Chapter Text
I sat there watching you just breathe. I couldn’t believe it every time you came near me. I was massive, all encompassing, but you didn’t hesitate. I was terrified of ever hurting you, my impossible fingers covering up your light. I couldn’t understand the joy and kindness in your eyes. I was a monster. At least that’s how I felt when I watched you. I was terrified to lose you.
You always seemed to know when I had these thoughts. The way you came up to me and didn’t seem to care. I smiled as you stood near my feet. I couldn’t believe you were that willing to trust me. Next to my feet I could see just how small you were. I almost didn’t want to bring you close, but I needed you. I always needed you. I reached down and offered you my hand. You just shook your head.
I knew what that meant as much as it bothered me. I slipped my fingers around your small frame. I didn’t know what you thought as I did this. Were you scared? Excited? Neutral? I knew I could ask, but I was scared. Knowing meant I couldn’t pretend you were happy.
I lifted you up slowly, your weight was next to nothing. Sometimes I thought about how dangerous I was to you at times like this. I could change, be the monster I feel like, but you trust I won’t. I lifted you higher and higher from the ground you knew.
You smiled as I brought you to a stop in front of my eyes. I couldn’t believe you were so happy to be in my hold. I brought my other hand below you and let you out of my grasp. Together we sit in silence and you just rest against my curled fingers. How would I act if I were your size instead? I don’t think I’d be as brave as you are.
I bring you closer, trying to see the details I know I can’t. Sometimes I wonder if we’d have met if you were like me. I think you’d be so different, almost unrecognizable. I’d still find you though, I’d try to be with you. After all this time I know there’s no one else for me.
You start to hum a bit in my hand. It makes me smile, you always make me smile. I start to hum along and you grin. I wonder how my voice sounds to you. Is it something you like? Are you shocked by it even now? Another question I never want answered. Another thing I don’t want to risk changing how I see our lives.
I was curious about what would happen if I moved. I lowered my hand, you tensed against me. I used my free hand to carefully press you against my palm. I could feel the small movement of your chest beneath my finger tips. I was tempted to press down and try to feel your heartbeat. It was always something I wanted, but I’d never risk that. It would be so easy to go too far.
It was like you knew what I wanted. You leaned forward and pressed your chest against my finger. Faintly I could feel the calm beat beneath. I felt shocked as you stayed there, so calmly. I smiled at you and you just pulled my finger closer. I was always amazed by your trust.
I leaned back and held you close instead. I pressed you to my chest and felt your small form move. For only a moment I worried I was too much, but I barely heard your sigh. I tried not to hold my breath as you relaxed. Your small hands pressed down against me and I heard you laughing as I moved my hand. You fell back on my palm before you turned around. Your back against me was coming. For another day you trusted me, and for another day I could never understand why.
Once night fell I slept lightly. I used to sleep deeply, but you changed that. It was because of the times I found you at night. You so often would appear above me and watch me. All I could do was look up at you and smile. Even if you weren’t next to me I was happy to know you were safe. I started wanting to be someone you could always reach, even in the dead of night. I wanted to be sure you could rely on me.
That night was different. I was woken up by some sound, most likely you. I didn’t see you above me when I searched. I heard the smallest sob and had a moment of panic. You were supposed to be sleeping alone, but you were here and crying. I shifted slowly in bed looking for you. I was scared I’d hurt you somehow. I heard your shuddering cry and realized it was below me.
I finally found you, on the ground and so close. One distracted moment in the dark and I’d lose you. I sat up slowly, giving you time to run. You sat still, I couldn’t tell if you were looking at me. I reached out to turn on a light, I wanted you to know I was seeing you. You were on your knees, you still weren’t looking up at me. I didn’t know if I scared you, but I wouldn’t let you think I didn’t see you.
I slid off my bed, my knees landing on the ground. I tried not to wince when you yelped. I wondered what my movement felt like to you. It was so small, but so much to you. Slowly, ever increasingly slowly, I reached for you. I brought my hands around you, it was so easy to hide you from the world.
I expected you to run, scream, anything to show I was your fear. Instead you jumped at my hands. You held my fingers and buried your face against me. I wouldn’t ask, you’d tell me when you were ready. I lifted you off the ground and to my chest again. Every shake of your form told me it was bad. I wouldn’t let you feel alone.
I brought my fingers around you until you were completely encompassed by my hold. Your cries were dying out. I stood up with less caution than normal. In moments I’d slid back into my bed and let you fall onto my pillow. I stared at you and hoped that everything I felt was connecting to your heart. That no matter what I’m in love with you and always would be.
I kept my hand on top of you, just below your face. I would be your blanket tonight. You looked at me and I wondered again how I could have met you. How did you ever choose to trust me? I love that you did. I love that you see through my doubts and even now, when you’re in pain, you come to me. I move forward until my head is pressing against you. One day I’ll voice my words, and that day I know you’ll comfort me.