Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I don’t wanna go,” Lexa whines. She holds onto Anya’s hand for dear life. Anya gives an amused snort and crouches down.

“Lexa, look at me,” Anya says. Lexa shifts in place but she eventually looks up at Anya’s face. “I know the first day of school is scary, especially when you’re the new kid but I promise you, it won’t always be so scary. Okay?” Lexa nods and Anya ruffles her head.

“I hate when you do that,” Lexa grumbles. She folds her hands and pouts.

“I know, that’s why I do it. Go on, kid. Make a friend. I’ll be here at 2:30, okay?”

Lexa nods. Tears threaten to spill out but she blinks them away. Anya opens the door for her and watches her go in before walking away.

--

“Okay class, we have a new student joining us today,” Mrs. Reynolds announces.

Clarke doesn’t look up from coloring her pages.

“This is Lexa and her family just moved here. Lexa, there’s an empty seat next to Clarke. Why don’t you sit there?”

Clarke perks up when she hears her name being called. She watches a grumpy girl her age walk to where she’s seated and sits down. Lexa has wild frizzy hair and green eyes.

Clarke returns to her coloring, losing interest in the new girl.

“You’re not coloring in the lines,” Clarke hears Lexa say.

Clarke scowls. “Mind your own business.”

Lexa rolls her eyes and lets out a “hmph.”

--

Clarke loves recess time. It’s her favorite part of the day aside from drawing time. She runs over to the playground where she sees that Raven has saved her a seat on the swing seat.

“Thanks Wells,” Clarke grins. Wells was such a good friend to Clarke. He always gave Clarke her crayons when Clarke would accidentally break them and he helped keep away Finn and Bellamy. Clarke wrinkled her nose at the thought of them. Most boys were gross and they always seemed to have mysterious goo on their hands.

They swing for a while until Wells slows to a stop. He points a finger. “What’s going on over there?”

Clarke also comes to a stop and squints. A bunch of kids have surrounded around something.

“Let’s go see what it is,” Clarke says. Wells nods.

They run over to see the source of the commotion. Clarke sees that everyone has gathered around the new girl, Lexa, and Murphy.

“What’s the matter?” Murphy taunts. “Are you gonna cry? Boo hoo.” He makes crying gestures with his hands. Clarke sees that Lexa has clenched her fists and Clarke isn’t sure what Lexa is going to do.

“Leave her alone,” Clarke yells. She steps in front of Lexa so she’s inches away from Murphy. “She didn’t do anything to you.”

Murphy looks around at the crowd that was forming around them. It was getting larger and larger by the second.

“Ugh, whatever. This is lame.” He walks away and disappears into the crowd. A few of his cronies follow him. The crowd disappears, students walking away disappointed that nothing more exciting had happened. Clarke turns around to face Lexa.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Lexa avoids eye contact with Clarke. “I don’t need your help. I was fine.”

Clarke nods. “I know. I just didn’t want you to get into trouble.”

Lexa’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Oh,” she says. She purses her lips and seems to be contemplating something. “Thanks.”

Clarke grins and she nods. “Murphy isn’t as tough as he thinks he is. You could’ve beaten him up easy.”

Lexa gives Clarke a small smile and nods. “I have been getting martial arts lessons ever since I could walk.”

“Wow that’s so cool. Could you show me some?”

Lexa nods again. She and Clarke walk off, chattering happily.

--

“Careful Clarke,” Lexa yells from the ground.

Clarke has climbed up a tree where she currently swings her legs off of a branch.

“Relax, Lex. I’m fine.”

Lexa is agitated. She doesn’t want Clarke to get hurt.

“Your mom told us not to climb the trees.”

Clarke huffs. “She doesn’t have to know.”

Lexa sighs; annoyed that Clarke won’t see reason.

“Fine but if you get hurt, it’s your fault.”

“Ugh, fine,” Clarke groans. “I’ll get down. Happy?”

Lexa nods. Clarke rolls her eyes but she shifts closer to the tree trunk. She swings her legs around the branch and places them on the trunk. She starts to scale down the tree when her foot slips off. Lexa watches in horror as Clarke loses her grip on the tree and comes crashing to the ground.

Clarke yelps in pain. Lexa immediately runs over to where Clarke is on the ground, holding her arm in foot.

“Oh my god, Clarke. Are you okay?”

Clarke shakes her head, actively trying to fight off tears.

“I think I broke my foot,” she says, lips quivering.

Lexa looks around in panic but no one is around.

“Clarke, listen to me,” Lexa commands. “Wrap your hands around my neck okay? I’m going to give you a boost.”

Lexa crouches on the ground in front of Clarke. Clarke sniffs but she complies. Once Lexa feels Clarke’s arms wrapped around her, Lexa places her hands under Clarke’s legs and lifts.

“Oof,” Lexa groans while she slowly stands up. She shifts Clarke’s body up and she feels Clarke pressed up against her back. “You okay?”

She feels Clarke nodding behind her.

Lexa slowly carries Clarke back to Clarke’s house.

Later when Clarke’s mom had asked what happened, Lexa lies and says that Clarke tripped during a game of tag. Clarke’s mom doesn’t look convinced but she drops the subject. Clarke shoots her a grateful smile.

When Clarke gets a cast on her foot, Lexa is the first to sign it.

--

“According to this magazine, I will meet my true love in seven days’ time.”

Lexa snorts. “Unlikely.”

They’re in Clarke’s room and Lexa is staying over for the night. They lounge around on Clarke’s bed, reading gossip magazines. Clarke lives for the magazines and while Lexa would never admit it, she does find them entertaining. What can she say? She really likes taking the personality quizzes.

Clarke lies on the bed holding the magazine above her face. She rolls around so that she’s on her stomach and she faces Lexa, who is sitting.

“I wonder how you can tell who your true love is?” Clarke asks.

Lexa turns a page in the magazine she’s reading. “What do you mean? Wouldn’t it be obvious?”

Clarke shrugs. “I don’t think so. If that were the case, no one would ever break up.”

“You don’t think people can break up with their true love?”

“Why would they break up if they’re true loves?”

Lexa puts down the magazine and looks at Clarke. “Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean that it will always work out.”

Clarke lets out a “hmm” and is silent for a few moments. She props her head up with her hands.

“So Lexa, do you like anyone?”

Lexa’s heart begins to beat rapidly. She hopes that Clarke doesn’t notice. Lexa shakes her head a little too quickly. “No.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow, not convinced. “Are you lying?”

“No. What about you? Do you like someone?”

Clarke shakes her head. “Not really. I mean, Finn is pretty cute but he’s also pretty dumb.”

Lexa nods. “Remember that time Bellamy convinced him that the world was going to end?”

Clarke laughs. “I remember! That was hilarious. Poor Finn had started stocking up on food before someone told him.”

They talk for hours, mostly reminiscing on past memories. Later when the lights are shut off and Lexa’s about to fall asleep, she feels Clarke taking her hand and intertwining their fingers. Lexa’s eyes widen.

“Promise that no matter what happens, we’ll always be friends?” Clarke says in a whisper.

“I promise.”

They fall asleep like that. Lexa dreams about Clarke.

Lexa doesn’t remember her dream in the morning.

--

“Ugh Clarke, why are we doing this?” Lexa groans and falls on Clarke’s bed.

They’re in Clarke’s room and Clarke has spent the better part of an hour trying on dresses.

Clarke throws a dress at Lexa and it lands on her head.

“Because, you dummy, we have to look good tonight.”

Lexa takes Clarke’s dress off of her head and tosses it aside. She props her up by her elbows and raises an eyebrow.

“We? There is no we.”

“Oh come on,” Clarke says. “I’m not going to this dance alone.”

Lexa’s eyes widen and she fully sits up on Clarke’s bed.

“You cannot be serious. I am not going to some juvenile middle school dance.”

Clarke turns away from her mirror and faces Lexa.

“Come on Lexa, please? It’ll be fun, I swear.”

“I seriously doubt that.”

“I promise that we can do whatever you want this weekend after this dance?”

Lexa groans. She cannot believe that she’s giving in this easily.

“Fine. Whatever I want.”

Clarke nods emphatically. “Whatever you want.”

Lexa slowly gets off Clarke’s bed and joins her in front of the mirror.

“So, what should we wear?”
--

They’re at the dance and all Lexa can feel the awkwardness radiating off of her. She had ended up borrowing one of Clarke’s dresses and it’s a bit more revealing than she would’ve liked.

