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Life on Irk just got more exciting; General Miyuki recently replaced that boring Tallest Ham thanks to a recent growth spurt. In her inaugural speech, she announced plans of manifesting universal destiny by forming the Irken Armada. Soon, the empire would expand beyond Irk with promises of more opportunities for Irkens everywhere.
With such a bright future ahead, it was the perfect time for Irkens to head to the surface smeet centers and get extracted. One such Irken named Bea had waited her whole life for the ripe opportunity.
Bea wasn't exactly the most exciting irken. She never had any soldier training, she just lived her life working in candy factories. It wasn't the most favorable duty to the empire, but it was an important duty nonetheless. At the time, she had spent most of her time developing a new snack. The concept was simple: a sugar stick that could be licked and dipped into flavored powder. Not all her peers were fans, but enough liked the idea to start production soon.
As for her appearance, she was pretty compared to most irkens, but still gave off the impression of “average.” Her ruby eyes had long eyelashes that ended in slender curls. Her height wasn’t anything impressive, but it wasn’t disappointing either. No, the most noteworthy thing about her was the color of her scales. They had a soft minty tone to them, a lush color that was rare among irkens.
On that fateful day of hope in the empire, Bea went through the DNA extraction process. Other than the absurdly long queue, the experience didn’t take very long. She was simply strapped to a table where a slender mechanical arm pierced through her arm and drew a small vial of blood. One application of standard healing goo later and she was out the door.
That night, Bea gazed up at the mighty ruby ring of Irk, peacefully taking in its beauty. For once, she felt she had contributed something great to the empire. Soon, thanks to her, hundreds of thousands of new soldiers would be following Miyuki’s plans for world conquest. Some generals, some strategists, some pilots, some elites, perhaps some of them would be in that new position Miyuki announced. What was it called again? Oh yeah, invaders.
“Whatever you grow up to be,” she whispered to the ground, “I bet you’ll be the best of it.”
Well over a hundred years later, Bea was bored. She had grown at least a couple of feet since the day she got extracted and managed to earn the title of Candy Lord. Her life was now spent managing her candy shop Fizmeet's on Foodcourtia and making snacks catered towards the tallest. If there’s anything she would remember about Red and Purple, it would be their undying passion for snacks.
The day was a couple of nights before the next foodening. Bea sat in the backroom with a flash drive of the records of her offspring. Most irkens didn’t care about who their offspring were or what they did, but those who did had the option of ordering their records from the control brains in the smeeteries.
Bea got herself a large mug of blooloop brew and put the files in her computer, ready to see what her half clones have been up to. If any of them happened to be interesting, she would greet them with a nice little call and hopefully strike up a good conversation.
“My candylord, madam!” one of her smaller workers said, peering through the door. “There’s already another bulk delivery of lik-a-maids for today !”
“Go ask Lupis, he’s in charge while I’m in my private quarters,” she commanded.
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I’ll leave you to your privacy, my candylord.” The small factory worker gave a bow and shut the door again.
Bea sighed. “Now where were we?”
Out of the four hundred thousand irkens she helped make, most of them were living pretty average lives. The most common jobs among them were surprisingly diplomacy and unsurprisingly food service. Only a few hundred even trained to be a soldier and out of those only four ever became invaders.
“Invaders, eh?” she asked herself. “I’ll have to start with them first.”
The first was Zed, conceived with a navigator named Krud. He was a hardworking soldier with a passion for discovery. His passion was so great it earned him a position in Operation Impending Doom, which he sadly perished in. Apparently that Zim had incinerated him on the first day.
The second was Ramen, conceived with a scientist named Alka. He was more laid back, but very observant, the best skill for an invader. He was also accepted into Operation Impending Doom and killed by Zim, but unlike Zed, he was burned with acid.
The third was Tenn, conceived with an announcer named Flora. She was thankfully still alive, but her mission on Meekrob was failing at the moment. It was going so poorly, her base wasn’t even accessible. Bea looked into what was going on, tightly gripping her mug with worry. She was supposed to be given a mech to assist her, but a vengeful screwhead caused her to get a package of defective SIR units addressed to...Zim. Of course.
