Chapter Text
The last thing he remembers is the feeling of being torn apart.
His flesh ripping—tearing—as he screams in pain; his throat on fire.
He wanted it to end. He knew destroying the seal would kill him but this-
He didn't want to be alive anymore. He's caused so much suffering that he couldn't help but feel that he deserved this. ‘I should've killed myself long ago.’
When will it end?
When will he die?!
And as if the heavens somehow answered his desperate plea, everything suddenly went black.
When Wei Wuxian opened his eyes, he realized two things: one, he was no longer in pain, and two, he was... he actually didn't know where he was.
‘Why am I… Wh—’ He glanced around, Blinking rapidly as he tried to clear his vision. His head was throbbing and his ears were ringing.
He gripped the side of his head, waiting for the pain to subside. Why did his face feel so weird?
As he pushed through the sharp pain in his head, he looked around once more. He looked like he was in… an alley?
He was confused. He—had just died. He was relieved when he was finally able to part from the world. He didn't care where he was anymore; he just wanted to be gone.
He felt something rising within him, his body suddenly heating up. Was it panic? Fear? He didn't know. He just felt dread; like something was wrong, or that he was forgetting something, or that he wasn't supposed to be there.
It was suddenly hard to breathe. His intake became short and fast as he started gasping for air, feeling like the walls were closing in on him. He couldn't think; his head was so—so loud.
It was then that he distantly heard something, or someone. He faintly registered a hand on his shoulder and flinched away from the contact. He was so dizzy and all his mind was supplying was that whoever just touched him was trying to take him away. To where? To Gusu? Yes… Yes that must be it. They must want to punish him. Maybe he didn't die after all? Maybe the second siege on the Burial Mounds was all a dream?
Maybe... he was still alive and while he was asleep they snuck up on him? But his death felt so real. The sound of flesh being ripped apart bone to bone—
The feeling—
He suddenly shot up, bile threatening to crawl up his throat and vision blacking out for a second as he swayed on his feet. His heart was running a mile a minute and he was trying so hard to gather air that his throat was burning; chest constricting in his attempt.
“—ay?”
The sound he heard from the other person amplified the already overwhelming pain in his head.
He had to leave.
He had to get out of there so he could figure out just what the hell was happening to him.
Didn't he just die?
Why isn't he dead?!?
“Hey!” the person standing a few feet away from him raised their voice.
He started shaking his head as he backed up, stumbling to get away.
“Listen to me! It's okay, you need to breathe!” they spoke again, concern lacing their voice as they slowly walked towards him with their arms outstretched, as if they were trying to corner a wounded animal.
All Wei Wuxian could hear however was warped, muffled sounds. It felt like he was underwater. It didn't even register in his brain that whoever was in front of him was trying to help him.
‘Help? Who would want to help me? Everyone's against me--no one was ever on my side.’
‘They just want to take me back and lock me up. That's the only place for a monster like me…’
He felt his back hit the wall. Then, as if all of his strength left his body, he fell down to the ground, tears threatening to fall down his face from the sheer amount of panic he was in. Suddenly the other person was right in front of him. Thankfully they didn't try to touch him again after the first attempt, and they started speaking to him in a coaxing manner. “Listen to me. Can you match your breathing to mine? It's okay; you're okay.”
It seemed to work for a second until he realized he shouldn't let his guard down. That's what they want.
He turned his head away and started shuffling his feet in a pathetic attempt to push himself further into the wall, trying to make himself smaller in hopes that they'd finally leave him alone.
“I'm not going to hurt you; it's okay, I won't touch you,” they pleaded. “Can you focus on what's around you? What do you feel?”
‘What do I feel…?’
He tried to take in his surroundings. He felt... hungry and exhausted. Now that he got a hold of himself to some extent, he realized just how drained he was.
It took a while, but he gradually felt his heart slow down and his breathing even out--even if some of his breaths were still unsteady.
“Do you feel better now?”