School dances are so not her thing. The music is always too loud, the food always sucks, and there is honestly nothing more awkward than seeing a pimply faced boy try to summon up the courage to ask her or someone else to dance. She cannot believe Clarke finds this fun.

Clarke elbows her.

“You don’t have to look so glum, you know. C’mon, let’s dance.”

Before Lexa can protest, Clarke drags her to the dance floor and immediately begins to sway to the beat.

“Normal humans move their body parts to match the beat of the song, you know,” Clarke says after Lexa just stands there. Lexa sighs and moves minimally, moving her arms slightly. “Well now you just look silly.”

Lexa stops moving and glares at Clarke. “What do you want me to do? I feel utterly ridiculous.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and takes Lexa’s hands. “You just gotta loosen up.” Before Lexa can protest, Clarke starts to dance. She twirls Lexa around and starts moving their arms up and down in a haphazard fashion. They look ridiculous but Clarke is grinning so much that Lexa doesn’t mind. Lexa smiles and lets Clarke lead the way. They continue that for a few songs, dancing without a care in the world.

Finally, they get tired of dancing. Clarke releases Lexa’s hands and Lexa finds herself missing the contact.

“I’m really thirsty,” Clarke pants. “Do you want get something to drink?”

Lexa nods and she walks with Clarke to the punch table. They gulp down their drinks and Lexa wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. She watches the people on the dance floor. This is middle school so the girls mostly stick to themselves on one side and the boys on the other side. Some of the boys opt to play basketball off in one corner instead of dancing. There are a few couples dancing on the dance floor, if you could call it dancing.

“See? This wasn’t so bad after all,” Clarke says.

“I suppose it could’ve been worse,” Lexa replies. Dancing with Clarke is certainly more fun than dancing with some awkward pimply-faced boy with sweaty hands.

Clarke nudges her with her elbow. “Come on, you can admit that you’re having fun.”

Lexa opens her mouth to reply but she’s interrupted. A boy with floppy hair taps Clarke on the shoulder and Clarke turns around.

“Hey Clarke,” the boy says.

“Oh hi Finn,” Clarke replies, smiling. “How are you?”

Finn ducks his head and grins. “Pretty good.” He scratches the back of his neck. “Um, can I ask you for a dance?”

Clarke nods immediately. She turns to Lexa who has just been standing there for the entirety of the conversation. “You don’t mind, do you?” Clarke asks.

Lexa shakes her head. She does mind. She minds a lot. But she’s not about to let her feelings get in the way. Clarke grins.

“You’re the best, Lexa. I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?”

Lexa nods and she watches Clarke and Finn walk off. There’s a sinking feeling in Lexa’s stomach but she ignores it. She should be happy for her best friend. She knows Clarke has been eyeing Finn for a while but up until today, nothing had been done about it.

Lexa sighs and figures she’ll find a seat until Clarke comes back.

--

A few songs pass by and Clarke isn’t back yet. Lexa amuses herself by playing games on her phone. A boy had tried to ask her for a dance but Lexa had shut him down quickly with a glare. The boy had scampered back to his friends with his tail in between his legs.

Lexa is officially bored. She looks over to the dance floor but Clarke and Finn are nowhere to be found. Lexa looks around, scanning the gym to see where they might be but she can’t find them. Lexa shakes her head. They probably went somewhere to make out or something. Well, if Clarke is no longer here, then Lexa doesn’t have to be either. She gets up and grabs her bag. She walks outside of the gym into the fresh air.

Her house isn’t far from the school so Lexa figures she’ll just walk home. Lexa is definitely annoyed. She’s irritated at Clarke for ditching her but also annoyed at herself for agreeing to come along. She exhales and takes in a calming breath. No, it simply wouldn’t do. Being angry was a waste of time and feelings are a weakness.

Lexa gets home and changes out of Clarke’s dress into her own comfortable clothes. After she’s finished changing, she checks her phone. She’s gotten three text messages from Clarke.

Clarke (8:21PM): where are you???
Clarke (8:23PM): are you even here anymore
Clarke (8:28PM): ok i literally don’t see you anywhere

Lexa debates whether or not she should text Clarke. Finally, she decides that she should.

Lexa (8:30PM): I am home.

Lexa tosses her phone aside and immediately, her phone buzzes with a new message. Lexa doesn’t feel like looking at it and ignores her phone.

Lexa opens up her laptop and pulls up Netflix. She huddles up under her covers and gets comfortable. She’s halfway through a documentary about the Amazon rain forests when she hears a knock on her door.

“Come in,” she mumbles. The door opens and she isn’t surprised to see that it’s Clarke. Lexa glances at Clarke and then back at her laptop screen. “What are you doing here?”

Clarke snorts and she folds her arms. “I should be asking you that question. Why’d you leave the dance without telling anyone?”

Lexa shrugs. “I looked for you but I didn’t see you anywhere.” Lexa looks at Clarke and sees hickeys forming on her neck. “I suppose those explain what you were up to.”

Clarke has the decency to blush and she puts her hand over the side of her neck.

“Me and Finn-well we were-.“

Lexa shakes her head. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Clarke nods and she puts down her hand. She plays with the hem of her dress.

“Lexa, I’m really sorry for ditching you. I shouldn’t have done it, especially when I forced you to come to the dance with me.”

Lexa stares at her laptop screen. The documentary is still playing but she can’t focus on it.

Clarke walks over to Lexa’s bed and sits next to Lexa.

“What are you watching?”

“Documentary on the rain forests,” Lexa mumbles.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Shouldn’t you be with Finn?”

Clarke sighs and leans back against the pillows. “Finn invited me to a party that’s going on tonight,” she admits.

“Why didn’t you go?”

“Because I’d rather hang out with you. I did promise we would do whatever you wanted this weekend.”

Lexa considers Clarke’s words for a few moments then she looks at Clarke with a faint smile.

“Well, I hope you like watching documentaries,” Lexa replies.

Clarke laughs. “You’re such a big nerd.”

“I am an educated nerd, thank you very much.”

“Nerd.”

--

It’s hot. Swelteringly hot. Lexa doesn’t have the motivation to do anything with this heat. Clarke seems to feel the same. They’ve taken refuge in Clarke’s kitchen and they sip their lemonades.

It’s the summer before they go into their freshman year of high school and the topic of high school has dominated most of their conversations the past few weeks. Lexa would be lying if she didn’t feel nervous but she tried not to let it show. Clarke, of course, was the only one who saw through her façade.

“I’m bored, let’s do something,” Clarke says.

“Like what?”

“Dunno, you pick.”

Lexa sighs but the Griffin’s pool catches her attention.

“How about we go swimming?”

Clarke wrinkles her nose. Despite getting lessons, Clarke is not a very good swimmer.

“Do not worry, I won’t let you drown,” Lexa says, with a smile.

Clarke scoffs. “How noble of you.”

“Just stay in the shallow end.”

“You’re such an ass sometimes.” Lexa laughs.

They go up to Clarke’s room to change. Lexa has been there so many times that she’s left some of her clothes and bathing suit there.

Clarke rummages through her drawers until she finds a bathing suit. She takes off her shirt and Lexa tries not to stare. It’s not weird. They’ve changed in front of each other countless times. Lately, it’s been different. She’s noticing parts of Clarke that she’s never noticed before. Lexa forces herself to look away. Clarke is her best friend and it would be best for her to get those sorts of thoughts out of her head.

They finish changing and they go into the backyard. Clarke is hesitant to go in while Lexa goes to the deep end of the pool and gracefully dives in. She instantly feels better. The cool water is exactly what she needed to escape the hot sun. Lexa emerges from underneath the water and sees that Clarke is sitting with her feet in the pool.

Lexa swims over to where Clarke sits.

“You’re not going to get in?” Lexa asks.

Clarke shakes her head. “I’m fine here.”

Lexa pushes her hair out of her face. “Aren’t you hot?”

Clarke stiffens. “I’m fine like this.”

Lexa shrugs. “Suit yourself.” Before she swims away, she splashes Clarke. She hears a faint “Lexa, you asshole!” before she goes underwater.

Lexa swims and swims. At some point during her swimming, Clarke went inside to get her sketch pad and now she sits next to the pool, drawing. What she draws, Lexa doesn’t know since Clarke refuses to tell her.

