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Keebo burst open the swinging cafeteria doors. “Miu! What have you done to me?”
Hulking machinery hung off his form. Grunting, Keebo hauled himself over the threshold by pulling on the doorframe. One leg dragged behind him, leaving scrapes across the red and black checkered floor. The food service counter on the far wall was closing. The rectangular tables were empty, save for Miu in the back corner and Sakura and Aoi who shot Keebo strange looks. Keebo heaved himself towards Miu’s table. If Keebo was human, he’d be sweating and out of breath.
Miu typed away on her laptop, several ramen cups and Kit Kat wrappers around her. Behind her was floor to ceiling windows which only showed darkness. “Huh? Oh, Keebo! Here to bow in eternal gratitude to this gorgeous girl gen—?”
Keebo slammed his hand on the table. “Why did you install stereo speakers in me?”
“Your head can turn into a disco ball too. Now you’ll be the life of the party instead of staying on the sidelines like some beta virgin.”
“I do not need—!”
Miu made a circling motion with her finger. “Can ya turn around for me?”
“Huh? Oh sure.”
Keebo turned. Miu opened up Keebo’s hindquarters, revealing a fridge. Miu pulled out a Pepsi, chugged it, and smacked her lips. “Ahh. That hits the spot.”
“Why is there a fridge inside my behind?!”
One eye closed, Miu gestured to him with the can. “You’re fuckin’ lucky I ran outta parts. I was gonna put a juicer in your leg for blending my Red Bull, Earl Grey, and Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino.”
Keebo balled his fists. “I am not a robot for your personal convenience.”
Miu snorted. “If that was the case, I would have installed you with a di—”
“That is far enough!” Frowning, Keebo pointed a hand which had been replaced with a pencil. “I—huh? This looks relatively harmless.”
“That’s for drawin’ what you dream while you sleep.”
“But I can’t sleep!”
“Nah, fuck that. It’s for me.” Eyes closed, Miu licked her lips.
“Remove this at once! All of it! All of this additional hardware is extremely taxing for my CPU, not to mention heavy! I can… barely stand…”
Keebo collapsed as his vision went black.
Grimacing, Keebo opened his eyes. Harsh bright light shone upon him. A chainsaw and drill hung down from above. Squinting, Keebo turned his head to the side. Monitors and machinery lined the back wall, flanked by pink tiered curtains reminiscent of a love hotel. Through his fingers Keebo could smell the acidic sting of the chemical vials on tables along the wall. Grunting, Keebo sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the operating table he was lying on. I’m in Miu’s lab. What happened to me?
Biting her lip, Miu approached. She twirled a strand of hair, face flushed. “O-oh, you’re awake. F-fuck knows I was in labor for long enough.”
Labor? Frowning, Keebo looked down at himself. All the extraneous hardware was removed, but something felt off according to his internal sensors. “Am I going to be okay?”
“Yes, you’re all right. Thankfully, there wasn’t a need for a chassis section. Here’s your child.” Miu lifted up a robot from a table. Placed it in Keebo’s arms. Keebo gasped.
The robot was the size of a four-year-old, outfitted in a kindergarten hat and yellow knitted-scarf with a chassis that resembled a jacket. His eyes were closed, resting.
“Aw, he’s so cute… WAIT!” Keebo started. “H-h-how? What? Who?”
Smiling, Miu adjusted the robot’s hat. Ran a finger through his white spiky hair and earmuff-like ears. The facial features’ resemblance to Keebo was striking. “This here is Cutebo. Y’know. Kee-bo. Cute-bo. I made him from your extra parts and copied Professor Idabashi’s design, so he’s your kid now. You’re welcome.”
“Why would you make a child?!”
Drooling, Miu hugged herself. “Why does anyone make children…?”
Cutebo’s eyes shot open. Locked with Keebo’s gaze. “Hi! Are you my daddy? Do you love me? Can we play together?”
“I’m no one’s father!” Grimacing, Keebo leaned ever so slightly back. “But… I guess I’ll take care of you for now. Someone has to.” Although I am largely unfamiliar with the field of child raising. I am going to need a lot of assistance.
Music filled Kaede’s lab. She and Shuichi performed a duet on the piano that stood on a circular dais. Maki and Cutebo watched. Bookcases of CDs stood behind them. Half erased measures covered the chalkboard. Light streamed from the gently billowing curtains.
