Chapter Text
The first time that subject was raised, Shinsuke and Mutsu were together in the school’s rooftop. Shinsuke used to go there to smoke, and Mutsu would accompany him in the days she felt like smoking too. They weren’t so close yet, but Mutsu’s girlfriend, Matako, was Shinsuke’s childhood friend, while Mutsu was the best friend of Bansai, Shinsuke’s boyfriend, so they got along well enough.
“If me and Matako decide to have a child in the future, I want the dad to be you or Bansai,” Mutsu said nonchalantly, and then took a drag of her cigarette.
Shinsuke was caught by surprise by that comment. He stared at her for a couple seconds before asking.
“Isn’t it a bit too early to think about these things?”
“Perhaps,” Mutsu smiled. “But sometimes me and Matako talk about the future. We talk about our imaginary kid. I thought it was too much at first, but Matako seems to really want to have a family, so it rubbed on me I guess.”
Shinsuke nodded. He had never thought of having a child before, even with Bansai. He hardly thought about the future in any way. He was the kind of person who lived in the present and he didn’t even know what he wanted to be once they graduated high school yet, even though they were all in the 2nd year already.
Weirdly enough, the idea of having Mutsu’s or Matako’s child like that didn’t sound awful to him.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind.”
-
One year later Matako and Bansai were alone in the music club room. Bansai was tuning his guitar, and Matako just sat on top of a desk, shaking her legs.
“Bansai, have you ever thought of having kids in the future?”
Bansai stopped what he was doing to look at Matako.
“Once or twice, I guess.”
“With Shinsuke?” she asked.
“Yes,” he replied. “I wanna spend my whole life with him, so if I had a kid, it would be with him, I daresay.”
Matako smiled. She’s always thought the way Bansai was devoted to Shinsuke was beautiful.
“I think you guys would be good dads. Very protective, for sure, especially if it’s a girl,” she said. “I wanna have a child with Mutsu. Maybe two.”
“Would you guys adopt?” Bansai asked, curious.
“Actually, I wanna get pregnant,” Matako said. “I want the whole experience of being a mother,” she continued smiling.
Bansai smiled. That sounded like Matako indeed.
“And,” Matako continued. “I would like you or Shinsuke to be the dad.”
Bansai didn’t answer straight away. He took his time to imagine Matako pregnant with his or Shinsuke’s baby. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, he would need to give that more thought if they ever considered something like that. But it wasn’t an idea that sounded impossible.
“Let’s see how life goes.”
-
And so, time passed. 1 year, 5 years, 8 years. The four of them remained close, in fact, even closer than in their teen years. Shinsuke and Bansai moved together right after high school, and Matako and Mutsu rented their own place in their second year of college. Bansai studied music, as he always wanted, and became a music producer, Shinsuke didn’t go to college and just became a professional writer. Mutsu dropped out of college in her third year because she got promoted in the office she worked and she realized she enjoyed working there, and Matako became an elementary school teacher.
The subject “children” and “family” sometimes popped up in their conversations. It took them years to finally reach an agreement on how they wanted to become parents.
“I mean, I wouldn’t mind Matako having mine or Shinsuke’s child,” Bansai said after he finished his drink. Shinsuke nodded. They had discussed it before by themselves. “But I don’t think I could just let someone have my child and forget about it or not be a dad, you know? I mean, they would be my kid too.”
Matako nodded enthusiastically.
“Of course. I wouldn’t want that either. I mean, they would know you were their dad and you’d be able to see them whenever you wanted.”
“Matako always says one of the reasons she wants the child to be of any of you guys is because this way they wouldn’t grow up without a father figure,” Mutsu said.
They continued talking about it for a long time that night. It was very late when they came to the realization that all four of them wanted to be together in this. It was, surprisingly, Shinsuke who came up with the solution that pleased everyone.
“We could move to houses or apartments in the same neighborhood and raise them together. All of us.”
“That’s brilliant!” Matako said, her eyes shining like two diamonds.
Bansai seemed to be digesting the idea and then smiled too.
“This way we could both have our lives and privacy as couples, we would all have time for our careers, and we all would be able to raise our child. Sounds perfect.”
Mutsu nodded.
