Work Text:
Dave was always the first to notice when a case or event bothered Hotch but he knew better than to address it until they were in the safety of Aaron’s office with a glass of scotch in each one’s hands. But there were times Dave couldn’t read the man he considered his son. Those times were when Aaron’s sadness took over and though Rossi knew that’s what being unable to read the man meant, he couldn’t read how to help. Sometimes Aaron would need comfort, other times he needed to be left alone to deal with how he felt but when all Aaron could feel was sadness, Dave didn’t know which was which. This left him to prompt Aaron to talk if he wanted, and more often than not, Aaron wouldn’t allow himself to speak. He wouldn’t burden the man who had seen the most to pick up the pieces of a broken man. And in those times, Dave couldn’t find words to say. He couldn’t help.
Derek often read Hotch’s sadness as anger. Because Aaron would be silent, firmer than usual, and with eyes you couldn’t find the light in. The chocolate brown would become almost black, giving them the appearance of a frustrated man, not a hopeless one. In the moments Derek recognized his boss’ sadness, he knew it wasn’t a good idea to talk to him directly because Aaron would shut him out. So instead, Derek took on as much as he could. He’d do some of Hotch’s paperwork, he’d help Dave keep Strauss away from Aaron to relieve him of the extra stress, he would help JJ pick cases, and he would make sure Spencer was eating enough. This was all he could do to help the man he looked up to so much.
Penelope is always bubbly. This is something Aaron knows and always tries to make sure she can continue to be. So when Penelope notices he’s far away from the conversation, she knows what to do. She brings him coffee, candy, and small things for Jack. Things that can keep Aaron from falling apart. She smiles at him even when he can’t smile back. Penelope makes sure he knows she appreciates him and sees he’s cared about by the team. It’s the softer “goodbye”s and the chirpier “hello”s when it’s just the two of them talking. She sheds quiet tears in her lair for him because she knows he can’t and it helps her remind herself that she can help. Because she so desperately wants to help him and she does it in ways that don’t require them to talk when it’s not about a case. Much like Derek, she finds his sadness closer to anger because he can’t allow himself to hurt. She loves the team and she makes sure they all know it. Including Aaron.
Spencer struggles to believe Aaron is sad because Hotch is invincible. He always has been. The rock for the youngest on the team. The rock for them all. So when Spencer can no longer deny Aaron’s sadness, he rambles about whatever he can in an attempt to distract the man he sees as a father. Sometimes it works, sometimes Hotch’s eyes tell him he’s far away in his mind. Either way, Spencer continues to talk because if he doesn’t, the silence becomes overwhelming and scary. Spencer makes sure to eat and sleep somewhat properly to keep Aaron from having to remind him because it keeps him from worrying about Spencer. Spencer tries so desperately to make sure Hotch knows how much he is valued. He needs to make sure Aaron won’t leave like Jason, so broken down from the cases that won’t let them win that he can no longer see the happy endings and closure the cases they solve give families and friends. He refuses to lose another father figure to the job they all need so badly. So Spencer looks after himself, so Aaron can know he’s doing something right.
JJ, always the mother, can tell when something is wrong, whether Aaron is sad, angry, anxious, or lost, she finds a way to help. Aaron finds comfort in JJ’s softness. Her kind words that don’t need response or reciprocation. JJ takes Jack after school so Aaron can go home and allow himself to be vulnerable. She makes extra food on those days and insists Jack and Aaron stay for dinner, always making sure both boys eat enough. She reminds him of the good father he is and will always be. She leaves meals on his desk after long cases or office days. She goes through cases on her own so he isn’t doing more paperwork than he needs. She talks to witnesses and families when a case is too close to home for Aaron. She drives him home to make sure he does go home when he should instead of hours after the rest of them. She tells him that it will be ok, even though she knows she can’t promise him that. But she lost her sister and she knows Aaron is drowning. So she pulls him from the water.
