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Now Wally has been a bartender for a while now: he was used to hearing the usually sob stories and interesting tales. So imagine his surprise one late night, after Ozzie's had closed for the night. Wally had just finished cleaning and was about to take stock when he heard a thump behind him. He turns and lo and behold it wasn't just some regular old joe: it was living, breathing SIN!
Asmodeus, the living embodiment of lust, one of the seven deadly sins. The Ruler of the Lust ring, so of course, he was living a life of luxury. He was also the owner of one of the finest clubs in all the seven rings, something he smugly rubs into his sibling's faces from time to time. And to top it all off, his was attractive to boot; he was just downright irresistible.
And He…was currently having a mid-life crisis. Ozzie's main head was buried in his hands: the ram and bull looked confused and frustrated. With Wally as the victim of the hour to witness this.
For a while, nothing was said. Wally tried to finish up but the awkward atmosphere seemed persistent to stay. So he opens his mouth to ask what was-
"I just don't get it," Ozzie mumbles into his hands.
"Well, I say, I say…What?"
"I've tried everything, but nothing is working!" Ozzie continues.
"What's not working, sir?" Wally asks, but to be honest, he was still baffled as to why Asmodeus was even talking to him.
"Fizzarolli!" He slams both hands on the bar.
Oh, that's right, Fizzarolli was the new host of Ozzie's. He had only been working here for a few months now, but he was already attracting new horny clients by the thousands. Who would've thought that jesters were sexy? As for Fizz himself, he was already making himself comfortable in this fine establishment and was easy to get along, well…at least in Wally's opinion.
"The new guy? Uh…what about him not working?"
"Fucking him!" Asmodeus groans, running a hand down his face.
"Oh, is he…not good?" That's strange, cause he was fantastic. Once again in Wally's humble opinion.
"I wouldn't know! That's the problem!" Ozzie seethed.
"oh…well I say, I say… why haven't ya?"
"It has NOT been a lack of effort on my part! I can assure you!" Ozzie grumbles.
"Well, it can't be that hard, I say, I say" Wally blushes a little.
"I tried dropping hints, I've tried complimenting him, I showered him with gifts! Heaven Sake, I actually showered WITH him and all he did was wash my back!"
"Oh!" The Imp flushes at that confession.
"I've literally waited for Fizz in his dressing room, naked mind you, and told him outright that I wanted to take that cute little ass and pound him into next week, and do you know what he says to me!" Ozzie looked downright insulted.
"…uh-"
"'Ha-ha weird, why are you in my dressing room?' Proceeds to change and says goodnight to me all while I'M NAKED!" Ozzie straggles the air before slumping into his hands.
"…Have you considered that maybe your not his type or…He's straight?" Though that last part wouldn't explain last Tuesday, Wally thought to himself.
"I've already asked! I've asked for his type! I ask if he's Ace, Bi, Gay, Pan, Straight! The works! I have asked him every question I could think of!"
"Huh? Well, what he say, he say?" this was still an all-around strange situation but Wally would never turn good gossip.
"He said he likes men, Then that little tease proceeds to give me the come hither eyes and tells me 'he likes 'em tall, beefy and knows how to use it if you know what I mean.~' If that's not describing me to a T, I don't know what does. And When I tried to go further he just doesn't react!" Ozzie rambles.
Wally raises his hand to talk but was cut off.
"I even told him, multiple times, that I want to fuck him! I go into detail about what exactly I would do to his little body, but he's just absolutely clueless! I can’t even get the little bastard to blush!" Ozzie finishes, slamming his head against the counter, burying his fingers through his mane.
"Well I say, I say when I flirt with him, he always gets tongued tied!" Wally chirped.
"…I beg your pardon…"
Wally's eyes shot open. Wrong thing to say! He immediately tries to backpedal.
"Er- well w-what I m-mean is-" Wally stammers.
"What do you say?" Ozzie demanded, sitting up to his full height, crossing his arms. The ram and bull gave the imp a skeptical look.
"Huh?"
"You're certainly not tall, you're not beefy, and," Ozzie looks him up and down, "You know the rest."
Wally felt a little hurt by that and pouts "HEY! He jumps my bones the last ti-er" He chokes down the rest of that sentence as Ozzie glares into him.
"He WHAT!" His claws dig into the bar countertop.
"Well I say, I say that's a poor way to SAY that! What I mean is that Fizzarolli and I just…" Ozzie's glare intensified, shutting up the poor bartender.
"What do you sa-… what are the exact words you use?" Ozzie corrected himself.
"Well, You know things like-" Wally pauses, trying to remember a few good ones he used on the smiling jester. He snaps his fingers as one comes to mind.
"Do you like sleeping? Me too, we should do it together sometimes" and ends it with a wink.
"…what?"
"Or Ho-ho he like this one 'Well I say, I say I'm always on top of important things, would you like to be on that list tonight?'" Wally proceeds to finger gun.
One by one, Ozzie's jaws drop, a look of complete disbelief on all three heads.
"Oh wait, this one had him bustin' a gut! Ahem- 'If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?'" and to finish it off, Wally wiggles his eyebrows.
It…took a few moments for Ozzie to collect himself.
"Wally, sweetie, honey-" Ozzie pinches the bridge of his snout "…are you telling that Fizz fucks you after you use those lines? Pickup lines? Dirty pickup line?"
"Well I say, I say it Works every time! He says He says he loves pickup lines! The dirtier, the better!" Wally even raises his chin up in pride.