Lexa absent-mindedly floats in the water when she hears Clarke yell her name. Lexa turns and swims to where Clarke is.

“Yes Clarke?”

Clarke makes a few pencil strokes on her sketchpad.

“I wanna show you something.”

Lexa patiently waits while Clarke finishes her drawing. Clarke finishes and gives Lexa a triumphant smile.

“Okay, look.”

Clarke turns around her sketchpad so Lexa can see what Clarke drew. Lexa blinks. It’s her. Clarke drew her. It’s a drawing of Lexa swimming. Clarke even gave her mermaid tails.

“Wow Clarke, this is amazing.”

Clarke grins. “Thanks. You were a good subject.”

“Perhaps you should draw me more.”

Clarke gives a small laugh. “Perhaps.”

They stare at each other for a few moments before Clarke breaks it. Lexa can’t ignore the thumping sound in her heart. She swallows and sinks underneath the water.

Clarke was going to ruin her.

--

It’s the first day of high school and Lexa is thankful that she and Clare share a few classes.

She doesn’t miss the fact that when they walk down the hallways, boys stare at Clarke. Lexa swallows and tries to ignore the stares. Clarke is extremely pretty; it is no wonder that boys would eventually realize it.

Clarke doesn’t notice and she chats about the classes they have.

Everything might be changing but at least their friendship will never change. At least that’s what Lexa tells herself.

--

One night, Lexa dreams about Clarke.

The dream starts off innocently enough. They’re on the beach and they’re building sandcastles. They’re laughing since the ocean keeps ruining their progress.

Then the dream shifts. They’re inside Clarke’s bedroom and Clarke is standing in front of her.

Clarke walks towards Lexa and starts kissing her. To Lexa’s surprise, she kisses back.

Things become heated and Clarke trails kisses down Lexa’s neck, down her stomach, lower and lower.

Lexa wakes up with a jolt and feels an ache in between her legs. She looks at the alarm clock and sees that she’s woken up an hour early before she has to. She takes several calming breaths and tries to ignore the dream completely.

The rest of the day, Lexa can’t look at Clarke in the eye.

--

Aside from the dream, life moves on normally. Lexa buries herself in schoolwork and tries to avoid thinking about Clarke like that.

Clarke remains oblivious and continues to be her normal self.

Nothing has changed, Lexa tells herself. She has to remind herself that whenever she sees Clarke’s shirt ride up when she yawns or the way that Clarke hugs her for a little bit too long or how Clarke sticks her out tongue then she’s deep in focus while doing her homework. Nothing has changed. Yet, it seems that everything has changed.

--

“Lexa, I have to tell you something.”

They’re in their sophomore year of high school and Lexa is swamped with homework from the million AP and honors classes she’s taking.

“What is it?” Lexa asks absent-mindedly, absorbed in her work.

“Can you take a break from your homework and listen?”

Lexa raises an eyebrow, intrigued. She stacks her papers and places them neatly on the bed. She sits up and faces Clarke who is looking at her with a serious expression on her face.

“Is something the matter?”

Clarke shakes her head. “No, it’s just. Well. Finn asked me out.”

Lexa’s face carefully goes blank. She feels as if her stomach has dropped completely from her body.

“Oh.” Of course Finn would ask out Clarke. Of course she would get a boyfriend. Of course, of course. Lexa feels like an idiot.

Clarke looks agitated. “Is that all you can say?”

“What do you want me to say, Clarke?” Lexa snaps. Lexa knows that her feelings are irrational but still, she can’t help it when it comes to Clarke.

“I don’t know, maybe something other than just ‘oh’?”

Lexa takes a calming breath. “So what did you say? Did you say yes?”

Clarke nods and looks nervous, as if she’s waiting to see how Lexa will react.

“Congratulations, Clarke. I’m happy for you.”

Clarke looks visibly relieved and actually smiles. “Thanks Lexa.”

Lexa nods. “So when is your first date?”

Clarke sighs and throws up her hands. “This Friday. I’m so nervous you know? I’ve never been on an actual date before.”

“You will be fine. It’s not like any of us know how to behave on a first date at our age anyways.”

“Ah, that’s true.”

Clarke falls back on her bed and sighs, clearly preoccupied with her thoughts about Finn.

Lexa bites her lip and looks away. She thought Clarke could read her well but Clarke hadn’t even noticed that Lexa had lied about being happy for her. The hollow feeling in Lexa’s stomach only grows worse. She isn’t sure what all of this means. She doesn’t want to lose Clarke but still.

Lexa groans internally and distracts herself with her work. She doesn’t want to think about this anymore.

--
The bell rings for lunch and Lexa looks over at Clarke. Fortunately, they’re in the same Biology class.

“Where do you want to eat lunch, Clarke?” Lexa asks, gathering her books.

Clarke stands up from her desk and looks sheepish.

“Actually, I promised Finn I would eat with him today.”

“Oh.”

Clarke picks up her backpack. “We’ll eat together tomorrow, promise.”

Lexa nods. She and Clarke exit the classroom, going in opposite directions.

She knew things would be different once Clarke started dating Finn but she didn’t realize it would be so immediate.

She figures she’ll eat with Gustus today. His friends are mostly obnoxious but Gustus is always glad to see her.

Still, she’d rather eat with Clarke.

--

Lexa texts Clarke on a Friday and doesn’t get a reply back until Sunday.

She knows that Clarke is busy with schoolwork and with Finn but she misses when she and Clarke were the only two that mattered. Adding Finn into the equation messed up everything.

--

It’s lunchtime and she and Clarke are in their usual spot underneath a shady tree on top of a small hill that overlooks their school.

Lexa had cracked a lame joke that caused Clarke to laugh way too hard.

Time slows down and Lexa sees the way that Clarke’s eyes crinkle when she smiles and the way her blue eyes sparkle when she’s happy.

Then it hits Lexa like a torrent of cold water.

She’s in love with Clarke Griffin. She loves everything about Clarke. The way her blonde hair looks when it’s illuminated by the sunset. The freckle above her lip. Her bravery, her determination, her loyalty to her friends.

Lexa is completely in head over heels love with her best friend. She is completely and totally fucked.

--

With Clarke dating Finn, she doesn’t see much of Clarke these days. They still see each other every day since they have classes together. On the weekends, however, Lexa more often than not is alone. It’s not like Clarke is her only friend. She has other friends, like Indra or Gustus. They’re usually busy on the weekends since they’re on sports teams and have games or practices.

One Saturday night, Lexa gets a text from Indra, inviting her to her party. It’s technically for her track and field team but anyone is welcome to join. Clarke is probably hanging out with Finn and Lexa doesn’t have anything better to do. She decides to go and sends a confirmation text to Indra.

Lexa is at the party and she wishes Clarke was here with her. It’s loud and there are drunk, sweaty people everywhere. Lexa quickly gulps down a drink and then another. Lexa hasn’t seen Indra yet so she wanders around, trying to track her down. She isn’t a heavy drinker so the effects of it are hitting her quickly. Her brain feels foggy.

Lexa blinks and she sees a boy come up to her.

“Hey, what’s up?” The boy gives her a crooked grin.

“I am looking for Indra. Have you seen her?”

The boy shakes his head. “I just got here. I haven’t seen you around before. What’s your name?”

“Lexa.”

He nods. “Nice. I’m Matt.”

Lexa considers him. He’s not unattractive and is actually pretty cute.

Somehow or another, she finds herself pressed up against a wall, kissing him. She’s never kissed a boy before. His kisses are sloppy and ungraceful. The alcohol makes her brain run more slowly than usual but she realizes that she feels nothing. She’s so startled by that realization that she pushes him off.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”

Matt looks puzzled but he is gracious enough to back off.

Lexa turns around and decides that she wants nothing more than to get out of there.

“Hey Lexa!”

Lexa stops in her tracks and looks for the source of the voice. She feels someone patting her on the back. She blinks and turns to see that it’s Gustus. Lexa immediately relaxes.

“Gustus,” she replies.

He gives out a loud laugh and grins. His face red and it’s safe for Lexa to assume that he isn’t completely sober.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry? Come. Stay. Party with us.”

Lexa searches his face. He may be a blessing in disguise.

“Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you?” She says in a low voice. “In private?”

Gustus sees her expression and his grin drops. He looks serious and he nods. “Let’s go out back. No one’s there.”

Lexa follows him out back. Gustus was right and the back porch is deserted. They sit down on the chairs.

