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Those words affected him greatly. Like a knife, slowly etching its way through his heart before finally piercing through and shattering it. It was bound to happen. Thatcher knew this, but he wasn't expecting this. Not like this.
It was difficult, having to say goodbye to his family when he was sent out for deployment. It was difficult watching his brothers-in-arms drop like flies during harsh battles. Burying bodies, carrying the guilt of having to approach families after families telling them the same robotic stories over and over again. What made it worse was him filing those divorce papers against his wife and having to say goodbye to a woman he was going distant with. Those were the harsh moments of Thatcher's life.
But, when he enlisted into the SAS and found a brotherhood of men among them, life began to look up. More specifically, when Rainbow contacted him and from then on, he found a home.
A family.
Now, it didn't feel like a family anymore. Especially having to say goodbye to someone he was very fond of. Almost a brotherly love. Someone Thatcher would die for. Someone he could rely on. A person who always had his back. A brother-in-arms. Yeah, they bickered a lot. Who doesn't in this society? But they always found a way to figure out their differences at the end of the day. Blood doesn't mean anything, it's often the ones who aren't related to you that somehow become the most important people in your life.
That was his brother.
That was his family.
That was his home...
Smoke was a part of his family. That was the harsh reality none of them could believe. A nightmare that everyone wanted to wake up from. But how could they? It was right in front of their faces. They couldn't deny the facts. He was standing right there. Bags packed and ready to leave. His face held no guilt. He held no disgust or discomfort, his eyes held nothing but a form of relief. As if he's glad to finally leave.
"So ye 're really leaving" Mute mumbled, a sign of disgust evident in his voice.
It was a horrible truth, but he didn't have the stomach to agree with it. As much as Smoke was an awful person to get along with, at the end of the day, Mute considered him a brother. A sibling he never had. But it felt like he was a parent, sending his child off to college, or sending them out into the world, except, Smoke wasn't going to visit. Smoke wasn't going to come back. He made his choice. He found his calling.
"Laddie...Rainbow has been the greatest organization I hae ever gotten the honor to be a part of...but I need summat different. I already mastered this challenge. I need a new one" Smoke informed.
But he was walking on thin ice. Every word he said could be taken in a different direction and it so happens that when people are angry, they start making assumptions. And currently, Smoke dug himself an even deeper hole.
"That's a' this is? That's a' we are? Just some challenge yi'll need tae master?" Sledge mumbled, greatly disappointed by Smoke's choice of words and his actions
"Seamus, I didn't mean it like that and yeh know it"
"Na, na, na need tae explain. I got it. Us SAS brothers 'r a bunch o' challenges for ye tae beat, get bored o', 'n' then leave"
"Seamus-"
"After everything we've been through ye 're just going to up and disappear fancy that huh? Just because ye 're bored" Mute added feeling the rage boiling off of Sledge and fueling him.
The energy was awful. The room was suffocating. But Smoke stood his ground. And for once, this time, he was being serious. No jokes in this situation. He wasn't going to weasel his way out of this. He was going to stand his ground. This was a serious moment and needed to be addressed in a serious fashion.
"Yeh chaps know me better than this. Rainbow offered me a lot of opportunities. But it lacks summat I truly want. It hasn't given me the creative freedom to be able to express myself, especially in the chemistry pitch. Kali can give that to me. Kali and Nightheaven can offer me new opportunities. She even offered to get Charlie into a few STEM programs! How exciting is that!" Smoke informed brightly.
His daughter was benefiting from this. So that was a win in his book. But of course, the three giants saw nothing but a trap in this promise. Nothing but lies. Illusions. False hope to get more members to join so that Kali could easily overpower Rainbow and finally continue doing her illegal work.
"So abandoning the people who've been there with yeh since day one is what yeh want?! Fine! Go be with her! Go with the bint who's seriously killing Rainbow!" Mute spat venom lacing each and every word. Raising his voice to display his frustration and annoyance. Smoke struck low from time to time, but this was below low. This was insanity, but Smoke wasn't going to back down from this decision. It was final.
"Lad"
"Go ahead cunt! Go ahead 'n be wi' that damn woman who's clearly setting ye up for failure! Ye traveling right in tae her trap, 'n' sadly, na one is going tae save ye. Fuckin' damn weasel" Sledge scoffed, finding this conversation pointless. Smoke's mind was made up.
"Ye mad, I get it-"
"Yeh lied from the beginning..." Thatcher spoke.
Finally interfering in the conversation. His voice was low, barely audible, but it held enough vigor to even make Zero shiver. Raising his head, he stared at Smoke with a certain type of hatred. Something he only did whenever Dokkaebi praised her technology or when he heard the younger ops speak about how there was no WIFI or if their devices broke. This was a hatred no specific operator saw from Thatcher. But now, here it was. And it was directed at Smoke.