He let out a shaky breath. His head was still throbbing and his vision was still a little blurry, but it wasn't as bad as before. He just wanted to sleep.
‘When was the last time I even had a proper night's rest?’
“Okay, you don't have to say anything.” the person, in which Wei Wuxian belatedly realized was a girl, spoke to him once again. “What are you doing here alone? Where are your parents?”
‘Parents…? Why is she asking that as if…’
“Hello?”
Wei Wuxian then glanced up and focused on the features of the girl in front of him. She was a beautiful maiden with fairly dark skin and—
‘Wen… Qing…?’
But--But that's impossible she--
Wen Qing is dead.
His eyes widened as he took in her face. She looked a lot younger. In fact, she looked too young—like a child around ten or eleven.
The new discovery did absolutely nothing to clear up his confusion and Wen Qing seemed to notice as she spoke again, albeit more roughly this time. “Hey, why don't you come back with me? You look pretty shaken up.”
As much as he didn't want to trust anyone, this was Wen Qing. Someone from his family that was rough at times, but actually cared deeply for him. She was there for him when no one else was. She wouldn't harm him.
He forced his aching limbs to stand up. It took Wen Qing helping him by grabbing his arm for him to finally be able to stand up straight again.
Now that he thought about it…
‘I was always taller than Wen Qing—why is she now standing above me?’
At this point he didn't care anymore. He was too exhausted from the events that just transpired to try and piece everything together in his head.
He slowly stood and started following Wen Qing out of the alley and into the streets of what appeared to be… Yiling?
Luckily it was night time and there weren't many people out wandering the streets. He never really liked crowds, and it only got worse ever since he started living in the Burial Mounds, when his paranoia was at its peak.
The reason as to why Wen Qing was here though and what she was doing, he could never guess.
But he at least decided for now that he could trust her.
Hours later, as he was sitting on a bed in one of the many inns with bandages wrapped in various places on his body, he decided to make sense of the situation he was in.
He woke up in an alley in Yiling after… dying. Then he met a younger Wen Qing who was there to pick up an order of special herbs and they just so happened to cross paths. As for the rest of what was going on…
He eyed the mirror that was mounted on the wall and slowly stood up and walked towards it.
“What?!”
He couldn't help but shout out loud, hoping Wen Qing didn't hear him.
He touched his face again as he stared at his reflection in the bronze mirror.
‘No wonder my face felt so weird earlier—it's because I'm a—a child!’
How? Just what-' He was stunned for a moment as he processed the discovery.
‘I recognized the alley I was in… Wasn't that--where I used to live before Uncle Jiang found me?? If that's the case then I'm probably around 9 right now. ‘If what I think is true then I must have…’
The only logical explanation for this would be that he went back in time after he died… But that makes no sense—he should be dead.
‘No… No, no, no, no, I-I don't want to live through everything again… Everything was my fault--everyone died because of me.’
What kind of sick joke did fate decide to play on him? Was this his punishment? To live through all of his mistakes and be slandered and cast aside again until he had no choice but to kill himself?
‘I can't do this. Not again. I can't bear to—I can't face anyone. Not after what I've done.’
His eyes suddenly traveled back up to the mirror in front of him, stopping at his reflection.
‘Monster,’ a voice inside his head supplied.
‘That's right, everything was your fault!’ another one shouted at him.
A third, more sinister voice made itself known, its words echoing loudly inside his head. ‘Imagine how happy everyone was that you’ve finally died, but now you're here alive! It's not fair for you to get a second chance when your Shijie—’
He punched the mirror, glass shattering all around him. Blood trickled from the fresh cuts on his hand, but he could barely feel it.
He picked up one of the bigger shards, mesmerized by his broken reflection in the glass. He couldn't look away. As if he was in a trance, he slowly brought the shard towards himself and—
“STOP!”
He heard the door burst open.
Wen Qing ran up to him faster than he ever thought she could and quickly tore the shard from his hand, throwing it onto the vanity behind her.