“So Lexa,” Gustus slurs. “What’s up?” His eyes are unfocused and his movements are unsteady. Lexa wonders how much he had to drink.

Lexa sighs. She doesn’t know where to begin.

Even in his inebriated state, Gustus senses that something is wrong. “Are you having troubles of some kind?”

Lexa nods. “Yeah. I don’t know how to begin.”

Gustus doesn’t say anything and waits for Lexa to continue.

Lexa sighs. “Tonight I kissed a boy,” she admits. Gustus raises an eyebrow but still doesn’t say anything. “I kissed a boy and I didn’t feel anything.” Lexa pauses. “I think I’m in love with my best friend.”

“With Clarke?”

Lexa nods.

“Does she know?”

Lexa shakes her head. “She has a boyfriend. I cannot tell her.”

Gustus is silent for a few moments. “From what I see,” he hiccups. “You can either go after her or get over her.”

“How do I get over her?”

Gustus shrugs. “Meet someone else. You don’t like boys, kiss girls.”

Lexa doesn’t say anything for a long time. Gustus places a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. “You’ll figure it out, Lex.”

Lexa nods and stares ahead, thinking. Gustus gets up, stumbling all the while.

“Eurgh,” Gustus groans. “Drank too much.”

Lexa shakes her head, amused. “Bathroom’s that way.”

Gustus nods weakly and goes back inside. Lexa watches him walk away.

Although Gustus was drunk, his words made sense. Lexa would have to get over Clarke. Clarke would never reciprocate her feelings. It was best to squash the pain as soon as possible.
--

The week after the party, Lexa acts coolly towards Clarke. She doesn’t try to initiate any conversations and only answers CLarke’s questions with one word answers. She can see Clarke is hurt and confused.

Lexa tries to ignore the hollow sensation in her stomach whenever she sees Clarke. She has to get these feelings out of her system.

Love is weakness, she reminds herself over and over. Love is weakness.

--
School was over for the day and Lexa was about to go home. She had a major project that she needed to work on.

“Yo Lexa.”

Even without turning around, Lexa could recognize that voice anywhere.

“Hey Clarke,” she says. Clarke walks to where Lexa stands.

“You wanna go for a drive?” Clarke asks, dangling her keys in front of Lexa.

Lexa hesitates. “I don’t know. I have a lot of homework to do.”

“Please? I haven’t seen you that much lately and I miss you.”

Lexa searches Clarke’s face and sees her face is marked with sadness. Even after all of these years, Lexa still hasn’t quite managed to learn how to say no to Clarke. She nods.

“Okay.”

Clarke immediately looks a thousand times happier and grins. “Awesome.”

They walk over to where Clarke’s car is parked in the student parking lot. Lexa gets into the passenger seat while Clarke gets in the driver’s seat.

“Where to?” Clarke asks and she turns her keys into the ignition.

“You pick.”

Clarke shakes her head. “I’m always the one who decides things. You pick.”

Lexa considers it for a moment before she’s struck with an idea.

“Let’s go to the beach.”

“Sounds good.”

They drive to the beach in silence. Lexa considers breaking the silence a few times but she finds that she has nothing to say. Nothing that she wants to share with Clarke at least. Has it really come to this? There was once a point in her life when she was certain that Clarke knew everything about her. Now, things just weren’t the same.

After an hour, they arrive at the beach. Clarke parks her car and they get out. Lexa inhales the salty air and sighs. Lexa takes off her shoes and carries them in her hands. Her feet meet the sand and she wiggles her toes in it. They walk to the ocean and Lexa lets the cool water wash over her feet.

Without any warning, Clarke runs into the ocean. A wave overtakes her and Clarke shrieks, completely soaked in water.

Lexa laughs harder than she’s laughed in a long time. A grumpy Clarke walks over to where Lexa is and pouts.

“That wave came out of nowhere,” Clarke complains, moving hair strands away from her face.

“You’re complaining about going into the water and getting wet? It’s like putting your hand in a fire and wondering why you’re burned.”

Clarke snorts and gives Lexa a friendly shove on the arm. “I’d nearly forgotten how much I’d missed your sarcastic comments.”

Lexa smiles but doesn’t say anything.

Lexa moves closer to the waves so that she’s knee deep in the water. She sees that Clarke has followed her and Lexa kicks some water in Clarke’s direction.

“Oh, I’m gonna get you back for that, Lexa,” Clarke threatens.

“I’d like to see you try.” Before Clarke can retaliate, Lexa’s already run away.

She hears the water splashing as Clarke tries to catch up to her. Lexa runs out of the water onto the sand. She turns her head and sees that Clarke is quickly gaining on her. Lexa is about to change directions when she slips. Clarke takes advantage of her blunder and tackles her into the sand.

“Gotcha,” Clarke says, triumphant. Lexa tries to wiggle free but Clarke shifts her hips so that she’s straddling Lexa. Lexa’s eyes widen at the compromising position she’s in. She’s frozen, waiting to see what Clarke does. She doesn’t expect what Clarke says next.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” Clarke whispers.

Lexa’s jaw goes slack and she’s so surprised that she can’t say anything.

“Are you mad at me for something I did? I know that we haven’t been hanging together as much lately but if you were mad at me, I would’ve liked you to tell me.”

Clarke really has no clue. Lexa shakes her head.

“I am not mad at you.”

Clarke groans but she doesn’t release her grip on Lexa.

“Then why? Why have you been acting so weird?”

Lexa clenches her jaw. “I have not been acting weird.”

“Yes you have,” Clarke insists. “You act like you can’t stand being around me. You don’t answer my texts. You don’t tell me anything anymore.”

Lexa sighs. “I’ve been busy,” she says evenly. “You’ve been busy too, busy with Finn.” The last words are spoken with venom.

“Is that why you’re mad at me? Because I’ve been hanging out with Finn? Oh Lexa, why didn’t you say anything?”

Lexa swallows. “I want you to be happy and you’re happy with Finn.”

Clarke lets out a disbelieving scoff. “I’m happiest when I’m around you, dummy.”

Oh.

“Lexa, you’re my best friend. We’ve known each other for so long and I love being around you. I like Finn but he isn’t you, you know? There are things I can tell you that Finn could never understand.”

Clarke gets off of Lexa and lies down next to her so that their bodies are touching.

“Lexa, can you forgive me for being a crappy friend?”

Lexa nods. “Of course.”

“Are we still best friends?”

Lexa rolls her eyes and turns over so that she’s on her stomach. She looks at Clarke.

“When were we not?”

Clarke laughs softly and smiles. Lexa licks her lips, nervous once again.

“Clarke,” she says, hesitant. “I need to tell you something.”

Clarke sits up, sensing Lexa’s tone.

“Yeah, anything.”

Lexa swallows and sits up, mimicking Clarke’s position. She hugs her knees and rests her head on them.

“Clarke, I’m gay.”

“Oh,” Clarke says, visibly surprised. “Okay, cool.”

Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“Lexa,” Clarke says, “You know that I love you no matter what? Regardless of who you date or whatever. I’m here for you.”

Lexa nods, relieved. She’s glad Clarke took it well.

“You know what I think?” Clarke says with a grin.

Lexa eyes Clarke, apprehensive. “What?”

“That we should get milkshakes.”

That isn’t what Lexa expected Clarke to say. Then again, Clarke always surprises her.

“Okay.”

--

“Lexa, I’m bored.”

They’re in Clarke’s room and Clarke hangs off of her bed, her hair falling towards the ground. It’s a Friday night and they’ve already exhausted their usual activities.

“What do you want to do?”

“Dunno,” Clarke replies.

“We could watch a movie?”

Clarke groans. “No.”

“We could watch TV?”

“No.”

“We could watch Youtube videos?”

Clarke just groans and Lexa rolls her eyes.

“Well then you pick,” Lexa says, irritated. “You’ve rejected all of my ideas.”

Clarke hums, thinking.

“Let’s go to the park.”

Lexa looks out of the window. The sun has already gone down.

“It’s dark outside.”

“I don’t care.”

Lexa shrugs. “Okay.”

“Yay!” Clarke sings. She rolls out of bed and looks for a sweatshirt.

--

They’re outside and Lexa notices Clarke shivering.

“How are you cold?” She asks, amused.

Clarke gives her a death glare, which Lexa can see from under one of the streetlights.

“Not all of us are from Alaska like you are. You probably wore shorts in the middle of the winter.”

