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It always had been loneliness. It never left you and was the state you knew you eventually fall back into.
So. Why were you disappointed then?
Was it the warm and comfortable atmosphere that this school provided or seeing that they had no intention of including you?
To be fair, you don't make it easy for them. Your application was very ominous, not allowed to talked about, since it was Gojo himself who brought you along in the middle of the night. Additionally, you are much older than these first years and the second years. Put into the the group of three in the middle of the year. Not that there are specific rules the anything in this school. Not ones that seemed to be know by you or the other first years.
Your character is rather harsh and solitary. But even the seemingly restive Fushiguro befriended the sweetheart Itadori and Kugisaki, who was a character on her own.
Obviously they are used to each other by now and grew closer. Obviously you are the outsider. Obviously you are not supposed to befriend them. Nonetheless, it was lonely.
Sitting on the roof, in the same spot, every night, while being able to drown the laugher of the others with the sound of crickets.
Today, however, it felt different. You were sent on a mission to exorcise a curse with the only other girl in the class. She told you to stay back once you had corner it together. In a fit of rage for it hurting you earlier you struck out, nearly hitting Kugisaki with the speks of your anti-gravitational beam. It sent the curse right to hell while blasting the short-haired woman back into a tree.
When she woke around dinnertime she went right into the silent dinning area, confronting you loudly. Spitting mad words at you. Not taking insults from someone who was five years younger than yourself you punched the table, making even the pink-haired boy across the room flinch. Standing up and being right in her face about her lack of power, poking the fact that she ran out of nails multiple times, making her useless. Her defense was to grab you by your shirt and spilling ever words you did not want to hear or accept. Outsider, weirdo, outcast...
With hardened expression you gripped her wrist to push her aside. Scoffing at her low curses while existing, saying you didn't want to deal with children anymore.
The moment those left you, you realized that you also had included Itadori and Fushiguro in your fit. Without looking back you spun on the roof, knowing they saw. Knowing that HE saw. Gojo Saturo. He had returned for the first time after dropping you off and joined the hall right after his hurt student. He just stood.
---
He found you crying in a sea of lurking curses. You had tears in your eyes when firing random attacks on them. It was quite obvious to him that you had no idea what you were doing and what the curses even are. In a snap he was done with them and tried to talk to you.
"Are you alright?"
Probably sensing his cursed energy, you crawled back into a wall, a terrified look all over you.
"Please"
Your horse voice plead. Hiding in your arms, which were slung around your legs. He took a step forward, noticing a spike in your own cursed energy. Fear.
"I'm not going to hurt you"
He sounded again. Nearing you once again. Earning a flash of pure energy to be thrown his way. A grin appeared on the corner of with mouth. You had loads of raw energy. A unpolished diamond.
"You need to focus your emotion on a specific target for better aim"
He sounded, strolling even closer. As if listening to him, your next wave was even more powerful and way closer to the man then before.
"Fascinating"
He praised and now sat in the dirt next to you. Leaving enough space to not make you feel threatend.
"What's you name sparky"
He called. Making you peak at the man under your messy hair. Not hearing a sound the introduced himself as a teacher for Jujutsu Sorcerers.
"Oh. You don't know what a Jujutsu Sorcerer is, right?"
Not expecting to hear a silent deny, he turned to you. Seeing you sniffle and finally looking at him.
This will be interested.
A smirk spread on his face.
---
"I know that you are there Sensei"
You called out. Scene oddly familiar. Head tugged into your arms, back to the small wall. But now being on a roof.
"Aw. I thought I could watch you some more"
Gojo pounded while jumping from the advantage point over you to be next to you.
"Watching a crying woman after a teenager insulted her?"
You questioned, burring yourself even further in your clothes.
It's been several months now. Kugisaki never let of you, tugging the others away. Always painting you as the bad, irrebuttable one. You botched it when you call them children. But now not even being able to return to the soothing loneliness bothered you.
You had to stay and get along. You cannot risk botching another mission.
"You know, I really thought you would get along the best"
He said, sitting on the edge, slightly infront of you, dangling his feet. At that you got up.
"Can't even cry in peace"
You wanted to jump away, but the man held your wrist back.
"Sorry"
He mumbled now, pulling you into a sitting position now. Satisfied with an apology from him, you curled you feet up again. Falling into silence.
"What are you thinking right now?"
He questioned once again.
"I hate being what she says I am and having no possibility to change it"
You spluttered. Surprising both of you.
"I want to speak to have a best friend to show who I am to, but they won't have me"
I should not want that and they are probably better off like it right now.
"You have a beautiful personality y/n. And I am sure you could go out there and a lot of people would love to be your friend"
His soft side was so unusual. No hit of sarcasm, joy or ridicule. Pure seriousness sprung from his words.
"With this type of life it's hard to make normal friends and you know that"
You spat, leaning back into the tears that started to form.
"If you gave them time. Yuji loves people but is kind of shy sometimes, Megumi generally needs to warm up and Nobara... Nobara has too much pride but once she starts to like you, she'd chew your ear off"
The man trailed. Seemingly frustrated that you haven't befriended them yet. Wanting to see you success badly.
"Why won't you give them time?"
He questioned when he saw you look at him with glossy eyes.
"I'm giving you time"
You hoaxed. Tearing at his heart strings. You wanted to befriend him?
"Why would you?"
"Sorry for speaking"
You immediately took his question and confused complexion as if it offended him.
"No no!"
He was quick to pull your face back to him. To making you look back at his eyes now.
When did he take his blindfold off?
"I meant, why would you choose me?"
He whole heartedly did not understand. You first contact wasn't the best and he was hardly around, leaving you in a hostile environment.
"You saved me"
His hand cradled you face. You snuggled into it while more tears slipped.
"I was about it give in. Give up"
His heart hurt seeing you like that. Without knowing, he grew fond of you. Spending all your time when he was around, showing eventual smiles to his teasing.
"Y/n"
In a quick motion you were in arms. One over the back of you head while your hands laid over his chest.
It was the perfect opportunity. He was vulnerable now. Opening up his infinity for you. You had him. But what held you from crushing his heart?
Was it the fear of losing now in a fight, leaving the feeling of false sense of hospitality or actually hurting him?
You excuse yourself for it being to early and that you needed to build more trust. What if he didn't fully turn it off?
So you let yourself sinking into the embrace even more. Enjoying his warm face in your neck. Guilty pleasure when he whispered a promise of staying and protecting you.
Now confusing tears of joy with tears of knowing that this will can never happen.
All of it. LIES.