“I like this idea too, but,” the was concern on her face. “The child would have two moms and two dads. Don’t you guys think that would be a little weird? I mean, I don’t mind, but what if they realize their family is different from other children’s and feel bad about it? What if… What if the other kids are mean to them?”
Every smile disappeared, leaving space for worry.
“Well,” Bansai said. “On the paper they would only have one mom and one dad. So, we would need to decide which ones of us would be the ‘official’ parents, I daresay.”
There was still a lot of things to discuss. It took them all one more year to decide everything and, finally, put their plans in action.
-
It was decided that the “official” parents would be Matako and Bansai. Matako would be the one to get pregnant, so it was the obvious choice by the law, and Bansai would give the child his name simply because he had a better relationship with his own parents than Shinsuke, and Shinsuke didn’t wanna give their child his father’s name.
Now, despite having official parents by the law, they wouldn’t tell their kid that until the moment they asked it themselves. They would grow up with two moms and two dads. They would all be the “real” parents.
Unfortunately, the world was still full of prejudice, so to avoid that their child would be victim of any kind of mistreatment for having an unusual family, and to avoid having to tell lies to others like “Mutsu is their aunt” and “Shinsuke is their uncle”, they decided that once they were old enough to go to school, Bansai and Matako would be the ones responsible for talking to the teachers when called, between other things. It wasn’t ideal, of course, but they wanted to preserve their kid’s well being and comfort more than anything.
At this point in their lives they all made more than enough money to live well and to raise a kid. Shinsuke had published more than one best seller book, Bansai was the producer of popular idol groups and solo singers, Matako was a teacher in a renowned school and Mutsu was the boss in her section of the company where she worked at. Mutsu and Matako found a nice and comfortable house in a family neighborhood with two bedrooms and two bathrooms, one big room that could be divided between living room and dining room, and a kitchen, which would be more than enough for the two of them and their future child. Bansai and Shinsuke wanted to move to the house by its side, but it was occupied, so they moved to a house nearby, it was by the side of the house in front of Mutsu and Matako’s house. Close enough.
Many questions were raised between them. They quickly realized that a lot of things would have to be solved once they actually happened, that having a child would be a challenge regardless of how many parents they would have, and that what mattered the most is that they all should want that and would give all of their all to raise their kid. They also agreed that they would need to communicate a lot, and should have some time at least twice a month to discuss their family matters. Because the four of them and their child would be a family.
Finally, it was the day Matako would try artificial insemination for the first time. Both Bansai and Shinsuke would be donors, and Matako wouldn’t know whose child she’d be carrying, and they were all okay with that. Mutsu was by Matako’s side all the time, holding her hand and falling in love with her more and more by the second by only seeing how happy she was that she was going to fulfil her dream of becoming a mother.
Everything worked out perfect and weeks later Matako’s pregnancy test was positive.
-
“How about ‘Keiko’ if it’s a girl?” Mutsu suggested.
“That’s a pretty name,” Matako agreed.
Shinsuke grimaced.
“It’s pretty but I think it’s boring,” he said. “We should give them a stronger name.”
“How about ‘Akira’?” Matako asked. “If it’s a boy, that is.”
“Better,” Shinsuke said. “But not quite there yet…”
“I like ‘Mitsuki’,” Mutsu said. “And it works for both boy and girl.”
“If it’s a boy it should be ‘Masaru’,” Shinsuke said.
“Wakana.”
Matako, Mutsu and Shinsuke turned to face Bansai, who had been quiet until now.
“I think their name should be ‘Wakana’ regardless of their sex,” Bansai said.
“Wakana, Wakana, Wakana…” Matako repeated. “I like it! It has a nice ring to it.”
Shinsuke nodded.
“It’s pretty and also not so common.”
Mutsu asked:
“How would it be written?”
Bansai smiled.
“With the kanji of harmony and peace, and the kanji of play music and ‘complete’.”
“We have a winner,” Mutsu said.
“Yes, I like this name,” Matako agreed.
“Wakana it is, then,” Shinsuke said.
Matako looked to her belly, that was starting to grow bigger, and touched it.
“Nice to meet you, Wakana,” she said, smiling. “You’re gonna be the most loved child in the world.”
-
A few months later, Mutsu and Matako were taking their clothes off to take a bath together and relax after a long day.
