Chapter Text
Sakura had grown up. One could argue that she grew up too fast, but compared to some of her classmates, she was quite lucky after the war. Both her parents were still alive which was more than some of her friends could say, and she had a home to return to.
She’d more than proved herself capable during the war, her powers rivaling that of the Fifth Hokage herself, so it only made sense that she would be sent on missions like these. Missions normally handed out to Jōnin level ninja, women who had done it before.
But they were short on staff and they all had to start somewhere.
The training for this mission had been particularly bleak, the main point being; your body is a tool, if you know how to use it, it can be of utmost use.
Of course, she’d been given the chance to say no, to turn down the mission. In fact three people had hinted that she should. Tsunade and Shizune both seemed apprehensive which she understood, having both as her seniors and being the only two that knew what the mission was, but the third surprised her.
She was walking out of the office, and he was leaning against the wall in the hallway. He glanced up at her, “You know you don’t have to take the mission. You have a choice.”
She raised an eyebrow, her fingers curling around the scroll, “Since when do you listen in on classified mission meetings?”
He snapped his book shut, leaving her question unanswered as he repeated, “You don’t have to take the mission, Sakura.”
“I know that. Why the sudden concern? You’ve never told Naruto to not take a mission, so why me?”
“There’s a bit of a difference.”
“What, because I’m a woman? That’s why they picked me for this job, because it’s something only I can do.”
He grabs her shoulder, pulling her into one of the empty offices and sighs, “It’s not that I don’t think you can. And it’s not because you’re a girl.” Girl? She bristled. She was twenty years old for god’s sake! He kept going, “Because of what might be asked of you. Are you really ready to do that?”
That’s what this was? He was worried about that ? “Kakashi, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m not a kid anymore. I know what happens on these missions. And I accepted it already with full knowledge of what could come of it. It’s a mission, Kakashi, it doesn’t mean anything.”
Even if it’s your first? He doesn’t dare ask out loud, the thought alone makes him uncomfortable and he isn’t looking to get sucker-punched by Sakura for prying. So instead he nods, deciding to end the conversation there while they are still on good terms, before he wishes her luck on her mission and leaves the room.
When she arrives at the gates late that night, she’s met by Tsuande, and once again, Kakashi. Except he’s got his pack on his back and isn’t wearing his normal flak vest. She raises an eyebrow at his appearance and Tsunade sighs, “Kakashi made some good points. While this is still your mission, he’ll be providing you escort on the way there and back, just in case there’s trouble.”
She stares him down, “Are you going to try and get me to drop this mission again?”
He shakes his head, “No. It’s your mission, and you can do it however you’d like. The trip is going to take a while though, and having some back up is better than no back up.”
They travel in silence, Sakura lost in her thoughts and Kakashi wishing he could say something. But everything he wants to say leads the conversation down a very dangerous pathway and he isn’t sure he can handle it.
When they stop for the night, setting up camp in a cave, they’re forced to huddle together for warmth. It isn’t the first time they’re this close together for warmth, and it likely isn’t their last. Team Kakashi was highly sought after for the most difficult missions. Often times, that left nice accommodations unavailable and left them with only each other.
If it were under any other circumstance, it would have been intimate. The way she’s leaning against his chest and he’s got his arms around her shoulders would have been romantic in any other context, but this is a mission. And this is about survival.
Even when they’re like this, they’re barely talking. He leans his head back on the cave wall, closing his eyes as he focuses on her breathing, rhythmically moving in time with his own. Her voice breaks the silence, “Kakashi?”
He hums in acknowledgement, waiting for her to continue. He feels her shift in his arms, and her voice sounds different when she speaks, “If the mission goes , like that ,” she trails off into silence. He can feel her shaking her head, “Never mind, it’s nothing.”
He opens his eye to peer down at her, and she’s playing with her hands. He doesn’t need to see her face to know her eyebrows are drawn together and she’s biting her bottom lip. He clears his throat, “What about it?”
She jumps slightly, the silence lapsing between them once again. She groans, falling into her hands, and the space on his chest that she’d been keeping warm is instantly cooled. “Can we discuss something as a missions-only matter? So no matter what I say you’re going to respond as my captain with the intentions of the mission in your head, and not as my friend or teacher or anything like that?”
He doesn’t like that he can tell where this is going. He doesn’t like the way his stomach twists at the thought of the conversation at hand, but as she glances back at him timidly he knows it has to worse for her. She’s the one who has to ask .
He nods, gently pulling her back against his chest in an attempt to get back some of her warmth. The other part of him doesn’t want to have to look at her during this conversation, and as she relaxes against him, he knows she feels the same.
“If the mission goes the way it does, and it turns into an overnight thing,” she can feel her face burning. Of all people, why did it have to be Kakashi? She’d have rather had just about anyone, even someone she didn’t know. She’s struggling to find the words, her mouth keeps opening uselessly but no sound ever comes out.
“You’ve never done it before,” his tone is judgement free, as casual as if they were discussing the weather, and she’s thankful. She nods softly, and she feels him sigh behind her.
“I know how it works, I get that part. But I—”
“Don’t know what to expect?” he finishes helpfully. She nods again, sure her face is set fully aflame. He clears his throat, a twinge of humor in his voice, “I could give you my copy of Icha Icha, that’ll answer some of your questions.”
She’s laughing in his arms, and he’s thankful for the mood change. She rolls her eyes as she glances back at him, “I’m serious, Kakashi. That Icha Icha crap doesn’t help anybody.”
“It helped me on mine,” he answers easily, and he feels her freeze.
When she glances back at him again, her expression has shifted, “You’ve done missions like this before?”
“Men aren’t the only ones in positions of power,” he gives her an appraising look. “But you want me to speak like your captain, right?” she nods instantly. “Then I’d have probably suggested practicing before the mission.”
