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Bill looked up at the Doctor with a defiance he had never seen before. “Okay, let me remember just for a week. Just a week. Okay, well, just for tonight. Just one night. Come on, let me have some good dreams for once.” She paused briefly, suddenly realising that nothing was going to change his mind. “Okay. Do what you've got to do. But imagine, just imagine how it would feel if someone did this to you.”
Bill closed her eyes and the Doctor raised his hands as he had done so often in the years he had been at St. Luke’s. He looked at Bill for a long moment, his hands frozen in the air just before touching her temples. Her fire reminded him so much of Donna. He couldn’t do it. Not again. He made a small fist in frustration and then tapped her chin with it. “Get out!”
Bill opened her eyes, “What?”
“You can keep your memories. Now get out before I change my mind! Don't speak, don't start, just run! Now. Go!”
Bill ran and the Doctor took a deep breath and then sighed with annoyance at himself. He looked around and saw the picture of Susan. He growled at it. “Shut up! You, shut up, as well.”
He spoke to the picture of River Song. Then there was a small noise from the TARDIS as she dimmed her lights for a moment. “Will you all please just leave me alone? I can't do that any more. I promised!”
The TARDIS hummed again, more gently this time. It was an invitation. He groaned at that. “I promised that as well!”
She hummed again and this time dimmed her lights again. The Doctor pulled a hand down his face and sighed. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”
But he couldn’t ignore the TARDIS, not properly. So, he reluctantly entered. On the monitor was a date and place. He looked up at the rotor. “I’m not ready for that. I’ve lost too much recently.”
He felt her gently nudge the back of his mind. “Sometimes letting go is the only way to move on.”
He took a breath and nodded, then he pulled the lever and sent them to the destination.
The TARDIS materialised on a quiet street in a London suburb. The Doctor exited and looked around. The year was 2062. Three years after the decision that would be the ultimate demise of his Tenth life. Fifty-three years since the last time she might have seen him. He shook his head of that memory. The TARDIS had given him the location and the year, but not the address. Even with it all tucked away, he should be able to sense her…
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He could just barely sense it. The way you might hear the rumble of a train from miles away. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. It was evening, but there was still plenty of sunlight. When he figured out which house it was, he approached, and rang the doorbell. It was a minute or two before someone answered.
The Doctor couldn’t help but smile when he saw Donna. None of his companions ever looked any different to him, but she had changed. She was in her mid-80s now. Her hair hadn’t gone silver so much as a very muted red. People could easily confuse it for dirty blond in the right lighting. She had wrinkles. Mostly laugh wrinkles. The ones earned from a life well-lived. He smiled bigger. “Donna? Donna Noble.”
When he said her last name, she frowned. “Look, if you’re here to sell something, you need to learn to read.”
She pointed to the “No soliciting” sign that was near the door. The Doctor shook his head. “No. Nothing like that.”
“Then why call me ‘Noble’? I haven’t used that name since I was married.”
“Oh, right. Temple. Sorry, we were friends once, a long time ago. I should have remembered.”
Donna’s frown grew and now she crossed her arms over her chest. “Uh-huh. ‘Friends’. If you couldn’t remember the last name I use now, how did you find me?”
The Doctor offered an impish little smile. “I keep track of my friends, even if they don’t know it.”
“Oi! Mate! Just what kind of friends were we that would make you smile like that! Besides, you’re far too young, so it’s not like we were in school together.”
He chuckled softly at that. He couldn’t help it. “Young? I haven’t been called that in a very long time.”
Donna didn’t know why she was still talking to this stranger. But there was something vaguely familiar about him. She couldn’t put her finger on what. He cleared his throat. “Um, it’s almost tea time. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
She shook her head. “Just me now. Shaun is gone and the kids are grown. Have kids of their own. They come to visit every couple of weeks for a family supper.” She shook her head. “Why am I telling you all of this?”
He smiled again, softly, more real. “Like I said, we were friends. Maybe a part of you remembers that.” He nodded to himself, as if making a decision. “Tea time. My treat. It will give us a chance to get caught up and you won’t have to worry about dishes.”