“You’re starting to look pregnant,” Mutsu said when Matako took her dress off. She instantly regretted her words because she thought Matako could misinterpret her, but fortunately Matako’s reply came with enthusiasm and a bright smile.
“Yes! My belly is starting to grow bigger. It feels more and more real every day. Little Wakana is growing inside me,” she said, stroking her own stomach.
Mutsu approached her and kissed her cheek, then lightly placed her hand on Matako’s stomach.
“Soon you’re gonna feel them kicking,” she said. “Do you think they’re gonna be a boy or a girl? People say that moms always know.”
Matako showed her a warm smile.
“Then you tell me. You’re their mom too.”
Mutsu smiled back.
“She’s a girl,” she said. She’d been thinking that for a while now. “And she’s gonna be beautiful like her blonde mom.”
Matako hugged Mutsu and kissed her lips, neither of them couldn’t stop smiling.
-
Matako was 6 months into her pregnancy when Bansai realized that Shinsuke had been looking nervous, especially when he was around her. It was in one night when the two of them were together in the living room, with Shinsuke leaning against Bansai’s body while reading a book, that Bansai took his headphone off and mentioned it.
“You’re imagining things,” Shinsuke replied. “I’m fine.”
Bansai raised an eyebrow.
“Shinsuke, you know very well you suck at lying.”
Shinsuke sighed.
“Wrong. I suck at lying to you.”
Bansai held Shinsuke tightly around his waist.
“So, tell me what’s been bothering you.”
Shinsuke put his book down and stayed in silence for a couple minutes. Bansai couldn’t tell if he was preparing to drop a bomb or if he was simply choosing the words to use. He already had a hunch of what had been bothering his husband, but he wanted to hear it from him so they could work it out together.
“It’s just,” Shinsuke finally started. “What if I’m… not ready. What if I’m a bad father? What if Wakana hates me? What if I’m like my father?”
Bansai’s hunch was correct.
“Look, Shinsuke, I don’t think anyone is completely ready to raise another human being. But you’re not alone in this. I’m with you. And Mutsu and Matako are with us,” he said. “There’s no way you’re gonna be like your father because unlike him you’re not a horrible person, and there’s no way Wakana’s gonna hate you because I’m sure you’re gonna shower them with love and care,” he finished.
“But maybe… Maybe it’s just not gonna work out. Maybe I will ruin it somehow—
“Shinsuke.” Bansai interrupted him. “Just the fact that you’re thinking of all the possibilities already shows that you care and are going to do your best. It’s already better than most people, I daresay.”
“I’m just scared,” Shinsuke said.
“It’s okay. I am too.”
“Are you?”
“Yes. I’m scared and nervous, but I’m also happy and excited. Aren’t you?”
“I am,” he said. Then he finally smiled. “I can’t wait to see them.”
“Then you’re gonna feel ready when it’s time. Everything is gonna be okay, Shinsuke,” Bansai said.
Shinsuke turned his face to his husband and they kissed.
-
Matako was alone with Shinsuke when she started feeling strong labor contractions. Since Mutsu and Bansai worked outside, and both had programmed their vacations for when Wakana was born, Matako, who was already on maternity leave, would spend most of the day at Shinsuke and Bansai’s place, because Shinsuke worked from home and would be there to help her if she needed anything. It hadn’t been 9 complete months yet, they still had almost two weeks, so it caught both of them by surprise when the pain started to become unbearable.
“Shinsuke, I think it’s time,” she said with a lot of difficulty.
Shinsuke stopped everything he was doing and went to help Matako. He looked calm on the outside but inside he was panicking. He helped Matako to get in the car, since he thought it would be faster than calling an ambulance, and started driving on the way to the hospital. Matako groaned in pain by his side, and he felt more and more desperate with every second.
“We’re almost there,” he told Matako when there was two quarters left to the hospital, not sure if he was trying to reassure her or himself. “We’re gonna get you in a room with a doctor and I’m gonna call Mutsu immediately.”
Matako didn’t answer, she probably didn’t even hear his words due to the strong pain.
When they were finally there and Matako was sent to a Labor Delivery Room in the hospital, Shinsuke called Mutsu, and then Bansai, to tell them Matako was going to give birth any time now. He didn’t know what to do next, if he should enter and give support to Matako, or if he should wait until Mutsu was there to be with her. He decided on the latter because he felt like he wouldn’t be able to help Matako in the state he was now. He had never felt so excited and scared and desperate and nauseated at the same time.