Lexa rolls her eyes. “And you do recall that I moved here when I was five right? I haven’t been to Alaska in years.”

Clarke grumbles, “Whatever. You’re probably part polar bear part Eskimo.”

Lexa gives out a soft laugh and shakes her head.

They reach the playground and Clarke immediately rushes to the slides. The park is empty save for her and Clarke. By the time Lexa walks to where the slides are, Clarke is already at the top of the slide.

“Lexa! Come ride with me.”

Lexa shakes her head. “I will watch from here.”

“You’re no fun,” Clarke grouses but she slides down anyways. Clarke is way too big for the slides and so it only took her mere seconds to get down.

“Looks like fun,” Lexa says sarcastically.

Clarke gets up from the slide and wipes her hands on her pants.

“Shut up Lex.”

Lexa eyes the swing set next to the slides and walks there, getting on a swing.

“Come Clarke,” she says.

Clarke looks surprised but she follows Lexa. Clarke gets on a swing and starts to swing. Lexa swings higher and higher. The swings were always her favorite part of going to the park. It allows her to become closer to the sky, in a way.

They swing for a while and then Lexa slows down, coming to a stop. Clarke follows and for a while they just sit on the swings, not saying anything. Clarke looks up at the sky, looking at the stars.

“Would you rather fight a bear or fight a shark?” Clarke asks, still looking at the sky. Lexa looks at Clarke instead. Clarke is half hidden in the shadows but Lexa can still make out her blonde hair. Clarke is so beautiful.

“Bear. You?”

Clarke thinks for a few moments and then she nods. “Same. Sharks are scary.”

“Agreed. Would you rather jump off a building or go deep sea diving?”

Clarke wrinkles her nose. “You know I hate the water. I’ll jump off a building.”

“I’d go deep sea diving.”

“Wouldn’t you be scared? There’s all sorts of creepy animals down there.”

Lexa shrugs. “Maybe but I like the ocean. It’s so vast but we know so little about it.”

“That’s true. Would you rather relive the worst day of your life or forget a year of your life?”

Lexa stiffens. She doesn’t want to be reminded of the worst day of her life but she wouldn’t want to delete a life from her memory. “Neither.”

Clarke looks at her. “That’s not how the game works. You have to pick one.”

Lexa clenches her jaw. “Neither are good options.”

“Okay, I’m sorry that I upset you.”

Lexa sighs and she looks at the ground. “It’s okay. It just brings up unpleasant memories.”

Clarke is silent for a few moments. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks softly. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to,” Lexa hesitates. “It’s just hard. I’ve never talked to anyone about it.”

“About what?”

“The worst day of my life is when both of my parents were killed.”

Clarke gasps. Lexa had never told her this even in all their years of friendship.

“I was five years old and my parents were killed in a car accident. I am told they died instantly.” Lexa sighs. “Anya was my father’s daughter from his first marriage. She was only nineteen but she took me in. I had nowhere else to go. That’s when we moved here.”

“Jesus Lexa, I never knew,” Clarke whispers.

Lexa shakes her head. “I never told you. I never told anyone.” Lexa shrugs. “You couldn’t have known.”

Lexa is surprised when she feels Clarke taking her hand. Clarke intertwines their fingers together. Lexa looks up at Clarke who looks at her with an indescribable expression.

“I am so sorry about your parents,” Clarke says.

Lexa nods. “It’s okay. I don’t remember them much.”

Clarke looks at her with a sympathetic smile and squeezes Lexa’s hand.

They sit like that for a while, not saying anything and their hands intertwined.
--

Lexa stares at her textbooks. She’s been doing homework for so long that her vision is becoming blurry. She glances at her clock and is startled to see that it’s nearly nighttime. She needs a break.

Lexa (6:10PM): Hey Clarke, are you free?

Clarke (6:12PM): hey lexa, sorry im hanging out with finn rn :(

Lexa wrinkles her nose in distaste. Even the mere mention of Finn makes her want to throw something.

Lexa (6:13PM): That’s okay. Have fun.

Clarke (6:17PM): thanks! you too!

Lexa texts Indra and Gustus but they’re busy doing whatever they’re doing. Lexa feels lonely. She doesn’t have many friends and all of them are busy with their own lives. She misses the days when she and Clarke seemed to be the only two people in the universe.
--

Lexa walks down the hallways when a sign captures her attention. She walks closer to it and sees that it’s promoting the school’s newly formed Gay-Straight Alliance. There’s a meeting for it today after school. Lexa is intrigued. It had never occurred to her that there were others like her at this school. She makes a mental note to attend today’s meeting.

The school day cannot end fast enough for Lexa’s liking. When the bell rings, Lexa goes to her locker first and then she makes a beeline for the classroom that the meeting is in.

She opens the door and sees that there’s only one other person in the room. Lexa hesitates. It could just be that the others haven’t arrived or that she’s the only one interested in coming. Maybe she should just leave. Lexa is about to go out the door when she hears a voice.

“Wait, don’t leave,” says the girl in the classroom. She walks over to Lexa with bright eager eyes. “Are you here for the GSA meeting?”

Lexa nods which causes the girl to smile.

“Awesome, I’m the president. My name is Costia.” Costia sticks out her hand.

Lexa releases her grip on the door and lets it shut behind her.

“Lexa,” she says while shaking Costia’s hand.

“Lexa,” Costia says, trying out her name. “That’s a pretty name.”

“Um, thanks. Yours is too,” Lexa says awkwardly.

“Oh, thank you.”

Costia gestures to the circle of chairs in the middle of the classroom.

“You can take a seat. I’m sure the others will be here soon.”

Lexa obliges and sits down. She watches Costia go through a pile of papers on the desk. Physically, Costia is nothing like Clarke. Costia has dark skin with black hair. She has a wide, flat nose with full lips. Her eyes are a surprisingly light green and she has long lashes. Costia is beautiful.

“So Lexa, what year are you?” Costia asks, looking up from the pile of papers. Lexa tries not to blush, lest she give away that she was shamelessly staring at Costia.

“I’m a junior. What about you?”

“Cool, cool. I’m a senior so that’s probably why I haven’t seen you around.”

Lexa nods and she looks at the otherwise empty classroom. “You said other people were coming?”

Costia nods. “Yeah, they’re probably just grabbing some snacks or something. Some of my friends promised they’d come.”

As if on cue, the door came crashing open and three people walked in, laughing and chattering.

“Cos!” One guy says.

“’Sup Cos?” One of the girls asks.

The third person, a guy, notices Lexa.

“Hey, who are you?”

Costia rolls her eyes. “Guys come on, sit down. We can introduce ourselves in a bit.”

“Aye aye cap’n.”

Costia’s friends sit down in the seats. One of the girls sits next to Lexa.

“How do you know Costia?” the girl asks.

Lexa shakes her head, uncomfortable. “I just met her.”

Before the girl can say anything else, Costia clears her throat loudly.

“Guys, settle down,” she says, voice full of authority. Lexa can tell that Costia is used to leading people. “I’m assuming that this is everyone?” She looks around and no one says anything. She shrugs. “Alright, I figure we can start out with introductions. My name is Costia-“

Costia is cut off when the door opens. A timid looking girl walks in and looks at everyone.

“Hey there,” Costia smiles. “Take a seat.”

The girl nods and sits down on Lexa’s other side.

“As I was saying, my name is Costia.”

“Hi Costia,” one of the guys says. Costia rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

“I’m the president of this club. I decided to make this club because when I entered high school, there was no support system for someone like me.” She pauses and looks around the room. “I knew that I was gay but I didn’t know anyone else who was like me. I’m a senior now and I didn’t want to leave high school without doing something. I made this club so this could be a safe haven for people like me, people like us.”

Lexa takes it all in, impressed. She barely knew Costia but Costia had that sort of quality that made everyone instantly like her. Not many people had that ability.

“Alright,” Costia says. “Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves.”

She gestures to the boy sitting on her left who wears sweatpants and a backwards baseball cap.

“Hey everyone,” the boy waves. “I’m Josh and I’m a senior too. I’m also gay and I’ve always known.” Josh gestures to the girl sitting next to him to speak.

“I’m Clara and I’m also a senior. I’m straight.”

The timid looking girl next to Lexa speaks. “I’m Joyce. I’m a junior and I think I’m bisexual?” She says in a voice so low that it’s almost a whisper.

