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Levi is afraid of many things. Though it doesn’t always show on his nonchalant, dark-blue eyes that could trap anyone’s gaze if he wanted to, Levi was a snowball rolling down a snowy hill. Every passing second, minute, day, month, and year, the snowball gets bigger and bigger, and god forbid Levi could do anything about it. Deep down, there was a warmth he yearned to feel—a warmth to thaw the snowball that desperately rolled down the slope, not even to completely melt it.
It was art that he projected these fears onto. It was something about the stroke of a brush or the blinking cursor right before he typed all his feelings away that comforted him like warmth. When Kuchel first found out Levi wanted to pursue the arts, she never doubted him for a second. She went out early in the morning to buy more supplies for him, bought books with sketchy titles (that sounded like it could help him), and framed his paintings on the walls of their plain, old corridor. You were always such a brave boy, my dear, she said days before Levi passed his university.
“What does Isabel take?” Kuchel beams at her son in all-black apparel—black shirt, black ripped jeans, black shoes, you name it.
“Linguistics.” Levi says promptly, his feet halted before the door. “It fits her, doesn’t it, mama? She babbles like it’s the end of the world.”
“Oh dear,” Kuchel giggles, pats her hands on her apron and gently pushes Levi forward as if in sarcastic protest, “I’d love to stay and chat but it’s only your second week of college.” Levi groans.
It sometimes felt like it was only him and his mama in the entire world. Though he had his own dormitory at the university, Levi still chose to drive an hour away to be with her. Kuchel was all he had growing up—well, they only ever had each other. Compared to such a brave and strong-willed woman, Levi is timid, quiet, and hates initiating conversations. A 6/10, he calls himself, who gets fairly high grades considering he never negotiates for rounding up his report card like any other normal student trying to get by. All he had were his sketchbook and pencil to take out and be the one to see, and not to be the one seen.
Isabel and Furlan were the only ones who looked up to him the most, almost like a big brother, all the way from freshman highschool to now. He would tutor them even if they didn’t ask, and no one else in the world could possibly get closer to his heart than the two of them.
Isabel bounces with her pigtails, enthusiastically waving at the incoming car. “Aniki!”
“Yo!” shouts Furlan. Levi raises his shoulders to his ears as he backs the car precisely in between the lines, trying to fight back a smile looking at them hop and wave their arms.
The campus is lively with people and cramped tents and rows of pennants lined the walkway entrance towards the class buildings like a festival. Each blue tent had a tarpaulin and boards on easels introducing their clubs, and students hovered around them, pausing to receive a flyer here and there. The first week certainly wasn’t like this—the freshmen were welcomed earlier than the upperclassmen to give some time for adjustment, and now every upperclassman is trying to grasp ahold of that freshie eagerness. For the benefit of all their clubs and interests, of course, not because they truly cared about what the freshmen thought. Levi had no interest quite yet in grabbing opportunities.
“Do you think the brass band looks fun? Oh! Or the cooking club? Oh my god, there’s too many,” Isabel chirps, clinging onto Levi’s arm skipping through the crowd.
“You would be the reason for the brass band’s disbandment.” Furlan barks. “And you can’t join the cooking club when you just burnt your pancakes this morning!”
Isabel pouts as she tightens her hug around Levi’s arm, and he gives a typical exhale through the nose. “Aniki, he’s being such an idiot right now.” Furlan sticks out a tongue.
Levi swears they’re almost to the end of the plaza of students and flyers, until one of the emptier tents catches his eye: the art club. His eyes are glued to the board right across them as upperclassmen in those Bob Ross overalls and colorful pins quietly stand giving out their flyers. Inside the small, open area was like a mini gallery of abstract and scenic paintings. The space felt so inviting even from afar that it lit a lightbulb inside Levi’s head; perhaps it didn’t spark his mind in the beginning, but now, this opportunity seemed inviting. He almost decided to approach the tent when-
“YOU LOOK LIKE THE NEXT STUDENT COUNCIL SECRETARY!”
Levi feels his right ear go slightly deaf. What the hell? A bushy-haired brunette with glasses (that had fingerprint smudges you could see from the glare of the sunlight) jumps at Levi, their noses almost touching from how close they are.
“Hange, you can’t say that to everyone who passes by.”
“You might scare the freshmen off!”
“No, I’m sure of it,” Hange leans closer to Levi’s face, and Isabel pulls him back with a hiss. “This guy definitely looks like he uses his fingers well.”
