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Every night you sit by your window and think about leaving. You think about giving up all your responsibilities, about giving up in general. You think about letting the people relying on you down like they let you down. You imagine walking off into the woods and never coming back. You let out a heavy sigh, each dark thought dampening your mood. It’s been months of you like this. It could be time to change something, maybe simple like dying your hair, maybe more.
You stand and retreat from the window, there’s nothing for you there. You know you won’t abandon the responsibilities you have. You won’t be like those who failed you and you’ll keep taking those steps. You wish, sometimes, there was someone who would be there for you though. That you didn’t always have to be standing tall on your own. You heard something loud coming from near your home, the home you only had from others guilt at failing you. You chose to ignore it.
Ignoring it was the wrong idea as the large windows you’d left swung open and something impossible appeared before you. You were frozen at first, there was nothing that should be able to come into the third floor window of a home. You backed away as the large mass came closer. The light of the rooms behind you were casting an eerie glow that made the image clear. A hand, or rather fingers larger than you were tall seeking something out. You bit back a scream, don’t let the thing know you’re there.
You tried to back away, keeping an eye on the hand that was slowly advancing. You picked the worst place to be, the only exit behind the thing blocking your path. You had almost made it to another room when you let out a yelp as you slipped on a discarded shoe. You cursed yourself for being lazy when you returned home that day. You held your breath hoping the owner of the giant hand hadn’t heard you. That hope was quickly dashed as the hand shot forward.
Fingers wrapped around you as you tried to squirm out of its grip. This wasn’t the change you wanted, you were never going to do more than something simple even with the awful thoughts. You expected a tight grip and pain, but instead it felt comforting. You continued your struggles, but the care in the movements made the fear you were feeling wane. As the hand lifted you and pulled you out of your home, it felt less terrifying. The hold was kind and caring, a far cry from the way others had acted for so long.
Your world turned as the hand flipped leaving you flat on your back in their palm. The face staring down at you full of concern rather than malice or want. You were still scared, but that look was one you’d begged to have sent your way for so long. They brought you closer, then started to walk away. You started to struggle again, you couldn’t actually abandon everything.
“Shh it’s ok, just for tonight let yourself be selfish,” they said. Their voice rumbled around you, leaking with worry. You tried to stay scared or angry, but when the being turned around to face your home again, sitting just behind the tree line, you couldn’t be. They used their free hand to start rubbing your arm in a comforting gesture. This made no sense.
“Who are you?” you managed. Your voice was small, you thought they’d miss your question entirely. Instead they smiled down at you, the smile you gave everyone else every day. The smile full of understanding and care that no one ever gave back to you.
“I’m someone who lives near here, I’ve seen you give yourself to everyone for so long. I passed by and you looked tired. I decided to give back to you today.” They curled their fingers around you, something that should have terrified you was only comforting.
The feelings you’d held back for so long spilling forth. The loneliness and pain of having to be strong. The fear of how others would act if you failed. The need to succeed so no one would suffer as you did. Finally the wish that someone would see and try to help you. You grabbed one of their fingers and held it close. Your tears fell hard as finally someone noticed you and what you needed.
“Thank you,” you whispered. They made an affirmative noise and held you closer. They were right for tonight you’d be selfish. You’d bask in the warmth of the hand that pulled you from your home, the concern that sat on their face. You’d let someone care and help, you’d be weak finally. Then you’d meet them for real, and try to befriend the only person who saw the pain hidden in your eyes. A person who could hold you in one hand, but looked at you like you were the whole world.