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Gabi wasn't amorous. At least she never considered herself that way. When other girls her age spoke about the beauty of local boys, Gabi always rolled her eyes and went back to training. She held responsibilities. She couldn't afford an affair when a bright future awaited her as the pride of Marley.
Her mother said she has her whole life to fall in true love. At times, she had the impression that her parents were deliberately trying to distract her from the emotional side of life. However, she didn’t care. They must have had a good reason for that, and she had to deserve to inherit the Titan after someone else.
Yet there was nothing she could do about growing curiosity. Envy boiled inside her as other girls got what got forbidden for her. Rolling eyes stopped being enough, and nervously tramping on the ground only attracted the attention of the others and made them laugh. Some stated that she was walking with rainy clouds around her head.
The fact Zofia started staring longingly at Udo, and it got reciprocated, didn’t help at all! They looked at each other with interest, and conversations got drowned in shy compliments and blushes. Gabi felt sick. They were hideous!
But she was bursting with covetousness. She also dreamed that someone could have such a strong feeling for her and hold her deep in the heart. She whined to her parents, but they replied she had them. Despite her young age, Gabi could tell it was different. Parents naturally loved their children. Friends also gave a type of love nowhere to romantic.
Maybe they were right. Gabi was young. She didn’t have to hurry anywhere, and besides, the Armored Titan was just around the corner.
Then Falco appeared in her mind. They crowded around each other for a long time. In the end, they trained together by each other's side by side. But one day changed something. She couldn’t define it! It was so specific yet wonderful that she couldn’t stop thinking about it.
She caught the boy staring at her more and more. Braun failed to get her attention on anything other than soft blond hair and green eyes. Falco was an attractive person. She certainly liked to spend time with him but still couldn’t be one hundred percent sure does what she felt could be love. It must be an innocent crush and would pass quickly!
There are more crucial things to do. Gabi has a world to save.
However, Gabi couldn’t get him out of her head! Falco was distracting her in the simplest activities, and she didn’t understand why! Did Zofia and Udo feel this way? Was that how her parents felt? Annoying turmoil. If she had known from the beginning that it was like that, she would never have asked for it.
Gabi was confused. She was too young for that, yet she couldn’t help asking others what to do, how to behave, or should she develop feelings, or maybe throw them away and come back to her duties. She was only ten. Perhaps people her age have a right to be sheepish and ask questions?
Pieck was friendly and clever. Men looked at her, giving compliments and offering a date. More than once or twice, she had received a gift from an anonymous admirer embellished with sloppy confessions. She got gifted with a beauty that she wasn’t afraid to use. However, something didn’t feel right for Gabi with Pieck’s demeanor. Each time she rejected wooing and felt uneasy when someone suggested an innocent meeting or even marriage.
She thought that’s what women expected; pampering them and giving them all goodness. She heard many times that only material things were in women's heads. Therefore, noticing Pieck at least not delighted was confusing.
But after all, she felt she was making the right decision asking Pieck for advice. Such a mature singularity must have known the solution for her trouble.
“How do you know you fell in love?” Finger looked surprised at the girl, still out of breath after another hard day of exercise. Meeting after the meeting, she was becoming more powerful. She giggled softly. She hadn’t expected this kind of puzzle from Gabi. She was a youthful girl with rather other ambitions.
“Why are you asking?” She said with a gentle smile, peeking around to see exhausted cadets. By comparison, Braun looked lively. She laughed as Gabi visibly blushed. “Do you like somebody?”
“I don’t know,” Gabi replied shyly, almost in a whisper. Her cheeks were burning from all the rosiness here. She trusted Pieck. Finger certainly knew something about romance issues! Anyway, Gabi wasn’t stupid and noticed how Pieck stares at Mr. Galliard. Maybe that was also why she was so confident in rejecting the flirting soldiers. “Have you ever fallen in love?”
“That’s a good question!” Pieck gaped at Porco. He stood in the distance talking to Colt, falling into deep laughter. She was sure his face sunk into a lovely shade of pink, and there were tiny tears in the corners of his eyes. Gabi supposed that Pieck got embarrassed. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked. “I don’t think so. There have always been more important things to focus on.” Yes, a fact. But recently, she couldn’t throw a close friend out of her imagination.
