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10 of October, 2020
I'm the Doctor Kotobuki Awano, and this are the documents in wich I will collect all my experiences though my newest experiment, in wich I will be succesfully prove that there IS, life after death. And for proving my theory, I will use myself as a test subject.
I have been called ambitious, incredolous and all shorts of synonyms for crazy. But they haven't seen what I have. I'm certain that there isn't just another life after dying, but many. I'm talking about the possibility of alternative universes, that option humans have tried to discart due to it implying that we could break the space-temporal barrier that protects us, and maybe a war between worlds could be started, and we are far away from ready for it. This is the reason some scientists have tried to stop my experiments, implying that I could break that essencial tissue that keeps us safe, but what if I said that it has already been broken? That there is someone that has already been able to connect several worlds, and travelled trough it?
The remarkable scientists, Doctor Acca and Doctor Ura-Acca, the funding fathers of Japan Plati, the organization that gave me life, are the responible for this. This might come as really shocking, I'm sure that the first question that comes into everyone's mind is, why would two scientists of so much prestige hide something like that to the world?
Well, I will end up eventually finding out with my own experiments. But I suspect that they made a mistake of some kind and they are trying to hide it... But those are just assumptions.
-My first experiment will consist of lowering my pulsations slowly with a machine I created for this experiment especifically. With this, I will try to get as close as possible to an state of unconciousness, and eventually try to get as close to death as possible, as long as my way of coming back to life is secured. The people that will assist me in this experiment will be Dr. N, Dr. M, Dr. S and Dr. K. (I have censored their full names for their own security)
12 of October, 2020
My experiment resulted in nothing. It took me a day to recover from the weak state I put myself in. But I'm completely recovered now, even though, I'm still in the hospital, just in case I got worse again. I will be for sure leaving tomorrow.
This is absolutely not a reason to feel like a failiure, but a fuel for my curiosity.
Some people have asked me about why do I use myself as a test subject, if I know that I could die in the process, if I'm in my right state of mind to be valuing more my experiments than my own life.
And the answer is, what type of scientist would I be if I didnt know the risks of my own experiments?! Of course I know I could die! But that only makes it more and more interesting. Experiencing and witnessing the misteries of death that had been hidden for mankind for so long by myself... Isn't that just fascinating?
Also, I do value my investigations more than I value my own life, that's true, but, what is wrong with that abnormality anyway? It's not wrong to have different priorities than other people, and my reaserch is my first priority, since that is what I have been put on this earth to do. Or at least that is what I firmly believe.
I don't know when will my next experiment take place, but I hope I can get back to work soon.
15 of October, 2020
After performing my second experiment, two of my assistants have decided to leave the project,
Dr. N and Dr. K have stated that the experiments are getting too risky, and they don't want to have to do with anything that might happen from now on. I really can't blame them. The territories I'm exploring now are not for everyone to manage or comprehend, so all I could do was thank them for how much they had already helped me, and move on with my research.
My last experiment was far from being a failure. I didn't entirely succed, but I saw something, a field of flowers...I think I was getting close to that space-temporal tissue I mentioned before, its supposed to help you overcome the fear of death, and if my theory is right... Then when I die, I will re-appear in another universe.
My next experiment will be way more agressive than the one's I've been performing. This time I will get introduced into a capsule wich function is to perform euthanasia, if something goes wrong, I will never wake up. This time I only have one opportunity and one way back to my original world.
13 of October, 2021
I'm the Doctor Kotobuki Awano, well, not the Kotobuki Awano that has been writing here before.
Now... where should I start? Maybe when I was performing my last experiment, the moment where I travelled through dimensions. Inside of that capsule, I got transported again to that field of flowers, there was also a delicious smell... really honey-like. I felt like an insect waiting to be devoured by carnivorous plants. Some people call it 'the temptation of death', but it was more like my mind and body were being ducted by some... 'inocent sorrow'. I could not resist in any way. Then, when I woke up, I was already on a paralel universe to the one I used to live in. In this universe, my experiments have failed and I'm dead... And trapped inside of some bizzare world called: the wonder dream.
The wonder dream was meant for girls around the ages of 14-15 who had commited suicide, there they could get a second chance to live, if someone fought for them.
Apparently, the me of this universe had created an AI, a perfect human clone of my friend Airu Aonuma, this replica is called Neiru Aonuma. Her and the me of this universe had always been friends, always helped eachother, I always reminded her my motto 'always enjoy yourself and have lots of fun!'. In fact, when the alternative me was walking through that field of flowers and death, the first person she thought about was her, or so she says. But after her suicide, she had to deal with all the issues that the old Japan Plati members had created alone. One of them, was the own universe the alternative me was trapped in.
Neiru was trying to save her little sister, Airu, the one that not-so-long-ago had tried to kill her because she was too perfect and got terribly jealous. I mean, of course only someone like me could design such a perfect AI that humanity would envy it. But that's not the point, the thing is that I was able to watch how Neiru and the other me interacted because Tanabe-san had Neiru's dreams recorded.
