Archive of Our Own

It’s not even that bad. 

Yes, Carlos is in the hospital and just got out of surgery, but it’s not because he got shot or kidnapped or fell into a frozen lake. Carlos’ appendix had become inflamed, so he needed it removed before it ruptured and caused even more issues. There’d been a small complication when the organ had been too inflamed to remove laparoscopically, and the doctors had switched to open surgery. In the end, it meant his surgery had been a bit more extensive, but they’d removed the appendix before it ruptured, the surgery had gone smoothly from there and now Carlos was in recovery. 

Despite knowing all that, and that Carlos would almost definitely make a full recovery, TK is still completely freaking out.

He’s going to buy his boyfriend flowers once a week for the rest of their lives for putting him through this more than once. 

And he almost died more than once. 

TK’s hardly coping with the most basic surgery in the world, he has no idea how Carlos made it through with his sanity intact.

TK is pacing nervously around Carlos’ hospital room, because sitting still has never exactly been his strong suit, when a soft groan comes from the bed. TK rushes over to his boyfriend’s side to find him shifting uncomfortably, face screwed up in pain.

“Baby?” TK asks, stroking Carlos’ hair back from his forehead. “You with me?”

“Ugh.” Carlos moans. “Hurts.” He manages to crack his eyes open to look at TK, but his gaze is unfocused and his eyelids are drooping.

“I’ll call the nurse.” TK tells him, hitting the button before Carlos can object. He doesn’t, and it sends TK’s anxiety through the roof again, because he absolutely expected Carlos to try and claim he could tough it out.

“I love you.” Carlos mumbles. He’s still fighting to stay awake and his forehead is creased in pain. Tears flood TK’s eyes at those three words, but he’s already embarrassed about how much he’s cried in the past twelve hours, so he blinks rapidly to disperse them.

“I love you too, babe.” He whispers. “Hold on just a few minutes, they’ll get you some more drugs and then you’ll feel better.”

The nurse enters then, right on time.

“Mr. Reyes, nice to see you awake.” She says, smiling kindly at TK’s boyfriend. “I’m Jessica, I’ll be your nurse for today.”

“He’s in pain.” TK blurts. Then he winces, because he definitely sounded a little rude, but Jessica doesn’t seem to notice. She frowns and moves closer to Carlos, taking in his pale and sweaty complexion, restless shifting and pained face. She moves to the computer then, typing and clicking away for a few moments.

“We’ve got you on a pretty significant dose of naproxen, sir.” She finally tells them. “You shouldn’t be in this much pain.”

“Is something wrong?” TK asks anxiously, unable to stop the thought that this might mean Carlos has some undiagnosed complication.

“Probably not.” Jessica assures him, walking back over to stand on the other side of Carlos’ bed. “Everyone reacts differently to pain medication, this might just not be the right thing for him. His doctor is right next door, checking up on another patient, so I’ll go grab him and bring him over. He’ll be able to determine the next step to manage his pain better.” She gives him a comforting smile before leaving the room, and TK goes back to stroking Carlos’ hair. It always makes him feel better when he’s sick or injured, so he hopes Carlos finds it soothing as well. They’ve been dating for almost three years, and somehow this is the first time Carlos has been sicker with anything more severe than a cold. Damn his boyfriend and his incredibly competent immune system.

“How are you doing?” Carlos mumbles. At this point, his eyes are closed and he’s barely awake at all, so TK just stares at him for a moment before replying.

“ You just had emergency surgery and you’re worried about how I’m doing?” 

Carlos does something that TK is pretty sure was meant to be a shrug, but ends up just being a little twitch of his shoulders.

“You don’t handle stress well.” Carlos says. TK makes a face at him even though his eyes are closed and he definitely can’t see it. “You get all twitchy and neurotic.”

“I don’t like post-surgery Carlos.” TK retorts. “He’s mean to me.”

“If you hadn’t noticed by now, I’m extremely attracted to twitchy and neurotic.” Carlos says just as Jessica re-enters the room with the doctor. Her mouth quirks ever so slightly at the conversation they’ve walked into, but otherwise they both remain professional.

“Mr. Reyes, I’m Doctor Williams” The man says. “I hear you’re still in quite a bit of pain. Could you rate it on a scale of one to ten for me?”

“Maybe a six or a seven?” Carlos says, having opened his eyes again, just enough to look at the doctor. Just as Jessica had earlier, the doctor frowns.

“That’s definitely higher than we’d like, especially at this point in recovery,” Dr. Williams says. “We want to control the initial pain and keep you relaxed, in order to kickstart the healing process. We’ll try increasing the dose as our first step, and then we can explore other options if your pain doesn’t improve.”

“Sounds great.” Carlos groans. The doctor turns away to talk to Jessica, and TK focuses all of his attention back on Carlos.

“They’ll get you all sorted out,” TK tells him. “You’ll feel better soon.”

- - -

Carlos does not feel better. 

Nothing improves throughout the day. Carlos is unable to sleep, unwilling to eat and is still in an almost unbearable amount of pain. TK feels completely helpless to do anything besides sit with him and hold his hand. Finally, in the evening, the doctor returns.

“Well Mr. Reyes, it’s time now that we explore your other options.” He says.

“What exactly do you mean?” TK asks, even though he’s a paramedic and very aware of pain management strategies, so he’s fairly certain what the doctor is about to tell them.