"Yer nothing but a fuckin parasite, latching onto the nearest host. Yeh never cared about us. Yeh never cared about this family! Yeh never cared about yeh fuckin' brothers! Yeh 're only looking out 4 yourself! Bloody hell, yeh nothing but a damn, poor excuse for a soldier. To think, I called yeh a brother...yeh don't deserve that you fuckin cunt" Thatcher spat with as much vigor as he could produce.
He was frustrated.
He was heartbroken.
He was disgusted and disturbed.
He was pouring his feelings out. Exposing everything to them. Telling Smoke how he truly feels about his sudden departure. But Smoke could do nothing but stare. Stare in disbelief. Stare in guilt and confusion. A twinge of misery was evident in his eyes as it was visible tears were on the verge of pricking the corners of his eyes. That hit deep.
Smoke valued everyone standing in front of him like his own family. A brotherhood indeed. But here they all were. Agreeing with the fact that Smoke wasn't a part of their family anymore. He was nothing more than another body that had to be buried in the dirt. Lost and forgotten. He meant nothing to them now. Nothing more than a pile of rubble that had to be swept off the pavement. Smoke lowered his head as he adjusted his duffel bag on his back. No one needed to speak. Enough was said. Smoke got the picture. He understood his place. Walking past them, he left the locker rooms with everything he needed. It was clear, none of them considered him family anymore. That family was gone.
At least, he could create a new one with Nightheaven. Maybe he and Ela aren't so different at all.
But nothing could fix a broken heart. No matter how many layers of band-aids you put over top, those scars will always remain. Time will heal, but time will never forget. And Thatcher will never forget that moment. It was always etched into his mind. Replaying on repeat. Maybe that's why he didn't have the stomach to get rid of the family picture. Valkyrie made it a tradition to take a picture of every organization that ever joined Rainbow. But when Kali came, the tradition died. And now, they are nothing but memories.
Memoires Thatcher has to live with. Painful memories.
Staring at the picture frame, it was all of them in uniforms, without their masks. Showing off multiple personalities in one photo. Many different forms of disgust, and excitement. What did he miss? Did he miss something? Smoke was so happy in this photo. So excited to join. He's been an addict to simulations and always eager to work in the labs. So where did it go wrong?
A faint knock alerted the Brit. Coming back from his thoughts, he realized the frame was wet. Was he crying? Wiping his eyes, he tried to get rid of the water droplets staining the corners of his eyes and wetting his face. Not now. He didn't want to speak to anyone right now. His mind was messy and he felt the urge to break something. Maybe that's why his wall held a fist wound. When did he punch the wall? When did he throw his lamp? The knocking turned into banging and that irritated Thatcher. Storming towards his door, he flung it open with red cheeks, and puffy eyes filled with sorrow and frustration.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YEH WA- Jordan..." Thatcher barked but quickly collected himself.
Thankfully, the door was preoccupying him from roughly grabbing the intruder's collar and yelling at them to get away. Thermite flinched slightly at his tone as a small ounce of dread and guilt took over. Thatcher felt awful. Extremely awful. He wanted to scream at himself for being blind.
"Did I catch you at a bad time?" Thermite jokes, hoping to lighten the air.
It did nothing but throw another blanket of heartache, repugnance, and irritation. But Thatcher calmed down a bit. Controlled his anger since Thermite didn't need that type of energy. Especially not from him. But Thermite looked exhausted. Was he always this tired? His hair was a bit disheveled and it appeared he sustained a few bruises. Was he in a fight? Who fought him? Thatcher's blood began to boil as he clenched the door tightly.
"May I come in?" Thermite intruded, hoping to break Thatcher's train of thought. It worked. And Thatcher stepped aside to let Thermite inside. Once the door closed, and darkness loomed over them, Thermite began to speak. Hoping to break this eerie silence.
"Jack just left today. Got into a heated debate resulting in us going into a full brawl. Don't know what came over me but I just saw red. The next minute I knew, I was in a headlock by Craig and Miles was holding Jack back...pretty insane huh?" Thermite spoke weakly as he approached the couch.
The one thing not broken in the living room. The TV was punched. A huge hole was directly in the center, the kitchen table was turned over and glass shards littered the floor. Yeah, Thatcher doesn't remember any of this destruction happening, but it happened. Maybe he saw red when he was walking back to his room. Guess they both lost a brother today. Maybe that would explain the yelling from the gun range. But Thermite was drained. Mentally and physically. His eyes were sore, his body ached, and he was frantically scratching his arms. Clawing into the scars and creating new wounds. A method Thermite did to take the edge off. A chance to relieve himself from all of this anxiety building up. Everyone was losing someone today. The GSG-9 was a bit tamer than the others. But that didn't mean they still didn't voice their discomfort with IQ. Still didn't stop Bandit from yelling and storming off. Nor did it stop Jager or Blitz from begging her to reconsider. But the sisters? Yeah, that was brutal. A moment of pain and reconciliation on both ends.