She laughed for a moment. “Your treat? As if you ever have money with you.” She gasped softly. “How did I know that?”
The Doctor smiled again. “Like I said, we’re friends.”
“I don’t even know your name.”
“Smith. John Smith.”
Donna twisted her lips as she considered the man, John Smith. Finally, she shrugged. “Never had much money in my younger years, have even less as a pensioner. Saved the money from that lotto ticket and spent it all for the kids. Gave them the life I could never have. So, who am I to pass up a free meal? Let me just get my bag and jacket.” She glanced down at herself. “Unless I need to change? Are we going anywhere fancy?”
“We’re going anywhere you want to go.”
She gave him an expression that questioned the statement. But there was just something about him. Finally, she sighed and left to get her belongings.
The Doctor remained on the doorstep. He was pretty sure given her age and how human brains worked, that she likely wouldn’t burn – at least not as quickly – now. He hoped. Still, she had wanted to die with all her memories and he was intent on giving her all of that. When she came out again, she had several more layers on. He raised his eyebrow as she locked her door. “Um, I know I said I’d take you wherever you want, but what’s with all the clothes?”
“Well, you’re the type that goes anywhere. I like to be prepared.”
She didn’t gasp at the slip this time. He offered his arm to her. “Very well, Mrs Temple, since you’re dressed for the occasion, I know just the place we should go.”
She took his arm and he started to lead them towards the TARDIS. She spoke almost reflectively. “John doesn’t suit you, though. It’s too plain. You’re far more mysterious than that.”
“Well, you could call me ‘Doctor’ if you want.”
She looked over at him and smiled. “Doctor. Oh, that is very you. I feel like I knew a Doctor once. But then, most of the time, it seems like a dream.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here. I want to fix that. Help you to know what are dreams and what is reality.”
“He called himself Dr Moon, though.”
“Oh.”
He had forgotten that. Giving her back all of the good memories, would mean the bad memories too. Maybe he should leave everything as dreams. As memories, they were clearly still there and could slip through. Besides, time travel was always possible in dreams. He shook his head. No. He now understood what he had done to her – taken from her. By saving her life, he had taken part of her life from her. Which is how he felt about his missing memories of Clara – only he accepted that as punishment for all he had done wrong. Donna deserved better.
They got to the TARDIS and he unlocked the doors. Donna stepped back. “Oi, mate! One of my kids is a copper and if you’re pulling any funny business, I got a mind to call her!”
“Donna, I promise it’s nothing like that. The box? It’s just a disguise for my… vehicle.”
Donna still looked sceptical.
So, the Doctor pushed open the door and stepped aside to let her see the inside. She gasped in shock, stepped back to look at the outside, and then stepped in. He followed her slowly. Close enough to catch her if she had a misstep, far enough away that she couldn’t hit him easily. “Oh, my God! This is brilliant!”
She then rushed forward and placed her hands on the console. “Hello, Old Girl. I’ve missed you so much and I didn’t even know it.”
The Doctor stayed by the door, seeing Donna and the TARDIS interact broke his hearts in a way he hadn’t imagined they could. Donna’s sharp tone broke him out of his thoughts. “Doctor!”
He looked up, not knowing if that was a cry of pain or anger. She tilted her head and then smiled. She walked towards him and wrapped him in a tight hug. “You’ve regenerated.”
He slowly wrapped his arms around her as well. “Couple of times since we last met.”
She pulled back far enough to look at his face. She reached up to trace the side with her fingers. He winced as he expected to be slapped. Donna chuckled as her touch was gentle. “This face. It’s not yours. I mean it is now, but I know it from somewhere else, too.”
He nodded. “Pompeii. Caecilius.” He offered her a weak smile. “I chose this face this time. I chose it because of you.”
Donna took a small step back. “Me?”
He nodded again. This time with seriousness. “You taught me that I didn’t have to save everyone. Saving just one person is the most important way to save any town. You couldn’t remember me or any of the amazing things you did, but I found a way for the universe to remember you.”
Her lips became a tight line. “You’ve come back now. All the memories are trying to assert themselves. Will it still kill me?”