“After a surgery like this we usually prescribe non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, to avoid the possibility of addiction.” Dr. Williams says. TK’s heart drops out of his chest even though he basically knew this is where the conversation would go. “Unfortunately for some people, such as yourself, those types of medications just aren’t effective enough. So, we’ll be switching you over to morphine, and hopefully that manages your pain better while you’re here in the hospital. And then we’ll send you home with a prescription for oxycodone to take for a few days, after which you can switch to over-the-counter pain relievers.”

Carlos, who has been drifting in a pain-filled haze most of the day, is suddenly more awake than he has been since before he went in for surgery last night. He can’t move very well, but his eyes snap open and he raises a hand in a “stop” motion towards the doctor.

“No!” He says, quite forcefully. “No opioids!”

“Baby…” TK tries to interject, but Carlos is on a mission.

“I can’t be on opioids. Figure something else out.” Dr. Williams makes a confused face, glancing down at the tablet in his hands.

“Your chart doesn’t mention anything about that…” He says, glancing back at Jessica. 

“It’s not because of him.” TK interrupts. “It’s because of me.” Both medical professionals turn to look at him, and he immediately feels like hiding from their gaze. Their facial expressions remain professionally neutral, but that little voice in his head that still hasn’t gone away won’t stop telling him that they’re definitely judging.

“I’m almost three years sober since my last relapse. And I was around two years sober before that incident. But, I’m obviously still an addict so...” TK says. “Are there any other options?”

“Since the first didn’t, it's unlikely any other non-steroidal drugs will work.” Dr. Williams tells them. “And over-the-counter options are definitely going to be inadequate for someone in this much pain.” TK sighs tiredly, looking at Carlos again. His hair is plastered to his forehead with sweat, and he’s holding his body impossibly still to avoid causing himself more pain. There’s no way he’ll be able to heal properly without any pain medication.

“Carlos, babe, you need painkillers.” TK says. “I’ll be fine.”

“No, you won’t.” Carlos mumbles. 

The words feel like a knife to TK’s heart, and he’s completely blindsided. Somewhere in the background he can hear Dr.Williams say that he’ll give them a moment to discuss the issue, and the sound of him leaving the room. TK assumes Jessica goes with him, but he can’t focus on anything except what Carlos just said. 

After all this time, does Carlos actually think he’s that likely to relapse at the first opportunity? He’s been working in an ambulance with opioids for years. At this point, Tommy and Nancy stopped double-checking the inventory long ago. They don’t know that he knew they did that, but he never mentioned it because he truly couldn’t really blame them for being cautious. TK from just a few years ago would have jumped at the chance. 

He’s pulled from his spiralling thoughts by Carlos speaking again.

“I don’t mean that I think you’re going to relapse.” He emphasizes. “But I don’t want you anxious about the possibility of relapsing, or about the idea of someone else thinking you might relapse. And that would be on top of being anxious about me and my health in general, and I just really don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Oh.” TK says, at a loss for any other words. Carlos isn’t revealing that he’s been secretly waiting for him to relapse, he’s just looking out for TK’s mental health. Like he always is. Even when he’s the one in the hospital bed, Carlos is taking care of him. TK feels terrible for doubting his boyfriend’s faith in him, and for not being nearly as consistent in taking care of him. He knows that if Carlos could hear his thoughts right now, he would tell him he’s wrong, and that he is good at taking care of him, but it doesn’t get rid of the intrusive thoughts.

Carlos also has a point in his reasoning for refusing the drugs. If there’s opioids in their home, TK is confident he won’t relapse, but he worries about whether he'd be able to focus on anything besides not relapsing. Truly, being an addict never seems to become any less of a constant battle against his own brain.

“Maybe you should go stay with your parents?” TK finally suggests. Carlos raises his eyebrows at him.

“I just had major abdominal surgery and you’ve decided to kick me out? Is this really the last straw? Should I have kicked you out two hospital trips ago?” He says, somehow still able to tease TK despite looking half-asleep again.

“I’m not kicking you out!” TK admonishes him. “But if you stay there, you’ll have someone to take care of you, and you can have the more powerful medication. I won’t have to be anywhere near it.”

“I don’t want to be away from you, either. That’s not the solution. You’ll drive yourself nuts worrying all alone, and I’ll spend the whole time worrying about you and it’ll drive my parents nuts. I’ll be fine at home with you and no pain medication, TK. I can handle it.”

“Baby,” TK says, trying to replicate that forceful yet kind voice Carlos gives him whenever he’s been stubborn about his own injury recovery in the past. “You really can’t. It’s going to take you forever to heal if you’re this uncomfortable.”

Carlos looks like he’s going to object again, but he shifts a bit before speaking, and is immediately interrupted by a gasp of pain. TK just strokes his hair gently as he breathes through it. 

“Fine.” He finally grits out. “I’ll give it a shot” 

“Thank you, baby.” TK says. “I promise we’ll work something out.”

“Call my parents, ask if they can come back tonight to discuss it.” Carlos tells him. “We need a plan as soon as possible, or I’m going to lose my mind.” TK leans over to press a kiss to his forehead, cupping his still too-warm cheek, and then pulls back to speak.

