting to back into stasis until they knew that Ren was going to be okay.

The fact that he’d had a panic attack as he’d awoke, had come as little surprise to Doc, after everything they had gone through in the simulation before the whole moon thing had taken their minds. There had been little time to process anything, and their therapist appointments (if they had ever been real), had taken a backseat to the whole moonfall situation.

Doc’s own mind was a blur; memories of a world that had never been real… conversations that had only happened inside their own heads. He remembered tears and laughter, and emotions overcome, as he and Ren had crashed spectacularly before being rebuilt by each other, and by their friends, and they had spoken to a therapist… had that actually happened? Or had the simulation just supplied the tools necessary for them to complete the tasks needed in time?

He remembered Ren’s cybernetics; and the plans that they had drawn to upgrade them… gone now, if they had ever existed in the first place…

After they had settled Ren into the Medical Wing, and on constant monitoring, he’d had conversations with Renbob, that had made his head hurt, about getting picked up from HCS7, and Ren almost dying on their way out to the Hermitheus. He remembered surgeries to save Ren’s life, multiple surgeries, or at least multiple versions of the same surgery.

A version where it had been him and Renbob in the back of the hippie van; building cybernetics inside Ren’s chest, and working on new limbs from a box of space scraps. A version where Xisuma had dived dangerously into his code; rolling his data back to before Tatooren had even happened, and resetting it; giving him his flesh limbs back, and clearing the smoke from his lungs. A version of perhaps a different surgery; later in the season; where he and Etho had taken what little was left of Ren’s arm and leg; fusing metal plating with flesh and building cybernetics from materials he knew didn’t exist…

He remembered teaching Ren how to walk again; both on his new metal paw and on his recovered flesh one. One version in the back of the van, one version in their fully equipped rehab centre on ship, and one on their beach…

The antivirus that Bob and Goatman had injected into the system had really messed him up.

They were on their way to HCS8, or should that be HCS9 now? Ren had been out since they had woken, and Doc was getting progressively more worried as more time ticked on.

Had something gone wrong?

He was sat next to Ren’s bed; his four legs (and hadn’t that been a weird sensation to wake up to?); folded beneath him as he watched over his friend as he slept; admiring the restored colour to his skin, and the fact that he could count all four of the man’s limbs.

He rolled his own shoulder; currently empty of his own prosthetic, as he tried to work out how he felt about it all.

He wouldn’t wish what had happened to either him or Ren, on anyone, but it had been better for him to have someone to talk to about the issues he’d had with his cybernetics. It had been nice for someone to really understand how he felt. A shared camaraderie almost.

It stung a little that Ren’s limbs had been recoverable.

Ren had taken to his cybernetic parts like a creeper kit took to creeping, and had been a quick learner, and proven himself to be able to adapt much quicker than Doc ever had…

“Who’s shovelling gunpowder?” Doc spun his head around at a gravelly voice; to see Ren’s brown eyes staring up at him, a lopsided grin lighting up his friend’s, tired face. “What’s happening bro?”

Doc laughed in relief; leaning down to press his head against the smaller man’s; reaching out to take hold of his hand as Ren let out a weak chuckle of his own.

“Void below Ren…” He croaked out. “Took your time to come back to me, didn’t you?”

“Sorry… I was… burning.”

“I have you now man. You’re okay. You… you have some stuff back…” He lifted his head up to see Ren wiggling the fingers on his right hand, in childlike wonder, and lifted the blanket off his right leg; exposing his one-hundred percent organic paw. “It was a simulation.” He explained softly. “From what I can work out from Bob, Tatooren happened, but you were brought here and fixed by Xisuma and some illegal code diving. Everything from the van… from hyperspace… that was a dream.”

“So, you’re telling me I’ve lost seven months, and everything that we did?” Ren asked; sitting up; Doc pulling back, as he did so. “What the heck dude? What happened?”

“Renbob rescued you, and picked me up from HCS7, but brought us to the Hermitheus. Xisuma fixed you up, and then we got put in stasis with everyone else whilst we headed for HCS8. Something went wrong though, a virus of some kind… and so the ship put us into some kind of sim, and gave us the tools to wipe it out. All those blueprints and scrambly books? They were the antivirus. Both PN1 and Octagon were for kicking the virus’s butt.”

“Wait… did they give you only two legs?” Ren asked incredioulsy; staring at Doc’s creeper body by the bed. “What the heck?”

Doc had to laugh at the sheer absurdity of that statement, along with the look of righteous outrage on Ren’s face.

“Yeah, took me a whole ten minutes when I woke up, before I could walk. I felt like a kit again; skidding around on the tiles. What about you though? How do you feel?”

“Like I’ve been in a simulation.” Ren deadpanned. “I’ve got loads of extra memories… wait what about 3^rd Life?” Ren’s ears pinned back against his head, and Doc felt his stomach clench. “What about Last Life?”

“Last Life?”

“Yeah, you know, Grian’s crazy death games take two?” Ren asked. “Mumbo was there this time… and a few others. I was with Lizzie and Cleo and BigB. There were Boogeymen, and Withers and a tree fort…”

“Ren… I’ve never heard of it.” Doc said; worry sparking in his chest. “I have no idea how 3^rd Life fits into things, but you have never mentioned anything about another round… neither has anyone else…”

Doc’s worry had now turned into panic. If there had been a second death world… a second edition of whatever sick games they had been forced to play before… just what had happened to Ren there? Why had no one told him?

“It felt so real…” Ren whispered; his eyes turning glassy and unfocused.

“Was Martyn there?” Doc asked gently; trying to keep Ren lucid and talking. They needed as much information about this as they could get. “Did you team up again?”

“Only towards the end… the Shadow Alliance…”

“And what about Grian and Scar?” He pressed; when Ren trailed off once more; evidently lost in memory. “Were they together?”

“Scar was on his own… Grian was with Impulse, Mumbo, Jimmy and… and Martyn. They held the south.”

“I think we need to talk to ‘Suma about this.” Doc said gently. “Whatever happened man… we’ve all got our heads jumbled form that damn sim.”

“But it felt so real…” Ren whispered again.

“Why don’t you get some rest? I’ll go and let everyone know you’re okay, and I can bring you some dinner later.”

“Not barbeque.” Ren said hurriedly, and Doc smirked at that. It seemed he wasn’t the only one suffering from a distinct aversion to grilled meats.

“Not barbeque.” He agreed. “Get some rest Bruderherz.” He stood up and brushed the and hair away from his face; placing a kiss on Ren’s forehead. “We’ve still a long way to go to Season Nine.”

“Man that sounds weird.” Ren muttered; scooting back down under the covers; allowing Doc to draw them over him and give his ear a gentle pet.

“Goodnight Ren.”

“Night Doc.”

Chapter Text

She looked about herself in confusion; seemingly having stumbled across the viewing platform for some sort of storage bay. She could see several builds in the bottom; a huge S7 glaring at her from the opposite wall, and she wondered how in the void she had managed to end up here of all places.

“Are you lost?” She shrieked; jumping a mile in the air and spun around to see Doc; the man wide-eyed and frozen rigid; an apologetic expression starting to make its way onto his face. “I’m sorry.” He said softly; watching her try to get her breathing under control. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay.” She replied weakly; her heart rate calming, as she pressed a hand to her chest. “I’m okay… really. I just… didn’t hear you.” Doc looked awkward at that; shifting his weight and folding his legs underneath himself; evidently trying hard to bring himself down to her height. “It’s okay Doc… I’m sorry I’m okay, really.”

“I apologise for scaring you.” He said; seemingly ignoring her platitudes. “I will stay with you until you can breathe easier and your heart rate is back to normal. Unless you’d feel more comfortable if I left you alone?”

“Oh goodness Doc no.” She said; stepping forwards to wrap her arms around his middle; pushing her head underneath his chin; being mindful of her antlers as she gave the much larger man a hug. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I just didn’t hear you coming and I was in a little world of my own.” She felt him pat her back awkwardly; and realised that he felt tense underneath her arms; evidently uncomfortable with the physical contact. “Sorry.” She said; stepping back with a blush. “I was lost… but you found me, so I’m not anymore, because I have a friend.” She gave him a big smile; which he returned; if a little hesitantly.

“Where were you trying to go?”

“The mess hall, actually.” She replied. “I came out of my cabin and turned left, and went until I saw the gym and took a right; but after that it all gets a little fuzzy, and I’m pretty sure I’ve passed the greenhouse at least three times.” He chuckled at that, and she couldn’t help but let out a nervous giggle of her own.

“We don’t have a greenhouse Gem.” He replied. “At least, not on this deck. It’s just Scar’s sketchpad.”

“Oh… wait, what?”

“That’s what he calls it anyway. Like a bachelor pad, but for his sketches. We think it used to be a common room of sorts, but after the fiftieth tree, it became hard to work out. You should ask him if you can look around sometime, I’m sure he would love to show you.”

“Oh. That sounds great! But for now… food?” The half-creeper chuckled again and rose to all four of his feet; his seven-foot build towering over her in a way that made her feel safe; rather than intimidated. “Can I hitch a ride?” She asked; right before cursing her lack of filter. “Sorry… that was rude of me… Forget I said that.” She let out another small shriek when she was promptly picked up and placed on his back; her hands coming up to grip the back of his lab coat to secure herself as he sat her side-saddle on his rear; being mindful of her hooves.

“Ren always asks for rides, so don’t tell him I let you.” He said with a soft smile over his shoulder. “He’ll never forgive me.”

“Is he awake yet?” She asked hesitantly.

The subject of Ren was currently a sore spot for most of the ship’s inhabitants, and she knew that everyone was extremely worried about the wolf-hybrid; but none more so than Doc.

“He woke up about half an hour ago. He seems okay, apart from some memory issues, and I told him to get some sleep whilst I fetched him dinner.”

“That’s good then… right?” Doc hummed non-committedly, and she knew that there was something else bothering the man as they started to make their way towards the canteen. “What’s wrong Doc?” She asked softly; letting go of his coat, and reaching forwards to place her hand on his shoulder.

“Have you ever heard of Last Life?” The man asked.

“Is that like 3^rd Life?” She asked. “The cursed server Grian found?”

“That’s the trouble… I don’t know.” Doc replied. “Ren mentioned it when he woke up. Said it was like 3^rd Life take two, but no one else has mentioned it yet, and honestly, I have no idea how any of it fits into the whole simulation thing… 3^rd Life included.”

“Oh dear…” She replied; rather unhelpfully. “Well… I can ask around for you, maybe one of the girls know something.”

“Ren mentioned Cleo…”

“Right, I’ll ask her when I see her tonight.” Gem replied decisively and with a nod.

“Thank you Gem. Here we are; one mess hall.” She hung on as he lowered himself to the ground; allowing her to slide off his back; her hooves hitting the tiled floor with a clop.

“No, thank you, for the lift Doc.” She responded; trotting around to his front to give him another hug. “I promise I won’t tell Ren.”

“You better not.” He said with a soft smile; his returned hug a lot less awkward this time. “I’ll end up neutering him for all the stress he gives me.” She laughed and gave his middle a squeeze.

“You love him really.”

“Yes, but don’t tell him that, either.” She laughed again and pulled back; giving him a wave as she entered the canteen. She knew that Doc would be on his way towards the back kitchens; no doubt to avoid the crowd whilst he fetched his hybrid some dinner.

She had come to the realisation that he was a bit of a recluse, out of the sim; avoiding interactions with them all, in favour of sitting with Ren, or working on code in his cabin. She hoped that it wasn’t anything to do with the whole Moonatrix thing; the last thing any of them needed was Ren and Doc isolating themselves out of fear that anyone held lingering grudges.

“Bye Doc!” She called as the doors closed behind her and suddenly, she found herself at the centre of attention… well there were only four people in the canteen; Boatem minus Pearl that was, but still; having four pairs of eyes on you was uncomfortable to say the least. “Don’t mind me.” She said with a nervous laugh; her tail twitching. “I got lost, and Doc had to show me how to get here…”

“Have you seen Pearl on your travels?” Impulse asked; being the first to turn back to his food; rather than stare at her. “I think she might have got lost too.”

“Oh… I haven’t. But I’ll keep an eye out on my way back to the cabins!” The rest of them nodded and also turned their focus back to their meals; allowing her to trot forwards and grab a tray; filling up her plate with some green salad and a healthy glug of dressing, before picking up a bowl of whatever the pink splodgy pudding was supposed to be. Keralis knew what food was, but it didn’t mean to say he knew how any of it was supposed to taste.

She would trust the food a lot more if Doc had been on kitchen duty.

Speaking of…

“Ren’s finally woken up.” She said; making her way over to the table; Impulse budging over to make room for her. “Doc says he’s going to be fine.”

“That’s a relief.” Scar replied with a sigh. “I think we were all getting a little too worried about him.”

“Well Doc seems to be in an okay mood, so I guess it’s looking good.” Gem replied with a smile; glad to have been able to help ease their worries, but being mindful of bringing up any mention of a second cursed server. That particular issue was going to require a little more delicacy, and a private setting. “Just a few memory issues by the sounds of things, but really; isn’t that all of us right now?”

“Damn right…” Grian replied; rubbing his forehead. “I’m so confused.”

“I still don’t get it.” Scar said. “If there was a virus, why not just wake us all up? Why put us in some kind of spooky, matrix like sim in the first place?”

“You’ll have to ask Renbob, and Doc’s crazy cousin/brother/nest-twin that one.” Mumbo replied with a snort.

“Don’t you think that’s a little rude?” She asked with a frown. “I mean, they did save us, can’t you at least… ask Doc and Goatman, how they’re related?”

“You can try.” Grian replied. “But I promise you that the answer changes and becomes more confusing every time you do. It’s like me and Poultry-Man, or Zedaph and Worm-Man, the relationships we have with our supposed alter-egos just gets confusing.”

“Like Xisuma and Evil-Xisuma?”

“No.” Mumbo responded to her with a shake of his head. “That’s different. Evil X is Xisuma’s Helsmit.”

“My head hurts.” Gem said; rubbing her right antler. “This is just too confusing.”

“Hence cousin/brother/litter-twin.” Scar replied. “I’m sure there’s a book with all of Doc’s previous responses in somewhere.”

“Well, I think I’m just going to ask them both what they prefer.” Gem replied with another nod. “That would be the polite thing to do. Now please excuse me gentlemen. I have investigating to do, so I think I’ll just eat this back in my cabin.” With that she got up from the table and trotted over to where the take-out containers were stacked; scraping her food into a box and sealing it up; ditching her tray and plates onto the side for whoever was on clean-up duty.

She hoped it was one of Boatem.

Chapter Text

Ren knew the exact moment Doc made it back to the hospital wing.

The air immediately was filled with the smell of creamy pasta and garlic bread, and he felt his stomach rumble at the thought of food. His head felt like it had been through a blender, and he had that many memories swimming through his mind, that he was struggling to comprehend what was real and what wasn’t. A good meal and an early night would soon sort him out…

He hoped.

Doc handed him the tray with a soft smile and a small greeting, and he all but tore into his dinner like a man starved; ripping the fresh bread apart with his hands, and marvelling at the fact that he could feel the warm garlic butter drip through the fingers of his right hand and run down his wrist.

The return of his limbs had been unexpected and strange and well… freaky. He vaguely remembered going into stasis, but those memories were clouded by those from the van. His head hurt too much to think on it right now, but he did have questions.

“So… therapy?” He asked between mouthfuls of his dinner. “Did that happen?”

“Not sure.” Doc replied; sitting back by the bed; his hind legs folding underneath him and his organic arm coming up to rub at his still-empty shoulder. “Don’t know if it was the ship, or whether we were in contact with someone at some point.”

“But the whole… crisis thing happened right? I remember the barbeque and the meeting at Keralis’s.”

“From what I can tell, everything that happened to us did actually happen, just not physically. So, the aches and the pains… phantom. Your cybernetics… phantom. I don’t know how it works, or whether you’re going to feel any residual discomfort, but physically you’re back to peak health. The mental stuff, the flashbacks, the anxiety… everything else… that happened, and we dealt with a lot of it whilst we were in there, aided by void knows who or what, but now that we’re out, we need to be mindful of anything like that happening again.”

“Doc I spent two weeks in a potato obsessed haze before killing half the server, I don’t know what is real and what isn’t, and I have a whole bunch of memories about another cursed server that you have never heard of… If anything like that was going to happen, I’d say it was going to happen pretty freaking soon my dude. I don’t know whether to cry or lock myself away in my cabin to protect you all from the crazy in my head… I have my limbs back, which is a whole other thing I mentally can’t deal with right now, and I freaking embarrassed myself in front of everyone by panicking when I came out of stasis. How many times have we done this already bro? How many times have we been put in those pods during a journey, and not freaked out?”

“Ren.” He looked up at his best friend, who was gripping his wrist tightly, and it was only then that he realised he’d been dragging the claws of his left paw along his right forearm; causing scratches that had already started to bleed. His ears flattened against his head, and he felt his bottom lip wobble as Doc sighed and moved his now empty tray from his lap to fold him into a hug. “It’s okay Bruderherz.” The other man whispered; rubbing his back. “We have you now.”

“Sorry my dude. It’s just a mess up in here right now.”

“I know, and I’m here to help you make sense of it all, but right now you need sleep.”

“I miss the nest.” Ren admitted quietly. “Will… will you stay with me?” Doc pulled back with a soft smile and stood up; patting his back with his hand and looking at him expectantly. It took Ren a moment to work out what he meant, but when it clicked; he felt a grin spread across his face. Doc rolled his eyes fondly as he all but leapt out of the bed and bounded over to him; his tail wagging and his sleeve rubbing the stray tears from his cheeks.

“Gently bro, I’m not as young as I used to be.” Ren laughed and climbed up onto Doc’s back; wrapping his arms around the man’s waist as Doc set off towards the cabins. “I have stuff to treat your arm when we get back to mine, is it still bleeding?”

“Not anymore.” Ren replied; running his fingers over his self-inflicted wounds. “I didn’t even realise…” He trailed off and there was a silence between them as they travelled through the ship; passing the storage bays, before veering right, into the maze of accommodation.

“Oh, hello my friends.” Doc stopped short as they almost collided with Xisuma, and Ren tried to muffle his laugh at the look of pure confusion on their admin’s face, as his eyes glanced between them.

“Hi Xisuma. Ren woke up, I fed him and now we’re going to bed.” Doc said matter-of-factly.

“Everything okay?”

“If you don’t count the fact that my head literally is a pot of yogurt right now then…” Ren saw Xisuma wince at that, and instantly regretted the insinuation. “It’s not your fault X, weird stuff be weird… right?”

“Still…”

“We’ve been over this Xisuma.” Doc grumbled; his legs folding underneath him once more; bringing them down to their admin’s height. “You were as much as a prisoner in that thing as we were. There was nothing you could have done, nor should you have realised. Goatman and that freaking hippie programmed it so that none of us even questioned what was going on.” Ren felt the affront rise in his chest at Doc’s insulting of Bob, but the light was starting to hurt his eyes, and he was tired and sore, and wanted nothing more than a bed, so he dropped his head onto Doc’s shoulder and closed his eyes, as the rest of their conversation washed over him, and before he knew it; they were on their way once more. “Sorry bro.” Doc said; his hand coming up briefly to brush over his hair. “I know you’re tired.” Ren hummed in response and let himself drift off.

When he woke, he was buried in blankets on the floor of Doc’s cabin; in a soft nest where the bed should have been; surrounded by a carefully cultivated hedge of moss, plenty of green plants handing down from shelves, and all of it padded with mattresses, sheets and mountains of pillows; all under the soft glow of a lantern. It was so very familiar.

It was so very Doc.

Speaking of…

He lifted his head up and brushed his hair away from his eyes; slipping on his sunglasses, only to spot the half creeper at his desk; a pair of reading glasses on as he scanned over three screens of what looked like code.

“Dude… what time is it? What are you doing up?”

“It’s just gone midnight.” Doc replied softly; not even sparing a glance in his direction. “I’m just finishing up some stuff and then I’m going around to Beef’s for the night. Sorry I disturbed you.”

“You’re… you’re not staying with me?” Ren whispered hoarsely; his heart clenching slightly at the thought of being on his own.

“I didn’t want to disturb you, or push any boundaries.” The other hybrid replied; finally shutting off the screens and turning to face him. “I didn’t want to presume…”

“Doc, we’ve just shared a nest for almost half a season.” Ren replied; sitting up. “We literally have just survived the end of the world after being brainwashed by some freaky potato slash moon obsessed deity, and now you are worried about sharing a bed with me for the night? Get your big green butt over here so I can get snuggles dude. I’m not kicking you out of your own room.” Doc looked at him for a long minute, over the nose of his glasses before sighing and slipping both them, and his lab coat off; his arm getting disconnected and leant up against his desk as he padded over.

“Budge up then bro.” He grunted; stepping into the nest and circling like a cat; before laying down; his head on Ren’s outstretched legs and his body spread out so that Ren could use his back as a pillow.

“You comfortable like this?” Ren asked worriedly; raking his eyes over the half creeper and wincing at the seemingly awkward position they were in. “You not gonna suffer back aches?”

“Go to sleep Ren.” Doc replied; in way of a proper answer. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Ren settled down at that; folding his arms on top of Doc’s thick fur and laying his head down, taking note of the creeper’s scent.

A mixture of concern, tiredness and confusion, but not anywhere near as bad as it had been only a few weeks prior. Ren could work with this. It was going to be fine…

Probably.

Chapter Text

Space…

The final frontier…

These are the voyages of the MCS Hemitheus…

She couldn’t remember the rest, and yes… Scar was going to be disappointed in her, but she had to admit that space did look very pretty from where she was watching. She had stumbled across the observation deck, purely by chance the first evening after waking up, and now she knew the way to it better than she did her own cabin.

The huge reinforced porthole, that looked out into the great void, gave her glimpses of things she had only read about in books. Giant gas clouds; glowing every colour imaginable, stars, and sun systems that seemingly defied physics, even other worlds occasionally spun past them, and she wondered if any of them were inhabited. They moved through it all like a boat through water; cutting a path through the noise, ever inching towards their destination.

“Couldn’t sleep kid?” She spun around to find their oldest hermit; smiling softly at her and clutching a thermos filled with void only knew.

“Just thinking about stuff.” She said, rather vaguely. “Still getting used to the idea that the moon literally crashed into the planet, and instead of us not being dead, we found out we were like in some sort of freaky dream or something.” TFC chuckled and came to sit next to her, pouring a cup of what looked like cocoa from the flask, and handing it over.

“In all my years of riding with you kids, I have to say this was my first Simulation.” He said; looking out into space with a wistful eye. “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think much of it. My head is a little full of confusing memories, and if I’m struggling to comprehend it all, void knows how you are all dealing with it. I always knew that handing the controls over to that Bob fellow, was going to spell trouble for us. I guess I just figured that Goatman would be able to keep him on the straight and narrow. Guess I was wrong.”

“Wait… you have piloted the ship?” She asked; her eyebrows raising.

“I like the peace and quiet.” He replied with a shrug and another smile. “I like to know that I’m keeping all you kids safe. We had one season where X decided it would be a good idea to hand the controls over to Keralis and well...” He trailed off with a small wistful smile, and Gem felt her heart warm at the thought of so many fond memories from seasons past. She couldn’t wait to make some memories of her own. “At least this go around we seem to be takin’ our time to get there… give everyone a bit of a rest and to help us sort out our heads is my guess.” TFC continued when he’d shaken himself out of his thoughts.

“Yeah… I saw Doc earlier… he’s worried about Ren.”

“I heard our good friend had woken up.”

“He has, but from the little Doc has shared; he seems kind of out of it, and mentioned something about another cursed Server. I was going to ask Cleo about it tonight but… I don’t know if it’s a good idea after what happened last time.”

“That 3^rd Life thingy some of you more crazy folk decided to investigate earlier in the year?”

“Yeah, only no one else has mentioned anything, and I don’t think Doc has any idea how it fits into the simulation either. It’s all just a bit weird.”

“No wonder poor Ren woke up in such a state.” The white-haired man hummed; a crease between his bushy eyebrows. “He had a pretty rough go of it on our last world, then the whole cursed thing happened just as he quite literally got back on his feet, and then being put straight into a sim like that… he must be questioning if any of this is even real. Especially seeing as the ship took half his limbs back off him for some unknown reason.”

“Ren’s strong.” She replied with a firm nod; taking a sip of the warm chocolate drink in her hands, only to find it laced with stomach warming spices that had her tongue tingling and her tastebuds exploding with flavour. “He’ll be okay. Besides; he’s got all of us to watch over him. I don’t think he’s going to be allowed to take any more chances for a while. I can’t see Doc letting him out of his sight any time soon.”

“I think you might be right kid. Enjoy the cocoa?” She looked down only to find that she’d finished the entire cup.

“I did, thank you.”

“It’s one of Impulse’s creations. Laced with just enough cinnamon and chilli to warm you through.”

“It was lovely… I’m not the best cook in the world, I’ll admit.”

“Yeah, me neither. Doc’s pretty good in the kitchen, and surprisingly so is Scar.”

“You guys let him near hot things?” She asked; her eyebrows climbing into her fringe. That coaxed a hearty chuckle out of the older man, sat at the side of her, and she giggled along when his laughter became infectious. “I heard about the sitting room he turned into a forest. I passed it looking for the cafeteria earlier, and Doc told me what it was. I thought it was a greenhouse.”

“That boy has far too much time on his hands. You know that room used to be our largest common room? Full of books and games and sofas, until he got his hands on some saplings from the storage bay and then we couldn’t stop him. Now we have a forest.”

“It must be nice to sit under all that green every now and then though.”

“Oh, to be sure, but I wish he’d picked a different room to do it in. We lost the Monopoly, Yahtzee and Twister in that mess. Not to mention my favourite Edition of Mining 101.” Gem giggled once more before glancing at her watch.

“It’s almost midnight.” She said softly. “We should head to bed.”

“I’m on call tonight, so won’t be sleeping until X takes back over from me in the morning.” She nodded and handed her cup back with a thank you, before bidding their miner a good night and heading back off to her cabin.

She liked it at this time, when all the corridors were silent, and she could wander at will. It was how she found the observation deck in the first place. As she wandered, her mind turned to the question of just how Ren had memories of a second server that never existed. Could it have been that he, and those who had been with him, had spent time out of the sim and off the ship? Was it feasible that they had woken up for a short time and partially lost their memories? Had the sim taken the memories from them upon their return to the ship? Or was it that the sim had done for them, what it had done for her and Pearl, and provided a neurological link to this supposed cursed server?

It had been odd; waking up only to find that her time on Hermitcraft had been a dream, and that all the work she had done of Empires had been via a rather temperamental neurological connection. She was trying not to think about it too much; lest she give herself a headache.

She made it back to her cabin with relative ease, and unlocked her door with her comms unit; smiling at the little paradise she had created for herself within her given rooms. In the past few days, she had been taking cuttings of every plant and flower she could find around the ship, and cultivating them in clay pots; creating a riot of colour and enough scents to set up a perfumery; within her cabin. Her bed was tucked into the wall, and azalea leaves hung in front of it; creating a curtain of green and pink between herself and the rest of the rooms.

A little cubby hole in which to hide from the ship outside her door.

It wasn’t her base, but it was home; and she knew that in the coming years, she would collect more and more trinkets with which to decorate.

She washed up in her bathroom and got changed; snuggling down into her bed whilst trying to visualise the space outside the viewing deck; rather than dwelling on the multitude of questions inside her head.

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, and her last thoughts were of relief that, at least with all of them there; Ren would eventually be okay.

Chapter Text

Ren woke the next morning to a silent cabin, an empty nest, and the smell of breakfast, and he rolled over to find Doc missing; but a large plate of food sat on his desk, along with a note, which he reached up for; the blankets pooling around his hips.

Had an early meeting with X.

Hope you don’t mind.

Will be back at lunch so try to get more sleep

Enjoy the pancakes :)

Like Nether he was going to stay in bed all day after spending months asleep in a weird sim. He needed to clear his head, and the best way to do that was to sit in the sketchpad, or to wander the ship until he was thoroughly distracted.

He grabbed the plate of food and devoured the sweet pancakes with gusto; mentally thanking Doc to the Void and back for the generous amount of honey he’d drenched them in, before washing up and getting dressed. He was still weirded out by the fact that he had all four of his flesh limbs, and he unrolled the bandages from around his right wrist; to find that the scratches he had put there the night before, were now perfectly healed over.

He hadn’t been lying when he had told Doc that he felt like he was on the verge of something bad. To find out that all of the pain and the healing they had both gone through over the course of the last month was a lie?

Yeah… it was a real kick in the unmentionables.

Just the fact that he’d managed to get used to the idea of his cybernetics… that his arm and leg were gone for good…

He found himself staring at his hand; clenching and opening his fist in wonder; marvelling at the fact that he could feel it… marvelling at the fact that he could do it. Despite Doc’s brilliance with his parts; he’d lost over half of his dexterity, and the sheer fact of being able to stretch his fingers out, and touch them each to his thumb, and twist his wrist just so…

He shook himself off and opened the door; walking almost straight into Impulse; who was stood there with his fist raised; evidently about to knock.

“Erm… hi.” He greeted; inelegantly; shifting awkwardly and feeling his ears pin back against his head in embarrassment.

“Hi?” Impulse whispered back; his eyes going round. “You pass out for almost a week and all you say is hi? Are you okay dude? Have you eaten yet? Did you sleep okay?” Ren had stiffened as soon as Impulse had grabbed the top of his arms; trying hard not to cower away from the other man, who smelt of nothing but panic and concern.

“I’m all good man.” He tried to reassure. “Doc brought me breakfast and I slept fine. Just a bit weirded out by this whole situation if I’m honest.” Impulse dragged him into a hug; letting out a breath of relief, and the hybrid chuckled; patting his friend’s back. “I’m sorry I panicked you all. I came out of that sleep like a derp, am I right?”

“Void, I was so worried about you. Doc’s been practically unapproachable whilst you’ve been out, and no one has been able to get near you. After everything you’ve been through, I would have been more concerned if you hadn’t come out of that whole freaky sim thing without issues. I’m just glad to see that you are okay.”

“I mean… my head’s a pot of yoghurt, but what’s new there? Now you planning on letting go, or is this gonna become weird my dude?” Impulse chuckled nervously and stepped back; picking at his nails.

“So, you’re good?”

“Well… not gonna lie to you and tell you that everything is hunky dory; but I’m here at least, and no longer having urges to murder people… I was going to go and sit in Scar’s sketchpad for a while… wanna join me?”

“I actually have to go and check on Zed.” Impulse responded; shifting his gaze to the floor. “This whole thing has taken it’s toll on everyone, and he’s struggling again. I just wanted to come and see you on my way.”

“Oh, well in that case, thanks for stopping by my dude, love your face.” He leant forward and gave Impulse another hug. “Give my love to Zedaph, tell him he’s always welcome to stop by mine if he needs a mug of tea and some good old-fashioned cheering up.”

“Thanks Ren.” The other man replied softly. “I will.” Ren waved him off and continued his way towards the sketchpad; praying to the void that Renbob hadn’t found his stash of tea supplies.

He pushed the door open and was immediately greeted cheerfully by Gem; the faun rushing forwards to crush him into a hug.

“Oh Ren, thank void.” She breathed out; burying her head into his shoulder, and narrowly missing his eyes with her antlers. “Come on, I made tea.” She grabbed hold of his hand and pulled him further into the forest; sitting him down on one of their old leather sofas, and practically shoving a mug of rooibos tea into his hands. “You like redbush, right?” He nodded; words escaping him as she shot him a bright smile before turning back to pouring herself a mug.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the greeting my dude, but… is everything okay? You seem nervous.”

And wasn’t that the truth?

The smell of worry was pouring off the young female, and he couldn’t help but notice how her short tail was twitching agitatedly. He knew that he must have been sending her prey instincts into overdrive; and he sunk into the sofa; folding his paws underneath himself and hugging the mug of tea to his chest; wishing that he’d just stayed in bed.

“I’m perfectly fine.” She responded; a little too quickly to be believable.

“I won’t hurt you…” He said softly; flattening his ears to his head and curling his tail around his middle; trying to be anything but intimidating. “I know that I went a bit crazy towards the end there, but I would never hurt you on purpose my dude. I’m sorry if I’m making you uneasy.”

“You think I’m scared of you?” Gem asked; turning to him with wide eyes.

“Why wouldn’t you be? I’m scared of me right now.” Her scent changed as her expression grew sad, and she plucked the tea out of his hands; ignoring his indignant ‘hey!’ as she sat down at the side of him, wrapped her arms around his waist and tucked her head underneath his chin.

“I don’t think its possible for you to be scary.” She whispered. “I feel safe with you Ren, and I never want you to forget that. I know that this whole situation has probably messed with your head a bit, but never doubt that we love you.” He felt a lump grow in his throat and he returned her hug; burying his face into her hair; her antlers barely brushing his ears. “You’re not okay, are you? You’re trying to be, but you’re not.”

“Doc doesn’t need to be worrying about me again.”

“Doc needs you to be honest.” She replied; pulling away to eye him sternly. “What Doc doesn’t need, is for you to be burying everything down again. You can’t do that to him Ren. We can get you both as much help as you need, but we can’t stand by and watch as you both crash. Not again.”

