Archive of Our Own

Hikage covered his mouth as he suppressed a yawn. Watching Banjo rawdog the air with his large mouth was starting to get to him. 

“Sorry about everything,” Yagi said.

“No, it’s fine, really,” Yoichi responded. “There’s no way you could’ve seen anything like this coming. I don’t expect you to have had a plan.”

Yagi had a grateful expression, and he ended up suppressing a yawn of his own. The group has been up for hours trying to figure out what happened. It was especially hard since Midoriya couldn’t be there, but he was constantly on the phone with Yagi, though currently, he was asleep. They also had to figure out how to further fabricate their lie about them being Yagi’s pro-hero friends who are currently visiting to help out with students’ training. 

It was tiring work to say the least. 

Looking out the window, Hikage could see the newly darkened sky, partially covered by clouds, although the moon avoided the clouds and shone as bright as it could in its lopsided state.

“It feels like we didn’t get anything figured out,” Shimura said.

“What is there to figure out?” En asked. “Honestly, there’s a lot of things that Quirks can’t do, and raising people from the dead isn’t one of them.”

“Quirks?” Yoichi asked, tilting his head.

“Like One for All or smokescreen,” En replied.

“You mean Meta Abilities,” Second said.

“Oh, they’re called Quirks now,” En said.

“When did that happen?” Third asked.

“A while ago.”

“That’s dumb,” Third said. “I like Meta Abilities better.”

“Everyone calls them Quirks, though,” Yagi said. “You should call them that too so you fit in.”

“I think I’m going to stick with Meta Ability. Quirk sounds really stupid,” Second said. “Right, Yoichi?”

“Honestly, yeah. It sounds kinda dumb,” Yoichi agreed.

Yagi sighed. “Here’s the thing, we’re at a highschool full of teenagers. I can assure you that if you call them Meta Abilities you will be humbled very quickly.”

“I agree. Teenagers are very brutal. My source is that I used to be one,” Banjo said. 

“Yeah, and I trained Toshinori when he was in school. Some of his classmates were, pardon my French, cunts,” Shimura said.

“Thank you for your input…” Yagi said. “They were nice to me, at least.”

“Yeah, but they didn’t show the same support to everyone. I really wanted to punch some of those kids. Kick ‘em off their high horses, y’know? Maybe they were the ones who needed to be humbled.”

“I agree. I like to punch people,” Third said.

“What were we talking about before?” Hikage asked before the conversation could become worse.

“No clue,” Yoichi said. “I think we’re all tired.”

“True,” Yagi said. “I’ll talk to the principal about getting your sleeping situations figured out.” He stood up, and the rest followed suit. They were currently in the staff room at U.A. while Principal Nezu was in his office making calls. They left the room and walked through the quiet halls of U.A. in silence save for Yagi. Hikage took in every sight he could. Normally, it wouldn’t seem interesting, but he spent almost two decades alone in a forest, and he spent his remaining time in a hospital, so he didn’t get much of a chance to see really anything else. 

He could feel Banjo’s stare on the back of his neck, though he elected to ignore it. There wasn’t any point in calling him on it and getting made fun of for thinking that doors and walls looked cool. (Hikage also didn’t feel like reminding him that he spent the beginning portion of his life trying to survive the apocalypse, so clean walls was quite the luxury then).

“Great, thank you,” Yagi said before pocketing his phone. “He’s just finishing up in his office. We can head back to the staff dorms now. We’ll be able to rest soon.”

“That’s good to hear,” En said.

“So, tell us again how everything is set up,” Second said.

“Whaddya mean?” Yagi asked. “Well, each class has its own dorm building, and so does the staff, if that’s what you mean.”

“What else would I mean?” Second asked.

“I don’t know,” Yagi said. 

“How many rooms are open in the staff dorms ‘cause I make strange sleep noises, ‘n I don’t think anyone wants to hear that,” Banjo said. 

“What do you mean by ‘strange sleep noises’?” Yagi asked hesitantly.

“It’s fine,” En said.

“Don’t worry about it,” Hikage added.

Yagi just stared at them.

“My mom had me exercised,” Banjo said proudly for some reason.

“...Anyway,” Shimura started. “Will there be enough rooms?”

“I’m not sure,” Yagi admitted. “I’ll check when we get to the dorms.”