“Are there any special signs of falling in love? Or how can you tell this apart from a simple crush?” Maybe there was a chance that she was just rambling? After all, Falco had nothing special to offer! He was like any other boy.
“Your heart should know best. Everyone experiences love differently.” Pieck grinned, not quite knowing what more to say. She didn’t know anything about it. She was trained as a warrior and never cared about romance. Even now, with Galliard hitting the walls of her heart intensely, she pretended to feel nothing, hoping it would be gone with the wind.
Or maybe not. Both didn’t have many years left.
“You’re a young girl. You’re growing up. You have the right not to understand, but knowledge will come with age. Children's crushes are always clumsy.” The woman assuredly ran her hand over the girl’s back, lifting the corners of her lips. She remembered her first love.
Pieck was probably right. Gabi returned the gesture, rushing vigorously to her friends to tell them about her successes. Craving for Falco seemed to overshadow, but who knows for how long.
Finger, on the other hand, couldn’t help but sympathize with the girl. She went through this as well, and instead of using the best years of her life for emotional fulfillment, she spent it on an indecent, fruitless fray. Who would have thought that a childish innocence could be taken away so simply from poor hearts?
Porco looked gorgeous today.
Gabi hoped. She held it deep inside her, not allowing anyone to see it. Especially not Falco, who had the laugh of angels, a smile as if painted by the most outstanding artists, a voice as smooth as silk. It will not control her. Whatever he does, says, decides, Gabi will focus on her task and ignore him.
However, she couldn’t. Every time she almost forgot and acknowledged why she was in a place like this, she pictured a boy so cute with a silly smirk. She created sweetened sceneries, resembled a sugary voice, chuckled at the jokes, and thought about the excitement about the new book that Colt had recommended him.
She tried. She seriously tried everything she could.
Reiner noticed it.
“Is something bothering you?” The dispassionate voice snapped the girl out of her thoughts, which hadn’t changed their way for many hours. She lifted her head and looked into the eyes of her cousin. He’s been sitting in the same position for several minutes. She didn’t remember what they were talking about because, for some reason, the subject went silent, although they both were very fascinated by it.
Reiner suffered a lot. She remembered how at the beginning, after his return from Paradis, she didn't understand the mental ordeal he was going through. Everyone looked askance at his loneliness and not a single titan shifter around him. There was only he. She tried to comfort him, but nothing worked. In the end, she understood that whatever she would do, she can’t get Reiner out of the darkness. Years on the devil island have taken their toll.
He didn’t talk to many people. Usually, Pieck and Porco were hanging around. Sometimes he spoke with Colt and Magath. But most of the time, Reiner took care of her and the rest of the warrior cadets. He watched them closely as an experienced warrior. They asked him about his adventures on the island a thousand times, yet never got a clear answer. He didn’t like to talk about it. He offered to chat about anything else but that.
Aunt Karina explained it as a trauma. She was right, but it hurt to know that her cousin didn’t trust her enough to reveal his cruel experiences. It’s not like she couldn't guess what happened. Gabi wasn’t dumb.
“Something happened? You've been sad for a few days.” Reiner put the mug back on the bedside table, taking a comfortable place on the bed next to her. They were sitting in his bedroom, the same boring, empty bedroom in which he shed so many lonely tears. Gabi’s presence embellished the place with additional colors, though her sudden gloom brought depression a strength.
The girl looked away from her swaying feet, staring at the man. In passing, she frowned. She didn't want Reiner to notice her dismay. However, neither she nor he could help that as cousins, both read from one another like an open book.
“Nothing happened.” She was an awful liar, so it’s no wonder she laughed a moment later, followed by Reiner. He approached her, grabbing her into an intense hug, rubbing her head. “Stop it!” She screamed, gasping for air as she felt an unanticipated tickle on her sides. The room sank into joyful laughter, and Gabi, involuntarily and despite the hell, was glad to see Reiner's sincere smile. “Enough!”