Guilt churned in his stomach at that; knowing that she was right, but also knowing that he was about to dump a huge pile of steaming hot brown stuff on everyone’s shoulders. His head was a literal mess, and despite the amount of rest he had inevitably gotten; he felt exhausted.

“Here.” He looked up as she handed him his mug back and he took it in both hands; curling in on himself as he allowed it to warm him through. “You’re not alone Ren. You’re never going to be alone. And please… please never worry about scaring us, especially me. I’m tougher than I look.” He couldn’t help but smile at that; the young woman’s bright grin proving infectious. “You drink up and then get some rest, okay? I’m going to go and raid the cafeteria, if I can find it.”

“You keep getting lost?”

“Yep, Doc had to give me a lift last night, after I ended up in the storage bays.”

“He carried you?”

“I was not supposed to tell you that… whoops.” She let out a nervous giggle, at his playfully indignant tone, and he widened his own eyes.

“He never let’s me!” He whined; coaxing more giggles out of the young faun. “That’s not fair!”

“That’s a lie, and we both know it.” She replied. “I have it on good authority that you didn’t walk back to your room last night.”

“Damn that Xisumavoid.”

“Nope; you were seen by at least three different Hermits last night.”

“Damn I must have been out of it.”

“Well, you had just woken up from a week-long unconsciousness, and had probably stuffed your face with whatever delicious comfort food Doc cooked up for you so… no one would blame you if you had fallen asleep on him, and if Keralis is in Doc’s bad books for posting the pictures in the ship’s chat then… maybe I could be persuaded to do a little light pranking on your behalf?”

“You are one devious woman; do you know that?” He growled playfully. “I’m kind of impressed my dude.”

“It’s what I do best!” She replied; with a wide, bright grin that was anything but innocent. “Now, get some rest here, and I’ll go see if I can steal something sweet from the mess hall.” With that; she planted a kiss square in the middle of his forehead and skipped off; her hooves clopping on the tiles as she headed for the door.

He gave her a smile and a wave as she disappeared before sinking further down into the sofa and mulling over her words. He knew that his mental state was a mess, and he knew that he was going to need to do something about it before they were landed onto their next world, but he had no idea where to even start to unravel the snake’s nest that were his thoughts.

“Hey Ren. Glad to see you up.” He looked up from his tea as Cub dropped into the sofa at the side of him and he shot a tentative smile at the other man, who was still rocking the youthful looks he had acquired before the previous season. “How are you feeling?”

“I have absolutely no idea.” He replied with large eyes, as he realised that it was the truth.

How was he feeling about everything?

How was he meant to be feeling about everything?

“You have your limbs back I see.” He wiggled his fingers again; staring at his hand and swallowing down the feeling of wrongness that had overtaken his mind.

“Yeah, it’s a whole thing. I don’t think I’ve really processed it to be honest. I mean… I was just starting to get used to the idea of the cybernetics and now bam, all four limbs and no chest piece. It’s all just a bit on the freaky side for me.”

“Well stranger things have happened to us.” Cub replied with a shrug. “This is just the next thing in a whole line of weird and wonderful.”

“I suppose I should be glad that they’re back, but to be honest, right now… they don’t even feel like mine. I mean, I can wiggle my fingers and toes, and I know that they’re obviously there, but they’re just… I don’t know… sorry, I’m not making much sense right now.”

“It’s okay dude, I know it must be a lot to take in. I’m surprised that Doc hasn’t had more issues to be honest. He came out of the sim and could barely walk. Beef practically carried him most of the way to the hospital wing. Doc found it funny, but I don’t think X did. He’s been worried about all of us; picking through our code to make sure nothing else had been screwed with, I don’t know if he’s found anything, but I’m guessing that he’s still at it, even after a full week.”

“Geez dude, even the thought of one of us getting messed up like that…” Ren shuddered. “It’s bad enough having come out of that sim and finding that I have like three lots of memories and four fully functioning limbs… the thought of there actually being something wrong with my code…”

“I don’t think any of us have been wanting to think about it. But it’s over now, and we’re well on our way to the next world, so… maybe a fresh start would do us all some good.”

“Yeah maybe…” Ren agreed. He found himself leaning his head on his friend’s shoulder as exhaustion washed over him, and he felt Cub scratch behind his ears as the younger man hummed soothingly.

“I’ll still be here if you want a nap Ren.” His chest rumbled in response and allowed sleep to pull him under; Cub continuing his petting of his ears as he drifted off to the sound of the engines.

A nap sounded wonderful.

Chapter Text

Doc panicked when he returned to his cabin at lunch, only to realise that he should have expected Ren to go wandering off, despite his insistence that he got some more sleep. He took a few minutes to wash up and change after a long morning of code diving, before heading out to try to locate his wayward hybrid.

Ren had been restless most of the night, and though the other man hadn’t woken; he’d been tossing and turning, mumbling in his sleep and scratching at the bandages on his right forearm, and Doc had spent most of the night trying to prevent him from reopening his wounds; holding onto his hands and mumbling soothing words to him in the hopes that he would settle.

He was worried…

In all fairness, he’d spilt a lot of his worries to Xisuma and Keralis over the course of the morning; admitting to them that he had been struggling after coming out of the sim, and that he was afraid that he’d been more snappish than usual whilst Ren had been in the medical wing. He hadn’t been sleeping well, and he’d been dedicating most of his nights to code diving; desperately and somewhat obsessively; wanting to ensure that Ren’s code was stable.

He was concerned about Xisuma, knowing that their admin had enough on his plate to be dealing with, but they had assured both him and Keralis that they would open up and talk more; even if everything they had been through was some sort of fucked up dream, it had felt real enough to them at the time, and Doc had promised that he wouldn’t crash again after their failed barbeque.

“Oh, hi Doc, are you looking for Ren?” His head snapped up at the sound of Gem’s voice, and found her smiling up at him; a stack of galley take-out boxes; balanced in her hands as she headed towards him from the direction of the mess hall.

“Good morning, Gem. Yes, I am looking for the mongrel, I don’t suppose you have seen him?”

“I am just heading back to the sketchpad with some of your cake for him. I told him to have a nap whilst I went on a mission to rob something sweet from the kitchens. I figured that you would still be busy with X for a while, so I was trying to keep him out of your way, and Cub was just heading in there as I was on my way out, so he hasn’t been alone.”

Doc blew out a small sigh of relief at that; feeling some of the tension in his shoulders slip away at the thought that Ren had at least been under the watchful eyes of someone since leaving their rooms.

“You really are worried about him, aren’t you?” Gem asked quietly, and Doc noticed that she had placed the stack of take-out cartons on the floor, and was now reaching out to grip his hand in both of hers. “He’s going to be okay Doc. His head is a bit of a mess right now, and he might need to talk some things out with us all, but again, neither of you are doing this alone. After what happened, none of us are going to let you guys fall. You mean too much to us for that.”

“You don’t need to worry.” He said, with what he hoped was a disarming smile, but was more likely a grimace. “I’m handling it.”

“But you don’t have to Doc.” She replied; her scent changing to something akin to frustration and sadness and her hands tensing around his own. “Do you honestly believe that any of us would stand back and let either of you suffer alone? Do you honestly believe that we would let you do this to yourselves again? Ren needs all the support we can give him right now, yes; but you are no less deserving of that same support and love Doc. You just need to let us in. You did it before, and you can do it again. I believe in you.”

He felt a lump form in his throat and damned himself for getting soft in his old age, as he wiggled his hand out of hers, and tried to discreetly wipe his sleeve across his eye. Gem had the grace to busy herself with collecting her boxes as he recomposed himself, and soon she was smiling back up at him like nothing had happened in the first place.

“Come on then Mr Doc, let’s go find him.” He followed her as she trotted off; periodically correcting her; every time she was about to take a wrong turn, and soon they found themselves outside the glass door of the sketchpad. He leaned over her and pushed the door open; allowing her to keep hold of the cartons of food as she ducked her antlers under his arm, and they made their way through the small forest; towards the large brown sofa where Ren was leaning against Cub’s side; his eyes glassy and fixed on the other man’s communicator as he watched him play what sounded like Tetris.

“I thought I told you to stay in the nest and get some sleep?” He grumbled; leaning down to brush Ren’s hair back and push their foreheads together in greeting. “I was serious about that you know.”

“I have just been in Cryo for eight months.” Ren replied with a huff and a light headbutt. “I’ve had enough sleep.” A yawn betrayed his words and he shot a poisonous glare towards Doc, when he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You were sleeping just now.” Cub said mildly from the side of him.

“Yes Cub, I was. Astute observation my dude, thank you for waking me up.”

“Gem brought cake.” The other man replied with a shrug. “Thought you might be interested.” The female in question trotted forwards and offered him a box from her stack and Doc watched as Ren’s nose crinkled as the hybrid looked up at him in suspicion.

“Is it one of yours?”

“Possibly.”

“Is it chocolate?” He smirked and shrugged; coaxing another glare from the smaller hybrid, and an amused snort from Cub. “Gimmie.” Ren mumbled; making grabby hands towards the box and Doc tapped them away lightly before flicking him on his nose.

“What do we say?” He asked; raising an eyebrow, and receiving growl in return. He held Ren’s eyes in challenge until the other man relented with a whine; his ears flattening against his head as he backed down.

“Thank you, Gem for going to the kitchens. Now may I please have my chocolate fix?”

“Thinking about it… isn’t chocolate bad for dogs?” The faun asked; raising her own eyebrow with an amused grin.

“Gem, I love your face my dude, but if you deny me Doc’s cake, I will fill your cabin with chickens.” The small female let out a musical laugh and finally handed the box over; passing the others to Cub and Doc before moving to boil tea.

“You should have at least messaged me.” The creeper found himself mumbling; folding his legs beneath him as he watched his friend practically inhale his dessert; Ren licking the ganache from his fingers. “Or left me a note to tell me where you had disappeared off to.” The smaller man looked at him with wide eyes and a guilty expression, and he sighed and rubbed his forehead; feeling the beginnings of a headache making itself known. “Sorry.” He said after a while. “You are your own person and I… I’m getting over-protective again.” He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find Ren now kneeling in front of him; a frown on his face.

“You don’t have to apologise for caring bro.” He said softly. “You’re right. I should have at least told you where I was. I’m sorry for making you worry.” He was folded into a hug, and he sighed against Ren’s shoulder; some of the tension of the past week ebbing out of him, now that the man was once again wrapped safely in his arms.

“What are we going to do with the pair of you?” Gem asked in amusement. “Break it up guys, come on; I’ve made tea for your headaches.” Doc huffed into Ren’s neck and pulled back, bumping their heads together once more, feeling a small, fond smile curl at his lips.

“That better be some good tea.” He murmured. “I’m looking at my headache, and only an animal tranquiliser has any chance of getting him to shut up.” Ren gasped in feigned offense, and Cub burst out laughing from the sofa.

“Play nice Doc.” Gem scolded, giving him a tut. “Or I might be inclined to sedate you. I have plenty of poppies in my room if you want to be knocked out for a few days, and I’m sure Xisuma would condone any actions I take to finally get you to sleep.” He glared down at Ren, who was in fits of giggles against his chest and he nodded at the young female; acquiescing the fact that she had won.

“Fine, just as long as you don’t poison me.”

“You should have more faith Doc.” Cub grinned from the sofa. “Gem’s a pro.”

“Coming from the man who was once convinced that Stress was plotting to finish him off with her potions.” Ren replied through his laughter.

“I’m surprised you even remember that.” Cub replied with raised eyebrows. “Wasn’t that the same afternoon Iskall managed to shoot you whilst you were messing around in his redstone?”

“Oh… That’s right! At the archery range. He never shut up about me having a bed in my inventory after I tipped him out of his to steal it!”

“I still can’t believe he slept in mine after you had tipped him out.”

“Kingdomcraft for the win baby!”

“Oh yeah.”

Doc accepted his tea from Gem with a nod and a thank you, and felt his heart clench as she leaned against his side comfortably; seemingly snuggling into his fur with a sigh as she sipped from her own mug, and watched; wide-eyed as Ren and Cub continued to reminisce; the pair falling into a heated debate about their favourite builds from their old shared server.

He found himself brushing his hand over the faun’s hair as she relaxed; a wave of protectiveness washing over him, seemingly from nowhere. He knew that Gem was extremely capable, and didn’t need anyone fretting over her, least of all him; however, he couldn’t stop the feeling bubbling in his chest, and he shot her a warm smile as she glanced up at him.

“He’ll be asleep within an hour.” He rumbled with a grin; trying to divert his thoughts away from the fact that she seemed so happy to be in such close proximity to him. “Tea or no; chocolate makes him sleepy.” Gem giggled at that, and gave him a knowing look, that was filled with far too much meaning for him to work out the majority of.

“You love him.” She stated; rather than asked, and he chuckled at the small faun in amusement.

“As I told you last night; he gives me far too much stress.”

“Yes… but only because you love him.” He laughed out again and wrapped his arm around her; finally feeling himself relax as he hugged her into his side with an amused hiss. “I’m not wrong about these things Doc.” She giggled. “It’s not as if none of us can see it… and for what it’s worth; he loves you just as much.”

“I know.” He replied with a soft smile. “I have yet to decide whether it is a curse or a blessing by this point.” More musical laughter from Gem had the last of his tension dripping away, and the pair of them went back to listening in to Ren and Cub’s conversations; Doc watching for the moment he was going to have to catch the wolf hybrid, when he inevitably passed out from a chocolate induced haze.

It was comfortable… familiar; and Doc knew that everything would work itself out in time; for now, they were safe, and Ren was alive and whole, and that was the most important thing.

Chapter Text

Keralis jumped slightly at a heavy thunk, and he looked up from his book to see his admin’s head on the desk as a groan escaped the young man. He’d allowed Xisuma and Doc to work on code that morning, but after the creeper had disappeared for lunch, he’d been unsuccessful in convincing X to take a break; the voidwalker desperate to check over Ren’s code for the umpteenth time that week.

“Maybe it’s time for some food Shishwhammy?” He said softly; dropping his book onto the coffee table and leaning forwards in his chair to rest his chin on his fist; gazing at X’s tensed shoulders. “Why don’t we go and see who is on cooking duty?” He heard another sigh from his admin and he got up from his chair; moving to kneel next to the man, and lift his head so that their eyes met. “Shishwhammy?”

“I can’t find anything.” Xisuma both looked and sounded exhausted. His purple eyes were ringed in even darker purple bruising, and he was holding his shoulders in a way that Keralis knew he was aching badly. “I’ve looked and looked but…” The young man’s eyes screwed shut as his breath caught and he shook his head slightly against the desk. “I’ve missed something…”

“Could it be that there isn’t anything to find sweetface?” He asked as gently as he could possibly manage. “I know that you are worried, but not every bad situation means a code error. Perhaps everything really is okay?”

“But Ren…”

“Is awake and healthy.” He interrupted. “Do you honestly think Doc would be letting him wander around on his own, if he thought there was something wrong? You have both looked over his code to the point of obsession, and it’s not healthy for either of you. You are exhausted Shishwham, and you are starting to worry me. Please just give yourself some rest.”

“But…”

“No butts sweetface.” He said; shaking his head and leaning forwards to press his forehead against his admin’s helmet. “Butts are for sitting on, and yours has probably had enough of that chair by now. Come with me angel, let Keralis feed you and then we can go look for Ren and Doc so that you can fuss over them in person.”

Xisuma looked hesitant as he lifted his head from the desk and glanced up at the screens in front of him; his eyes weary as they scanned over the last of the displayed code, and Keralis felt concern rise in his chest at the thought that the man was about to go back to working.

“Shishwhammy?”

“Okay.” He let out a breath of relief at that small, quiet agreement and he gently pulled Xisuma up from the chair and wrapped him in a hug.

“Thank you Shishwham. Love your face.”

“Love yours more.” He giggled and sought out his admin’s gloved hand; dancing away from their embrace and pulling the taller man towards the door.

He managed to tug the young voidwalker all the way to the sketchpad, before Xisuma’s energy was finally exhausted, and he felt him slump onto his shoulder; barely able to hold himself up.

“Stay with me sweetface, almost there now.” He knocked on the glass door and was relieved when Doc appeared; opening it for them and glancing at their admin in confusion and concern. “Shishwhammy needs to sit down.”

“Come on X.” The creeper said gently; hooking the younger man’s arm over his shoulder and helping him into the overgrown space. “I got you.” Keralis frowned when Xisuma’s only answer was a soft moan, and he shared a worried look with Doc as they headed into the overgrown room.

He smiled as soon as the sofas came into view, and helped the creeper situate Xisuma, right next to a lightly snoring Ren; the young man looking up at him with bleary eyes as he hushed him and leaned him over to rest against the sleeping hybrid; kissing the front of his visor as he helped him get settled.

“He’s safe Shishwhammy.” He whispered. “Get some rest now, Keralis will watch over your dreams.”

It was a line he had started to repeat of late; his friend’s sleep becoming more and more disturbed the longer he was burying himself in code. There had been nights; where he had found his admin; passed out in his cabin; screens full of numbers, and nightmares plaguing his mind, and it had fallen on him to help his friend into bed and to sit with him until the morning; chasing away as many nightmares as he could with soothing words and tender touches.

It had been working… to a point.

“We’re all safe Shishwhammy.” He whispered as their admin started to drift off; tucked into Ren’s side. “You can rest now.” Xisuma mumbled something indistinguishable before his breaths finally evened out and Keralis felt himself go limp in relief.

“I got you.” Doc whispered softly; wrapping an arm around him and guiding him over to where Gem was curled up in the moss; a book on her lap and a mug of tea between her hands. He allowed himself to sink down onto the soft, spongy floor; next to the small faun, and he was soon enveloped by Doc’s long body, as the creeper wrapped himself around them both; taking a few seconds to get comfortable before patting his side and allowing Keralis to sink into his fur with a sigh.

“You should sleep K.” Doc said softly. We’ll keep an eye on Xisuma.”

“Thank you sweetfaces, but I promised him that I would watch over his sleep.”

“He’ll be fine.” Doc reassured him lowly. “At least for a few hours yet.”

“How about a mug of tea and a piece of Doc’s chocolate cake instead?” Gem asked him; her large eyes raking over his face; more than likely noting just how tired he was. “It might help you to settle slightly. It certainly helped Ren and Cub to sleep.”

Keralis looked back to the sofa where the two Hermits, plus their admin were all now sleeping; Cub’s hand buried in Ren’s hair and Xisuma’s visor pressed into the wolf-hybrid’s ribs. They looked peaceful, and he could only hope that the peace would last long enough for them to have a half decent rest.

“Gem fed them both chocolate and they passed out about half an hour ago.” Doc rumbled beneath him. “We all know X has been neglecting his own sleep, so the likelihood of them waking up any time soon is extremely low. Like I said; you should sleep.”

“Chocolate and tea sounds wonderful Gem, thank you.” He said softly; ignoring Doc’s veiled plea; much to the other man’s displeasure.

Gem on the other hand beamed widely at him and hopped up to busy herself with the kettle and the box of several loose-leaf teas, which he recognised as Ren’s, and soon he had a kitchen take out box in his lap, and a mug of steaming tea in his hands.

“Drink up papa K.” The young woman demanded with a large smile, and he took a long drag from the mug before starting to devour his cake.

It wasn’t until the chocolate desert had gone, and the last few dregs of tea were left, that he realised just how drowsy he had become, and the fleeting thought that perhaps the healer had slipped something into his tea; raced through his mind, before he succumbed to the sweet oblivion of sleep. He was vaguely aware of a blanket being pulled over him and he turned onto his side; curling up into Doc’s warmth; sinking down into the man’s thick fur and allowing himself to finally rest.

Chapter Text

Gem saw the moment Keralis finally fell asleep, as the man curled up underneath her provided blanket, and buried both his cheek and his hand into Doc’s fur; relaxing against his body and becoming nothing more than dead weight against the larger man’s side.

“Did you drug him?” Doc asked softly, looking down at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Nope, it was just plain, old Redbush.” She replied truthfully. “I figured that caffeine was the last thing he needed, and it helped Ren to sleep, so I thought it might help him too. I blame your chocolate cake Doc, that is the third Hermit to pass out after eating it.” He chuckled softly and brushed her hair with his hand; the faun leaning back into his side; next to Keralis, and opening her book once more. “You know, I figured that you might be tired by now.” She said softly. “You look as though you’ve been up half the night, and I know that you have been obsessing over Ren’s code as much as X has.”

“Ren didn’t sleep well.” Her friend said with a sigh. “This whole sim thing has messed him up.”

“You mean with his extra memories?” She asked. “Like you said last night?” He hummed and she felt her heart go out to him, knowing that he also hadn’t spoken about, or begun to process his own thoughts on the simulation; having been too worried about Ren to do so. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m here if you do need someone to listen. I know that Ren will need help processing everything, but you have been through the ringer too you know. You are allowed to ask for help Doc.”

“I remember teaching him how to walk.” He whispered; looking over to his hybrid, and she could see the sadness and the worry in his organic eye.

When she had first boarded the ship and met everyone; she’d heard from the other Hermits, just how difficult Doc was to read; his emotions tightly within his control at all times, and the man hardly ever showing his pain…

But as of late she had begun to disagree.

She didn’t think the others had been lying; after all, she’d seen just how shocked and devastated the rest of the server had been, after Doc had opened up at the ill-fated barbeque, some weeks before. But, since they had all woken up from the sim, she had found herself being able to read the creeper as easily as the book she currently held in her hands. Doc looked older somehow; tired and worn, and though she hardly ever saw him; the man shutting himself away in the medical wing or his cabin most of the time; she had caught glimpses of him in the passageways; his shoulders slumped and his organic eye holding all of the signs of a man at the end of his rope.

He looked exhausted.

“You remember what the sim showed you.” She said softly; starting to run her hand through his fur; in what she hoped was a calming gesture.

“And, what really happened.” He replied. “I remember treating him in the back of the hippie van. I remember Xisuma diving into his code. I remember being terrified that neither of them were going to wake up…” He trailed off as his breath hitched, and she figured that he’d not meant to admit that last part out loud. “It doesn’t matter.” He finally said; shaking his head and tearing his eyes away from the sofa; becoming interested in the floor. “They’re safe now.”

“But you still remember Doc.” She said softly. “Just because it is in the past, doesn’t make it any less valid. You were right to be scared, and you are right to still be scared. You came close to losing two very important people, and that must have been awful. Just because some of what you went through was in a simulation, doesn’t make it any less real. You still felt those emotions, still felt that pain. It’s okay to still be hurting.” Doc didn’t reply; instead letting out a long hiss, which was in itself an answer. “Did you hear about how the sim ended for me?” She asked quietly. He looked at her in shock and shook his head; evidently not having considered it. “I tried to bunker down with False, but everything was still shaking, and I kept hitting my head on the ceiling, so then I resorted to giving Goose to Scar and building a sleigh on the back of my deer.”

“Scar?”

“He was offering to take out pets off world in his rocket.” She said quietly. “I had to physically push Goose into the holding pen and walk away. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, and all over a cat that I now know only existed in my head. Does that make my grief over losing a friend any less valid? Of course not, I loved Goose, and knowing that I will never see him again hurts. It all happened Doc, all of it, otherwise why would we all be in such a mess right now?” Doc was silent at that; his eye distant and his jaw tensing. “Like I said, all of the pain and the worry, it’s all justifiable, even the memories from the stuff that happened before the simulation. One doesn’t erase the other, nor make it any less valid.”

“Ren was scratching his arm last night…” She heard him whisper after he took a few moments to himself. “When he got upset in the medical wing, then when he fell asleep and started dreaming…”

“His brain is still not registering it as being back.” She said softly. “He probably didn’t even feel it.” The man shook his head with a pained hiss.

“I spent half the night trying to stop him from doing damage to himself.” She didn’t quite know what to say to that, so instead carefully removed herself from his side and climbed over Keralis to give him a hug; pushing her head underneath his chin and feeling his arms wrapping around her as he relaxed slightly.

“Things will get better Doc.” She whispered. “The more time we spend in reality, the more these memories and experiences will fade. Ren hasn’t been awake a day yet, it is understandable that he is a little freaked out right now. Just give it a little time. We’re all here to help and to support you both.”

“I’m sorry we were such crappy neighbours.” He murmured, and she felt herself smile.

“You were the best neighbours I could have asked for.” She replied honestly. “To find out afterwards that all the stuff you were building was to keep us safe… okay perhaps your lightning machine freaked me out a little.” They both chuckled and she gave his middle one last squeeze before drawing back from him. “I mean it though Doc… having you guys so close… it meant a lot that I could come hang out sometimes if I needed anything. I’m sorry that nothing worked out like it was supposed to.”

“Nothing ever works out like it’s supposed to.” He replied softly. “Welcome to Hermitcraft.” She giggled and knelt up to give him a kiss on his organic cheek; feeling his skin warm under her lips as he ducked his head; suddenly bashful.

“Thank you for the warm welcome.” She said; drawing back and giving him a large smile. “Happy to be here.”

She wasn’t sure if it was possible for creepers to blush, and it could have been the light or her own imagination, but she swore that Doc’s cheeks seemed a little darker as he smiled awkwardly at her; his fangs just visible as he evidently tried hard to look non-threatening.

She had picked up on the behaviour the previous evening; the way he lowered himself down to her height, and kept his hand visible at all times; as though one look at him would send her running away, and she realised that perhaps Doc needed someone like Ren in his life, more than any of them realised.

Someone he couldn’t accidently sneak up on.

Someone who he could bare his fangs at, and have a pair flashed straight back at him.

Someone who understood him…

“Get some rest Doc.” She said softly, smiling at him and reaching out to brush her thumb over his warm cheek; grinning at the residual heat she felt in his skin. “I’ll watch over you all.” She reached out for his hands and gently tugged on them; leading him down onto the floor to curl the rest of the way around Keralis, and she climbed back into her previous spot; brushing his fur with her hand and humming soothingly as he closed his eyes and allowed his breathing to deepen. “Sweet dreams Doc.”  She whispered and felt, rather than heard his responding purr.

Chapter Text

“Zed please.” Impulse begged; watching his friend pace his quarters; his hands wrapped around a stress ball and his eyes strained and distant. “Please just sit down and eat something.”

“I don’t know how you can be so calm!” The blonde practically shouted; his voice bordering on hysterical.

“Because we are safe, and Ren is awake, and Xisuma has been obsessing over the code for an entire week. If he was going to find anything, he would have by now.”

“How am I the only one who doesn’t think that Ren should be up and around yet?” He winced as the hysterical tone finally overtook Zed’s shouting, and his friend’s expression grew even more manic as he went from squeezing the life out of his stress ball to biting his fingernails in a matter of milliseconds. “How am I the only one having a reasonable response to this whole void-damned shit-show? Hey Ren, sorry you have been in a coma for a week, I guess you’re fine now, go and wander aimlessly, to your heart’s desire!”

“Nothing bad is going to happen to Ren.” Impulse replied calmly; trying to get through to his friend, who; if the swearing was any indication; was on the verge of a complete breakdown. “If in the smallest of chances something does go wrong, then the ship will alert us and we can deal with it then. Everything is going to be fine, we’re not there anymore, nothing can hurt us here.”

“Except asteroids, space debris, pressure drops, broken windows, fires, floods, space flu, unidentifiable parasitical aliens that want to eat our brains…”

“Zedaph, stop.” Impulse sighed at Tango’s intervention; knowing that it was coming, but guilty at the fact that it was needed. It wasn’t often he failed to calm Zedaph down, but sometimes Tango’s sterner, heavy-handed approach was the only thing able to pull the younger member of their trio out of his own head.

Tango had moved to block Zed’s pacing and now had the smaller man’s arms gripped firmly; and was staring down at the blond with piercing eyes.

“Asteroid and Space Debris incidents are so rare that we are ninety-five percent guaranteed to never hear of one in our lifetimes. We have protocols and safeguards in place to deal with pressure drops, broken windows, fires and floods; most of which you helped to write and implement, and all space flu does is put you on bed rest for a week whilst we dote on you hand and foot.”

And the aliens…?”

“If there has ever been an incident with…”

“Unidentifiable parasitical aliens that wants to eat our brains.” Impulse offered when Tango trailed off.

“Yeah, one of those… if there has ever been an incident like that, the at least one of us, especially the likes of Xisuma or TFC would have heard about it, and the entire universe would know to the point of it being practically common knowledge. We are safe Zed, and we know that your mind is struggling with that right now, but it is a fact that Xisuma would never let anything happen to any of us.”

“Besides,” Impulse found himself chipping in. “Ren hasn’t been alone at all today. I know that he was on his way to the sketchpad earlier this morning, and I know for a fact that Gem was in there with him, until she went to fetch him some cake around lunchtime. She sent Cub in there to keep an eye on him, and I’m pretty sure Doc will be in there by now. Do you honestly think that anyone; Doc especially will let him out of their sight, now that he is up and around again? He’s going to be fine.”

The younger blond still looked unconvinced, but his breathing was starting to slow slightly, and he had leaned into Tango’s chest; allowing their friend to wrap his arms around him and massage some of the tension out of his neck.

He’d not been handling the simulated apocalypse well… hell none of them had really, but right now he was currently refusing to sleep on his own, and Impulse and Tango had been taking nightly shifts to stay with him through his nightmares and flashbacks, and the two of them wondered how much Zedaph had seen of the whole… moon fall thing.

Perhaps it might have been kinder if the ship had erased the whole thing from their minds completely.

Zedaph hadn’t been the only one with horrific memories, who had come out of the simulation catastrophising everything. Bdubs, False and even Tango himself had all been badly affected by their memories and experiences, and Impulse felt guilt settle in his heart at the thought that he had gotten off lightly with his peaceful trip into the void; surrounded by the rest of Boatem.

“Please just eat something Z.” He whispered; rubbing his temple as he felt the beginnings of a headache bloom. “Then; if you are still worried, we can go and find Ren.”

“He’s right.” Tango replied; backing him up. “You need to eat before you go anywhere.”

“I’m sorry.” He sighed at how small Zed sounded, and he got up from the bed to join the hug in the centre of the cabin; his arms going around Zed’s middle and his nose getting buried into the man’s neck. He felt Tango brush a hand over his hair, and he took a moment to just relish in having his two friends right there with him.

“There is no need to apologise.” He said softly after a while. “We’ve all come out of that sim with stuff we need to work through, none of us should be apologising for how we are dealing with it all.”

“But I was a mess before the whole moon thing, and now it feels like I’ve taken four steps backwards... I thought I was making progress, and now I feel like I’m going mad.”

“Hey.” Tango whispered; pulling away from the hug to cup Zed’s face in his hands. Impulse could see the worry that was burning on the Nether-born’s face and he screwed his own eyes shut and buried himself deeper into the smaller blonde’s neck; his arms tightening around Zed’s waist. “You aren’t going mad.” He heard Tango soothe. “If you were, we would be the first to tell you. You are sleep deprived and stressed out, but you aren’t crazy Z. All of us were a hot mess back there, and all of us were making progress, but right now; we’re still here together, and we’re safe, and if we asked, we could be back in a therapy appointment tomorrow.”

“Xisuma has enough on his plate…”

“Xisuma wants all of us safe and well.” Tango cut off. “But we have to actually admit to him that something is wrong. We did it before, we can do it again. Together.”

“Do you think Skizz knows what happened yet?” Impulse felt his heart skip a beat at that, and he felt like he’d been punched in his chest as his breath stuttered.

He’d not even considered the fact that Skizz might have had absolutely no clue as to what had happened to any of them, and the reason his messages to his friend had been going unanswered started to make some sort of sense.

“I’ve messaged him this week, and if he didn’t know before, he certainly does now.” He said softly; lifting his head from Zed’s neck to rub their cheeks together. “I’m sure he’ll be in touch soon.”

“Can we go and see Ren now?”

“You haven’t eaten yet.” Impulse replied; pulling back from the hug and looking at his friend with serious eyes; knowing that it was his turn to take back over from Tango, now that Zedaph had calmed somewhat.

“I’m really not hungry.” The blond replied; a guilty expression crossing his face. “The last thing I want is to be sick.”

“Fine.” He conceded; taking the small victory of having managed to calm Zed down, over the fact that they had failed to get him to eat for the second meal in a row that day. “But you are having dinner, whether you want to or not. The last thing we want, is you getting sick, which you will if you keep skipping food.”

“I promise I’ll eat dinner.” The younger man said with a nod. “But can we please get out of this cabin?” Impulse glanced up at Tango who nodded; resigned to the fact that their attempts were going to be unsuccessful until they’d calmed Zed’s anxiety the rest of the way, and so he moved back over to the bed to tug on his boots.

The fact that they had gone from two therapist appointments each a week, to trying to work all of this out themselves was starting to take its toll, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before it was all going to come to a head.

He just had to believe everything was going to work itself out.

Chapter Text

Ren felt himself sink further into the warmth surrounding him as he slowly clawed his way back to consciousness, and he felt his brain start to kick into gear as his sharpened senses began painting a picture of the room behind his closed eyes.

He could smell; not just Cub, Gem and Doc, but also his admin and Keralis too, and the hard object digging into his ribs was identified in his hazy brain as Xisuma’s helmet. He had arms tangled around him from both sides, and he cracked his eyes open to find himself still on the sofa; now sandwiched between both Cub and X.