“I can sleep outside,” Hikage said, raising his hand halfway.

“No,” Yagi said. 

“Why not?” Hikage asked.

“Because that’s dumb.”

“I’m used to it, though. I know how to be smart when sleeping outside,” he continued.

Yagi sighed. “Let’s just wait to discuss this until the short time skip where we end up at the dorms.”

“Fine,” Hikage muttered.

“Damn, that was fast,” Banjo said. 

“Yeah, it’s called a time skip, dumbass,” Yoichi said. “Sorry, that was mean. I’m tired, and I may or may not be hallucinating my brother, so I may or may not be frothing with blind rage right now.”

“Yoichi, we’ve talked about this,” Second said gently. 

“I’m going to claw your eyes out ceremoniously.”

Taking a step back, Hikage turned his attention to Yagi who was waiting patiently for Nezu to return from his office. 

“What’s taking him so long?” Shimura asked.

“I don’t know,” Yagi said.

Right after he said that, they heard a strange sound followed by music. Everyone began looking around for the source of the sound, and soon enough they found Nezu being raised up from a hole in the ground by robots. Hikage stood in awe at the sight, wondering where the music was coming from. He didn’t see any instruments, but the music wasn’t coming from anywhere else, so they couldn’t be hidden elsewhere in the room.

“I apologize for the wait. I was trying out my new form of transportation around campus. I think the music might be a bit much, though,” Nezu said as the robots disappeared underground again.
“Where was the music coming from?” Hikage asked.

“I had a set of speakers attached to the side of my chair,” Nezu responded. 

Hikage raised a non-existant eyebrow. “Speaker?”
“Oh dear, you’re dumb, aren’t you?” Nezu asked. “Let’s just get your rooms set up, shall we?”

Hikage didn’t even notice Yagi wander off, but he was walking back into the area with some weird board. It was white and had Nezu’s face in the top right corner. On the board were different floor plans showing who slept where.

“All Might will be showing you where the available rooms are because I am simply too short,” Nezu said. “Unfortunately, Eraserhead isn’t here, and I cannot curl up in his capture scarf.” He and Yagi held eye contact for an uncomfortable four seconds. “You’re supposed to suggest we wake him up.”

“No because that’s a stupid idea, actually,” Yagi said, turning back to the board. “Anyway, here are the rooms. There’s a lot of free rooms because they just stuck to the same building plans as the students’ dorms when building this, and there are less of us. Because of this, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to sleep outside.”

“I can still do that though,” Hikage whispered.

“Shinomori, buddy,” Banjo said, putting his hand on Hikage’s shoulder. “Shut up, please, oh my god.”

“Damn, so that means that none of us get to share a bed?” Yoichi asked.

“No,” Yagi said.

“Well, what if I’m too scared to sleep alone, and I need these two with me every night,” he said, pulling Second and Third close.

“Something tells me that you aren’t being entirely truthful and that this will require us to buy condoms, so no,” Yagi said. Yoichi frowned in disappointment. “Does anyone have any more complaints or questions? Let’s just get them all out now, so I can dismiss them, and we can be done with this.”

After looking back and forth between each other and shrugging a bunch, the One for All users unanimously decided that they had no more complaints.

“Great,” Yagi said. “Before we choose rooms, though, I will warn you that the room next to Snipe is open, but Vlad King is on his other side, and he complains that he plays his music too loud, so keep that in mind.” 

“I vote En sleep next to him,” Banjo said.

“I vote Banjo get his penis cut off and sewn to his forehead like a flaccid unicorn,” En retorted.

“Fuck it, I’m choosing your rooms,” Yagi said. He turned around and started writing stuff on the board. “There. This is your sleeping assignment. Now, let’s go to sleep, so I can get my precious four hours to prepare for another day of slaving away at my underpaid job where I teach heroics to sweaty teenagers who don’t know how to shower.”

Next to him, Nezu laughed. “Oh, All Might, you’re funny. Underpaid? You’re getting paid what you deserve as a human.”

Due to this scene dragging on, the author has elected to cut it short and add a time skip to the morning. Huzzah.

“Good morning everyone,” Nezu said.

“Good morning, principal,” everyone said back.

“Hm? I don’t think I heard everyone there,” Nezu said. “Who didn’t speak?” Saying this, he held up a remote. The teachers looked around at each other frantically.