Kaede closed her eyes. Her fingers lightly tapped the keys like a stone skipping across a pond’s surface. As the last note faded away, Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief. Kaede giggled. Turning to Cutebo, she asked, “How was that? Did you like it?”
Cutebo gazed up at her with wide eyes. “Yes,” he chirruped in his high-pitched child voice.
“Ahh, you’re so cute!” Kaede pinched his vinyl cheeks.
Maki rubbed a strand of hair between her fingers. “I guess it was pretty nice. If Cutebo liked it, I can’t imagine the kids at the orphanage not enjoying it.”
Stretching, Shuichi stood up. “Maybe we could make it a song? Add lyrics? Or, oh, what about hand motions?”
Kaede spun around on the piano bench. “Oh, maybe we can ask the kids to write the words to the song! That’ll be a fun act—”
“Ah!” Cutebo knocked over the binder of sheet music off the piano onto the keys.
Kaede winced. “Be careful, okay, Cutebo? What were you looking at?”
Cutebo pointed to a music sheet heavily marked up in red. “What’s that? Can you play it?”
“Oh, that’s… that’s Liszt’s ‘La Campanella’.” Bowing her head, Kaede wrung her hands in her lap. “It’s a very difficult piano piece but I’d be happy to play it for you! It goes like this.”
After a deep breath, Kaede began. The music ebbed and waned like a ballroom dance from a music box. Growing in intensity, Kaede repeated notes after each other as if music to Tom and Jerry being chased by falling icicles. Sweating, Kaede bit her lip as she reached the last section. Her hands flew over the keys, making two octave jumps with such speed and precision Kaede felt her fingers were catching on fire.
When she finished, Kaede heaved for breath. Smiling, Kaede wiped her sweaty forehead. “What do you think of that, Cutebo?”
Cutebo stared at the sheet music with laser-like focus. “Download and analysis complete. Executing program… now!” The robot sat on the bench beside Kaede. Played all the jumps, repeated note figures, and chromatic passages flawlessly.
Finished, Cutebo beamed up at her. “Is that how it’s supposed to go?”
Lips parted, Kaede stared. She bolted from the room, crying.
Kirumi frowned at the canvas before her. At Angie’s insistence Kirumi and Tsumugi watched over Cutebo, teaching him how to paint in the artist’s lab. She looked up. Thick black paint ran along the white walls. Tables with Angie’s finished artworks and tools framed the room. Buckets of paint and brushes lay in haphazard piles like a junkyard.
Tsumugi painted next to Cutebo’s easel. “I’ll be drawing Totoro and Pikachu! Ghibli and Pokémon are two of the most widely popular children's media franchises. Given you were only born, er, created a few days ago, I don’t think you know them. But we’ll have to arrange a binge session…”
Behind them, Angie sculpted the latest in her series of Renaissance artists wax statues. Tongue out, Angie gently chiseled grooves in Leonardo’s beard.
Kirumi stepped out from behind her easel to approach Cutebo. “My, what a wonderful creation you have made, Cutebo.”
Using watercolors, Cutebo had painted Miu and Keebo standing in a grassy field with the sun and clouds above them. “Look! It’s Daddy and my creator. Will they like it?”
Tsumugi clasped her hands. “It’s very nice! I’m sure they will love it.”
Brows furrowed, Cutebo forcefully pressed the paintbrush to the canvas, splaying the bristles. “It’s not finished yet—oh!” The paintbrush snapped in half.
As Tsumugi helped Cutebo pick up the pieces, Kirumi selected another brush for him. “Forgive me, but I must leave. The green tea cookies Sonia requested for her afternoon tea will finish soon. Excuse me.”
After curtsying Kirumi exited the lab, rounded a corner, and descended a couple flights of stairs. Pounding footsteps sounded behind her. Kirumi turned to see Tsumugi and Angie running after her. “Why may I ask are you following me?”
Tsumugi clapped her hands. “It’s plain obvious. We want your cookies!”
“Yup, yup! They have Atua’s divine blessing.”
Kirumi nodded. “Indeed, I strive for perfection in every… My apologies, but they are not for you. And if you two are here, then Cutebo is…”
The women shared a wide-eyed glance. They raced back to the artist lab, Kirumi outpacing them. She opened the lab’s doors.
Globs of paint were flung everywhere. Walls, the floor, Angie’s masterpieces. Cutebo had knocked over the wax statues, smashing them. He had ripped off Leonardo’s arm and placed a paintbrush in its hand, using it to paint.
