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Makoto peered out from backstage at the audience. The gym was packed with people watching the cultural festival’s play. Classmates’ parents and their younger siblings occupied every fold-out chair and bleacher of the basketball court. Their excited murmurs echoed off the gym’s high beams. Makoto spied Ibuki and Kokichi eating crepes that they snuck in. A baby cried.
Makoto smiled. The Sleeping Beauty play has been going well so far. He glanced onstage.
Miu, the evil fairy Maleficent, was sitting on a throne with her pig and crocodile servants, Teruteru and Kazuichi. The front of Miu’s black robes lay open to reveal a very sheer two piece. Glitter covered her skin. “You’ve been searching for Princess Aurora for sixteen years and all this time you’ve been searching for a baby? Really? You’re not jerking my tits? Fuck me. God, I need to snort my fairy dust powder. That’ll send me flying high.”
Makoto winced. Mostly well, anyway. A thrill of nerves churned Makoto’s stomach. It’s almost my part…
“You ready?”
Makoto turned. Backstage reeked of paint. Large cardboard set pieces lay against the back wall. Costumes hung from rolling racks. Boxes were haphazardly stacked, props spilling out. Makoto squinted in the dark to see Kaito approaching.
Kaito asked, “You’re not nervous, are you?”
Declaring “directors get costumes too!”, Kaito wore a black and white kimono and haori reminiscent of a shogun, shades, and a Sherlock Holmes pipe. He loosely held the arm of a doll prop which served as baby Aurora from the opening scene.
Did he randomly pull that getup from boxes around here, or is that his image of a director…?
Smile strained, Makoto rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s just I know how unlucky I can be sometimes. And we didn’t have a lot of opportunities to practice. Especially, uh, you, Kaito.” He had often skipped rehearsal to visit the batting cages with Nekomaru and Mondo.
Laughing, Kaito clapped Makoto’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, don’t worry! It’ll be all right. Your suave director will back you up.” Kaito winked behind his shades. “Just follow my lead.”
Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about.
The lights over the audience dimmed. Curtains fell.
“That’s my cue! Gotta head up to the control booth. Go onstage after my narration.” Grinning, Kaito swung the baby doll over a shoulder. “Break a leg and—oh!” The baby’s head popped off. Rolled onstage. “Whoops, there goes the head. Haha! Anyway, crush it out there. The performance, not the head!” Waving, Kaito jogged off.
“R-right.” Stomach knotting, Makoto tugged his tan tunic. His Prince Philip costume consisted of a red cape with a collar, belt, and brown pants.
Red curtains rose to reveal a forest backdrop. Angie had painted a sweeping array of spindly oak trees, budding bushes, and a fallen log. Cardboard tree cutouts framed the stage. In the center was a large, flat boulder.
Over the ceiling speakers, Kaito began speaking. “Thanks to Maleficent’s interference, Princess Aurora would fall asleep if she was pricked by a spinning wheel’s spindle. To protect her, three fairies hid Aurora deep within a forest. They raised Aurora without telling her she was royalty. On her sixteenth birthday, they sent Aurora out to pick berries.”
Holding a basket, Akane stumbled onstage in a blond wig. She wore a beige blouse with a black over bodice and a full-length skirt. Dango dangled from her mouth.
“Princess Aurora had grown up into the most refined and elegant lady of the land. All the animals of the forest were awed by her grace and singing.”
Akane downed three dango off the stick in one bite. Sucked soy sauce off her fingers. Scratched her armpit. “Yeah, no.” Scowling, Akane pulled off her wig. “Ain’t singin’.”
“Well… guess she’s got a sore throat today, folks! Singing aside, anyone who’d lay eyes on her would fall in love. Because she’s a rad girl, yeah? Strong, independent, badass and, you know, all that other good stuff. Au—rawr—a, amiright? Hahaha! Anyway, the prince was conveniently nearby, so he heard her singing—uh, her chewing.”
