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Tony never focused too much on time passing, before Peter.
Things would move as they always did, and he was a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type guy anyway, so days blended together and drowned together and died together and he didn’t hardly notice any of it. Too much tequila, but no one was ever counting drinks, definitely not him.
Except Pepper was. Except Rhodey was. Except Tony could feel his mother’s gaze on him from beyond the grave, like an air of disappointment and fear would wrap him up like her lost embrace. He’d notice these things sometimes, amongst the hazy hours and piles of days. People noticing him. People caring. He didn’t deserve it so he blocked it out and continued on the path of destruction.
Sometimes, when he thinks back, he can barely remember any of it.
But Peter makes him value the moments. The seconds. The little in betweens. Peter discovering a rip in the couch that he may or may not have caused himself. Peter becoming obsessed with the number four to the point where he counted out fours of everything for an entire week. Peter seeing a dog for the first time in the park, a German shepherd bigger than him, and screaming at the top of his lungs before Tony had to physically drag him away. Peter discovering every inch of the world from the way a daisy grows in Pepper’s apartment to the shapes clouds make, and Tony would kill for a thousand lifetimes to watch the wonder in his eyes at everyone and everything.
There will never be enough time with his son. No amount of time is enough to take it all in, and when Peter’s third birthday starts approaching faster and faster, Tony feels like he wants to make a deal with the devil. He never cared about all the lost hours before, but now he makes sure not one is lost, and he wants to barter for more.
“I thought you hated the doctor,” Tony says, holding tight to Peter’s hand as they walk out of the office and over towards the car where Happy’s waiting for them.
“I do,” Peter says, in his little voice, his shoes scuffing against the pavement. It’s just about Tony’s favorite thing, to have conversations with him, and the kid is getting more and more adept at stringing together perfect sentences. He’s not even three and he’s so, so smart.
“So why were you so polite, huh?” Tony asks, looking down at him. “Give that guy the what-for, he’s sticking a needle in your arm!” Tony laughs, to make sure Peter knows he’s kidding, but Peter looks up at him.
“Don’t want him sad,” Peter says, tugging on Tony’s hand. “I’m okay.”
Tony’s heart sinks a bit because he genuinely knows Peter hates shots and going to the doctor full-stop, but he’s so sweet and kind that he never even glares at the doctor when he’s sticking that giant needle in his arm. Some of the other kids come out of the office screaming, but Peter is just—the best kid. But Tony already knew that.
He picks him up and lifts him into his arms. “Oh Mr. Magoo, of course you’re okay,” Tony says. “You’re big and strong and can take a stupid needle like that any day.”
“Don’t want to,” Peter says, with a big sigh. “No every day.”
Tony snorts. “Well, you don’t gotta. We’re done for another year.”
Peter is actually small for his age, and the doctors think he’ll stay small unless he hits the gym hard when he’s older. But where he’s lacking physically, he makes up for it mentally, tenfold. He’s well ahead of where he needs to be at his age, already interested in reading and learning and how things work, and as much as Tony wants to be attached at the hip forever, May is encouraging him to decide on a pre-school. He always jokes about raising a little genius, but Peter’s been called gifted by people in the know on more than one occasion. And Tony definitely wants to motivate him to continue on that path.
“Now ice cream,” Peter says, arms wound around Tony’s neck.
“Yup,” Tony says, reaching the car and pulling the back door open.
“How’d it go?” Happy asks, as Tony gets Peter situated in his big boy car seat, aka something else he doesn’t like because he’d rather be sitting like the adults. “You made it, huh?”
“I made it,” Peter repeats, and Tony laughs, ruffling his hair and buckling him in. He closes the door and walks around to the other side, sitting behind Happy.
“Tell Happy what your favorite part of going to the doctor is,” Tony says, buckling his own seatbelt and glancing over at Pete as Happy backs out of the spot. “And you don’t have to lie, tell him your real favorite part.”
Peter gives him a little smile, and his hand immediately goes down and covers his pocket. His grin only gets bigger. Tony laughs and reaches over, tickling his side, and Happy grins back at them in the rearview.
“You can tell him,” Tony says, still laughing. “It’s not like, actually bad. Promise.”
“What’s your favorite part, buddy?” Happy asks.
“Daddy takes lollipop from the jar when no one looking,” Peter says. “And then I ask for one at the end. And then I have two.”
“Oh my goodness gracious,” Happy says, laughing. “Of course that’s your favorite. Why wouldn’t that be your favorite? Partners in crime.”