…
Ozzie abruptly stands up and starts stalking off towards the little imps dressing room.
Wally watches in shock as Asmodeus leaves. He couldn't believe that happened. He let out a sigh of relief: Well, at least That was over: he could go back to taking stock and calling it a night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any staff member working late was smart enough to quickly move out of the horny behemoth's path. Ozzie scolded himself; he felt absolutely stupid! Of course, it was pickup lines! In his defense, he usually likes being more direct than using cheesy one-liners to get his partners. It's been a very long time since he had even used one! It got to the point that anyone he even vaguely flirts with was already in his bed by the time he finished the sentence.
But his Fizzy-pop was different. At first, Asmodeus honestly thought he was just playing hard to get. He could sense the lust in the little star but after the first few attempts with no response, he tried being more direct. Then after months of the jester nonchalantly shrugging off his advances, he started feeling a little…insecure. Was he losing it? Had he lost his touch! He was desire incarnate for crying out loud!
So, in a moment of weakness, he confided in the bartender. He wasn't expecting much, just wanted someone to listen. Who would have thought that would lead him to the solution to his problems.
Ah, There it was, Fizzarolli's room: decorated in pretty neon green lights. Ozzie did a quick mental note as he reached the door. if this worked, give Wally one helluva raise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fizzarolli sat in front of the mirror in a rather snazzy dressing room, taking off his makeup. Mid-wipe he hear a knocking, the jester couldn't help but frown a little: who could need him now at this hour?
"Fizzie, Can I come in?" A deep sultry voice asks.
It was Ozzie, an affectionate grin spread across his lips. Ozzie has been nothing but a supportive and kind confidant after helping him get out of Mammon clutches. It was... incredibly hard to lose everything, limbs included. But Ozzie was there for him in his darkest moments and helped Fizz back on his feet, both figuratively and literally. Even though the Sin had an odd way of showing it, he still went out of his way to flatter and make Fizz feel wanted. What a pal!
"Come on in!" Fizz calls out.
Fizz snorted while he watches Ozzie ducking under the doorway to get in. The guy was too big for his own good… In all departments… His heart sped up a little. Fizz won't lie, he thought Ozzie was a beast of a demon. He would love to take Ozzie to all seven levels of heaven and then ride him down to hell… But he didn't want to take that chance and ruin their friendship. He forced whatever hope he had down. Pfft- as if an imp could ever get with a King.
Speaking of the King, Ozzie seemed to be on a mission as he walked over.
"Fizzy-pop, can I ask you something?" Ozzie coos as he gently picks him up before promptly shoving all makeup and cosmetics off the counter and setting Fizz on top. That was… something. The sin seems a little on edge tonight. Hopefully, Fizz could help his friend in need.
"Ask away, big guy." He winks up at him, sitting on the counter without a care in the world.
"Are you religious?"
"…huh?" That wasn't a question Fizz expected.
"Because you’re the answer to all of my prayers~" Ozzie leans in a real close, their snouts almost touching.
Fizz blinks; for a moment, nothing happens, he stares at Ozzie with a baffled expression... The Sin begins to wonder if this would work when Fizz's face explodes in a delicious deep shade of red.
"Fucking finally," Ozzie muttered under his breath before giving the fluster Imp a shit-eating grin.
"You like sales right Fizzy? Because if you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place~" Ozzie winks at him.
"I-I-" Fizz's brain short-circuited.
"I know you keep saying I'm devilishly handsome, but you know what I think could improve my face?"
"w-what?" Fizz barely managed to stutter out.
"Your legs wrap around it," Ozzie growled.
"Oz- wait I pfft-," Fizz stuttered before letting out his killer chainsaw laughter that Ozzie loved so much. But The Sin wasn't going to relent; he has thousands of years worth of pickup lines to use on his little star.
"If you're not going to answer my first question, can you at least answer my next one?"
Fizz was struggling to keep his giggling to a minimum, holding onto Ozzie's collar for dear life.
"Are you a washing machine? Cause I wanna fill you with my dirty load~"
Fizz only reply was burring his face in Ozzie's feathers, laughing up a storm.
"Pfft-haha, oh man, I didn't know you felt that way. Why didn’t you tell me before?" Fizz wipes a tear, still giggling.
Before Ozzie could say a word his collar gets yank down, the jester crashing their lips together. Fizz kisses him with so much passion it leaves him breathless.
"If you just told me you wanted to fuck, we could've gotten this party started~" Fizz crackles.
"Fizzy-pop, believe me, I have BEEN TRYING FOR WEEKS!" Ozzie grits out.
Fizz blinks, Ozzie's smile grows as he watches the Imp slowly put the pieces together.
"…Wait, so you being naked was?"
"Yes, my sweet naïve little darlin', it was me trying," Ozzie sighs.
"How was I suppose to know!?"
Asmodeus pulled back to give him a look to which Fizz gives right back.
"What? You're A Deadly Sin who gets everything he wants and I'm barely an Imp anymore, who had nothing. Whose was I to even think I had a chance… Besides, I thought you were just trying to be a good pal."
"Do friends usually aggressively flirt and get naked for each other?" Ozzie counters.
"Maybe? I don't know what you do for your friends!"
"Fizzy, sweetie, honey, this conversation is killing my boner" Ozzie grabs Fizz's hip and pulls him closer "do you mind if I buried it in you~"
Fizz laughs as he wraps his arms around Ozzie "Yes, Please!"