Emily may be the only person on the team Aaron allows himself to open to unprompted. Maybe because they both saw each other at vulnerable stages of their lives. Hotch’s first assignment as an FBI agent, and Emily’s fight to survive an unhappy and constantly moving childhood. Maybe because both of them built walls they wouldn’t let the rest of the team see. Or maybe because they had both fought so hard to keep everyone safe while not allowing themselves the same treatment. Maybe it was all of these things, ma ybe none of them. He would talk, she would listen. She would keep him in check when he was harsher than he should’ve been and it was refreshing because she never did it to hurt him. She did it to stop him from hurting himself and the people he cared about more than anything. She would allow him to be harsh with her when he needed to release anger because she of all people knew why he did it. Not to hurt but to shield himself from questions and concerned looks. Perhaps Emily understood him the best because they both had the world on their shoulders. And come hell or highwater Emily would not let Aaron carry the world alone.
Erin had a soft spot for Agent Aaron Hotchner, which perhaps was the reason why she was so hard on him at times. Because she wanted him to succeed and keep the team in check. And because the pressure from the rest of the Bureau to prove the BAU was still needed was something she couldn’t do if the Unit Chief fell apart. So when she saw his sadness, often she would make him go home, whether it was suspension or forced time off it was never to harm him, though sometimes that’s what it would do. It was so he would be away from his work even if just for a couple days. He needed that time to collect himself and to allow himself to hurt. Tough love. That’s what it was. Because Aaron wore his heart on his sleeve and she couldn’t let that disappear because of the pieces the job takes. So she’s harsh with him in hopes he’ll come back stronger.
Jessica did all she could for Aaron even when he wasn’t sad. But when his sadness took over, she made sure to protect him and his son. She would pick Jack up from school and drop him off. She would tuck Jack into bed and kiss his forehead just like Haley would to help him feel safe when Aaron wasn’t home. She would remind Jack that his father was a good husband and a hero. That both could co-exist. She would cook dinner and leave extra for Aaron, and breakfast for the next morning. She would clean the house, do the laundry, and pack a fresh go bag for him so he always had one ready. She reminded Aaron that she would always be here for him and Jack. She would tell him that Haley never stopped loving him and that Jack would never stop loving him. Jessica would tell Aaron that he was her family because he had been since he was 15. Jessica lost her sister but she desperately made sure she wouldn’t lose her brother.
Jack never really understood when his father was sad because Aaron tried so hard to hide it from the purest thing he had in the world. A son didn’t need to see his father break, so Aaron refused to break. And that in itself was Jack helping. Without knowing it, Jack was Aaron’s biggest reason for fighting, for keeping himself alive, for working so he could come home to the son that loved him. Jack would understand when Aaron would be gone in the mornings and he would find Aunt Jess making him breakfast or when his dad had to leave after dinner and not come back. He understood because his dad was a superhero. His hero. Jack would tell his dad he loved him and that he was his hero because it made them both smile. Jack would understand when sometimes his father couldn’t say “I love you.” back on days where work had worn him down or on days that reminded him of Haley. He knew his father loved him and he didn’t always need to hear the words. He would hug his father and talk about his day at school, he would remind him of Haley just by his phrases and actions in a way that soothed Aaron. And he showed him that there was still good and purity in the world. He would show his father the kindness and compassion he’d learnt from both parents because even heroes need protecting.
Aaron refused to acknowledge his sadness most of the time. He often wouldn’t accept the comfort from Dave or the gentle words from JJ because to him that meant he was weak. But he truly appreciated it all and he hated himself for not being able to thank them. He loved talking with Dave regardless of the topic. He loved the way Derek fiercely protected them all and understood that all Aaron needed from him was confirmation he didn’t have to do all the work himself. He loved Penelope’s kindness and happiness directed towards him just because she cared. He loved to listen to Spencer ramble about anything and everything because it made him remember that Spencer was passionate and that Spencer could talk to him. He loved JJ’s cooking and motherly protection because it reminded him of his mother and of Haley. He loved that Emily wasn’t afraid to make him take a step back and assess his actions because it kept his feet on the ground and his head on his shoulders. He appreciated Erin’s tough love because he knew she did care for him and respect him and she trusted he could do his job. He loved Jessica’s care and attentiveness to both Hotchner boys because it reminded him he still had his family and a sister that would never stop caring for him. He loved Jack and the way he talked, smiled, and viewed the world. He looked at Jack and he had a piece of Haley, pure and kind and passionate. He had his son.
Aaron would never let himself drown because he needed his family and his family needed him. So no matter how hard things were, he would keep his head above the waves.