Work Text:
You always loved the rare moments you were able to come to the studio to see Jungkook record, so when he asked you to come today to hear what he and Yoongi had been working on for Bangtan’s Webtoon, you were excited. Perusal you made yourself comfortable on the sofa and sat back out of everyone’s way, making small conversation with Yoongi as Jungkook got warmed up.
You listened intently when things began, Jungkook’s voice something that never ceased to amaze you, so you didn’t think much of it when tears began to prick your eyes. You ignored it and sighed, a small smile turning your lips as you watched Jungkook. They wrapped up the first take, stopping with some notes and suggestions and then going again; though it seemed Jungkook was focused on figuring out how to capture the last lines of the song in a way he enjoyed.
“Please, you stay alive”
Your eyebrows furrowed, your nose scrunched a bit, and your face grew a bit hot; though you weren’t sure if it was because of the tears or the embarrassment you felt, finding yourself on the verge of heavy tears behind everyone.
It sucked feeling like this.
Not wanting to interrupt or distract the others, you quietly got up to leave the studio; pressing the door closed as carefully as your could before letting out a shaky exhale. Aimlessly you wandered down the hall, hoping no one would cross your path before you made it somewhere to be alone. You settled at the small waiting area near the elevators, not wanting to stray too far from Jungkook so you get back in time- hopefully, he wouldn’t even notice you had left. You sat down near the windows, looking over the vibrant city outside, despite not being to enjoy or feel it as well. It all felt so heavy, your body and mind- like it had come out of nowhere and begun to drag you down. It wasn’t a new feeling, you were quite familiar with this, but it had been a long time since you found yourself just shutting down like this.
You had always been a giver. Even as a child you sought to make others happy, to be as warm and loving as you could. When your friends had trouble they came to you for help and you always gave everything you could to help them. You loved them. When your parents went through rough times you were there for them to lean on, to listen, and be their light until better times. You were always there for Jungkook as well, his number one supporter in and out of the group's activities.
But often, when it was your turn to face hardship you found yourself less than satisfied. Some of your friends offered comfort, but not the kind you craved. It was all brief, but maybe it was supposed to be that way. Jungkook did too, and it helped, but sometimes you felt bad because no matter how much Jungkook helped and talked you through things, sometimes you just couldn’t pull yourself out of it.
Stay alive. You thought, had you heard anyone say those words aloud before? When did you start needing to hear it? Your shoulders rocked with a heavy, pent-up sob. The tears fall involuntarily down your face and your bottom lip trembles as you covered your face.
You knew Jungkook would listen, he always did, but your mind was telling you it was unfair to unload these feelings to him when you barely understood them yourself. He had his own life going on, he didn’t have time to worry about you between his work and life. You told yourself just to be there and support him like you always did, but even now you found yourself struggling to be there. You wanted to go home and crawl into a hole, go to sleep, and just escape the real world.
“Hey.”
How long had you been sitting here crying?
Jungkook approached you, seemingly ready to leave. “Hey, are you alright?” Jungkook tilted his head as he stopped in front of you.
You bite your lip as your eyes begin to water all over. “I’m sorry I…” your voice wavered, “sorry to keep you wanting...” You moved to stand up, but Jungkook put a hand on your shoulder and knelt beside you.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“I’m fine, really I just-”
“I can tell somethings up, what’s wrong?” Jungkook wore a small frown, “whatever it is you can talk to me if you need to, you know that.”
“It just never knew I needed to hear someone to tell me to stay alive” you admitted, voice wobbly. Your surroundings began to blur and Suga’s comforting voice was getting quieter and quieter as you tried to push down all the feelings rumbling inside you. A stray tear slipped down your cheek and soon more began to fall rapidly. Your lip quivered as if you were a child again, your breathing quickened, and your throat was beginning to burn from your silent sobs. “I’m sorry-”
But you felt his hands on your shoulders before one moved to tilt your head up to face him. His eyebrows were knit together in confusion, his eyes searching your face with concern. “Hey” he began, voice soft and quiet. “It’s okay to cry.”
That was all you needed to hear before the dam behind your eyes crumbled and a rush of heat hit your face. You cried again. Your mouth began to dry and your throat began to feel raw the longer you went on. He wrapped his arms tight around you, trapping you into a hug.
He wanted to say so much to you, reassure you and help you understand your feelings and solve them. But for now, he knew he needed to remain quiet, to just be there for you.
He wouldn’t say anything more, he'd just let you cry.