“Good, Joyce,” Costia says with an encouraging nod. “Next?”

Lexa takes in a deep breath, acutely aware that everyone is looking at her. “I’m Lexa and I’m gay.”

Costia gives her an encouraging smile and nods.

Lexa faintly hears Costia say “Next person?” but she doesn’t pay attention to what’s being said.

Wow. She really isn’t used to saying that out loud. She is gay. She likes women. Somehow, saying it in front of people is so much different than saying it to herself. It feels more real, more substantial. It’s scary.
--

Lexa stays for the whole meeting. Since it was their first meeting, it was mostly introductions and Costia going over their goals and aims for the rest of the semester. Lexa only listens and doesn’t speak.

The meeting wraps up and the people around her get up and start to walk out of the door.

“Bye Costia,” Lexa hears some of the people say.

Lexa and Costia are the only ones left in the classroom. Costia gets up from her seat and starts putting the seats back. Lexa gets up and does the same.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Costia protests.

Lexa shakes her head. “I want to,” she replies.

“Well, thank you very much Lexa,” Costia says with a smile.

They finish putting the seats away and Lexa rubs the back of her neck.

“I was wondering if I could ask you something,” Lexa says.

Costia nods and she turns so she’s facing Lexa. “Shoot.”

“When did you-?” Lexa pauses. “When did you, you know?”

Costia senses Lexa’s nervousness and finishes, “know that I was gay?”

Lexa nods, relieved that Costia knew what she was trying to say.

“I’ve pretty much always known. In elementary school, my friends would talk about boys but I was always more interested in girls.” Costia laughs. “When I was in middle school, I realized that all of the posters on my wall were of women and when I walked inside my friends’ rooms they always had posters of guys. That pretty much solidified it for me.”

“Oh.”

“Did you just realize recently?” Costia asks gently.

Lexa nods. Costia seems to be able to read her mind.

Costia smiles. “It’s okay you know.” Lexa looks at her and quirks an eyebrow. “Not everyone knows immediately like me. Some people can spend their whole lives thinking they’re one way when they’re actually another.”

“That’s true.” Lexa is quiet. “Can I ask you another question?”

Costia laughs. “Of course, I’m an open book.”

Lexa smiles against her better judgment. She wishes she could be more like Costia. Lexa hasn’t known Costia for very long but she seems so free and happy. Lexa is the opposite.

“Did you ever fall for someone who didn’t feel the same way?”

Costia nods and gives a soft laugh. “Of course. I think it’s every gay person’s initiation that they fall in love with a straight person. Is that what happened with you?”

Lexa sighs. “My best friend.”

“She straight?”

Lexa hesitates. “I think so. She has a boyfriend.”

Costia shrugs. “Having a boyfriend doesn’t necessarily make her straight. She could be bisexual or even pansexual. Who you date doesn’t necessarily define your sexuality.”

Lexa gives Costia a wry smile. “Regardless, she’s still off limits.”

“Hmph that’s true. Does she know?”

Lexa shakes her head.

“Ah well that’s love for you.” She checks her watch and looks apologetic. “I’m sorry, I have to get to work. I still want to keep this conversation going though. Give me your phone.”

Lexa complies and Costia puts in her phone number. Costia gives back Lexa her phone.

“Feel free to text me anytime. Seriously. You won’t be bothering me.”

Lexa nods, grateful for Costia’s words. Costia picks up her backpack and puts it on her shoulders.

“It was really great meeting you Lexa,” Costia says.

“Likewise.”

Lexa watches Costia walk out of the classroom. She checks her phone and sees Costia’s newly added number. She’s startled to see that she has a few text messages from Clarke, asking if she wanted a ride home from school but it was too late now.

Lexa shrugs on her backpack and she slowly walks home from school. She thinks about Costia all the while.
--

The bell rings for lunchtime and Lexa is grateful that her Biology class finally comes to an end for the day. Usually she can tolerate it but her teacher was particularly boring today.

“Where do you wanna eat?” Clarke asks, nudging Lexa. They share the same class and they sit next to each other in Biology.

Lexa looks out the window and sees a beautiful sunny day.

“Let’s eat on the grass.”

--

“So where were you yesterday?” Clarke asks, her mouth half-full with a sandwich.

They sit underneath a tree on one of the hills surrounding the school.

“What do you mean?”

Clarke finishes chewing and swallows her food.

“I texted you yesterday asking if you wanted a ride home but you never answered.”

Oh right.

“I was busy,” Lexa replies.

“Doing what?”

“I discovered that this school has a GSA so I went to the meeting yesterday.”

Clarke furrows her brows. “GSA?”

Lexa looks at Clarke evenly. “Gay-Straight Alliance.”

Clarke’s eyes widen. “Oh. That’s really cool. How was it?”

Lexa smiles. “It was very good.”

“Really?”

Lexa nods. “It’s nice to know that there are others like me at this school. And I met the president, Costia, who is very nice.”

“Costia? I haven’t heard of that name before.”

“She’s a grade above of us but we have a lot in common.”

Clarke narrows her eyes. “Do you?”

“Indeed. We’ve been texting each other.”

“That’s nice,” Clarke says.

“You should meet her. I am sure you would like her.”

Clarke looks away. “Yeah. Maybe.”

“Are you okay Clarke? You are acting strange.”

“I’m fine,” Clarke says, cheerful. She smiles at Lexa but Lexa notices that her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Lexa doesn’t have much time to ponder on it because her phone vibrates. It’s a message from Costia. She asks Lexa when she’s free to hang out. Lexa smiles and texts back.

She doesn’t notice the way that Clarke looks at her.
---

Lexa and Costia are at the bookstore. Costia is an avid reader and she invited Lexa to come along. Although Lexa isn’t the biggest reader in the world, she still said yes.

She’s discovered that Costia is a huge fan of fantasy and science fiction.

“Have you ever read these?” Costia asks. She pulls out a book from the shelf and holds it in front of Lexa’s face.

“A Game of Thrones,” Lexa reads. She shakes her head. “I heard they are good but fantasy is not my thing.”

Costia shrugs and she puts the book back. She looks through more of the books on the shelf. “So what do you like to read then?”

“Mostly history books or biographies. I like reading about things that actually happened.”

That captures Costia’s attention. She looks away from the books at Lexa. “Then you should definitely read the A Song of Ice and Fire series! The author, George R.R. Martin, bases it off of a lot of historical events. Like one of the scenes in the book was based off of the Black Dinner. There’s also a conflict that was inspired by the War of the Roses.”

Lexa perks an eyebrow. “Really? That does sound interesting,” she admits.

Costia grins. “You would love it I bet. I can lend you the books, I have all of them at home.”

Lexa nods. “I may have to take you up on that.”

“Be warned though,” Costa says with a serious tone although her lips twitch, “If you start reading them, you may find yourself unable to put the books down.”

“That addicting?”

“Extremely so.”

“I was never one to back down from a challenge.”

Costia laughs. “That’s what I like to hear.”

Lexa feels her phone vibrate. She pulls it out and sees that she’s gotten a text message from Clarke.

Clarke (2:03PM): hey lexa, you busy? you wanna hang?
Lexa (2:03PM): Sorry, I am with Costia now.
Clarke (2:05PM): oh no problem. have fun :)

Lexa puts the phone away and for the rest of the afternoon, she doesn’t think about Clarke.
--
Lexa is in the middle of doing homework when she hears a knock on her door.

“Come in,” she says. It’s probably Anya asking her for something. The door opens and Lexa is surprised to see Clarke there. Clarke is holding a few bags. “Hey Clarke.”

“Hey, Anya let me in.”

Lexa nods. “Come in.” Clarke obliges and she shuts the door behind her. She places the bags on the floor next to where Lexa sits. “What’s all this?”

“I brought a bunch of junk food and I thought we could shamelessly consume it.”

“That sounds good.”

Clarke rummages through one of the bags and hands Lexa a box full of brownies.

“M&M brownies- your favorite.”

Lexa accepts it gratefully. “Thanks, what’s the occasion?”

“What, I can’t do something nice for my best friend?”

Clarke sits down and starts eating a cupcake that she pulled out of her bag. She looks at Lexa expectantly.

“That’s not what I meant, it’s just-,“ Lexa trails off, not knowing how to form her words.

Clarke waves her off. “I know what you meant. I wanted to do something nice for you since you’re always there for me and you’re so patient about me dating Finn.”