“What?” says Levi.
“What a creep…” Furlan whispers under his breath.
A taller blonde boy in a neat outfit, almost so like a professor if you don’t see him up close, approaches. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes, putting a hand on Hange’s shoulder to halt them. “That was rude of my fellow. I’m Erwin Smith, vice president of the student council here at Maria University. Hange is our Treasurer.”
Levi scoffs. What a waste of our time, he thinks. Erwin immediately turns his gaze towards him, and for a while, he’s caught in this blonde boy’s eyes—the way he’s staring, yet not with an ounce of rudeness or malice, makes him feel like he knew him somewhere. Somewhere, sometime before, Levi doesn’t know.
“You should totally think about joining the student council.” someone else steps in and gives all three of them a flyer. “Actually, Erwin right here is running for president. You should try giving this big guy a chance.”
“Mike,” he protests. Levi looks up at him again.
The upperclassmen were too engrossed in their world, giving each other unsolicited praise, that they didn’t realize the three freshmen they tried to convince had left. Levi looks back over his shoulder to steal one more glance at the blondie.
--
Running candidates for student council treasurer. Secretary. External Vice President.
The host’s megaphone echoes through the gymnasium going through a list of names for each position. Candidates come and pass onto the stage, their confidence radiating across the place like sunlight. Some students below applauded and whistled their support, while some visibly turned to their seatmates to whisper something in their ears.
“Man. I don’t know any of these people.” Furlan laughs.
“I think we’re getting the chance to, soon,” Levi points towards a poster carelessly plastered onto a pole. In bright red font, it announced, Student Council Campaign Next Month!!! LIVE!!! Open to all courses and levels!
A red-haired guy with a weird haircut raises his fists in the air and shouts, “Vote for Smith! Erwin is the one we need right now!” as a cluster of other people follow his cheers suit.
Erwin. Erwin? Levi furrows his brows remembering. “The tall blondie we saw at the freshman fair a week ago?”
“Yup, Erwin Smith.” a raven-haired girl standing behind them says. She’s with two other boys who seem to be really invested in the event. “I hear he’s a very good leader.”
Isabel horribly attempts to whisper, “Am I hallucinating or does she look exactly like you? But in female form?”
“You think so?” asks Levi, completely ignoring Isabel’s comment. “What makes him so great, then?”
A blonde bowl-cut boy in glasses chimes in enthusiastically, “He’s been in the student council since he was a freshman, and he’s been running for President since last year.”
“Last year? He didn’t win?”
“Something went around that didn’t give him the best image.” the raven-haired girl shrugs, “I heard he took advantage of some students to boost his personal dreams for the school when he was still internal vice president. Erwin apparently knew they’d turn against him.”
Internal Vice President.
“He had to do it though!” the other brown-haired boy with them defends, “People just made him look like a villain. I think he’s totally cool. Erwin exposed the school dean on his dirty work.”
“Why would they hate him for that?” Levi can’t seem to let go of his curiosity.
President.
The crowds cheer the loudest and all six of them turn their attention to the stage. Erwin Smith goes up on stage along with only one other candidate. The crowd both cheer and jeer, Levi can’t tell which noise is for whom, but he stares at the tall blonde boy with his back straightened like a soldier, eyes glistening with determination. The same cluster of supporters for Erwin chants his name, while other clusters cheer for the other candidate.
We only have two options, folks! Take a good look at them and see them at the main campaign event next month!
As both of them bow towards the people and prepare to walk off stage, something is pitched from the front hoard of people at Erwin. It makes an undeniable splat! sound that renders the entire crowd to silence—it was an egg, a whole fucking egg, that hit right at Erwin’s forehead and yolk ran down his face shamelessly.
People didn’t know whether to laugh or whisper amongst themselves, so they did both. Both candidates still stood on stage and Erwin’s face remained composed. His fists were curled up and he couldn’t look at anyone.
“Erwin…” the other candidate reaches out a hand, “Let’s go-”
“I’ll see you at campaign, Nile.” he says promptly and exits the gymnasium like a deer in the night.
“How horrible…” Isabel with a hand on her chest, all six pairs of their eyes following Erwin Smith with eggshells on his hair leave the place like nothing happened.
Levi watches him until he’s out of sight. He remembers the face he made, of sheer tolerance, but also pain and maybe even regret in those eyes as they hid themselves from the crowd. It wasn’t the first time this happened.