He blinked as much bleariness out of his eyes as possible, and just managed to make out a huge, fuzzy, green blob on the floor opposite him; the distinct purring snores identifying it at Doc.

“Hey Ren.” He blinked and something moved by Doc’s side. “How you feeling?”

“Gem?” He croaked; wincing at his raw, dry throat. “Is that you, my dude?”

“It sure is.” The little female replied; and he watched her shape move as she climbed over Doc to hold something out to him. “Doc didn’t want them to get damaged.” He reached out and felt his sunglasses in her hand; slipping them on and sighing in relief as the world came into focus. “Better?” He nodded in thanks and smiled at the bright grin Gem gave him in return.

“How long have we been out?”

“It’s just nearing dinner time. Keralis and Xisuma got here just after you and Cub fell asleep, and once they had both settled, I managed to convince Doc to get some rest.”

“Finally had to tranquillise him?” He asked; coaxing a light giggle out of her and feeling his tail start to twitch in response to him making someone happy.

“No, you silly Goose. I wouldn’t do that to any of you unless the situation really required it.”

“I’m still not convinced that Doc doesn’t spike his chocolate cake.” He replied with a huff. “I always pass out when I’ve had a slice.”

“You know that would make a lot of sense if I didn’t know that Doc wouldn’t abuse your trust like that.” She replied with a smile. “Keralis had a slice and went straight to sleep too. Now, do you want a hand getting out of there? You don’t exactly look comfortable.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Ren realised just how much he ached. Xisuma’s helmet felt as though it had rubbed a bruise into his ribs, and his back was stiff from the awkward angle he’d been laying at between the two men.

“I would appreciate that my dude.” He finally replied after doing a mental calculation of how likely he was to fall flat on his face; once vertical. “You might want to stand back though. I haven’t really gotten fully used to balancing without my leg on, and I don’t want to squish you.”

Her scent changed instantly, and he saw the sadness and worry make its way onto her face as he realised what he had said. He closed his eyes and felt his ears droop and suddenly there was a hand on his cheek; Gem’s thumb running over his cheek bone as a soothing hum left the little faun.

“It will take time.” She said softly. “But you’ll get there Ren. This whole thing has messed with everyone’s heads, and you had your cybernetics for so long that it is only natural for your mind to have not caught up yet. Let me get you out from between X and Cub, and you can come and join me and Keralis; snuggling into Doc.” He nodded at that and instantly groaned as she gently coaxed Cub from out of his right side; freeing his stiff shoulder and arm, and he spent a few seconds wiggling his fingers; trying to work some feeling back into them.

He opened his eyes and he was back in the campervan; Doc stood in front of him and talking him through the first initial tests of his arm; flexing the wrist up and down and slowly moving each finger, as his brain got used to the limited sensations and the stiff joints…

“Ren?” He blinked and found Gem looking up at him in far more worry than she had been previously.

“Sorry my dude… just zoned out for a moment there. I’m okay.”

“Okay, up you get.” She commanded; her head going underneath his right arm as she gripped onto his hand and pulled.

He whimpered as the pain in his back exploded and he felt his knees give way; sending both of them to the floor in a pile. He fell away from her and curled up; screwing his eyes shut, as images of the van flashed before them…

“Ren…”

His initial, temporary prosthetic…

“Ren?”

Falling and trying to catch himself with his right arm…

“Ren!”

The pain in his shoulder and hip crippling his mind as Doc started to fit his cybernetics.

“REN!”

He gasped and opened his eyes; Doc’s voice coming into focus as the creeper tried to soothe him; his right hand held tightly in Doc’s left as the man desperately tried to bring him back from inside his own head.

“Take them off.” He whimpered. “Please, they hurt… take them.” His shoulder and hip were on fire once more, and though he could see his hand in Doc’s; his body was telling him a different story about the realness of his limbs.

“It’s okay Ren…” Doc soothed; squeezing his hand just that bit tighter. “It wasn’t real, they weren’t real…”

“But it hurts.” He replied in an almost sob; his breath hitching in his throat. “It hurts so bad Doc.”

He heard a whimper behind him and lifted his head as much as he could stand; meeting the pained eyes of his admin as Xisuma looked up from his communicator’s medical screen at him; dark circles under his eyes; all the more prominent from beneath his visor.

“I’m sorry.” That was a sob, and he felt his eyes sting with tears at the agonising scent of their young voidwalker. “I’m sorry.”

He whined at Xisuma’s apology and Doc hushed him again; letting his hand go, to stroke at his hair and ears, and filling the air with soothing hisses as he fought once again to get his breathing under control.

“It hurts Doc.”

“I know. I’m going to fix it.” The creeper whispered. “I’m going to help, but you have to stay with me, okay?” He nodded and allowed himself to be scooped up into Doc’s arm; burying himself into the man’s chest as another hand took over stroking his ears.

“It’s okay Ren.” Gem whispered. “We’ve got you, just try to follow Doc’s breathing whilst Xisuma checks you over, okay?” He nodded and tried to concentrate on counting his breaths and staying as still as possible whilst his admin completed the scans.

“His muscles are in spasm.” He heard X whisper; his admin’s voice shaky, but back under the control that had so evidently slipped just seconds before. “His hip and his shoulder…”

“Cramp?” Gem asked from his side.

“Probably residual phantom pains, coupled with pins and needles telling his brain that his arm and leg don’t belong… I should have foreseen this.”

“Not your fault Xisuma.” Doc rumbled from beneath him. “Stop blaming yourself.”

“But…”

“You heard Doc, stop it Shishwhammy.”

Ren allowed himself to drift as their conversation washed over him; Cub offering to grab Doc’s kit from medical whilst they discussed possible solutions over his head; whilst he concentrated on just trying to calm his breathing and on flexing and unflexing his fingers and toes in a bid to lessen the pain coming from them.

“Take them.” He heard himself whisper. “Please take them. Too painful, I don’t want them there…”

“I’m not amputating healthy limbs Ren.” Doc whispered back to him. “I’ll fix this, but I’m not putting you through that again.” He heard the door open, and more conversation and then felt a needle enter his shoulder; the pain dulling almost instantly as more needles were pushed under his skin on both his shoulder, then his hip, numbing the muscles.

Within minutes he could no longer feel either his arm or his leg and he felt himself sob in relief as the pain lifted.

“How long will it last?” He heard Cub ask.

“An hour at most.”

“Is there anything more you can do?”

“Keeping him under local will help, but it isn’t a long-term solution. I’ll need to get him back to medical to give him the next dose. Will need to keep an eye on how fast his body burns it through.”

He felt himself get lifted into strong arms and whimpered when he realised it wasn’t Doc who was carrying him, and that all he could smell was Xisuma’s guilt and panic; neither of which were helping to calm him down.

“I only have one arm right now.” The creeper whispered; close to his ear; brushing back his hair. “But ‘suma has you and I’m right here.” He felt the air changes as he was carried through the ship from the Sketchpad to the hangar bays and he fought to keep his mind clear as they finally arrived at the same medical wing he’d woken up in the previous night.

Xisuma gently lowered him onto the first bed he came to, and he could hear the group go to work around him as he teetered once more on the edge of consciousness. Doc sounded frustrated, and Xisuma was bordering on angry, but all of it washed over him as he felt the bed dip, and he opened his eyes to see Gem smiling at him sadly as she began to run her fingers through his hair; humming softly.

“You’re going to be okay Ren.” She whispered. “We’ve got you.”

He closed his eyes and let himself be surrounded by nothing but her quiet music and serene, calm scent, and he eventually drifted back off to sleep; exhausted from whatever the last fifteen minutes had been.

Chapter Text

“How long will you keep him out?” Doc sighed and rubbed his eye at his admin’s question, as Ren finally, mercifully passed out.

The last week had rubbed his emotions raw, and waking up that afternoon; so suddenly to Ren whimpering and crying on the floor of the sketchpad; begging him to remove cybernetics that no longer existed…

“It’s not a question of keeping him out.” He replied; fighting to keep his voice steady as he dug his thumb into his organic eye; in a feeble attempt to lessen his headache. “It’s a question of what to do when he wakes up. The local will have numbed his arm and his leg, and will stop the spasms, but it’s not even a long-term solution, nor a sustainable one for keeping him even remotely mobile. I don’t have answers for you yet X, and it’s going to be at least a few days until I do… this is so early days, and there is so much we don’t know yet… I could use your help.”

“Whatever you need Doc…”

“Possibly Stress and Etho too… eventually… if I can’t fix it…” It hurt to admit that, with so little information to go off of, but the pain in Ren’s scent had been thick and heavy, and he had little other experience to go from, other than what they had both suffered; after the loss of their limbs.

“Etho… Doc you can’t be serious…”

“I don’t know what I’m doing Xisuma!” He finally snapped; feeling his fur begin to fluff up and gunpowder starting to scent the sterile air of the medical wing. “I don’t know what I can do to fix what I can’t see. Do you honestly think; that if there was another solution to phantom pains, I would have amputated the rest of my own arm? I don’t cut off healthy limbs X, but chronic phantom pains, and cramping from past injury isn’t healthy. I don’t like it any more than you do, but if re-amputating; spares him from being in constant pain for the rest of his life… that is what I will do.” Xisuma now smelt of pity and concern and Doc hissed as the scent hit his nose before turning back to Ren.

He had begun to hate the medical wing. The only time he hadn’t spent sitting in it; watching Ren sleep, had been spent working on the hybrid’s code, and though the harsh lighting hurt his eyes, and the sterile smell had started to make him nauseous, he would sit there again until his friend woke up.

“Doc…”

“I don’t know what I’m doing Xisuma…” He cut Keralis’s soft reply off; in danger of losing the tenuous control he had over his emotions. His heart was both racing and clenching; from the adrenaline and from the thought that he’d have to help Ren make an unthinkable decision. “I just know that I can’t let him go back to hurting like that… I can’t.”

He was failing… again.

Failing to keep Ren safe.

Failing to be better.

Failing to protect rather than harm…

He stiffened up as soon as he felt arms circle around him and Gem pushed herself into his chest; humming soothingly and running her hand over his back. He let out another hiss but eventually sat down and wrapped his own arm around the tiny female; bending down to rest his forehead between her antlers.

“I don’t want him to be in pain anymore.” He quietly hissed out. “I need to fix this.”

“You need sleep Doc.” Gem responded softly. “Both you and Xisuma.” He shook his head against hers but was hushed and she pulled back to cup his cheek with her hand. “Go and get some rest. I’ll watch over Ren and put him back under if he wakes up in pain, but you can’t help when you are in this state.”

“I’m not leaving him…”

“Then we are all moving into your cabin.” She responded. “Those are your two options Doc, because staying here is not healthy for you. We can help you carry Ren back to your nest, and all curl up, and I’ll even watch over you as you sleep. Or, I can message Bdubs to get in here and drag your big green butt to bed; kicking and screaming if that’s what it takes.”

“She has a point Doc.” Keralis responded from where he was stood; practically holding Xisuma up. Their admin had his head buried into the man’s shoulder and was evidently dead on his feet; with only Keralis’s strong arms keeping him from falling to his knees. “You both need more sleep than you got earlier. You can’t help Ren in this state.”

He looked back down at Gem, who was gazing up at him with large eyes and felt his resistance shatter; sighing and closing his eye; giving her a nod as he did so. If it was going to even remotely help Ren, then he would do anything by that point.

“Okay. Shishwhammy, I need to sit you down for a bit whilst I help Cub move Ren.”

He heard shuffling behind him but largely ignored it as he felt Gem push her head back into his chest and he leaned down to once more nuzzle her hair; rewarded with a small giggle and some soothing humming from the faun as he braced himself for Ren’s dead weight on his back.

He largely ignored the entire process of Cub and Keralis moving the wolf hybrid, but as soon as his friend was safely situated and secured with bandages against him, and once Xisuma was vertical and somewhat lucid; they were moving through the ship together.

“It’s nearing dinner.” Cub said softly; when they eventually neared their cabins. “I’ll go and let everyone know that you’ve all gone to bed early, and try to ward off the crowd slightly. Just let me know when you’re all awake tomorrow, and I’ll drop breakfast in to you.”

Doc barely heard him but nodded stiffly anyway as the dark-haired man broke away from them and headed towards the mess hall with a wave. Gem was clutching his medical kit, and he knew that his arm was still leant against his desk; which covered them if Ren woke up in the middle of the night…

He tried not to think about it.

“Hey, Doc?” He hummed in response to Gem’s questioning tone, and it took him a few seconds to realise that they had arrived at his door, and that being able to enter his cabin, actually required some input from him.

“Sorry.” He finally responded; shaking his head to try to clear his thoughts, and pushing his comms set against the lock; sighing in relief as the door clicked open. Gem smiled at him but otherwise seemed unfazed as she gripped his hand in both of her own and pulled him towards his nest.

It took him a few minutes to parse through his thoughts well enough to remove Ren from his back safely, but he was soon curled protectively around his hybrid; Xisuma tucked up against his back in Keralis’s arms and Gem sat by his head; stroking her hands through his hair and humming softly to them all.

He closed his eyes to the small female’s soft music and once again felt himself calming down and drifting off to the melody; feeling oddly at peace despite the sheer worry and concern running through his head.

Ren was safe in his arms right now, and Xisuma was there if anything happened…

It was probably going to be fine.

He would wake up in the morning to breakfast, and they would sit and talk about what Ren had experienced earlier that evening; but for now; he could rest.

Chapter Text

Gem watched the group drift back off to sleep and instantly took out her comms set; scrolling through the worried messages in chat and starting to try and calm everyone down with reassurances that they were all okay and resting peacefully. It was now dinner; meaning almost everyone was either in the mess hall or one of the rec rooms, and she found herself updating three different sets of Hermits, as well as sending a quick update below decks; where their support crew were also worrying about what was happening on the upper levels of the ship.

She had just finished writing out a fleshed-out update for Ren’s brother; when her comms set buzzed in her hands with a direct message.

ImpulseSV whispers to you: I need a favour.

GeminiTay: Sure, what’s wrong?

ImpulseSV: Zed’s really freaking out, and we can’t calm him down. Can he come in to see that they’re okay with his own eyes? We’ll be really quiet; you won’t even know we’re there.

GeminiTay: Not sure that’s a good idea right now. Doc is probably going to be really protective of Ren, and he’d be able to smell you when he wakes up. I can take ten to come and calm him though, if you think it would help.

ImpulseSV: Can you? Me and Tango would owe you one.

GeminiTay: I can’t leave them for too long, so can you try and meet me somewhere close to Doc’s?

ImpulseSV: If you come out of Doc’s cabin door and turn left, there is a rec room three doors on your right, meet you there in five.

GeminiTay: omw :)

ImpulseSV: Thank you Gem. You’re the best.

Gem smiled and closed her comms; turning her attentions back to the pile of bodies surrounding her and glancing over them all; stroking their hair and trying to exude as much calm as she possibly could; humming softly to them and tucking them in; with Doc’s blankets.

Once she was certain that none of them were in danger of waking up in the next fifteen minutes; she slipped out of the nest and into the corridor; heading left and reaching a junction in the passageways; counting doors as she went. As soon as she stepped into the cross passage; she was greeted by a white-faced Zedaph flanked by Impulse and Tango; both of whom looked exhausted and mentally wrung out; trying to prevent him from tearing away from their hold, and heading towards Doc’s.

She trotted towards the trio and said nothing as she took Zed’s hands and led him into the rec room; gently humming and rubbing her thumb across his knuckles as she began to calm him down. He followed her almost blindly; his eyes glazing over at her music, and his breathing starting to slow from the desperate gasping he’d been doing when she’d first touched him.

“Ren is sleeping, and has been drugged by Doc to help with the pain.” She said softly; sitting them both down on one of the sofas and starting to rub her hand over his back. “They’re both curled up with Xisuma and Keralis, and they’re all getting some much-needed rest. It was a bad case of cramp; nothing more, and he’ll be okay in the morning. Between us, we are going to start looking at solutions to help him if it happens again, but it has nothing to do with his code, and is purely leftover discomfort from the simulation.” She kept her sentences short and to the point as she went about calming the scientist, and soon he was gazing at her with his still-glazed expression; his eyes starting to droop as her music did its work. “They’re all okay Zedaph. They’re safe. We’re safe. You can rest now; nothing is going to happen.”

“You sure?” He slurred; his evident sleep deprivation starting to catch up on him; now that he was starting to relax.

“I’m positive. You’re safe Zed, and Tango and Impulse are here to keep reminding you of that, but you have to work with them. Help them to help you.”

“We’ve got you buddy.” Impulse said; sitting down at Zed’s other side and pulling him into his shoulder. He gave her a grateful smile over the top of the blonde’s head and she nodded; getting up to allow Tango to take her place.

“You should sleep Zed.” She whispered; placing her hand on his cheek and starting to hum once more; her thumb; brushing over his cheekbone as his eyes fluttered shut. “We have you. You’re safe on the Hermitheus. Nothing is going to happen.”

It took her a few minutes; but soon Zedaph was breathing deeply into Impulse’s neck; his body becoming slack as sleep overtook him and his hands unclenching from where they had been squeezing Impulse’s arm.

“Thank you.” The man in question whispered. “Thank you, Gem. We really owe you one.”

“You owe me nothing.” She replied softly; standing up from where she had been kneeling on the floor. “Just take care of him and yourselves. You both look as exhausted as he does.”

“He hasn’t been sleeping well.” Tango explained with a pained look; his eyes dull and ringed in purple. “None of us have, after what happened.”

“All the more reason for you to be taking care of yourselves.” She whispered; dropping a soft kiss to all three’s temples. “Get some rest you two. Even if you bunk in here for the night instead of risking moving him; you all need some sleep, and I’m only a message away if you need me.”

“They are all okay… right?” Impulse asked; his eyes shining with worry as he searched her face for answers, she wasn’t sure she had.

“A little beaten up emotionally.” She admitted. “It wasn’t easy for Doc or X to see Ren like that, but they’re going to be fine. From what I understand it’s residual phantom pains from the sim, and though they aren’t a quick or easy fix; Doc, X, Stress and I will be on the case as soon as all of us are fit and well rested. They’re going to be okay Impulse, I know you worry about them too, but we have the ship’s entire medical wing at our disposal, and we’re all here to support one another as we head towards Season 9. It’s not like we’re thousands of blocks apart at the minute; we’re only a few doors down from one another at most. Please try not to worry too much.”

“I know…” The older man replied; suddenly unable to make eye contact with her. “I know what you’re going to say… that I worry too much and that I should be concentrating on myself… but this is all a bit scary; even by our standards. It just feels like we have made so little progress since coming out of the sim, and have actually taken steps back; rather than forwards. I’m trying though… I promise I’m trying.”

Tango had made a small noise of protest at Impulse’s speech, but Gem could see that everything the younger man had said; he completely believed. The unintentional consequence of what had been said during the sim; was that Impulse now seemed to feel as though he had to justify worrying about his friends; completely the opposite of what Gem knew they were trying to achieve.

“I know you are.” She replied; running her hand through his hair. “I know you’re trying, and I can see that the three of you are helping one another. You don’t have to apologise for worrying or caring Impulse, just try to get some more sleep, okay? That’s all I’m going to ask of either of you right now. I can help with Zed, and he will be out until at least the morning; I’ve made sure of that, you two just need to try and get some rest of your own.”

Impulse nodded and his eyes briefly met hers when she brushed a finger beneath them; tracing the dark circles.

“Get some sleep Impulse. I’m just a few doors away if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Gem.”

“Yeah, you really are great.” Tango added; which she couldn’t help but giggle at. She pressed another kiss to each of their temples before leaving them to rest with a little wave.

She knew that everything was going to take time to settle back down, and she knew that she had the tools and capacity to help, but things were difficult when she herself didn’t fully understand the physical scope of what they were dealing with in regards to Ren’s injuries. She just had to hope that Xisuma and Doc had more information for her to work from; as though she was fully able to help him stay calm, and give him something to focus on; she wasn’t able to ease his pain much beyond distracting him from it.

She slipped back into Doc’s cabin; only to meet Keralis’s worried eyes, and she gave him a small; reassuring smile as she silently cursed in her head.

“Hey K.” She whispered; climbing back into the nest and tucking herself behind him; wrapping her arms around his middle and resting her head on his shoulder; Doc’s long body underneath her, and his slow and steady heartbeat thumping against her shoulder. “I’m okay, I just had to see Impulse for a minute to let him know you’re all doing okay. Go back to sleep. I’m not leaving again.”

“You’ll stay?”

“I’ll stay.”

“Wake me up if Shishwhammy needs me?”

“Always.”

“You, okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“All right.” She smiled as his eyes drooped once more, and soon he was back out like a light; his head resting against hers and their admin still tucked in his arms; completely unaware of the small disturbance.

She carefully repositioned herself to tuck herself into Keralis’s back; so that Doc’s heartbeat was against her cheek, and she slipped one of her hands between Keralis’s chest and Xisuma’s helmet; finding a position where she could not only feel her admin’s breaths, but Keralis’s heartbeat too, and she finally allowed herself to drift off; surrounded by the lifeforce of her friends.

She had concerns, and she could admit that she was a little worried; but as long as their hearts kept beating, and as long as she was able to help them; she would let everything else sort itself out in its own time.

Chapter Text

Keralis woke the next morning to warmth surrounding him, and his voidwalker; safe in his arms. It was often in those peaceful, early moments; when everything was perfect in his little universe. He’d watched with huge eyes and a clenched chest as Ren cried out in pain on the floor of the Sketchpad, and his heart ached for the hybrid in question, as well as for Xisuma and Doc; who had also witnessed the terrifying few moments of panic.

He had to admit to himself that he’d let his admin, take his code diving too far. That despite his best efforts, he’d been unsuccessful in preventing the young man from overworking himself. It wasn’t the first time he’d tried and failed, but now; after what they had all been through in the last few weeks; he had to admit that Xisuma shutting himself away in the bridge was unhealthy for both himself and the rest of his Hermits.

“K?”

“Good morning sweetface.” He whispered as Xisuma’s helmet shifted from his chest. “Quietly now, Doc, Ren and Gem are still sleeping.”

“I’m sorry.” His young admin whispered; looking up at him with purple eyes, half hidden by his helmet. “I’m sorry.”

“Hush now Shishwham.” He replied back; leaning forwards to press his forehead to the front of the young man’s visor. “There is nothing you needs to be sorry for. I let you overwork yourself and hide away, and look where that has brought us. Ren will be okay, I know that you and Doc will be working hard to help him, but until then, you need rest.”

“I was scared… I panicked…”

“And that is completely understandable sweetface.” He reassured; wishing more than anything that they were in Xisuma’s cabin; rather than Doc’s. He would have given anything in that moment to remove his admin’s helmet and run his hands soothingly through the young man’s hair, but they were currently stuck in an unbreathable environment for the Voidwalker, and thus his friend’s beautiful face was stuck within his helmet. “Nothing you have to apologise for. You is tired, and worried, and yesterday was scary. But we’re here Shishwham, and we’re safe, and we can all work together to help those of us who need it. Now that you know the code is stable, and now Ren is awake, we can start healing our family’s hurts.”

“I left them.”

“No princess, I’m not going to let you do this. You have been busy making sure that they were safe, and that their code is okay. They’re big boys and girls who have had each other to lean on over the past week, and everyone understands why you have been so worried. We know from experience now, what is needed, and I can help you to contact people who can help again, but this week has been all about making sure we are safe, something which you have done without rest. You did good my beautiful Shishwhammy. You did so, so good.”

A small noise left his admin, and he pulled the young man’s helmet towards his chest and tightened his embrace into a hug. He desperately wanted to bundle his friend away back to a void space, but he knew that Xisuma would protest until he had seen that Ren was okay with his own eyes. The most he could do was offer as much comfort as he could, and he started whispering reassurances and affirmations to the young man; reiterating the fact that he loved him, and that he’d done well in regards to keeping them safe.

Eventually his admin’s breaths started to even out once more, and the pair of them fell into a light doze, as they waited for the rest of their group to wake up; Xisuma’s head resting against his chest, and the man’s hands clutching his shirt. It was from this position that he felt Gem stir behind him; the little faun stretching her arms and legs out with a yawn as she woke up.

He knew that she had slipped out of the nest at some point yesterday evening, and he’d briefly woke up in the night to her hand over his heart and her head tucked into his back. She seemed to have taken it upon herself to see that they all stayed relaxed and calm, and he appreciated her help in looking after their friends.

He laid still and quiet as he felt her shuffle around, and closed his eyes as he listened to her climb over both him and Xisuma and trot towards the bathroom. Only once he knew she was finished and heading back to the nest did he mumble a ‘morning sweetface’ to her and was awarded with a soft giggle and a kiss to his temple.

“Morning Keralis. You are awful at pretending you are asleep. Did you know that?” He opened his eyes and grinned up at her from where she was perched on the side of the nest, looking down at him fondly.

“Am not.”

“Are so.” She teased back at him; reaching out to stroke his hair. “Glad you are looking better though. You needed sleep badly.”

“Did you drug me yesterday?”

“I wouldn’t do that to you without your permission K.” Gem replied; a small frown pulling at her features. “I just gave you non-caffeinated tea. You managed to pass out all on your own.”

“I was sleepy.”

“Well, yes. You’ve been looking after Xisuma.” She had taken on the tone of someone explaining something to a small child, and he couldn’t help but smile at how similar to himself she sounded in that moment. “Doc practically had to carry you from the sofa to the temporary nest yesterday. He gave me such a scowl when you accepted my offer of tea and cake. The hypocrite would have preferred you to go to sleep immediately.”

“I wanted to stay and watch over Shishwham.”

“But I was there to do that for you Keralis.” She replied; continuing to brush his hair with her fingers. “You can’t look after him on your own. You’ll end up as burnt out as he is. You gotta let us help every now and then.”

“Love your face.”

“Love yours more.” She replied with another giggle. “I was going to go and see if I could raid the kitchen for breakfast food. Do you want a coffee?”

“Caffeinated this time?” She outright laughed at that and lent over once more to kiss his head.

“Yes K. Caffeinated.”

“I want two.”

“Nope, one is perfectly reasonable for this time in a morning. Especially seeing as; if my calculations are correct; Grian is on kitchen duty, and that means lots of sugar in whatever he’s cooked up.”

“Okay. One then. But a big one please.”

“One large coffee on the way.” She said with a smile; hopping to her hooves and blowing him a kiss on the way out of the door. He smiled and rested his cheek against Xisuma’s head; relishing once more in the calm of the morning.

“You must be better at pretending to sleep than I am.” He said with a chuckle; squeezing his admin. “She suspected nothing.”

“Good job on trying to convince her to grab me a coffee though.”

“Do you think that’s why she said no? Because she knew you were awake and needed more rest?”

“Probably. At least I can trust you not to deny me caffeine.” He chuckled at that and gently bumped their foreheads together.

“I think your sweetface needs more help to sleep than to stay awake.” He replied. “I think that is something each and every hermit can agree on.”

“You’re all monsters.” He laughed at that and they both fell back into an easy silence; waiting for Gem’s reappearance with food. It was nice… peaceful, and he would mornings like this over cuddle piles any day of the week. Cuddle piles were nice, but there was nothing like having his admin all to himself for a couple of hours.

“I love you Shishwhammy.” He said softly after a little while. “I love your face, and your brain, and your heart. My beautiful angel from another dimension. My Shishwham. My clever, pretty girl.” He chuckled when Xisuma pressed his face into his chest with a groan, and he knew that underneath his helmet; he’d managed to make the voidwalker blush.

“Get a room you two.”

He wouldn’t have been able to stop his admin if he’d tried, and Xisuma shot out of his arms at the sound of Ren’s tired voice; the young man practically vaulting over Doc’s back to fuss over a very tired and amused hybrid.

“I’m fine X.” He heard Ren reassure between his friend’s frantic mutterings, and he sat up; shooting a glance at Doc; who was still snoring softly.

“Shishwham, Ren needs to breath.” He scolded softly when the pair of them came into view. He folded his arms on Doc’s back and rested his chin on them; gazing down at Xisuma; hugging the life force out of Ren.

“I’m sorry I scared you Xisuma.” The hybrid in question said; hugging their admin back. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you.” Keralis tutted at that and looked up when the door to the cabin was pushed open to reveal a frazzled Gem; balancing a tray of boxes and cups, and trailed by a rarely seen; familiar face. He glanced at Ren who frowned and sniffed the air; his glasses still sitting on Doc’s desk; and watched as a huge smile bloomed across the man’s face.

“Look who was skulking around the kitchens.” Gem tutted; trotting into the cabin and setting her tray down on Doc’s desk. “I managed to pick up a stray.”

Just as he’d been unable to stop Xisuma, his admin was unable to stop Ren as he practically flew out of the nest; waking Doc in the process, and diving into the arms of his little brother; sending the pair of them to the floor in a pile of limbs and laughter.

He laughed and buried his face into his arms as Xisuma let out protests that Ren was still recovering; something that went completely over the hybrid’s head as he grappled with Jono on the floor of Doc’s cabin.

“Come here Shishwham.” He said softly; holding his hand out and helping the man climb back over a now shifting Doc. “Let them be.”

“But…”

“No buts Sweetface. Right now, he needs his Jono, and you need cuddles. Let the children play.” Gem giggled at that and they all turned to watch Doc wake up; wincing at his hiss when he stretched out his shoulders.

“I’m fine.” The creeper reassured; waving his hand at them. “Just stiff.”

“For what it’s worth, you make an excellent pillow.” Gem replied; handing him a coffee with a smile. “Ten out of ten would sleep on you again.” Keralis smirked at the expression that came over Doc’s face, and he wasn’t sure if the creeper seemed more amused or offended; blinking at the tiny faun who was giving him the biggest, and most innocent smile she could.

“I smell coffee!” Ren suddenly yelled from where he was pinned underneath his brother on the floor and the hybrid playfully snapped at Jono’s wrist in a bid to escape; only for the smaller man to growl right back at him with a lopsided grin. “We have a hostage situation here!”

Ren’s dramatic wailing was met with much hilarity from himself and Gem, and as he hugged his admin from behind and rested his head on Xisuma’s shoulder; to watch the byplay between the brothers, he mourned the loss of his peaceful morning; whilst relishing in the fact that Ren at least; seemed to be back in high spirits.

Chapter Text

Doc glanced over the strings of code as they scrolled past; on his screens. Lines and lines of ones and zeros; the baseline to Ren’s player code. There was something he had to have missed the first twenty times… something that had gotten messed up in the simulation…

There was shuffling behind him, and he spun his chair around in panic; only to watch Ren turn over in his sleep; curling around a pillow and chomping down on one of its corners; like a teething kit. It hadn’t been the first time he’d found the hybrid chewing on something in his sleep, but seeing the almost puppy-like behaviour from Ren, after the few months they’d just had… it was relieving and adorable in equal measures.

There were a few tense seconds as Doc tried to keep very still and very quiet; but soon the younger man started snoring softly, and he let out a sigh of relief he hadn’t even known he’d been holding. He got up from his chair and padded over to the nest; sitting down and brushing Ren’s fringe away from his face before pulling a soft blanket over his sleeping hybrid.

He couldn’t help but smile at how much younger Ren looked like this…

He chuckled when the man grumbled something unintelligible, and he hushed him gently; rubbing at the base of his ears with a soft purr.

“I have you bruderhertz.” He whispered. “Go back to sleep.” Ren grumbled again around the corner of the pillow; that was still hanging out of his mouth, before he let out a soft growl and bit down on it once more.

The sheer sight of Ren’s puppy dreams; had him letting out a quiet, hissing laugh, and he brushed Ren’s hair once more, before deciding to let his friend be. He stood up and stretched; hissing as his back complained at him for bending over, and he decided that a coffee was definitely in order.

After Jono’s surprise visit, that morning; the rest of the group had dispersed; leaving Doc, Ren and his brother alone, to discuss what had happened over the last week or so.

“But he is okay, right?” The younger of the two brothers had asked; looking at Doc with worried filled eyes.

“As far as I can tell.” He’d admitted. “I’ve combed over his code time and time again, and I haven’t seen any errors or glitches, but yesterday’s pain was real enough, and I will have another look.”

“No Doc.” Ren had piped up; shaking his head and shooting Jono a reassuring smile. “I trust that you won’t have missed anything. Between you and Xisuma; my code will have been poked and prodded enough, if there was something to find, one of you would have found it. You told me when I woke up that I would still experience some discomfort, it’s just something I’m going to have to work through.”

“You call what happened yesterday discomfort?” Jono growled. “Doc said you were begging him to remove your limbs out of pain.”

Doc winced at Jono’s poor wording, his mind flashing back to the sight of Ren; writhing on the floor of the Sketchpad; crying out of pain and fear.

The truth was, that he’d tried.

He’d spent hours and hours looking over Ren’s code.

Hours; holed up in front of his screens; repeating his checks thrice fold, and sending each line of code to the hive mind, allowing them to quadruple check his work; despite the invasion of Ren’s privacy, that had consequently occurred.

He’d yet to have that talk with Ren.

The thing was, that he was sure that nothing was wrong… that Ren’s code was back to the healthy strings of digits that it had been before Tatttooren, over a year ago.