“Always such a control freak.” He whispers. “I’ll go call them right now, but you should try to sleep some more.” Carlos doesn’t even try to fight it this time, just giving him a tiny smile before closing his eyes and trying to relax into the pillows. TK stays for a few minutes, stroking his hair to try and help him fall asleep, and then he creeps out of the room to let the doctor know of Carlos’ decision and call the Reyes’.

- - -

Once Carlos’ parents finally arrive after making the forty-five minute drive from their ranch to downtown, they find TK hiding in the hall outside of Carlos’ room, on the brink of a panic attack.

“TK!” Andrea Reyes exclaims, rushing to his side. “Has something happened?”

TK tries to wave her off, but not much can stop Carlos’ mom when she’s in mom-mode, so he’s helped to a nearby chair to sit down while he tries to catch his breath. He sees Gabriel glance into Carlos’ room, but he remains in the hall with them.

“Carlos is fine.” TK finally gasps out, concentrating on giving them the important information before he gets to the explanation for why he asked them to come down here at almost eight in the evening. And why he’s on the brink of a panic attack in the hallway, instead of in the hospital room with their injured son.

“Breathe, mi amor.” Andrea soothes him. TK takes a few more measured breaths, and then finally feels at least stable enough to explain.

“Um, well, medically speaking he’s fine. He was still in a lot of pain, so the doctor recommended switching him from NSAIDs to opioids.” Immediately, TK notices Andrea and Gabriel sharing a glance. They’d been somewhat recently brought up to speed on TK’s past, and while they were completely supportive, he was aware that the topic was still very new to them. “He didn’t want to do it at first, but he isn’t going to heal without some pain medication, so I had to convince him. Eventually he agreed, but he knows how anxious I’ll get if it’s just the two of us alone at our place, which will make him nervous. So, he wanted you guys to help us make a plan that would work best for everyone, which is why I asked you to come down here.”

“Okay…”

“But while we were waiting for you, they gave him the first dose. And so he woke up and he’s not in pain anymore, and it’s great! But the reason he’s not in pain is because–because he’s–” TK has to stop and take a few more deep breaths before he can continue. “He’s high. Like really high.” Carlos’ parents still haven’t said anything, but Andrea is still rubbing his back, and it gives him the courage to continue.

“And all I could think about was how good being high felt, and about the possibility of Carlos getting hooked on them because of that and how weird he was acting and how he j–he just wasn’t my Carlos anymore!” TK exclaims. The deep breaths are no longer doing much to help, and he’s quickly working his way back up to a panic attack. “And I can’t believe I did that for so long! To myself and my parents! I just–I had to leave the room.”

“Sweetheart–” Andrea starts, but TK has another thought before she can continue and it makes him shoot out of his chair.

“I left him all alone during his first high!” He exclaims. “How could I do that?! He’s probably so freaked out and confused and–” Before he can spiral even more, Gabriel grabs him by the shoulders and spins him towards Carlos’ hospital room, where TK can now see his boyfriend is deeply asleep.

“He’s fine, son.” He says. “If he was half-asleep and high when you ran out, I’m sure he won’t even remember it.” TK stumbles forward into the doorway of the room and stares at his boyfriend, trying to reassure his brain that he’s okay and push his anxiety back down to a manageable level.

“By the way,” Gabriel says, from right behind him. “It’s not his first time being high.” That makes TK spin around again, quick enough that he almost topples over and has to catch himself on the door frame.

“What?!”

“He’s had painkillers before, when he broke his leg getting bucked off one of our horses when he was thirteen.” Gabriel explains. “And we caught him smoking weed with his cousins when he was in high school. He was so worried about what we’d do that he burst into tears on the spot. We did make him muck out the barn all by himself for a week, but it was nothing compared to things we’ve caught his sisters doing, so that was the extent of it. But, he never smoked again…or at least, he never let himself get caught.”

TK legitimately does not know how to respond to all of the information he was just told. He’s aware he’s just staring at Gabriel with his mouth hanging open like an idiot, but he can’t make himself stop. The first time his mom caught him high (at that point, he was also just smoking weed), she yelled at him for thirty minutes before hugging him for thirty more. He’d been grounded for two weeks and when he went to his dad’s place he’d tried to act way too “cool” about it and freaked TK out even more. All in all, it’d been a very confusing experience that he hadn’t been eager to repeat. Unfortunately, that led to TK becoming very good at hiding his drug use, which ended up being a lot more extensive than just weed, from his parents for a very long time.

“Dad?” Comes a groggy voice from inside the hospital room, yanking TK out of his thoughts. The story from Gabriel was completely baffling, but he notes that at least it seems to have distracted TK enough to pull him from the brink of his panic attack.

Andrea stands from her chair and heads into her son's room, followed immediately by Gabriel. TK remains in the doorway to give them a minute with their son.

“Oh no.” Carlos groans, shaking his head clumsily.

“What's wrong, mijo?” Andrea asks, grabbing her son's hand. TK instinctively moves closer to his boyfriend's bed as well, worried he might somehow still be in pain.

“I’m high! And you’re here .” Carlos mumbles. “I was doing so well at not letting you guys see me high.” The genuine despair in his voice makes TK snort with laughter, and then he does it again at the betrayed look Carlos gives him. He also makes a mental note to ask Carlos about his experience with drugs, because from the looks on his parents' faces right now, they seriously believed he hadn’t been high since they caught him a decade or so ago.