He then turns back to see the culprit in the front cackling with his friends, mentally spits at them, and leaves.
--
The whole “Eggwin” situation circulated for at most two days. It was almost completely forgotten, and since then Levi hasn’t heard much of an apology from anyone from the student body. He tries to keep his mind off of it, it isn’t much of his business anyway, as he catches Hange, Erwin, Moblit, and some other guys walking around campus normally. Typical books in hand, walking together to classes, and it comforts Levi enough that Erwin doesn’t seem to be wholly affected by what happened.
He takes out his sketchbook and pencil from his backpack and sets them down on the ground right next to the bench he’s sat at. Levi has not approached the art club yet, staring blankly at the flyer he managed to take days ago. He flips through the pages of his sketchbook filled with messy lines, scenery, and abstract pieces that he feels too vulnerable to share with anyone. He thinks if he’ll ever be open to sharing his art with other people, much more to put it on exhibition—that’s the least the art club asks, and yet, it seems too difficult already.
“Oh, hey Levi!” Hange calls stumbling towards him. Levi panics covering up his sketchbook. “Where are your best friends? Not with you today?”
“Classes.”
“Oh, I see!” they throw themselves next to Levi on the bench, and the bench rattles. “Haha, well, I don’t have class right now either.”
“Mmhm.”
“You draw?” Hange points at the sketchbook. Levi curls up with his arms covering it, “Yeah,” he replies. “It’s for Art Appreciation class.”
“Ugh! I hate that subject. Erwin loves it so much for some reason. I guess it runs in a humanities kind of guy,” Hange throws their hands in the air incredulously, “Like, how am I supposed to sketch a still-life when things just don’t sit still? Life is supposed to be lively isn’t it? Not still?!” their shoulders brush Levi’s as his personal space continues to be invaded. Hange was, in fact, not sitting still. “Would you look at that, there he is with Mike. I better get going. Nice to see you, Levi!”
Hange, with their heavy hand, slaps Levi on the back and runs off to the open field he is facing. There did stand Erwin hugging his thick books to his chest, beaming at the hopping dog towards them. Levi could hear his laughter from this far, throaty and deep, jumping a leg up to kick Hange in their bum. He huffs a puff of air out of amusement watching them, well, watching Erwin, mostly. He can see Erwin’s sharp jawline and broad shoulders, and it’s a crime how well-dressed and nerdy he is, because he does it so well. He hates how the edges of his eyes crinkle up, probably from staying up nights to study, and how his little double-chin comes out when he’s barking laughter. All this, he watches from a distance under the sunlight.
Who are you really, Erwin Smith? What goes on in your mind?
Erwin is the starry night, and Levi is Van Gogh, desperately painting in between each brushstroke. Levi opens his sketchbook and begins to let the lead lead his fingers as he continuously looks up and down at his reference, silently wishing he’d stay. Stay still, for the love of God, Erwin Smith. Stay still.
--
“How impressive, Sir Levi Ackerman. You captured the campus’ atmosphere and distinctly made it your own. Good work.” his professor returns his sketch with a big, red “100” mark on it. “You do graphic design?”
“Not particularly.” he replies promptly.
The professor hums. Levi lets out a big sigh of air—she doesn’t know he crammed that assignment. He was too carried away with sketching the pretty blonde boy that it slipped his mind on precisely why he came to the field in the first place. Nonetheless, he didn’t regret it. He killed two birds with one stone.
Levi hadn’t realized that Erwin and he shared the same ArtApp class. Levi always sat at the very back of the lecture hall where it’s dimly lit, so he couldn’t have recognized that blonde hair situated at the very front. Considering that Erwin gets shit on by other students, he puts himself in the spotlight quite often. It’s like he’s asking to be criticized, or even crazier—he couldn't care less.
His phone rings from Furlan saying that they’re outside the building he’s at and immediately stands up to go when the bell rings. Erwin looks back over his shoulder where Levi is, stumbles to put his things in his bag and runs towards him.
“Levi Ackerman!”
Speak of the devil. Levi halts and turns to him in the hallway, if he’s in the spotlight, then I can’t be dragged along with him.
Erwin looks like he lost breath already. “Levi Ackerman. Levi, right?”
Levi nods. Oh. Oh so, he’s pretty pretty.
“To be frank, I want to walk out with you.” he smiles warmly, looking down at Levi… significantly. “Do you have any friends in this class yet?”
