Archive of Our Own ^beta

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It was… Dark when I woke up. Or was I always awake? I am not sure. The darkness doesn’t let me know what life is like or what time is. All I know is when I dream… I see things. I see… People. Places. Things. It's how I learned about anything. I could have drifted in darkness for who knows how long and not know. All I know is I look forward to dreaming. I can only do it so much. I think I see through the eyes of another… Or is that me? They call me Tommy out there and it sounds nice… There are many people who the person I dream of interacts with. It was nice… At first. At first he had a family. Two older brothers and a dad. It was… Nice. To a point. Then T… Techno and Phil, or was it Philza?, left. Then it was just Tommy and Wilbur. 

They left home soon… They made a new home and new friends. They made… A country. My L’Manburg… They got their country by fighting. I wasn’t there for when they won it but I know they did. Then they wanted an election… It took a while to learn what it was since around that time I could barely sleep. It hurt not sleeping and being alone. When I dreamt again it was in a dark place. I wouldn’t have known I wasn’t dreaming until I heard Wilbur. He sounded mad… He scared me. It made it so soon afterwards I didn’t dream unless I had to since Wilbur scared me with his screams at Tommy. I couldn’t stand it, the loud noises the... Screamin. I think it scares me. I never knew I could have a fear. It wasn’t Tommy’s fear but my own.

Since I didn’t dream much I decided to learn about myself. I came to many conclusions that I liked it when Tommy used to water the flowers outside the little outpost in the beginning. I learned that I could speak but never above a whisper. I learned that while I like red I prefer a more reddish orange. Many things were learnt and it made me happy… Until that is until what happened.

I was just daydreaming, a funny concept to me, when the world around me suddenly just… Got covered in lava. I tried running. I tried to be safe but I could do nothing but be… Drowned. I don’t know how when the next time I blinked I myself was in the world I dreamt of. I don’t know what happened, where Tommy is, or even how I have a body. It may be translucent and… Weird but it is sort of nice having a body. Now if I only knew where I was… That would be nice.

:)

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Living was terrifying it seems. The sunlight hurts my eyes, everything was a lot to take in, and any source of brightness hurts but the fear of those who were zombies made me even more scared to be in total darkness. While I was terrified of being alive it was… Nice. I made friends with some dogs… Or wolves I could never tell the difference. All I know is that they were so nice and gave nice cuddles. I did spend most of my time with them. I even named them after my favorite flowers and some gods I remember Techno telling me about. Aries protected the whole pack and the newest litter. Many of the pups were small. They… Helped me adapt and discover myself even more.

By being with the pact I felt safe. Nothing like I felt when I was alone in my final moments… The mere thought of that and the flashes that now happen in my dreams make my head hurt. It is best to ignore Tommy and everyone he had and focus on the now. The now was with a pack of dog-wolves and…. Wait and?

“Tommy…. Oh my god TOMMY!” Why was Ranboo here and calling me that? I saw myself and I knew I looked like Tommy but I… Was I? In confusion I pat the tall boy and he must have sensed my confusion. Soon he was looking me in the eyes and… “N-No… Do…Don’t burn .” Why was he burning? I have never seen this. I only ever got brief flashes of Ranboo but I always knew… He was safe. He was… Alliums. Picking one I presented it to the enderman hybrid only to make him cry more. Holding him as Ranboo fell I felt weak and lost. What happened? Why… No no no not…

When did I fall onto the ground? My ears are ringing and my vision is blurry. Ranboo is near me with tears still falling still… Burning. But I do remember. Ranboo was one of few who… Came to visit. Visit… Me? Tommy? Am I… Tommy? I felt my lip wobble as my head cleared, the vision came back, and the ringing stopped. I barely noticed I was crying gold when I moved fast towards Ranboo. He must have not expected it because he flinched but soon I was hugging him. It took a second but as soon as my sobs began to break out I remembered most of… Of Exile. Mainly my first one.

I don’t remember how either of my exiles ended but all I knew was that in both cases I was alone. Faintly I felt a wet nose of a dog-wolf nudge my hand and a few fuzzy bodies around us. But it didn’t matter. All that I could think about was how my exiles were. I had few people in my first exile and next to no one in my second one. I was so alone. I was… Abandoned. By who? I was still missing things but one thing was certain. Only one thing I knew with all my heart even if…. Even if I didn’t remember how Tommy became me and I became Tommy. All I knew for sure was…

“I… Am sorry…… Tommy is… Lost.”