She grabbed his shoulders and yelled at him, the slightest hint of fear in her voice. “What were you doing!?” her brows were knit tightly together in thought, an indecipherable look in her eyes.
“I—”
He felt the words get caught in his throat. He what? What was he planning on doing?
Wen Qing spoke first, however. “You idiot! What were you trying to do?!”
Ah… As insane as he must sound, he missed her scolding him like this even though she was 10 years younger than he's used to.
She let out a sigh. “Come sit back down okay?”
He nodded without saying a word and let Wen Qing guide him to the bed. He sat down, eyes focusing on nothing as he let her bandage his hand.
She thought for a moment before speaking, “My name is Wen Qing, what should I call you?” she asked without looking up from where she was wrapping the bandages.
“Wei Wuxian…” He winced at how hoarse his voice sounded. It was the first time he had spoken since waking up since his death, and he was shocked at how high it was; not deep like he was used to. He couldn't bring himself to say any more than that.
During the last couple years leading up to his death, the resentful energy as well as the accumulated stress and lack of sleep caused his mentality to shatter. He found himself snapping more often. Some days he couldn't get out of bed, and other days he found himself staring at nothing for hours, body numb and detached from the world around him. He would only become aware again when it was already dark out and Wen Qing came to deliver his dinner.
Now, however, he felt nothing. He was tired and his mind was a mess; the whispering and pleading voices of the ghosts from the Burial Mounds growing louder. He guessed even after death he'd never be able to escape them.
Wen Qing noticed his silence and decided to leave him alone after she saw the faraway look in his eyes. She wondered what a kid his age could have gone through for him to be so traumatized. As a doctor—albeit young—she'd seen her fair share of shaken up individuals. But never had she seen someone so… Empty. For some reason, she felt the need to protect this boy. Perhaps it was because he reminded her of her younger brother, but whatever the reason may be, she wanted to help him.
It had been a week since Wen Qing found Wei Wuxian on the streets, and he had been feeling a lot better. He still had scarring on his right hand due to the cuts being a lot deeper than expected, and Wen Qing said that they would probably fade but wouldn't ever fully go away. He didn't really care though; it was just some scars.
Over the course of the week he was with Wen Qing, he had been talking more to her. It took a lot longer than it would usually take him to warm up to someone like in the past, but he was getting better. They had gotten a lot closer and he even took to calling her ‘Qing-Jie’, in which she hotly refuted the first couple times, but later let it slide. He had more or less come to terms with the situation he was currently in, and the time he spent alone while Wen Qing was out during the day gave him a lot of time to think and gather his thoughts.
He had decided on three things: first, never get brought to lotus pier by Uncle Jiang. Second, try to change as much of the future as possible. And third, avoid everyone. It was because of him that they suffered so much after all.
As he sat back, content with his plan, he heard the door open as Wen Qing walked in. She tossed him something from the many items in her arms and he caught it with ease, throwing her a questioning glance.
“Robes,” she answered as she put the other miscellaneous items on the bed. “The ones you have are all torn up so I took the liberty of getting you a new set. I hope black is okay.”
Wei Wuxian unfolded the robes to get a good look at them. He smiled as he studied the patterns. ‘Qing-Jie sure has good taste huh.’
“Thanks Qing-Jie,” he beamed at her. ”I guess this is a parting gift since you're going back to Qishan today, right?” He tried not to let his disappointment show.
“Whatever you wanna tell yourself,” she rolled her eyes. She stared at him for a moment before sighing, “What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?” He blinked innocently at her.
“Don’t play coy with me Wei Wuxian, you know what I mean.” She flicked him lightly on the forehead.
He brought his hands up to his head and whined in mock hurt before slowly lowering them back down into his lap. “I don't know, I'll probably find a job to get some money and then travel as a rogue cultivator or something.”
