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Lutwidge Academy looks the same. Even though Elliot’s gone, and Leo’s lost his mind, the flowers growing outside the school are as bright as ever. The students roaming the colourful campus still chat and laugh without a care in the world.
Leo feels out of place, unwanted, like a bloodstain on a white sheet.
Vincent offered to come with him, but Leo refused. “You don’t belong there,” he said.
Vincent hadn’t argued.
Before, when Leo walked through these hallways, people only noticed him when he was with Elliot. Now, they seem to notice the noble’s absence, like Leo is missing part of his body. The whispers rise up all around him.
“Did you hear?”
“...That Elliot guy…”
“...It was really sudden…”
“...I heard that he…”
“...Yeah, he’s dead.”
Leo tries to block them out, but he’s never been very good at that. Instead, he just hunches his shoulders and continues on his way. Before he knows it, he’s at the door to their room. His hand shakes a little as he lays it on top of the doorknob.
What are you so scared of? Levi’s voice echoes in his mind. No one will be there.
I think that’s what he’s scared of, says Oswald.
Leo pushes the door open. The room is empty, the window open, curtains fluttering in the soft afternoon breeze. He wanders instinctively to the bookshelf, puts a fallen encyclopedia back in its place, runs his finger along the expensive wood. There’s a fine layer of dust over everything, and Leo finds it all too fitting. No legitimate Nightrays remain to come for Elliot’s belongings, and of course, Leo has no one left.
His bed, unused even before Elliot’s death, is still piled high with books. There’s only one book on Elliot’s bed, though; one of the Holy Knight volumes. And, sticking out of the top of it is…
Leo’s heart stops for a moment when he sees it. A bookmark, thick leather in navy and gold. He doesn’t have to pull it out of the book to know that it has a depiction of Edwin and Edgar from Holy Knight on it. The bookmark was a gift Leo gave Elliot a few months ago. Elliot never said outright that he liked the gift; of course, that was never Elliot’s style. But Leo had never seen Elliot use a different bookmark since.
Leo picks up the book, brushing dust from its lacquered cover. Holy Knight XXI. The twenty-first volume, the most recent one. Elliot was re-reading it in preparation for the release of volume twenty-two.
Elliot would have used the bookmark when it came out, wouldn’t he…?
Leo doesn’t realize his hands are shaking until the book slips from his grasp. It tumbles across the bed and onto the floor as Leo grasps at his aching chest. His heart is beating all wrong, grief coursing through him in waves with every thump. Even though Elliot’s gone, and Leo’s lost his mind, the new book will still come out.
Oh boy, says Levi. Here come the waterworks.
Leo despises it when Levi is right.
He lowers himself to the floor before he can collapse. Nausea is rising from the pit of his stomach, mingling with the grief that is still sending shock waves through every cell of his body. Leo grits his teeth as the tears begin to drip down his cheeks. He doesn’t deserve to cry, to mourn someone who would be alive right now if it wasn’t for him. Leo hugs himself, digs his fingernails into his sides, bites his tongue, trying to stop the tears from falling.
It doesn’t work. Leo buries his face in the dusty covers and sobs, broken and raw. His mind flashes; a sea of crimson, a stark contrast against cold stone tiles. The venerated Nightray rapier, discarded, its blade still dripping. Elliot’s brilliant blue eyes, half-open, devoid of light. Blood blossoming in the sandy hair that Leo always ran his hands through. Blood trickling from the lips Leo loved to kiss. Blood everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.
Leo screams and cries until he has nothing left, until he can barely move or think, until all he has is the reluctant beating of his heart and the floor under his hollow shell of a body. His throat is raw, his cheeks feverish and wet. The other Glens are silent; for once, even Levi has nothing to say.
Once his eyes come back into focus, Leo notices something on the floor a few feet from his face. Holy Knight XXI , on its side, the bookmark beside it. Holding onto the bed frame like a lifeline, Leo pulls himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, legs trembling.
Finally, one of the Glens speaks. Okay, enough of this.
Leo doesn’t flinch at Levi’s tone. Instead, he manages to stand, and returns Holy Knight XXI to its proper place on the bookshelf. He moves the tear-soaked blanket, too, leaving it folded in the corner of the room. The bed looks empty now, but it won't for much longer, Leo realizes. Two new spots have opened up in Lutwidge Academy’s best dorm. It’s just a matter of time until their room is stripped of dust and memories, and offered to someone else.
Another noble and their valet, most likely. Maybe the noble will have a passion for fantasy books as fiery as his temper. Maybe the valet will have a soft smile that only comes out when he’s around his master. Maybe they’ll fill one bed with books and the other with cuddles and warmth. Maybe they won’t care what anyone thinks and just push the two beds together.
Or maybe they’ll sleep separately. Maybe they won’t know what Holy Knight is. Maybe they won’t be in love. Maybe they’ll go through their days at Lutwidge without thinking of Headhunters, knights, chains, or disembodied voices. And maybe, as the years go by and the trees they once kissed under rot away, people will start to forget that Elliot and Leo existed.
The thought is both comforting and terrifying. Leo wants to be forgotten, erased from existence, expunged from history. But Elliot is different. His bravery, his mind, his skill, his smile… Elliot deserved more from the world. If he can’t live, he at least deserves to be remembered.
The bookmark is still on the floor. Leo kneels down to pick it up, and tucks it behind the bookshelf, pushing it as far back as he can.
Even after Elliot’s body has been reduced to ash, even after Leo and Gil and anyone who knows his name is six feet under, a tiny shard of Elliot’s soul will live on.