My paralel me had trusted Neiru with her body. She told her to turn off the vital support that was keeping her body alive, after all, its just a vessel, and she didn't want adults messing with it under ANY circunstance. I don't trust adults, I dont understand them either, so it was better that way.
And she did, Neiru shut down the vital support that kept my body alive, putting an end to my other me's vegetative state.
Apart from that, there was something that caught my attention in that dream. The ''wonder girls'' or ''warriors of Eros'' were supposed to fight the egg girl's ''wonder killers'', that are reincarnations of their trauma, pontentially, the reason why this girls commited suicide. But I didn't commit because of a traumatic experience, so I was curious on what in the world could be my wonder killer. Well, I I did recognice him. My wonder killer was a doctor who had lost his post in the corporation I used to work in, because I stole his post. He got jealous and became OBSESSED with the idea of disecting me. Now that I think about it, that was really traumatic. He was insane, obsessing over a 14 year-old like a total creep... its not like it was my intention to make him loose his post! I clearly just deserved it more than him. If I would want anyone disecting my body, he would be the last person on the earth to ever do it.
My paralel me and Neiru defeated the wonder killer by solving a simple math problem together, because that guy thought we would never solve it, now I wonder, what part of 'we are child geniuses' did he not get? Anyway, my paralel me dissapeared a bit after, wich meant she would be gone for ever. Neiru had insisted multiple times that she would find the death statue and give my other me life again, but in the end, they both understood that it was better to just let it be, even if it was hard for Neiru to carry on by hersef. It feels like something I would do.
I'm currently living in Neiru's old house, where she used to live before the death of the me in this universe. Its quiet here. It really tells you a lot about the person that Neiru was. Truly alike to Airu, which I do know from my own universe.
I'm trying to recolect as much information as possible about the direct connection that Japan Plati and it's fundators have with all this caothic events that take place in the wonder dreams.
But for now I'm tired... and hungry. I feel like eating something sweet, maybe I'll buy a lollipop. Goodbye, for now.
20 of October, 2021
Today, for the first time I was visited by Neiru's old friends, Ai Ohto and Rika Kawaii. We watched the videos of Neiru's dreams together, and I explained all I had found out about Neiru, the other me, and a red-haired little girl called Frill. Who is Frill? Well, she is the creation of Acca and Ura-Acca, she was a failiure, not because her design wasnt right or anything, but because she was a way more complex of a creature than the fundators could understand or handle. She lost control, and now she has created a massacre of girs her age by inducing them into suicide, I have no idea about the true reasons why she went out of control, but I can deduct it by the interactions she had with Neiru in the dream.
When we finished the dream videos, I could sense two things: Ai's despair and Rika's fear of death. 'I'm leaving, I dont wanna risk my life over a machine.' That's what Rika said before leaving.
A machine, ha! What a bulgar way to put it. The problem is that I felt like Ai, deep down, shared that same thought too. I dont think I can really blame them, they are both scared and traumatised, they are looking for any excuse to stop being part of this madness, but by doing that, they are missing a crucial point:
Neiru is not a machine, or a robot, or a normal AI. She's a cloned AI, cloned from a human. Frill is the interpretation of a 14 year-old girl made by two middle aged men. Neiru is way more human than what Frill could ever dream to be. And she knows that. What Neiru is trying to do is get close to Frill in order to finally kill her, a little bit too ambitious, maybe she won't succed alone, she would need the help of those girls who think of her as a bulgar machine.
Is Neiru entirely human in words of technicisims? Nope. But the real question is, does that make her not worth of fighting for?
They are young, but I hope they will understand that, and come back.
2nd of March, 2021
I didn't have any news about Ai, or Rika in six months, absolutely nothing until today.
Apparently, Ai has came back by herself, probably lost all contact with Rika and that other girl Neiru mentioned once in her dream. They are both scared to die and think is not worth it to fight for someone who is 'not real'. I think that's the normal behaviour in 14-15 year-old girls that have been deeply traumatised in a universe they can't even fully understand, but, why did Ai come back then?
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she is, but is she really ready to go through everything again? For what I've seen she suffered a lot in the egg dreams because of her insecurities and suicidal thoughts, has she changed? Will she be able to do it all again when she doesn't have her friends here to support her?
Now that I think about it, to confront such a challenge for a person that left you without saying anything, you must really care for them. I think Ai might be in love with Neiru.
Will Ai come visit me again by herself or maybe I should tell Tanabe to bring her here? It's not like I can get out of this house, I'm technically dead, in fact I haven't got out of here in seven months. I kept on researching on my own and with a little help of Tanabe-san, but for what I sensed, she couldn't reveal everything she knew. But it doesn't matter, I can figure it out by myslef, and now that I heard that Ai is back, I hope she will be able to fill in those gaps.
I feel like this is just the beggining of something bigger, maybe it's the beggining of the end of Thanatos.