“But how do you plan on doing that? You're just a kid, and as far as I know you don't even have a golden core.” She crossed her arms as she raised her eyebrows, clearly wondering how an orphan like himself who had been living on the streets until just recently could suddenly make a living.
“Listen, you don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine.”
“Who said I was worried?!” She turned around, arms still over her chest, and if Wei Wuxian noticed the slight tint of red on her ears, he didn't say anything.
“Thank you, Wen Qing,” he said all of a sudden.
Wen Qing turned to face him. Sometimes Wei Wuxian said things that surprised her; he often sounded too old for his age, which made her wonder just what a kid like him could have been through for him to be the way he was.
“Don't thank me, you idiot,” she sighed. “And what happened to Qing-Jie huh?” she feigned mock disappointment as Wei Wuxian was laughing softly from his seat.
Two hours later, clean and donning his new robes, Wei Wuxian found himself in front of the inn he had stayed at for the week alongside Wen Qing. “Thank you for helping me Qing-Jie. I really do appreciate it,” he saluted as he gave her a small smile—as much as he could muster at the moment. ‘Staying with her really helped me more than she would ever understand. I'm grateful I had the chance to meet her again.’ He straightened from his salute and added, “One day I promise I'll pay you back.”
Wen Qing turned to face the street. “We'll see about that.” She took a step forward and waved over her shoulder. “Till we meet again, Wei Wuxian.”
‘Till we meet again.’
He was sad to watch her go, but he couldn't afford company right now. There were some things that he needed to do alone so he could ensure everyone of a safe future. He would do anything to right his wrongs and atone for his sins—no matter the price.
He started walking in the opposite direction that Wen Qing took, letting his feet carry him along the familiar road. The sun was high in the sky, meaning that the streets were flooded with people of all kinds meandering about looking at the many stands and restaurants lining the street. He tried to slip through the dense crowd but his small body only made it easier for him to get shoved around. ‘Curse this small body. I really want to get out of this crowd.’
He managed to break through, but his victory was short-lived when he bumped into the back of a tall man in white robes and fell right onto his tailbone. He used his hands on reflex to stop his fall which resulted in a jolt of pain running through his palms. Wei Wuxian winced and before he could stop himself, he seethed a little from the shock. The man turned around quickly and when he noticed the boy at his feet, he hurriedly kneeled down. “I'm so sorry! Are you okay?” He heard the boy groan when he fell and when he saw his face and the bandages on his hands, something clicked inside his head. This boy looked familiar. The man pushed that thought aside and carefully placed his hand on Wei Wuxian’s shoulder and paused when he felt him stiffen.
“I'm fine,” Wei Wuxian whispered quietly. He didn't know why he was feeling so anxious. He stood up and brushed his robes off, saluting the man before walking again, leaving him behind.
“Wait—” The man caught up to him easily in two strides, walking beside him as he questioned, “Where are your parents?” He studied Wei Wuxians features for a moment before the younger spoke,
“Dead.”
The man's mouth parted slightly and Wei Wuxian heard his small intake of air. He was exhausted already and wanted the man to just leave him alone, but of course, life wasn't so easy. The man seemed to recover and ponder something for a moment before he spoke again. “Are you hungry? How about we go to a place around here? My treat.” He was hoping he didn't sound weird for suddenly proposing to buy food for a stranger, especially a child at that. He didn't know why but he felt a strange sense of familiarity with this child. But if his hunch was correct…
Wei Wuxian kept walking but glanced up at him. The man must've taken his gaze for suspicion, so he added, “If you think I can't afford it then don't worry. I actually run a shop around here; believe it or not, it's quite popular amongst cultivators.” He flashed Wei Wuxian a warm smile, most likely in an attempt to get him to trust him, but Wei Wuxian wasn't easily convinced. He thought for a moment about what the man's offer entailed. On one hand, this could be good; he’s been thinking of possible places where he could earn a living and it seemed like an offer had presented itself—if he could convince the man he’d be useful. But on the other hand, he shouldn’t be too quick to trust strangers, especially in a place like Yiling. He’s heard plenty of stories about kids being abducted and being used for God knows what. He wasn’t really too keen on starting something he couldn't get himself out of. ‘Speaking of which, I need to start cultivating my core soon. I think I formed mine around twelve or thirteen? Curse my poor memory. But if I can form it a few years earlier… It will certainly help me in the long run.’