Bea cursed that horrible screwhead under her breath and moved on to the last invader. She clutched her heart and nearly dropped her blooloop in shock. Tears stung the edges of her rapidly blinking eyes.
Invader number four was none other than that demon Zim, conceived with an inventor named Sam. He was supposed to be serving on Foodcourtia in that restaurant next to Bea’s, but he was currently exiled on an odd planet called Earth.
Bea was now having trouble breathing. Out of all the irken females, she never imagined she would be the one to blame for making that awful creature. She and this Doctor Sam who she never even heard of. She took a long swig and tried looking at this logically. Even if the body of Zim was never made, the PAK that is Zim would’ve still existed. There, it wasn’t her or this Sam’s fault, Zim was inevitable.
That being said, if anyone found out it was one of Bea’s genes that made him, her reputation would plummet. For that, she was hesitant to call him. She knew nothing about Zim personally, just the common sense that he destroyed everything he went near. However, her curiosity was on overdrive, forcing her to find out what Zim was doing and how he would handle seeing his mother. After all, it was obvious that he rarely came across anyone who remotely cared about him.
After making sure nobody was listening, she gave it a go.
“Master, we’re receiving a call from Foodcourtia!”
Zim groaned and looked up from his work-in-progress mosquito bomb. How was he supposed to focus on annihilating the human race with those horrible fry cooks threatening to enslave him again?
“Ngah, decline it! The last thing ZIM needs is being dragged back to,” Zim stopped and shuttered, “Shloogorgh's.”
Computer sighed. “It’s not from Schloogorgh’s.”
Zim perked back up. “Eh? Who wishes to contact Zim at this time?”
“The candylord of Fizmeet's, she just won’t stop calling!”
“Candylord? Fizmeet's?” Zim parted from his genius project and took the elevator down to the transmission room. He vaguely remembered passing that sickeningly sugary building whenever attempting to escape the hell of Schloogorgh’s. He never went inside, but he ordered his fair share of snacks from their online delivery service. He also recalled several of his fellow corporate slaves raving about how amazing it was after breaks; breaks that Zim never got the luxury of.
Sure enough, the screen was blaring with an incoming call from someone named Bea. Zim didn't like where this was going. He already had enough bad experiences with bees. Regardless, he answered.
The obnoxious call screen was replaced by a video feed of a tall, ruby-eyed irken female, presumably Bea. She was staring at the screen in anger.
“Zim,” she groaned, “I have…no words for you.”
Zim leaned back in his chair. “Yes yes, WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME? Zim needs no pity candy!”
Bea didn't even flinch. She just took a swig of whatever was in her mug and sighed. “You probably saw already, but I'm Bea. What you don't know is that I happen to be,” she drank from her mug again and shook her head hesitantly, “well biologically I'm your mother, Zim.”
Zim raised a nonexistent eyebrow. “Eh?”
Bea sighed. “I didn't choose to be, but out of all the bodies your PAK could've been attached to, it was one made with my genes.”
Zim just blankly stared her down, squinting his eyes in disbelief. No irken ever cared about families or who their parents were, why should Zim? Well, perhaps this Bea felt so proud to be related to Zim that she called to sing her undying praise. Yeah, that sounded right.
“So, BEA, it was your DNA that resulted in the amazing birth of Zim?”
“Well, only half of-”
“YOU MUST FEEL HONORED!”
Bea stared back, aghast. “Honored? Of making you?! Zim, throughout my life, every horrible disaster on Irk, every military tragedy, they were all YOUR fault! And now I have to live with the knowledge that I was one of your...creators!”
As Bea’s ranting went on, Zim found himself zoning out. He already heard every irken in the empire calling him the worst invader, why did he need another one? Instead, he reached into one of his snack stashes and obtained the greatest snack the empire had to offer: the lik-a-maid stick.