“Everything dies eventually.”
She knew he was evading the question she was trying to ask. “Doctor, please.”
He gestured to one of the seats. Once she was seated, he sat near her feet, and looked up at her. “I’m much older now. Less impulsive. I think I know a way to let you have your memories but keep the consciousness locked away.”
She tilted her head and considered him. “You mean you’re older literally. Not just by regeneration or having an older body.” She paused for a moment and realised there was a story there he probably didn’t want to share, so she changed topics. “I’m feeling okay for now, so let’s not worry about those things just yet. Dinner first, yeah?”
He looked up at her and smiled. “Yes. And I know just the place.”
She smiled as he started to stand. “I thought you said I could choose.”
He grinned back. “You already did, oh about fifty-four years ago. Felspoon.”
“If it’s in your head, it’s in my head.”
He nodded in agreement as he moved to the controls and input the coordinates. Then he gestured to the lever. “You should do it.”
She engaged the lever and the trip was smooth and fairly quick. Donna smirked “You’ve gotten better at piloting her.”
He shook his head. “Not really. The Time War had wounded both of us. She suffered in ways that I didn’t really understand until later. When I started to understand that, the journeys became smoother again. ”
“Time does that to all of us, spaceman.”
He gestured around them. “You said it was brilliant, but what do you really think?”
“It suits you. I mean, I don’t know you very well in this body yet, but it feels more like a home than the last one I saw. I mean, I know we all had our own rooms, but the control room feels as much a part of the homey aspects as the rest of the TARDIS. Oh! All my stuff! Is my room still around here somewhere?”
“You know she wouldn’t get rid of it. I’m sure the TARDIS could take you there, if you wanted.”
She shook her head. “If I look for that, I’ll just…”
He frowned slightly, growing more serious. “Joshua and Ella?”
She nodded. He sighed. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it, I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “It was a long time ago. For both of us. Did you ever meet River again?”
He nodded. “Oh, yes. Got married. Even had twenty-four years together in linear time.”
She smiled and gestured to the doors. “Well, that sounds like a dinner conversation. We can swap married-life stories.”
He smiled that smile of his that was a cross between fondness and pride. He and Donna fell into old routines almost as if hardly any time had passed at all. Two friends going out to dinner together on a foreign planet. He approached the doors and was about to open them when she stopped him. “Doctor?”
He turned to face her. “What?”
“This really is just dinner, right? I mean, I can’t go running all over the place like I used to do.”
He took her hand an led her back to the console. He pulled a monitor toward them for her to see. “Should be safe on this side of the planet. And the TARDIS will be just a couple of rooms away, if we need a quick escape.”
She looked at the monitor and understood what it presented. Oh, the benefits of a Time Lord Consciousness. She frowned. “Last time, it hurt so bad. How come it doesn’t hurt this time?”
He offered a small shrug. “Time. Human minds age and change. They learn how to make new connections around damaged areas. This is similar. Besides, when the metacrisis first happened, you had several hours before it really started to cause problems for you.”
She nodded as she accepted his answer. Then she smiled. “Dinner?”
He nodded in reply. “Dinner.”
After closing the TARDIS doors, the Doctor offered his arm to Donna and they walked to the entrance to the restaurant. They were greeted by the Hostess. “Doctor and Mrs Temple?”
The pair looked at each other and grinned, but neither of them offered any correction this time. The hostess continued. “Your table is this way. You’re in for a real treat. The mountains are looking spectacular as the sun is starting to set.”
Once they were seated and the hostess had left, Donna just watched the mountains for some minutes. “So, tell me. How does it work, then; the mountains swaying?”
The Doctor was tempted to tell her she already knew the answer, but he didn’t want the Time Lord consciousness coming out too much if she didn’t want it to, so he answered instead. “This time of year, and this time of day, it’s more of an optical illusion. Similar to the way heat is reflected off asphalt creates heat waves. When you’re standing on them, the effect is the opposite. Everything around you looks a bit wavy, which makes your brain think the mountains are swaying, but they’re not….” He tapered off because Donna was looking at him. “What?”