They’ve been dating for almost three years at this point, and TK wants to wonder how the topic has never come up, but he knows that there’s an obvious explanation. He’s secure in his sobriety, has no problems working with drugs or hanging out with his friends while they drink, but he does tend to avoid conversations about recreational drug use whenever possible. He’s too worried about thinking about his own experiences and spiraling from there, just as he had earlier when Carlos had first woken up high. He talks about those things in therapy and at meetings, but he’s able to prepare himself for those situations, and he trusts the people he’s with to understand. Not that he thinks Carlos wouldn’t be completely supportive, he knows he would do his very best, but the idea still feels intimidating.

“It’s fine, son.” Gabriel tells Carlos. “The drugs are just to manage your pain after surgery, we know that.”

“Surgery?”

“Yes, you had your appendix out, mi amor.” Andrea tells him.

“Oh, right.” Carlos mumbles. “My stomach hurt and TK made me go to–TK? Where’s TK? Is he okay?” TK closes the rest of the distance to his boyfriend’s side, picking up his free hand and squeezing it.

“I’m right here, baby, I’m fine.” He tells Carlos. “I was just over there.”

“Hi.” Carlos sighs. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” TK assures him.

“You’re so pretty. Your eyes are so green and so trusting and you always look at me like what I’m saying is the most important thing in the world, even when I’m just rambling about what happened in the book I’m reading or something. And then you ask me questions like you actually care and then when you eventually get bored of that you start kissing my neck and then–” TK gently, but quickly, places his hand over Carlos’ mouth and stops that train of thought in its tracks.

“We’ll talk about that later, baby.” He says. “Remember, we need to make plans for when you’re discharged. That’s why your parents are here.” He removes his hand from Carlos’ mouth, and his boyfriend follows the movement with fuzzy eyes. “Although, I’m not sure how much help you’ll be now.” 

“You’re so pretty.” Carlos repeats.

“Thank you, but please just go back to sleep.” TK says.

“Okay.” Carlos agrees, immediately closing his eyes and settling in.

TK takes another deep breath before turning to look at Carlos’ parents. Gabriel looks like he’s trying not to laugh, and Andrea like she’s about to cry. TK desperately hopes it’s because she can see how much he loves her son, and not because her son nearly spilled all kinds of details about how TK distracts Carlos when he’s bored.

“I’m sorry about that.” TK says. “He’s going to be so embarrassed when he’s sober.”

“It’s fine, TK.” Andrea assures him. “Hopefully, he won’t even remember it. You’ll just have to live with the embarrassment for both of you.” TK just groans in response, dropping his head onto the mattress next to Carlos.

“What kind of arrangement do you have in mind for when they send him home?” Gabriel asks, steering the conversation back on track. TK pulls his head off the bed and sits back in his chair.

“I suggested he just go stay with you and remove the ‘me’ factor from the equation entirely.” TK explains. “But he said all those things about how I’d just be worried about him and he’d be worried about me being worried about him, and that wouldn’t be good for anybody. But, we still can’t stay alone at our place because then, I’ll be too focused on the fact that there are pills in my house. And we don’t exactly have room for someone to stay at our place, so basically I’m going to be very rude right now, and invite myself to stay in your house. Just for a week or so!”

He’s breathing heavily by the end of his rambling explanation, and Carlos’ parents just stare at him for a moment, soft smiles on their faces. Then, Andrea reaches out to take his free hand in hers.

“TK, mijo, you are going to marry my son.” 

TK practically chokes on his own tongue. He and Carlos have discussed getting engaged, agreed that it’s something they both want, but other plans have been made yet. Well, actually that’s sort of a lie, because TK already bought a ring. It’s currently hiding in the back of his nightstand drawer, because it’s such a mess that Carlos refuses to go anywhere near it, but he doesn’t have plans to actually put it to use. At least, not anytime soon.

Probably.

And okay, he’s maybe a little suspicious that Carlos is also hiding something. There was a Saturday a few weeks ago, when they both had the day off, and Carlos had still insisted that he needed to go to the precinct for just a couple hours. To catch up on paperwork, he’d claimed. As if he wasn’t the most organized cop in the entire department. 

Conveniently, TK’s dad and Nancy had both also been busy in that same time frame. And also had pretty terrible excuses for why they couldn’t hang out. 

Unfortunately for TK, who can admit he would likely snoop if given the opportunity, his stupid, adorable, police officer boyfriend has a gun safe that TK (quite reasonably) does not know the combination to.

In any case, despite any rings that may or may not have been purchased, TK is still at a loss for words about how to respond to Andrea. She continues on though, thankfully ignoring what he’s sure was a very interesting series of facial expressions he just displayed.

“Honey, I just mean to say that you’re welcome to our house anytime.” She tells him. “With Carlos, without Carlos, whenever you need us. We’ll always be there for you, because we’re your family now, no matter what.”

Tears are pouring out of TK’s eyes before he can even attempt to stop, or to hide them, and an ugly sob bursts out of his chest. It’s been not even a year since his mom died, and while he’s reached a point of acceptance, sometimes grief still just hits you out of nowhere. And ever since it happened, Andrea has been there for him. 

She’s never tried to replace his mom, but every time he’s just needed a little bit of “mom” in his life, she appears as if summoned. When he’d got sick while Carlos was out of town, she’d shown up with homemade soup. When he’d torn a hole in his favourite hoodie, she’d helped him sew it up. She gave him a hug every time they saw each other, called him pet names, and teased him lovingly, all the things she did with her own children.