Wei Wuxian opened his mouth to decline his request, but before he could say anything else, the man beat him to it. “I’m not trying to scare you, you just looked like you were having a hard time with the crowd earlier. I am not too fond of them either, and if you’re worried about me trying something, we can go to a rather populated restaurant if that makes you more comfortable.” His eyes, Wei Wuxian noticed, shined with understanding.
Wei Wuxian thought for a moment. He really had no better options, so he answered the man as he willed his small hands to stop shaking. “Okay…” The man gave him a relieved smile in response, obviously elated that he accepted. His smile felt… comforting. He was almost like Lan Xichen in a way; soft-spoken and warm.
Wei Wuxian followed a couple steps beside the man, studying his features and how he carried himself gracefully through the busy hustle and bustle of the passersby. He had smooth features with a sharp jawline and handsome face. He kind of reminded him of Lan Zhan, but Wei Wuxian really didn’t want to think of the man who he once naively thought to be his friend.
When they arrived, Wei Wuxian took in the restaurant in front of him. It was fairly busy, so Wei Wuxian concluded that this was probably one of the more popular locations on this side of town. The building itself was rather modest, not as extravagant as some of the other places near here, though he felt that this place somehow suited the man who brought him here--who he had yet to find out the name of.
They made their way inside and conversed with the hostess for a minute before being led near the back. It wasn’t until they were seated did the man finally speak. “So, would you mind if I ask of your name?” he smiled politely, an opening in his words giving Wei Wuxian a way out if he chose not to answer. Wei Wuxian fumbled with his hands as he thought for a moment. Right now he wasn’t the terrifying Yiling Laozu that the Cultivation World had painted him as before he died, so he didn’t really see the need to deny this man a common courtesy such as his name.
“Wei Ying, courtesy Wuxian,” he smiled lightly. If he hadn't been hyper aware of his surroundings, he probably would've missed the flash of recognition in the man's eyes, which left as quickly as it came. Maybe he imagined it?
“Wei Wuxian,” he nodded his head slightly in response, “I am Xiao Xingchen.”
‘Xiao Xingchen? Where have I heard that name before…’
His next words, however, surprised him. “I believe I knew your mother,” he spoke as if talking about the weather. Wei Wuxians eyes widened, taking in this startling information and waiting to speak again until after they gave their orders to the waitress.
“My mother?” He tried to hide his excitement—for all he knew, this Xiao Xingchen could have just been saying that to appear more friendly. But when he spoke again, Wei Wuxian was quickly proven wrong.
“Yes… Cangse Sanren, correct? Your mother was my Shijie.” Xiao Xingchen glanced at Wei Wuxian and couldn’t help but smile at the hardly restrained awe in the child's eyes.
Wei Wuxian couldn’t help it though—in all his life he had only ever heard stories and gossip of his parents through the grapevine from some of the Yunmeng residents. Madam Yu never hid her distaste for his biological parents and Uncle Jiang… Well… nevertheless, he just never had the chance to ask about them—or dared to.
He now saw the man in front of him in a new light. He assumed he was probably another one of Baoshan Sanren’s few disciples that left the mountain for the mortal world around the same time that his mother did. His previous suspicion was thrown out the window, forgotten in place of the many questions that now filled his head. Xiao Xingchen must have noticed this, for he laughed lightly. He could practically feel the question in the air, and after noticing Wei Wuxians hesitance, he decided to break the silence. “Would you like to know about them?” He was rewarded with Wei Wuxians eager nod.
