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She shouldn’t, she didn’t want to. It was for the best. But her heart had already spoken, long before she tried to question its will. That anxious, adamant, cruel thing.
The resting point only had two rooms. They were exhausted, just barely out of Mount Nibel. The hike to Rocket town, where they’d make a stop, would easily wear them all out of what little reserves they had left in them, it wasn’t worth the stretch. So they decided to spare a few hours.
The house only had the basic. Some beds, an old worn-out couch in the main room. Lots of spiderwebs and a coat of dust on every wooden surface.
Stowed inside the cabinet they found a few usable potions and a couple of ethers, forgotten there for who knows how long, the sulfuric stench emanating from inside the container Vincent had opened to check was proof of it.
“Oh gross!!! Did they pull that out of a bahamut’s ass?” Yuffie complained upon getting a sniff at the putrid scent of the drink.
“Okay, we should call it a night so we can head to Rocket Town first thing in the morning. Maybe we can find someone there who won’t be as foul-mouthed.” Barret blurted out side-glancing Yuffie’s way.
“Who are you calling foul-mouthed! I’m a princess!”
“Right, I almost forgot.” Barret rolled his eyes.
“Not like she hasn’t said it enough times already.” Red joined in, eyes soft as he looked at the ninja.
“I dare you finding someone more refined than me.” Yuffie mumbled as she walked away to investigate the girl’s room in search of hidden materia. “Rocket Town my ass, I’m a freaking lady.” They heard last before she disappeared into the room.
“That escalated pretty quickly.” Tifa shook her head, biting her lips not to laugh. “I guess we’re all just tired.”
The cabin was more abandoned than habitable. Still, it was a roof over their heads. Nibelheim’s weather was a mountain air sharp cold, the kind which humid wind achingly creeped into their bones and settled there obstinately. The mako smeared the air with an old metallic scent they couldn’t escape from, not even indoors. Rust and mold ate at the cabin’s wood which cracks snaked through the walls like slivers of sharp icicles.
The small shower was in an unsurprising state of disrepair, but it was better than having nothing. It didn’t properly look elegant for a resting point, one would think they’d be better taken cared of, nor was it cozy for all that mattered, but they would be sheltered from the night’s cold blanket.
“Ain’t this nice.” Barret snorted, accentuating what was already in plain sight to see. “Makes you almost appreciate the slums.”
“Hey, what’s wrong with the slums?” Aerith frowned, swiping a finger across the length of a chair. Her fingertip was covered in a veil of grey dust she rubbed away with her thumb.
“Uh… I didn’t mean anything...” Barret’s raspy voice wavered as he scratched the back of his head, a small apologetic smile pulling at his lips. “Ah—sorry. Your place was kinda nice.”
She giggled, dusting off her hands. “I’m just messing with you. After Kalm, I really think I was missing out.”
She knew there was a whole world outside the protection of the plate, she just thought she could wait a little longer so she wouldn’t discover it by herself.
Aerith’s curiosity took over as her eyes were filled with each and every object, short or big, inside the space of the room. It wasn’t all that bad, sure it could use some color. But it was the two-door wardrobe standing against a wall that caught most of her attention. It could maybe be storing useful materials. It was poorly treated, like everything else in there, fading grey paint snapping in scratched marks on its doors, a loopy looking handle more rusted than the pipes they had jumped over climbing Mount Nibel, and which matching one was missing from the other door.
She advanced towards it, all impulse no brain.
“And behind door number one we have…” The green-eyed said cheerfully, hand reaching for the handle.
“No wait—“
But Cloud was too late, she had already opened it. The blond froze on his feet, arm stretched her direction, eyes wide open in alarm.
“Relax!” Aerith fanned a hand his way, blinking at his noticeable sudden panic. “What do you think could be inside an old, abandoned, slightly creepy-looking broken ward—
One dorky-face monster slammed it’s way out through the other door, shrieking a painful shrilling scream that made them all cover their ears in agony. Aerith raised her arms to cover her face protectively, yelping with the startle.
Amidst its maddening howls bouncing off the walls, Cloud ran towards Aerith with furious haste, his hand already wrapped around the hilt of his sword. He shoved the pumpkin-head away from her with his shoulder and then drawing slightly back on his feet to gain momentum, he thrusted himself forward, sword sliding through the air and finally hitting the floating monster, easily cutting it in two.
It was over before it had even started, the creature shook violently, it was weak under the brutal strike of his sword. It vanished almost immediately leaving behind the red trail of its phantom shadow that hovered in the air for a few seconds before disappearing completely.
“You alright?” He turned to Aerith, locking his sword back in its magnetic bolt behind him. His gaze hard on her, lips pressing firmly together.
“Well, that was close.” She nodded lightly, then flashed him a wide smile.
