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It had been about a week since the last time I’d spoken to Sam. He came home with several books, looking refreshed and relieved for some reason. If a couple of books was all it took for him to get over me, then I supposed I didn’t mean that much to him anymore anyway.
“Eric!” He dropped his school bag on the couch and dumped his books on the coffee table before heading my way. “I had a good day, and I wanted to talk with you about it!” He beamed at me and sat down in the chair beside mine.
“That is the most exciting news I’ve heard all day! I’m so glad you had a great day!” I exclaimed, clearly unimpressed. He only came home to rub his happiness to my face? What a jerk. I knew he was feeling better now that he had Maurice, but I didn’t know he felt so great about it that he had to plant my miserable face straight into his success. He stared silently at me, his face losing its glow.
“Oh,” was the only thing he said. He stood up and grabbed his things again. “Did you have a bad day? Then I’ll leave you alone for a little bit. Maybe we can talk tomorrow.” He went into his room and didn’t come out for the rest of the day.
That was a week ago, and he didn’t end up coming back to me to talk. I guessed he had completely forgotten, which made me feel exponentially worse. At this point, I was sitting in the school library for lunch with Piggy across from me, his nose stuck in a physics text.
Despite the fact that he was one of Maurice’s closest friends, I never had a problem with him. He tutored me from time to time and helped me with my homework. Piggy looked up behind me. I turned around to see what he was looking at and was met by Robert, my classmate. He was taller than me by a few inches, but he looked almost exactly like Simon with his dark skin and bright green eyes. His hair was tied up neatly in a short high ponytail and each of his ears was decorated with a few earrings and studs.
“Eric,” he greeted, with no silliness. That was quite unusual because Robert was normally very easygoing and casual. Piggy met his eyes for a split second before nonchalantly turning his attention back to his book, more interested in studying than small talk.
“Robert, it’s nice to see you,” I turned in my seat to better see him. I didn’t have a clue as to what he wanted but judging by his demeanor, it was serious. His lip curled up slightly with an austere smile, almost like it was reprimanding me.
“I’d like to speak with you.” He beckoned to the door, implying it was private. What did he want to talk about? I never talked to Robert, but I guessed that made the fact that he approached me even more important. I agreed and followed him out of the library after retrieving my things. He took me to the empty choir room.
“Jack is out today, so he isn’t here to hog this room to himself during lunch.” Robert stole a glance at the concert robes for performances and then at the chairs Jack usually sat at with Ralph at lunchtime.
“What did you want?” I asked, no longer letting him make conversation. He narrowed his eyes and sat down at one of the chairs.
“Not going to even let me warm up yet?” He asked. “Well, I might as well tell you flat out. I’ll also tell you that nobody ordered me to do this. This is my personal obligation. I’m sure you’re not surprised, but it’s about Sam, obviously.”
Sam? At this time? Was he kidding? I scoffed and turned to leave, but with a clatter of chairs, Robert pinned me back with a hand to my shoulder. I glared.
“Don’t walk away from this,” he demanded. “This isn’t just your problem, and it’s causing other people trouble.”
“What do you even want from me?” I slapped his hand away. He could rub his moral junk in Sam’s face, not mine. “Why don’t you go yell at him instead of me?”
“He doesn’t need me to talk to him,” my classmate pulled away and held his now reddened hand tenderly. “You obviously do. You’re much more of the problem than Sam.” I said nothing. “That whole shebang two weeks ago was uncalled for, but I couldn’t find any time to talk to you. You said really nasty things, and I think you should take it back. You need to apologize to Maurice and your brother before you regret it.”
I knew he meant well, but I was too frustrated to care. “It’s not my fault, Robert! It’s his! All he ever does is ignore me and push me away!” I snapped. “I said what I wanted to say that day, and I don’t see anything wrong with it. Maurice doesn’t want Sam to be with me, so I told him what I thought.”
“You told him what you thought?” Robert tempted me. His expression became darker.
This was getting annoying. He was egging me on. He was trying to get me to slip up and say something dumb to compel me to apologize. I clicked my tongue. “Of course I did. Why would I hold back? He doesn't deserve Sam, none of them do.”
“Why would you say that? You can’t determine someone’s worth by yourself, and you definitely can't tell your brother who deserves him.”
Who was this guy anyway? Back then, he seemed like a good guy. He seemed like someone who had a good head on his shoulders, especially with how well he handled that rowdy ghost-hunting boy, Bill, every single day, but now he was just a nuisance who couldn't keep his nose out of my business.
“Shut up!” I scowled. “You don't know anything. Sam doesn't belong to you, so just stop it already. He’s just a pain to deal with, so it really isn't worth your time.”
“You really should talk about your brother with more respect, Eric.”
“Why? He’s selfish, annoying, and he doesn't care about anything but his own social life! He’s fake and shows people what they want to see, but as soon as it's just the two of us alone, he couldn't possibly care any less about what I have to say! His stupid friend Maurice takes every bit of his attention, and I wouldn't be surprised if they just kissed one day! They sure do go together well with their matching IQ levels of zero and a half,” I rambled in a raised voice. I was very glad no one was walking by the choir room during lunch today.