Time seemed to fly by with Wei Wuxian asking questions and Xiao Xingchen quickly answering. By the time their food arrived, Wei Wuxian was in a much better mood than before—the new information of what his mother was like as a disciple fresh in his head.
“So you're telling me,” Wei Wuxian laughed as he swallowed another mouthful of food, “that my mother went as far as sneaking out in the middle of the night to fill his room with rabbits?” He wiped tears from his eyes.
“Yes,” Xiao Xingchen was laughing as well. “They really disliked each other at first--and the fact that Lu Yang was terrified of the little creatures made it even better.”
“But they're rabbits! Who doesn't love rabbits?!” Wei Wuxian hadn't felt so content in a long time. He kept asking himself how he had never had the chance to meet this man in his past life. He liked talking to Xiao Xingchen—he had a very calming presence, and he could tell his values were strong.
A comfortable silence fell over them as they finished the last of their food, giving Wei Wuxian a moment to gather his thoughts. Not long after, he finally broke the silence, his face settled into one of seriousness. “Shishu,” he began. Xiao Xingchen had insisted on Wei Wuxian calling him that, because he was his martial uncle after all. “I would like to offer my help in your business.” He put down his bowl and waited for Xiao Xingchen to say something. Surprisingly, Xiao Xingchen kept a rather relaxed face. Wei Wuxian had expected surprise, discomfort, reluctance, or anything along those lines really.
He got increasingly nervous the longer the silence stretched and started rambling. “Of course you can decline if you feel like I'm not useful or I'd be a hindrance. I was just asking because I've been looking for a place to make a living recently and just thought that maybe I could try to ask you but you can really say no! Don't even worry about it—in fact, pretend I never said anything—” He stopped when Xiao Xingchen held up his hand. ‘Shoot; I said too much didn't I? Way to go Wei Ying, now you've lost a perfectly good chance—’ Before he could spiral any further into his thoughts however, Xiao Xingchen spoke.
“I was actually about to ask you that myself.”
‘Huh? Did I hear that right?’
“Forgive my silence; I was just a bit taken aback, is all. After meeting you, I have realized that I cannot just let you go to live a life without guidance.” He smiled at Wei Wuxian. “I would be delighted to take you in until you are old enough to travel on your own.”
Wei Wuxian felt his eyes sting with held back tears as Xiao Xingchen stood, gesturing for Wei Wuxian to stand as well. Wei Wuxian bowed lowly as he thanked him.
“Thank you very much Shishu—you will not regret this.”
Xiao Xingchen’s residence certainly stood out. It was located in a bigger, nicer part of town with a large courtyard. When they entered, Wei Wuxian scanned his eyes over the abundance of flora and little ponds throughout the yard. It was quiet and serene, as expected of Xiao Xingchen's home.
When they entered the main hall, he turned towards the right and they started down a long hallway. They soon stopped in front of a door, and they stepped inside once Xiao Xingchen opened it. “This is where you will be staying.”
Wei Wuxian walked forward as he took in the bedroom. It was very spacious, with a big bed and a separate seating area along with a screen separating that section and another. Xiao Xingchen spoke into the space behind him, “I hope it is to your liking. We talked for so long that I completely lost track of time, so I think I will excuse myself for the night. I notified a servant in advance before our arrival, so there is a tub behind the screen and clean robes by the bed.”
“Thank you Shishu, I hope you have a good night.” He bowed his head. Xiao Xingchen smiled and nodded at him before leaving the way they came and closing the door behind him. Wei Wuxian let out a breath and welcomed the solitude.
After he bathed and was in his bed, he felt himself fighting to keep his eyes open. Today took a lot more out of him than he thought, what with everything that he hadn't been expecting. This was good though; he now no longer had to worry about where he was going to sleep or if he would have food that day. He could finally start to put his plan into motion. He felt the lull of sleep pulling at him, and he couldn't help but sigh contentedly.
‘Ah… Finally, my head is quiet.’