He hadn’t taken any chances, and everything seemed to have gone wrong, all the same.

In hindsight, he’d been arrogant to believe that he hadn’t missed something.

“Phantom pains are nothing new.” Ren had replied; a faraway look in his eyes. “I’ll start some physical therapy stuff again over the next couple of days, and we’ll go from there.”

It was a neat solution born out of Ren’s unwavering hope, and Doc swore to himself that the previous day would not be repeated, even if it meant that he continued to trawl through Ren’s code.

He breathed deeply as he stepped out of his cabin, and he frowned when the smell of distress reached his nose, from further down the passage. He set off; winding his way through the quarters before reaching the small, unused rec room sandwiched between Cleo and Joe’s cabins. He poked his head around the arch and his brows rose as the sight of Tango; trying desperately to soothe a whimpering Zedaph, who was wrapped in the arms of a sleeping Impulse.

“Hey.” He whispered; and Tango shot around; his face filling with relief. “Can I help?”

“Yes, get your ass in here.” The Nether-born replied in an almost growl. He padded in and knelt down at the side of him; reaching out to take one of Zedaph’s hands; rubbing his thumb over the back and shushing him; soothingly. “He’s been having nightmares every night since we came out of the damn sim, and if I don’t either wake him or get him calmed down soon, Impy is going to wake up and panic. Damn it I wish Gem had stayed last night.”

“Gem was here?” Doc asked, not realising that the tiny female had slipped out of the cabin.

“Yeah, she got him calmed down and managed to convince him that walking in on all of you was a bad idea. He’s been worrying about Ren.” Doc started to hiss soothingly; reaching out to brush his hand over Zedaph’s wild curls; pausing only to rub behind the man’s ear with his thumb.

“You say he’s been like this since waking up?” He asked, as Zedaph finally started to calm; his breathing, evening out.

“He’s not the only one.” Tango replied; his scent bitter and worried. “Some Hermits were still on world when the moon hit. I know you’ve been watching over Ren, and I get the fact that you’re worried about him, but there are others who need help Doc, and it hasn’t helped with Xisuma going MIA as well.”

“I’m sorry.” He replied, sincerely; feeling a familiar guilt start to curl in his stomach. “I got too distant again, didn’t I?”

“Gem’s been helping, and so has Stress and Pearl but…”

“It’s not their job.” Doc responded with a nod. “And I practically chased everyone out of the medical wing last week.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay man. The sim kinda messed all of us up, and you and Ren weren’t doing so hot beforehand either. Everyone gets it and understands.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“So am I.” Tango replied with a sigh. “It’s just been rough.” A silence fell over them both as the blonde studied the face of his friends, before he sighed yet again, and let go of Zed; turning to lean against the sofa and rubbing a hand over his eyes.

“You haven’t been sleeping.” Doc said; bluntly.

“Zedaph hasn’t slept a night on his own for the past week, and hasn’t actually slept a night at all. Impulse and I have been pulling shifts to try to help but…”

“But none of you were doing so hot through the sim either.” Doc finished, when Tango trailed off. “I’m still trying to work out whether the whole therapy thing was part of the sim, or whether we did actually speak to someone off ship.”

“If you work that out, could you let us know?” The blonde asked with a broken half-laugh, and Doc; despite himself; folded the man into a side hug. “I’m so tired Doc.” Tango admitted, and he sighed and nuzzled the man’s hair; his chest rumbling again in an attempt to soothe. “How’s Ren?”

“Sleeping.” He replied. “There was an… incident yesterday, and it wore him out, but I think he’s doing okay.”

“What kind of incident?” Tango asked; and smell of worry on concern rose in the air.

“Phantom pains.” Doc replied with a sigh, and he pulled back from the smaller man to rub his hands over his face. “I’ve checked through his code, Xisuma has checked through his code, but there is nothing to suggest that he should still be experiencing anything like he did yesterday.”

“You were scared.” Tango stated; rather than asked.

“He was begging me to take his limbs.” He replied without thinking, “Of course I was scared.” Another silence fell over them; this one more awkward than the last, and he smelt the fact that Tango didn’t quite know what to say. “Sorry.” He said again. “I shouldn’t be unloading on you.”

“It’s okay man, it was only a few weeks ago that we were pushing both of you to open up to us more… I just… that’s a lot.” He laughed bitterly; feeling his eye sting, and he pushed his thumb into it; trying to shove down his rising distress. It wasn’t helping anyone, least of all Tango.

“It’s fine… well it’s not… but it’s going to be. Ren is insistent that some more physical therapy is going to help but…”

“But you don’t agree.” The blonde finished. “I get it man… anything we can do to help…” Both of them laughed at that; bitter and regretful, and Doc leant back into him; his need for coffee coming back with a vengeance.

“Tango… Doc?” Tango was up in an instant to shush Impulse, and shoot a nervous glance at Zedaph, and Doc watched as the nether-born pushed his forehead against the brunette’s and reached up to stroke over the man’s hair. He coughed and shifted awkwardly; feeling like he was intruding on something personal between the pair, and he rose to his paws; ready to excuse himself.

“Wait… Doc… How’s Ren?” Impulse asked; his eyes full of the same worry he’d seen in Tango’s. He glanced at the blonde and sighed. “Tired, but okay.” He answered in a half-truth. “He’s still asleep, I was on my way to grab a coffee… would you like one fetching?” He cursed himself for giving himself an excuse to come back, but the two men shook their heads and declined; more than likely sensing his weariness to return. “I better get back to him… if you need anything…”

“Would it be okay if we brought Zedaph by later? He really is worried about Ren.” Tango asked quietly.

“Give us an hour or so… he should be awake by then.”

“Thanks Doc.” Impulse said quietly but gratefully.

He nodded and left them to it; making his way through to the mess hall and praying selfishly, that he didn’t come across anyone else. The curl of unease flared in his stomach, and he felt the need to return to Ren pull at him.

It took him less than five minutes to get two coffees and get back to his cabin.

Ren was still curled up in the nest, the pillow was still in between his teeth, and Doc smiled at his ridiculous friend.

He was determined that Ren wouldn’t suffer any more than he already had, even if it meant he never left the hybrid’s side again.

Ren would be okay.

Chapter Text

Impulse swallowed nervously, as he and Tango; led Zedaph towards Doc’s cabin. They had shaken the man awake not long after Doc had left, and corralled him back to his own quarters to get freshened up before they went to see Ren; and after a coffee and a bite to eat from the mess hall, they were stood in front of the creeper hybrid’s door; Zedaph bouncing on his toes in nervousness.

The truth was, that he wasn’t quite sure what they were going to find. Tango had said that, although Ren was okay; something had happened the day before that had scared Doc enough; that the creeper looked emotionally done in.

Tango hadn’t shared details, but he’d also looked as worried as Impulse felt.

“Aren’t you going to knock?” The Nether-born asked softly, and the smaller man turned to look at him with wide eyes.

“What if they don’t want us here?”

“Doc said that it was fine Zed.” Impulse answered gently.

“Okay.” He shared a look at Tango when their friend still made no move to knock, and he sighed and lent over Zed’s shoulder; doing it himself. Zed squeaked at that, but didn’t stop bouncing on his feet, and Impulse put a steadying hand on his shoulder; rubbing his thumb across tense muscles.

“Easy buddy.” He soothed. “We’ve got you.”

It felt like an age before Doc answered the door; giving them all a small smile, as he stepped to one side; silently inviting them in.

Zedaph hardly waited before rushing past the large creeper hybrid and looked wildly around the cabin for Ren; who appeared to be missing.

“he’s in the shower.” Doc answered when the smaller blonde spun around to look at him in panic. “He was slow to wake up.”

“Do you want us to come back in a few?” Impulse asked softly.

“It’s fine, I told him you were coming and he took a change of clothes in there with him. He won’t be long. Come and sit down.” They followed the man as he led them to his small living area; a simple three piece, surrounding two large bookshelves, and a low coffee table occupying the middle of the space. Impulse shared a look with Tango as their friend took one of the armchairs; curling into it and shoving his thumbnail into his mouth; biting at the already abused appendage.

The blonde’s nails were all bitten down to the quick after the events of the last week, and Impulse gently reached out to pull his hand away from his face before he started bleeding again.

“Here buddy.” He whispered; handing him a small fidget cube, which Zed instantly started playing with.

“Tango mentioned that you’ve been having trouble sleeping.” Doc said gently; addressing Zed as he followed them into the lounge. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Just worried.” The small blonde replied; his purple eyes darting wildly around the space, refusing to make eye contact with any of them. Impulse sighed in tandem with Tango, and they both took a seat on the sofa as Doc settled himself next to the remaining, empty armchair.

“About what?” Doc pushed. “About Ren?” Zedaph hummed noncommittedly, and continued to fidget with his cube. “What else?”

“Just other stuff. The ship, space, you know; normal things.”

“You’re worried that something might happen?”

“You’re not?” The blonde fired back; finally looking at Doc.

“Not really.” The large creeper hybrid replied with a shrug. “We have safety systems in place to deal with anything that might happen out here, and the ship has carried us this far with little incident. There is nothing to suggest that it won’t continue to do so. I’ll admit though that what happened during the Hermatrix was scary; it’s not hard to be fearful that something might happen.”

“I just… I have this awful feeling that something bad is coming, you know?” Zed admitted. “I can feel it in my stomach… all the time, and I dream… things…”

“I get it.” Doc replied softly. “I’m scared too.” They all turned to the larger man with wide eyes; surprised that he would admit something like that so freely. “Ren and I… we tried to stop the moon, we got things whispered to us… we’d been dealing with those scrambly books all season, and suddenly there was this voice in our heads telling us to kill people for their heads… it was rough towards the end there, and we didn’t know if we’d succeeded in time… though we didn’t really know what we were supposed to be succeeding in.”

“I watched…” Zed whispered softly. “I saw the moon coming, and instead of helping, I just… I tried to ignore it… I knew that something was going to happen; knew that we’d either die, or jump worlds, and so instead of doing something about it, I just counted up my lab results, and tried to forget about the fact that one of my best friends was on said moon, and the other had jumped into the void…”

Impulse felt himself go cold at that… he and Tango… they’d left Zed on his own… despite the fact that they’d known that he was still struggling. They’d made a void-awful mistake that had more than likely compounded their friend’s fear.

“Zed…” Tango whispered; his eyes filled with the same crushing guilt that Impulse was feeling.

“It’s fine.” The other blonde replied; shaking his head. “You were trying to save us, I get it… I just… I was alone… at the end…”

Impulse looked away at that… Tango had that excuse; he however… he’d jumped into the void with the rest of Boatem, without much more than a second thought for either of his other friends. He’d abandoned the pair of them.

“Hello my dudes!” His thoughts and spiralling guilt were interrupted by Ren; who bounded into the living area; his tail wagging and his ears pricked up in excitement.

The hybrid looked healthier than he had done in months.

Impulse watched with a rather unnerving degree of dissociation as Ren bounded around the room; hugging them all in greeting, his grin large and easy, despite the story that Tango had relayed to him, about the state the wolf hybrid had been in the day before.

He couldn’t focus on that right now…

He’d left Zedaph.

He’d abandoned his best friends…

“You all good now dude?” He heard Tango ask, and his eyes flickered to Ren’s face as the other man answered in the positive.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted out, not being able to stand the clenching in his stomach, any longer.

All eyes were now on him, and he felt guilt twist once again… they were supposed to be here for Zedaph.

Perhaps, if his mind had been clearer, he would have realised that a pattern was starting to emerge, in regards to his mental health, but it wasn’t, and he didn’t, all he knew was that he was once again making it all about himself, and his own guilt.

“Impy…” Tango started; hesitantly and he shook his head furiously and stood up; starting to pace the room; not unlike Zedaph had been doing the day before.

“No…” He growled; his eyes flashing amber. “I left Tango… Zed is right; I jumped into the Notch-damned void without a second thought… I left him… I left you both, you at least have the excuse that you were trying to save us… where’s my excuse? That’s right, I don’t have one. I abandoned my best friends selfishly and without warning, and you died.”

“So did you…” Doc replied stonily; cutting off his rant. “We all died Impulse. Whether you had stayed with Zedaph, or gone with Tango, or hid in a bunker; it wouldn’t have mattered. We all died.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered?” He growled lowly; realising that he was the same height as Doc; whilst the creeper was sat down, and trying hard not to square up to the other man. “Of course, it would have fucking mattered. We should have been together, all of us, the entire server… none of this ‘every Hermit for himself bullshit’, I should have been there.” He knew by Doc’s wince that he’d hit a nerve by parroting the creeper’s words back to him, and Tango and Zedaph were both looking at him with wide eyes; more than likely at his uncharacteristic use of hard language.

But, he was angry...

Scratch that… he was furious.

Furious with himself for leaving and for making the entire conversation about himself again… furious at Tango for having a valid excuse for why he had left them… furious with Doc for… he wasn’t sure, but he was furious all the same.

“Impulse my brother…” Ren’s voice was soft, and worried, and he realised that the hybrid could probably smell their collective emotions. Between his anger and guilt, Zedaph’s panic and paranoia, and Tango’s frustration and exhaustion; it was a wonder the wolf hybrid hadn’t said something the moment he’d entered the room. “Dude… you can’t believe that any of this was your fault…”

“I jumped into the void without a second thought for anyone but myself.” He repeated; self-loathing flushing through him. “Tell me that was the right thing to do… the best thing to do…”

“It was the best thing to do.” Zedaph whispered; plunging the room into silence, and stopping his anger short. “What I saw… I wouldn’t wish my nightmares on any of you… jumping into the void was the best thing; for you Impulse. Just like Tango going to the moon was the best thing for him, and ignoring the situation until it was literally on top of me was the best thing for me. The choices we made in those last few hours… the thoughts that we had… it doesn’t matter… we wouldn’t have avoided trauma either way, and I’m glad that neither of you were there to experience what I saw. I’m glad you don’t have to deal with what I’m dealing with now.”

“But I left you.” He repeated quietly; the fight having left his body, and his shoulders sagging in the exhaustion that had washed over him.

Zedaph’s arms suddenly closed around him and he allowed himself a small sob as he lent his head on the smaller man’s shoulder. The blonde held him though; rubbing his back and offering small shushes as he wrestled with his emotions; trying desperately to get them back under control.

“I’m glad you did.” Zed finally whispered. “Even if we’d been together at the end, and I knew that you had been given a way out, I would have pushed you to take it Impy. I would have shoved you into the Boatem Hole myself, even if it meant that I still got left behind. I ignored the issue, and I paid the price for my disregard of what was a serious situation. I could have made plans, I could have run… but I didn’t, and that is my fault… deep down, do I wish that we’d all have been together? Yes, I won’t lie about that, but at the same time, it just wasn’t feasible when we had the threat of an apocalypse literally hanging over us.”

He couldn’t find the words to respond to that… he was barely managing to keep his eyes open, and he felt his knees buckle, sending both him and Zedaph to the floor, and the last thing he comprehended before he blacked out was Tango’s frantic voice, and Doc’s cursing…

He was so tired…

Chapter Text

Skizz had known something had happened, before the first rumours and reports had started to filter out into the universe.

He’d seen it coming weeks ago, and yet had been powerless to prevent it; sworn to secrecy by Renbob and Goatman, as he’d been plugged into the simulation upon the Hermitheus. They had explained it to him in a roundabout way, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he only understood about half of what they’d told him, but the one thing they had stressed more than anything, was that none of the Hermits had known that HCS8 was in fact, a simulation, and none of them, under any circumstances, could be allowed to find out. There was something about their brains being fried by the existential crisis that would have undoubtedly followed, and that was enough for Skizz to keep his mouth shut on the subject.

He'd known as soon as he’d come out of the simulation, and returned to the reality of the ship, that something was beginning to go wrong… Renbob had looked a little too serious for everything to be going according to plan, and the hippie had been muttering about a Moontrix Octo… or something along those lines... and how their plans would have to be brought forwards…

It hadn’t inspired much confidence in him that everything was going to turn out okay, though he couldn’t help but feel for the pair; who had seen the Hermits through so many voyages between worlds now, and whose job was vital to his friend’s survival.

The fact that they had reached out to him in the first place, had been both a huge exercise in trust on their part, and extremely concerning for him.

His Dippledop had been struggling…

Scratch that, all of them had been struggling.

He’d seen the loneliness in Zed’s eyes, the stress and the guilt in the way Tango was holding his shoulders; all taught and sharp edges, and Impulse… his best friend in the entire universe, his brother, his Dippledop…

Something had been broken in Impulse for far longer than any of them could comprehend…

Something, which had lived inside of him, eating away at his insides, and now brought to the fore by the events of both the war games they had played, and the stress of the new season.

Multiple beeps and buzzes from his comms set had him jumping nearly half a foot into the air, as missed messages, whispers and calls finally reached him, after being stuck in the space between the Hermitheus and him for… well… void knew how long.

He swore to himself as he saw the flood of notifications, and he felt worry grow in his chest at the sheer number of them.

“Stupid crappy signal.” He muttered as he began to scroll through the deluge; counting almost 60 messages from Tango alone, as well as a few from Zedaph, and surprisingly a handful from Xisumavoid.

TangoTek: Where in the damned void are you, jerk?

TangoTek: Come on asshole, answer me! He needs you right now!

TangoTek: Come on Skizz, pick up your damned comms set! This is a code Black!

TangoTek: Skizz you absolute bastard… answer your comms!

TangoTek: Why won’t you pick up?

Xisumavoid: Skizzleman, I hope you are well, and that this message finds you in good health. I’m afraid there has been a bit of an incident, and I was wondering if you could spare some time away from your busy solo world, to possibly visit us upon the Hermitheus. Just DM me and I will organise a direct portal for you. Best wishes, Xisuma.

Zedaph: Skizz, I know that you are probably busy, but could you give us a message when you get the chance? Impulse is hurting…

TangoTek: Please just answer me, we need you… he needs you!

Zedaph: Impulse isn’t doing so hot Skizz… he could really use you right now. Please just let us know that you are okay at least, and let us know if you can join us.

Xisumavoid: I know that you are probably busy, and I am sorry for bothering you again, but I wanted to ask if you had received my last message. Tango, Zed and Impulse are worried about you, and it would settle a lot of minds if you could just let them know that you are okay.

TangoTek: Come on you asshole. Stop ignoring us.

TangoTek: Fuck you Skizz. Fuck. You.

“Oh shit.”

His body was flushed with adrenaline, as he watched the messages continue to flood in to his comms set. More from Xisuma, inquiring over his health and asking if he needed any help, more from Tango, cursing his name whilst giving no context as to what had happened to Impulse…

They needed him…

Impulse needed him.

Within a few seconds he was in his base; shoving things into his backpack… clothes, pyjamas, weighted blankets, stim and fidget toys…

His family was hurting, and he would do everything in his power to help.

“X speaking.” When the Hermitcraft admin finally answered his comms set, the man sounded tired… worn…

“X, it’s Skizz.”

“Skizzleman? Everyone has been so worried about you! Where are you? Are you okay?”

“X I’m fine, but my comms set is a piece of crap, and I’ve only just received all the messages from the last couple of weeks. What the hell is going on? Is Impulse okay?”

There was a heavy sigh from the Hermitcraft admin, followed by a silence that he couldn’t allow to go unbroken for long.

“X… please… just tell me he’s alright.”

“I’m opening a portal for you… how quickly can you get to your world’s spawn?” That dumped a shed load of adrenaline into his system, and he grabbed his jacket and bag from the bed, and practically flew down the stairs.

“I’m on my way there now as we speak.” He replied, shouldering his way out of his base; hefting his bag on his back and whistling for Kevin Bubbles Malone Refrigerator Jimmy Madeye Dugan on his way down the hill. “Can Kevin come with me? He… he might be able to help.”

“Skizz, if you can get to your spawn in the next two minutes, you can bring an entire pack with you… just get here.”

“X… you’re kinda scaring me dude… Tell me what’s going on.” He was very much out of breath, but he could see his spawn, and he pushed the last couple of chunks; Kevin panting heavily at the side of him, but keeping pace anyway.

He swore as his comms set went staticky and gave out; a beeping telling him that he’d lost connection to Xisuma.

He doubled over the moment his coordinates read 0,0, and he couldn’t help but let out a sob; the sheer panic and adrenaline coursing through him, making the stitch in his side throb with every breath he took. He fell to his knees and pressed his forehead into his palms; trying to get his breathing under control; despite the fact that worry was sitting like a stone in his throat.

Kevin was whining by his side; nuzzling him, and he reached out a hand to pet his wolf’s ear.

“We were too late buddy.” He sobbed out. “Too late.”

“Skizz?”

His head shot up and his eyes drank in the sight of Xisumavoid, in all his glory; the green and purple of his armour restored, and the vague aura of the end; rippling around him. He shot to his feet and lunged forwards to grab X’s shoulders; studying the man’s too pale features, and the dark bags under his eyes.

“What happened… is he still alive?” X’s eyes widened and the exhausted admin was quick to reassure.

“He’s in the hospital wing, alive and physically well, but exhausted and… I better get you up there... Is the dog coming too?”

“Where I go, Kevin goes.”

“Very well.” The man took a hold of his wrist, before bending down to grab hold of Kevin’s collar; seemingly ignoring the responding growl from his faithful wolf…

There was too much for him to really process in that moment, from how exhausted Xisuma looked, to the vague update about his Dippledop… his panic was still very much present in his chest, and growing rapidly in the face of knowing that he was about to come face to face with Tango’s ire…

The swirling around him as they teleported, made nausea bubble in his chest, and by the time his feet were firmly on the deck of the Hermitheus’s portal room; he was hurrying for a corner in which to throw up.

There was a soft exclamation from somewhere to his right, and he was quickly handed a cloth and a regen potion, and led away from the corner.

“What in the name of the void did you do to him X?” He looked down at the person who had taken his hand, only to find Gem; frowning at her admin before she turned her attention to him, humming soothingly, even though the scowl didn’t leave her face. “You realise how much you have worried them, don’t you?” She scolded. “Zedaph has been worried sick, and if Tango manages to avoid lighting you on fire, I’ll be impressed at his self-control. Where have you been Skizz?”

“I…” He didn’t really have a reply for her, that didn’t sound like an excuse so he clicked his jaw shut and let the guilt wash over him. “I’m sorry.”

“Not me you should be apologising to.” She replied, though her voice softened. “Come on, and sit down a second… Do you think you’re going to be sick again?”

He shook his head, and swallowed heavily; the taste of regen still cloying at the back of his throat. He just wanted Impulse.

Gem sat him down on a chair, and took the cloth from him; resting her hand on his forehead for a second, before pulling it away with a frown.

“You’re running a fever.” She noted. “How long have you been sick?”

“I’m not… I ran all the way to spawn… I’m fine.”

 “Gem, they’re waiting for him.” Xisuma muttered, his arms folded and a sour look across his features.

“He’s not going anywhere until I have cleared him Xisumavoid.” The tiny female bit back. “You might ignore my advice over your health, but I’m not about to let Skizz do the same. Now if you aren’t going to let me work, I suggest you go and find Keralis. He’s the only one who seems to get close to getting through to you.”

Skizz watched the byplay between them with a frown and a heavy chest… something wasn’t right… what in the hell had happened?

Xisuma grunted and wandered off, and Gem turned her attention back to him, shooting him a thin smile.

“We’re all just a little high-strung right now. I’m sure you’re going to get the full story from Tango and Zed, but we really need to get you to Impulse.”

“He is alive… right?” He found himself whispering, in a small voice. He felt his throat close up, and bit down his tears as Gem sighed and moved to sit next to him; the tiny female wrapping her arms around his middle and once again, starting to hum softly to him.

Over what felt like an hour, but was probably closer to a few minutes; he felt himself start to clam down, his breathing evening out, and the tears he’d been fighting, finally making their way down his cheeks.

It was cathartic, in a way that would never make sense to anyone else, but the tiny faun had a magic to her that had a way of calming, even the tensest of situations.

“I’m fine now.” He whispered, once he had himself back under control, and he looked down to where his hand had buried itself automatically into Kevin’s fur; his dog’s chin, resting on his knee; looking up at him with doleful eyes. “Sorry.”

“Let’s get you to Impulse.” Gem said softly, and she took his hand and led him through the ship, winding down a confusing maze of passageways. “I will warn you.” The fawn said; coming to a stop in front of a large set of double doors. “I wasn’t joking about Tango back there… you’ve really worried him at a time when he has already had enough on his plate with Impulse and Zed… he’s not pleased with you, and you should be careful what you say.”

“I understand.” He answered; bowing his head to her. “I really am sorry.”

“I can see that. Just… be careful with them… they’ve been through a bit of a time.” He nodded stiffly and pushed open the doors to the medical wing; his eyes instantly zeroing in on the only occupied bed in the wing.

He could feel his hands start to shake as he approached the bed; half expecting to find his Dippledop… his brother; dead or dying…

Instead, what he found, was Impulse; pale and evidently exhausted; curled up beneath the blankets; a frown pulling at his eyebrows, and his hands tucked under his cheek. The dark shadows under his eyes, told Skizz exactly how little sleep the smaller man had been getting, and he let out a sigh as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He had dumped his bag by the door, and regretted that decision when he started to pick at his nails in anxiety.

Impulse looked a mess, and he knew that whatever had happened, it was going to be down to him to help pick up the pieces… again.

“T’ngo?” Was the slurred question, as Impulse stirred slightly, and Skizz could feel a smile tug at the corner of his mouth as he reached out to brush his hand over his best friend’s hair.

“Not quite Dippledop. I got you though buddy.”

Chapter Text

By the time Tango had managed to get both himself and Zedaph changed, washed and fed, it had been two hours since they’d left Impulse in the hospital wing; still sleeping fitfully in bed.

The three days, after the events in Doc’s cabin, had been tense, anxious and full of tears, as Zed had broken down in his arms, more than once; crying for both himself, and their friend. Impulse had been mainly out of it for those few days, and Tango had found himself going through the motions of trying to be there for both of his friends, whilst balancing his own feelings on the entire situation.  

The problem was, that he could feel anger bubbling in his chest; unyielding, despite his best efforts to swallow it down.

There was anger at Xisuma, for having left them all for so long, anger at himself for not noticing sooner that something was wrong… again, anger at Skizz, who had not once, replied to any of the dozens of messages he’d frantically sent, and anger at Impulse, for not admitting that once again, he’d been spiralling.

They had discussed at length the dangers of not communicating with each other, void, they had seen what happened when communication broke down between them during the simulation, and yet; Impulse had still been bottling everything up, when he’d promised them that he wouldn’t.

The infuriating part, was that Tango could see why.

Deep down, he knew that he was starting to do just the same, to try to be strong for both Impulse and Zed, because they needed him. There had been a huge change in their power dynamic over the last couple of months, and Tango found himself now taking on the role that their friend had held so diligently and so unwaveringly for so long.

He had started to wonder how in the hell Impy had managed it… until the cold shock of reality dowsed him in the realisation that Impulse hadn’t managed… not really… He’d just sacrificed more and more of himself for so many people, and for so long, that his best friend believed that his entire reason for existence was for others.

“Will he be okay?” Zedaph whispered, as they made their way back through the ship; towards medical.

“He’ll be fine Z.” He replied back; though not exactly sure how much he believed it himself.

Zed was clutching his arm with both hands, and was practically welded to his side, but he had no intentions of trying to move the smaller man; knowing that if nothing else; it was bringing him some small measure of comfort.

“I’m sorry for freaking out.” Came the small, heart-breaking apology, and he stopped them both dead in the middle of the ship; to wrap his arms around him and squeeze him tight into his chest; trying to ignore the fact that they had both started to cry.

“You have nothing to apologise for.” He whispered back. “We’ve already told you this. I would much rather you be freaking out and telling us that you’re freaking out, than bottling it all up like Impy is doing.”

“But you’re now stuck taking care of both of us…”

“Hey…” He chided; pulling back from the hug with a frown, and wiping the wet streaks away from Zed’s cheeks. “I’m not stuck doing anything. I love you both to the void and back, and if being here for the pair of you, whilst we all crash and burn, is what it takes to prove that, then I would face a thousand moon-falls, a thousand simulations and a thousand apocalypses, just to show you how much I love you. Don’t ever apologise for needing me Zed because there is nowhere, I’d rather be.” He folded the smaller man back into his arms as Zedaph broke down, and he buried his face, deep into the man’s shoulder; hushing him and whispering reassurances as he tried to choke down his own tears.

Almost ten minutes passed before they separated, and Tango winced at the soot, his crying had left on Zed’s cardigan.

“Don’t.” Zed whispered; taking his turn to admonish when he saw what he was looking at. “It’ll wash.” Tango nodded and allowed his friend to wipe away the leftover dark streaks on his cheeks with his sleeve. “Let’s go and see Impy, yeah?” He nodded again and finally pushed open the double doors, only to be greeted with a sight that both made his heart race, and his anger ignite.

A very subdued Impulse was finally sat up in bed, chatting away to Skizz as though he hadn’t just spent three days sobbing his way in and out of a state of exhausted unconsciousness, in the damn hospital wing, and though that pissed him off enough for smoke to start rising from his hair; it was the larger of the pair that saw his eyes narrow, and his vision turn red.

“You.” He hissed, vaguely aware that Zed had stepped back as he felt his hair and his fingers finally ignite in his anger, and he clenched his fists; feeling his sharp claws start to dig into his palm. “You bastard, where the fuck have you been?” He advanced on the bed, feeling satisfaction in his gut as Skizz scrambled away from it to press himself into the back wall, and he growled and lunged at the larger man; barely acknowledging the yelps from Impulse and Zed, as he landed Skizz on the floor; his fire hissing and spitting as his protective, and possessive nature took over. “We needed you… He needed you… and what the fuck have you been doing? Ignoring everything beyond your little, perfect solo world. You don’t just get to fucking show up here.”

The screamed apologies from the man underneath him; never made it to his ears as he pulled his fist back, ready to break Skizz’s nose, and the fact that he was still burning didn’t even register…

That was… until Zed grabbed hold of his hand; crying out when his skin instantly started to blister from the heat of his flames; and the shock of his cry of pain, instantly snapped Tango out of his anger.

He turned away from Skizz; forcibly dowsing his flames and watching in horror as a crying blonde tucked his injured hand against his chest.

He had hurt Zed…

He had hurt one of his best friends…

“Z…” He climbed off of Skizz to reach out for the smaller man, only to feel ice pierce through him when Zed flinched away.

Zedaph had never been scared of him… not like anyone else…

Zedaph had been the first to reach out the hand of friendship… the first to have voluntarily hugged him… the first to look past his dangers and to see him… the same person who was now shedding tears because Tango was dangerous, and had hurt him.

“Z I’m sorry.” He choked out, once again stepping towards him; only to have his path blocked by Impulse.

“Get away from him.” Impulse’s voice was practically a growl, and Tango felt the little colour he had; drain from his cheeks at the pure look of disgust his best friend was giving him. “You’ve done enough.” Skizz had instantly gotten to his feet to fret over Zedaph’s hand; bringing the smallest of them over to a hand wash basin to try and cool his skin, and Tango knew that his presence was no longer welcome.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered thickly; feeling his energy and anger finally dissipate, and at Impulse’s responding grunt, he turned and left the hospital wing; choking back tears, as he fled the entire way back to his cabin.

Burying himself under the covers; he realised that this was the first time he’d slept in his own bed since before going into the simulation, and he couldn’t help but fear that it was going to be the last…

He’d hurt a fellow Hermit…

He’d hurt Zed…

Xisuma was going to throw him off the ship… that was; if he didn’t kill him first.

The following hour passed in a haze of drowsiness and anxiety; his exhaustion being negated by the fear that his admin was going to drag him out of bed at any moment, to answer for what he’d done, and he buried himself further into his sheets; hiding from the universe in the hopes that it might forget about him.

The fleeting thought that everyone would have been better off if he had died on the moon, was soon followed by an internal argument, one which he realised; he was losing. The selfish thought that at least he would have died a hero made his stomach roll, and he barely made it to the toilet as his body expelled the little, he’d struggled down at lunch; more for Zed’s sake, than his own. It was a thought that stuck with him though, and as he laid sobbing on his bathroom floor, he realised that not only would it have been a hero’s death; he would have died still loved by his friends.

“Oh Tango.” The soft voice barely registered until he was scooped into someone’s arms, and carried like a child, back to his bed.

“I’m sorry.” He sobbed, at whoever had wrapped him in his blankets; and was now hugging him close to their chest. “Please go away.”

“I’m not going anywhere my dude. Not until I know you’re okay.”

Ren…

Sweet, lovable, forgiving Ren.

He couldn’t seem to stop the inevitable breakdown, that hit him like a minecart, and he cried until his mind surrendered itself, blissfully, to the void.

Chapter Text

Ren had no way of measuring how long he sat; rocking an inconsolable Tango in his arms, trying to offer some semblance of comfort to the nether-born as he clung to him like a pup, crying hoarsely and heartbrokenly into his shoulder as he choked out apologies between gasps of air.

Ren had no way of measuring; but it felt like hours before the blonde had finally cried himself into a fitful, nightmare-filled sleep; whimpering every time the images in his head tormented him.

Ren had no way of measuring, but he knew that he would sit there for days, if it meant that he could at least be a grounding force for Tango to cling to.