She watched him flinch closer to her, his hand lifted but paused halfway: “You could have gotten hurt.” He said, his tone a little sharp.
“But I didn’t.” She clasped her hands behind her back, rocked on her heels a bit.
Cloud stared at her, eyes large and glowing examining her, looking for any sign of injury. When he couldn’t find any, he turned his gaze away but his furrowed brow didn’t soften the slightest bit as he walked away from where Aerith stood.
“That little sucker.” Barret interrupted, the rest of them stood on their places staring incredulously at the wardrobe Aerith decided on closing back shut. “How did that thing get in there?”
“There were a lot of those hidden back at the Mansion.” Tifa reached for Aerith, stroked her back in slow soothing circles. “But this is a resting point. It should be safe.”
“I guess it is now.” Barret wrapped it up.
Cloud scanned the place thoroughly afterwards, to make sure there weren’t any more surprises. They settled down for the night after eating, but not without lighting up the only fireplace using some old dry logs they found piled in one corner.
The girls took the room on the left where Tifa and Aerith would share a bed while Yuffie took the other. Barret and Vincent occupied the other two beds of the room on the right while Red and Caith Sith, laid down on the rug in between, nestled against the moogle. Cloud agreed to have the couch on the living-room, near the fireplace, on the condition that he’d be closer to the door, prepared, should any trouble come their way.
Aerith stared at the ceiling for a long time as the night crept slowly in through the room. Tifa was fast asleep beside her, curled up on herself trying not to occupy much space of the single bed they were sharing so they could both fit as comfortably as they could.
She wanted to close her eyes but her mind kept her more awake than sometimes during the day, her racing heart also preventing her from doing so. What was it with the dark?
A lot had happened since Cloud came crashing down the roof. They all had had a very long and proving journey that showed how much the group had grown to rely on each other.
Another significant cause for her anxiety was that she was no longer inside the belly of the undercity. There were no walls now, no plate to stand under. No flowers… no peaceful world she could understand where they bloomed. She sighed, anticipating the unknown.
There was nothing but sky and green plains, blue seas and sunlight, real sunlight, clear and bright, deprived of the constant cloud cover of Midgar. She tightened her grip on the sheets beneath her. The sky… it didn’t suck her in like she for so long thought it would.
It… set her free.
Her mind steered her into thinking about Cloud. About the night he so determinedly sat beside her at Cosmo Canyon, solacing her loneliness. About the story he told them in Kalm, how he lost his town, only to find it back up after so long. She saw the confusion in his eyes, but believed him all the same. Just little by little, the more she knew him… the more she felt drawn to him.
But she also knew she shouldn’t feed whatever spark she felt inside her heart for Cloud. She knew that she’d start to like him just a little more strongly if she were to let herself go.
She knew she shouldn’t.
Better not.
It was for the best to just keep her distance. Not get close to anyone.
If that so… then… why couldn’t she?
Tired of stalling the inevitable, with a will stronger than her own impositions, she got up, walked slowly and cautiously not to make any sound that could wake the others as she made her way across the room. She held her breath as she clicked the door shut. Waited a few seconds to make sure no one had moved on their beds before she made the rest of the way towards the couch where Cloud laid.
She stared at him sleeping on his side, a hand under his cheek, his other arm along his side, hanging from over his stomach. A map of Gaia, he clearly had been studying, laid outstretched on the floor beside the couch.
His body was haloed by the warm glow of orange and yellow from the flames burning low on the fireplace. The faint light poured on his hair, blushing it a brilliant shade of gold while his pale skin looked ethereal under the shifting colors of amber. A strand of hair fell over one of his eyes and she brushed it away carefully. He was handsome, she couldn’t lie. Just looking at him made her stomach flutter.
He was a different kind of handsome than Zack… she bit her lip, hating that she had compared them before. He wore the same clothes, carried the same sword, the same blazing blue of their eyes, but Cloud was nothing like Zack. He was sweet… a modest kind of sweet, almost innocent, beneath all that unaffected stoicism he thought he had. Cloud was… like a small, wounded thing. Shy, maybe, naïve even. But he could also be stubborn, self-dependent, arrant. All the traits she liked to tease him around with. He was—
“Need something?”
Awake.
She cleared her throat, blinked back at his now opened blue eyes. Then kneeled beside him. Dropping her head down to his eye-level, she grinned.
“Couldn’t sleep.” She admitted plainly, then sat down on the floor, her back against the couch, in front of him. She was so close she felt her loose hair brushing softly against the hand he had over his stomach and above the brown blanket he was using to cover his legs. “Still mad about the pumpkin?”
“I wasn’t mad.” He said promptly. “I was just… worried about you getting hurt.”
“I’m clearly on the wrong hunt then.”
He groaned faintly behind her. “Be more careful the next time.” His voice came out deep, worried, solemn, carrying an apprehension in its notes that made her body shudder. “I can’t… see you hurt.” His words were breathy.