Her jaw drops, and he struggles to not laugh. “What? That’s your great advice? Find a guy and shack up with him before it’s a mission to figure it out?”
“As a captain yes. But as your friend, you didn’t seem to want any help from me, so I didn’t say anything.” She’s glaring at him, but her cheeks are tinted pink and she slowly drops back against his chest.
“Okay, so as my captain, what do you suggest now? And not the book!” she feels his laughter in his chest, and she rolls her eyes.
“We’re going to be at the village tomorrow, you can probably find someone to practice with then.” He doesn’t even need to see her gaze, because he knows she’s glaring daggers. “Or not that.”
She sighs, her expression softening, “I should have thought of this back home. At least then I would know the person. A stranger from a random village isn’t exactly every girl’s dream.” The next thought she has makes her stomach squirm and her heart start beating very quickly. As a man with strong sensory skills and his arms wrapped around her shoulders, she knows he can feel it.
“What?” he asks, his tone passive with a hint of concern.
She pulled away from his arms and turned to face him, her cheeks a deep shade of crimson. She reminds him quickly, “You’re my captain.” He nods. “And this is a mission.” Another nod. “And you’ve done this before.” Nod. “So you know that there are no feelings involved.”
Not no feelings , there were some, that even with strangers still lingered, but her gaze was waiting for his final response. He nods again. She closes her eyes, gathering her courage and then asks, “Walk me through it?”
He freezes instantly, his mind filling with images that are sure to send him to hell.
She’s assuring him in seconds, “We won’t do anything, I swear, just, tell me what to do. What guys like, how it’s supposed to go.” His eye is still wide on hers, and she’s shaking her head, “No, forget it. Never mind, it was stupid. I’m sorry.”
“No, Sakura,” he reaches for her shoulders and waits for her to meet his gaze. She’s worried and anxious but too proud to admit it and she’s terrified. And she knows she can’t back out of the mission now. “As your captain, it is up to me to prepare you for a mission, right?” she nods. “And you’ve never done this before.” Another nod. “So you don’t know what to expect.” Nod.
He closes his eyes and sighs, “Alright then.”
She doesn’t think her heart can handle this. She isn’t sure how they get to the position they are and she knows that is exactly what she should be paying attention to, but she can’t. Not with his eyes on her like that. He’s telling her to relax, and she knows she’s as stiff as a board, but she can’t help it. She never imagined it happening.
And just like she had asked, it’s impersonal. He explains things as he goes, his voice as lazy as usual as if this was any old training exercise. There is one moment though, where his voice shifts just slightly. It’s as he’s laying her back, his one hand wrapped around her waist and the other slowly guiding them to the ground. He’s coached her into wrapping her leg around him, and when they lay down, her face only a few inches from his, he nods, “Yeah. Just like that.”
He knows she can hear the shift.
He sees it in her eyes.
He just begs that she won’t bring it up. And she doesn’t. They stay like that for a minute, but the time seems to drag on. It’s taking everything in his willpower to not close the distance between them. His hand is still around her, and his elbow is the only thing that keeps their bodies from being pressed together, and he notices she hasn’t unlocked her leg from around him either.
When she speaks, her voice is low, “Kakashi.”
He nods, unable to speak. His voice would give him away.
“Can you show me one more thing?” he nods. “Kiss me.”
The world seems to stop. He wants to pull back from her and get them out of the cave because they're too close. He wants to take them back to Konoha where he can pretend this didn’t happen and ignore the way his heart starts to pound against his chest. He wants to pull away from her--but he can’t. He knows he just has to move one arm and there’ll be more distance, but she’s staring at him, her green eyes boring into his soul. “Why?” it’s the only question he can ask.
“Practice,” she answers instantly, her voice breathy. When his dark eye looks unconvinced, she adds, “I’ve never done it, and I don’t want to lose my first tonight.” Between her annoying crush on Sasuke and a war taking up her teen years, she didn't have a whole lot of time for boyfriends.
She’d still be losing it to him, he thought. She’d still be giving it to someone that shouldn’t have it. She whispers, “I don’t want to lose it on a mission like this.”
And even he agrees, that would be worse.
He isn’t aware that removes his hand from her waist, reaching hesitantly for his mask. He doesn’t recall telling her to close her eyes before he does, or leaning in until their noses are brushing. He just knows that she’s suddenly there, her lips against his and the hesitance that had filled the cave is ripped away.
Their hands can’t get enough of each other. He curls his into a fist as he forces it to stay there, forces their bodies to be apart, but her hands on the back of his neck make him falter. Her lack of experience isn’t lost, it takes her a few moments to find the rhythm, but once she’s there—he can’t think properly.
Practice . It’s practice . For the mission. For the mission. It’s for the mission .
But the thoughts are lost on him as her hand travels up his chest like he’d told her to earlier, before it runs across his shoulders. His lessons come to the front of her mind and she’s using them all. The hand on his chest, her nails against his scalp, hesitantly opening her mouth and letting his tongue explore.
It’s beautiful and wrong. Pleasurable and sinful.
His hand pushes her back by her waist, and he’s gasping for air, dropping his head into the crook of her neck. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly below him and he forces himself to pull his mask back up. When they glance at each other, there’s an obvious difference in their gazes.
But he nods, tells her she did well and pulls them apart, going back to sit against the wall of the cave, heavily dropping his head back. It takes a few minutes for her to sit up. He doesn’t watch, but he feels her movements as he closes his eye. She sits up and makes her way over to him, and doesn’t say anything as she nestles herself against his chest. His arms loop around her shoulders again, and he can feel her still pounding heart, but he doesn’t comment on it.
Neither say a word the remainder of the night.