The sight that had greeted him when he’d first entered his friend’s cabin, was one that he knew would stay with him forever. The man had been on his knees; still gripping the toilet bowl with one hand, whilst he practically screamed into the other; snippets of a not-so-internal argument; slipping out between his fingers, betraying thoughts that Ren knew, would have to be discussed with Xisuma.

For any of them to be wishing that they had died during the sim…

He felt his own throat close up at the mere implication of it…

He’d scooped Tango into his arms and carried the smaller man over to the bed; burying the pair of them into the corner, and creating a make-shift nest by tucking pillows and blankets around them before cradling the man in his arms, as he’d done his best to soothe and ground him through his breakdown, and had breathed a sigh of short-lived relief when he’d eventually passed out.

So that was where he was currently at…

How long had it been?

He cursed to himself when he eventually remembered his comms set, and he carefully dug it out of his shirt pocket; trying to disturb the nether-born in his arms, as little as possible.

“Sorry my dude.” He hissed; when Tango’s head lolled back; followed up with a whimper from the smaller man, and he gently pulled him back into his shoulder; stroking his hands through his blond curls as he did so. “I got you, go back to sleep.” There was a soft whine before deep breathing, so he took that as a sign that he had successfully avoided waking him up.

The low growl he emitted when he saw the time on his comms set, almost saw his hard work undone…

It had been three hours since he’d stepped foot in the hospital wing with Doc; only to find the rest of Team ZITS deep in an argument…

Three hours; nursing Tango through one of the most painful breakdowns he’d ever witnessed…

Three hours, and no one else had bothered to check on him?

Three hours, and not a word from any other member of the so-called Team ZITS?

Three hours in which, if he hadn’t shown up, Tango would have been left to do void knew what damage to himself…

He couldn’t help it… he texted Skizz.

RentheDog: Where the hell are you all?

Skizz: Hospital wing still… Impulse isn’t doing so hot.

RentheDog: Screw Impulse right now, Tango needs you. Get your asses here. Now. All of you.

He didn’t even bother to look at Skizz’s reply, as he threw his comms set down onto the duvet and tried to swallow down the growls he could feel, bubbling in his chest. His anger had well and truly spiked, and he knew that he needed to control himself before he set Tango off, or worse scared him.

In truth, he was disappointed beyond measure at the other three quarters of the so-called friendship group. All of them had rallied around Impulse, and that had been great… until it wasn’t…

Until Tango had been left holding Zedaph up, as well as himself; trying to stay strong in the face of Skizz’s radio silence, and Impulse’s stay in the hospital wing.

It had been clear from his conversation in said hospital wing, that hurting Zedaph had been completely accidental on Tango’s part; the other man having made a grab for him, completely disregarding the fact that he’d been on fire.

He’d known from their sorry tale; just how Tango would have been feeling in that moment, having been through the same thoughts and conversations with Doc not so long ago… the fact that none of the others had picked up on it, and had actually thrown him out of the hospital and felt justified in doing so…

Disappointment might have been and understatement of how he was feeling…

“Ren?”

“I’m here dude.” He whispered; cursing Tango’s timing for waking up as he gently brought their foreheads together and started to rake his claws through the blonde’s curls. “It’s okay brother, I got you.”

“I hurt Zed…”

“First off… it was an accident, and second; he was the one who made a grab for you. You have done nothing wrong Tango. It’s okay. Doc fixed him right up and I promise you that we’re all safe.”

“I was going to hurt Skizz… I hurt Z…”

“Again, you were about to do nothing to Skizz that right now; he doesn’t deserve, and you didn’t hurt Zed. Zed hurt himself.”

“But…”

“Would you stick your hand into a bucket of snow, knowing that it would burn you?”

“No…”

“Would you put your arm in the way of a piston; knowing that it would get crushed?”

“No but…”

“Would you purposefully stand next to a pile of TNT, knowing that you would get blown up?” There was silence at his third question, and he felt his heart clench as he pulled back and looked deep into Tango’s broken expression. He wasn’t sure what he expected to find, but the absolute lack of fear; scared him. “Tango…”

“I’d deserve that.” Was the almost inaudible admission from the nether-born, and Ren couldn’t help but allow his own throat to close up and tears to start to escape.

“No, you wouldn’t my brother.” He whispered. “No one deserves that.”

“I failed… I deserved it… I couldn’t even save you all right…”

“Listen to me.” Ren ordered softly. “It wouldn’t have mattered. It wouldn’t. The simulation, the moon getting bigger… it was all pre-programed to do that… it wouldn’t have worked my dude… it just wasn’t designed that way.”

“Then it was for nothing… just like everything else I do… nothing works… I fail… it is in my nature…”

“Oh, you sweet, self-sacrificing, idiot of a man.” Ren breathed; pulling the nether-born back into his shoulder and snuggling him tighter; feeling Tango start to sob once more. He hushed him gently and stroked his hair, pulled the covers around them and tried to create a cocoon of warmth and security for the man as he broke back down.

He vowed that he would hold the nether-born together, whatever it took…

Whatever it took.

Chapter Text

Doc could admit to himself that he was now just finding any excuse he could, to stay in the medical wing, in an attempt to be there when the subsequent fallout from that afternoon’s drama finally hit the three men; all huddled together on Impulse’s bed.

He and Ren had walked into an impressive argument between Skizz and Zedaph, and whilst Ren had focussed on getting the story out of the two men; he’d been more concerned with the fact that they had completely disregarded Impulse; who had been sat on his bed, watching them bicker with an unnervingly empty stare.

He’d approached the bed, to try and help, only to have his path blocked by Skizz; whose responding growl was scarily reminiscent of Ren’s, when his hybrid was particularly upset, so he’d tactfully retreated to the storeroom; deciding to do a spot check on their medical supplies; whilst keeping one eye on the trio.

It took almost an hour for Skizz or Zed to manage to get Impulse to talk, and Doc hadn’t heard what was actually said between them, but at some point, the man had ended up being sandwiched between his two friends, as they all fell into a light doze; Tango, and their anger at him, seemingly forgotten.

Doc was smart enough to know that whatever Tango was feeling right now, it wasn’t going to be pretty, but Ren had successfully been there for him, and pulled him out of his funk during the last season, and he trusted his hybrid to be able to do the same for the nether-born. All that was left for him to do was to try to limit the damage on the other side of the situation.

He was drawn out of his numbers when he heard Skizz’s comms set ping, and he looked up to see the man scowling darkly at whatever message he’d received. There was another, and Skizz practically growled at the instrument before harshly typing something back and throwing it onto the bed.

“Everything okay?” He asked softly; keeping his hands visible and trying to look as non-threatening as possible.

“No. Tell Ren that until I know Impulse is okay, Tango can wait.”

“You aren’t worried about him?”

“He hurt Zed.”

“Exactly.” He replied; approaching the bed slightly and sitting down once more when he was at a close enough distance for them to be able to talk without risk of waking either of the other two men. “Right now, he must be feeling pretty guilty… I mean… it was a long time last season before Ren managed to convince me that I wasn’t a monster… aren’t you worried that he might be feeling the same after an accident like that?”

“He attacked me, or are you forgetting that?” Doc sighed; knowing that he wasn’t going to get much more sense out of the three of them, until tempers had cooled.

“Fine. But at least understand that whatever happens next is down to the three of you. You can forgive and move on, and hopefully heal some of the damage you have caused, or you can remain as stubborn as he is, and destroy a friendship that the four of you have been working on for years. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have other things to be doing.”

He tried his best not to storm out of the medical wing, but he knew that his posture had to be giving some of his anger away, and he grumbled to himself all the way back to the accommodation, biting down the hisses his anger wanted him to release.

“Hi Doc.” He blinked dumbly at the little redheaded figure who had stepped into his path, and tilted his head as he tried to work out if he had missed a meeting or something… “Where you off to?”

“Tango’s… Ren is there.”

“Mind if I tag along?” He shrugged and tried to parse through his thoughts when Gem promptly took his hand and practically dragged him in the direction of the cabins; chatting a mile a minute about how she’d had an idea for her base for the next season.

The little faun still remained, a complete mystery to him.

Gem knocked on the door; calling out a hello, only for her comms set to ping on her wrist, and she frowned at the message before pushing the door open and leading him in; her tiny hand still wrapped around two of his fingers.

The sight and the scent that greeted him saw his anxiety rise and he let out an involuntary hiss at the sheer devastation he could smell; blanketing the room.

Ren looked worn out, an expectant look on his features, that turned to anger when he obviously didn’t find the person he’d expected at the door. Tango was wrapped in blankets and cradled tightly against Ren’s chest; and Doc knew that his hybrid’s arms had to be aching something awful.

He forcibly switched into his medical mindset and approached the bed; gently lifting Tango and bundling him to his own chest; thanking the void that he had his arm on.

“How many spasms have you had?” He whispered; mindful of the fact that the blonde was fast asleep.

“Only a couple.” Was his hybrid’s answer, and he hissed again at that; feeling anger rise that Ren hadn’t thought to message him.

“You should have pinged me.” He shot back in an almost-growl that saw a sheepish expression overtake Ren’s face, and he sat himself down next to the bed; starting to rub Tango’s back, hearing Gem start to hum softly. “How is he?”

He smelt Ren’s scent change at that, and the sheer look of heartbreak on his mate’s features had his own heart starting to race.

“Ren…”

Ren shook his head and pressed his hand to his mouth; tears starting to form in his eyes, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he currently had Tango in his arms, there would have been no hesitation to wrap his hybrid into a hug.

“He said that he wished he’d died Doc…” His friend choked out, tears finally starting to fall. “How could anyone wish that? How could anyone think that they would deserve it?” He felt his chest clench; knowing from experience just how Tango’s thoughts had ended up leading him down such a path, and he leaned forwards as far as he could to press his forehead against Ren’s.

“We’re taking him to the nest.” He decided; as soon as he saw Gem’s eyes also beginning to mist over. “Gather as much of his bedding as you can and bring it with us… Gem, can you get X? I know Keralis has him at ransom, but we need him.” Gem nodded and trotted off; pausing only long enough for him to give her a sure nod; letting her know that they would be fine.

He watched as Ren bundled as many blankets as he could into his arms, and he stood up; letting his hybrid stack them all precariously onto his back before the man went back for pillows and cushions, four ZITS shaped plushies also getting plucked from the shelf above Tango’s bunk and added to the pile. As soon as everything was semi secured, with Ren holding onto the veritable mountain of bedding with one hand; they set off through the corridors back to his own cabin.

It was darker and cooler inside his own rooms, than it was in Tango’s, and so, after situating the blonde deep into the nest, they set about tucking the extra bedding around him; ensuring that he was kept warm, before Doc sat himself down right next to him, feeling the man snuggle his way into his side; seeking warmth, despite the mountain of blankets Ren had thrown over him.

“He is going to be okay… right?” Ren whispered; climbing into the nest and leaning against the moss.

“In time.” He replied softly. “But things like this take time, and love and lots of talking it out. You taught me that.”

“I wish I hadn’t have had to… I wish we didn’t have to go through this again Doc… how many more times must we all crash?” He had no reply to give to that, and both of them knew it. All he could do in that moment was open his arms, inviting the hybrid into a hug, and Ren fell into him willingly; wrapping his own arms around his middle and tucking his head under his chin; sniffling quietly as he once again started to cry.

“Do you know what one of the biggest lessons you taught me was?” He asked; rubbing his mate’s back in a bid to comfort him. Ren shook his head against his chest and he let out a huff of amusement at the fact that the man practically had his face buried into his fur. “Hope.” He whispered. “You taught me how to hope Ren, and now we must teach the same to Tango, and Impulse, and Zedaph, and the entire damn ship if we have to, and we will. You showed me the light at the end of what was a very dark tunnel for me… for that alone I can’t express my gratitude enough brother.” Ren let out a sob and Doc was quick to pull him downwards into the nest; curling around the two men and allowing his hybrid to sob; heartbrokenly into his front.

Ren might have given himself the job of holding the nether-born together… but it didn’t mean he had to do it alone.

Chapter Text

Keralis’s head shot up as a frantic knocking on Xisuma’s door, broke him out of his reading. Cursing whichever hermit was about to interrupt his Shishwhammy’s sleep; he threw his book down onto the coffee table and wrenched open the door, a rebuke already on his lips.

“Doc and Ren need X.” Gem panted, before he could say anything; evidently having run almost all the way to the cabin. “Tango…” The young woman broke off; choking down a sob, and Keralis could do nothing but wrap her into a tight hug, hushing her softly as she began to cry.

“It’s okay, whatever it is, we can fix it.” She shook her head frantically against his chest and he tightened the hug; pulling her into the cabin and closing the door with his foot. A rustling from the bed had him glance over to see his exhausted admin, climbing out of it; Xisuma evidently trying to pull himself together as he staggered over to them, still sleep addled and with half-lidded eyes. “Go back to sleep Shishwham. I have her.”

His friend blatantly ignored him as he literally lifted Gem out of his arms; cradling her to his shoulder and rubbing her back to try to calm down his youngest hermit.

Keralis loved how devoted his admin was to them all, how much Xisuma loved them… but sometimes, he wished that he would allow himself a break every now and again.

“Shishwhammy…” He rebuked softly, as he followed the pair over to the bed; Xisuma still rubbing the tiny female’s back and starting to make soothing noises as he sat down with her, practically on his lap. Keralis neatly tucked himself into the hug; wrapping his arms around them both and stroking his fingers through Xisuma’s long hair. “Whatever it is, we can fix it Gem.” He whispered. “But you have to try to calm down so that you can talk to us.”

“Tango… accident… hospital wing…” Gem managed to get out before her crying started to get heavier. She hiccupped another word, and he had to ask her to repeat it… hoping that he’d heard wrong the first time around. “Suicidal…”

He shared a frantic look with Xisuma before bolting off the bed and heading for the door, grabbing his admin’s emergency medical kit from by the door.

“Stay here with her Shishwhammy.” He ordered when he saw Xisuma trying to calm Gem down enough to follow him. “I look after Tango.” He bolted down the corridor towards the medical wing; knocking both Bdubs and Etho out of the way; shouting a ‘sorry!’ over his shoulder as he flew through them. “Where is he?” He screeched as he smashed through the double doors of the hospital; his eyes immediately tracking to the only occupied bed.

“Where’s who?” Was the responding question from a rather grumpy looking Skizzleman.

“Tango. Where is he?”

“Dunno, Ren and Doc probably still have him.” There would be time later when Keralis would question the nonchalant tone of Skizz’s answers, but that time wasn’t then… instead, he spun around and sprinted back the way he came; screaming a ‘get outs of the way!’ as he ploughed back through Bdubs and Etho; straight into the lunchtime crowd.

He growled in frustration as someone grabbed hold of his arm and spun him around to face them, and he was greeted by a seriously ticked off Cleo; Joe hovering by her side, questioningly.

“What happened Keralis?”

“Don’t have time for this.” He snarled; yanking his arm out of her grip. “Tango’s hurt.” He raced off, only now he was vaguely aware that he had hermits following him, and he wasted no time with knocking; pushing open Doc’s cabin door and looking around in wide-eyed panic.

“What in the void is going on K?” Ren hissed; jumping out of the nest and stalking over to slam the door on Cleo, Joe, Pearl and Xb; all of whom were hovering just outside the cabin; not being brave enough to step into Doc’s territory without permission. “Where’s the fire?”

“Gem said Tango was hurt…” He gasped; doubling over to get his breath back and holding up the medical pack he’d stolen from Xisuma. “Got Shishwham’s help stuff.”

“Dude, none of that is going to help…” Ren’s voice was questioning, but the hybrid took the bag off of him anyway, and placed it by the door; unaware that his words had set Keralis’s mind whirling.

“Is he…” He felt himself choke up and he looked up to see Ren watching him with a grave expression. “Is he dead?” The other man’s eyes went huge and he shook his head frantically; starting to talk a mile a minute, most of it, probably in a bid to soothe, but Keralis could hear none of it properly. Instead, the words just flowed past his ears as he held on to the fact that Tango was very much not yet dead.

He pushed past Ren, ignoring the rest of whatever the man was saying and approached the nest; looking over the edge and seeing Doc; curled around the man in question. Both of them fast asleep.

The nether-born looked wrecked though, and not in a good, fun-time way… there were dark circles under his eyes, and Keralis could easily see that he’d been crying… a lot, if the salt on his cheeks was anything to go by.

“He’s okay?” He whispered; trying not to wake either of the other two. Ren had gone quiet behind him and now approached him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“I wouldn’t say he’s exactly okay my dude… there’s a lot of stuff going on with him, but we can be there for him and help him… now why exactly did you come racing in here like there was a fire?”

“Gem said he had an accident and he was in the hospital… she said something about…”

“Him not wanting to live?” Ren finished when he couldn’t, a grim expression set in his features. “I think there has been some miscommunication… He had an argument with Skizz earlier in medical, and Zedaph tried to mediate, disregarding the fact that Tango was on fire, and got his hand burned. They threw him out after that and he started to spiral pretty bad… he said he wishes that he’d died on the moon… I found him in his bathroom after he’d thrown up… he was a bit of a mess.”

“So, he didn’t…?”

“No K… and we’re going to make sure it doesn’t come to that either. Where’s Gem now?”

“With Shishwhammy… she was upset.”

“Call X, we could do with him here… I think we need a bit of a cuddle pile right now my dude.” He felt himself go boneless as the adrenaline finally left him and was replaced with so much relief that it brought tears to his eyes. He was vaguely aware of a curse from Ren as the man caught him and called his name in alarm, but all he could do was cry at the fact that they hadn’t lost a Hermit.

“Keralis, you need to look at me.” He opened his eyes (when had they closed?), and found Doc in front of him; reaching out to hold his cheeks and looking at him calmly. “K I need you to breathe for me, you’re going to end up having a panic attack otherwise.” He realised that Doc was right and started to gulp in air like a drowning man, tasting moss, lichen and something so incredibly Doc-like on his tongue that he couldn’t help but relax. Doc was strong… Doc was safe.

“I’m sorries.”

“Nothing to apologise for my dude.” Ren said; squatting down at the side of him, and he realised that he was now sat on the floor; leaning against the nest. He panicked for a moment when he realised that he’d probably woken Tango and turned around to look; having his arm caught by Ren, and instead getting pulled into a firm hug. “Tango is fine.” The canine hybrid soothed. “Just take it easy K, you’ve had a scare.”

“I should call Shishwham.”

“I’ve already messaged him.” Doc replied; his organic fingers now against the pulse point on his neck, and his other hand in front of him; his watch pulled around on his wrist as the man counted his heart rate. “He’s on his way with Gem as we speak, via the medical wing I believe though… I think he’s going to have some strong words for the other three idiots in there.”

“Skizz seemed angry…” Keralis murmured; only then remembering the other man’s attitude when he’d gone in there looking for the nether-born.

“They’re all hard-headed fools.” Ren butted in with a ghost of a grin. “Sound familiar?” He hummed and closed his eyes and leant his head against the moss-covered side of Doc’s nest; finally feeling the last of the panic drain from him, and exhaustion take hold. “Come on my dude, up you get. You can wait for X in the nest with Tango.”

“Sharing the nest twice in one week… I’m a lucky boy.” He mumbled in a weak attempt at humour, and managed a huff of amusement from Doc, and a small barked laugh from Ren… he considered that an achievement given the events of the last twenty minutes.

He was hauled to his feet by Ren, and allowed the two men to help him over the edge of the nest and lead him to where Tango was still sleeping, completely unaware of the panic that he’d induced. He settled down next to the blonde and immediately pulled him into a hug; ignoring the high-pitched whine from the man as he shushed him and repositioned them both so that Tango’s head was on his chest as he felt Doc and Ren settle around him.

He wasn’t sure just how long he’d been out for when he awoke, but he was very much aware of the fact that Tango was still curled up, into him; a bit like a cat seeking warmth, and that he had a hand firmly buried inside the Nether-born’s hair. Tango’s head was still on his chest, now accompanied by an arm, and soft, purring snores were coming from the blonde as he slept… he sounded almost… content.

“He looks peaceful like this, doesn’t he?” He turned his head at the sound of his admin’s voice, and found Xisuma laying at the side of him; head propped up on a hand and his fingers also playing around Tango’s head; stroking behind one of his pointed ears before moving to massage his neck. “It’s been so easy over the years, to forget that many of you are not entirely human… to forget how fragile, fleeting and complicated your lives have been, and still are… and then something like this happens to tip me off balance and to give me wake up call, and to teach me a lesson in how to be a better caregiver…”

“We are not children Shishwhammy.” He whispered when his admin trailed off. “We can and should be perfectly capable of looking after ourselves. This is not on you… same as what happened with Ren and Doc… this is on all of us. I have been keeping you away from your Hermits in the hopes that I can get you to sleep and rest and to start looking after yourself, everyone else has more than likely seen that Impy, Tango and Zed have been struggling, but haven’t stepped in to help, for whatever reason. This is on everyone sweetface… I think I remember telling you the same thing just a few weeks ago with Ren and Doc. Please stop blaming yourself. The best thing you can be doing now, is helping those who need it, back into appointments with therapists… and I think we could all do with another big cuddle pile in one of the rec rooms.”

“Because the last one went so well.” There was a slight bitterness to his admin’s voice that caused his heart to ache for his friend. Hermit snuggles had always been fun and comforting, and helpful to solve whatever problem they had been called for in the first place… it was inevitable that the disaster that had been Ren and Doc’s barbeque, was bound to have left its mark.

“Hey...” He whispered; lifting his hand out of Tango’s hair and holding his arm out to the side of him. “Come here angel.” Xisuma was quick to obey; curling into his side with a sigh; Tango getting sandwiched between them as he rested his head against his admin’s helmet. “I know that it seems to have been one thing after another over the last few months, and I know you have had little time to have a break and process it all, but a cuddle pile could be an opportunity to help start to fix some of the smaller problems before we start to focus on the big ones, m’kay?” He felt Xisuma nod against him and wished; not for the first time, that there were more spaces on board, where his voidwalker could remove his helmet. “I miss your sweet face; do you know that? If we were in your rooms right now, I would be able to play with your pretty hair and give you a smooch on your pretty head.” He laughed as Xisuma groaned into his shoulder and he squeezed the man closer to him. “Go to sleep Shishwham, my pretty, clever girl. I got you.”

He felt himself drift off with the lengthening breaths of his sweet admin, and in his little world; with his friends, safe in his arms, he was in that moment; okay… not great… certainly not perfect, but the situation was manageable, and he would do whatever it took to help it get better.

Chapter Text

Skizz sighed as he leaned back against the moss-covered nest, and folded his arms, glaring slightly at the spot where Tango was being hidden from him by Xisuma, Keralis and Doc. The nest was, to be fair, a huge pile of bodies at that point; all of them in varying levels of sleep… apart from him.

The images from earlier that day wouldn’t stop playing through his mind… Tango’s rage and the way he’d not even bothered fighting back against his friend; having chugged a fire-resist; minutes before the Nether-born had stormed medical… Zed’s hand, and the flinch he’d given when Tango had gone to try to help… Impulse’s protectiveness, followed by another breakdown… it was all so much of a mess that he was struggling to parse through his thoughts anywhere near comprehensively.

And then there was Xisuma…

The Hermitcraft admin had practically stormed into the hospital wing in righteous fury; a red-eyed and shaking Gem trailing behind him, and Skizz had been on the verge of giving him the sharp end of his tongue, as the man had practically growled at the three of them to follow him.

The way Impulse had scrambled off the bed and instantly dragged Zed after Xisuma, had ignited his own anger; his friend having looked frightened of his wrathful admin… and that didn’t sit right in Skizz’s gut.

Hermitcraft was supposed to be a safe space for his friends, and whatever the voidwalker had done, to warrant that level of fear in Impulse…

“You’re thinking too loud.” He looked down to where his brother’s head was nested in his lap, and he uncrossed his arms; going back to running a hand through his hair.

“Sorry Dippledop… go back to sleep.”

“What’s wrong?” Impulse opened his eyes and Skizz saw a frown cross his features, at whatever he had seen in his own expression.

“Nothing… promise.”

“Stop lying to me dude.” The smaller man replied; sitting up to glare at him, and he felt the stirrings of guilt start in his stomach. “Something’s up, and don’t even think to tell me its not. I can see it.”

“Why were you scared of Xisuma earlier?” He blurted out unintentionally.

“I… wasn’t?”

“Yes, you were dude. Don’t even deny it because it was all over your face and you know that I can read you like a book. You literally jumped off of the bed so fast…”

“I wasn’t scared of Xisuma.” Impulse butted in; shaking his head and hushing him when he went to interrupt. “The few times I’ve seen him that angry, is when he’s been so scared for one of us that he has gone on a one-man mission to fix whatever is wrong… even at the expense of himself… and seeing him like that, knowing that I probably ended up triggering something for Tango earlier… I’m scared of what I might have done Skizz… I’m scared of why we’re here… I’m scared of why no one has told us anything… what did we do?”

“We did nothing…”

“Yes, we did.” Impulse butted in again. “I spiralled so badly that I’ve just spent the best part of four days in the hospital wing, Zed had already been spiralling before that, and Tango was doing his best to hold both of us up, whilst still dealing with everything from last season… and you, from what I understand, were not answering your comms set… I know that you get crappy signal, and I’m not blaming you for that… but Tango was going to be understandably upset and stressed, and really, I’m surprised that he lasted as long as he did before he snapped. I’m just sorry that it was you he snapped at, and that Zed got hurt, and that we’re all now here because I was an asshole. None of us are perfect Skizz, but we have been friends long enough that we should have known how to handle a situation like that, and chasing him out of the hospital, and being mad at him for losing control after so long… I’m scared of what damage we have done…”

“He’s suicidal…” Was the whisper from Gem, who had been sleeping against Doc’s back; Ren wrapped around her protectively, and Skizz felt the air get punched out of his chest.

The tiny female opened her eyes from where she was still in Ren’s arms, and looked up at them both; a scared and slightly ill expression on her pretty features.

“When Ren found him earlier… he had been saying that he wished he’d died in the sim… died on the moon… he thought that he deserved it… that is where his head is at… and I don’t know if I can fix it…”

“You don’t have to.” Was Ren’s mumble from her shoulder; and Skizz, in his half panicked and delirious state, wondered how many of them were actually asleep. “From what happened to you earlier, I won’t let you overwork yourself on this. We can handle it.” Gem looked unsure, but a sleepy nuzzle from the canine hybrid had her relaxing in his arms and pressing her head underneath his chin.

“I shouldn’t have freaked out like that.” She muttered; flushing pink, and Skizz wondered just how her powers worked, and what they actually were. “I have more experience than that.”

“If there is one of us here that can have no fault laid at their door, it’s you Gem.” Impulse replied; reaching out to tuck a lock of bright red hair behind her ear, ignoring the slight protective grumble from Ren as he got too close to the semi-conscious hybrid. “You do more than enough, and you have been doing too much… you have been keeping all of us calm and level-headed, and dealing with all of our crap, it was inevitable that you were going to get burnt out at some point… I’m just sorry that it got to this stage.”

Skizz watched the interactions between the three of them with a hollow chest and burning lungs; watching as Ren and Impulse fretted over Gem, and feeling loneliness, guilt and anxiety bubble up inside his gut. He whistled softly and Kevin was suddenly climbing down into the nest; his tongue hung out and his tail wagging at the sight of him as he reached out and grabbed his collar; gently pulling the dog towards him and giving it the signal for it to lie down across his lap; occupying the space where Impulse had been laying not even five minutes ago.

Kevin whined at him and he shushed him gently; burying his hand into his fur and petting him in all the spaces he knew that he liked; whilst trying to ignore the continuing conversation between Impulse, Gem and Ren…

He needed out…

He couldn’t breathe…

“I’m just going to go to the toilet my dudes.” He announced; standing up and signalling Kevin to follow… “I’ll be back in a little while.”

He practically flew out of Doc’s cabin; Kevin galloping at the side of him; yipping playfully, and he didn’t stop running until he was good and lost; doubling over and taking large breaths, both to try to get air into his lungs, and to prevent the anxiety in his chest from overwhelming him.

He could hear his dog barking and jumping around him wildly, and he vaguely realised that he was probably having a panic attack. He sat himself down against the nearest wall, and stuck his head between his legs; trying to concentrate on his breathing, and the fact that Kevin’s chin was resting on his knee; his dog whining at him in concern.

He couldn’t believe that he’d been such an idiot…

Of course, Tango was going to be upset at him for not having been there when they needed him…

Of course, he’d had to go and make everything worse by blaming his friend for something he couldn’t control, like a bigoted asshole…

Of course, the thought that maybe, just maybe, his friends had suffered so much that they no longer wanted to be there…

Did Impulse no longer want to be there? He had seemed neither surprised, nor panicked when Gem had blurted out the fact that Tango believed that he deserved to die… was that because Impulse had already known, or because he was feeling the same thing?

He felt his breaths turn to sobs and folded his arms over his knees; nudging Kevin away gently with his elbow as he tried to curl into the tightest cocoon that he could… Impulse was safe, he reminded himself… he was on the Hermitheus… he was safe… no one was going to let anything happen to any of his best friends…

“Are you okay son?” He let out a sob as he felt someone sit down next to him; saying hello to Kevin before resting a heavy hand on his shoulder. “Probably a bit of a stupid question… sorry… I’m not as good as this therapy thing as the kids are, but I’m here if you want to talk, and if not, then that’s okay too, I’m just going to stay here a bit until you are breathing normally again.”

No longer asking… which was a relief because in that moment, he didn’t think he could answer any questions, even non-verbally… no, whoever it was who had come upon him acting like a total idiot, just told him what was going to happen, and given him a lifeline… something tangible to hold on to. He reached up to his shoulder and was instantly rewarded with a calloused hand wrapping around his own, a strength and stability in the grip that he clung to like a drowning man.

He had no idea how long he sat there for; clinging onto the total stranger who had found him, and feeling his heart hammer in his chest with every whine Kevin made; his faithful dog trying desperately to reach him… to let him know that it was okay… to remind him that he was safe.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled when the sobs finally left him feeling exhausted down to his bones, and his breathing had returned to somewhat normal. He finally lifted his head from his safety space and met the eyes of one of the oldest players he had ever seen.

“No need to be sorry son.” Was the reply, as the man’s eyes crinkled at their corners as he smiled. “Here, I got hot cocoa if you want some. It’ll help pick you up.” He let go of the man’s hand; embarrassed that he was still holding on to it like a child, and watched as two steaming mugs were poured into, from a steaming flask. “It’s one of your friend’s recipes… Impulse might be banned from the kitchen, but he sure does know how to make good cocoa.”

“I’m sorry… I don’t…”

“TFC.” Was the man’s instant reply; punctuated with another smile, and he felt his eyes go wide at the implication of who he was talking to. “Don’t be sorry that you can’t connect the face with the name… X always tells me I’m the biggest hermit among us. Here, that should help.” He was handed one of the mugs and the smell of dark chocolate and spices instantly brought more tears to his eyes… it was true that Impulse had perfected the recipe… but it was his own cocoa that had brought about the idea… way back from one of their early Naked and Scared seasons, when his best friend begged him practically every night to make chocolate.

“I screwed up.” He whispered; wrapping his hands around the mug and inhaling the scent of Impulse… of home. “I let them all down, and now Tango…” He trailed off; the mere thought of what he’d heard bringing another lump to his throat. He took a gulp of the cocoa to try to clear it, only to be assaulted by memories of better… happier times between them all. “I should have been here.”

“You were right where you were meant to be.” Was the cryptic answer from the man at his side. “If you’d have been here, then none of this would have happened now… instead it would have happened a couple of weeks into the new server, and we would have been no better off. Instead, whatever has happened, has happened, and you are here now to help. It’s a lot easier for you kids to visit each other up here, than it is for X to be organising portals between world hubs, especially seeing as it looks like we’re going to be in completely different parts of the galaxy. I know the kids are probably going to be wanting to get their hands on a 1.18 world with enough space to be able to re-terraform after the update… there is a good chance that we are going to be at least three hubs away.”

The thought of being so far away from his friends… so isolated, settled like a stone in his stomach. It was by no means the first time he and Impulse had been so far apart, nor the first time in which they would have to travel such long distances for their Skyblock or Naked and Scared sessions… but in that moment, he couldn’t think of anything worse.

“That sounds great.” He said instead; trying to muster up a weak smile for the old man, who would no doubt be feeling the excitement of starting a new world, just as keenly as any of the Hermits.

“It sounds like a chore at this point.” TFC replied; shaking his head, amusement in his tone. “I get the fact that the kids are probably a bit giddy about the prospect of a new world… but I wonder if I’m getting too old to be down there with them. Having to travel that far between hubs, just to get back to my favourite little café… I miss the hub world for our sixth season.”

“I’m going to be a long way from Impulse… and Tango and Zed… what if they need me again? Not that I’ve done a very good job being there for them this time around.”

“If they need you, then I’m sure you will all think of something. I said it was easier to bring you up here, not that it was impossible for you to visit. It just requires a few more steps. Steps I’m pretty sure X would take for any of you.”

“I’m not a Hermit though… what if I need them?”

And that was his biggest fear…

What if Impulse forgot him?