Something in her chest warmed. “Promise I will.” She nodded, eyes looking forward not to meet his. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
“I wasn’t sleeping.” He said.
“You weren’t?” She finally turned to face him. “Could have fooled me, judging by the way your breathing looked so deep. You know, breathe in slowly, long exhale out.” Her chest lifted and dropped as she took a deep longer breath to exemplify it.
She felt him shift behind her, felt his eyes locking on her, the quietness of his smile.
“Why were you staring at me?” He asked softly, in his own lighter tone, she already knew — meant he was interested.
“I wasn’t exactly staring.”
He let out a small chuckle. “Could have fooled me, the way you stood so still looking at me sleeping.”
She puffed her cheeks, speechless for a moment, her eyes narrowing at him. “Clearly, you’ve been spending too much time with me.”
A light huff escaped his lips as a smirk whited its way across his face. “That bad?” Boy, was he in good spirits now.
She glanced away, eyes sliding down to her feet, her toes curled inside her pink socks.
Yes. She should say.
“Not really.” It was stronger than her. She rested her chin on her knees, an unbidden smile gracing her lips. “I was just checking on you. I guess I felt a little bad, with you sleeping here all by yourself, on a couch. Especially with things coming out of everywhere!”
“I’ve slept through worse.” He said, his head turned to face the ceiling. “Plus, it’s better to be here by myself than with four different creatures in the crammed space of a bedroom.” He cocked his chin the boy’s room direction.
She let out a short giggle. “Well, when you put it that way…”
The fire hissed, its whistle echoed through the silence that settled around them as her laughter dimmed.
“Hey Cloud…” she started. “You ask me all the time… even when you don’t really need to. But I’ve noticed, no one ever asks you… if you’re okay?” She said quietly.
“What do you mean?” He kept looking up.
“The story you told us about your hometown.” She continued. “Must have been hard dealing with all of it alone. Watching someone who could be considered a friend do that to your family. Turn into… something else.”
He didn’t speak for a long sharp moment, gaze frozen on the ceiling over their heads.
“I believe you and I are not much different.” She said, voice distant as she closed her eyes for a few seconds. “We both lost too many people because of the same link. We both keep so much in.” Her fingers played with the carpet beneath her. “And only trust to very few.” He didn’t move, shoulders hunched and arms folded. She could tell by his hesitation he wanted to say something.
“Yeah…” his voice came out hoarse, at last. She heard him swallow before he spoke. “I’m fine. You’ll be fine too. We’ll figure it out.“
“I…” she trailed off. Then turned her gaze to the fireplace. Several sparks of sunshine flickered up in spirals as one of the logs broke in half, consumed by the flames. “…also wanted to get you alone, to say thank you.”
“For what?” His body stiffened behind her.
Her heart pounded, it was all she could hear. “For a lot of things I guess.” She sighed, her breath came out shaky. “But the most recent one, for making me feel less lonely.” She hugged her legs tighter to her chest, feeling small. Her mind flashed back to a time where her mother smiled warmly at her, kissed her forehead, filling her with joy inside an empty sad room. She thought she had known happiness then. Her heart stuttered, remembering the hands that teared them apart.
A long pause thickened the air around them. She dropped her head back to rest against his stomach, turned her face to his. The yellow shadows of the flames danced upon the blue of his eyes as he looked at her. A sunset gleaming in them. She could get lost in his gaze, fly beyond the skies in it.
But she shouldn’t have those thoughts, she couldn’t.
Better not.
Better look away.
But before she had the chance to, his hand traveled to the back of her head, fingertips brushing against her hair—gradually, timorously at first, like a gentle tremor.
Her stomach clenched.
Slow, careful, delicate bare fingers wove through her hair, brushing chestnut strands back, caressing her.
She held her breath.
“No problem.” He said, holding her gaze.
“Don’t say it’s just part of your competencies as a bodyguard.” She half-whispered, a little shook by his sudden show of affection. The touch of his fingers as he kept kneading the back of her head all the way down to her neck was distracting, but it was also caring, soothing, extremely comforting. Exactly what she needed.
“It’s not.” He said. It would take her just a stretch of a hand to reach his cheek and stroke his skin in return. She feared what it could start, what it could ignite… what would happen if she leaned in, would he back away? Maybe, probably, probably not. She knew what it would do to her on the other hand, her feelings for him would solidify, rise up from the wreckage of her walls.
She feared what it could start, should she give in to yearning in her heart… though she wanted it as badly.
“Cloud…” she said. “What would you do if you knew you were hurting someone… by wanting to spend time with them?”
He paused, she felt his breath catch in his throat. He was motionless for a few seconds, the shine in his eyes the only demonstration he had heard her question. Then his fingers resumed dancing across her skin—an erratic, cautious pattern—pressing up softly along the nape of her neck, gently threading through her hair.
