Chapter Text
[Unknown Contact]
[abbaunofficial] oi dumbarse
[hotbitch] excuse me?
[abbaunofficial] i need ur help
[hotbitch] who is this?
[abbaunofficial] haha very funny
[abbaunofficial] i need you to bring my rucksack to outside the second floor loo
[hotbitch] i think you have the wrong number.
[abbaunofficial] huh 🤨🤨
[abbaunofficial] ru fr or ru messing with me cuz mate i rly need a tampon
[hotbitch] sorry mate, i’m for real. hope you get that tampon tho.
[abbaunofficial] oh ok
[abbaunofficial] sorry about the oversharing haha
[abbaunofficial] wait shit
[abbaunofficial] ur not a guy right 😳
[hotbitch] lol i can assure you, i am not a guy. i’m a 17-year-old girl, i know what a period is.
[abbaunofficial] ok cool cool cool
[abbaunofficial] WAIT
[hotbitch] ???
[abbaunofficial] IM A 17yo GIRL TOO
[abbaunofficial] we should be besties
[hotbitch] lmaoooo ok!
[hotbitch] if it wasn’t for the genuine panic over that tampon, i’d fear you were a middle aged predator.
[hotbitch] YAY!
[hotbitch] wait, speaking of which, who did you mean to text? were u able to contact them?
[abbaunofficial] shit
[abbaunofficial] i thought they said their name was hotbitch
[abbaunofficial] they literally downloaded this app yesterday
[abbaunofficial] WAIT NO
[abbaunofficial] ohhhh they made a whole fuss that that name was taken so they made it hotbish instead
[hotbitch] haha i’ll have to meet my username bestie.
[abbaunofficial] OI
[abbaunofficial] i thought WE were besties
[hotbitch] dw we are, but hey, if you trust this person enough to supply you in a time of crisis, then they’re probably your bestie, and by the transitive property of congruence, they are mine as well.
[abbaunofficial] wtf
[abbaunofficial] did u just math me into confusion or some shit 😭
[hotbitch] lolol
[abbaunofficial] i think that was the first text u sent without punctuation 😱
[hotbitch] lol i guess? i never rly thought abt it.
[hotbitch] i don’t think you’ve sent a single one with punctuation tho.
[abbaunofficial] no shit
[abbaunofficial] im morally opposed to it unless i feel like it or something
[abbaunofficial] alr gtg text hotbish
[hotbitch] see you later bestie :)
[abbaunofficial] later?? Yay!
[hotbitch] did you just use punctuation for me?
[abbaunofficial] ofc bestie <3
[Unknown Contact]
[abbaunofficial] oi dumbarse
[abbaunofficial] i need ur help
[abbaunofficial] i need you to bring my rucksack to outside the second floor loo
[abbaunofficial] wait lemme change the chat name
**abbaunofficial changed the chat name to “PEMDAS”**
[hotbish] omw dw i got u
[hotbish] ill lyk when im outside the door and ill pass you the bag
[abbaunofficial] ty love
[hotbish] also why tf is the name PEMDAS
[hotbish] we’re GAY
[hotbish] we hate math by like fucking default
[abbaunofficial] lol i did PEMDAS cuz im gay and ur gay but it cancels out because we love each other and therefore: PEMDAS
[hotbish] lololol i love that for us
[hotbish] alr im outside the door
[Unknown Contact]
[hotbitch] did u get it ok?
[abbaunofficial] aww thanks for asking
[abbaunofficial] yup he came and handed it to me
[PEMDAS]
**abbaunofficial took a screenshot of the chat**
[Unknown Contact]
[abbaunofficial] **1 attachment**
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[hotbish] alr im outside the door
__________________________________________
[hotbitch] aww that’s nice!
[hotbitch] wait… he?
[abbaunofficial] yeah he’s the best
[hotbitch] oh a bf? he seems sweet to do that for u.
[abbaunofficial] NONONONONONONONO
[abbaunofficial] YUCK
[abbaunofficial] hes my bestfriend
[abbaunofficial] practically brother lol
[hotbitch] OH I’M SO SORRY!