“Take that back!” Robert lunged at me, and with his red hands, he grabbed hold of my shirt and looked down at me furiously. I flashed a wicked grin at him.
“I’m actually starting to wonder if Sam’s the one who deserved anyone?” I tugged away from Robert using my legs, but his grip kept me in place. His body swung around with his fist, and he planted a blow straight into my mouth earning him a pained cry from me along with a spatter of blood from my teeth sinking into my cheek. I held my bleeding mouth and staggered away into the jumbled of now messed up chairs and music stands.
His green eyes no longer held the calmness of a forest, but now dug into my soul like a million daggers coated with icy venom.
“I wanted this to be a civil conversation,” he rumbled. “Why can't you just listen to someone else for once? Take some criticism for Sam’s and your own sake.”
I could barely talk through the pain, but I noticed Robert’s hand was ruffed up. His knuckles were cut and dripping blood from where they were sliced across my canines. My nose was throbbing and my cheek stung like mad. Red liquid pooled under my hands on the tile floor.
“Get away from me, you crazy freak!” I scrambled away, my fingers creating a new scarlet print each time they met the floor.
“Just listen to me! All I’m asking is for you to hear what I’m telling you!” He wiped his hand on his gray uniform pants, staining them most likely permanently. Somehow I ended up leaning against the podium at the front of the room where Jack stood giving announcements to the club members when I passed the choir room after school.
“Sam was never the one being selfish, Eric. You are. We all know, we’ve all seen,” he didn't stop glowering as he started to speak. “Over the last week, he's been tearing himself up about you! He’s been asking almost every single boy acquainted with Jack and Ralph how to apologize. He really, sincerely, seriously thinks it's his fault, and while we don't have any solid proof, his recent actions hold entirely sufficient evidence needed to know that he was never the problem.
“I wish, I pray that you would get a clue! You have no idea that your brother loves you more than anything in the entire world because you never want to see him for who he really is. You see him as your little baby brother who can’t take care of himself, but he’s much stronger than you know. You're the weak one, Eric, but Sam is so strong compared to you it's unreal. However, despite that, he loves you, his sniveling little brother, with more passion than I have ever seen in anybody in my life!” Robert’s teeth were chattering from his shouting, and he looked as though he would cry.
My face felt hot and my neck was sweating. My eyes stung with pain like fire. I wished he would just shut up already. Hearing him scream at me in that way made me want to barrel straight into my brother’s arms, bawling. I loved Sam with my whole being. I loved him more than I would ever love anyone else, and even though I was telling myself he was worthless, my weak little heart always beat with the knowledge that Sam alone was worth every single person on the plant a thousand-fold.
Robert was right. My brother was so strong and kind. He loved every person around him like there was no one on the earth but them. His eyes were so warm and his hands so gentle, and I remembered holding his crimson-stained head in my arms all those years ago, telling myself that I would protect my twin with my life. I so badly wished I could hold him tight in an embrace and apologize for everything I had said to him for the last five years.
I had become so obsessive with Sam in middle school that I never realized how far behind I had fallen, and I was blinded by my incompetence as a brother, that I couldn't celebrate him growing up. Robert shocked me. He shocked me into realizing that Sam was always my whole world and that my anger at everyone else was building an invisible barrier between me and telling him how much I appreciated him.
I curled my legs up and hugged myself to keep my disaster of tears to myself. I buried my head in my arms and sat in silence, weeping, with my classmate standing trembling before me.
“You listened,” Robert choked out, his voice tattered. “You’ve already grown.” I dragged my eyes from the darkness of my hands to the now returned light of Robert’s warm stare. He was smiling. It was small, but he was smiling in a sad sort of way.
My mouth hurt too much to speak properly, so I mumbled out a slurred thank you, pouring all the gratitude I could bring to the surface. He came forward, lifted my hand into is and pulled me to my feet before wrapping me in a hug so warm and sad I felt a sort of loss deep in my heart for him.
“Why did you come to me?” I managed through my ragged inner cheek. He stepped back.
“I didn't want you to lose the only one you ever had,” he replied simply. “I lost my family a long long time ago. They were the ones who kept me safe, but one day, they were gone, and I didn't even get to say goodbye. I wanted you to have your family for the rest of your life.”
“You…”
“When I was little, I met Bill. He’s my best friend. I know he didn’t comprehend the concept of death back then, but he told me he’d find my parents for me, and he began to search for their spirits. He’s long forgotten the reason he loves ghosts by now, I know for sure he has, but he still looks for them even today. I understand, even he understood at such a young age, how valuable family is and how priceless having them is,” he fell quiet.
I couldn't help but pull him in for another hug. Warm red drops of blood were pooling into his sweater, but he didn't seem to mind. We stayed there for some time, holding each other and crying.
I never wanted to be apart from Sam any longer, no matter who he loved. I decided that I would apologize to him, and love all the people he loved. I didn't want anything more than to see him happy again. I would become equally as strong as him eventually and be able to stand by him proudly as his little brother.
There may be days in the future when we fight again, but I’d never have to fear losing him for good again.