“Why would you hurt someone by being with them?” He asked, slightly lifting his head to take a better look at her face.
She rolled her head slowly against him, maybe not to meet the intrigue in his eyes, turned her face to look at the ceiling, his hand moving to the top of her head following her motion.
“You’re right. Forget I asked about it.” It was complicated, not even she understood the selfish implications of her question. All she knew was her heart was screaming to be closer to him. To keep getting to know him, to let him know her while at the same time the planet kept warning her about duty. It’s a whisper in the wind, a calling in the leaves, something she’s already used to hear but out in the wild, their voice is more prominent. It’s no longer a plead, more like a direction.
“Is that about us?” He pressed.
A pause.
“Is there an us?” She asked with a smile, her gaze set on the the moldy cracks on the ceiling above them. Specks of condensed mako glimmered in a green light along the lines, like rivers of twilight stars creating trails along a solid sky. Her eyes followed the serpentining paths they traced along the wood boards while she tried to slow down her reeling mind.
He was fascinating, everything about him fascinated her. How he had such a hard approach on events but at the same time could be so soft, almost delicately perceptive about other matters. Just proof he wasn’t all Soldier, no heart, like he sometimes tried to portray. He could calm her down to a very peaceful state with little more than a word and he could excite her just the same with only a glance towards her.
But she wondered if it was only with her. She had seen him interacting with Tifa. It looked different, maybe because they had a different type of relationship, they knew each other long before they came into her life, were friends before. Maybe… maybe with Tifa he had some other intimacy. One they shared when they were alone too. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe she shouldn’t get in between. She felt her limbs numbing as she thought of it. Those were a lot of maybes for such little certainties.
His silence drew her from her musings like a magnet and she turned her head towards him once more, her eyes now focused on him, finding him looking.
“Get up from the floor.” He said quietly.
“What?” She lifted her head from where it rested on his stomach, his hand pulled back as he elevated on his elbow.
“Switch places with me.” He gestured for her to take the couch with a pat of his hand on its pillowed surface.
“Ah, I couldn’t.” She shook her head. “I should go back to bed.” She sat upright but then couldn’t find the strength to get up. Her eyes anchored back on him.
Don’t.
“Unless you want me to keep you company a while longer. But I’m not taking your couch.” There she was again, suggesting him things without thinking about the consequences. She should be careful, she knew love could be born from lesser actions.
Instead of refusing, instead of making up an excuse — because he could say he was tired, he could say he wanted to be alone, he could say a lot of other things that would make her leave — but instead…
“Here.” He stretched her his hand and scooted over to make room for her. Blue eyes absorbing all of the burning colors of the fire looked at her intently. She watched his features softening. “We can do that. But I’m not letting you stay on the floor either.” He said.
Her eyes widened. “You sure?” She asked. Because she wasn’t sure about anything anymore.
“We still have a few more hours.” He nodded, a light pink spread across the freckles on his cheeks. “Could use the help if any more of those things pop up.”
She took his hand, then laid down on the couch next to him. He pulled the blanket up to their waists to cover them up. It got tighter on the scarce room of the couch as they nestled under the cover. Every inch of her body was pressed against his, so… so close she couldn’t tell where she began or he did as he circled his arm around her, hand resting on her back bracingly making sure she was comfortable, given the circumstances.
He drew his head back, let her lean her forehead on the crook of his neck while he rested his chin against the crown of her head. His warm breath danced in her hair as he exhaled slowly. His sultry perfume inescapably captured all of her senses, a subtle vanilla scent mixed with the woodsy notes of smoke that she could almost feel in her chest. Against her folded arms, where they pressed on his chest in between them, she felt the swishing kick of his heart, thumping erratically inside, colliding with her own uncooperative heartbeat.
She closed her eyes, quietly wanting nothing more than to stay there with him. Side by side, embracing, understanding what the other was feeling without having to say it. Her thoughts were falling back into order, but her restlessness hadn’t left her quite yet, she knew it would probably never leave. That slow ache in her heart, present at all times.
Soon the break of day would start inching in on them, with cold, relentless rays of sunlight making their way in through the condensation-dotted window pane to warn her they were one day closer to the purpose of their journey.
“Thank you for asking about me.” Heavy arms hugged her tighter, rested on her. “Whatever you think you’re doing wrong… you’re not.” He soothed her. His voice sounded warm in the cold night, wading in through her veins like hot water.
She tilted the tip of her chin up to look at him, away from the zone of warmth around them and locked her eyes with his.
They would have more than a few hours, a few days, a few nights.
And she was going to make them all count.
She wasn’t made of stone. Her heart had its own will, one her mind couldn’t object with.
And after all… it was already too late.