“I’ll stop if you tell me.”
“Okay, I’ll tell you, just stop it!” Lungs were begging for air. Nimble fingers quickly ran over the skin, provoking all sorts of reactions. Small tears rolled in the girl’s eyes, slowly but effectively running down her cheeks. She felt great. That's what Reiner has been longing for and what she has always wanted him to be; happy. Ready to fool around with her. The tiring sensation stopped. “Don’t do that anymore.” She added with a chuckle.
“I will consider it.” He let go of the girl slowly, taking a deep breath from laughing. He wanted to play with Gabi more often. That’s what she needed as a young child, but he didn’t always find the energy. He disappointed himself too much, and most importantly her. In the period of warriors training, she needed to get the essence of a normal childhood. “Now tell me.”
Gabi thought about it. It’s not like she had any other options now. It would indeed be a stupid solution to fly out of the bedroom and playfully run away from Reiner. He would immediately go after her. Braun might be tired by many things, but he still was fast. There would be no end to tickles.
Then an important question arose. Did Reiner even know anything about romance troubles? Yes, he was intelligent, and women coaxed him whenever they could. At such moments, he would bend in discomfort and, between the lines of his words, beg to be left alone. She wouldn’t be surprised if things were the same as with Pieck. But in her case, she might have guessed at least something. To be exact, she likes Mr. Galliard. She never heard of her cousin's romantic life. He was a lonesome man.
It won't hurt to try. If things go wrong, Gabi could blame Reiner for insisting on this subject.
“I think I’m in love with Falco,” She said with a voice so low and frail that the sound got barely heard in the room. She felt the warmth hit her face, almost like fire. Reiner’s gaze, so shocked by the admission, didn’t help. But when he thought about it, it made sense. Both Falco and Gabi have been acting odd around each other lately.
“That’s good! Are you going to tell him?” But he couldn’t fight the awkwardness, regret, and mourning that emerged in him. He remembered times when he was Gabi’s age and came to a similar conclusion about someone. But he never confessed. He was sitting quietly.
“Are you crazy?! I can’t tell him! I’m not even sure if what I feel is valid!” She trembled, almost waving her arms left and right. Emotions prevailed over her! It was such a complicated subject, and Reiner wincing on his face wasn’t helping. Did he blame her? “What should I do?! I’ve never felt this way with anyone before, and I don’t know if that’s what love is like either. Pieck said I’m a young girl…”
“You talked with Pieck?”
“Yes, after training today.” Finger wasn’t the best candidate for talking about love matters. He knew it as much as she knew romantic intimacies are painful to him. It recalled his past. Words got spoken only to the walls and the empty tent on the Wall Maria. “For several weeks. I just felt different one day, and I can’t stop thinking about him.” She looked miserable. The vision of a crush murdered the set goals. She can’t be in love!
“Pieck is right. You’re young, and you have the right not to understand.” But did a seventeen-year-old have the right not to understand? This question haunted him in the middle of the night, along with green eyes and a smile so radiant it could kill the sun. “But it doesn’t change the fact you shouldn't ignore it. Do you think he reciprocates the feeling?”
“I have no idea…” Gabi felt a warm arm around her shoulder. Reiner tried to smile at her, but she could notice the misery rising deep and far away in the amber eyes. What was he hiding? “I can’t fall in love with Falco! What’s so special about him anyway?! Nothing stands out! He’s annoying!”
“Gabi, take it easy! For sure, there’s something that we can do about it.” The girl broke away from the touch, the frustration growing. Honestly, Gabi’s exaggeration made him chuckle a little. On the other hand, he guessed what was terrifying about the newfound feelings. “Why do you think you can’t fall in love with him?”
“I have to train, and he distracts me!” She fell into her cousin’s embrace as the first tears ran down her face and sunk into the dark shirt. Braun didn’t expect this. Rarely, if ever, had he seen Gabi in such a critical condition. Reiner took a deep breath. He genuinely didn’t know anything about love. It hurt him. “I have a mission to complete! There are priorities, and I can’t get invested in a fling! But I think about him. I think and can’t stop.” Mission. He hated that word.
