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To everyone else sleeping in the near pitch-black barracks, the night air coated them in a sense of safety and the silent creaking of wood went unnoticed by most of them. Except for Armin, who had already been having a restless night when he heard the door being pushed open. It was times like these when he didn’t appreciate having his bed right next to the door.
He sat up, expecting to see Sasha sneaking back from a late-night snack run. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he noticed the trembling figure making its way over to him.
“Eren?” He mumbled when the blurriness of sleep finally faded from his eyes.
Eren’s hair was a mess and his eyes were wet with shed tears and he was shaking as if he’d just seen the most awful thing in the world. When his eyes met Armin’s, he let out a sigh of relief as he slumped forward. “Thank goodness,” he whispered as he gently grasped Armin’s hand, pulling him into a hug, “you’re alive.”
Armin held his breath at the action, not sure how to react without waking the others. He wrapped his arms around Eren, cradling him like his mom used to. He must have had a nightmare or something similar.
A few wet splashes fell onto Armin’s shoulder as Eren proceeded to almost squeeze the life out of him. Normally, Armin wouldn’t mind being a source of comfort for his friend, but as Eren’s crying kept getting slightly louder, he worried about waking the other cadets for the millionth time in the last 5 minutes.
He gave Eren a nervous nudge. “Let’s go get you some water.”
Eren sniffed and removed himself from Armin dejectedly. Armin grabbed his hand again and guided him out of the room. He tried to close the door quietly but his fingers slipped and it closed louder than he had hoped.
Eren winced. “Sorry, I should have thought about everyone else sleeping before I came here,” he mumbled through a sniffle.
Armin shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I’m the one who dropped the door.”
It wasn’t like Armin kept an obsessive knowledge of Eren’s physical affection patterns, but he couldn’t help but notice that Eren was walking a bit closer to him than normal. He also hadn’t let go of his hand yet and it had been over a minute. He also received the occasional squeeze, like Eren was reassuring himself that Armin was indeed there as they tiptoed their way to the kitchen. Not that Armin was complaining.
Armin shut the kitchen door a lot quieter than he had the barrack door, thankfully. He tried to let go of Eren’s hand to get him a glass of water, but Eren tripped over himself to catch his hand again like the loss of contact would be the death of him.
“Sorry,” Eren whispered, slowly dropping Armin’s hand when the shorter boy had startled. “I’m acting dumb.”
“No, I don’t think so.” Armin filled a glass with water and handed it to Eren slowly. “Are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?”
Eren averted his eyes again as he took a sip from the glass. The silence of the dusty kitchen was pressing on Armin’s bones uncomfortably. “It was just a nightmare. It’s no big deal.”
Armin drew in a long, disbelieving breath. He maintained that awkward one-sided eye contact for a moment more, making sure Eren was intent on keeping his secrets before he pushed him again.
“Eren, this is the first time since we were kids that you’ve come to find me after a nightmare. I highly doubt it’s no big deal.”
Eren sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling, keeping them glued there for longer than necessary. He hummed for a moment before briefly meeting Armin’s eyes again. He sighed once more. “It’s just…you were-...it’s not the first time…and I couldn’t-” He huffed angrily.
“It’s not easy seeing your friends get hurt, even if it is just a dream.” Armin offered in what he had hoped was a comforting tone. But, to his dismay, Eren let out another angry puff of air and glanced away again.
“It’s not just that, it’s…you’re important to me Armin.”
“You’re important to me too-”
“You don’t get it,” he sighed. “Listen I-” He took a deep breath before finally solidifying eye contact with Armin. “I’m so scared that I’m going to lose you; more than I am to lose anyone else.
“And it’s not like there’s anyone else I would rather have fighting by my side. I trust you the most and you’re a brilliant strategist. There’s no way we would have made it this far without you.” Eren wrung his hands and wiggled his toes and bit his lip.
“But?” Armin cautiously prompted.
“But, if I had known trusting you and wanting you near would mean I might have to lose you……I’d rather we had never met.”
“Eren,” Armin gasped. “You don’t mean that!”
Eren huffed, frustrated at his inability to use words ot his advantage. “I do! I mean, you are the best part of my life! And if having you around means that you might die, then I’d rather you be nowhere near me because I can’t stand to lose the person I love!”