Lexa rolls her eyes at the mention of Finn.

“Do not mention that name around me.”

Clarke gives her a steely glare. “What do you have against him anyways? You’ve never liked him.”

“I don’t think he’s good for you.” That was only part of the reason why Lexa didn’t like him. But Clarke could never know the other.

Instead of arguing, Clarke’s shoulders slump and she sighs. “I know,” she admits. “That’s why I broke up with him.”

Lexa’s eyes widen and her jaw goes slack. “What? Why? I mean, are you okay?” She has no idea how she’s supposed to comfort Clarke. She scoots closer to Clarke and places a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay, Clarke?” She says softly.

Clarke exhales and she looks at the floor. “Yeah,” she says. “I caught him cheating on me.”

Lexa immediately stands up, surprising Clarke who nearly falls over.

“Where is he and how slowly should I kill him?” Lexa growls.

Clarke tugs on Lexa’s leg. “Seriously, don’t worry about it.”

Lexa doesn’t move. “Are you sure?”

Clarke nods. “He’s not worth our time anymore.”

Lexa slowly sits down next to Clarke so that their bodies touch. She wraps her arm around Clarke’s body.

“Are you okay?”

Clarke sniffs and her entire body begins to shake. She shakes her head.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Lexa asks. She has no idea how she’s supposed to act in this sort of situation.

“Just stay like this,” Clarke whispers, body heaving with her sobs.

Lexa leans her head against Clarke’s and holds her tighter.

They stay like that for a while, neither of them saying a word.
--

Ever since Clarke broke up with Finn, Lexa is hyper-aware of every interaction she and Clarke have.

More than once, she’s looked up to see Clarke staring at her. She definitely notices that Clarke will draw her into hugs that last longer than what seems friendly. Her heart definitely doesn’t beat faster whenever Clarke texts her a heart emoji. They’re just friends. Clarke breaking up Finn has no impact on their friendship whatsoever.

--

They go out to the movies one night. The new Marvel movie came out a few weeks ago and Clarke really wanted to see it. Lexa doesn’t care for superhero movies but she has nothing better to do.

Since the movie has been out for a while, she and Clarke are the only ones sitting in the theater. They sit in center and take advantage of that fact to talk as loudly as they want.

The movie starts to play and they become quiet. Lexa reaches over to the popcorn bag when her fingers brush up against Clarke’s. She draws her hand back but Clarke grabs it. Clarke intertwines their hands and Lexa is frozen. She hopes that Clarke can’t hear how loud her heart is beating or how sweaty her hands probably are. She looks over to Clarke but Clarke looks determinedly ahead at the screen.

Clarke is one of those people who like to talk during movies so she’ll make an occasional comment here or there. Lexa usually says something in return or she’ll give an acknowledging grunt. They don’t talk about the fact that they’re holding hands and Clarke doesn’t let go until the movie is over.

--

“So let me get this straight, it was a two and a half hour movie and you guys held hands the entire time?” Costia asks in disbelief.

It’s after school and they’ve just finished up their weekly SGA meeting. Lexa hung back to talk to Costia. She just wants a sympathetic ear and maybe someone who can help her make sense of this.

Lexa nods. “But friends hold each other’s hands don’t they?”

Costia raises a skeptical brow. “I suppose so,” she says slowly. “Or it could be that Clarke has the hots for you.” Her eyebrows waggle suggestively.

Lexa groans. How did things become so confusing? She misses the days when she didn’t have to analyze her every single move.

“So what are you going to do?” Costia asks.

“Nothing.”

“What? Nothing?”

Lexa shakes her head. “I cannot risk losing our friendship. She means too much to me.”

Costia sighs. “Look, I get where you’re coming from, believe me. But it could turn out that she feels the same way about you.”

Lexa looks away. “I don’t know.”

“Look you know Clarke the best. It’s totally your call. But I would hate to see you one day regretting that you never told her.”

Lexa is silent, taking in Costia’s words. Costia gives Lexa’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Just think about it, okay?” Costia says.

Lexa nods.

Love is weakness, she thinks. Love is weakness.

--

Lexa is extremely nervous. Clarke’s mom won her work’s lottery and she had gotten two all paid for tickets for an extremely fancy restaurant. The kind where jeans would never been seen in a twenty mile radius of it. Clarke’s mom was too busy to use the tickets so she had given them to Clarke instead. Clarke invited Lexa to go with her and Lexa is starting to wish that Clarke had never invited her at all. She has no idea how to act in a fancy restaurant.

Lexa doesn’t know what to wear so she puts on a simple green dress and wears her hair down. She usually has it tied back in a braid or something but she decides to wear it down tonight. She’s putting the last touches of her eyeliner when the doorbell rings.

“Coming,” Lexa yells. She straightens up and looks at herself in the mirror. Not bad. She grabs her purse and her house keys. She climbs down the stairs and opens the door. Her jaw goes slack.

Clarke looks incredible. She’s wearing a blue dress that matches her eyes and show off her legs. Her hair is down with soft curls that come to her shoulders. Clarke is always pretty but she’s usually dressed in simple jeans and a shirt. Tonight, she looks incandescent. Clarke sports a shy grin.

“Ready to go?”

Lexa flushes and nods, locking the door behind her. Lexa hopes that Clarke hadn’t noticed her shamelessly checking her out.

Lexa gets in the passenger seat and Clarke in the driver’s seat. Clarke starts to drive and she grabs Lexa’s hand. Lexa’s eyes widen but she doesn’t say anything.

This is feeling more and more like a date with every passing moment. Holy shit. Lexa is screwed.

They get to the restaurant and when they get out of the car, Clarke retakes Lexa’s hand into her own. Lexa swallows. This is not a date, she has to remind herself. This is not a date.

They walk in and the restaurant is much fancier than anything Lexa is used to. The lights are dim, there are well-dressed sophisticated people chatting over wine, and Lexa doubts this place even has a children’s menu. They walk up to the host.

“Hi, I have reservations under Griffin,” Clarke says.

The host scans the list and nods. “Right this way,” he says. He leads them to a table off to the side so that’s it’s more secluded from everyone else. Clarke and Lexa take their seats and he hands them the menus.

“Your waiter will be right with you,” he says before walking away.

Lexa opens the menu and holy shit, the prices at this place are insane. Thirty dollars for a salad? It’s a good thing their entire meal is covered for but still. Everything on the menu has weird Italian names and Lexa has no idea what any of the food is supposed to be like. She looks up from the menu at Clarke, whose eyebrows are furrowed.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispers, “I have no idea what any of this means.” She hopes that she doesn’t come across as a gigantic idiot. To her great surprise, Clarke laughs.

“Me neither,” Clarke confesses. “The only thing I can discern from this menu is the water but that’s it.”

“What should we get?” Lexa asks helplessly. She doesn’t want to order something and accidentally get some weird inedible concoction that she can’t eat.

“I’ll take care of it.”

Right on cue, their waiter comes by to the table.

“Hey ladies, what can I get for you today?” He asks.

Lexa looks at Clarke.

“We’ll get spaghetti and meatballs please.”

The waiter raises his eyebrow but he writes it down. “Your order will be out soon,” he says before walking away.

Lexa stares down at Clarke. “Spaghetti and meatballs? Really?”

Clarke shrugs. “Every Italian place has spaghetti and meatballs and we had no idea what else was on the menu. Why not?”

“Because,” Lexa hisses, “You don’t get dressed up for a ridiculously fancy restaurant just to order spaghetti and meatballs. It’s absurd.”

“Oh come on, you like spaghetti and meatballs. It’s one of your favorite foods in the world.”

Lexa scoffs. “Well, I guess we’ll find out what $40 pasta tastes like.”

Clarke laughs and she leans closer to Lexa. “The prices are ridiculous aren’t they?”

Lexa shakes her head. “Beyond ridiculous. $30 for a salad? Will the salad drive me home and tuck me in goodnight?”

“I tell you what, a $30 salad better be the most majestic salad that ever existed. It’s beyond other salads. It’s super salad.”

“Super salad sounds like a superhero. Maybe his power is throwing croutons at people.”

“Rude,” Clarke says, “Why do you assume Super Salad is a man? Women can have salad related superpowers too.”

“My apologies. I should not have imposed gender roles upon Super Salad.”

Clarke and Lexa are in the middle of their conversation when their waiter comes by to bring their food.