“Oh. Sorry, I’m going with my friends. They’re waiting for me.”
“Oh.” Erwin rubs the back of his nape, awkwardly shifting his stance, “I see, of course. I apologize. See you tomorrow, then!” He briskly walks past Levi and Levi’s left alone, stunned and confused. Hange’s right. He always seems to be everywhere yet nowhere. Though Levi doesn’t say it out loud, he hopes Erwin asks him again tomorrow.
“Another excellent work, Levi. The bird you drew looks dynamic. Realism, yet at the same time, it isn’t.” she’s returning another assignment at the back of the hall. Another big, red 100. His phone makes a sound, the bell rings, and he stands up to leave. In the hallway, he feels running footsteps behind follow, and it’s none other than the tall blondie. This time, Erwin doesn’t ask to tag along, he simply does—and he does it with the same warm smile that wrinkles his eyes.
“Great work, Levi. You improved your self-portraits. I like how you do your shading.” Phone. Bell. Door, hallway, then footsteps. Erwin walks beside him until they reach the outside of the building where Furlan and Isabel wait, talking about just anything that comes up. Today, Levi found out he’s a Law student.
“Maybe a bit of improvement is needed in your anatomy, Levi. I’m sure you’ll do well in the next one.” Phone. Bell. Door, hallway, then footsteps. Levi is a bit bummed with his score on this one, and Erwin notices this. The blondie reassures him that he’s the only person in the entire history of Art Appreciation who gets full marks like it’s normal. No one draws a penis as detailed as his. Today, Levi found out how Erwin comforts others.
“Keep it up, Levi. Excellent use of perspective.” Phone. Bell. Except this time, Levi doesn’t rush to the door, he walks towards the front of the lecture hall to Erwin. Erwin is still panicking to put his things in his bags until he turns back in surprise to see Levi, his butt rested on the table, arms crossed. “Oh, Levi,” Erwin chuckles.
“I’m saving you the possible asthma attack you get from trying to catch up to me.”
Erwin exhales out through his nose, then his shoulders relax. “How thoughtful of you, Levi.” he shakes his head with a grin, “I was wondering when you’d ever wait for me, too.”
“Listen,” Erwin listens like a dog with perked-up ears, “Furlan and Isabel can’t make it today.”
Today, Levi finds out how long Erwin’s blonde eyelashes actually are from a higher elevation. His cheekbones also make a grand appearance when he tries to hold in how amused he actually is.
Walking out, they take their time with their pace. “Hange told me you really love this class, and that they can’t get why you do.”
“Haha! Hange skips this class very often, so they can’t judge me for liking it.” Erwin rolls his eyes unmaliciously. “It’s a way for me to escape my law classes. You know, give me some creative space once in a while to just create something without conventions.”
“Art has conventions too, blondie.”
“Oh?” Erwin hums, “How do you do your art, Levi?”
“Oh, well,” Levi shrugs, shaking his head, “I don’t have to memorize all the rules. If I draw a human body, it’s only right to get the rotation of bones right to make it look more natural. Just practice.”
“Wow,” Erwin gasps, “Levi, I have heavy respect for you. I thought it was just because you’re talented… but I guess all things need practice, do they?”
“Nah. It’s not all that magical, really.”
“Oh, but it is,” Erwin protests, “You know, I thought Law was all about doing what’s right and defending the right, at that, but nothing is ever truly right. I had to defend a criminal in one of my debates.” his eyes are dragging along the floor. “Art is so free. Judgment is more subjective and appreciated. I don’t have much freedom to pick what to do. I had to become a devil.”
“Erwin-”
The bell rings. Suddenly Erwin’s eyes shoot open, like he was snapped out of something, and looks at Levi. Levi’s eyebrows are furrowed and he isn’t trying to hide his worry. “Oi, Erwin,” he says gently, “Let’s keep walking. We’re going to be locked in this building if we don’t.”
Erwin agrees, softly pats his cheek. “Of course, yes, oh, I’m sorry about that.” Levi shakes his head. Don’t be. “I’m sure you’ve heard some bad things about me, Levi.”
“Tch.” he clicks his tongue. And it’s not a sound of disfavor, not even of approval like he denies the things he’s heard about him. Erwin seems to understand. He also seems to feel a little grateful that Levi didn’t leave his side that afternoon.
