Chapter Text
Asha was visibly nervous. She was good at hiding emotions, but this time it showed. The reason was going to, and returning from, the Arbor Wilds. The end of their story was coming so close, and everyone knew it. It was like reaching the end of a book, feeling the last pages in your hands, and knowing be coming to a close soon. Only this time there was some level of uncertainty. One way or another, the next time Asha Trevelyan and Corypheus came face to face, it would end. They just didn’t know when.
Bull had just gotten back from the library and entered the main hall when he saw Asha stride from the door into Josephine’s office and to the door up to her room. To anyone else, nothing would seem wrong, but to Bull, she was hurt. It was the same walk she did when she returned from Adamant, the same walk when she met her family again. Funny how her mood when someone died and when her family came to visit was the same.
He began after her, but Leliana was wandering up to him.
“Iron Bull,” she called, “I have something to tell you.”
Bull already had a bad feeling churning in his stomach. Whenever someone said ‘I have something to tell you’ without a smirk on their face, it always meant bad news.
“Lady Trevelyan has specifically asked me to inform you that when we eventually come in contact with Corypheus again, your efforts will not be needed.”
He could see how obviously she was skirting around the issue. Simply put, Asha didn’t want him there when she fought Corypheus.
“What?” he barked, “She told you to tell me!?”
“Bull—”
“Don’t Bull me, Red.” he said, “You knew I wouldn’t be happy about this. She knew, too.”
Leliana was silent in agreement, lifting a hand to stop him from storming off. “It is to keep you out of danger, Bull.”
“Fuck that.” Bull snarled, dodging Leliana and going straight for Asha’s door.
Asha was inside, leaning on the window and watching the mountains from the balcony. Corypheus. She couldn’t get it out of her head. More than anything, Bull was in her head. Everything about that big qunari of hers, everything so easy to just slip out of her hands. It was more terrifying than all of this fucked up situation put together. Then, before she could even register those loud footsteps up the stairs, he was in her room, too.
“Aaashaaa!” he growled, moving like a force of nature towards her. She frowned, heart sinking. Once he reached her, he didn’t know what to do. He simply stood there, lips parted. Maker, she didn’t know what she’d do without him. He kept her together, so much so that she believed if he hadn’t, she’d either be dead or mentally crippled.
“Asha…”
“I’m sorry.” she said, finally making eye contact. “I don’t…”
Her voice was so tiny. Truth was, she didn’t want to look at his face in fear of seeing him mad. When she looked to him, he was angry, but calm.
“You don’t want me there?” he asked, “You don’t want me to be there if something goes wrong? What if something happens to you?”
He saw it again – the way she curled up in defence any time she wanted out. He wouldn’t let her this time.
“But it doesn’t matter to you does it?” he said, eyebrow raised to her. “As long as you’re at peace with it all? The idea that if you die, that’s fine, as long as I don’t? Like I don’t want to lose you?” he paused for a moment, leaning towards her, accidentally intimidating her into looking away again. “You really think that I’ll purposely stay away from you when he could have you on the fucking ground, just—”
“Bull! Corypheus wants me, and he wants me dead. That’s what he’s trying to do. If I’m gone, he wins, simple as that.” she said, looking as angry as she did terrified. “Chances are I’m going to die in that fight. You being there won’t change that.”
He grabbed her by the arms and made her look at him.
“Fine. Say you die.” he growled, “I don’t want to live without you.”
Her frustrated expression loosened into quiet amazement. Bull frowned, rubbing her arm gently.
“I should not have fallen in love with the Inquisitor.” he said, forcing a smile.
“Don’t die for me.” Asha chuckled, tears forming in her eyes. “You can move on after me.”
Bull looked disgusted by the thought.
“No. I can’t.” he said, curling his arm around her waist and resting his hand at her side. “I don’t wantto.”
She sighed, resting her head on his chest.
“I don’t want to wake up the morning after that battle and not have you next to me, Kadan.” he said, his other arm coming around her. “I… can’t.”
She was surprised at the way his breath hitched. It was almost as if he was going to cry. She looked up at him, those big golden eyes bringing him even closer to tears. She curled her fingers into the fabric of his pants, refusing to let go.
He took a deep breath to keep himself from crying and stroked her hair back with one hand. He could have held her there forever if it meant keeping her safe.
“Don’t make me stay away.” he said. “I won’t.”
“Bull, I know you want to be there so that if anything happens… but… please.”
He kissed her ear and held her tight.
“I don’t want to spend a minute of my life worried that I’ll never get to see you again, and never get the chance to say goodbye.” he whispered, choking up again, “What if I could have saved you, but because I’m not there, you…”
“Katoh.” she said, squeezing him beneath her fingertips. He smiled for a moment, kissing at her ear again.
“I can’t rub this one better, Kadan.” he breathed, “I don’t know what to do.”
“You can’t fix this one, Bull.” she said, “It’s either me or Corypheus… and I don’t know when that’s going to happen.”