“It’s not like, actually bad,” Peter says, mimicking Tony word for word.
“Oh no, of course not,” Happy says. “Not if your dad says so, no way.”
Peter grins and grabs out both lollipops from his pockets, holding them out to either side of him and throwing his head back. “Tony Stark out of this world!”
Tony scoffs, and meets Happy’s eyes again.
“What’s that?” Happy asks, as he rolls to a stop at a red light. “I haven’t heard that one before.”
“Out of this world! Out of this world!”
“Guy said it on channel six the other night and he hasn’t been able to get enough of it,” Tony says. “Can’t even remember what the story was about, cause of this guy.” He leans over and pokes Peter in the stomach again, and Peter squeals with laughter, shifting away from him.
“No tickling me!”
“Oh, I’m gonna.”
“No! Spaceman! You’re a spaceman!”
“Yeah, and you’re an alien and Uncle Happy is gonna make a deposit on Mars on our way home,” Tony says, tickling him more relentlessly, and Peter laughs and swats at his hand. “I don’t need you, I don’t need you anymore!”
“You need me! You need me!” Peter chants, and he pushes at Tony’s hand and holds one lollipop out at him, wiggling it in the air.
“Don’t make me snatch that. I will. Technically, it’s mine. By all technicalities. I stole it.”
“Oh, no stealing,” Happy says. “You didn’t steal.”
“That’s right,” Tony corrects, watching Peter’s growing grin. “I took. Without asking.”
“Bad,” Peter says.
“Good,” Tony says. “But just for this. Because now you have cherry and you have green apple and those are both your favorites.”
Peter laughs again and holds the lollipops close in his lap, looking at them like they’re little treasures.
“You excited about preschool, Peter?” Happy asks, as they pass by Peter’s favorite burger joint, which briefly captures his attention out the passenger window. “It’s coming up fast.”
Peter hums, chewing on his lower lip. “Maybe,” he says. “I—dunno.”
Tony ruffles his hair. They still haven’t exactly settled on a pre-school, because it’s been a major point of contention between him and May as to which one they can actually pick. Peter doesn’t seem thrilled about it at all, which May blames on Tony, of course. The kid is obsessed with learning new facts and he’s probably more ready for kindergarten than pre-school, but he just...doesn’t like to be away from Tony. He’s capable of it, he can do it, but if he’s ever given a choice he’ll be right there next to Tony, wherever Tony is.
Which is exactly what happens when they get back to SI later that day. Peter had the option of staying with Pepper in her office, where a lot of his toys are, including the new handheld Tony made for him, but Peter was polite in declining, eager to hang out with Tony in the garage.
Not having a garage at the penthouse is one of the things Tony doesn’t like about it, and he hates that he has to go so far away to work on the cars and the bots and all the other shit he likes to tinker with. The California move has been on the back burner for a while now, but they’re nearing the end of the construction of the campus out there, and Tony is secretly itching for a visit. He’s overseen a lot of it in video conferences, but it might be fun to take Peter out there and show him around.
But Tony knows if he ever moved out there, he has the land to build a house on, he has all the space he wants for his own garage…
He doesn’t think about it now. Now, he’s underneath the car trying to focus on the rebuild, and Peter is sitting on his stomach doing God knows what, occasionally muttering to himself and laughing. Tony can’t move much without throwing him off, so he doesn’t move much and he also doesn’t get much done.
As long as Peter’s happy.
Tony lets his hands flop down and he sighs, lifting his head as much as he can to see Peter holding one of his pop-up books.
“What are you doing out there, monkey?” Tony asks. “You wanna come under here and get this done for me? You got little hands, you’re smaller—you might be able to crawl up inside the car. Imagine how fun.”
Peter snorts. “Not fun.”
“Fun! Getting into things! Making trouble! Well, not if you get stuck.”
“Exactly.”
“Exactly.”
Tony laughs and wiggles around and Peter hollers, putting his book behind him and faceplanting into Tony’s chest.
“No!” Peter yells, muffled. “Go back to work! And we’ll both work in peace!”
Tony laughs again, and Peter laughs too, because that’s something Pepper has said numerous, numerous times to Tony. “You’re a mocking machine, you know that?” Tony asks, holding onto him and rolling out from under the car. “You’re a mockingbird.”
Peter rests his chin on Tony’s chest and grins. “You guys say funny things all the time.”