She smiled. “Nothing. Just some things never change. You still have a gob on you and you talk like everyone else should know what you’re saying, but we really don’t.”
He turned a bit sheepish and looked down at his menu. And it was only because he wasn’t looking at her that he was able to ask his question. “Were you happy? With Shaun? With your life?”
“You mean do I regret that you saved my life?” She paused until he nodded. “I didn’t entirely know what I was missing, so how could I regret it? But now that I’m starting to remember…. The only thing I regret is the same thing you do: that you didn’t respect my wishes. But, Doctor, I’m not upset that you saved my life. I don’t for a moment regret that.” She pursed her lips. “Doctor, look at me. Please?” Again, she waited until she had his full attention. “I forgive you. And it’s okay for you to forgive yourself.”
It was like a weight that had been pulling the Doctor down for years and years had been lifted from him. His eyes shimmered slightly. “Thank you.”
He didn’t know how much he needed it until he heard the words fall from her lips. He was the man who forgave, because that’s what he needed more than anything else. He needed to hear he was forgiven.
A few moments later, their waiter arrived and took their orders. While they waited for their meal, Donna told him all about her life with Shaun, what she had done with the lotto money, and all of her children. After their meal arrived, the Doctor told Donna what happened after that terrible Christmas, becoming chinny, some of the adventures he had, regenerating again. Finally, toward the end of the meal, he told her about the Confession Dial, returning to Gallifrey, and erasing his memories of Clara.
Donna listened attentively and only interrupted to ask questions when she didn’t understand something – which was very few times. She frowned. “So, it’s not like with me, then. When you locked the memories away? They’re just gone? Irretrievable.”
“I think sometimes I remember some aspects. Snatches of phrases. And of course, she’s in my diaries. But it’s hard to tell if those are memories of her, or memories of things about her…”
“Like a photo album of pictures when you’re very little. You don’t know if you remember the actual events, or if you invented memories based on the photos you saw.”
The Doctor grinned. “Exactly like that.”
“Well, given the choice, I prefer what happened to me. I mean, at least sometimes I knew I was remembering things, even if I later forgot I remembered them.”
That made the Doctor smile sadly. Donna really did forgive him. He just wasn’t sure what to do with that information. She pulled him out of his thoughts with a question. “Is that why you came, then? Because of what happened with Clara.”
He shook his head. “No. I’m teaching at a university now. Well, now for me is 2017. I sometimes tutor students. If we have a mis-hap with something involving time or space travel, I usually delete those memories from the students’ minds. I’m in hiding. Anyway, my current student is Bill. She’s a non-traditional student. Bit older than the rest of the uni crowd. But very smart. She reminds me a lot of you. Fiery and asks lots of questions. Tonight, we had an alien encounter. I was going to erase her memories like I had all the others. Only… she caught on before I could do it. And she asked me to imagine what it would be like if someone did that to me. It made me think of you. And then the TARDIS butted in. And here I am.”
Donna offered a small smirk. “Here you are. A face that reminds you of me. A student that reminds you of me. And her challenge meant that you had to come fix me, if you could.”
“If you want me to. Donna, I don’t want to do something to you against your will again.”
She chuckled at that. “Stop it, I told you I forgave you. I meant it. Besides, I think we’re both too old to hold grudges. But you’re worried about something.”
The Doctor nodded. “It’s not just the good memories that will come back, Donna. The bad ones will too.”
“Can’t have the good without the bad, Doctor. Especially in your life.”
“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”
“Maybe a little of both.”
The pair chuckled. Donna sighed. “We’re all so small and young compared to you, what keeps you coming back to save us?”
The Doctor considered her question. “Wilf asked me something similar. He said you lot must look like ants to me. I told him you look like giants. But, it’s like I told you that very first time I met you: humans make sense of the chaos, marking it out with birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. And every so often, out of the billions of humans out there. Along comes someone like you.”
Donna was too old to get embarrassed by his compliments. She just nodded. “And it sounds like you’ve found another one in Bill.”
He nodded. “Maybe. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to travel with anyone. But I want to travel with her.”
Donna smiled. “Then you should stop wasting all your time with me and get back to her.”
