Chapter Text
It wasn’t the first time he’d been left out of things and it wouldn’t be the last, but he couldn't think of a single time it had ever hurt this much.
The only good thing to come of the evening was that Octavius had been able to wander off from his family's dinner unnoticed. Even better, he’d snagged a bottle of Firebrand wine from the kitchen on his way to the back porch. He didn’t drink often, or at all really, but if ever there was a good time for it…
There was a moment of guilt for having left Kaidan in there alone, but a few more sips from his bottle and hearing the frequent bursts of loud and lively laughter that drifted out through an open window nearby soon put that worry to bed.
Besides, he had known his family would love Kaidan. He had more in common with them than Octavius did.
Every single member of Octavius’s family was a prodigy. Every single one excelled at something; magic, fighting, politics. Every one of them, except Octavius. So of course Kaidan, with his unmatched skill in combat and his years spent crisscrossing the whole of Tamriel, would fit right in. They had stories. They had adventures to tell, techniques to compare, tips to share - that shared bond of having something that they were proud of.
And Octavius… well, didn’t.
Out of a family of extraordinary people, he had been a disappointment. They loved him, of course; he knew that. But sometimes the way they expected so little of him… hurt.
“Not that they’d ever say I was a disappointment,” he sighed out loud as he picked at some of the peeling paint on the stair railing next to him; he let it fall and watched as it dropped onto the step below him.
“What’s a disappointment?”
Octavius inhaled - mid sip of wine - and choked, breaking into a coughing fit.
“Sorry, love,” Kaidan chuckled as he shut the porch door softly behind him and then leaned back against it with a deep breath. “Mind if I join you? I don’t want to offend your family, but I just… need to get some air for a bit. Seems like maybe you had the same idea.”
“Oh,” Octavius said as he looked back at him, “I didn’t think you… I’m sorry, Kaidan, I should have asked if you wanted to come with me. It’s just you looked so comfortable in there with them and everything was going so perfectly and I think they positively adore you and I- it doesn’t matter.” He shook head, “I used to come out here all the time during family gatherings. I guess old habits die hard.”
“You used to come out here and drink whenever your family got together?” Kaidan asked as he started to walk across the small porch to Octavius.
“Well, the bottle of wine is new,” Octavius sighed. “But yes, I came out here pretty often. With the windows open, you can hear the laughter sometimes.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to be in there laughing with them though?” Kaidan asked, brow furrowed. “I realize I don’t have much room to talk since I’m also out here. But, you like all this people stuff. I didn’t realize you get overwhelmed in crowds too.”
“Only this one, specific crowd,” he corrected dryly.
Kaidan settled himself down on the next step up from Octavius, just behind him, and gently wraped his strong arms around the little Imperial as he rested a chin on his shoulder. “You all right, Tavi?”
“Yes,” Octavius answered, immediately following his response with another long drink from the bottle.
“Hmm. Y’know, I’m not sure I believe you,” Kaidan said and Octavius could almost hear the man’s smirk in his voice. “Did you want to talk about it?”
“No,” he replied, hoping that Kaidan wouldn’t push the issue. Oh how wrong he was.
Kaidan was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “Fine. S’pose I’ll just have to guess what’s bothering you then.”
“Nothing is bothering me.” he insisted.
“Is it because I fretted about this dinner all day yesterday, and then you had to spend half of last night trying to get me to come to bed?”
Octavius laughed at the memory, in spite of himself. “No. It was actually kind of adorable to see you get so worked up over a simple dinner. My big, strong warrior was reduced to an anxious rabbit at the thought of meeting my family,” he grinned, voice teasing.
“Hush,” Kaidan laughed with a touch of his lips against the back of Octavius’s ear. “Was I being too open with all our adventures and dragon slaying? I should’ve realized that kind of talk might make your family worry.”
“You’ve been perfect, Kaidan. Honest,” Octavius replied. He sighed, moving to relax against Kaidan’s chest. “It’s just… have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you’ll never measure up to someone?”
“Of a sort. It’s a bit of a struggle to be engaged to someone like you and not feel a little inadequate at times.”
Octavius laughed and smiled softly. “I’m being serious.”
“Me too, love. I’ve never known someone so willing to put their all into everything they do.”
“My ‘all’ isn’t very much compared to the things my family can do, compared to the things you can do. I am utterly incompetent.”
“Octavius. You’re the Dragonborn. There’s no one else in all of Nirn that can do what you do.”
“Yes, but as my family pointed out earlier, that might have been more of an accident. There might be other, better Dragonborns out there. I just happened to be the only one there at the time, so I got the dragon soul and got pulled into all this heroic prophecy stuff by accident.”
“Tavi…” Kaidan shifted to the side and leaned back a little so he could see the Imperial’s face, “is that really what you think?”
“It’s what they think. It’s not the first time it's been said.”
“Then I’m going back in to have a talk with them,” Kaidan frowned angrily, shifting as if to stand; Octavius panicked, grabbing hold of his wrists, keeping him there with his arms around him.
“Please don’t. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. Besides, it doesn't bother me.”
“It obviously does or you wouldn’t be sitting out here all alone and trying to drown yourself with an entire bottle of wine.”
“Please,” he said, softly, voice almost pleading.
“Fine.” Kaidan huffed. “But you’re not Dragonborn by accident despite what your family might say. Even if there’s others out there that might be able to take a dragon’s soul… where are they? You’re the only one that was there trying to do the right thing. I would’ve laughed in that Jarl’s face if he’d have asked me to fight a dragon. But you, my Gods Tavi, if there’s a braver man than you, I don’t know ‘em. There’s times I want to beg you to think of yourself first with the way you keep throwing yourself into dangerous situations to help others.”
“I think ‘brave’ is going a little far. In fact, I’m fairly certain I had a panic attack during our last bounty to clear out that lair of vampires.”
“You can’t be brave without being afraid, Tavi. You didn’t run; that’s something.”
“I probably should have. Half the time you probably don’t even need me along.”
“You think I could do this stuff on my own?” he asked, incredulous. “The only reason I charge headlong into battles is because I know you won’t let me fall. There’s not a hurt of mine you’re not skilled enough to fix, and I know for certain you’ll always have my back. You are brave, love, and I’m a better, braver man for having you in my life.”
Octavius looked down at the steps again, swallowing, before raising his head up to the sky. He sniffed, cursing himself silently.
“Oh, sweetheart, hey…” Kaidan didn’t finish, suddenly pulling Octavius back into a hug. “I’m sorry, love, I just- you know I’m not good at this stuff. I didn’t mean to make you…”
“I just really, really like this wine,” Octavius sniffed again as he set the bottle down and turned, snuggling into the arms of his fiancé and burying his face against his shoulder.
“The wine, eh?” Kaidan asked, relaxing again, but not letting go.
“And you,” he murmured, as he melted into Kaidan’s warm embrace. “I really, really like you too.”
“Probably a good thing. Since we’ll be married soon and all,” Kaidan chuckled and nuzzled against his neck, earning a content sound. “For the record, I really like you too, Tavi. And I love you, more than anything.”