And now, hearing her say that they would always be his family, no matter what, he couldn’t stop the emotions pouring out of him. Parental figures in his life had never been simple. His parents divorce, and both of their tendencies towards workaholism in his teenage years meant he’d sometimes felt forgotten or unnoticed. Enzo was there, but he never quite felt really permanent until Jonah was born. His dad’s second wife had barely even acknowledged TK’s existence, too focused on trying to achieve all her Manhattan socialite dreams and dragging his dad along for the ride. 

And then he’d almost lost his dad to cancer. And then he had lost his mom.

Having Andrea and Gabriel consider him one of their own when he isn’t even engaged to their son, tears a hole in his chest he doesn’t know how to cope with.

He feels warm arms wrap around him gently as he’s still struggling to breathe, and then his head is tucked into Andrea’s neck. She strokes his back and starts singing quietly to him, a familiar song, one TK has heard Carlos sing to Charlie and Jonah while rocking them to sleep. Still holding onto Carlos with one hand, TK wraps his other arm around her and squeezes back tightly. They stay like that until he feels more composed.

“Sorry.” He croaks when he finally pulls away. “I just–sometimes I–my mom.”

“You don’t have to explain, TK.” Andrea assures him. She gives him one more squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before moving back around the bed to Gabriel’s side.

“So, you and Carlos will come stay with us.” Gabriel says, his tone definitive. “You can be together, so neither of you will worry, and then we can take on the burden of managing the pain medication.”

“Are you sure?” TK asks, and both of them give him a look that makes him immediately regret questioning their hospitality. “Ok, nevermind, you’re sure.”

“Has the doctor mentioned when they’ll send him home?” Andrea asks.

“He said they’ll monitor how the morphine works tonight and tomorrow, and then hopefully send him home the next morning after that.” 

“Perfect!” She exclaims. “We have time to get everything set up at ours, and I can stay with Carlos tomorrow, so you can go home and pack up everything you’ll need from there.” 

She shoos Gabriel towards the door, gives Carlos a kiss on the forehead and comes around the bed to give TK one more hug.

“Thanks, Mrs–” He gets another look. “Thanks, Andrea.”

“No problem, honey. We’ll see you tomorrow.” She says, walking over to her husband and taking his hand. “Come now, I’ve got to wash the sheets on the guest bed.”

“Nobody has slept in it since you washed them last time.” Gabriel tells her. “Bye, TK!” He adds.

“Bye!” He responds, watching Carlos’ parents leave while still bickering fondly.

“It doesn’t matter, that was months ago, those sheets are stale.” He hears Andrea say. “My boys deserve clean sheets.”

- - -

The next thirty-six hours TK spends in the hospital with Carlos are much easier than the first twenty-four. Carlos is still insistent on telling everyone how pretty TK is at every chance he gets, but he seems to be adjusting somewhat to the drugs. TK, on the other hand, still feels like having a panic attack every time he thinks too hard about the situation, and all the worst case scenarios that could happen. He’s already booked an emergency therapy appointment for later this week, after Carlos is settled in with his parents, and he plans to go to a meeting right after. For now, he tries just to focus on getting Carlos home, as Dr. Williams had kept his promise to discharge him that morning.

Andrea is down in the hospital pharmacy filling Carlos’ prescriptions, while Gabriel brings the truck around and TK helps Carlos get dressed. Unfortunately for TK, a nurse had given Carlos his first dose of oxycodone just a few minutes ago in order to keep him comfortable on the drive home. Which means his boyfriend is much more interested in getting his hands on TK as much as possible than he is in putting on clothes.

“Baby, please, work with me here.” TK says. He’s trying to put Carlos’ shoes on, but his boyfriend is distracted running his fingers through TK’s hair over and over, and so is also refusing to hold his feet still. TK eventually resorts to unlacing the shoes almost completely, so they require almost no force to put on, and then tightening the laces again once on Carlos’ feet. He finishes up just as Andrea re-enters with the prescription and a nurse pushing a wheelchair.

“Ready to go?” Carlos’ mom asks. TK nods, already exhausted by this whole process, and looking forward to not being in a hospital room any longer. He helps Carlos into the wheelchair as the nurse holds it steady, thankful that a combination of painkillers, practice walks down the halls and Carlos wanting to touch him makes it an easy transition. Then he grabs the duffle bag of stuff they’ve accumulated at the hospital, and follows the nurse and Carlos out of the room, Andrea walking next to him.

Carlos’ eyelids are drooping slightly as they make their way through the hospital, and TK is hopeful it means he’ll sleep the whole drive home. Carlos seems to have two kinds of high: very sleepy, or extremely chatty. TK has spent an exhausting last day and half making sure Carlos didn’t say anything too embarrassing, and making sure no one visiting filmed him rambling one about TK’s eyes. (He has video, but it’s just to tease Carlos about later. It’s not that he thinks any of their friends would purposefully put it online, it’s just that Judd is really terrible at using Instagram.)

They get Carlos into the truck with minimal fuss and, as predicted, he falls asleep on TK’s shoulder within five minutes. Gabriel and Andrea are chatting quietly in the front seat, and so TK just sits silently, playing with Carlos’ fingers and trying to shake off the last of the anxiety that spending time in the hospital had given him.

