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Steve Rogers called my office around noon one Tuesday asking to do an interview. I was completely shocked so on a rainy Saturday I walked the five blocks to the Avenger’s Tower and was greeted by Captain America himself. We then went to a conference room he said he was 95% sure no one was using.
So Mr. Rogers, Captain Rogers, I’m not sure what I should call you.
Not Mr. Rogers, oh my God Tony has been calling me that since I moved into the Tower, it’s been driving me crazy. Please call me Steve.
Why did you want to do an interview?
Well it came to my attention lately that no one actually knew who I was and I wanted to set the record straight for myself.
I have some questions for you. What was it like growing up in the Great Depression?
Um, gosh, it was a way of living, I mean; I was a first generation American. My ma and pa were both from Ireland so we were used to hardship.
You’re an immigrant?
Yes, as an Irish immigrant living in a city you get used to no one really wanting you around and everyone giving you a rough time.
My next question was how did you become Captain America? The government hasn’t released any information so no one is sure of the whole story.
Well I tried five times to enlist. That’s very illegal no one should do that, I’m an idiot. I was skinny, could barely breath, and would get sick any time it was slightly cold. So of course no one would take me. But I kept trying any way, my dad had died in World War One, my mom died helping in a TB ward, and my best friend Bucky Barnes so there was no way I was going to stay home when people were dying. So we went to the world’s fair, me, Bucky, and two girls, it was the day before Bucky was going to ship out. Howard was showing his flying car, which I’m still mad we don’t have that. But any way there was an enlistment program there and they took me and picked me out of a bunch of really buff other men when I was this scrawny dude. Then they shot a bunch of stuff into me and I turned out like this.
That’s amazing. Okay, so everyone has talked about how you’re a perfect angel and your friend Sergeant Barnes was a total punk type person. Do you want to shed some light on this?
Bucky never got in fights when we were kids, he only ever got me out of fights. I was always starting them; if someone looked at a girl wrong I would start a fight. Bucky was the one who was always taking girls out and God he was the reason we went to the world’s fair. So if anyone was the perfect angel it would be him.
So you were the punk?
Yeah you could say that.
Awesome, so, how do you like the twenty-first century?
It’s awesome, I love it, but I’d never tell Tony, he’s still convinced I’m the one who keeps breaking the washing machine.
Who is?
I’m not at liberty to say….
You know that makes it seem like it’s you.
Yeah well…
Do you like anything specific about this century?
Computers, the internet, wifi, having enough food to eat, vaccines, feminism is pretty cool, increasing equal rights, and same sex marriage. Pretty much all the things we didn’t have in the 40s.
So I now have some questions from my sister and her friends. They’re all sophomores at Midtown High School, so brace yourself.
Okay…
What’s it like living in the Avenger’s Tower?
Crazy. There’s always interesting people passing through. The other day Thor and a bunch of his Asgardian friends came over and we marathoned the Lord of The Rings movies. Then other days this place is completely silent and everyone goes to their apartments. I didn’t even know Manner was living here for months after I moved in.
What’s your favorite color?
Green
What’s something you don’t like about the twenty first century?
There aren’t any flying cars.
What’s your favorite food?
Poptarts
Can you say a sentence using 1940s slang?
I was gay living on the nut with Bucky.
What does that mean?
I was happy even though Bucky and I were poor.
Yeah, okay that makes sense. What’s a pick up line you or Bucky used all the time?
Well he would walk up to girls and say, “Hey sugar, are you rationed?” Which was pretty much asking if they were seeing someone.
I hope that becomes a trend. I have one last question, are the Avengers going to get Tumblrs, Instagrams, and/or Twitters?
Um, maybe, I’ll have to ask Pepper. Legally we could, I’ll definitely look into it.
Thank you so much for your time. Is there anything else you want to say?
No I think that’s it.