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A desire. Shen Jiu, a street rat, a slave, had a desire for something. Or rather, someone.
It was a desire for someone he could not control or fathom at such a young age. It was an excessive feeling, overwhelming, and makes his heart beat everytime.
Everytime he spent with his Qi-ge.
His Qi-ge had said that he was his family. He was his everything, his Xiao Jiu was his world.
And Shen jiu, well, he was happy to be by his Qi-ge's side from this despicable world. He swore it in his heart that he will forever remain loyal to his Qi-ge. It wasn't an obligation, no. He didn't once thought it was.
He simply wanted to be with the person he kept close to his heart. Everyone wants to, right?
...
But Shen Jiu didn't have a heart, did he?
...
It broke. His last remaining hope was gone, bit by bit, it broke.
He still remembers his Qi-ge's retreating footsteps from behind the door that kept them apart. He still remembers the promise he made, he swore... But didn't fulfil.
It was like a dam that had broken. Drowning all the hope he kept clinging on.
Unwanted hands were on him, touching, caressing...
For the first time in his life as a slave and all the things he went through, he felt scared.
...
He had finally snapped.
The fire infront of him was burning everything. All these poor excuse of humans were burning. The scorching fire was flickering and roaring.
Shen Jiu found it quite pleasing to look at.
"I hope you burn in hell too."
...
Shen Jiu had found his way back to his Qi-ge.
How ironic that his Qi-ge was supposed to go back to him but it didn't really matter, did it? He was finally back with the person he held very dear and his Qi-ge has accepted him with full arms.
...
Except, was that person really the Qi-ge he once knew?
...
Yue Qingyuan was someone he doesn't know. Only his Qi-ge but that little street rat like himself is already gone.
And so was Xiao Jiu.
It was all in the past now. A fleeting memory.
A memory he cherished.
...
Shen Qingqiu sat alone in his bamboo house.
Everything seems dull, empty, lonely. But he was quite familiar with such feelings. And he welcomes it everytime. It's not like he can do anything about it.
Does it stop a heart aching, breaking...? He doesn't want to know.
His Shizun... had left now.
He was alone again.
...
The string that's been barely keeping them connected, broke.
His martial siblings accused him of murdering his own shidi.
He couldn't blame them, not really. It was his fault after all.
He had tried to save him. Liu Qingge.
Someone he... did Liu Qingge mean something to him?
All he knows that, this brute, this headstrong bastard that specialises "fight first, talk later" has somehow... made him feel something.
A tiny bit. A tiny corner in his heart.
...
But Shen Jiu was considered to be heartless, did he?
...
From then, Yue Qingyuan gave him a look. Like he didn't trust him around his other martial siblings.
He always knew the looks he received from Yue Qingyuan.
Shen Jiu felt something in him crack, again.
...
Ah. He sees the mountain burning.
A familiar site but a different... Home?
Did he considered this place his "Home"?
Well, the Qiu household was not something he did.
But Cang Qiong?
He didn't even feel safe. Was it considered to be a home if you don't feel welcome and safe?
The only ever home he considered was Yue Qi. His Qi-ge.
But it had already burned too. A long time ago.
...
Oh, how disappointed his Shizun might be at him.
His discple's simple request, one simple request and he cannot even provide it.
He cannot. Not when he doesn't have one himself.
A home.
His disciple wanted for the Immortal master to give him a home.
Funny, isn't it?
They are just the same yet so different. A disciple and a Master. With no home.
...
He feels the hands press to him again and again.
The same feeling he had, from a long, long time ago.
Scared.
...
He feels it. He hears it.
The rips of flesh. His body breaking.
His tongue was cut out from his mouth, an eye was plucked out, his arms and limbs were torned apart from his body.
He let's out a breath.
Has he been broken enough?
...
From his peripheral vision he sees the beast walking to him,
And dropping shards of a sword.
Xuan Su.
From that moment, he hears it. His heart cracked, shattering into pieces.
It burned. It might have left a permanent scar.
If he did not feel anything before, he felt it all now. Everything was hurting. Every part of him.
His core was now broken too.
Shattered like the sword infront of him.
His world is now broken.
...
Shen Jiu is also considered someone to have a heart and to feel.
But a broken heart cannot mend back together again.