He hates being in the hospital himself, despite all the jokes he gets every time he ends up there again , but he really hates when his loved ones are in the hospital. Even when he knows they’ll be okay, and that reasonably, they’re in the safest place they could be, it still feels like an unsafe place. His therapist says it’s just another thing on the long list that is: Everything That Has Traumatized TK Strand . His therapist also has a much more professional and fancy name for that list, but he’s quite partial to his. Sadly, Carlos had rejected his idea of writing it out and putting it on their fridge like a grocery list, even though TK thought it was a hilarious idea.

By the time they make it to the ranch, TK feels like the pit in his stomach has mostly disappeared, and the only feeling he’s left with now is exhaustion. It takes both him and Gabriel a good amount of effort to get half-asleep Carlos out of the car and into the house though, so the nap will have to wait until they can get him settled. If it was TK injured (again), Carlos would definitely just ignore all his protests and carry him in, but unfortunately his boyfriend is made of muscle and TK can’t quite manage it in return. It’s not for lack of trying, but all the ‘experiments' he and Carlos have done have just ended with them tangled together on the floor laughing, instead of in their bedroom, which is usually the goal. 

The current situation couldn’t be any less sexy though, so TK just shoves those thoughts out of his head and helps Carlos’ dad deposit the man in question on the bed. They’re in the guest room this time, instead of Carlos’ childhood bedroom, because a) it’s bigger, with a queen sized bed instead of a twin and b) it’s on the first floor, with no stairs for Carlos to deal with. Gabriel leaves and TK get’s Carlos out of his shoes and hoodie, checking one more time to make the bandages over his incision. Bandages secure, he helps him lay down as Andrea enters the room.

“Gabriel’s gone to get your bags from the truck, and I’ve brought water for both of you.” She tells him, placing two glasses on the nightstand. She starts moving around the room, drawing the curtains and turning out the overhead light. 

“I’ll make dinner around five, probably just some soup. I know the doctor said he can eat his normal diet, but we’ll still start with something comforting and easy.” She brushes past TK to tuck Carlos in, pulling the covers up to his chin and kissing him on the forehead. It looks to TK like he’s already fallen asleep again. 

“You know where the bathroom is, I’ve put plenty of towels in there if you want to take a shower when you wake up.” Andrea starts guiding TK around to the other side of the bed, pushing him to sit. “If you need anything, just call. I’ll hear you.”

“I don’t need a nap, I’m fine.” TK protests, even though it’s an utter lie. “I can help–”

“Shush, you.” Andrea cuts him off. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, my dear, but you look like you haven’t slept since you brought my son to the hospital three days ago.” TK winces slightly, because she’s not far off. Nothing about the situation or the surroundings had exactly been conducive to getting a good night's rest.

“Ok.” TK agrees, and lets Andrea give him a forehead kiss of his own and before she heads for the door. She holds it open for Gabriel, who enters and places their bags on the floor at the foot of the bed. Then they both leave, closing the door behind them.

TK sits on the edge of the bed for a few minutes just so he can gather the energy to take his shoes off. He finally does, and finds more energy to use the bathroom and splash some water on his face. And then finally he peels himself out of the clothes that he’s been wearing for who knows how long at this point, and pulls on the hoodie that he helped Carlos take off just a few minutes earlier. It’s still a little warm and it smells like Carlos instead of a hospital, and TK wants to burrow into it and hide forever.

Instead, he crawls into the bed, tucking himself under the covers and burying his head in the soft pillow. He wants to touch Carlos badly , but he’s scared of hurting him, so he settles for just pressing his foot against his leg and soaking up just a bit of the warmth Carlos always gives off.

For a moment, he feels like he won’t be able to fall asleep, despite his exhaustion. He’s too aware of the sunlight peeking around the windows and the sound of Carlos’ parents going through their daily routine outside this bedroom. But in the end, the need for sleep wins, and he falls asleep in the middle of counting heartbeats.

- - -

TK sleeps for seventeen hours straight. 

Well, sort of.

He woke up at one point to use the bathroom and drink some water, but the only reason he knows that is because Andrea saw him and later told him. He has no memory of it at all. He apparently also slept through Andrea bringing them dinner, Gabriel bringing Carlos his medicine and basically everything else that's happened since they came home from the hospital. Thank god Carlos didn’t wake up and need anything in the night, because he would’ve been useless to help.

TK is sitting at the kitchen table now, watching Andrea make oatmeal for everyone. Once again, he’d offered to help, but Carlos’ mom refuses to let him lift a finger.

“You know I didn’t major abdominal surgery, right?” He teases. “That’s the other one? Loafing around in your guest room? He’s tall, muscular and hates when people rearrange his spice cabinet?” 

“Clearly, a good night’s sleep was enough to bring your sass back in full force.” Andrea says, turning off the stove. She gestures to the tray on the counter that she’s already loaded up with food. “Grab that, we’ll go wake up my son. It’s time for his pills and Gabriel should be back in any minute to grab them.”

TK follows her instructions, carrying the food into the guest room and setting it down on the bed gently, before climbing up next to it. Andrea shakes Carlos awake, his boyfriend groaning as he returns to consciousness.

“Ow.” He says, face scrunching up.

“Just relax, Carlitos.” Andrea says. “Your father will be right in with your pills for you to take.”