He picked her up, letting her feet dangle above the floor for a moment before she hooked her legs around his sides. She held his face softly, pressing her forehead to his.
“I love you.” she whispered, “You’re everything to me, Bull. I’d do it all again from the conclave onward if it meant meeting you again… and I’m not losing you to Corypheus, even if that means my own life.”
“Stop talking.” he said demandingly. “You’re going to kick Corypheus in his lyrium infected nutsack, and we’re both going to get out of this alive. Just take me with you to do it.”
She breathed slowly, considering everything she’d just argued against.
“Bull, please don’t make me.”
His half lidded eye watched her, his lips twitching in a need to kiss her.
“I wondered if you cared about me for so long.” she said, “I was so worried that you’d get bored of me.”
He cringed like he did when she suggested that he could move on.
“Enlighten me.”
“I thought you’d get sick of the lifestyle of the serving girls and such. Thought you’d want a redhead.”
Bull ran his hand through her hair while the other held her ass to keep her up off the ground.
“One day I’m going to be old and have a broken pelvis, and I’m not going to be able to have sex. I’d rather have you with me then than any of the serving girls.”
Asha was unable to hide the goofy smile cracking on her face.
“All that’ll be keeping us going is good conversation.” she joked. He grinned.
“I’m okay with that.” he said, “Just as long as I can still kiss you in between.”
“Bull, my cheeks are going to burn off.” she giggled childishly, covering them with her hands.
“But you’re so pretty when you’re blushing, Kadan.” he smirked, beginning to spread kisses all over her face. “And when you’re on that throne in the hall. When you’re fighting. When you’re telling the heretics to go fuck themselves. When you’re fucking me.”
She laughed, half-heartedly trying to push him away. He chuckled against her neck, tickling her with his stubble.
“Plus, I need someone who can jack me off when I’m old.”
She burst into a louder laughter, holding onto his shoulders as he carried her to the bed. He set her down, lowering her onto her back, crawling over her like the giant he was.
“Just let me come with you.” he said, brushing her hair from her face. Her smile faded.
“I don’t want to lose you.” she said, running her fingers softly over his cheek. He leant into her hand, frowning. “Bull.”
“Let me come.” he said. Slowly, her smile came back.
“Isn’t that what I’m normally saying?”
He smirked and shook his head.
“Not an answer, Kadan.”
She softly pinched at his pointed ear, waggling it.
“Let me sleep on it.” she submitted, “But only if you don’t die, and never throw yourself in the way of any dangerous looking blow. Not again. Once was enough.”
He smiled and rubbed the newest scar on his side, thanks to the behemoth in Emprise du Lion. Nearly killed him, but it would have definitely killed her.
“I make no promises about that last part.”
She put her hand over his face, groaning.
“Bull!” she whined, “Stop being an asshole for a second! I didn’t say yes!”
He laughed, grabbing her by the wrist and rolling her over with him so that she was on top.
“Buuuulll!” he whined back in that high pitched mocking voice. “Stop being so sexy!”
Asha cackled, play-fighting for a moment before he caught her by her wrists.
“Buuuuull!” he whined again, “Stoooop it! You’re far too laaarge for my tiny little tooshie!”
Asha could have kicked him if she wasn’t in such a fit of laughter.
“Did you just fucking say tooshie?” she snorted. Bull just wrapped his arms around her waist and cuddled her into submission.
“I’ll get a yes out of you, Ash.” he said, kissing her neck. “I will.”
Asha lied on her side with Bull’s heavy arm over her side and between her breasts. She was holding onto his hand, kissing his knuckles while he slept, quietly snoring into her hair. A few hours ago, when he was just dozing off, he was fiddling with her bottom lip so she made that ‘blub blub’ sound, and laughed like a child. Asha still hadn’t gone to sleep.
She was staring out the window, watching the clouds float across the night sky, thinking about all the ways that last battle with Corypheus could play out. She already saw him die once. Back when she first met Dorian and fought Alexius, she saw him fall onto the ground, lifeless. It broke her heart, and that was before she’d ever admitted her feelings towards him, and she knew it wasn’t real. This time, there was no going back in time to repair what had happened. If anyone died in that fight, it would be real.
And yet he still wanted to be there. Still snoring, he rubbed his foot up against hers, pulling her closer with the arm she held. She ran her fingers along his wrist and felt his chest move with each breath.
“Bull…?” she whispered, running her hand over his and intertwining their fingers. “Can you wake up?”
He continued to snore. She kissed his hand, squeezing on it.
“Buuuuull?” she chimed quietly. His snoring stopped and he moved against her body, curling around her.
“Mmmm?” he mumbled.
“You can come.”
He yawned as she rolled over, snuggling into his chest.
“You’re not going to change your mind?” he asked, repositioning his arms around her.
“I know you’re just going to come anyway.”
“Mmm… you’re right.”
She felt his collar bone and his breathing, savouring every moment of it.
“I’m so scared, Bull.”
He rubbed her back underneath her shirt, planting a slow kiss to her forehead.
“So am I.”