Cutebo lifted the arm in greeting. “Hiii! I kept breaking the paintbrush, so I used another hand. And when I finished my drawing, I helped you guys with yours! Heehee.”
Sweating, Tsumugi glanced at Angie. “O-oh, I see… That’s uh….”
Angie’s eyes flashed behind her bangs. “Atua will curse you down to the last screw, bolt, and nut, you—!”
Grunting, Kirumi and Tsumugi had to hold Angie back.
Keebo, Kiyo, and Kokichi sat at a table in the library, an array of open books before them. Pictures of maps, battles, and foreign cities filled the pages. Rantaro and Gonta had carried a globe stand to their table. Bookcases surrounded them, hiding them from view in the corner of the library. Cutebo ran around to all the other ultimates’ tables asking them what they were doing until the crone receptionist scowled at him.
Elbows on the table, Keebo held his head in his hands. “I apologize for leaving my portion of the WWI presentation until the last day. This week has been… quite difficult. Cutebo doesn’t sleep, so I appreciate everyone watching him during the day as it gives me a break. Even then balancing a student life and watching him is a struggle. He’s a terabyte of terror. He keeps pestering me and asking me all these inane questions like why do people sneeze and I… I just…!”
Hand by his mouth, Kokichi leaned over and loudly whispered. “Hey! Are you going to be okay paying the bills?”
Keebo blinked. “Bills? What bills?”
“Y’know, child care bills. Or wait, I guess Miu would be paying you cuz you have custody. Nee-heehee!”
“Stop that at once! I am not some parent!”
Kiyo looked to the side. “Indeed, that may be the case, however…”
Straining on his tippy-toes, Cutebo smacked the buttons on the library copier. Dozens of coloring pages spat out, creating a messy pile on the floor. Grabbing a handful, Cutebo dashed up to Gonta. “Lookie, look! I’m gonna color these aaall by myself. Angie taught me how.”
Gonta smiled. “Wow, that great! Gonta no good at coloring in the lines. Gonta proud of you.”
Kiyo sighed. “Cutebo is a child in need of a parent.”
Hands on the table, Keebo rose out of his seat. “Cutebo, don’t touch the copier! You’ll break it.”
Hanging his head, Cutebo wandered off. He idly picked out a couple of books at random before setting them on the floor. He mumbled, “I’m gonna make a fort and hide.”
Rantaro scooched in his chair. “All right, so we have Keebo’s section on the causes of WWI, but we still have to create the trifold by tomorrow.”
Kokichi set his ruler on the edge of the table like a seesaw and, hitting the ruler, launched his pencil into the air. “We can just, like, slap the information onto construction paper, put it on the trifold, and call it a day! Easy squeezy. So easy, this Supreme Leader will leave it to you followers.”
Rantaro shook his head. “I want this project to really have impact—”
Cutebo sang, “Do do do… Oh!” Cutebo tripped on a coloring page. His metal frame collided into a bookshelf. The shelf tipped backwards and like dominos, bookshelves tumbled into each other. The entire library came crashing down around them. Students shouted and flinched with every bang.
In the silence that followed, ultimates stared at Cutebo, wide-eyed. The librarian glared.
Cutebo squeaked, “Oops.”
Hand behind his head, Rantaro laughed, “Well, that’s one bill you’ll definitely have to pay. Hahaha…”
Keebo groaned.
When Himiko opened the doors to her lab, Cutebo gasped. The guillotine, the swords stuck in a box, the giant cauldron in the back—everything sparkled. Doves cooed in their cage. Water churned as piranhas circled in their tanks. Wide-eyed, Cutebo tugged on Himiko’s skirt. “Is this a playroom? Can I play in it? Can I, can I?”
Chin in the air, Himiko crossed her arms. “Magic isn’t some plaything, but an arcane art form. My MP levels are off the charts today, so I will show you any spell you wish!”
Tenko and Ryoma entered the lab behind the mage. Beaming, Tenko squealed. “Ooh, I get to see a private magic show! Can I be your assistant in the water tank escape spell? I promise I won’t drown! Or, ooh, what about knife throwing? You look so cute twirling before you throw. Please, I’ll do anything!”
Ryoma pulled down his hat. “Ten seconds in and it’s already getting out of hand. Good thing I was around to help watch.”
Cutebo raced to the horizontal box lying in the center of the room. A circular saw had cut the box in half. “What’s this box? Can I climb inside?”