Today, Levi found out that all he wants to do is be in his mind for one day. No matter what it took. This blondie has him on chokehold, truly.
--
“Would you help me, Levi?”
The question was like it fell down from the sky, or it appeared from a minuscule big bang inside his world. The rotation of the Earth comes to a thousand-mile halt as the beautiful boy stands in front of him.
One thought ruminates Levi’s mind: did he do all this… just for me to help him?
“I know you’re really good at art. And people respect you.” says Erwin bluntly. “I’d like to ask for your help, Levi. With logistical and artistic concerns of my campaign. I want your help, if you’d allow me.”
Levi isn’t heartbroken. Of course, it was too good to be true. Levi knows that Erwin isn’t a bad person. And though he feels a heaviness on his chest, unsure of what to do or what he wants to do, he agrees to help him. No matter what it took. Erwin’s bright smile after hearing his answer was rewarding enough to Levi, and Levi feels like a fool.
--
“You got Levi?!”
The student council meeting room is cramped enough as Hange runs up to bring Levi in a hug. He’s greeted with applause from Moblit and Mike—which is weird since all he did was show up—yet Erwin stands confidently beside him. “He agreed to help me.”
Levi pushes Hange out of his grasp. “Yeah. I did. What do I need to do?”
Mike steps in with his laptop on his arm, “Erwin needs an artist for his campaign posters, while he writes his own speech. And, well, I don’t know, some kind of wingman.”
“Wingman?” retorts Levi.
“Oh god, Mike doesn’t mean it that way,” Moblit nervously waves his hands refuting, “See, Erwin needs a bit of support. You know… to avoid more Eggwin incidents.”
Hange snorts impulsively at the silly name and Mike gives a humbling slap at their head. Erwin unexpectedly chuckles at the name as well, which throws Levi off-guard. He really knew nothing that went on in his head.
“Can we perhaps work on the posters until you can leave?” asks Mike.
Levi pauses. Furlan and Isabel could only wait for him until six in the evening. Erwin acknowledges this, and quickly gets to work. The atmosphere in the room suddenly shifts to serious. This campaign means business, Levi thinks, and it means a lot to Erwin. I have to help him.
He takes out his sketchbook and laptop, and doesn’t lose focus for the next three hours. Erwin would regularly check up on Levi’s work, asking him if he could still hang on. Levi always said yes. Erwin would also drop off a glass of water next to him, then a cup of coffee. Levi said he didn’t drink coffee, and Erwin snatched the cup away to replace it with a teacup of Chamomile. “I heard it’s good for relaxing. Tell me if you need help, okay, Levi?”
Levi couldn’t count how many times he could feel his heartbeat out of his chest that afternoon. The sunset began to paint the sky orange, students were carrying their big projects in big bags bidding their farewells, and the air smelled like street food just waiting to be eaten. You could feel the exhaustion in the meeting room.
“Hello?” a familiar voice knocks at the door. Levi recognizes her immediately and stands to open it. “Aniki!”
“Oh! Levi’s besties!” Hange exclaims as energy flows right back into them at the presence of other people.
“Isabel?” Levi puts a hand on her shoulder, “I told you guys I’d go to you, not the other way around.”
“We wanted to see how you were doing. You looked a bit down.” Furlan shakes a plastic bag full of snacks enough for everyone in the room. Erwin’s attention turns to hearing his words. “Hello upperclassmen! Can we steal Levi from you now?” he excitedly announces.
Hange cackles, “We were just about finish up. Right, Erwin?” Levi looks back at Erwin for his approval. Erwin takes off his glasses and stretches out of his chair, “But of course! Lately, all I’ve been doing is keeping Levi to myself.”
What the fuck? Levi’s ears go beet red.
“Let’s get some food on the way out!” Moblit suggests as he packs up his stuff. Levi turns back to his friends for another look of approval, are you okay with them coming? and all he gets are wide grins. He has no idea how this will turn out, but Levi can’t deny that he’s a bit happy.
As soon as they’re far out from the building they came from, loud with chatter and laughter, thunder rumbles from dark approaching clouds above them.
“It’s about to rain!” Isabel squeals, hurriedly taking out an umbrella from her bag. Hange is also screaming, too excited for their own good, as Moblit takes out two umbrellas from his bag. The thunder rumbles louder as they giddily dig for umbrellas.
“Levi, here, share this with Erwin!” Moblit hands one over, “Hange, Mike, and I will share.”