What if they became too busy with the early season stuff, that he was left behind?

What if his loneliness became too much?

“Then I will do everything in my power to see that they get to you in time.” He looked up to see the Hermitcraft admin himself; standing over them both; his bare arms crossed over his black t-shirt and an unreadable expression on the very few features that weren’t covered by his mask. “None of you are getting left behind. You might not be a Hermit, but you are a friend, and that makes you part of this family.”

“Did I say that out loud?” He asked; feeling his face drain at the thought of having voiced his internal thoughts.

“You didn’t have to son.” TFC said with a soft smile from the side of him. “It’s written all over your face. Cocoa X?”

“No, thank you, I’m just here to take Skizz back to Doc’s.” He felt himself flinch at what he could only perceive as displeasure in the man’s tone, and he could do nothing in that moment but apologise, trying to make the man understand that he hadn’t meant for any of this to happen.

“Xisuma please… I’m so sorry… I don’t know what else I can say… I promise, as soon as I can get to a hub world, I’ll update my communicator… I’ll stay as long as they need, or I’ll go if they don’t want me… please just believe that I didn’t mean…”

“I know.” Xisuma replied; cutting him off; the admin deflating after a moment with a sigh; sitting down opposite them and crossing his legs; nodding at TFC, who happily poured him a mug of cocoa. “And I’m sorry I have been harsh… I worry about them… and about you, and that is why I snap and get annoyed when you all act like idiots around one another, even though you clearly need them, and they clearly need you just as much. I’m trying to be a better admin, I’m trying to give you all what you need, but there is only so much I can do… the rest of it has to come from you.”

“You do more than enough X.” TFC mumbled from the side of him; passing him the mug. “No one can accuse you of that.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.” Was Xisuma’s reply; and Skizz could hear just how exhausted the man sounded. He watched with wide eyes as X fiddled with his comms set for a minute; two doors closing at either end of the corridor; barricading them in, before he felt the air grow thinner around them.

It took less than five minutes before he was staring at the helmetless admin, and the first thing he was struck by; was not the man’s long hair, or salt and pepper beard… it wasn’t even the X shaped scar across his face; dappled with purple freckles… no… he was struck by just how young Xisuma looked…

He’d always thought of the voidwalker as older than the majority of the Hermits… certainly older than Impulse or Tango… or Zed. But the man in front of him looked no more than thirty, despite the silver in his beard and hair.

“You’re staring.” The aged miner muttered from the side of him.

“How old are you?” He asked; involuntarily; cursing his stupid big mouth, as X spluttered on his chocolate, and TFC broke into hearty laughter.

“Excuse me?” The admin croaked out; once he’d stopped coughing.

“You are a child.”

“I am certainly not.” Was the outraged reply.

“Jesus Christ dude, you are way younger than you should be.”

“I’m certainly older than I look.”

“He really is.”

“You’ve had all of this responsibility dumped on your shoulders, and you are barely out of your twenties? Whose dumb idea was that?” Xisuma turned a rather colourful shade at that, and Skizz couldn’t help but consider the absurdity of the situation he found himself in. “Do you even have a life outside the crap that was thrown onto you? Who looks after you?” He could see that he hit a nerve with that one, as Xisuma flinched and dropped his eyes down into his cocoa.

“Keralis makes sure I eat and sleep.” He replied quietly, and defeatedly, and Skizz’s heart went out to the man.

“We keep telling you that you do too much X.” TFC grumbled. “You just never listen. I told you last season to palm some of the stuff off to Joe, or Keralis, they would be more than happy and capable of doing the work.”

“But I was chosen to hold the burden of admin…” Was Xisuma’s small answer. “It isn’t anyone else’s job to be weighed down by this.”

“Oh Voidypop.” Skizz felt himself sigh; placing down his mug to lean forwards and forcibly yank the admin into a rather awkward hug. He could hear the other third of their little gathering start to chuckle again, followed by a grumbled ‘shut it’ from X, and he squeezed the man tighter; trying to ignore the aching in his chest.

He could admit that the hug was more for himself than for Xisuma, and once the stiffness had left the admin slightly; and a long pair of arms finally wrapped themselves around him, he hated himself for the feeling of safety that washed over him.

Perhaps Xisuma had been chosen to look after his family; because he was the only one who could.

Skizz felt himself shudder at that thought.

Chapter Text

The first thing he became aware of; as his sluggish mind clawed its way back to consciousness, was a heavy heartbeat against his cheek; slowly and steadily beating out its rhythm, reminding him that they were all still alive… that he was still alive….

He wasn’t completely sure how he felt about that.

The fact that his first thoughts after waking, were about whether he should still be alive or not, and whether he deserved to be, was something he should be concerned about… probably.

In truth, he couldn’t find it in himself to particularly care.

“Tango?” He whined at the low, heavily accented voice of Doc, and buried himself deeper into whatever warmth was surrounding him. “You awake?” He whined again and shook his head against the fur beneath him; and realised that it was the half-creeper’s heartbeat he could feel.

He heard Doc chuckle as a large hand came to rest against his head, and he whimpered; trying to flinch away from the touch; not wanting to risk hurting anyone again…

“Easy brother…” Was Doc’s soothing response, accompanied with the man starting to stroke through his curls. “It’s okay, you are safe here.”

He couldn’t help but let out a sob at how gentle the creeper was being; how soft and warm and caring he was, as he moved from stroking his hair, to massaging the back of his neck; his large hand like a hot water bottle on his tired muscles.

It was in that moment he realised how cold he was… and how much he ached… all over… as though he had spent weeks in a tundra, without any fire to keep himself warm. He realised how stiff his fingers felt as he buried them further into Doc’s fur with another pained whimper, and how stiff his toes were as he curled his legs up, under the blankets.

“Are you cold?” He nodded underneath the man’s hand and suddenly he felt himself being bundled further into the blankets, and lifted into a pair of arms, against a strong chest… Doc’s arms. “I have you brother.” The man said softly. “Ren has gone to fill you a hot water bottle, just try to stay awake for me whilst we warm you up some.”

He didn’t know how to tell Doc that it was of little use.

He had forcibly dowsed and smothered his core, and nothing short of a lava lake in the Nether was going to warm him up now.

Much longer without fire, and he would start dying…

Strangely enough, he felt sort of at peace with that.

“Here you go dude.”

His thoughts were interrupted before he could examine them any further, as a sudden warmth was pushed against his stomach; Ren tucking the bottle into the folds of the blankets with hands, just as gentle as Doc’s had been. He keened lowly; his body curling around the heat source; purely on instinct and Doc readjusted his grip, humming to him.

“Do you feel up for answering some questions?” Ren asked softly, his claws raking through his curls in a way that felt like the most heavenly of massages.

“Tango… don’t fall asleep.” Doc shook him gently and he hadn’t even realised that he’d begun to drift off. “You need to stay awake for us.”

Sleep sounded so good though…

“Should I wake X?” He heard Ren ask, the man’s voice taking on a worried tone. “He’s colder than I am… I can feel the chill on his cheeks.” There was a curse from Doc, and suddenly there was a hand on his cheek, tapping lightly on his cheekbone.

“Open your eyes for me Tango.” His admin sounded tired and worried, and he knew that he was the cause, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything in that moment, except for shake his head again.

None of them understood just how dangerous he would be if they warmed him up again. How volatile and deadly he could be. Out here, in the vacuum of space, where respawns didn’t work, and when you were dead, that was it… they couldn’t afford to have something like him on board… not with how unstable he evidently was.

All he wanted was sleep…

“Tango, you are colder than you are supposed to be.” Doc’s voice had taken on a more worried, more urgent tone now, and despite himself; he curled further around the water bottle, lapping up the warmth it was providing. “We need you to stay awake for us until we can warm you up. If you have any idea why you are getting colder… we could use your help brother.”

He shook his head again.

They couldn’t warm him up… he would just end up hurting someone again…

“Doc… look at this.”

There was another, more vicious curse from Doc, and he felt himself get passed into a different set of arms… familiar… warm…

“Hey dude, it’s only me.” Was Ren’s warm response as he was pulled against the man’s chest, receiving a nuzzle from the hybrid. “Doc and X are looking at your code, but I think both you and I know the problem, right? I know you’re scared, and I know that you probably have all sorts of horrible thoughts in that head of yours right now, but do you think you can trust me?”

He had no idea what he was supposed to be trusting Ren with, but he nodded his head anyway. The worst-case scenario was that he died, and he had already established the fact that he was at peace with that.

No… the worst-case scenario was that he died, and his friends would feel guilty, and that was motivation enough to keep breathing… for now.

He felt Ren stand up, much to exclamations from Doc and Xisuma, but failed to focus on much more than the water bottle that was still pressed against his stomach.

“Stay awake for me my dude. I’m getting you out of here.”

He was pretty sure he failed in the request to stay awake, because before long all he could feel was warmth, and he had no idea where they were, or even how they had gotten there.

“Is he awake?” Again, he had no clue as to where he was, but Etho had apparently joined them at some point, and was cupping his cheek with a hand that felt like ice. He whined, high and painfully, and the hand disappeared along with the blankets and the bottle, leaving him shivering, despite the humid atmosphere. “I need you to open your eyes for me Tango. This room is dark so it’s not gonna hurt you, but I need to see that you’re fully awake for this next bit.”

He forced his eyes open, and he was sure that it was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, but soon he was looking into the sympathetic face of Etho; Ren hovering uncertainly over his shoulder.

They had somehow made it down to engineering, and he was sat against one of the vats, that contained the necessary liquids to keep the ship running. Vats that; in any other passage, would have been his responsibility to monitor; the rest of the engineers amongst them, finding it too warm down in the compartment.

“Thank you.” Was Etho’s response as the man squatted down at the side of him, pulling his mask down around his neck and giving him a rare smile. “I know that you’re tired and that must have been hard. This next bit is gonna suck, I’m not going to lie to you. You might be in some pain at first, but I promise that you’re gonna be feeling a lot better after it. Can you trust me?”

He nodded frantically, despite the dizziness and nausea it brought.

Etho was a God amongst them. He had seen and done more than possibly anyone Tango knew, and if he trusted anyone at all to know what they were doing… he trusted Etho.

“I’m gonna pick you up, and you’re gonna be cold for a few seconds, but I promise you that soon you’ll be as warm as we can possibly get you without having to land you on-world somewhere.” With that very short, and somewhat confusing warning (at least to his scattered, sluggish brain); Etho scooped him up and promptly dumped him into what he could only describe as pain.

It burnt, and not in the way he did, and he found himself screaming until he was hoarse; flailing around and trying to get out.

 Ren and Etho’s apologies and reassurances were lost in the whiting out of his vision as the two men’s hands kept him in the burning liquid, and he briefly wondered if this was his punishment for what he’d done… they were going to kill him because he’d hurt Zed… he deserved this…

 Void… was this what burning alive felt like to the humans and non-netherfolk amongst them? Is this what it felt like when one of his friends ended up in the lava of the nether?

It was agony.

He had no idea how long he screamed for, but eventually his energy ran out, and left him sobbing in pain, apologising and begging them to stop… to forgive him…

The last thing he managed to parse through the soup his brain had turned into, was asking them to just let him die.

The oblivion that enfolded him for the next few minutes was the sweetest thing he had ever tasted, but like all good things, it inevitably had to end, and before long his brain started to reboot.

The first thing he realised, was that the cold that had seeped into his very bones, was nothing more than a dull memory, and the agony that he had been subjected to before passing out, had been replaced with a fluttering of warmth in his core…

One that refused to be stamped out, despite his best efforts.

“Are you back with us my dude?”

He opened his eyes and looked up, only to find Ren gazing down at him; looking absolutely spent, and with tears still on his cheeks. Whatever had happened to him had obviously upset Ren as much as it had hurt him.

“W’hppnd?” Was his slurred question, his voice hoarse, and incredibly sore.

“You were being an idiot is what happened.” Was Etho’s flat response as the man’s shock of white hair, also appeared over the rim of the vat they had apparently dumped him into. “Forcibly smothering your core is up there with the top five stupidest things you have ever done. It’s taken a vat of lava and some not inconsiderable effort to finally bring your temperature back to what it should be, and I’m guessing that this incident has been as painful for you as it is for any of us to take an unexpected dip in the Nether.”

Tango looked down to confirm that it was lava that they had submerged him up to his shoulders in and contemplated the fact that it had finally gotten to the stage where he could no longer trust himself, nor be trusted to stay alive.

This is what it had come to… being babysat whilst in the bath…

“Woah, we’re not gonna do that just yet.” Ren had grabbed him by the shoulders and was pushing him back into the heat, despite the fact that he couldn’t even remember standing up… all he knew was that he’d hurt his friends, and kept hurting them, and having to be watched like a misbehaving child was humiliating. “Just give it a few more minutes before you get up my dude.”

“I’ve got a fire resist on me, do you think you can handle him from out here whilst I go and get X, or are you getting in?” He heard Etho ask

“We’ll be fine but leave it just in case.”

“I’ll be five minutes.”

The rest of the conversation washed over him as he allowed himself to finally feel the exhaustion that had become his normal over the past few weeks, and he found himself zoning out; watching the bubbles burst in the lava; wondering how badly he had finally fucked up.

Chapter Text

The sound of Tango’s terrified, screams was something Ren knew would stay with him forever.

In fact, it seemed that a lot of what he’d witnessed of Tango’s breakdown over the last twenty-four hours would never leave him.

It was lucky that both he and Etho had taken fire resist potions before going anywhere near the vat, but the sight of the Netherborn trying desperately to climb out of said vessel; shrieking like he was dying was something that, thankfully, they had been at least prepared for.

No… something they had been physically prepared for… in that they had chugged potions… Ren didn’t think witnessing the screaming and the sheer terror from Tango was something that he could ever have been mentally ready for.

Once the man had run out of energy completely, after what had seemed like hours, but was in actual fact minutes; he’d broken down sobbing, apologising over and over again, and begging them just to end it if they were going to kill him, instead of torturing him.

As if he’d fully believed that they were doing this as punishment.

Ren hadn’t been able to stop himself breaking down a little at that, and he’d pulled away to leave Etho to continue to whisper reassurances to Tango as he allowed himself a minute to pull himself back together.

His nerves were shot, and his emotions felt like they had been on a roller coaster ever since he’d woken up. The only good thing that had come out of the entire mess was the fact that he had recognised and acknowledged it. He’d had some very long and difficult talks with Doc over the past week; the creeper admitting to sending his code over to certain members of the hive mind, and apologising when he’d instantly gone stiff at the idea of someone poking through the very core of his being. They had discussed it however, and they had both come out of the other end of the entire ordeal, tentatively proud of the fact that they were getting better at communicating.

The few days Impulse had been in the hospital wing, had been filled with them both curling up on the sofa in the little office, murmuring in low tones, and more often than not; drifting off to sleep together.

If circumstances had been different; he might have considered it the most at peace with himself he’d felt in months.

By the time he had wrestled his emotions back into control and turned his attention back to Tango; the man had mercifully passed out from what was inevitably both pain and exhaustion.

It took half an hour…

A very tense, agonising half an hour; before the blonde woke back up, and in that time, Etho had been monitoring his stats on his comms set; frowning at the screen as if it was going to help; both of them silent, not really knowing what to say…

Ren had never felt more useless.

He was now sitting watching the man whilst Etho fetched Xisuma and Doc and probably anyone else he could find that could potentially help, and yet; he still felt useless.

“I’m sorry for hurting Zed.” Tango mumbled out, clearly somewhat aware of the fact that Ren was still there with him, despite his eyes being suspiciously empty and glassy. “You should have just let me…” he didn’t finish the sentence… he didn’t need to.

“Look at me dude.” Ren ordered softly; trying to choke down his emotions once more, as Tango’s empty stare turned to him.

The man’s face was covered in soot lines from his tears, and he had dark bags beneath his eyes… he looked positively miserable.

“The next time I hear you ask one of us to let you die, or voice ideas of taking action yourself in order to die, it will be the last time I ever let you out of my sight. You are loved Tango… Nether-folk features and all. You were upset, and angry, and exhausted from all of the emotional heavy lifting you have had to do over the last few weeks, especially after what happened with Impulse, and we should never have taken our eyes off of the three of you. None of this was your fault my brother, and losing you would devastate the entire server. Your idea that you should have to be punished for having lost control, even in such a justifiable situation, is something that terrifies me… why do you think any of us would wish that?”

“But… but I’m dangerous…”

“So am I, so is Doc, so is X, and Cleo, and False on a bad day… any of us are dangerous… we have collectively been through too much not to be. Would you wish punishment on me if in a half delirious state, I accidentally bit someone? Because it’s happened before you know… when Doc and I first based together, and he got too close to my tail, brushing my fur… I bit him… hard… should he then have muzzled me in case I did it again? Should we order a lead, a muzzle and a set of claw clippers just in case? Zed accidentally burnt his hand by touching you… regardless of the fact that you were burning… not only was that not your fault, what would you have us do about it? A burn is easily healed, and by this time tomorrow there won’t even be a scar to show it happened.”

“But I hurt Zed…” Was the man’s despondent answer, and Ren fought to keep his sigh internal.

“You are starting to sound like a broken record my dude… what do you think is the appropriate punishment then? What do you think we should do about it?”

A shrug.

“What do you want us to do about it?”

Another shrug.

“What would have been the punishment outside of Hermitcraft… should this have happened in a hub world?”

Ren could admit that this question, was the one that would hit the hardest, and he promised himself that he would apologise for asking it as soon as Tango was in a more stable headspace. Hub worlds were notoriously anti-anything-that-was-not-100-percent-human, and the punishments for mere misdemeanours were often extremely harsh on those whose hybrid traits were on display.

“Tango?” He pushed softly, trying desperately to get the man to answer without risking him shutting down any further.

“For burning something… probably mod-ordered fire-resistant iron cuffs, and a head shave for whenever the person in question was on any hub world.” Was the answer from behind him, and he spun around to see Xisuma, Doc and a very grave looking Skizz; who had been the one to reel off the information. “For burning somebody… they would probably stop once there wasn’t enough of a limb left to burn… punishments are usually coded in, so that there is no way to escape them, or to replace any limb that was taken in punishment.”

Ren felt his chest go tight at that, and tried to ignore the way Doc flinched; his prosthetic hand clenched at his side. Having your hands locked away to the point that they were unusable was bad enough… especially when coupled with the embarrassment of the shaved head… the thought of having them amputated…

He swore to himself that he would apologise to Doc for having pushed, as well as Tango.

The information he had received, made him wish he hadn’t.

“Is that what you think you deserve Tango?” He asked, nontheless turning back to the task at hand, and man who was looking up at them all with wide eyes. “Is that what you want? Do you think that’s what we want for you? Do you think us monsters?”

There was a frantic shaking of the blonde's head, and he settled back down by the vat; determined that he would get through to the Netherborn even if he had to start bringing up some of his own past experiences with hub-world Moderators.

“Then can you accept that none of us would ever punish you for something like this? Especially seeing as it was a complete accident?”

He internally breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the dawning of understanding in Tango’s eyes; despite the fact that it was still laced with doubt, uncertainty, and most heartbreakingly of all… fear.

It was a start if nothing else.

“If anyone came anywhere near my Hermits with ideas like that; they would be the ones losing limbs.” Their admin’s voice thundered, and it took all of his control not to flinch at the anger behind Xisuma’s words. “Hybrid or not, accident or not; practices like that are barbaric and I would fight for any one of you who was facing any sort of trumped up charge the bigots could come up with. I protect my own, and you are my own, human, hybrid, undead, Void or Nether kind; you are people, not animals or beasts. If they ever dared touch what is mine; we would never world hop again and instead completely close our borders and firewalls; becoming the epitome of Hermits, and nothing, and no one would stop me as I laid waste to their precious universe in revenge. They would die by my hand, and thank me for it.”

Xisuma’s voice became deeper and more sinister with each word he uttered; his form glitching slightly as his anger rose and he lost the tiniest amount of control over his powers, and Ren was starkly reminded just how dangerous Voidwalkers could be. The fact that they had one as an overprotective admin had always made each and every one of them feel safe and secure, but it had come with the consequence of forgetting just what Xisuma was.

They had always known, that if anything ever happened to them, he would carry out his threat of destroying worlds and galaxies to avenge them. It was his second promise to every single Hermit that joined their family, the first being that he would protect them to his fullest ability, even from themselves.

Ren had never been so thankful for their beloved admin as he did in that moment, and he would have quite happily kissed him for the expression it had brought to Tango’s face.

The Netherborn was looking at him like he had never met him, as if Xisuma hadn’t made declarations like this before, and the man’s face was full of childlike wonder and awe for the being who was spoken about in children’s bedtime stories.

The being who they were warned not to anger, lest their village, world, universe get destroyed in return.

It really was easy to forget that their mild-mannered, soft-spoken friend belonged to a race that had once wrought destruction, terror and waste across any galaxy they fancied.

“X…”

Xisuma’s shoulders slumped as Doc placed a hand on his shoulder; tension dripping from him like oil from water, and his shoulders losing their previously guarded stature.

“You are going back into therapy. All of you.” The man muttered. “I’m getting too old for this.” There was a snort from Skizz at that and Xisuma threw him a fleeting glance before striding over to kneel next to the vat; pushing his helmet against Tango’s forehead in greeting. “In all seriousness, how are you feeling my friend?”

Ren blinked, as in a split second; Xisuma had gone from a wrathful angel, ready to take on the entire universe, to a gentle, loving man, who was worried for his friends, and as his admin coaxed small noises and single worded answers from the Netherborn; he thanked whichever deity had blessed them with such a caretaker; praying that they would keep Xisuma safe, for all of their sakes.

Chapter Text

Doc sighed as he sank down into his huge cushion, giving Ren a tired smile as the other hybrid flopped into the armchair next to him and let out a dramatic groan.

“Will this night never end?” The man huffed out. “I don’t know how much more drama I can take my dude.”

They had sat down in engineering until Xisuma had deemed Tango warm enough to leave the vat, and followed their admin as he’d scooped the Netherborn into his arms and carried him like a babe, back to the nest. He’d settled the blonde down next to Keralis, before curling around him, and going on the noise of discontent, and the slight glitch of his form, when Doc had reached down to pull covers over both of them; he was still partially running off of his protective instincts.

Skizz had headed straight for the pile of blankets and bodies where Zed, Impulse and Gem were all still fast asleep, and all of them completely unaware of the events that had transpired over the course of the last hour.

Doc had watched him settle, giving the man a grateful nod for the help he had given and followed his hybrid into his living room; Ren having already set his coffee machine running and rooted around his cabinets for two mugs.

“We will need to be careful in the morning…” Was the only thing he could think to say. “If Impulse or Zed go near Tango… I think ‘suma is still a bit protective right now.”

“He has every right to be…” Ren replied quietly. “We’ve never had… no one has ever come close to… shit dude, I can’t even say it.” The man had the palm of his hands shoved into his eye sockets and was leaning forwards in the chair; smelling like he was on the verge of a breakdown. “Even at our worst we never…”

“I know.” Doc whispered; reaching up to grip one of his wrists and pull it away from his face; taking hold of his hand as he tugged it towards him. “I’m struggling with this too… but you heard X, he’s going to help us see people again, and everything will work itself out. We caught him in time, and we won’t let anything like this happen again.”

“He sounded so scared Doc… he was begging us to just kill him… I’ve never heard any of us sound that… terrified… I think the worst thing was that he sounded scared of us… like he fully expected us to punish him… what did we do?”

“You can’t think like that.” Was his quick response. “In times like this… his head probably twisted everything up, and he might still be relying on his fight or flight response right now… it’s no one’s fault, just his head screwing with him.”

“But… I’ve never seen any of us that terrified of another Hermit… I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of us that terrified period…”

“I have.” Was his small, whispered admittance, and Ren’s head shot up; the man staring at him with wide eyes, his scent tinged with confusion, worry, and a small amount of panic. “When we picked you up from 3^rd life… you were… a bit of a mess… I’m not really sure how much you remember of it but… I think the three of us survived that first week, on coffee and spite alone…”

“Geez Doc… I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Was his immediate answer. “You had no idea what that game was going to do to you, and I had no idea to expect that afterwards… again, just like Tango now, your head was screwing with your emotions. Fear, guilt, trauma… it all triggers that same fight or flight response and we were both caught off guard. But… we got through it, right? We’re both still here?”

He hadn’t meant for the last part to sound so much like a question, but the sympathetic understanding that melted across Ren’s face, told him that the other man understood completely.

“We’re still here my dude.” His hybrid confirmed; climbing off of the armchair to wrap him in a hug.  “I don’t think Bob would have been cruel enough to have allowed Tango to spiral this badly inside a simulation, and I know that we’re not dreaming either… we’re awake, and alive, and together… that is all that matters right now. That and the fact that we’re in a position to be able to help him… I guess that’s one positive we could take away from what happened…” They both sighed in tandem; melting together until Doc wasn’t quite sure where he ended and Ren began. “I’m sorry for dragging up the law earlier.” Ren whispered; squeezing him slightly. “I just needed him to understand that nothing like would ever happen to him here. I’m sorry if I dragged up bad memories.”

“You didn’t.” Was his response, cursing himself when he felt his shoulder twitch. “It was a long time ago, and very much deserved. I goaded a God, played his game and lost. Dinnerbunny and I… we have an… understanding now, and though I would have very much preferred to keep my arm… in a way, losing it made me stronger, better, and all the more stubborn. If I was still been as young and as stupid as I was back then, now… I’m not sure either of us would have survived. Coffee and spite Ren… it’s what keeps me going. You don’t have to worry about me on this. Besides, losing my arm to a duel with a God is a bit different to losing a limb because some bigot is on a power trip, and it makes one hell of an epic story to tell.”

He knew that Ren could smell that he was telling the truth, and the man sniffed slightly; squeezing him once more before pulling back from the hug and searching his face for answers that only Ren could ever think to attempt to find.

“I’m still sorry.” Was his hybrids firm response. “But in the end… I think I got through to him.”

“I think you did too… you did really well today… but you don’t have to do this alone.”

“I know, and I am not even going to try to. Xisuma, Skizz, Impulse and Zed will start putting him back together… he has friends.”

“So do you.”

“I have the best friend a dog could ask for. I have my Doc to protect me from anything.” He smiled and softly butted their heads together, Ren huffing out a laugh and giving him another hug.

He wasn’t sure if the man knew just how true that statement was. He would protect his ridiculous mutt from everything he possibly could, if only to have moments like this… together… safe.

The beep from the coffee machine, broke through the moment, and Ren was up in a flash; pouring them both a large mug and padding back over.

“You know… when this is all over, and we’re on a new world. I… I think I’m going to retire.” Doc choked on the large gulp of coffee he had taken, scowling at Ren’s mischievous grin when he’d finished hacking.

“Bro, you can’t just say stuff like that.”

“It’s true though!” The hybrid replied; throwing himself back into the chair, only just managing to keep from spilling his own drink. “I’m not going to do anything strenuous this season, just gonna sit back and become a pumpkin farmer. I might build a bakery and sell pumpkin pies, if my best bro would be kind enough to teach me his recipe, and the lot of you are going to be eating them all the way through the season.”

Doc hummed at that; allowing his own smirk to play on his face.

Trust Ren to find the most random thing he could think to farm… the only thing worse would have been beetroots.

“I might farm tomatoes.” He decided. “Take it nice and slow for the first few weeks, see how everything goes.”

“I’m giving you a month before you get bored and end back up on an insane grind.”

“Two.”

“Six weeks.”

“Eight.” He scowled as Ren burst out laughing, but failed to hold in his own amusement, dissolving into his own hissed chuckles at their petty argument. His nerves were shot, and he knew that they were going to have to have some very serious and very honest conversations over the next few days… possibly even weeks, but if the pair of them could still playfully bicker and laugh over trivial things… maybe they could get through it.

“Why do you think Skizz knows so much about… y’know…” Ren’s question sobered him back up, and he took another mouthful of coffee before placing his mug down and disconnecting his arm; giving his aching shoulder a roll before forcing himself to relax.

“There are many reasons that a human would study the laws.” He answered after the moment of thought, his ministrations had afforded him. “In this case though… my guess would be that he just wants to know how to protect his friends, should anything ever happen. The extent of his knowledge is something we don’t yet know, but we should be glad of it all the same.”

“My ma and pa sat me and Jono down as kids and explained it… it didn’t really help, and we didn’t properly understand it, but they tried their best all the same.”

Doc felt his heart stop at that, as a terrifying thought washed over him.

“Ren… did they ever…”

“Once.” His hybrid admitted softly… truthfully… “We were small, and like I said, we didn’t properly understand the dangers, but some asshole shoulder-checked Jono and I growled at him… it was barely a grumble, and I was too young to understand what it would cost, but it was enough… back then…”

“What did they do to you?” Doc’s heart was in his throat; staring at his friend and trying to figure out the scent that was coming off of the smaller hybrid. Ren, in contrast to his rising fury and panic, seemed utterly calm about the situation, and it lit a fury in him like he’d never felt before.

“I got my claws clipped and muzzled for a month, and dad managed to avoid Jono getting the same by offering to pay a fine. It was only on hub worlds, and I should have known better, but it was a lesson learned and ma and pa made sure we both understood the seriousness of what would happen if we got a second offense.” Doc hissed lowly, and Ren shot him a rueful smile; obviously understanding just how angry he was.

Ren; who Doc imagined to have been all arms and legs and energy at that age… Ren, who was always smiling, always quick to make friends, and cried at the thought of stepping on a butterfly… Ren who was so unequivocally good…

“Hey, it’s all good my dude.” The smaller man whispered to him; placing a hand on his shoulder and digging his thumb into the sore muscle of his neck to try to rub some of the tension back out of it. “Take a deep breath for me and try to relax, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

Doc did as instructed; closing his eyes and fighting down his anger in order to unclench his jaw and allow Ren to bring him back to some sort of even keel.

“It was a long time ago, and although this ‘defending my honour’ thing is totally sweet, it’s unnecessary, and does nothing to change what happened. It’s something I’ve worked through, and it’s something I learned from, please try not to work yourself up over it.”

“Sorry.” He huffed out when he had managed to reign in some of his anger. “I know you don’t need me to defend you… it’s just disgusting that they dare do that to kids…”

“That’s not something I’m going to argue with you over, but this is a fight that is one-hundred percent bigger than us, and has been going on for years. All we can do is try to keep combating those bigotries through what we do and who we are. Now, if you aren’t gong to finish your coffee, why don’t we go and get curled back up in the nest? Tomorrow, we can talk about getting Tango the help he needs, we can start organising a cuddle pile, and we can help Keralis with watching over X. That sound good my dude?”

He sighed and nodded, his lips twitching into a smile as Ren bounded out of his chair, only to grab his hand and drag him back towards the nest. It took some skill, three near misses and a balancing act, but they were soon settled down, with Ren practically melting into his side; the man’s face and hands getting buried into his fur as he let out a sigh of content.

“I can hear you thinking from here my dude. Go to sleep.” He huffed in amusement and closed his eyes; his hand instantly going for Ren’s long hair as he combed it through with his fingers; lulling the pair of them to sleep.

Chapter Text

When Impulse woke, he did so with a heavy pain in his chest. He had played the situation off yesterday for Gem’s sake more than anything, but the thought that Tango wanted to…

He didn’t really want to think about it.

The 4 days he had spent in the hospital wing had done nothing much for him, other than allow him to get some sleep, something that had been sorely lacking whilst he and Tango had been looking after Zed.

It was strange, given Zed’s mental state over the past weeks, that he was probably the most stable out of all three of them right now. Impulse certainly didn’t feel stable, and Tango was absolutely unstable if he was considering…

There he was thinking about it. Again.

Skizz being there was probably the only thing that was keeping him from screaming himself hoarse. That was all he wanted to do. Scream. Scream for Tango, for Zed… for himself…

“Impulse? Are you awake my friend?” He hummed in confirmation at Xisuma’s question, and felt a hand land on his shoulder. “I need your help. Do you think you can move without waking Gem?” He opened his eyes to see his admin kneeling over him; worried eyes searching his face for… something. He turned his head away and slowly worked his arm from underneath the tiny faun, who had buried herself into his chest and stayed there all night.

He hushed her softly when she stirred and carefully rolled her over into Skizz’s front, shaking his brother awake and giving him a meaningful look. He knew that he had been successful in passing his message over when the older man nodded and scooped the redhead into his chest; his eyes flicking to Xisuma.

Impulse had no idea what had happened during the night, but something passed between the two men that had the knot of anxiety in his chest; jump into his throat. He quickly untangled himself from the sheets he’d wrapped both himself and Gem in, and followed his admin out of the nest and into Doc’s sitting room.

“Good morning sweetface.” Was Keralis’s soft greeting as he handed him a mug of coffee and coaxed him onto the sofa.

“Is this an intervention?” Was the only thing he could think to ask, as he scanned the sight of Ren, Doc, Xisuma, Keralis and Scar; all looking at him with varying degrees of concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Impulse… there was an… incident, during the night.” Scar sounded uncertain, and kept glancing towards their admin, as if trying to gain Xisuma’s permission for whatever it was he wanted to say.

“Where’s Tango?” It suddenly occurred to him that the Netherborn wasn’t amongst them, nor had he seen Tango’s characteristic blonde hair as he’d left the nest. The knot of anxiety that had jumped into his throat was now threatening to suffocate him with its intensity.