“Yeah, so do you,” Tony says, ruffling his hair. “Alright,” he says, grabbing Peter under the arms and standing up with him. Peter giggles as Tony lifts him up, putting him on his shoulders, and he immediately starts tapping his hands on top of Tony’s head. “No more cars today,” Tony says. “No more. You’re not doing your share of the work and that doesn’t fly around here, kid, how are we ever gonna get anything done?”
“Get book!” Peter says, his pointing hand flailing by Tony’s face. “That’s the planets one.”
“Oh, your favorite,” Tony says. He bends down carefully as he can to retrieve it. “Don’t lean over, Pete, I got it. Don’t want you falling.”
“Won’t fall!”
“Uh huh, I don’t wanna risk it,” Tony says, grabbing the book with a grunt and handing it up to him. He walks him over to the plushy couch in the corner and sits down, reaching up and tugging him down too. Tony’s mind is cloudy with the way Peter responded to Happy’s question earlier, with the way he’s been purely avoiding the topic of preschool since it was first brought up.
Peter settles on the couch beside him, taking Tony’s arm and putting it around him. He opens up the book to the Saturn page, which is always his favorite. “Saturn has most moons, you know that, right?”
“What, huh?” Tony asks, leaning in and looking at the Saturn in the book, popped up, its rings sticking off the page. “How many?” he asks, knowing Peter has it memorized.
“Eighty-two,” Peter says, tracing his finger around the edge of the ring. “And maybe more. Scientists still looking.”
“Of course they’re still looking,” Tony says. “They’re always looking. And you know how they got their good jobs, huh?”
Peter sighs, like he knows what’s coming.
“They went to school,” Tony says, ruffling Peter’s hair. “I know it’s not the thing you’re the most excited about, but with how much you like to learn, I know you’re gonna love it. I know you will, monkey.”
Peter leans back and looks up at him. “Learn fine with you, Dada.”
Tony laughs and his heart pulls hard in his chest. He’s been conversing with Peter since Peter first said dada, since before that—he’d respond to every little nonsense noise he made and carry on a back-and-forth with him whether he was making sense or not. But hearing these full sentences in his little kid voice, how he’s trying his best to pronounce every word properly—it makes Tony feel crazy. How have they gotten this far? Peters growing up, he’s growing up.
“I’m not that smart,” Tony says, trying not to get choked up. “You’re smart, you’re smarter than me—and your teachers are gonna be smarter than me, in preschool and in elementary, middle, high school, oh my God—listen, just grow up slow but we gotta go to school, bud. Okay? I promise you’re gonna love it. They’re gonna tell you so much stuff. And we’re gonna find the best place ever for you to go to so you’ll love it even more.”
Peter sighs. “I go too. With you and Aunty May. When you go to schools to look. Not stay in the car but go in too, with you, to see.”
Tony hums to himself. Because that makes sense. He always goes with May, sometimes with Pepper and May, and he feels like a moron walking through the rainbow room as a full out adult, like he’s purchasing a new property.
Why the hell hasn’t he been taking Peter in with him? Is he half the reason why the kid doesn’t wanna go to school? Because he leaves him in the car with Happy while they tour, like he’s hiding something? Why the hell has he been doing that? It’s not a surprise party. What the hell is wrong with him?
He starts to say I thought you didn’t want to go in but he stops himself, because Peter never said that. He never did, not once. Why did Tony assume? He’s starting to realize that once again, it’s most likely his behavior that’s been influencing Peter’s, and his behavior is bad and dumb and also probably why they’re having to rush through the tours anyway. Because Tony’s been paranoid about Peter being hot in the car, despite Happy sometimes driving him away for Italian ice.
“You wanna go?” Tony asks, stupidly.
Peter nods.
“Then yes,” Tony says. He tugs him closer. “Yes. One hundred percent. I’m not married to any of the ones we’ve visited so far, so you can pick out the next one and we’ll pick a day and go together. Okay?”
“Okay,” Peter says, grinning.
“Alright,” Tony says, leaning down and kissing the top of Peter’s head. He closes the book and gently puts it on the arm of the chair, and then he grabs Peter up, nearly turning him upside down. “Okay, you’re right as always. Reward time. Let’s go. Let’s go to Saturn.”
Peter shrieks with happiness as Tony holds him up above his head. “Saturn??”
“Spaceman and spaceman, on our way!” Tony yells, running, weaving him around the cars and the tools, and reveling in his laughter. “Let’s go, let’s go! We’re gonna land on one of the moons!”
“Zoom!” Peter yells, his arms stretched out in front of him. “Every moon! Every one!”