“What-”
The rain pours heavily, too immediately, that puddles form on the patches of concrete not even a few seconds later. Their backpacks, legs, and shoes are drenched as they run through the rain to the outside of the school gate to find shelter, anything. Erwin wraps an arm around Levi’s shoulders, presses him close to his side, and laughs the loudest Levi’s ever heard. Levi can’t hold in the adrenaline making him feel like a kid again, running with his friends in the rain, absolutely wet, absolutely loud, and absolutely happy.
--
“Erwin?” his voice reverberates through the library. He doesn’t care that people are shushing him. He doesn’t care, he just needs to find him. He’s afraid. “Erwin! Where are you, you conceited prick?”
He runs through all the isles of shelves on the first floor. He proceeds to the next level, swift on his feet. There Erwin was on one of the tables in the very corner of the room, and Levi lets out a sigh of relief. His face is in his arms and the desk is messy with paper and pencils. Walking towards him through the maze of tables, he whines, “You shit. You worried the fuck out of us, you know that?” Erwin doesn’t come up from his arms, “Did you hit your head somewhere? Did you have the longest, most vile shit on the toilet that you were too ashamed to tell us?” Levi reaches him finally. His hands hover over his shoulders, “Erwin?” he calls.
“Mmhm,” Erwin groans raspily, half-asleep. “Levi, are you here? I smell you.”
“Creep.” Levi smacks him on the back of his head and Erwin shoots up.
“Levi?”
“What the hell are you doing here? You have your campaign speech tomorrow and you’re lazing here.” Levi’s voice softens, a hint of worry in its tone, realizing he might have been too harsh on him. Erwin’s eyebags darkened since yesterday, yet he still manages to crack open a sleepy smile.
“I’m sorry.” he simply says. He stretches his hands out on the desk to gather his things, organize it a little, then Levi scoops all of them to his side of the table. He gets Erwin’s backpack from the arm of Erwin’s chair and arranges his notebooks, puts the pencils back in their case, and straightens out the crumpled papers that contained his speech. Erwin watches as Levi does this endearingly, all in silence.
Levi zips up, throws the bag over his shoulder, and holds out a hand to the tired boy, “Let’s go.” Erwin’s agape, sparkles in his eyes as he looks at Levi, then snaps out of it when Levi’s extended hand ruffles his blonde bangs. “You look like a dog with that hair-do.” he grins softly, “I said let’s go.”
Erwin doesn’t find it in him to bring out another smile. Another fake one, that is, a smile that he puts on for others and never for himself. He can frown with Levi. He can laugh with him if he wants to, too—all he knows, is that for now, Erwin can’t smile, he’s sad, and Levi understands that more than anyone.
--
A month passes. Erwin Smith’s campaign posters adorn several billboards around campus positively, his handsome face in addition to his recent redemption attracting students from all over.
Erwin Smith has won. The gymnasium is loud with cheers. Hange, Moblit, and Mike are tearing up. The student body must have finally accepted Erwin Smith wholeheartedly, and he couldn't have done it without Levi.
Looks like you don’t need me anymore, blondie. Levi’s lips turn up, watching the victory. He catches Erwin’s eyes in the crowd, and Erwin smiles so beautifully, like sunshine that lit up his world, that Levi feels afraid. Levi was afraid of many things. Levi wishes he could smile just as beautifully back at him, but all he does is turn away before Erwin could yell for his name.
Levi’s walking away, somewhere, to Furlan, Isabel, to his mama, somewhere. God, Erwin Smith, stay still. Don’t you dare follow me.
Yes. Like a big golden retriever chasing after his owner, the footsteps behind him almost rattle the ground that Levi almost laughs at how stupid this may look right now.
“Levi! Levi, please,” protests Erwin, yet Levi doesn’t look back. He quickens his pace forward. Anywhere, away from him.
“Levi, why—” his wrist is grabbed, and he hates how gentle it is, how Erwin’s fingers barely wrap his skin yet it’s the strongest force for Levi to stop in his tracks. “Is there something wrong?”
Let go, Levi thinks as they both stand in silence, let go. Erwin doesn’t let go.
“Listen… I don’t recall doing anything to you, but if I did, you have to tell me, okay?” Erwin tugs his hand again, “Was it the campaign? Was it because I won and everything’s over? You were just—” it sounds like something was caught in Erwin’s throat and he tries so hard to swallow it. Levi feels weak. “—someone who felt the need to help me?”