The fact that none of the room’s occupants were currently able to look him in the eyes partially confirmed that his anxiety was warranted.

“Where’s Tango?” He asked again; his voice dropping into a growl.

“Impulse…”

“No. None of the bullshit excuses, where is he?”

“During the night, his body temperature started dropping.” Came Doc’s clinical and almost detached answer. “He had dowsed his core, and he was cooling down quicker than any of us could warm him up, even with hot water bottles and Ren’s high body heat he was dropping into a range where it was going to prove fatal. We took him down to engineering and he took a lava bath.”

“So, he’s down in engineering?” Was the only thing he could rasp out as his breaths became shorter in his rising panic. Tango forcibly dousing his core wasn’t unheard of when transiting hub worlds… for his own safety more than anything… on ship though? That wasn’t his friend trying to stay safe… that was Tango trying to keep them safe… on a truly suicidal level…

There was that word again.

“He’s in Medbay with Ren.” Xisuma replied softly, and Impulse barely registered the fact that his admin had spoken before he was up like a shot and storming out of the room, on his way to their hospital. He was aware enough to know that Doc had followed him with a curse, but in that moment all he could think about was getting to Tango.

“Impulse you need to slow down.” The creeper called behind him, but he shook his head and sped up into a run; ploughing through the breakfast crowd, ignoring several calls for him to stop.

He had to get to Tango.

The medbay came up on him quicker than he’d expected and soon he was stood in front of the double doors; panting from both exertion and his spiralling anxiety. Doc skidded to a stop at the side of him and grabbed his arms; forcing him against the wall and down into a sitting position; taking up sentry in front of him to prevent him from making another run from it.

“You have to calm down.” Was the heavily accented command from the larger man. “You will freak out not just Ren but Tango too if you enter in the state that you are. Take a minute, breathe, and listen to me. Can you do that?”

He thought for a minute before nodding; trying to take in deeper breaths, despite the burning in his lungs and throat.

Doc seemed to consider him for a few minutes before starting to speak.

“Tango is going to be fine in the long run. I know that it doesn’t necessarily feel like that right now, but with time, therapy and lots of love and support from us, he will be okay. All of you will. Right now he is safe, out of danger and sleeping the stress of the night off.”

“My fault.” He managed to rasp out in response to Doc’s words. “My fault he tried…”

And that was the crux of the matter, wasn’t it?

It had been him who had thrown the Netherborn out of the medbay, the previous day.

It had been his words that had no doubt set Tango spiralling into a pit of self-hate and misery…

His words that had triggered a meltdown so monumental that Tango had almost died…

“No, my brother.” Doc replied; cupping the back of his head and pulling him forwards until he was buried into a green chest of fur. “I am sorry that my words, said out of anger has put that thought into your head, but Tango was struggling way before this happened. These things don’t come out of nowhere, and especially not from one single argument between friends. Was I angry that the three of you threw him out last night? Of course, I was. Is this then your fault that he’s gotten to this stage? Absolutely not. Believe me that the hatred he has of himself is deep rooted and has been there for years, lingering in the back of his head. I understand that if nothing else, and still none of us are to blame for it. Just as no one but myself has ever been to blame for my own thoughts.”

Impulse found himself disagreeing with Doc, but unable to voice his thoughts in a way that would make the creeper understand.

He, Skizz and Zedaph were Tango’s best friends… they should have seen this way before it had made it to the stage where the Netherborn was suicidal. They should have been better friends, they should have noticed it sooner… they should have said something earlier, and now they were facing the consequences of their inactions, to the point that they’d almost lost him.

He had almost lost him…

He should ever be allowed to speak again, if this is what his angry words were capable of…

“Do you want to go in and see him now?” Doc asked softly; running his claws through his hair and wrapping his other arm around him; pulling him completely into an all-encompassing hug. “He’s still going to be out of it for a few more hours, but we can go in to see him… if you want.”

“He… he’s alive?” He choked out, because he had to be sure.

“Of course he is my brother.” Was Doc’s steadying response. “We wouldn’t have let it get that far. It was a close enough call, and serious enough to worry about, but there are safeguards in place.”

“Like what?” His voice sounded small, even to himself, and he knew that the question was a redundant one, because of course Doc had safeguards, and if Doc had safe guards, that meant…

“I have an alarm attached to my comm.” Xisuma… his admin…

As if the Voidwalker would ever have not followed them both out of Doc’s cabin.

“Given the… precariousness of our situation up here, if any of you drop below five hearts, I get an alert. Tango was down 4 ticks of damage before Ren and Etho managed to get him into the lava vat last night, not far enough into my danger zone for me to get an alert, but…”

He just managed to choke out an ‘X’ before he completely broke down. He was vaguely aware of Doc transferring him into Xisuma’s arms and he was soon sobbing out his apologies into his admin’s chest. The voidwalker simply wrapped his long arms around him and was soon rubbing his back; whispering out words of comfort and reassurances that everything was going to be okay, and that everyone was safe.

It was the breakdown that had been coming, ever since the moon had crashed and he’d woken up in his stasis tube. It was the raw wound that hadn’t completely had time to heal since a similar situation in his factory, all those weeks ago, and which was now re-opened, and bleeding all over Xisuma’s black t-shirt.

“I am so sorry my friend. I took my eyes off of all of you at a time you needed me the most. I knew that after what had happened, there was going to be a lot of healing to be done, I just got too focused on my code diving to see what was happening right under my nose. Tango won’t be alone now, I’m here, and I promise that I will fix this.”

“I’m sorry.” He was shushed gently by his admin and promptly picked up; Xisuma’s strong arms stiffening to carry him a short distance, which he realised was into the medbay. He was set down onto a bed and whined at the loss of contact with his admin, until gentle hands rolled him over into something very warm.

Tango…

He found himself crying even harder and cuddling into his best friend, who promptly turned over and wrapped his own arms around him; the smell of soot permeating the air as his the Netherborn also started to cry.

What a sight they must have made; sobbing in each other until they were both spent and almost asleep.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered; his voice hoarse and sore.

“So am I.” Came the equally raspy reply from his brother, and he felt himself slip into a fitful sleep; his hand finding Tango’s stomach, in the hope that he would feel if the Netherborn’s temperature dropped.

He woke up what must have been a few hours later; tucked between Tango and Skizz, and the shock of fluffy blonde hair sticking out from the other side of Tango’s shoulder told him that Zed must have snuggled into his usual spot on their brother’s shoulder blade.

They had always all fitted together like pieces of a puzzle.

He allowed himself a small sigh of contentment at Skizz’s familiar snores and the way Zed’s fingers were laced into his own atop Tango’s stomach, and promptly fell back asleep.

Chapter Text

Gem wasn’t sure quite what had happened during the night, but she could feel the collective devastation in Doc’s cabin, the minute she woke up; wrapped in Skizz’s arms. She felt it bearing down onto her shoulders, like some insurmountable weight that she was going to have to somehow lift, and she felt her eyes sting as her chest burned in the effort it took her to lift her head.

Her eyes met Keralis’s and he hopped over the edge of the nest to scoop her up as soon as he heard her pitiful whine leave her throat.

“I got you sweetface.” He hushed; carrying her through to Doc’s living room where Scar was sat in one of the armchair’s; looking extremely grave. She buried her face into Keralis’s shoulder against the light and tried to take some big breaths, pushing a sudden, familiar sting of pain to the back of her mind as she attempted to focus on her own feelings rather than Scar’s soreness.

“Sorry Gem, it’s a bad pain day.” He said softly, sounding as serious as he had looked. She shook her head to try and tell him that it didn’t matter, but in doing so caused a headache to flare behind her eyes. “You should get her out of here to one of the other cabins.” She heard him tell Keralis. “Somewhere on her own, or with someone who is able to regulate their feelings. Someone… happy… or at least content. Pearl… or Joe…”

There was a soft knock at the door and she shied away from the sound; digging herself further into Keralis’s shoulder; even as he stood to answer the knock.

“Give her to me Keralis.” Came the soft order as soon as the door was open. “I’ll look after her, but she shouldn’t be around you boys right now.”

“Can you walk Gem?” Came Keralis’s gentle question as he slowly lowered her to the floor.

She wasn’t sure, but she nodded her head again anyway; screwing her eyes shut with a rising determination to try, even if it was only to get herself away from the pain that was still pressing down on her from all angles.

“I got you kid.” A strong hand gripped her arm and gently guided her out of the door; steadying her as she blindly stumbled out into the passageway; her eyes still shut tight against the fluorescent lights. “I got you, just try to follow me best you can, okay?” Another small nod and they set off at a slow pace; pausing every couple of seconds so that she was able to rest against the wall and push down her rising nausea. “Not far, you are doing great. Another few steps and we’ll be there.”

She wasn’t quite sure where ‘there’ was, until she was given the soft command to open her eyes, and suddenly she was looking out into the vastness of space, from the same viewing dock she had claimed as her thinking space.

She stumbled back and almost fell back onto the steps, before firm hands steadied her and guided her down gently to sit in her usual spot.

“Here you go little one… drink deep.” She was handed a mug and wasted no time in raising it to her lips, drinking down dark, spiced chocolate that had come from a now familiar flask. “It was a little loud in there I bet. Are you starting to feel better now though?”

“How…”

“How did I know to come and get you?” A pair of old but smiling eyes took up her vision and their Hermit amongst Hermits flipped out a stool to settle down in front of her on. She nodded, trying to parse through her slowly clearing thoughts, wondering if their old miner had any powers of his own. “I have some idea how your powers work, more than most I would guess, and given the events of last night I had a good idea where to find you, and knew that you were probably in quite a bit of pain. The rest of it, you can call luck if you like.”

“Was it?” She asked; unable to stop herself. “Was it luck?”

She received nothing but a smile in response, and TFC promptly topped up her mug of cocoa.

“Want to talk about it?” He asked gently. “About what happened?”

“Tango…”

“Our young Netherborn is safe in the medbay currently. No lasting damage from what I can tell, but Xisuma has promised them all that they’re going back into therapy.”

She admitted that she was a little confused at his wording, and how grave he looked, but she could feel nothing but calmness radiating from him, and she used it to try and ground herself.

“Damage?” She saw something pass behind TFC’s eyes, but before she could question it, it was gone.

“You slept through the night I take it?” She nodded; confused as to where the conversation was going. “Didn’t wake up at all, or get disturbed?”

“I was in the nest with Doc, Ren and the others.” She replied with a shake of her head. “I woke up and it was just me… I figured everyone had dispersed… I had a bit of an… incident myself yesterday… I got a bit overwhelmed and it kind of took it out of me… did I… miss something?”

“Oh, little one.” Was the sympathetic sigh from the old miner in front of her, as he leaned forwards to place his elbows on his knees and reach to take one of her hands in his own.

She felt like she had been dunked into ice.

“Tango doused his core yesterday… after the incident in medbay, and was actively cooling down by the time Ren and Doc got him into the nest. They both noticed that he was getting colder during the night, and took him down to engineering to have a lava bath, just before his health ticked into the danger zone.”

“He… he tried to…” She spun around and took a bucket out of her inventory; promptly throwing up the rich cocoa she had just drunk. It was a miracle that she had been on husbandry recently, and that she had forgotten to place the mop bucket back into its storage cupboard, otherwise she would have decorated the deck.

She was aware of gentle hands; holding her hair out of her face and rubbing her back, and she felt a red flush of shame rise on her cheeks. Soft words and murmurs accompanied TFC’s actions and as soon as she was done, he took the bucket out of her hands and replaced it with a mug of cold water.

“Sip it, don’t gulp.” He instructed before disappearing out into the passageway and returning before she’d even comprehended the fact that he’d gone. He wasn’t alone, and her admin’s posture was full of exhaustion as he settled down next to her and pulled her into his shoulder.

“Tango is safe.” Were Xisuma’s first words, and she was desperate to believe him. “I have him on constant monitoring and the moment his temperature drops even a single degree lower than it should be, he’ll be back down in engineering, taking another bath. He’s in medbay, snuggled into bed with Zed, Impulse and Skizz, and Ren and Doc are keeping an eye on them all.”

“I should have…”

“You have done enough Gem.” Were her admin’s stern words as he pulled back to stare her in the eyes. “It could be argued that you have done far too much, given how exhausted you were yesterday. I never asked you here because of your powers. You shouldn’t be trying to sort out everyone’s problems. I know that you can’t help your instincts, and I am not blaming you in the slightest for that, but you do need to take a step back, for your own health.”

“I’m sorry.” She replied with a grimace. “I know all of that, and usually…”

“There is nothing usual about this situation little one. Even for us old folk, we’re in new territory here. This isn’t on you.” She nodded at TFC’s words, and their oldest Hermit dropped down at her other side; joining her and Xisuma on the step, and wrapping his arm around her back.

They sat there in silence for a while; each lost in their own thoughts, and she finally felt a peace settle over her for the first time since she had woken up that morning. She felt her eyes drooping and realised just how exhausted she still was.

“Come on little Doe, let’s get you into bed.” She was picked up by Xisuma and allowed her head to drop onto his shoulder as he carried her towards her cabin. “I’ll send Pearl to come and check on you later, but I want you sleeping, understood?” She nodded against his shirt and he hummed in response; unlocking her door with his own comms set and pushing it open with his elbow.

He set her down behind her azalea curtain and pulled the soft sheets over her; tucking her hair behind her ear with a sad smile behind his visor.

“Sleep Gem, you’ve very much earned it.”

Not one to disobey a direct order from her admin, she closed her eyes and sunk into her mattress.

Chapter Text

He clicked his tongue as soon as his Shishwham appeared in his doorway; shoulders heavy and his neck struggling to hold both the weight of his helmet, and no doubts, the events of the last few hours. It took no time at all for Xisuma to remove said helmet; once the door was closed and the atmosphere in his cabin had equalised, and he tried not to let his anger get the better of him as the voidwalker promptly headed over to curl into his side.

“You know what I’m going to say sweetface.” He whispered; putting his book down to comb his fingers through his admin’s hair. “But I will spare you this time, because I know how hard it is, what I’m asking you to do.”

“We almost lost him.”

“But we didn’t, and let’s try and focus on that.”

“Never… never have I even come close to losing one of you… but this? How did I miss this?”

“We all missed it Shishwhammy. Because we only saw what Tango wanted us to see, and because none of us can read minds.”

“What kind of admin…”

“The best.” He growled pushing the voidwalker out of his shoulder to stare him down with hard eyes. “The best admin any of us could ever have wished for.”

“But…”

“No buts Shishwham. Do you honestly think any of us would prefer anyone else? You have heard their stories… you know what some of them came from… would you prefer Grian going back to being abused… would you prefer to hand us over to an anarchist like where Falsie came from? Or a dictatorship like Mumbo’s home, that imposes stricter and stricter rules on not just their hybrids, but their redstoner’s as well? You ask what kind of admin Xisuma… I reply the best admin, because that is what you are. You love us and care for us, and don’t care what we are or where we have come from. I will not hear anything further on this.”

There was a sigh from the other man and suddenly he had his arms full of exhausted voidwalker; Xisuma’s head getting buried against his chest; his admin’s greying hair hanging limply from where it had been stuck under his helmet for almost twenty-four hours.

“Come on sweetface, let me run you a hot bath and get you a change of sleepy wear and then you and I are going to eat and then snuggle. You said yourself earlier that Tango is safe, there is nothing now that cannot wait until you’ve had rest.

“I’ve just put Gem to bed.”

“Good.”

“I should make sure…”

“You need sleep Shishwhammy.”

“What if they need me? I have already missed so much… I can’t.” Keralis sighed and grudgingly admitted that perhaps he had a point. He wasn’t oblivious to the fact that he’d kept them both hidden away for the best part of the passage already. He knew that the rest of the hermits needed their admin as much as their admin needed sleep.

“A bath, food and a change of comfy clothes Shishwham, then we see about the rest of our sweetfaces. But let me take care of you first. We agreed that back in the season, didn’t we? That in order to look after others we need to take care of ourselves as well.” There was a long pause, and he wondered, not for the first time, what was going through his voidwalker’s head, before Xisuma eventually nodded, another sigh escaping him. “Thank you princess.”

It took minimal effort, after that, to get Xisuma to comply. He ran a hot bath and threw in a handful of chorus salts, allowing the scent to permeate the small bathroom; carried on the steam rising from the hot water.  As soon as he was sure that his admin was soaking in the bath, he quickly changed his bedding, and dug out a pair of the voidwalker’s softest sweatpants as well as one of his numerous band t-shirts and a pair of thick socks and left them on top of the clean sheets.

“I’m just going to the galley for some food Shishwham.” He called softly through the bathroom door, giving it a light knock. “I’ve left you some comfy clothes out and will be back in twenty minutes.” There was a noise of acknowledgement from his admin and that was good enough for him to leave in search of both food and Hermits.

He knew that Xisuma needed the company…

The first person he found was Bdubs, leaving the dining room with bloodshot eyes and dark circles; clutching onto Etho’s arm like a lifeline and the pair paused when they saw him, Bdubs stumbling slightly in his exhaustion, relying on Etho to catch him before he fell flat on his face. Etho himself looked just as exhausted; dark circles under his worried eyes, and his hands shaking slightly as he steadied the smaller man. Keralis wasted no time in opening his arms to allow Bdubs to rush into them and bury his head into his chest; his shoulders shaking as he was wracked with heavy sobs.

“I’m so sorry Bubbles.” He whispered; running his hand through his friend’s hair and rubbing his back soothingly. “I wanted to keep Shishwham safe, and in doing so I messed up. I hoarded him away from everyone to keep him safe from himself, and now this… I’m sorry sweetface.” Bdubs made a noise in the back of his throat and Keralis could do nothing but wrap his arms tighter around him, hushing him gently.

“Keralis… how’s Tango doing?” Etho sounded so lost in that moment that Keralis wanted to have a good cry himself. Etho, who had been everywhere and seen almost everything… the almost God amongst them…

“He’s in medical being watched over by Doc and monitored by both him and Shishwham, he’s doing okay, thanks to you and Ren.” Etho nodded and stepped back slightly; scratching his thumbnails across the pads of his fingers, and looking increasingly unsure of himself.

“I’m not sure I’m really up for a get together.” He explained. “I need to be alone… for a bit… can you look after Bdubs, and tell X I’m sorry?”

“Etho…”

“I’m sorry.” Without another word the white-haired man fled, leaving Keralis stood outside the dining hall with his arms full of an increasingly upset Bdubs, and his heart aching for the damage that had been wrought over the last few days.

“Come on bubbles, I need to get food for Shishwham.” He ushered his friend into the dining hall and stopped short at the door when he saw just how many Hermits were gathered in the large space, all of whom halted their hushed conversations to stare at him, and he felt Bdubs cringe back into his shoulder.

“Give him to me K.” Beef said softly; standing up and approaching them both. “I’ll look after him.”

“I need food and hermits for Shishwham… sleepies and cuddles at his place in twenty minutes… is that okay?” He replied; handing Bdubs over, who just leaned into Beef’s chest and accepted the all-encompassing hug that the larger man offered.

“Leave it to us K…” Came Cleo’s voice as she and Joe also made their approach. “You sort both you and X some food and we’ll see you up there in a bit.”

“Etho took off.” He whispered to Beef; whose eyes grew even more solemn. “Said he needed to be alone… can you check on him?” The large man nodded before ushering Bdubs to a table that was already occupied with Scar and Cub, the three of them talking quietly to the smallest member of the nHo, who slowly started to calm down in their presence.

Keralis turned his attention to the counter, mustering up a weak smile for Stress who was on cooking duty and who gave him an equally sad smile in return, before quickly making up two plates of food for him and their admin and passing them over; wrapped in foil to keep warm.

“I’ll be up as soon as I’ve cleaned down luv.” She said softly; giving his hands a squeeze as he took the plates from her. “You just look after him till we get there, yeah?” Keralis nodded and thanked her quietly before turning to leave.

“We’ll get everyone together.” Cleo said softly; when Keralis found her and Joe blocking his exit, “But you take False up with you as you go, she’s been worried for him… well we all have but…” He nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. “I’m not going to lecture K, because that’s the last thing you need on your plate right now, but we will be having a talk soon, about the understanding I thought we’d come to in the Season… about letting us help.”

“I am sorry.” He whispered. “Shishwhammy…”

“We know K…” Was the zombie hybrid’s soft response. “We know… it’s just… we’ve been scared.”

He understood…

Completely…

But it wasn’t as simple as that…

Xisuma had been almost manically checking Ren’s code before the hybrid woke up, barely allowing himself enough time to eat, or sleep, or even breathe…

Then Ren had woken up, and it was the best thing ever, until the terrifying pains, and the confusion, and then Impulse and void below… Tango…

He’d been scared…

He’d woken up to alarms and confusion, and Xisuma’s panic, and Ren, passed out in several Hermit’s arms, and Doc; barely able to stand…

“Go and see him Keralis.” Cleo said softly. “Go look after him. We’ll be there soon.”

He needed no more justification than that to flee the dining hall, heading straight for his admin’s cabin as tears started to sting his eyes.

The truth was that, he was scared…

He was terrified…

And the worst part about it all, was that he wasn’t allowed to be, not if his job was to keep his admin from overworking himself… not if his job was to look after the one person who looked after everyone else.

Xisuma’s sanity and mental wellbeing rested on his shoulders…

Fear wasn’t an emotion he could afford.

Chapter Text

False wasn’t sure how much of what had been said in the dining hall, had been comprehended by Keralis… that was… if he’d even heard them at all, but she was positive that he had no idea that she was following him back to their admin’s cabin, watching him sway dangerously as he staggered back through the ship.

As soon as she’d seen him enter the dining hall; struggling to hold up Bdubs, and with a vacant glaze to his large eyes, she knew that he was just about dead on his feet; functioning on autopilot more than anything else; no doubt his head, filled with thoughts of his Shishwhammy, and only his Shishwhammy.

False hadn’t seen X since the day they’d woken up…

Barely anybody had seen X since the agonising hour they’d climbed out of their stasis pods, each with their own brand-new traumas and nightmares to keep them company in the wake of the void left by their admin.

Keralis looked as though he’d had as little sleep as she guessed X had, and if this was the state he was in…

She shook off the thought as quickly as it came. She would see Xisuma for herself in a matter of minutes… that was… as long as Keralis got them to the man’s cabin.

He was currently stood outside Joe’s, looking confused as he tried and failed to gain entry with his comms set; his eyes focusing in and out on Joe’s name tag on the door. She heard him giggle of all things and mutter a watery ‘silly K’ to himself before he set off again, further down the corridor, seemingly unaware that they were on the wrong deck for Xisuma’s cabin.

The man’s behaviour wasn’t doing anything for the growing fear in her gut.

They finally made it to their admin’s cabin and Keralis seemed to shatter in front of her, leaning his head on the door as his shoulders shook. She watched for a second, not knowing how to react, as she knew that he was still totally unaware of her being there, and the last thing she wanted to do was to scare him, but before she could decide; he visibly pulled himself together with a sniffle, lifting his head from the door and wiping his eyes on his sleeve before plastering a smile on his face and opening the door with a bright and loud ‘I’m back Shishwhammy!’

She stood there for a second more, attempting to process what she had just witnessed, and as the door started to swing back to, she rushed forwards and caught it with her foot, slipping in to her admin’s private space, and stopping short at the scene in front of her.

Xisuma had quite obviously just stepped out of the bathroom, and luckily had already pulled on his sleep pants before she had intruded, but he’d yet to pull on his t-shirt, and the image of his ribs, sticking so prominently out of his heavily scarred chest was something she had not been prepared to see.

The man looked exhausted, half-starved and… frail…

That thought horrified her.

“False?” Despite everything, he hadn’t missed her presence in the room, and he quickly pulled on his top as she realised that she had been staring. “Keralis, could you grab me a clean, damp cloth?” The other man looked startled, but quickly nodded and darted into the bathroom as her admin slowly made his way towards her; his hands raised and his eyes searching her face for something she couldn’t comprehend. “You’re crying.” Was his soft explanation, eventually finding confusion above all else in her expression, and she lifted her hand to her cheek to find that he was indeed correct. “What’s wrong?”

There were so many things…

So many things wrong with what had happened, what was still happening, what she was seeing in front of her, and what she had heard her fellow hermits talking quietly about.

There were so many things wrong, that she feared nothing would ever be right again and she shook her head, bringing her hand to her mouth to try and stop herself from word vomiting all over her admin… her friend…

It took all of three seconds for him to wrap her into a hug and she felt guilt wash over her at the fact that even though he was obviously dead on his feet, he was still sacrificing himself for her sake.

“I’m so sorry X.” She whispered when she eventually pulled herself together enough to return his hug.

“It’s okay.” Was his calm and steady response, which she clung to desperately as if it were a life buoy, and she were adrift at sea.

It was a good analogy for what she was feeling in that moment, as waves of emotions crashed over her; grief… fatigue… guilt…

She’d heard the whispers… snippets of conversations over the past few days that left her heart aching for her friends, and after the damn simulation, and everything that had gone down before the world had ended, it was safe to say that her emotions had been scraped raw.

She’d not slept well since waking up in her pod; her concern for Ren in those first few days, overshadowing everything else, but now that he was awake and in Doc’s care, it had left her thoughts and worries turning to other darker topics… like the fact that Etho had sprinted past her in the early hours of the morning, white-faced and wide-eyed, muttering about who she could only imagine was Tango…

He'd been wearing a haunted expression at lunch, though clearly trying to keep some sort of façade up for Bdubs’s sake, who had all but suffered a breakdown in the middle of the dining hall.

Ironically, it was now Ren who she was concerned for the least.

Doc would troop through fire, blizzard or nuclear fallout if he had to, just to get back to Ren, and knowing that her best friend had the overprotective creeper cyborg looking over him comforted her fears. If she trusted anyone to have Ren’s best interests at heart, she trusted Doc.

“You feeling better?” Xisuma asked her softly; running his hand over her hair, and she realised with a blush that she still had her face buried into his neck; the smell of chorus petals and something just Xisuma-like wafting up from his still warm skin.

“Sorry.” She grimaced; pulling back from him and wiping the remains of her tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. “Yeah… thanks X, I just needed a minute.”

“Want to talk about it?” He offered; his exhausted eyes open and looking at her as intently as they were able when the man they belonged to had been denying them their rest. He passed her the damp cloth that Keralis had retrieved from the bathroom and after silently asking her permission, ran it over her eyes and cheeks before handing it to her with a soft smile.

“Thanks X but… I think it just hit me… how hard these last few weeks have been.” She replied; trying desperately not allow her eyes to dart towards Keralis. “I just…”

“You needed a minute.” He finished for her when she trailed off.

“Sorry for intruding on your lunch… and for not knocking… I followed Keralis up the stairs and well…”

“You did?” Keralis’s voice was small, and shaky and False wanted to burst into tears all over again; her usual composure thrown straight out of the window, her own façade shattered like a pane of glass; laying about her feet in ragged shards.

“Yeah, you seemed pretty out of it, did you not hear Cleo tell you that I was coming up with you?” His confused head shake pulled her chest, even tighter, and Xisuma must have read it in her posture because his response was a waved of with a ‘it doesn’t matter’ and a smile that she supposed was meant to be disarming. “The others are coming up later, so how about you both eat and I’ll wait for them down in the common room?”

“Don’t be silly sweetface.” Was Keralis’s soft response. “Come sit with us. You can braid Shishwhammy’s hair for sleep and we can chat.” That seemed to be the end of things as both Xisuma and Keralis headed for the bed; the tray of food she’d watched Stress make up, getting unwrapped.

Stress thought of everything she noted with faint amusement, as a steaming bowl of rabbit and sausage stew, with potatoes appeared for Keralis, and a plate filled with steamed rice, chorus fruit dumplings and a sticky sauce was prepared for Xisuma.

Three, thick slices of Doc’s chocolate cake were also present on the tray, and she felt warmth fill her as Xisuma handed her a plate and a fork; the smell of warm cocoa, covering her like a warm blanket.

“How has everyone been holding up?” Xisuma’s small question was both startling and exactly what she expected from her admin in equal amounts, as the voidwalker climbed onto the bed and crossed his legs in front of him; balancing his plate on his lap.

“Not great.” She admitted truthfully, knowing that lying to her admin was something she was unable to do. “But no one has been alone… I mean, Ren has had Doc; the Boatem crew have been joined by Cub; Iskall, Stress and I have been together; Beef and Etho have been watching over Bdubs; and Joe and Cleo seem to have all but adopted everyone else. It hasn’t been easy, and we have so many questions, but we have it handled… even in the loosest sense… it’s been hard X… but we’re all still here, and we’re safe and that’s the main thing… right?”

The guilt and pride that had filled her admin’s expression had her pulling him into a sideways hug; knowing that the man had worked himself half to death in order to keep them safe, and in doing so had almost destroyed himself.

She knew the barest details about where he came from, but enough to know that his code diving and obsessive stat checks were his way of caring for those he loved. He didn’t know much different, and though she knew that Keralis had tried, it was obvious that he had let himself get lost in the layers of code that made up their player data... especially after what had happened to Ren.

“Eat X…” She admonished gently, pulling back and gesturing at his plate. “We’re okay, we’re coping and we’re all safe. You can take a break for now.” He nodded and returned to his food; finishing it quickly and muttering a small prayer over the empty plate before switching it out for a slice of cake. “Cleo and Joe will be here in ten, so would you mind if I get changed in your bathroom and start to lay out some blankets and pillows?”

“Yeah… that’s fine.” Was his flat response, and she knew that he was still thinking over her words, her admittances.

It was better that he found out from her, than him finding out when over a dozen exhausted Hermits, turned up at his door.

The truth was that they were all still here, that they were all still alive, and that they were together, which in that moment, after what had happened… was all she could ask for.

Chapter Text

Tango woke with confusion, guilt and, most of all; warmth.

Warmth that he couldn’t stamp out, no matter how much he wished to… no matter how much he tried.

Warmth; returned to him in the night by Ren and Etho, who had absolutely no idea just how volatile they had made him… how dangerous.

The first coherent thought that parsed through his brain, was that wherever he was… he wasn’t alone… which honestly, was a whole new brand of bloodcurdling, given that he felt as weak as a kit, and didn’t think that he was going anywhere under his own steam for a while.

It would be too easy for him to hurt someone… too easy for him to lose control, given his governance over his own feelings was currently tenuous at best.

The image of Zedaph’s burnt hand, and scared flinch, made his chest hurt to the point that it made it difficult to breathe.

He couldn’t hurt anyone else…

But wasn’t that, exactly what had happened?

Ren and Etho…

Void, would he give anything to erase the memories from the past twenty-four hours.

He had caused that…

He had caused the fear in Etho, the absolute devastation in Ren.

He wanted nothing more than to rewind to before he’d lost control in the infirmary, to before his life had turned to one giant shit.

He’d hurt Zedaph… he’d tried and, more importantly failed to hurt Skizz… because that is what it came down to, wasn’t it? He was still angry… still furious at the fact that Skizz had all but disappeared and let them stew in their own trauma, after the events of the apocalypse… left him to look aftr Impulse, who in turn was too busy looking after Zed to do anything to help himself.  It had all fallen on his shoulders, and the fact that all Tango had achieved was to completely and utterly breakdown instead of being there for those who needed him…

He wished he’d made a bigger dent in Skizz’s face.

The fact that his fury had yet to disappear, to dissipate was what made the warmth in his core so terrifying.

It would be too easy…

“Are you awake my brother?”

Of course Ren was there… of all people…

“Tango… I don’t know if you’re awake to hear this my dude, but I can’t sit here with this on my chest, if I have even the smallest chance of being able to tell you… to get through to you…”

Ren was crying… Ren was crying over him…

All he did was hurt.

“Last night… when I thought we were losing you… when I thought that Etho and I… that we wouldn’t be able to warm you up in time… I think I was the most scared I’ve ever been… You look at yourself, at your flames, at your temper, and all you see in yourself is danger… you have managed to convince yourself that you are nothing more than a threat…”

The dog hybrid trailed off with a wet sniffle and Tango wanted so desperately to open his eyes… to apologise for making him cry…

“But you know what I see?” Ren continued after a moment of pulling himself back together. “What we all see when we look at you? We see kindness, and passion, and yes warmth, but in the same way that a fireplace glows in winter. I have never told you… but when I first joined the server… I was so nervous… I knew that a few of us were going to be there from Kingdomcraft but… I was scared that I wouldn’t fit in with the rest of the Hermits… that I was too geeky… that my interests were too obscure. I remember the night you invited me to your DnD game… it was the first time I’d ever ben invited to anything that wasn’t a server event… such a huge kindness from someone who hardly knew me, and who barely owed me his time, never mind his notice… I don’t know if you ever knew how much it meant that you would go out of your way… shit dude… losing you… especially like this… I don’t know if I would ever forgive myself.”

There was a full-on sob from the hybrid, and Tango felt the moment that the bed dipped; finally forcing his eyes open to see Ren crying into his hands, leaning on the bed and with his long hair hanging over his face.