[hotbitch] didn’t mean to assume anything.
[abbaunofficial] haha it’s ok
[abbaunofficial] but lol we’re both gay
[abbaunofficial] wait… you don’t mind that kind of thing?
[abbaunofficial] if you do, it’s totally cool like i’ll leave u alone and all
[hotbitch] NONONONONONO NOT AT ALL!
[hotbitch] i’m not homophobic dw i’m literally pan.
[abbaunofficial] *exhales in releaf*
[hotbitch] haha
[PEMDAS]
[hotbish] why tf did u ss
[abbaunofficial] i’ll explain in a bit
[Unknown Contact]
[abbaunofficial] what’re ur pronouns?
[hotbitch] …
[abbaunofficial] oh do u know what they are
[abbaunofficial] sorry
[hotbitch] lmaooo don’t apologize sm you’re too nice to the oblivious homophobe you think i am.
[abbaunofficial] sorry lol
[abbaunofficial] WAIT NO NOT SORRY AAAA
[hotbitch] haha it’s fine
[hotbitch] i’m actually not rly sure what my pronouns are
[hotbitch] i guess you can use like ‘she’ or ‘they’ but like whatever you want…
[abbaunofficial] that’s totally cool ofc
[abbaunofficial] u don’t need to have anything figured out yet
[hotbitch] ur too bloody sweet!
[hotbitch] what’re urs?
[abbaunofficial] she/her :)
[hotbitch] cool!
[hotbitch] i’m from england, hbu?
[abbaunofficial] ayyy same
[abbaunofficial] london
[hotbitch] ME TOO!!
[abbaunofficial] what’re the odds
[hotbitch] well, this is a new app made by a british lad and london has like nearly 9 million people.
[abbaunofficial] eww ur logical
[abbaunofficial] stop sounding smart and shit
[hotbitch] lol why? does it make u feel sad :(:(:(
[abbaunofficial] piss off haha
[abbaunofficial] this is homophobia
[hotbitch] lol i think we’ve established that i’m not homophobic.
[abbaunofficial] shhh again with the logic
[abbaunofficial] istg ur gonna make me fall in love or some shit
[hotbitch] haha watch me 😉
[abbaunofficial] shhh we’re besties
[hotbitch] dw ik mate
[PEMDAS]
[abbaunofficial] ok so i accidentally texted the person who ‘stole ur username’ and she’s rly cool and she asked if i ever got the tampon i accent ally asked her for instead of you
[abbaunofficial] and now we’re mates ig lol
[abbaunofficial] … except for the part where i accentally made a pass at her because idk why she just sounds hot
[hotbish] YOU WHAT
[hotbish] lmaooooo dumbarse
[hotbish] and that’s a load of shite how tf can someone ‘sound hot’ over TEXT?!
[Know-It-Alls]
[hotbitch] 🚨🚨🚨🚨
[hotbitch] 999!!! 112!!! ANYTHING!!!
[gingertaylor] What’s the matter?? Are you alright, Cas?
[hotbitch] ok so i said something dumb and i think i messed it up.
[gingertaylor] Messed what up?
[hotbitch] so i got a wrong number text but then after it got sorted out, we decided to keep talking and i sort of started to get to know her and it was nice and then i did this rubbish (dw i ss it when i was like half out of the tab so she couldn’t see):
[hotbitch] **1 attachment**
__________________________________________
[abbaunofficial] istg ur gonna make me fall in love or some shit
[hotbitch] haha watch me 😉
[abbaunofficial] shhh we’re besties
[hotbitch] dw ik mate
__________________________________________
[hotbitch] AND SHE HASN’T REPLIED!!!
[notromulus] wait i missed a chapter.
[notromulus] who tf is “she?”
[gingertaylor] Scroll up like 2 seconds, you tosser!
[notromulus] ugh, fine.
[notromulus] mate don’t sweat it. she obviously started it.
[hotbitch] yeah, i mean i thought so, but like AAAAAAA, yk?
[notromulus] im sure she’ll reply
[gingertaylor] what he said
[hotbitch] i bloody hope so