Thankfully, Mutsu arrived in less than 20 minutes and once she met Shinsuke she went straight inside the room where Matako was suffering with contractions.
“Matako!” Mutsu called. “I’m here, babe,” she approached the bed and held Matako’s hand.
“Miss, I’m sorry, but only the father is allowed to be inside with—
“I’m her wife and I’m staying!” She interrupted the nurse that tried to make her leave. Her glare must have looked murderous because the woman didn’t try to say anything else.
At this point Matako was yelling in pain. Her grip on Mutsu’s hand was so tight that it hurt, but Mutsu couldn’t care less.
The doctor finally arrived, and right on time. Wakana wasn’t going to wait to be born anymore.
Outside the room, Shinsuke was sitting on one of the chairs, his legs shaking non-stop, and he didn’t have any more nails to chew on. It was a relief when Bansai arrived to be by his side.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said. “How’s it going?”
“Matako’s been there for almost an hour and Mutsu is with her.”
Bansai sat by Shinsuke’s side and held his hand.
“Are you ready?” He asked. Shinsuke understood the question. Are you ready to become a dad?
He didn’t have time to answer though, the moment he opened his mouth to talk, Matako’s yells ceased and all they could hear was the sound of a baby crying.
Almost instantly, Shinsuke and Bansai got up and they didn’t even hear the nurse nearby telling them they couldn’t enter the room yet, they barged in and saw the moment the doctor was giving the baby, who was wrapped in a white sheet, to Matako, who gladly held them in her arms. Her face was red and stained with tears, but her eyes shone like never before, and she showed the happiest and most sincere smile of her life.
Mutsu smiled standing by her side, with an arm over her shoulders, looking from Matako to their child and to Matako again. She approached and kissed Matako’s cheek.
“You did so well, babe,” she said. “You were perfect.”
Matako looked at her.
“She’s here,” she said, tears starting to roll down her cheeks again, but the smile never leaving her lips. “Our daughter.”
“Yes,” Mutsu said, starting to tear up as well.
Shinsuke and Bansai approached the bed. Shinsuke only being able to keep himself on his feet because Bansai was supporting him. Bansai only being able to keep himself and Shinsuke on their feet by sheer power of will.
“She…” Shinsuke started saying.
It was when Matako and Mutsu realized they were there, and looked at them, still smiling.
“She’s a girl,” Matako said. “And she’s ours.”
“Wakana,” Bansai called his daughter’s name. He held Shinsuke by the hand as they approached the bed. “Welcome to our family,” he said.
Shinsuke was trying to keep himself from crying, but once he put his eye on the baby in Matako’s arms, he gave up and let the tears fall off his single eye.
“She’s beautiful,” he said. And then looked at Bansai and gave him an answer. “I’m ready.”
Bansai smiled to him and gave him a kiss on the lips.
The doctor and the nurses in the room were very confused as to why there were four crying parents in the room instead of two, but they didn’t question it. They let the four of them live their moment of meeting their daughter for the first time.
-
They had already decided that Wakana would live with Matako and Mutsu during most of the first couple of years. Bansai and Shinsuke would be around all the time, of course, but because Matako was the one who fed her and they didn’t want to give her industrialized milk if not needed, she would always need to be available.
Mutsu and Bansai took a month off work. They wanted to have more time, but sadly, capitalism wasn’t as thrilled with their daughter’s arrival as they were.
The first weeks were a mess. None of them could sleep properly, especially Matako, who had to wake up to breastfeed Wakana from time to time. Mutsu always made sure to be awake and by Matako’s side at those moments. There was something about seeing Matako feeding their daughter that filled her heart with warmth and feeling of joy.
Bansai and Shinsuke couldn’t sleep because they thought about Wakana all the time and couldn’t wait to go see her again the next day. There were days that one, or even the two of them, would sleep over at Matako and Mutsu’s place, so they could be closer to their daughter. And change her diapers at night to give the ladies more time to try and sleep.
It was exhausting and one month was enough to all of them to feel tired because taking care of a baby wasn’t easy. But they had also never been so happy before. All four of them were enjoying parenthood and looked forward to the next years of Wakana’s life.