Armin sucked in a deep, hurried breath.
Eren’s eyes damn near popped out of his sockets when he realized what he had said out loud.
They stared at each other in flustered silence for a moment. The kitchen felt suffocating and oppressive now and neither seemed to know quite how to get their lungs to work again.
“Um,” Armin choked, breaking the unnatural silence between the two, “you love me? Like love me love me?”
Eren looked like he was about to pass out, puffy cheeks a bright pink and ears burnt red. “Yes,” he wheezed, releasing the air he’d kept trapped in his lungs for far too long. Eren was not ready for this. Maybe this was still part of his nightmare and he would wake up and he wouldn’t have made Armin uncomfortable and he could cry himself back to sleep in the luxury of his private room. (Sometimes needed supervision was a good thing.)
“Really?” Armin wasn’t faring much better as his fingers turned white against the counter he was gripping to keep himself standing. His throat felt like it might be permanently swollen and he might never breathe again. He must be dreaming.
Eren groaned. “Just tell me that you don’t like me and I can pretend this was still a dream and we can both go back to bed.” Eren accidentally dumped the rest of the water in his cup on his shirt as he tried to cover his eyes with his hands.
And now he was about to cry for an entirely different reason.
Despite himself, Armin coughed out a strangled laugh.
“Please don’t make this worse than it already is,” Eren whined. Humanity could find another hero if he died on the spot, right?
“Eren,” Armin tried to force the last of his chuckles away as he gently grasped Eren’s hands, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh at you. I just wasn’t sure how to react. "But-”
“But?”
“But,” Armin drawled teasingly, “I’m honored because I’ve been in love with you for such a long time and I was just so sure I wasn’t worth much to you.”
“How could you say that!?!?” Eren screeched before remembering that it was close to 4 am and he was definitely about to bring everyone in the building down on them. “Armin, do you even realize how much you mean to me? You’re practically the reason I wanted to join the scouts as a kid. And the reason I even found my reason to believe in freedom. If not for you, I’d still be sitting around waiting for something to happen and only fighting for myself.
“Armin, I want to take you to see the sea. It wouldn’t mean anything to me to see it without you because you’re the reason I even believe that it exists. There’d be no point in freedom if you weren’t around to experience it with me. Everything I love about the world, you’ve shown me. How could you not be the most precious person to me?”
They had started the night with Eren crying, but now it was Armin whose chin was quivering as he tried to keep the tears from falling past his eyelashes.
“You are everything I’ve ever wanted to be, Eren. You’re strong where I’m weak. You’re brave where I’m hesitant. I almost never win in a fight; but you, even when the odds are stacked against you, you’ve never given up. You’re the reason I keep trying when I feel like I’ve lost. You’re the reason for me to keep going. How could I ever measure up to you?”
Eren felt a small, loving smile creep onto his face. “But, Armin, you’re the one who taught me to never stop fighting. ‘As long as you don’t give up, you’ve won.’” Eren pulled Armin into a tight hug. “You’re my inspiration, Armin, and I would never think of you as anything less than brave and strong and passionate and kind.”
Eren pulled away just enough to rest his forehead against Armin’s. Armin sniffled a little.
“You’re not fair, Eren. Do you even know how long I’ve been in love with you?”
“No,” Eren couldn’t stop smiling, “but, could you tell me?”
Armin playfully rolled his eyes, a smile finally overpowering his happy tears. “Do you remember that night we found the book about the stars and constellations?”
“And we spent all night outside learning the stories? My mom was so mad when we caught colds.” Eren let out the tiniest, nostalgic laugh.
Armin copied that laugh with one of his own. Both of their eyes were closed at this point; just focused on being in each other’s arms and feeling each other breath.
“Yeah, well, this is gonna sound stupid, but we were learning the one about the lyre-”
“Lyra.”
“Yeah,” Armin chuckled, “that one. We got to the end of the story, where Orpheus turns around. And you just did that thing you do when you pout and your eyebrows pinch together and you said-” Armin had to pause for a small, endeared laugh, “you said, ‘he’s such an idiot.’ But you were so serious about it; like him being an idiot was the biggest crime that had ever happened even though we were surrounded by giant man-eating monsters. And you had this look in your eye like if you had met him, you would have fought him to the death right then and there. And I remember thinking, ‘wow, Eren’s kind of cute,’ and then I knew. I knew that I loved you and being by your side was all I ever wanted to do.”