Shoulders squared and cape flapping, Makoto strode onstage. He covertly kicked the baby head behind him, out of sight. Time to improvise, I guess… Gasping, Makoto put a hand to his chest. “Such a beautiful maiden… Have we met before? I feel as if we have, once upon a dream—”
“Hey, you!” Akane tossed the basket aside. Brow raised, she crossed her arms. “What’s a gross old dude doing watchin’ me? Hoping to cop a feel?”
“Wh-what?!” Face red, Makoto glanced at the audience. This play is meant to be family-friendly! “I just want to dance with you.” Singing, Makoto approached her, hand outstretched. “I know you, I met with you once upon a—”
Akane smacked Makoto’s hand away. “Told ya no feels.”
“I’m not!!” Huffing, Makoto shook his head. “I know I am a stranger, but already my heart is yours. Is there some way I can ingratiate myself to you or your kin?”
“How about cash?” asked Akane.
“H-huh?”
Akane picked an ear. “Bet if ya gave my pops, the king, some cash, he’ll think about it. Hell, I’d think about it. That’s why I joined this play in the first place.”
“Kaito bribed you?!” The audience burst into laughter.
“Well, yeah. Why else would I be in this fancy getup?” Grimacing, Akane scratched her side. “Man, this stupid costume is so friggin’ itchy!”
Rip.
Akane scratched so hard, her fingers tore through the fabric. “Huh. Might as well go all the way.”
“W-wait, no!”
Roaring, Akane ripped away the black over bodice. Tore off the end of her skirt. Pulled off her sleeves. Ripping off her collar left a generous view of cleavage. With her impromptu V-neck, midriff showing, and only tattered shreds covering her legs, Akane looked like a rag-wearing cavewoman. “Woo, much better!”
Makoto gaped. The audience silenced. Ibuki’s and Kokichi’s chewing crepes filled the gym.
“Want a dango?” asked Akane.
Makoto started. “You have another one? Where?”
Akane fished a dango stick from her bra. Held it up. Soy sauce gooped onto the stage.
Lips parted, Makoto shook his head back and forth a fraction. Wow. I haven’t been this sexually harassed in a while. Forgot how it feels.
Grinning, Akane thrust the dango at him. “Eat up, Maurice!”
“It’s Makoto! I-I mean Philip—I mean no! That’s disgusting.”
“Don’t be shy, Mark. You’re so small, you gotta eat!”
“I don’t want it! Not when it’s been in your—”
“But dango’s delish—”
“I said NO!”
Makoto shoved Akane’s hand back. Eyes wide, Akane clutched her chest with a pained gasp. Collapsed to the ground. Lay still.
Makoto blinked. “Huh?”
Opening an eye, Akane held up a bleeding finger. “I got pricked by the dango stick. Now I’m dead.”
Makoto smacked his forehead. “It’s a spinning wheel’s spindle!”
Sweating, Makoto glanced at the audience. Murmurs stirred through them. Ohhh, what do I do? In his heavy prince costume, Makoto felt the stage lights baking him. There’s supposed to be, like, three entire scenes before she falls asleep!
Well, I guess I can’t leave her like this. Grunting, Makoto picked up Akane’s form and laid her atop the large boulder center stage.
Over the speakers, Kaito’s voice echoed through the gym. “Whoa, what a twist, folks! Aurora fell victim to the curse because she was pricked by a dango stick. This is what happens if you eat dessert before meals, kiddies! Now Aurora is sleeping soundly.”
Akane started snoring. “Caaa shooo… Caaa shooo…”
“Silently.”
Exhaling loudly, Akane rolled her eyes. She turned to the side, back facing the audience, and curled up in a fetal position. After pulling out another dango from her bra, Akane munched on it. Scratched her backside.
Makoto’s eye twitched.
“Alas, how unfortunate!” Head bowed, Makoto balled his cape and held it in a fist to his chest. “How do I break this spell and awake her from her slumber? If only there was someone who knew.”
Ryoma entered. Glittery wings nearly half his height protruded from his back. The veil of a large cone hat formed a strap beneath his chin like a baby bonnet. His blue dress was so large on him it ballooned out like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. Grunting, Ryoma stumbled on the gown.
Makoto laughed.
Glaring, Ryoma snapped his head up. He bit off his candy cigarette. Ryoma approached center stage, crushing the cigarette butt along the way. Makoto gulped.