When Erwin realizes he can’t receive an answer from the boy, he sighs, and softly sets down his hand. “I’m so confused, Levi.” he whines in a whisper, “I thought I was more than that to you.”
His eyes shoot wide open, and Levi finally turns around to see those shiny blue eyes damp from tearing up. Erwin’s gaze is on the floor, his nose scrunched in defeat. I made him cry, Levi thinks. I hope I die. “Erwin, you’re more than that to me, I just—” he puffs out one big huff of breath that blows his bangs upward. Erwin looks up attentively, “I’m not going to say this again. So listen. First of all, I wanted to help you from the beginning. I made that decision and I made it clear I don’t regret it because you won, okay? Congrats. Second, and above all fucking else, I don’t understand why you like me so much, and it makes me feel so out of place because you’re all handsome and kind and a good leader and shit, so I don’t think you should be hanging around me anymore—”
“I like you.”
“—but it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” Levi finishes.
“Levi,” Erwin steps forward looking warmly into his eyes, while Levi takes a step back. “I like you.”
Erwin’s a jokester, sometimes painfully sarcastic but not as sarcastic as Levi is, but this doesn’t seem like a joke at all. Levi snorts once, incredulously, and Erwin by default laughs back, “Why are you laughing?”
“Me?” it almost sounds offensive. “You like me? Like, like like me? You’re talking to me?” He turns around and no one is there. Oh wait. Oh fuck.
Erwin’s deep, throaty laughter shoots a heart-shaped arrow into Levi’s chest. “Who else am I talking to?”
“Huh?” Levi’s eyes widen and his jaw drops. Huh? Huh?
“Huh?” Now Erwin’s a bit confused. “Wait, Levi, do you understand what I’m trying to tell you—”
Levi flails his hands in the air and shushes him before he could continue. Erwin’s still smiling like this is funny. Levi is about to jump out of an airplane, feel the air take the breath out of his lungs another way. “Don’t say it! Don’t say it again! Okay? Okay?”
“Levi,” the blondie takes his shaking hands in the air, steps closer to him, and squeezes both of them in between his. He presses their conjoined hands to his lips, chaste and sweet, and Erwin says still slightly muffled, “I like you.”
“Lemme get this straight. You like me?” Levi stutters. “Me? As in, fucking, me?”
“I do, I do.” Erwin reassures him, not taking his eyes off of him nor dropping their hands. “You know, you’re so not romantic right now, Levi.”
Levi rolls his eyes at him, stifling a cheesy grin creeping upon his lips. Erwin is beautiful in this light. Levi likes when he’s this close, invading his personal space. He finally decides to invade it once more—tiptoeing with all his might, eyes closed like diving into the deep end blindfolded, shaking, he kisses Erwin on the lips. Erwin melts back into it almost immediately, pulling him even closer by the hips, their bodies entangled in warmth. Erwin giggles into the kiss, and when Levi comes down from his tiptoes, Erwin wraps his arms around him. He cradles Levi’s head in his big hands and sways him from side to side in pure happiness. God, Levi feels so safe. He’s never felt so safe. All his fears melted away with the warmth of Erwin’s lips and big bear hug.
“Are you sure about me, Erwin?” asks Levi, still hesitantly, with his chin squished over his shoulder. “I don’t know everything about you. And you don’t know a lot about me at all.”
Erwin nods. “Then I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to.”
Levi feels it—the snowball thaws, and at the end of the slope, stood Erwin. You could hear it in the silence, the way Erwin holds Levi’s hand in his, rubbing at his fingers—or the way he catches Erwin staring at him with his lips slightly turning up. Or in the way Levi’s sketchbook pages soon fill the corners of all sides of Erwin’s face. You could hear it in the way Erwin peppers Levi’s nose, cheeks, and eyes with his affection; you could hear it when the lights are out and all Levi sees is Erwin’s face in the dim-lit darkness, or in the way he talks about Erwin to his mama whenever he brings Erwin home to her. He’s sunshine. The warmth that melts away his fears, the one who decks the hallway of his paintings back home with his boisterous love. Erwin is starry night, Levi is Van Gogh, and all the brush strokes make sense to him now. Erwin Smith is deeply in love with Levi Ackerman.
Levi is afraid of many things. Only this time, he wasn’t scared enough. For the first time, he felt brave for the blonde boy who saw right through him, and god, does Levi want to hold onto this one.