“I’m not wasting any time with you. Getting this time with you… it’s been a privilege, Donna. And I never thought I’d get the chance.”
“Because you can’t go back.”
He nodded. “Not usually. It’s rare when the universe is so kind.”
“Then we should make the most of it. Can we see the view from the mountains? I mean, I’m in no condition for a hike. But could we take the TARDIS and look at how Felspoon looks from one of the mountaintops?”
“I’d love to.”
With that they left the restaurant. The Doctor paid, as promised. He not only had the right currency with him, but enough of it to cover the meals. After they entered the TARDIS, he put in the coordinates, and the ship materialised on one of the mountaintops. The Doctor gave Donna one of his coats to wear. “It’s going to be chilly out there.
She scoffed as she put it on. “God, you’re still skinny as a rat.”
“According to my diary, Clara called me a grey-haired stick-insect.”
Donna laughed. “Well, she’s not wrong.”
They exited the TARDIS. Donna looked around and just took in the sights. She smiled broadly. “It’s even more beautiful than you imagined.”
The Doctor came up to stand next to her. “Well, I have so many things to compare it too, it’s hard to know just how things might look. I don’t like to be disappointed, so I tend to think of things as plainer.”
He looked over at her. “Having said that, things are always better when looking at them through the eyes of another.”
As they stood there looking over the landscape, the Doctor told Donna about meeting River again and their twenty-four years lived in linear time. Donna smiled sadly as she listened to his story. “So, did you go back and get it, then? Her diary?”
The Doctor offered a small, almost sheepish smile. “A friend brought it to me. At her request, of course.”
“Was it hard? I mean, I never really pictured you as the settle down type. Especially after what happened with Jenny.”
He offered a small shrug. “You’ve been married, you know there are always challenges. But, I’m more settled this go. It would have never worked when I was sandshoes and hair. Nor would it have worked in my last body – I was too insistent on looking and behaving like a 12-year-old. I was ready this time. And really, I needed a break from the universe. I had experienced a lot of losses and traumas. So, the time on Darillium was a much-needed rest.”
Donna hummed quietly. “I think I’m ready now. What happens to me?”
“You know there are no certainties. Well, save for taking everything again.”
“I’ve lived my whole life knowing something was missing. Don’t make me do that again.”
The Doctor nodded in agreement. “I won’t.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “There are several options, as much as I’ve been able to figure out. I can leave you as you are right now. Change nothing, but then I can’t say how long you’d have.”
Donna smirked. “Stop looking so sad, Doctor. The amount of time any of us are given is never really known. What’s the next one?”
“Like I said, the TARDIS and I… we’re better now. Working together, we might be able to isolate the consciousness into your subliminal mind. It might slip through in dreams and the like, but it should be enough to let you keep your memories.”
Donna pursed her lips and hummed. “And that’s it, isn’t it? Those are the three options you’ve come up with.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head to warn him off of saying more. “What would it really involve? Isolating it?”
The Doctor didn’t move for a long time – barely breathed. Finally, he blinked slowly and turned to look at her. “It would mean all the sad and horrible things you experienced when you were with me would be in your conscious again. But more. I think… for it to work right, you’d get some of my new memories and experiences too.”
Donna chuckled. “Oh, Doctor, are you embarrassed what I’ll learn about your sex life with River?”
The Doctor blanched at that. He hadn’t thought of it until she said it. “Not embarrassed. But you know how my life is, Donna. My memories aren’t all good. There are more bad than good recently. I don’t want to burden you with that.”
Donna wrapped one of the Doctor’s arms in a hug and leant her head against his shoulder. “Oh, Doctor. Never forget that I’m all right too.”
He looked down at her and offered a sad smile. He understood what she was saying. She didn’t see it as a burden. She didn’t even know what she would be seeing or taking on, but as she always had before, she was willing to accept it, just because they were friends. “Thank you.”
The pair went quiet and just appreciated the view before them. They stood like that until the sun had set. They sighed at the same time. Donna looked over at him. “Time?”
He nodded. “Time.”
He took her arm in his and escorted her back to the TARDIS.