Reiner felt as if those phrases got said somewhere.
Well, he said them himself years ago. On the wall that night.
Gabi will soon regain her senses and forget she shed any tears. She will deny it. By just touching the topic, she will get aggravated. But now it broke Reiner down to watch her being like that. His thoughts got filled with memories, and the charming, gentle voice so gleefully whispering to him devotion declarations reminded him about itself.
That night, cold yet calm, spent in the arms of a would-be lover whispering endearing words. He had never felt so peaceful before. He returned to beloved’s delicate hands and fingers in blond curls, to the hot breath, broken promises.
“Gabi, it’ll be okay. You have all your youth for such things.” He cannot allow her to inherit the Armored Titan after him. Gabi deserved a long, happy life, not the agony with someone else’s blood on her hands.
“It won’t be okay!” She broke free at last. Reiner sighed. Gabi was nearly screaming, and more and more wet marks got painted on her reddened face. A soft sob filled the room. “What should I do?”
“I don’t know anything about love. If I were you, I’d try to talk to Falco.” He tangled up in his own words. If he had known from the beginning what was in Gabi’s mind, he probably would never have asked. He regretted it.
“You don’t know anything about love? You’re nineteen years old.” The girl sniffed, wiping the traces of crying with her already slightly wet sleeve. Reiner stared strangely. What did his age have to do with it? They knew a lot of elders who were in no hurry to get married or start a family. “I mean, you should know something about love! At this age, I think everyone has been in at least one relationship and knows something about it, right?” There was silence. They looked at each other, both in conflict for different reasons. Braun laughed dully. Gabi grew up with a specific view of adulthood. “You’ve never been with anyone? Haven’t you fallen in love even once?”
“There’s a difference between falling in love and being in a relationship.” He smiled sadly. His heart got heavy, and the stomach contracted from the pressure. There was no need for Gabi to hear about his loss. In the best-case scenario, she’ll think he’s not lucky or have better things to do.
“I can imagine.” She was well aware that people do not always get what they expect. They’re in a relationship with someone they never loved or deliberately ignored their feelings for some reason. Life is not about eternal bliss. However, there was something about Reiner. It prevented her from thinking that he had not bonded with someone at least once. “You were never in a relationship?”
“No.”
“So, were you ever in love?” He swallowed. Gabi watched him with a hint of mockery. Did it make her laugh? Well, if it cheers her up, he can disgrace himself. After all, Gabi was his entire world. He wasn’t fighting for himself, his mother, or the red band on his arm. He fought for Gabi’s dignified future.
“Yes, I was in love. I still am. In one person.” Of course, he had a lot of innocent infatuations that didn’t even have the right to sprout into something more. Yet there was one boy in his life years ago to whom he could thank that he’s still breathing. He doesn’t.
“Who was it?!” Gabi jumped up, enthusiastic, tiny sparkles forming in her amber eyes. They had identical eyes. He wondered if he looked like that too when he was drowning in excitement. She almost pounced on him so he would reveal the truth faster. The idea of telling his cousin about his romantic life didn't amuse him. “Who was she?! Tell me her name!”
Reiner twitched. The insinuation of being in love with a woman made him feel sick. His head spun in wrath as memories of his mother’s words came back. She instructed him what’s positive and what’s not, what an ideal warrior should be and what shouldn’t.
He chuckled awkwardly. He moved away from the girl’s embrace, getting up from the bed and walking to the window with a flat expression. It was a beautiful day. Merry people strolled the streets of Liberio, holding hands or walking with their families. Some man kissed his chosen one on the cheek. They looked jolly.
“More like his name.” He didn’t believe he was admitting it. In a tone filled with ridicule, Gabi could sense the bitterness. Reiner was close to weeping, and he might burst out just like she. The man leaned on the windowsill, not taking his eyes off the satisfied couples walking along the streets. He clenched his hands into fists.