“I’d rather not.” Carlos says, sounding mostly coherent. The difference between high Carlos and sober Carlos continues to astound TK, because they tend to feel like two different people. He just wants his regular, loving, amazingly sweet Carlos back all the time. “They make me all foggy, and they make TK uncomfortable.” 

TK freezes. He had no idea his feelings were that obvious. Even his drugged-up, recovering from surgery boyfriend noticed, and it makes guilt course through his body.

“I’m sorry,” He starts to say. “I can go–” Carlos grabs his wrist before he can even make it to the edge of the bed.

“You’re not going anywhere, I’d much rather the painkillers go than you.” TK stops trying to leave, but now he feels like he can’t relax either.

“The doctor said one more day on the strong stuff.” Andrea tells her son, as Gabriel enters the room and hands her his pills, both the painkillers and some antibiotics. “And then we lower the dose, and then you can switch to the over-the-counter stuff. But for now, eat your breakfast and take your pills, no more arguing. You need them to heal.” She sets the pills in question down on Carlos’ nightstand before leaving the room, and TK hates even looking at them. They somehow simultaneously remind him of all the bad things in his life, and a bunch of things that seem good, but he knows that’s just because he remembers them through a haze of drugs.

Instead of spiralling, he tries to focus on what he does have now by helping Carlos sit up in bed and handing him his oatmeal, which is covered in fruit and honey. After, he grabs his own, and tries not to visibly show how his heart bursts with joy when he realizes that Andrea also remembered how he likes his, smothered in syrup and sugar.

They eat in silence, and Carlos takes his pills. Andrea reappears to whisk their dishes away as soon as they finish, because apparently she has magic powers, and then TK doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore. He feels like he’s just sitting here, waiting for the pills to kick in and for his boyfriend to get high. Then he’ll just have to spend the next few hours trying to hide how panicked he feels. And apparently failing.

“Did you bring my laptop?” Carlos asks, breaking the silence and startling TK out of his doom spiral.

“Um, yea.” TK says, crawling over to the end of the bed and leaning down to pull it from one of the bags. He sits back up and tries to hand the laptop to Carlos, but his boyfriend doesn’t reach for it.

“Put on a movie or something, we’ll cuddle and can hopefully distract ourselves from my impending inebriation.” 

TK still feels a little apprehensive, but does as he’s told, opening up the laptop and then waiting for it to turn on. He tries to make Carlos pick out something to watch, but his boyfriend stubbornly insists that he pick, so eventually TK settles on some random 00’s rom-com they’ve never watched.

He scoots up next to Carlos, pressing their shoulders together and balancing the laptop on their legs. Carlos just rolls his eyes at him.

“What are we? Teenagers on a first date? I said I wanted to cuddle, like we normally do.” Carlos drags the laptop onto his lap and shimmies carefully into a more reclined position. It’s an extremely tempting offer, but how they normally cuddle usually ends up with TK laying almost fully on top of Carlos’ chest, and that seems ill-advised given the hole that’s currently in his abdomen.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” TK protests weakly. Carlos rolls his eyes again , and TK is amazed at the amount of sass this man can give, despite being in pain and on drugs.

Okay, well then you just can’t go full koala bear like you usually do.” Carlos teases. TK sticks his tongue out at him. “But you can still put your head on my shoulder, just keep your arm away from the bandages.”

They stare at each other for a few long moments, TK trying to think of a valid reason he shouldn’t do this despite every cell in his body desperately wanting to. Eventually, he sighs and scoots down the bed a little to tuck himself under Carlos’ arm. 

“Very dramatic.” Carlos teases, and TK pinches his side in retaliation. “Ow, no injuring the injured!” 

When they’re both comfortable, TK reaches out to hit play on the laptop, and settles against Carlos’ chest as some cheesy pop song starts playing.

He zones out almost immediately, distracted by the sound of Carlos’ heart beating right under his ear. Carlos is here, he will be okay, and soon they’ll be able to return to their completely opioid-free home, and relax in their own bed without TK having to worry about hurting Carlos.

TK’s not sure when tears start leaking from his eyes, but he notices them when Carlos reaches around to brush them away.

“Are you alright?” Carlos asks. He leans down to press a kiss to the top of TK’s head. TK nods against his chest.

“Yea.” He whispers. “I just missed you.”

“You were with me the whole time.”

“I know. It just didn't always feel like you. And I didn’t always feel like me.” TK tells him.

“Well, in that case, I missed you too.” Carlos says. “And I will do my best to never let you miss me like that again. You’re going to be stuck with me forever.” 

TK smiles, pressing his cheek harder against Carlos’ chest to hear his heartbeat even clearer.

Forever doesn’t sound too bad.

- - -

One month later, both of their hidden rings stop being so hidden. 

They both have the weekend off for the first time since Carlos went back to work, and TK has plans to take him out to the ranch for a picnic. The Reyes’ have a gorgeous pond on their property, and the first time Carlos had taken TK to it he’d stopped short in the middle of saying “I always thought it was a perfect place to–”. TK was fairly certain he knew where that sentence was headed. Hopefully Carlos also thinks it’s a perfect place to be proposed to .

Except Carlos beats him to it. 

Perfect, gorgeous, wonderful Carlos, who somehow always manages to be one step ahead of him, beats him to it. 

And he wasn’t even planning to.