“t’s ‘kay…” He slurred; lifting his hand from where it had been resting on Impulse’s chest, to tuck Ren’s hair behind his ears. The man looked up sharply at him; relief colouring his face, and he let his hand fall back onto the sheets and tucked it into his own chest; exhausted from the effort it had taken him, and realising with a sharp pain that Ren, understandably, might not have wanted his hands anywhere near him. “S’rry.”

“Dude you’re awake. Hang on, I promised that I would get Doc.”

And just like that, he was suddenly gone from the bedside; scampering away towards the doors of the hospital, and Tango felt his heart tug at the sight. Realistically he knew that Ren wasn’t running away from him… but the little voice in the back of his head, the one that liked to whisper poisonous things into his ears…

He felt his breathing pick up…

There was movement from beneath him, and the reminder that he wasn’t alone, slammed into him with an Impulse sounding ‘Tango?’

He tried so hard, he really did, but he couldn’t keep in the sob that was ripped out of his chest by unseen hands, nor could he stop crying once he’d started. His breaths burned in his lungs, and he felt his hands start to heat up at his rush of emotions.

He frantically threw himself from the bed; landing onto the tiled floor with a painful thump, and rolling as far away from it as possible, hitting the wall just in time for flames to start to lick at his fingers; as his body’s last defence mechanism kicked in…

He was dangerous…

Why had anyone thought it a good idea to let him live amongst the Hermits, knowing that he could so easily be the cause for their eradication?

He wasn’t like Doc…

Doc couldn’t explode, no matter how much he tried…

Tango however, he couldn’t not burn…

He felt his fire erupt from him violently, and he let out a scream in both frustration and terror…

He was going to end up killing someone…

Why couldn’t they have just let him die?

Chapter Text

Skizz woke up with a start as he felt a hot hand push painfully into his stomach, and his mind cleared itself just in time for him to see Tango practically throw himself onto the floor and scrabble away from the bed; evidently having used Skizz as a launching pad. He swallowed heavily at Tango’s face; ghastly white, streaked with black soot from where he had been crying, and his eyes; wide open and terrified.

He sat up and grabbed Impulse’s shoulder just in time to stop his brother from racing towards a burning Netherborn…

Because Tango was burning…

Flames were licking the walls, black scorch marks climbing higher on the white panels that made up the internal structure of the hospital wing…

Skizz chugged a fire resist before he’d even had a chance to think about what he was going to do. He just knew that leaving Tango alone right then, was not an option.

“Skizz.” Impulse’s whispered warning came as he was climbing down onto the floor, staying on his knees so that he at least looked less intimidating. Ren had promised to stay with them so where in the void was he?

“It’s okay,” Was his shaky response, though he wasn’t sure whether he meant it for Impulse, himself or Tango…

Tango, who looked in that minute so scared and alone that it broke Skizz’s heart. “It’s okay.” He repeated, firmer this time and whilst looking straight into Tango’s eyes. “You’re not going to hurt me Top, and you know that I would never hurt you. I have a fire resist… can I hug you?” The Netherborn didn’t seem to have registered Skizz’s question, and he warred with himself for a moment, before deciding that touching Tango and potentially setting him off was better than not touching him and leaving him looking so… isolated. “I’m going to move towards you and then I’m going to hug you… okay Top?”

Skizz moved forwards as slowly as he could, his hands held up in what he hoped was a placating gesture, a signal to the terrified Tango that he wasn’t going to hurt him, and soon they were sitting less than a hand apart; Tango’s breathing sounding horribly painful and fast… panicked…

“You’re not going to hurt me brother.” Skizz repeated, hoping that his words somehow made it through. “And I’m not going to hurt you.” He leaned forwards and slowly pulled his friend into a firm hug; not allowing Tango the room to even struggle… not that he thought the man could, given the fact that he felt like jelly in his arms; going boneless with a wordless cry, different to the screaming he’d been doing when Skizz had first woken up…

He sounded like a wounded animal… too exhausted to fight or to flee but still petrified…

“It’s okay buddy… I have you.” Warm flames licked over his skin, harmlessly as he pulled his friend in for a closer hug; cradling him to his chest and smoothing his hair back with a hand.

They both started when a glass bottle smashed next to them, and Zed’s guilty face and the cool wash of another fire resist told him exactly what had happened.

He nodded at the younger blond before turning his attention back to Tango, who was still shaking badly; his breathing reaching new levels of too fast.

“I need you to breathe Top.” Skizz whispered softly. “You’re going to pass out at this rate… do you think you can follow me?”

“G’way.” Came the panicked, only half coherent response, along with a weak push on his chest from the Netherborn. “Hurt.”

“You are not going to hurt me.” He repeated, because he knew Tango’s brain was taking him down that very road. “I have you brother, I have both of us, it’s okay.” He tightened his hold again and picked the Netherborn clear off the floor; ignoring the weak struggles and slurred protests as he carried him over to the bed… a bed that was now soaked in fire resist and had almost double the number of blankets as before; all configured into something resembling a nest. The cool mint and sea salt scent of the potion seemed to calm something in the back of Tango’s mind, or perhaps he was just too exhausted to fight anymore, but his body relaxed almost as soon as Skizz set him down; his flames starting to die down once more and his harsh sobs turning into whimpers as he curled in on himself; his now visible tail; wrapping itself around his arm.

Skizz took a second to contemplate the fact that Tango’s body was so exhausted that the runes that usually kept his hybrid features hidden were failing.

He hadn’t seen Tango’s Nether form in months…

His blonde curls had brightened to almost yellow at the tips and darkened to orange at their roots, his ears had elongated to sharp points, his long thin tail; tipped in a small tuft of fur was winding itself tighter and tighter around his own wrist and Skizz knew that if the smaller man’s head wasn’t buried deep between his knees, that he would see the changes to Tango’s face as well.

“Top?” He prompted gently; brushing Tango’s hair with his hand; extracting a small cry and a harsh flinch from him. “I’m not going to hurt you, and you aren’t going to hurt me.” He promised for a third time. “I’m going to hug you before you get too cold, okay buddy?”

He didn’t wait for a response because in truth he didn’t believe that he would get one, and instead climbed into the makeshift nest and pulled the Netherborn towards him; nodding at Impulse who climbed onto the bed opposite him and also reached out to their brother; repeating Skizz’s brushing of Tango’s hair with his hand.

They were interrupted by Zedaph, who instead of settling back down next to Skizz; climbed over him. He knelt for a second above Tango before something passed over his face and, soon he was elbowing Impulse out of the way and burying himself beneath the Netherborn. Skizz knew what he wanted, and helped to position Tango on his chest, allowing Zed to tuck his head beneath his chin; ignoring all of Tango’s unhappy noises and weak protests.

It took all of two minutes for Tango to run out of energy once more, and soon Skizz was the only one on the bed who wasn’t back asleep. Instead, he worked on softly massaging the back of Tango’s neck; allowing his mind to wander back to the events of the last two days.

The old miner’s assurances that he had turned up at exactly the moment he was needed, were starting to sound emptier in his head.

How could he believe that he hadn’t been needed… seriously needed before now?

How could he believe that his friends had honestly been better off without him here?

He was now experiencing the consequences of his absence, and he vowed to himself that if not for Season Nine, then he would petition Xisuma to allow him to join for Season Ten, no matter how many times he had to cajole, complain or bug the Voidwalker.

He couldn’t let another incident like this to happen…

Twice was enough…

First his Dippledop, and now Tango…

Tango who was one of the smartest, strongest people he knew…

Tango; who was too hard on himself ninety percent of the time, and too cavalier about his own wellbeing and safety for the other ten percent.

Perhaps he should have seen this coming…

Perhaps his friends had spent too much time with a totem in their hotbars and a complete lack of self-preservation.

He heard the doors to the wing open and looked up as Ren reappeared with an exhausted Doc in tow; the dog hybrid’s eyes finding his own instantaneously; widening in worry and surprise.

“What happened?” Was Doc’s soft question as he reached into their huddle to take Tango’s pulse, and Skizz realised with a start that disassociation was kicking in, swearing that the pair had been at the door only a second ago.

“He woke up, freaked out, launched himself off the bed, went up in flames, runes failed, and now he’s passed out. We soaked everything in fire resist, but I don’t know if he is able to comprehend the fact that he is in no danger of hurting us… or of us hurting him for that matter.” He looked up at Ren when the man let out a high whine from the back of his throat and his heart went out to the hybrid, who had sat with Tango all through the previous afternoon, and who had been there for the trip down to engineering.

He remembered how scared, how tired and how utterly exhausted the other man had looked during the night and the guilt that had been worming its way into his chest ever since Xisuma had landed him on ship; tightened its icy coils around his heart and lungs.

He had failed his friends…

He had failed Tango…

He couldn’t afford to fail them again… not if failing them meant running the risk of losing them to their selves.

Suicide wasn’t an option he was going to allow them… even if it meant not letting them out of his sight ever again.

“Skizz?” He hummed and looked up at Ren who was glancing worriedly at him. “Doc asked if he’d said anything, or if any of you were hurt.”

“Sorry.” He whispered with a swallow. “He didn’t say much, just was scared that he would hurt us… we’re all fine… I think.” Ren’s face turned even more concerned at that and something passed between the two hybrids that Skizz couldn’t even try to comprehend.

“You are looking kind of spacey dude.” Ren replied after whatever silent conversation he’d been having with Doc was over. “How about you get some more sleep and we’ll have dinner here, ready for the six of us in a couple of hours?”

Had he really slept all day?

His stomach rumbled and he realised that he certainly hadn’t eaten since arriving…

Food sounded good… normal… just a normal activity to do with friends that didn’t involve anyone getting hurt, or trying to hurt themselves, or anything getting out of hand…

He could do a couple more hours of sleep then food. 

“Can you find Kevin for me?” He rumbled as his eyes started to slip closed, and he barely heard Doc’s answer of ‘He’s been looked after.’ before allowing sleep to claim him.

Chapter Text

Gem woke up to humming and a hand carding through her hair… usually it was her humming to people to try and calm them, but she could admit that this felt nice as she snuggled further into her pillow.

“Are you awake?”

She vaguely remembered Xisuma telling her that he would get Pearl to come and check on her, and she silently thanked her over protective admin for his forethought and care.

She hummed in response to Pearl’s question and was rewarded with the other woman climbing into bed with her; pushing her further towards the wall before wrapping her in a hug.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there… at the end.” Pearl whispered. “We said that we’d stick together for our first season, and I didn’t follow through on my promise. I’m sorry Gem.”

“It’s okay.” She slurred; blinking sleep out of her eyes as her brain clawed itself further into consciousness. “It was as much my fault as yours… things just sort of… happened.” There were minutes of silence stretching before them, and Gem found she couldn’t not break it.

“Tango tried to kill himself.” She whispered into the still of the room. “He doused his core after accidentally burning Zedaph yesterday, and now he’s in the hospital wing and I have failed to keep him safe from himself… I know that you’re going to say the same as Xisuma and tell me that it wasn’t my responsibility to hold him up, but I should have at least noticed how badly he was struggling, if only to report it to someone… I failed to keep him safe.” Pearl had stayed silent throughout her little self-deprecating speech; an intake of breath being the only indication that she’d heard any of what Gem had said.

“It wasn’t your fault.” The avian said. “You’re right that it isn’t your responsibility to hold anyone up, and Xisuma was in his right to tell you off if that’s what he did. Your powers don’t define you any more than Tango’s powers define him, and this line of thinking is what got Impulse in such a mess on-world. You don’t have a responsibility to anyone but yourself Gem, and right now you’re failing at that if you’re allowing your mind to head in this direction.”

Silence fell between them once more as Gem chewed over her words. The thing was, that Pearl wasn’t saying anything that she hadn’t told herself a hundred times already, but it did little to lessen the knot of guilt in her stomach. She logically knew that she couldn’t hold everyone up, and she hadn’t even been trying to, until she realised how easily she could calm distressed Hermits down with a small hum and a brush of her powers. Then it had become addictive… knowing that she was helping her friends… knowing that she could… and perhaps she had come to understand just why Impulse was the way he was.

“You do understand what I said… don’t you?” Pearl prompted and she slowly nodded.

“I understand… it’s just… helping everyone has become sort of my thing…” She replied back. “And I know that no one expects it of me, and I know that no one would resent me if I never used my powers again, but I would feel like I’m doing both myself and my friends a disservice if I didn’t even try, and in the times that I get it wrong, it’s going to hurt Pearl, whether anyone wants it to or not. I’m not saying that it’s any healthier than what Xisuma or Impulse do, but I can’t help it, no matter how much I seem to try.”

“I understand.” Pearl said just as quickly. “I really do… and for the record I do think that right now at least; it is healthier than X and Impulse… you at least seem to be aware of what you are doing… as for understanding… I do… completely… do you not think that I want to take all of Grian’s hurt and trauma onto my own shoulders? To make what happened in the past better between us? Do you not think I wish that I had the ability to take away that pain, and those memories, and that if I had the power I wouldn’t even hesitate, so I totally get it… I understand… but I don’t want you to end up in the same state as X or Impulse, because in doing so it would mean that I’d lose you… or at least a part of you, because you would only end up sacrificing a part of yourself in the process.”

Gem let the silence stretch out, in truth because she didn’t quite know how to respond to that very truthful insight. She knew that something had happened between Pearl and Grian in the past… something that had kept the siblings apart for years and that had Grian wearing a face full of grief if anyone even mentioned their childhood.

“Do… do you want to talk about it?” She whispered… offering Pearl a lifeline, because she knew that the pair of them had been dancing around each other all season, and that it had only ended in hurt.

“Have you ever heard of Evo?” Was Pearl’s quiet question in response, and Gem felt her breath get punched out of her chest.

“I don’t know if there are many who haven’t.” She answered… “At least… not anyone who hasn’t done even the smallest amount of study.” She shivered as she recalled the stories that her brother had told her; his face full of warning. Evo had been the cursed server, its admin, kidnapped by the Watchers and held until eventually the entire world had dissolved in on itself with all of its players inside. It was a tragedy unique in its devastation, setting a precedent for any other server that wanted to follow in its footsteps… whispers that its members had messed around with something that was forbidden and it had been the admin that was left to pay the price for their crimes, forever left with the knowledge that it had been his hands that had destroyed his friends. The story of Xelqua was taught… as far as she knew to all children who came after…. A warning for those who become too arrogant in their decisions to ignore the warning of that which lives in the void.

She shifted to look at Pearl’s face, when the silence stretched a little too long between them.

“Are… are you trying to tell me what I think you’re trying to tell me?” She whispered.

“Grian did everything he could.” Pearl whispered. “He fought all the way to the portal that they dragged him to. I… I don’t really know what happened… but I woke up on my solo world… I didn’t know if anyone else had gotten out… not until I met Grian, Martyn, BigB and Jimmy again… where the others are… I really don’t know.”

Gen took a moment to process what she was hearing, her mind putting pieces together quicker than she could fully comprehend them.

“Are you telling me that Grian is Xelqua?” She asked. “Grian, who is attached to Mumbo’s hip, who plays endless pranks… who I sold to Impulse… Grian?”

“He isn’t one of them… he’s not a Watcher…” Pearl muttered; a small edge of defiance to her tone. “Not in any way that matters… he’s good Gem… he got out… they couldn’t control him… they couldn’t break him.”

“You didn’t even know if either of you were alive.” She whispered; horrified, her stomach tightening at the thought of losing Fwhip and not knowing whether he was okay or not… “You must have been so scared.”

“Not as scared as Grian was.” Pearl answered. “He thought that he’d killed us… they made him think that what happened to us was his fault… from what I’ve learnt from Xisuma; he crashed landed on the Hermitcraft server; his wings a bloodied mess, and screaming blue murder. I don’t know whether to be thankful that he remembers so little of what happened to him under their care.” Pearl spat the word out like it was poison, and Gem didn’t think she’d ever heard such hate from her friend before… not that she could blame her. “It took days before he could even look at me at the start of the season… how I even ended up on the server, I don’t know, as I know that it had to have been a unanimous decision. We have barely spoken, and I have no idea if he knew I was even alive, before I was recommended as an addition… The fact that this season… my first season with my brother was a complete simulation? It has hit us both hard.”

“How does the Life games you have played tie into this?” She asked; fully admitting that she had glossed over the fact that Grian had once lived amongst the Watchers. “Do they tie into this?”

“I don’t know…” Was her friend’s whisper. “Grian refuses to talk about them… everyone refuses to talk about them… I know that something happened between Impulse and Bdubs the first time… and then Bdubs and Tango… I know that huge parts of what Ren was going through last season was down to what happened the first time around… but whether they are involved is something Grian has kept to himself…”

“Ren seems to have had a better time of it, this time around at least… perhaps we should have made a point in checking on everyone after the games… I think part of what Tango did last night is tied to whatever happened in this new game you have just played.”

“They scare me.” Pearl admitted softly. “And it scares me even more to think that they have something to do with it.”

“I didn’t mean…”

“You haven’t said anything that I haven’t already considered myself.” Pearl said forcefully; damping the fire of regret that had lit in Gem’s stomach. “The fact of the matter is…. They could have had something to do with it… it is their sadistic style.”

A hush fell over them both once more, each of them lost in their own thoughts as they digested the idea of outside intervention into the games that had caused so many problems amongst them.

“What are you going to do now?” Pearl eventually asked.

“Eat something I suppose.” Was her answer. “Then I guess off to the hospital wing to go and visit everyone.”

“There is a rumour of a cuddle pile at X’s. Most of them are probably asleep already, but if you wanted to go and join… I doubt it would be a problem.”

“He and Keralis need the rest.” She vetoed with a shake of her head. “I won’t disturb.”

“We could go get food together?” It had come out as more of a question than she though Pearl had meant, but she nodded her agreement anyway and lightly pushed on her, an indication to let her out of her little bed nook, and together they brushed their hair and washed their faces of the tears that had fallen but remained unspoken of, and they went to dinner; feeling as though they were simultaneously oceans apart and yet closer together.

The information she had gained was something that she was never going to betray, but at the same time… it was information that she couldn’t just ignore… Grian was Xelqua… the Watchers had at least some influence over the Life games… Pearl was an Evolutionary… one of those who were said to have been lost to the void…

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there… at the end…” Pearl repeated her earlier apology. “I don’t do well with… server ending events… even simulated ones…”

Not that she ever would… but Gem couldn’t blame her in the slightest…

Chapter Text

Etho had always prided himself on remaining stoic… of not giving his true thoughts away, even when the situation was beyond dire…

He prided himself on the fact, that whatever his friends were going through, he could always be relied upon to avoid hysterics… managing to look at things with a calculating eye, without fluster, or feelings.

That didn’t mean he didn’t feel.

That didn’t mean that the last forty-eight hours hadn’t rubbed his emotions raw…

Watching Tango screeching like a dying animal, clawing at them to let him out of the vat of lava that he fully believed they were torturing him with… watching Bdubs fall apart in front of him; being unable to help in the face of his own spiralling panic…

He had remained stoic…

Right up until he hadn’t…

He felt like he was slowly being ripped apart… like his mask had been well and truly torn away from him, and left him bare-faced, naked and so very exposed.

He hugged himself tighter as he tried to even out his breathing, even against the stifling heat of the engine bay…

He was huddled against the same vat that he and Ren had dumped Tango into… feeling as though he should climb in himself, if only to experience what he’d put his friend through… if only to feel something…

He did feel…

Until he didn’t.

“Hey buddy.” He couldn’t look Beef in the eye… couldn’t see the damage he’d caused… the hurt…

He knew logically that he hadn’t caused it with his own two hands, but he’d hurt Tango, and that in turn had hurt the rest of their family… he also knew that a conversation with Doc over Ren was inevitable, and that was more hurt that he was going to cause, purely because he knew that he didn’t have the answers that Doc was going to be seeking… he had no idea how to help Ren… if he even could….

“Etho?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” He rasped; noting how hoarse his voice sounded even to himself. “I can’t keep pretending.”

“I know buddy.” Beef whispered; sitting down at the side of him and wrapping him into a hug; strong, suffocating, grounding… comforting. “But it’s just us here now, you don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I’m sorry I left Bdubs…”

“It’s okay. I left him too.” Etho had to look up at that, if only to try to read Beef’s thoughts. “He’s asleep in his bed, and I left him to come and make sure that you weren’t getting too much in your own head… thought you could use the company too.” He could find nothing other than calmness behind Beef’s eyes, and he leaned further against his friend; feeling exhausted all of a sudden. “It’s been a lot yeah?” Beef whispered; starting to play with his hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Doc… Ren… Tango… Impulse… what is it that you want me to say Beefers? So much hurt… so much fear… and Bdubs… I can’t even be there for him as everything we know falls apart… I can’t be there for any of them right now… I just… I feel like I keep doing more harm than good, because everyone expects me to have the answers, and I don’t… at least, not the answers they want to hear.”

“You’re talking about Ren with that last one, yes?” Beef asked gently, still calm… still steady. “Doc is worried about his phantom pains, and wants to know how to fix it… but you think that Ren’s body has already gotten too used to being two limbs down, and the only way to fix that is to re-amputate… does that sound about right?” Etho nodded, letting his head fall so that his face was once more covered by his hair. “You have a brilliant mind Etho… and so does Doc. Both of you can pick apart redstone and world mechanics in a way that most of our friends struggle to even comprehend. But sometimes, both of you miss the obvious, even when it is staring you right in the face.” With that Beef tucked two fingers under his masked chin and lifted his head so that he was once more looking into his friend’s calm, brown eyes. “Time Etho… Ren needs time, as does Tango, as does Bdubs, and Impulse and even Doc. Everyone wants things now, now, now… but with time comes healing, and rest, and rationality.”

“Doc’s fears aren’t irrational.” The words were out of his mouth before he could even stop them, and he winced back from Beef’s hands and wrapped his arms back around his knees; burying his face into them. “Doc… you know Doc… this stuff affects him more than it would most… because it’s stuff he’s already gone through. Losing his arm to Dinnerbone, although makes for a great story and he jokes about it now, we all know just how traumatic it was for him… and I tried Beefers… I tried so hard to help him keep what was left… but the phantom pains… his screams… the months that followed him losing it in the first place were the most scared I’d ever seen him… that was until this season… until everything happened with Ren… he’s watching his own pain reflected back at him from someone he loves… we all know these things happen, that sometimes a respawn goes wrong and we end up with a new scar… but this? I can’t go through this again… I can’t watch Doc go through this from the other side… he isn’t supposed to know how hard it was to watch Beef…”

“Etho stop.” Beef’s quiet command was accompanied by his large hands closing around his own, and he realised that he’d been picking at his nails throughout his spiralling thoughts; his hands now stained red where he’d drawn his own blood. Beef sighed softly and dug through his ever-present satchel, bringing out a bottle of water, gauze, a packet of plasters, some soothing balm and a spare pair of gloves.

Amongst everything that had happened with Tango and then Bdubs; Etho hadn’t even realised that he’d left his other ones on his bedside table.

Silence stretched between them as Beef cleaned him up, caringly dabbing at his sore nails with cream before wrapping them in plasters and slipping on the soft leather gloves; placing a kiss on each of his wrists after he was finished.

“I know that right now, everything seems wrong.” He said gently. “I know that right now, everyone’s stress is exacerbating your own, but none of what has happened is your fault buddy. It’s okay to not have all of the answers, it’s okay to have answers that others don’t want to hear… sometimes no answers are the correct ones, regardless of how hard we search for them. It is not your responsibility to help Ren. It’s not your responsibility to help Tango. It is absolutely not your responsibility to help Bdubs, or Doc… you are just one person Etho. One amazingly talented person, but a person nonetheless. Let the rest of us help before you go sacrificing your own mental health over this… you pile enough onto your own shoulders as it is.”

He didn’t quite know what to say in response to that, so he let out a sigh and leaned once more into Beef’s side; squeezing the man’s wrist in silent thanks. He felt wrung out… thin, lethargic and empty, but he knew that he wasn’t alone, and that Beef’s steady dependability would always be there to keep him on the straight and narrow.

“You up for moving?” His larger friend asked after a while, and it was in that moment that he realised just how hot it was down here, and how the metal floor had moved far beyond uncomfortable and was heading towards painful.

“I don’t know.” Was his honest answer. “I want to… but right now, apart from you; the heat, the floor…  they’re the only things keeping me grounded.”

“Then we’ll give it another ten minutes, but then I’m taking you up to bed.”

“Aren’t you going to Xisuma’s?”

“Are you going to Xisuma’s?” Beef threw back at him, and he fell silent as he tried to sort out his spiralling thoughts.

Did he want to be in the middle of a Hermit cuddle pile?

That was a distinct no.

Did he want his admin?

Absolutely yes.

“I want Xisuma.” He whispered, raising his eyes to his silent companion. “But I don’t know if I can cope being around everyone.”

“Why don’t we try, just for ten minutes at first, and then if you want to stay, we can, or we can go and have our own little cuddle pile in Bdubs’ room. How does that sound?”

He thought about it for a few seconds, trying to parse through his thoughts to examine how he felt about it, but in truth he was so exhausted that he couldn’t tell.

“Yeah… okay.”

“That’s my buddy.” Beef replied fondly; wrapping his arm back around and squeezing him further into his side.

Etho spent the next ten minutes running through a basic breathing exercise, knowing that it would further ground him, accompanied by small encouragements from Beef, until it was time for them to move.

“Thank you for coming after me Beefers.” He whispered as they got ready to climb the metal stairs; back up to the accommodation decks.

“Anytime buddy, you know that.”

Chapter Text

False looked up from her comms set as another knock sounded on Xisuma’s door, and cursed as the man beside her stirred in his sleep; where he was curled up in Keralis’s side. Hermits littered the floor of her admin’s cabin, all of them exhausted, all of them scared, and wrung out and… and lonely.

That was something she had come to realise within a couple of days of being out of the sim, that despite the fact that they were all together, everyone had been so focused on their friendship groups that they were lonely for the rest of their friends… that they were lonely for their admin. It hadn’t just been Ren’s situation, or Doc’s vigil over the medbay; Xisuma and Keralis had hidden themselves away too, and team ZIT had hardly left Zedaph’s cabin, and she was sure that Grian, Mumbo and Scar had been camping out at Cub’s…

They were social creatures, and after a world-ending event like nothing any of them had experienced before, they needed each other… all of them.

It was Grian who got up to open the door; only to reveal Etho; too pale, too tired, and looking small; leaning heavily against Beef, his good eye looking spaced out, even for him.

“Is there space for us?” Beef asked softly; glancing around the room, his eyes lingering on each group of dozing Hermits.

“Over here.” She looked down sharply as her admin spoke; not having realised that he had woken up completely. Beef chuckled and False could see why; between her, Xisuma and Keralis, her admin’s bed was a little full. She gave his ankle a squeeze though and slipped off the bed to go to Etho; taking his hand and leading him around the pile of bodies, pushing him down onto the bed; only for Xisuma to wrap a hand around his wrist and pull him down into a hug. “You’re thinking too loud my friend.” Her admin said sleepily, his arm draping over Etho’s waist. “Go to sleep.” False smiled and pulled the covers over the three of them; Keralis not having even stirred.

“Will he be okay staying there for now?” Beef asked softly; making her start slightly.

“Yeah, X will look after him.” False whispered back; feeling something like annoyance bubbling up in her stomach, over her admin’s complete disregard for himself.

“I need to go back to see how Bdubs is doing.” Beef defended guiltily. “I don’t want to leave him here on his own but…”

“He’s not on his own though.” Grian chipped in, having joined the pair of them. “We’re all here Beef, we’ll look after him.” False thought Beef looked unsure, but he nodded anyway, quietly slipping back out of the cabin. “Are you okay?”

He was looking at her with large eyes and a tilted head; his wings tucked tightly against his back… tense.

“I’m fine.” She lied. “Just tired still.” The young avian let out a noise of discontent, but nodded anyways, heading back to where he’d previously been curled up against Mumbo. He took a moment to settle before shooting her a pointed look and, knowing that he was giving her a hint she sighed and wandered over, squeezing herself between him, and a lightly snoring Scar.

“You sleep.” He mumbled, throwing an arm over her, “I’ll keep watch on X.” Her eyebrow rose as his eyes flashed purple but she settled down anyway, smiling to herself when Scar mumbled something intelligible before rolling over to snuggle into her side.

She managed to last half an hour before the tenth sigh escaped her chest. (Not that she’d been counting.)

“Can’t settle?” Grian asked softly from the side of her and she opened her eyes to see the young avian studying her face intently, and she averted her eyes as she felt the weight of his gaze settle over her, shaking her head in answer to his question. “Me neither… I feel like I could sleep for a month, but every time I close my eyes…”

“It’s not the moon.” She whispered. “At least… not this time… I have had dreams about it but…” She glanced over to the bed where she could see the lumps that were Xisuma, Keralis and Etho.

“You’re worried about them.” It was a statement, not a question but she nodded her head anyway. “You have known them longer than I have… what do you think they would say if any of them realised that you were losing sleep over them?”

“That they were fine, that I shouldn’t worry, that X has it all under control but… they would be lies G… they would lie to make me feel reassured, and all the while they would slowly continue to destroy themselves for nothing but their… I can’t even call it pride… I just… I can’t watch them continue to sacrifice themselves for us… especially X.” Grian hummed at her but didn’t attempt to allay her worries, instead she felt like she had answered something for him… an unasked question that he’d left hanging in the empty spaces between his initial query.

“What have you seen that we haven’t?” He eventually asked. “What have you witnessed that we’ve yet to discover?”

In an instant her mind showed her the images of Keralis breaking down at Xisuma’s door; earlier in the afternoon, the sight of their admin thin, exhausted and fragile; pulling on a t-shit to hide just how much weight he had lost. She saw Etho, sitting at lunch, an empty gaze, sore fingernails and dark circles around his eyes.

“They’re scared.” She whispered… “They’re so scared, and not one of them looks like they have slept more than an hour since we came out of stasis… Xisuma… he has the weight of a thousand worlds on his shoulders right now… and I feel like we’ve added fuel to a fire that has been smouldering for months… that we’ve thrown a bottle of lighter fluid on an already burning man… We shouldn’t be here Grian… not for our comfort at least… we should have done more to help ourselves…”

“She’s right.” Scar muttered from where his head was tucked into her other shoulder. “We should have caught what was happening between Impulse, Zed and Tango much sooner… it’s just a repeat of the scenario we had on world… the breakdown in communication between us all has once again been our undoing. We should have seen the signs in Impulse long he got to the stage that he did… we have been living close enough to him for the last nine months. All of us have failed to be there for each other, and now we’re expecting Xisuma to stand up and be our parent… again… we haven’t been fair.”

Grian hummed again and she could tell that the avian was figuring through things in his head, connecting dots that they had all collectively missed… he was good like that, she mused… quietly observant in a way most of them weren’t.

“What are you thinking G?” Scar asked; finally opening his eyes and flashing a smile at her before focusing on the smaller man.

“That we need a world… fast…” Was his answer. “That we need a fresh start and something to focus on before this cabin fever gets any worse… We’re not going to be able to replace bad with good until we are able to make new memories and no one is going to stop worrying about each other until were on a world with a spawn anchor and health regen.” She blinked as his eyes glowed purple for a split second, and she felt, rather than heard the ship’s engines kick in below them, and she darted a look over at the bed, but her admin remained blissfully unaware that the ship was no longer under whoever’s control it was supposed to be.

“You know that it’s a lot more than that G.” Scar mumbled; closing his eyes and settling down again; reaching an arm over her to squeeze the young man’s wrist. “But it’s a good start.”

“I have some calls I’m going to make later.” Grian mumbled in response. “Until then, we should move them.” He jerked his head towards the bed and False knew what he meant instantly. The ones who needed comfort the most were the ones getting comfort the least… tucked up on their own in a bed that was too small for all three of them.

She was moving before she knew it… shaking Cleo awake with a finger to her kips for quiet, before stepping over her and doing the same to Wels and Hypno, beckoning the three of them towards the bed.

“Give Xisuma to Grian and Scar.” She whispered to Cleo who, along with Hypno; gently scooped up their admin who gave nothing more than a discontented grumble in his sleep. “We’re giving Keralis to Joe, Cleo and Xb.” She whispered to Wels who nodded and helped her to move Keralis into Joe’s awaiting arms; Xb moving automatically over, but leaving space for Cleo to snuggle back into. “I’m taking Etho.” She said authoritatively, daring any of them to argue. “He’ll freak if he wakes up crowded, so make space for us by the wall, Scar, can you wake Cub for me?”

There was a flurry of movement for the next few minutes as they got the three figures from the bed tucked into the pile and snuggled and surrounded, and False felt better about the situation as she sandwiched Etho against the wall, padding out the gap with pillows and laying next to him as Cub took position by their legs; blocking her eyeline to the door. She rolled over slightly to make eye contact with Grian, who nodded at her with a pleased smile before going back to snuggling into Xisuma; using his large wings to cover both their admin, and Mumbo, who hadn’t even stirred through the few minutes of activity.

She rolled back over and slipped her hand into Etho’s; tucking her head into his shoulder and moving so that her toes were brushing his ankle, hoping that it was simultaneously enough contact to comfort him, and not too much that he would feel trapped when he woke.

This time, she managed to slip into something close to a doze; her hearing sharpening every time someone mumbled or whined in their sleep, and she hoped that this would be enough to start to heal the wounds that they had torn into each other.