“His?” Gabi couldn’t imagine Reiner with the other man. Whenever she thought about him in love with someone, she saw a small, gentle woman who would take care of him and heal the past wounds on his heart. She could see Reiner got tense. The history was tormenting him. “I don’t mind, of course! I just didn’t expect it. You never told me.” He didn’t tell her many things. Above all, about Bertholdt. “So, you’re gay?” She asked, nervous, as the word sounded forbidden. Aunt Karina didn’t like when anyone used it.
Braun paused. Admit it? His mother reacted negatively when he told her the truth and that he would never be in a relationship with a woman. She yelled at him when he said about the shenanigans with Bertholdt. She threatened to ban him from contacting Gabi.
Cold shivers raced down his spine. He swore a bead of sweat was running on his temple. He felt faint. The mere memory of the tall boy paralyzed him.
“I am.” He almost whispered. The girl’s eyesight didn’t leave him, and with every second, he felt like it was getting stronger. He turned to her, trying to put on the most genuine smile he could now afford. “His name was Bertholdt.”
“Bertholdt?” Gabi knew that name. She heard it many times behind the walls and doors. The great leaders of Marley started rows. Those close to her didn’t spare each other in tears. Reiner spoke it too. He was repeating it in his sleep like a mantra. He was locking himself in the room and giving himself back to the lost touch. “Colossal Titan?!” She shouted cheerfully, shocked that her cousin had contact with such a person. But something didn’t sound quite right. Who exactly was the owner of the Colossal Titan?
“Yes, it was him.” He hated when people referred to Bertholdt with his titan form. He was so much more than that; a wonderful person with a big heart and whole storage of love to give. Reiner didn’t use his chance. “I fell in love with him.” The voice filled with distress.
Nobody ever told Gabi about Bertholdt. She only heard he went on a mission on Paradis Island with Annie and Marcel, and after the years, only Reiner alone came back. She remembered the heated discussions. People panicked and didn’t understand why her cousin was solitary. Reiner wasn’t going to talk to anyone. He answered any questions with anger and walked away in silence.
Sometimes she heard arguments. She heard Reiner shouting at Pieck why she didn’t try harder, why they decided to save him, what made Bertholdt not deserve the same. There was a hard slam once. Reiner rarely resorted to violence outside the mission. She knew Porco had thrown a bunch of curses and insults at Reiner then, and an identical bang never happened again. At times like this, Gabi wondered what the hell occurred on Paradis Island.
But no wonder Reiner was so shaken by this. The Colossal Titan was Marley’s deadliest weapon and possibly one of the strongest in the whole world. At Reiner’s and politicians' place, she would go furious as well that one of the most destructive warriors got stolen. Bertholdt could lead to their success.
Gabi never wondered who Bertholdt was. Knowing that he was the owner of the Colossal Titan, a lethal tool, a walking atomic bomb, made her think of him as a brutal, unmerciful middle-aged man whose face didn’t know smile and whose eyes hadn't seen the light of the sun. A real monster. After all, this was the Colossal Titan. She had never seen it with her eyes, but everyone was terrified of it and called the God Of Destruction. There had to be a reason for that, yes?
But if Reiner said he had fallen for him, Bertholdt must have been his age and of precious nature. Her cousin could never fall in love with a demon.
“Is he dead?” Of course. Something must have been behind the fact Reiner returned one; not a single soul around that could surround him with its warmth during sorrowing together. Braun quivered. He wanted so damn to answer with his fantasy. His eyes already got heavier.
“He died during our last fight. I couldn’t save him.” There was stillness. They swore they could hear the sweat pouring down their bodies or a pin hitting the floor. Their hearts beat fast. Reiner lowered his head, not intending to keep eye contact with Gabi. It hurt too much. It hammered the blade into his sentiments and reminded him of what a hopeless human he was. “I didn't save the one I valued.”
“We don’t need to talk about it! I understand what you’ve been through and how it hurts.” A lie. She didn’t understand. She couldn’t imagine the daily anguish Reiner had to go through for the last two years. She was just a child.