They entered and Donna again took in the sight. She smiled contentedly. “I really do love it.”
He smiled as he joined her at the console. “Me too.”
Donna snorted. “You love her, Doctor. Not sure how she looks matters that much.”
He did blush slightly at that. “Fair point. But having something that matches my personality doesn’t hurt.”
She looked around at the console. It made some sense to her. She approached the telepathic circuits. “I assume we’ll be using this?”
“Yes.”
“And between you and the TARDIS, it should work better than you trying to do it on your own.”
“That’s my idea. Are you still okay with this?”
She looked over at him. “It’s my best chance, isn’t it? I mean, if I don’t want to have my brain burnt out.”
“Do you have to be so blunt about it?”
“Oh, Sweetheart, I have to be me about it.”
He couldn’t resist a small chuckle. She made a good point, after all. He took a deep breath. “Okay. This is how this is going to work: you will sink your fingers into the interface. Then I’ll put my fingers in. And really, we let the TARDIS do what she does best.”
Donna hummed. “What will happen to you?”
“Well, like you, it could burn out my brain. But, wouldn’t be the first time in recent history I took such a risk.”
Donna smirked and shook her head at him. “Sometimes I wonder if you don’t have a death wish.” She tapped her head. “You’re lucky I know better now.”
“So you’re not going to slap me or tell me not to do it because you’re not worth it?”
She shook her head. “Not this time.”
“Good. Because you are worth it.” He took a short breath. “Go on, when you’re ready.”
Donna nodded. “Right. Ready.”
She looked up at the rotor and nodded as if she and the TARDIS were having a conversation. Then she slowly sank her hands into the circuits. The Doctor touched and flipped a few buttons and he smiled as he came back to stand closer to her. “Breathe, Donna. You’re fine.”
She nodded and took a breath. A few moments later, the Doctor picked a part of the telepathic circuits and sank his own fingers into the gel-like material.
It felt like there was chaos for a few moments as the TARDIS sorted out the differences between the Doctor, Donna, and the metacrisis consciousness. The Doctor felt Donna shift near him. He spoke calmly and softly. “I know it’s uncomfortable. She’s nearly done.”
Donna took a breath and calmed herself. The Doctor had told her the stories of his experiences, but she had a much clearer idea of those events. Well, not the images so much as the thoughts and feelings connected with them.
A few minutes later, the Doctor withdrew his hands. He looked up at the time rotor and the TARDIS beeped and chirped. That brought Donna’s attention back to what was around her. The Doctor smiled. “It’s done now, you can take your hands out.”
Donna did so and looked around. The Doctor smiled at her. “How do you feel?”
She shrugged. “I thought I’d feel… I don’t know. Something more? I don’t really feel all that different.”
He grinned. “Good! If you felt different, I’d worry.”
Donna pursed her lips. “But this means I won’t see you again. And I can’t let you open my mind like you did with the Ood Song.”
He nodded. “I can’t risk touching your mind with mine again. It might break the boundaries the TARDIS set up. As for good-byes…. Well, I’ve never liked them anyway. Besides, time travel is always possible in dreams.”
Donna still looked a little confused. The Doctor questioned her. “What is it?”
“I just thought… I might have learnt something about Clara.”
He shook his head sadly. “I told you, she’s gone from my mind, Donna. You could only see what’s still in there.”
“I know, I just thought I could help you, since you helped me.”
“Donna, I should have done this the first time.”
“You were too young and impatient back then. How long was it before you came up with the idea.”
“When I was stuck in the Confession Dial. I had a lot of time to think.”
“But you got distracted with too many other things to come and correct it right away.”
He nodded sadly. “I’m sorry.”
Donna shrugged. “It’s okay, Spaceman. At least I have this time with the memories.” She went quiet for a moment and then continued. “I know you don’t do this kind of thing in this body. But, when you take me back, could you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?”
He offered a small smile. “Yeah, I can do that.”
She wrapped him in a hug. “Thank you.”
When Donna released the Doctor, he moved to the console and input the coordinates. Now that he knew where her house was, he could materialise the TARDIS in her living room. They exited and she showed him around her humble home. She got him a mug of tea and then went to change clothes for bed.
