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Love. Was love something you even deserved? As an S-Ranked Criminal, an Akatsuki member to boot, you had accepted when your life took the first turn into this life that you did not deserve to be loved by another. Though you had been a criminal, someone that was forsaken by your village, you still grew close to others.
In namesake, you may have grown too close. Officially, you could admit to yourself that you had taken your cold heart and started it up once more. You could go as far to say that you became amorous with the artistic blonde man.
Why you could not snap yourself out of your thoughts was driving you crazy, and yet, you sat upon the leather couch with your head in your hands. Other members of this elite group of criminals had come and go through the living room within this time, some with varying responses to your silence.
You had every right to be stricken by your thoughts, your heart torn to shreds beneath your criminal exterior. As you watched the one person you could not tell the simplest words to become the art that he created, you were left alone in this life. Your partners were both gone, and you were left useless.
Those blue eyes filled your mind, the way they would stare upon you with such vigor as the two of you spoke. As you sat upon the leather chair, you mused if just maybe the blonde had felt the same way that you did. You placed so much ardor in everything you did, and it was not reaching to think that maybe the man picked up on your passion. It was not something to completely shove to the back of your mind that he could have had some sort of adoration towards you as well.
Though you spared your thoughts when Sasori met his end, it was the blonde that broke you. You should have been feared, and yet if anyone tried in this moment, you would allow whatever fate to befall you. Every one of the S-Ranked criminals you resided with knew this, and even if Hidan had been tempted, they all left you be with your thoughts.
You wondered how obvious your affections had been to the blonde man. Did he know how you felt before he met his explosive end? It was a question that you would never be able to answer.
Your affections towards the man were obvious to everyone who had come in contact with the two of you, though. It was mused once or twice that the two of you had already been together, simply doing a failure job at hiding it from the rest of the group. Never did they speak of it aloud to you, though. S-Ranked criminals were not a little classic party with love and joy, after all. Pein and Konan was speculated, but despite the loud mouth Jashinist, who was to question a God?
It had been after you lost the two that you could even admit it to yourself. You had yet to get to the point of crying it out, as tears were merely weakness. Knowing that, though, you wished you could simply cry into the arms of your blonde. No matter if you could admit your emotions to him or not, it was feasibly fine for your to mourn death.
You had not taken the opportunity to cry in the blonde's arms as the two of you lost your other partner. Sasori received no tears shed from your y/e/c eyes. If you had known that you would lose your blonde, you would have heaved heavy droplets in the comfort of his embrace.
Regret was something you normally would hold no time for, but in this moment, you could regret it all. Time was no object as you were left in your mind on the leather couch, thinking of all that could have been. Maybe if you had simply threw your thoughts into the wind, your blonde would have captured them before capturing your lips.
You mused yourself to bemusement, wondering why your blonde decided that art was a bang. Your other partner believed in art being eternal, yet you lost both parties, so maybe that simple notion would not have saved your blonde. The explosion that took him truly solidified his ideology, though.
Art was truly a bang, and you fell in love with art. You fell head over heels for the blonde man. He was the astonishing masterpiece you adored.
Breaking back from your thoughts, you found yourself back upon the couch, the world in view. No matter how many of your cohorts passed through the living room, no one stayed to help you. No one cared nearly as much about either of your partners as you had, especially for your blonde.
Lips parted dully, your hoarse voice murmuring, "Deidara." It was unknown to you how long you were sitting upon that leather couch in your thoughts.
A few moments after you were brought into reality, you could feel a difference in your surroundings. The air felt visibly stale, but that was not the only thing that had you bemused. Stale air had somehow thrown a chill to your cheeks.
Touching a gentle hand to your face, you felt the moisture that you thought you would not spill from your y/e/c eyes. Swallowing dryly, you pushed the moisture from your face before you stood to your feet. As much as you wanted to sit and reminisce about how you should have been the one to sacrifice themselves than your blonde haired partner, sitting in reflection would do nothing.
Cursing yourself for falling in love, you knew in this moment that you were as useful to the Akatsuki as your two passed cohorts. Leaving the room to ready yourself, you tried to push your heart as far down as you possibly could. It was time to push through the world on your own once more.