Slowly, the one wearing a strang suit that covered their whole body raised their hand. “I’m sorry. I was yawning so I couldn’t speak. Good morning, Principal Nezu!”

Nezu sighed and lowered his remote. “I’ll let you off the hook this time, Thirteen because you apologized right away, but there shant be another mistake like this again.”

“Y-yes sir,” Thirteen said.

“Okay, now that everyone is here, we can get started!” Nezu said, quickly getting started introducing everyone with their fully refined lie. This group seems stupider than that Aizawa SOB, so no one seems suspicious. Hikage let out a relieved sigh. I love stupid people, he thought to himself while glancing at Banjo.

Once their introductions were over, the teachers got busy getting ready for their work, and thus the Vestiges congregated in a corner of the room. “I think that went well,” Yoichi said.

“Yeah,” Shimura replied. “Definitely lifted a weight off my shoulders. I was stressed that they’d be as suspicious as Aizawa.”

“To be fair they are minor characters,” Yagi said. 

“I thought they were adults?” Banjo asked.

Next to him, Third took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. He then put his hand on Hikage’s shoulder and said, “What a bold decision.”

“Whatever, now let’s go over-” Yagi started.

Like magic, he was interrupted out of nowhere. “All Might,” Aizawa said.

“Aizawa!” Yagi said as he coughed up blood in surprise.

“Oh fun,” Yoichi said as he stared at the blood on the floor.

“I know that your friends are here, but you still have classes to teach today.”

“Yes, I know. I’ll get right on that, but-”

“You better hurry,” Aizawa interrupted again. “You’ve been slacking lately.”

“Sorry,” Yagi said, embarrassed. He rubbed his neck, obviously looking for a way out. Luckily, Second’s confused expression seemed to be the answer.

“Um, I have a question,” he said.

“What is it?” Yagi asked.

“Why is there a child here?”

Hikage looked down and lo and behold there was a little girl standing behind Aizawa’s leg. She had long, wavy hair and a horn on her head, and it was the most terrifying sight to Hikage. Taking a step back, Hikage examined everyone else’s expressions. Most were confused save for Shimura who seemed delighted. She crouched down and held her hand out. “Hello, my name is Nana,” she said. “What’s your name?”

The little girl gripped Aizawa’s pants and hid further behind him. He sighed and turned. “It’s okay,” he cooed, resting his hand on her head. “They’re not going to hurt you; they’re friends of All Might.”

She gave one more look to Aizawa before turning back to Shimura. “I’m Eri,” she said.

“Hello, Eri,” Shimura said. “It’s nice to meet you. How old are you?”

Hikage didn’t hear what her response was, luckily because Third leaned in and asked, “Why is she here?”

“She was rescued from villains by a group of heroes including Aizawa and some students from U.A.,” Yagi replied. “Her Quirk is dangerous-”
“Meta Ability,” Third whispered.

Yagi stared at him for a few seconds before continuing, “As I was saying, her Quirk is dangerous, and she doesn’t know how to control it, so she’s staying here so Aizawa can help keep it in check.”

“Define ‘dangerous,’ “ Hikage said.

“Oh, I mean-” Yagi started. “Why are you shaking?” In an instant, all eyes were on him. 

“Shinomori,” En said.

“Yes?” Hikage responded.

“Are you—and I want you to answer this honestly—scared of a six-year-old girl?”

Clearing his throat, Hikage stared at the wall, refusing to make eye contact lest he die of embarrassment. Maybe I can run away to a forest again and live out the rest of my days alone where no one can bully me for my totally valid fear of human children.

“Answer the question so I can accurately insult you,” said En.

Reluctantly, Shinomori turned to look back at the group. Everyone seemed unimpressed besides Eri who seemed confused. She was looking up at Aizawa as if she was waiting for an answer to a question. Aizawa looked as if he was aching to punch Hikage in the dick. 

Hikage sighed and put his hands together. “Well,” he started, “I think that this could potentially be a learning experience. We’ve all had different lives, different upbringings, experiences. I’ve had a different journey that brought me here, and-”

“Are you scared of children?” Second interrupted.

“They have no moral compasses,” Hikage said. “They don’t care about anything—they destroy everything in sight with no remorse. All they do is scream and cry and shit everywhere. I feel like my aversion is valid.”