“And above that, I now- wait, is, that?” Bea recognized the snack he was eating right away, manifesting a small smile on her face. “I, oh my, you were the one who ordered all those exports.”
“Yeah, so?”
“I invented that snack, you know.”
Zim smirked deviously “Hm, that makes two genius creations. You must tell me your secrets!”
Bea rolled her eyes. “They wouldn’t exactly be secrets if I told them now, would they?”
A moment of silence lingered over them. Zim and Bea were now staring into each other’s eyes. Zim couldn’t help but ponder the resemblance of Bea’s eyes to his. Other than Bea’s eyelashes, the only difference between their eyes was how they wore them. Zim’s eyes were permanently sharp, perfect for striking fear into the eyes of his enemies. Bea’s on the other hand, even in her ranting, had a softer look to them. For an irken, seeing someone with such identical features was always such an uncanny experience.
Bea eventually broke the silence with a few coughs. “So, what do you do on this planet anyway?”
“Then they beat that Dib senseless and sang their undying PRAISE me like the fools they are!”
Another bout of laughter erupted from Bea. She was laughing so hard, she could barely sit straight at this point. “So, wait, hold on, you’re telling me only two of these hyu-mans could see through your disguise...”
“Uhuh!”
“But they believe in tooth stealing demons and this shrimp carrying platypus creature?”
“Exactly!”
This resulted in more snickering followed by a joyous outburst. Bea gave up on trying to support herself at this point and just let the laughter take her over. Zim couldn’t help but join her fits of laughter.
Bea’s laughs slowed into wheezes before she could control herself. “That is the, oh bloop, the stupidest thing I have ever heard!”
Zim slammed his fist against the desk in triumph. “But wait, there’s more! For I have discovered these meat-bags’ GREATEST WEAKNESS!”
“Mhm?”
“Just you wait, humanity won’t last another second after this next plan. For I, future ruler of Earth ZIM has discovered the deadliest creature on this pile of dirt! THE MIGHTY MOSQUI-”
Zim was suddenly cut off by some guy on Bea’s end walking in. Before Zim could make out who it was, Bea shuffled in front of the screen to block it.
The guy sounded confused. “Er, Bea, mam, you know we only have a few minutes left before this place opens.”
“Oh Splork, has it been that long?!” Bea replied. “Lupis, give me a second.”
“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm alright.” The sound of a door slamming followed.
Bea turned back around and grabbed the screen. “Well, I honestly didn’t picture that call lasting more than ten minutes, but there's still business to attend to.”
Zim leaned back and crossed his arms, still smiling. “Yeah, sure, whatever.”
Bea gave one last smile before hanging up. Zim kept sitting back, wondering what he just experienced. Yeah, he did just meet his mother, but that wasn’t what stuck with him. What stuck with him was how much attention she was giving him. Bea gave Zim a similar vibe to the tallest, listening to his plans with intrigue and sharing some good laughs with him. She didn’t have the same flare and status as the tallest, but her call had a much more personal feel to it.
Zim smiled to himself. He now had someone intelligent enough to gloat to when nobody else was around.
All those thoughts were put on hold when GIR suddenly ran into the room covered head to toe in seeds. “Who are ya talking to?!” he squeaked with enthusiasm.
Zim shrugged. “Eh, nobody important.”
“Aw, but you was smiling at her all big-eyed, like this!” GIR put his head in his hands and stared at Zim like a teenager would at her biggest idol. This gave Zim a closer look at GIR, revealing that the seeds were actually...
“GIR, WHY ARE YOU COVERED IN MOSQUITOS?!”
“They were all sad and hungry in that big can, SO I FREED THEM!”
Zim shrieked and smacked the robot away with a PAK arm. Unfortunately, that only angered the mosquitoes more. They all lunged onto Zim at once and took turns biting his skin. Zim yelled in pain and desperately rolled around on the floor in an attempt to get them off.
“Happy mother’s day, master!” GIR said with an adorable smile.