They’re making dinner in the loft. Well, Carlos is making dinner and TK is half following his instructions to help, half trying to distract him as much as possible. He’s finished chopping up all the vegetables, so he’s decided to attach himself to Carlos’ back like an octopus and make him drag him along every time he moves around the kitchen.

“TK, babe.” Carlos whines. “I’m trying to do something here.”

“I know.” TK says.

“So why are you clinging to me and slowing our dinner down?”

“Because I love you.”

“Yes, I love you too, but why–” Carlos tries to say.

“I love you because you make dinner for us. Because you make me help but you don’t make me touch the raw meat because it freaks me out, even though you don’t understand how that’s possible when I deal with blood and guts for a living. I love you because you always know where my house keys are, despite the fact that I seem to put them in a different spot every time I come home. I love you because every time we’re on a call together, you make sure I’m okay and you make sure I know you’re okay. I love you because even when you were recovering from surgery, you were worried about me. And you were willing to go through all kinds of pain just so we didn’t have to be apart, even though that was a really stupid idea. I love you because you bought us this loft to give me a home, and I love you because you are my home.” TK rambles on, squeezing Carlos around the waist and not noticing how still his boyfriend has become. “Oh and you’re super hot.”

It’s silent in the loft after that, and TK realizes that he may have gotten a bit carried away with the sap. It’s the night before the proposal after all, he should’ve saved it. Now they’re both just standing here as their food sizzles away on the stove, and TK has no idea what to do or say next. Luckily, his boyfriend’s brain seems to reboot faster.

“Marry me?” Carlos whispers. 

This time it’s TK who freezes completely.

“What?!” He blurts. Carlos lowers the heat on the stove before turning around in TK’s arms and wrapping his arms around his neck. His fingers thread in the hair at the nape of his neck and tilt his head back just enough for them to make eye contact.

“TK Strand, will you marry me?” Carlos repeats.

“I–I had a plan.” TK stutters.

“I know, you’re not nearly as sneaky as you think when you’re excited about something.”

“We were going to go to the pond…”

“I can un-propose if you want–”

“No!” TK shouts. “No! I want to marry you! So yes! Yes, I’m saying yes!”

Carlos smiles wider than TK has ever seen him smile before, and kisses him. It’s a perfect kiss. They’ve kissed thousands of times by this point, but somehow this one, in the middle of their kitchen with their dinner probably burning on the stove, is the absolute most perfect one. It’s warm and soft and feels like it’s got every ounce of love in their bodies poured into it. TK wants this kiss, and this moment, to last forever.

However, they eventually both pull away for air. It means TK gets to see that gorgeous smile on Carlos’ face again though, so he can’t be too disappointed.

“Can I have my ring?” TK asks, impatience eventually winning out over savouring the moment.

“How do you know I bought you a ring?” Carlos teases, but he’s already pulling away and heading towards their bedroom.

“You’re not as sneaky as you think you are either!” TK calls after him. He can hear the beep of buttons on the gun safe, so he knows he was correct in his assumption of Carlos’ hiding place.

“Don’t let our dinner burn!”

TK stirs the food around a bit, but he’s too distracted to really concentrate on it. Thankfully, Carlos comes back quickly, clutching a small velvet box in one hand.

“Are you going to make me get down on one knee?” He asks.

“Nope. Gimme.” TK says, holding out his hand and wiggling his fingers excitedly.

“Demanding.” Carlos mumbles, but he opens the box anyways. From it, he pulls the most gorgeous ring TK has ever seen. It’s smooth, matte and black on the outside, but the inside is gleaming silver. “Always so demanding.”

“You love it.” TK whispers, hardly able to speak as his boyfriend–no, his fiancé slides the ring onto his finger. He just stares at it for a moment, and then he flings his arms around Carlos again and hugs him as tight as he can.

‘Yes, your demanding nature is definitely the top of my “Reasons I Love TK Strand” list.” Carlos whispers in his ear.

“Can I hear that list sometime?”

“Maybe I’ll tell you when you propose to me tomorrow.” TK pulls away to look at him in confusion. “Don’t look at me like that, I still want my proposal. Just because I jumped the gun doesn’t mean you’re getting out of it. You already have the ring and the plan, so I’m expecting the whole thing.”

“How do you know I have a ring?” TK asks.

“You’ve been incredibly squirrely every time I go anywhere near your disaster of a nightstand.” Carlos explains. TK pouts at him and tries to wiggle out of his embrace.

“Well, not all of us have a gun safe for all our super secret things.” He says. Carlos laughs and drags him back into another hug.

“It’s fine, babe.” Carlos says. “I never looked. I wanted to wait, let you take the lead when you were ready for that step, but your speech earlier really got to me. I couldn’t think of anything else to say at the moment, ‘Marry me?’ seemed like the only possible response.”

“It was perfect.” TK mumbles into his shoulder. “And I’ll make sure your proposal tomorrow is just as perfect.”

“It will be,” Carlos says, his voice sounding a little watery. “Every moment I spend with you is perfect.” Tears well up in TK’s eyes and he squeezes Carlos even tighter.

“I love you so much.”

“I know, you gave me a whole speech about it.”

“Hey!”

“I’m kidding, I love you too.” Carlos tells him. “I’ll love you forever.”

“I’ll love you even longer than forever.” TK responds.

“Why are you so competitive?”

“Our dinner is burning.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Carlos says. “We figure everything out.”