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"Come on, we'll head to my hotel room first so you can get cleaned up before you go home."
Josuke numbly followed Jotaro out of the car. He didn't even care that they were heading through a lobby with people who would notice their rough state at the moment, or that his hair was pretty messed up.
He hadn't expected this mission to hit him so hard but it seemed like since the fight with Kira, there were certain things that would just set him off. Today, though, had been the worst yet. If Jotaro hadn't been there when Josuke froze up…
He shook it off. It had been embarrassing to freeze in front of Jotaro, but at the same time, the older man seemed to have chosen to ignore it, for which Josuke was thankful.
He blinked, coming back to reality as he heard the click of a key in a door, realizing they had gotten to Jotaro's suite already.
Jotaro ushered him inside, turning on lights and heading over to the bathroom. "Go ahead and take your shower first," he told Josuke. "I'll let you borrow some clothes."
Josuke looked down. His school jacket for one had been torn at both elbows, and his undershirt too, not to mention everything was covered in soot…
He shook himself and nodded a little shakily. "Thanks," he managed to croak. The sooner he got the smell of burning off of him, the better.
Jotaro rummaged quickly through the drawers and came up with what looked to be a track suit, handing it to Josuke. "There's clean towels in the bathroom."
Josuke nodded and quickly retreated. As soon as he was alone inside the small room, his chest tightened and he started shaking. He forced himself to move, turning the shower on, putting the clean clothes on the closed toilet to keep them dry, pulling the dirty, smoke-scented clothes off and discarding them in a pile on the corner.
He tried to push the memories away as the hot water hit him, but the sudden wave of heat reminded him all too much of what he was trying to forget. Why did there have to be so many Stand users who liked to blow things up?
His hair stuck to his neck, bangs falling wet over his face. His hands shook as he tried to get the soap to wash himself with, to erase the stench of smoke.
His fingers grazed over the scar on his side, raised and tight, and his hand shook harder, squeezing his eyes against the phantom pain and the memories that assaulted him.
It wasn't like they'd failed the mission today. Everyone had gotten away safely, but there'd been the crashed car on fire, thanks to the Stand user, and by the time Josuke and Jotaro had gotten there the two high school boys were fighting to get out. Jotaro had quickly used Star Platinum to free them, dragging them away from the car before it could explode.
They almost got away in time. The blast had knocked all of them to the ground and Josuke had come to—ears ringing in a horrifyingly familiar way to one of the boys screaming for his friend to wake up, shaking him.
It brought back too many memories for Josuke, holding Okuyasu's lifeless body, begging him to wake up after he had healed him, dragging him to the house because he refused to leave him on the street.
He'd frozen during the fight, leaving Jotaro to have to take out the Stand user solo. In the end, both boys had been fine, just like Oku had, and Josuke had healed all their minor injuries.
But that didn't erase the feeling, the terror that still assaulted Josuke when he least wanted to be reminded. It didn't erase the nightmares he still woke up to where Okuyasu hadn't woken up again.
His legs began to shake so hard he was forced to sit down and let the water beat down against his back as a sob escaped his throat unbidden. He was doing it again, he thought he had been over this, but it seemed the terror was destined to come back no matter how hard he tried not to think about it again.
So there he was, crying in a shower in Jotaro's hotel room, and he couldn't do anything to stop it.
~~~~~~
Jotaro glanced up at the clock over by the bed, furrowing his brow. Josuke had been in the shower for nearly thirty minutes and the water was still running. He might have expected him to take a little extra time to try and fix his hair again without any of his usual products, but this was somewhat annoying, considering that Jotaro would also like to wash the soot from the explosion off of himself. He should have grabbed a wet towel out of the bathroom before the teen got in there maybe.
When Josuke's shower stretched another ten minutes, he finally got up and went over to rap on the door with his knuckle.
"Josuke? Are you going to be done in there any time—"
He stopped as he heard a sound mostly muffled by the falling water, but one that sounded suspiciously like a sob. A sound cut off and muffled even further as if someone had tried to hide it by pressing their hand over their mouth.
Jotaro felt something in his chest tighten. The kid had definitely looked rattled after the mission today, and he had reason to be. Of course it had to be another Stand user with some kind of explosive power. Not nearly as powerful as Kira had been, but still, he understood more than anyone how your brain could react after a traumatic experience.
It wasn't like he hadn't had his own moment breaking down in the shower where he thought no one would hear him…
~~~~~~
For the most part, Jotaro had been able to keep himself together on the trip home. He was just mostly numb. Maybe he was still processing everything.
But the second he walked back through the door to his home, saw his mother, alive and well, everything had just come crashing down on him, relief first, and then the rest because the instant Jotaro opened up to any emotion at all, they all flooded in, which is why he hated showing any emotions whatsoever.
He channeled all of them into holding his mom tight. He got through dinner, while listening to his grandfather relate a brief version of what had happened. He made it until everyone went to sleep.
Then he felt everything pressing in so hard he could barely breathe. He got up, hurried to run a shower, and used the sound of the water as a cover to hide the sobs that choked out of him.
He couldn't remember the last time he cried like this. It didn't feel good. It should have been relieving, but instead it just made him feel worse. His still healing injuries stung under the hot water, his strained muscles pulling with the convulsions of his sobbing. It was all too much, everything had been too much. And it all boiled down to him wondering why he was here, why he was allowed to go home, but Kakyoin and Avdol weren't.