As he’s about to walk away, the waiter says, “by the way, you guys make a really cute couple.”

Lexa opens her mouth. “Oh no we’re not-“ At the same time that Clarke says, “Yeah we are, thanks.”

The waiter walks away and Lexa shoots up her eyebrows, mortified.

“Why did you let him believe that we are a couple?” She asks.

Clarke waves her off. “Oh relax, who cares what he thinks?”

Lexa slumps back into her seat. “I guess you are right,” she admits. She picks up a fork and twirls it around some spaghetti, taking a bite of it.

Clarke gives her an indescribable look. “Is it really that bad that he thought we were a couple?”

Lexa nearly chokes on the spaghetti.

“What?” She splutters, hoping she’s misheard.

Clarke dismisses her with a wave of her hand. “It’s nothing, nevermind,” she says.

Lexa focuses all of her attention on the plate in front of her. If Clarke was suggesting what she thought was suggesting... She swallows. The lines were blurring even more than usual and Lexa has no idea what it all means.

They finish their dinner and Clarke drives Lexa back home. They don’t hold hands on the car ride back and Lexa finds herself missing the physical contact. They pull up to Lexa’s house and Clarke gets out of the driver’s seat to walk Lexa back to her door. They stand inches away from each other right by Lexa’s foor.

“Well,” Lexa starts, feeling awkward, “thanks for dinner.”

Clarke nods. “No problem. I had fun.”

“Yeah,” Lexa swallows thickly, “me too.”

They stare at each other for a few beats, not saying anything. It’s the longest few seconds of Lexa’s life. She flickers to Clarke’s lips and she gets the urge to kiss Clarke right there and then. Clarke licks her lips and suddenly, she looks away.

“Well, good night Lexa.”

“Good night, Clarke.”

Clarke places a chaste kiss on Lexa’s cheek before walking back to her car. Lexa stands there, frozen, and she holds up her hand to her cheek.

--

Clarke (11:05AM): are you up?
Lexa (11:06AM): Yes. The question is why are you up?
Clarke (11:08AM): i’m kidnapping you today
Lexa (11:10AM): Um, okay?
Clarke (11:12AM): im coming by in fifteen minutes. be ready by then
Lexa (11:15AM): Typically kidnappers don’t warn their kidnappees in advance.

Clarke doesn’t reply, presumably on her way over. Lexa sits down on her bed and gives out an amused sigh. She wonders what Clarke has planned for them. She looks outside. It’s a beautiful sunny day. Lexa has opted to wear cut offs and a tank top today. School has just been let out for summer break and Lexa is looking forward to two and a half months of freedom.

She hears a knock on her front door and Lexa goes downstairs and opens the door. It’s Clarke and she’s sporting a mischievous grin. Lexa raises an eyebrow.

“So I hear I’m being kidnapped today,” Lexa says.

“Yup. You ready to go?”

Lexa nods and she steps outside, locking the door behind her.

“Where are we going?”

Clarke just shakes her head. “I can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

Lexa scowls. She hates surprises. “If this is some sort of prank or something-”

“No, it’s nothing like that.” Clarke pauses. “Just trust me, okay?”

Lexa sees the sincerity in Clarke’s eyes and she just nods in return.

“Okay.”

They get inside Clarke’s car and Clarke rolls down the windows and drives away from Lexa’s house. Lexa hears a familiar song on the radio and she raises the volume.

“I love this song,” Clarke shouts over the wind.

Lexa grins and starts to sing along. “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,” she sings.

“Make it last forever friendship never ends.”

“If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give.”

“Talking to is too easy, but that’s the way it is.”

She and Clarke belt out the rest of the song. It’s the perfect start to summer. Singing along to songs in a speeding car with the windows down. Lexa hasn’t felt this happy in a long time.

They drive for over an hour. Lexa still has no idea where they’re going and Clarke refuses to give her any hints. Lexa notices that they’re driving towards the woods, trees surrounding them. They turn off the main road and Lexa sees signs for a park, which she guesses is where they’re going. Her guess turns out to be correct and they pull up to a parking lot. Clarke parks the car and they both get out of the car. Clarke pops open the trunk and she pulls out a picnic basket and towels. Lexa takes the basket and Clarke begins to walk with Lexa following.

“Have you ever been here before?” Clarke asks.

Lexa shakes her head. It’s beautiful out here. There are trees everywhere and grassy hills and they soon come to a huge lake with crystal blue water. Lexa is amazed.

Clarke leads them up to a grassy hill that overlooks the lake. Clarke spreads out the towel and motions for them to sit down on it. Lexa sits down and places down the basket.

“This place is beautiful,” Lexa admits.

“I thought you’d like it here,” Clarke says with a soft smile.

“I do,” Lexa says, smiling back.

Clarke takes the basket and she opens it.

“I packed us lunch,” Clarke says. She hands Lexa a sandwich. “PB&J, your favorite.”

Lexa accepts it gratefully. “Thanks.”

She and Clarke eat and just talk. They don’t really talk about anything of any particular significance but Lexa enjoys just being around Clarke.

Lexa laughs about something Clarke says and she finds Clarke looking at her with an intense expression.

“What?” Lexa asks, her laughter dying out.

Clarke motions to Lexa’s face. “You have a little peanut butter on your face.”

Lexa wipes her mouth but Clarke shakes her head.

“Here, let me.” And Clarke wipes her thumb against the corner of Lexa’s mouth. Her mouth goes dry at the sudden physical contact.

“Thanks,” she says softly but Clarke doesn’t move her hand away.

Clarke studies her with a deep expression and Lexa doesn’t know what to do. She’s frozen but she can’t tear her eyes away from Clarke.

“When I broke up with Finn, why didn’t you ask me out?” Clarke asks.

Lexa’s eyes widen and her heart begins beating a million miles an hour.

“What?” She says with a light laugh, hoping she’s misheard.

Clarke’s expression doesn’t change. “You heard me. Why didn’t you ask me out?”

Lexa pulls away from Clarke’s hand and shakes her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That’s bullshit. I’ve seen the way you look at me, the way you act around me when there’s no one around,” Clarke says.

“Feelings are weakness,” Lexa says, clenching her jaw. She does not want to be having this conversation right now.

“Drop the facade, Lexa. I know you try to act emotionless and tough but I can see right through you. I know you feel something.”

Lexa sighs. “I was scared,” she admits. “I thought you didn’t feel the same way.”

“Lexa, you are the world’s biggest idiot.”

And then Clarke leans over and kisses Lexa. Lexa lets out a breathy gasp before she puts her hands on Clarke’s face and kisses back. They kiss slowly, taking their time to explore each other’s mouths. Lexa can feel Clarke smiling into their kiss which sets off the butterflies in her stomach.

Lexa draws back after a while, breathless. Clarke views at her through hooded eyes and Lexa wants nothing more than to kiss her again.

“How long have you known?” Lexa murmurs.

“That you were into me? Or when I was into you?”

“Both.”

Clarke leans back on the blanket and Lexa scoots closer to her. Lexa begins to trace invisible patterns on Clarke’s stomach.

“I guess I realized I liked you when I was dating Finn. You were always so patient with me even though I didn’t deserve it. You were always there for me and one day, I just woke up and I realized. It took me forever for me to admit it though.”

Lexa nods and dips her head, placing a gentle kiss on Clarke’s lips. This time, it is Clarke who draws back first.

“What about you?”

“I don’t know,” Lexa admits, “I’ve known for a long time.” She sighs. “I guess I didn’t realize my feelings until the time you ditched me at the dance to go and make out with Finn. I was jealous and I had no idea why. It was only until later that I finally realized why I was jealous.”

Clarke’s eyes widen. “Lexa, that was in middle school.”

Lexa nods.

“You mean, you’ve liked me for that long?” Clarke whispers. “How did I just notice it until recently?”

Lexa smiles gently. “I did not want to admit it for a long time and I tried to not let my feelings show.”

“You should’ve told me sooner. We would’ve had so much more time together. I wouldn’t have wasted my time with Finn,” Clarke frets.

Lexa shakes her head. “It takes as long as it has to take. Do not worry, Clarke.”

Clarke sits up and hooks her hips over Lexa’s, straddling her. Clarke puts her hands on Lexa’s face and brings their mouths together. Lexa sucks on Clarke’s bottom lip.

“We have all the time in the world now,” Lexa whispers against Clarke’s lips before kissing her again.