But Thermite didn't deserve this. Especially Pulse. Those two were great friends. But Pulse left. Leaving Thermite heartbroken. He lost his brother, a valuable brother. Not only that, but Hibana was devastated. So Thermite's rage was a tribute to both of their anguish.
"Give me yeh hands"
"What-"
"Give‘em to me. Let's clean 'em off and wrap ’em again. I think I hae some leftover cream from before...we can use that to stop ‘em from becoming irritated'' Thatcher informed, taking Thermite's hands.
Obliging, Thermite followed as Thatcher guided him to the bathroom. Once inside, he set the American on top of the counter before retrieving the relaxer cream. Luckily, Thatcher had more bandages from his medkit. Turning back to Thermite, he removed the old, poorly wrapped bandages and began to apply the treatment. Being mindful to get every area but to not be entirely rough with it. As much as Thermite couldn't feel anything, certain areas were highly sensitive to even the slightest of pressures. But Thatcher was a pro at this. He's done this before. He's treated Thermite's hands before to know what area to be rough with, and what areas he had to be gentle with.
Throughout this, they worked in silence. Not even muttering a single word. Merely breathing. But this silence was killing. Thermite could feel the tension rising off of Thatcher. He was frustrated in himself, frustrated in the situation, and frustrated in the predicament Thermite was in. Of course, he treated the bruises, but his main goal was Thermite's arms. Wiping away the blood on his knuckles and then applying a new pair of bandages on his arms. He was finished. And they were once more in awful silence. But they had to speak. Thermite knew this was going to kill him if he didn’t say anything. Even if Thermite got yelled at, he knew Thatcher would mentally die if he didn’t at least get all of his frustration out.
“Mike-”
"Let’s not talk about this…I don't want tae talk about this." Thatcher interrupted.
"We can’t just gloss over this that eas-" Thermite whispered
“Got damn it Jordan what dae thou want from me?!” Thatcher barked slamming his visits down on the countertop. Rage boiled in his eyes as he stared up at Thermite with tears picking the corner of his eyes. “Want me to tell yeh how I feel? I feel awful! Okay! Is that better! I feel awful that someone I cared about so deeply, so strongly. Almost fancy a fuckin’ brother abandoned everything we believed in cause he dinnae feel fuckin’ satisfied in us anymore. Got damn fuckin’ prick…”
Thatcher hissed painfully as he tightly clung to the countertop. Nearly gripping it so tightly his knuckles were turning white from the irritation. His lip quivered and his eyes twitched, and without even noticing, tears began to fall. Thatcher began to breathe heavily as he reached out for Thermite’s shirt before putting his face into his clothes. Trying to hide from embarrassment and disgust. And Thermite slowly accepted the gesture. Holding on tightly to help calm his agitation.
Thatcher felt vulnerable. He felt exposed. He felt weak.
“I have no words to make you feel better…because, in all reality, I feel the same way. He got bored and left us. He can word it however he wants to, at the end of the day, he left…we just need to learn to live in his absence…but I’m sorry this had to happen to you…” Thermite mumbled softly, running circles along Thatcher’s back.
Doing his best to soothe the giant. It worked to some point, but Thatcher couldn’t contain his aggression. This frustration and guilt was eating away at him. Thermite felt it and heard it. This level of crying was something Thatcher has never done before. He was shaking. Physically trembling from the grief.
Thatcher hated crying. It destroyed a sense of pride he had. But Thermite had to get him to speak. He had to get him to release this tension, else it was going to eat him up and all Thermite could do was watch. It was better to be yelled at, than to watch the Brit suffer alone.
Thatcher’s sobs were growing quieter, meaning he was calming down just a bit. Just enough for him to loosen his tight grip on Thermite’s shirt. But Thermite didn’t break from the hug. Thatcher didn’t seem like he was ready to move just yet. So, they’ll stay like this for a while. It's not like Thermite had anywhere to be, and if he did, he’s canceling immediately.
"Never leave me" Thatcher whispered softly.
Choking on a few sobs as he was now begging. He didn’t want to lose his sunshine. Not this early, and not ever. Thermite looked down at the Brit before slowly taking his head, pulling it out from his shirt, and looking down into those brown eyes. Lacking the normal shine since age would take that away. Bags and tears stained his face forcing an almost tired look to take shape. But that was a captivating face nonetheless. Thermite gentle kissed his forehead before moving back to cup his face. A gentle smile took shape as he gave Thatcher a warm and comforting gaze to make his disheveled, tear-struck face.
"I'll always be here” Thermite whispered with a warm smile as he wiped away a few stray tears “And I'll always be here for you. Remember that. You'll never be alone around me"
Thermite beamed, soothing Thatcher’s aching heart. Thermite soon picked up Thatcher’s head and kissed his lips. It was a fleeting kiss, but it held so much warmth and compassion. It was sweet, even if it was quick. And it was enough to calm Thatcher’s aching heart. Time will heal, but it'll never forget. But at least, he could work on healing it, rather than remembering what caused it.