“Relax, no problem.” The little hand wiped off one hermit tear that adorned the man’s cheek. A month before the final fight, he got constantly surrounded by Bertholdt. Every giggle, stroll, admission, dream, promise.
Gabi involuntarily cuddled up to Reiner. She heard his heart pounding. It beat unevenly, begging for a break.
“Can you describe him to me? What did he look like?” He was the most beautiful man that ever walked on earth. Or at least that’s what Reiner would say in a private place, in the dusk of the night, when no one is around, and he can grieve in peace without anyone judging.
He had fantastic, so shiny black hair. They were blowing fancifully in the wind, creating hairstyles that people had never dreamed of in their lifetime. He recalled Bertholdt’s lovely chuckle as his hair fell in disarray. They were fluffy.
Sun-kissed skin was so elegant and smooth. It was an honor to run his fingers over it, to feel this velvety, to get to know it. He desired to suck on it and taste it. He yearned to place small pecks and passionate kisses and to show affection to cheeks, hands, neck, chest, arms, thighs.
He had a stunning smile that he could be staring at for hours and now, years after his loss, dreaming about it while begging God to wake him up never again. Bertholdt’s lips were full, rose. His skin was so alluring, decorated here and there with moles and birthmarks.
And eyes; large, green, captivating eyes that reminded him of emeralds. No, the emeralds didn’t even stand close to the magnificence Bertholdt owned. It was the most divine shade of green he had ever seen in his life. Neither the grass nor the leaves on the trees competed with the garden that the young boy possessed. Reiner loved to see his reflection in them. With no worries about the future.
“He was tall.”
“Taller than you?”
“Yes, by a few centimeters. Even now, Bertholdt would be taller.” At times Reiner wondered how much in those two years he would have grown. He would probably be one of the tallest people in the country.
“Really?!” Gabi jumped up in shock. She had never met someone so tall ever before! Sometimes looking at Reiner was hard, let alone what would be with Bertholdt! “No wonder he got the Colossal Titan.” They laughed. He also threw this joke to the would-be lover several times. “What was his hair like?”
“Black and short, but also soft.” They looked best in the dawn when the morning light fell on them and created various shades of pink and orange. “I adored playing with them. Bertholdt liked that too.”
“And his eyes? What were they like?”
“Green and big. I could browse through those for hours.” Just like Falco! Gabi thought, fantasizing about the boy and how awesome he was at today's training. He's a real honor to have next to herself. His eyes were green and big too. She saw herself in them and laughed every time.
“What was his voice like?” Like the singing of birds, the most stunning opera, the choir of angels, the gentle whistle of the sunrise wind, and the touch of a feather.
“Delicate. I loved listening to it during stressful times. He always knew what to say. He was better with words than I ever.” Although, he didn’t talk much. Usually, Reiner had to speak, and that’s why they had problems. “He sang. When we couldn’t fall asleep, and he wanted to goof around, he would sing me lullabies he remembered from his mother.” Falco also was a singer! Indeed, he didn’t show this side of himself often, he was shy, but when he grasped the courage, she couldn’t stop listening.
“How was he dressing like?” Modestly, but with character. In the entire training corps, Reiner never met anyone with such a great interest in colorful sweaters. The blue one was Bertholdt’s favorite.
He still kept it in the closet. It caught millions of salty tears and smelled like the loved one, as it was the only remnant of him.
“Ordinarily. I don’t think Bertholdt was standing out with his fashion sense. Most of the time, I remember him wearing light trousers and a blue sweater.” He looked so damn good in it. It emphasized the broad shoulders, a slim figure, slightly rounded hips. Fuck, Bertholdt was enchanting!
“What was his personality like?” Reiner laughed. Bertholdt was incredible, and he didn’t appreciate it in time. He tried his hardest every day, most from all people in the world, yet he couldn't notice it. Reiner could have said thanks to him at least once.
“I could tell a lot about him.” Reiner didn’t want to admit his mistakes. “He was calm, didn't like conflicts, did as was told. Sometimes drowned himself in sadness for long weeks. He always pretended to be organized in front of people, so no one asked questions. He was caring. He was always there for me.” Memorable moments. He would give up all treasures in the world to relive them. “But we also gagged a lot. When we were alone, we didn't spare jokes and stupid games.” Reiner still recalled when they had gone to that small river. They spent the whole day there, pretending there’s no tomorrow.