He didn't know how long he sat there, sobs muffled by the fall of the water—he thought—but by the time he was done, his skin was pink from the steam, thankfully hiding the blotchy tearstains on his cheeks. He wasn't sure he felt better at all, but it was better to break down here, where no one would see him, where he wouldn't have to answer anyone's questions.
He couldn't stay there all night, though. Someone would find him eventually. So he forced himself to move, get up, get dressed, pull himself together again.
"Jotaro?"
Jotaro froze. The instant he stepped out of the heat into the cold of the rest of the house and saw his mother standing there with a look of concern on her face it nearly broke him again.
"Jotaro, sweetheart, are you okay?" she asked.
He couldn't reply because if he opened his mouth the tears would only start again and he couldn't, he couldn't…
But Holly just took him by the hand and led him toward the kitchen where she started making him a cup of tea. He just stood there, feeling impossibly small, watching his mother work, trying to focus on her hands, then she turned back to him.
"It's okay to not be okay, Jotaro," she told him softly.
Something snapped inside of him and he had to lower himself to the ground, too exhausted to stand. His back pressed against the cupboards and he pushed a hand over his mouth in an attempt to hold in the emotions that still weren't done tormenting him apparently.
"Oh, sweetheart."
Holly instantly sat beside him and pulled him into her arms. He was so much bigger than the last time she had done that, but he scrunched himself almost in half so he could rest his head on her shoulder.
"You don't have to talk about it unless you need to," she said, stroking his damp hair. "But I'm always here for you, JoJo. Whatever you need."
Jotaro's breath hitched and she held him closer. Ideally, he knew it wouldn't change anything, but it also wasn't bad to have someone there to help him carry the burden.
He hadn't talked that night, but knowing he had someone who would listen who wouldn't judge him—or would judge him less than himself—when he broke down, had meant everything in that moment.
Maybe he could offer Josuke the same. He wasn't nearly as good at the emotional crap as his mom, of course, but he could be there at least.
Jotaro went over to the kitchenette to make some tea.
~~~~~~
Josuke almost didn't want to leave the bathroom at all now. Mortification piled onto the pain he was already feeling. Had Jotaro really heard him crying in the shower? How humiliating, and on top of everything else. Jotaro probably wouldn't want to look at him ever again.
But he couldn't stay in Jotaro's bathroom forever either, so he curbed the emotions, dried himself off and dressed in the borrowed clothes that were way too big for him. He couldn't do anything with his hair so he just slicked it back from his forehead. He looked insanely pitiful with his hair a mess, and Jotaro's sweatshirt sleeves hanging down to his fingertips. Today probably couldn't get any worse.
He wanted to just slink out before Jotaro could engage him, but the older man looked up as soon as he opened the bathroom door and Josuke saw him setting two steaming mugs onto the coffee table.
"Josuke," Jotaro called. "Would you like a cup of tea?"
Josuke stood there, having no clue what to do, but his feet finally started forward and he took a seat on the couch. Jotaro pressed one of the cups into his hands. Josuke held it, feeling the warmth seep into him, staring at the steam that rose from the liquid.
"Are you hurt anywhere?" Jotaro asked him.
Josuke licked his lips before shaking his head. "No. M'fine."
Jotaro sat in a chair opposite the couch, his own cup of tea held between his hands. Josuke brought his to his mouth and took a sip, waiting for Jotaro to say something. He didn't and Josuke began to feel more and more agitated until he finally set the tea aside.
"Jotaro, I…I'm…"
"You don't have to say anything, Josuke," Jotaro cut in before he could get out whatever he had been trying to say—honestly Josuke wasn't entirely sure himself. "I'm sure today wasn't easy after everything that's happened."
Josuke swallowed hard, clenching his hands in his lap, refusing to touch one of the scars currently hidden under his clothes.
"I get it, trust me," he continued, surprising Josuke further. "No one can go through shit like that and expect to come out the other end unscathed, especially at your age."
Josuke folded over himself. "I just…" he bit his lip. "I wish I could stop thinking about it. Everything turned out okay, right? So why the hell can't I stop thinking about it?!" He snapped his mouth shut and swallowed hard against the lump rising in his throat, hating the fact that his eyes stung again.
Jotaro sighed and leaned over, resting his elbows on his knees. "That's just how our brains work. I wish I knew why." He met Josuke's eyes firmly. "You know that if you ever need to talk about it, about anything, I don't mind listening."
Josuke couldn't help staring at the older man for a long moment, mouth slightly open in surprise, before he closed it and gave a jerky nod. "Thanks. That…actually means a lot."
There was a certain softness to Jotaro's face that Josuke hadn't ever seen before. The man stood up, and surprised him further by walking toward the couch and placing a hand on top of his head, ruffling his hair a little.
"I'll drive you home after I clean up. Unless you want to stay and talk more, okay?"
Josuke looked up at him, a small smile pulling at his lips. "Thanks, Jotaro. Really."
Jotaro's mouth turned up ever so slightly at the corner before he turned and made his way toward the bathroom.
Josuke sank a little more easily against the couch, clutching the warm tea in his hands. He didn't know when he would stop reliving the most horrible moments of his life, but knowing he had someone to talk to, who understood, made him feel better than he had expected. Maybe Jotaro wasn't as grumpy as he had thought, Josuke realized with a small smile as he drank the tea.