The Doctor had been watching her carefully, he didn’t see much change in her. He hoped that meant all would be okay. But, honestly he didn’t know. No one knew for sure. Even the TARDIS wasn’t sure. He was glad Donna wasn’t showing any signs, though.
She returned a few minutes later, prepared a mug of tea for herself and sat down across from him. She smiled. “I’m glad you came back. Even if none of this works and I die tomorrow…”
“Don’t say that.”
“…I’m glad to have this time with you, Doctor.”
He didn’t want to think about her dying. But he knew the deeper meaning of what she was saying. “I’m glad too.”
She took a sip of her tea before continuing. “So have you decided, then?”
He looked at her with a confused expression. She continued. “What you’re going to do about Bill?”
“Oh. No. Any suggestions?”
Donna smirked a little. “You could do what you’ve always done.”
“What’s that?”
“Say, ‘What the hell,’ and do what you want.”
He chuckled softly. He wanted to deny the words, but he couldn’t. Donna was right. She always had been right about him, even before the metacrisis. He took a long sip of his tea before replying. “She loves learning and when she asks questions, it does help me to figure things out.”
Donna gave a nod. “So, what’s holding you back?”
He shrugged. “She has no real sense of family. If I become more than her tutor, I become part of her family.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Look what happened to you. To Jenny. To my planet. Things don’t go well for my family, Donna.”
“Doctor, me and all the others – are your friends. Sure, we’re family too, but we choose each other. The least you could do is give her a chance. I mean, you did that for me. You gave me a chance when only Gramps and Dad ever had.”
“And look what it cost you…”
“So I have a few more bad memories than I would have. I have loads more good ones for the same reason. So, I felt like something was missing for parts of my life. Everyone feels that way sometimes. I just had a real reason for feeling it. You know, Gramps spent all his life looking at the stars. And when I went to travel with you, he wasn’t jealous that I got to go and he didn’t. He was so happy and excited for me. You gave that to him.”
The Doctor huffed before too much emotion bubbled to the surface. “And so I should do that for Bill?”
Donna smiled. “That’s one way of looking at it.”
“What’s the other?”
“Consider all the things she could give to you.”
He offered a weak smiled and hummed. The pair finished their teas in silence. Donna collected the mugs, and washed them before holding her hand out to the Doctor. “Come on, Spaceman. I think you haven’t rested right in a long time.”
She led him to her bedroom. And even though he was in a completely different body, and Donna’s body had changed so much, they were able to get comfortable on the bed. There were nights after Midnight, when the Doctor still had nightmares and Donna would calm him just by sleeping in the same room. Now, he could do that for her. He pulled her into his arms and held her until she fell asleep.
He waited another hour or so. He thought he might fall asleep too, but he didn’t. When he was certain Donna wouldn’t wake, he gently shifted her out of his embrace. He stood and watched over her from the door-jamb for another thirty minutes. Finally, he approached her and gently pressed his lips to her forehead. “Everything ends, and it’s always sad. But everything begins again too, and that’s always happy. Be happy, Donna Temple.”
The Doctor made his way to the TARDIS. He put the silencers on and engaged the lever. He needed to just hover in the Vortex for a while. The TARDIS nudged his mind. “You should take your own advice.”
“What do you mean?”
“Be happy, Doctor. You deserve it.”
“I have to guard Missy.”
“You can do both. Go talk to Bill. Give her a chance.”
“She will ask questions.”
“Answer them.”
“I’ll want to travel.”
“As Donna said, what the hell.”
He smiled fondly up at the time rotor as he stroked the console. “In that case, I’m ready.”
He pressed a few buttons, programming the TARDIS to materialise outside on the quad. Then with a final stroke of the console, he made his way out the doors. He pulled the door closed behind him and rested one hand on the TARDIS. A part of him was still nervous and he needed her reassurance.
Seeing Bill approach, reminded him of why she wanted to enter the TARDIS. So, he knew just how to begin this adventure. “It’s a big universe and maybe one day we’ll find her.”