Brow raised, Ryoma looked down at the script. Spoke in a monotone voice. “What’s going on? Explain yourself…” He glanced up. Saw Akane with her clothes half-off. “Actually, don’t.”
Makoto’s face reddened. “She ripped them off, not me! But never mind that!” Lowering his voice, Makoto hissed, “What are you doing here, Ryoma? The fairies aren’t supposed to show up until the next scene!”
Ryoma stared Makoto dead in the eyes. Blinked. Tossed the script over his shoulder. “Whatever.”
“No, not whatever! There’s still hope we can salvage this! Where’s Ibuki? Ibuki is supposed to be one of the fairies, not you.”
Shrugging, Ryoma pulled out a cigarette from his pocket. Idly rolled it between his fingers. “Ibuki’s missing. She said she’d get crepes for us before the show but must have gotten lost or something.”
Clamping her face, Ibuki shouted from the audience. “GASP! I’M SUPPOSED TO BE ONSTAGE! IBUKI’S IN DEEP SHIT!”
Makoto held his head in his hands. This is a disaster.
“This is just as well, right?” asked Ryoma. “Better to skip a scene or three than waste more of everyone’s time. So to get the play done with faster, go to Maleficent’s castle and—”
A giant mechanical dragon erupted onstage and crushed a cardboard tree. Miu rode on its back. “Hey boys! Wanna play with my long snake?”
Makoto cried, “Ahhh! Not that fast! Not that fast! What the heck, Miu? What is that thing?! You were supposed to wear a dragon costume, not—”
Ryoma exhaled in relief. “Geez, best thing to happen to me all day. Now I can leave.” Popping a candy cig in his mouth, Ryoma waddled off stage.
“Wait, no, Ryoma! Don’t leave me!”
Face flushed, Miu hugged herself. “How long were you gonna make me wait for my grand entrance? Like fuck. You’re just blue-balling meee!” wailed Miu. The steel dragon raised its head and roared, flames spewing forth.
The audience screamed. Parents scooped up crying children and raced for the exits. Faculty guided students and families outside while calling for help on their phones.
Eyes wide, Makoto fell backwards. Sweat coated his pale face. “It can breathe fire, I’m gonna die, it can breathe fire, I’m gonna die…”
Panting bursts of fire, the dragon approached. The stage vibrated with every footfall. It had a low, thick body reminiscent of a komodo dragon. Long black horns protruded from its narrow head. Wings expanding, the dragon loomed over Makoto. Its slit eyes glowed red.
Miu grinned. “Feeling it heating up, or is it just me? After all, things are coming to a head!”
“Ah… ah…!” Breathing hard, Makoto scooted backwards on his behind. “I don’t wanna be roasted barbeque; someone, heeelp!!”
Akane leapt up from the boulder, standing between Makoto and the dragon. Drool and soy sauce covering her face, she had seven dango sticks in her mouth. “Hm mhthm nm pmthm!”
Kaito jumped through the control booth’s glass, haori flying, and landed into the audience. Yelping, they flinched back. “Our narrator, the true hero of the story…” Knee and fist to the floor, Kaito raised his head and grinned. “…joins the Smash Bros. battle!”
Makoto shouted, “This isn’t a game! Just what the heck are you guys doing?! You should be running for your lives, not—ah!”
Akane picked up Makoto and tossed him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Man, for a prince you sure are a weakling.”
Kaito joined Akane onstage, and they squared off against the dragon. “Yeah, move aside, Prince Philly Cheesesteak, and let the real heroes, the princess and the narrator, fight it out.”
Makoto flailed his legs. “That doesn’t even make any sense! You’re not seriously fighting—”
Drooling, Miu cupped her face. “Ahh…! My body is ready. Pound me with your meat, I mean, like a sack of meat.” The dragon bellowed. It echoed throughout the expansive, empty gym. Rows of foldout chairs lay scattered on the ground like bodies after a battle. Fists drawn back, Akane and Kaito charged.
Makoto screamed. “No, don’t, please! Put me down, put me doooooown!”