It was starting to make sense to Gabi. Bertholdt sounded like a dear person, with a calm aura assigned to a monster-like weapon. It must have been a part of a deeper operation. Marley wouldn’t give such a destructive titan in the hands of a madman. The thought of Reiner having the Colossal Titan made her get chills, let alone anyone else! Porco or Zeke would create a living hell on earth.
“I’d love to meet him.” Reiner hugged the girl tighter. He wanted that too. Every night he dreamed that somehow, by some miracle, Bertholdt would turn out to be alive, stand at the door to his house, kiss him and find himself in his arms, confessing love. Then Reiner would introduce him to his family, starting with Gabi. But it was impossible. Bertholdt has been dead for months, and no one could fix it.
“I’d love you to meet him too.” And before he even noticed, tears escaped his eyes in thick rivers, a blockage in his throat arising, and his voice cracking. It was his fault! Because of him, Bertholdt couldn’t lead a peaceful life; he couldn’t be alive at all! Maybe if he hadn’t screwed up in Shiganshina so much, Bertholdt wouldn't have had to change plans to see if he was even breathing! “He would love you…” Reiner whispered through tears, hiding his face in the girl’s shoulder. He sobbed softly, shamefully as if he still hoped mourning would vary something.
“Reiner!” Gabi felt guilt. She shouldn’t have started this topic at all! What made her ask all those things when they brought Reiner pain?! But she couldn’t help it. She had to ask one more question. “You had nothing to lose. Why didn’t you tell him about your feelings?”
“For the same reason why you won’t confess yours to Falco.” He replied with a melancholy smile, watching the girl as tears constantly fell from his eyes. He felt like a failure. He was a failure. “I had a mission to accomplish. I argued that there was no room for love and rejected the idea of being with him. Of course, he loved me, and I had nothing to lose! But on my own, I decided to lose it. It scared me. I thought I didn’t deserve his love,” He laughed. If he hadn’t panicked and believed in himself, maybe they would be happy together now.
Gabi felt her eyes getting heavy, but she couldn’t cry. She had no right to be crying! It's just an innocent, silly childhood crush that will soon pass! She’s just stupid, and Falco doesn’t have that much control over her heart! She’ll forget about him. She’ll find someone better.
So why did the vision of losing him hurt so much? She couldn’t imagine the future without him. In whatever scenario, Falco was always close to her. He didn’t go aside but played an important role.
Falco looked gorgeous today.
“Gabi, I beg you!” Reiner began in a desperate tone, grabbing the girl and looking her straight in the eyes. “Never let this boy fall! Be with him and do what your heart tells you! If you feel like you love him, tell him so and take the risk. You never know when the world decides to take him away from you and which word will be the last. Don’t repeat my mistakes!” He cried aloud. The salty aftertaste landed in his mouth.
He got out of the bed without saying a word. Gabi watched him in shock, spoken words already deeply embedded in her young mind. Was it not hypocritic to say that Reiner had nothing to lose while she was afraid?
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t apologize. You have the right to hear about Bertholdt. Someday I will tell you more about him.” Reiner headed to the door. He needed fresh air, and Liberio looked conveying. It would be good to have a peaceful stroll with a loved one. “I’ll go to the bathroom. Be right back.” Lie after lie, but he couldn’t help it. Gabi will understand. She was a clever girl.
Braun cousins indulged in thoughts of beautiful green eyes. Of eyes that they could stare at for hours, look for their happy future here, create the most exquisite scenarios, and praise shades of color that they would never guess exists. They remembered heavenly voices, hummed melodies, moments of peace, forgetfulness of trouble. They thought about the people who saved them in the middle of a burning war.
Gabi decided – she would fight for Falco.
Reiner cannot decide anymore – he lost his struggle for Bertholdt.
Bertholdt looked gorgeous that day.