“Ah, good eye.” Himiko nodded to herself. “But that’s for the extreme meat magic, sawing someone in half spell, and you don’t have meat so…” Himiko moseyed over to the dove cage on the side. “How about I release some doves out of my hat…”
“Aw…” Frowning, Cutebo ran his hand down the box. The circular saw gleamed in the light.
Kaito yawned as he wandered the academy halls that night. The stars outside the window and exit lighting glowed softly. His footsteps echoed in the empty halls. Exhaling, Kaito rubbed his eye. “Man, it’s been two days since Nekomaru had chili for lunch and the boy’s dorm bathroom still reeks.”
A bang sounded from Himiko’s lab.
Kaito froze. “Is that a gh-gh-gh…?! No, no, no, no. They aren’t real. It’s just Himiko. She knocked over something.” Heart pounding, Kaito approached the lab doors. “I-I’ll just help her out, go to the bathroom, and go back to my room—”
Inside Cutebo stood before the circular saw magic box, head popped off. Cutebo’s body patted the ground in search of his head. Cutebo’s decapitated head looked up at Kaito. “Oh, hi! Can you help me?”
Kaito screamed.
In Miu’s lab, Keebo covered his face with his hands. “Cutebo decapitated himself. I can’t believe I let him do something so dangerous.”
Miu grunted. She stood over her operating table, welding two computer parts together with a laser device hanging from the ceiling. “Fuckin’ genius that I am, I was able to copy Professor Idabashi’s design so his head is easily detachable. Makes maintenance more convenient. ’Sides, there’s nothin’ wrong with playing with yourself.”
“One minute I was in my dorm working on the WWI presentation—which is still not finished because of Cutebo’s library incident—the next minute I looked up and Cutebo was gone. And then to hear he hurt himself…” Keebo gripped the edge of the operating table, blue eyes glowing. “I do not… I do not believe I am suited to being his caretaker. I cannot continuously rely on my classmates to watch over him when he unintentionally upsets their feelings, destroys their belongings, and hurts himself. It’s not possible to both raise him and be a student.”
Miu raised her welding face shield. “So whaddya gonna do? Put ’im in a box out on the street with an ‘Adopt Me’ sign?”
“No, Cutebo… Cutebo may be a little troublemaker, but he has a good heart. I can’t abandon him. Cutebo needs a parent.” Keebo narrowed his eyes. “I believe I have a solution.”
Keebo and Cutebo stood by Hope’s Peak main gate. The wrought-iron gate was flanked by brick walls outlining the school’s perimeter. A paved road framed by trees lay before them. The Tokyo cityscape lined the horizon. Behind them, Hope’s Peak Academy stood tall, the school insignia gleaming in the sunlight.
A man exited from a car parked off to the side. Short in stature, he stooped over because of his kyphotic back. Tufts of white hair stuck up every which way. Grease and coffee stains dotted his lab coat. Keen gray eyes assessed Cutebo. “It’s time.”
Cutebo frowned up at Keebo. “Who’s that old guy? What is he doing here?”
“That’s Professor Idabashi, my creator. He’s here to… here to take you to his laboratory and raise you.” Fist balled, Keebo hung his head. “My apologies, professor. My maturing AI is the culmination of your life’s work, and yet I am not responsible enough to raise him.”
Professor Idabashi smiled, face wrinkling. “On the contrary, my dear K1-B0. This decision shows how mature you are, and that you are indeed the best father for Cutebo. I am proud of you.”
If Keebo could cry, his eyes would have shone with tears. “Thank you,” he whispered.
Eyes wide, Cutebo stepped back. “Wait… I’m leaving? Why? Am I a bad boy? Will I ever see you again?”
Keebo knelt down. Placed a hand on Cutebo’s hat. “No, you’re not a bad child. As a matter of fact…” Keebo printed out pictures from his memory drive—meeting Cutebo for the first time, Cutebo’s drawing of Miu and Keebo, Cutebo playing in the library and with Himiko’ magic props. “You’re a curious, kind boy who always tries to help others, if a bit clumsy. I must admit, I will miss you. But we’ll see each other again soon, I promise. So hold on to these photos, these memories until then, okay?”
Biting his lip, Cutebo glanced between the photos and Keebo. Then, smiling, he clutched the photos to his chest and nodded.
Cutebo followed Professor Idabashi to the car. Just before climbing inside, Cutebo turned and waved vigorously. “Bye bye, Daddy! I’ll see you soon.”
Keebo raised a hand. “Bye, my son.”