Eren let out a breathless laugh. “God, that was so long ago. I’m sorry I’ve been such an idiot.”
Armin shook his head. “I wasn’t bothered. I got to be around you every day. What did I have to complain about?”
“For me,” Eren sighed, “it wasn’t just one moment where I knew, but it was several little things I noticed that I loved about you and before I knew it, I couldn’t think of you any other way.”
“Tell me some?”
“There was that one time you hung upside down from the top bunk because you needed more blood to think. I didn’t understand it, but the look in your eyes seemed very serious and I was so curious to find out what you were thinking.
“You do this thing when you’re thinking, with your nose. You crinkle it like it’s in the way of where your brain needs to be. It’s adorable.
“You’re so smart and you like to fight with your words rather than your fists or weapons. The way you’ve spoken circles around Jean is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing it.
“And my favorite? The reason I want to take you to the sea so bad? The way your eyes light up when you talk about the things outside the walls. It’s like I can see the sea and the stars and everything beautiful about this world in your eyes. I’d let you talk circles around me forever if it meant I got to see your eyes sparkle like that.”
Armin felt his toes curl almost painfully. “Eren,” he hummed as he trailed his hands up Eren’s back to circle around his shoulders, “I’d like to kiss you. If that’s okay?”
“Please,” Eren breathed as he tilted his head to meet Armin halfway.
Armin regrets not letting himself think about this more. Maybe if he had let himself indulge in his fantasies instead of trying to push them away, he would have been more prepared for this.
But then, could any amount of thinking really have prepared him for Eren? He had thought Eren would have kissed like he fought, quick and passionate and hungry. But Eren was treating him like he was something to be treasured, spoiled, pampered.
Eren’s hands moved across his body as if he were the best thing Eren had ever touched; unhurried and certain with gentle, firm pressure. Armin was precious to him and he wanted him to know that with every press of his lips and caress of his hands.
Armin tried to cool the fire flooding through his veins by gasping some air into his lungs. He pushed onto his tiptoes as he wound his fingers through Eren’s hair and practically melted when Eren sighed into his mouth.
Eren pressed closer to Armin, though it almost wasn’t possible as there wasn’t much space left to begin with. Armin was so alive. He kept finding more things to love about him; specifically, the way Armin could command his entire being from just a simple brush of lips.
He finally let his hands settle on Armin’s hips as he pressed him against the counter. He sighed; this was heaven.
Armin swore his heart was about to explode. This was such an intense feeling and he wasn’t sure his body could hold it. He hooked his arms around Eren’s shoulders, trying to pull himself up and closer to Eren.
“I love you,” Eren breathed.
Yeah, Armin would definitely be thinking about this more.
Something crashed at the other end of the kitchen. Armin jumped, accidentally biting Eren’s lip harder than intended.
“Oh! I’m sorry! Are you okay?” He placed his hands on Eren’s cheeks and glanced into his eyes.
Eren chuckled, having already forgotten the loud noise. “I’m more than okay.” He leaned down again before jerking away at the sound of another voice.
“Sorry!” Sasha squeaked as she righted the chair she had bumped into. “I was just trying to get a snack, I didn’t know you guys would be in here, uh- I’m sorry!”
Armin forced a nervous laugh past the embarrassment clogging his throat as he pried himself away from Eren- already missing Eren’s unnatural body heat- who nearly whimpered at the loss of contact.
“Sorry, Sasha. We should- uh- we should probably be getting back to bed.” Armin waved as he tugged Eren out of the room; he did not have the courage to meet Sasha’s eyes when all of them were feeling incredibly awkward.
“Hey,” Eren whispered, tugging on Armin’s hand, “will you…” he bit his lip and averted his eyes, “will you stay with me tonight? I don’t want to have another nightmare like that.” The nervous hope in Eren’s eyes was enough to make Armin’s heart melt.
“Like I even need an excuse to stay with you,” he smiled. “Lead the way, Eren.”