“Well, she’s six,” Aizawa said. “What you described is a baby.”

“You’re scared of babies?” Yagi asked.

“Literal infants,” En added.

“I think you’re the bold one,” said Second to Third. 

“You’re telling me,” he replied.

“I can’t defend you on this one, bud,” Banjo said. “Yer on yer own here, and if I’m being honest, I will point and laugh at the first opportunity.”

“You’re that fucking tall, and you’re scared of a six-year-old,” Aizawa said, covering Eri’s ears.

“I’m not scared,” Hikage huffed. “I said I was averse. There’s a difference.”

“You know what?” Aizawa asked, running his hand through his hair. “I totally get it.”

“Thank you,” Hikage said, sighing.

Crack!

“Children can be brutal sometimes. I mean, I know I was when I was a kid. I would absolutely be scared of children if I was dressed like that.” 

“Huh?” Shinomori asked. How’d he set off danger sense?

Next to him, the group exploded. Banjo and En lost their minds; Hikage didn’t even bother trying to decipher what they were saying to protect his self-esteem. Yagi was currently coughing up blood in surprise, Shimura was on the floor dying of laughter, and even the ever-stoic Second and Third were trying not to laugh. 

“Absolutely decimated, bro,” Yoichi said, placing a hand on Hikage’s arm. 

“Aizawa!” Yagi exclaimed. 

“What was the point?” Hikage asked.

“Yeah, you’re dressed like that, and you think you can comment on his choice of fashion? Not that I’m defending him,” Banjo said. “I’ve always been too scared to say anything.”

Aizawa held up two fingers. “Two things: one, I do not care about my appearance, and two, I search for every possible opportunity to insult other people to bring even an ounce of joy into the absolute rotting pile of nomu excrement that is my life. Also,” he said, covering Eri’s ears again, “my father did not raise a little bitch who’s scared of babies, so you kind of had it coming anyway.” He removed his hands and bent town to take one of Eri’s into his own. She looked back as they started walking away. 

“Will we see Deku?” she asked.

“No,” Aizawa responded in a voice too gentle for a man who just committed first degree murder. “He has class today.”

“What about Lemillion?”

“We’re going to teach you about this thing called ‘delayed gratification,’ ” was the last thing they heard before they got too far away. Hikage didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity as he ignored all of his surroundings. Eventually, this became too much for the other vestiges, apparently, because Banjo ended up punching him in the face.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do it that hard,” he said. “I’m sorry again, I lied. Midoriya’s convulsive lying must’ve rubbed off on me. I thought it’d be funny, but now there’s a bruise on yer face.”

“You know, I think you would look wonderful as a flaccid unicorn,” Hikage said, irritated. Damn, I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t even notice danger sense going off. He turned to Yagi. “Why does Aizawa hate us—me—so much?”
“No fuckin’ clue,” Yagi said. “He’s also very mean to me, but I think that’s how he shows affection.”

“Affection?” Yoichi asked.

“That’s how he acts with Mic, and they’ve been friends forever.”

“I think his friends need new friends,” Shimura said. 

Yagi sighed. “Well, you should all meet up with the principal in his office. I have to get ready for class. I really don’t want Aizawa to rip into me now that he’s all warmed up…”

“Sorry, I’ll try to be less easy next time,” Hikage said sarcastically. 

“Maybe once you get over your phobia of toddlers, you’ll be safe,” En said.

“Where did this even come from?” Third asked. “How many children are just wandering into forests destroying shit that you suddenly hate them all?” 

Fortunately for Hikage, a loud sound started blaring from Yagi’s pocket. It sounded like him repeatedly saying “ A phone call is here!”

“Toshinori, what the fuck is that?” Shimura asked.

“I need to go!” he said as he ran away. “Talk to the principal!”

“I don’t see why this is necessary,” Hikage said.

“Well, it’s very important to me that you all get along with Eri, so you have to get over your fear,” Midoriya said.

I can’t argue with that. Actually, I can. I’m an adult. “What if I don’t want to?”
Midoriya sighed. “Eri is more mature than you, and we just started this conversation.”

“What’s your problem anyway?” Shimura asked.

“What’s my problem?” Hikage asked. “You know what we should be asking instead? What’s Aizawa’s problem?”

“Oh! All Might told me about what he said. That sounded brutal,” Midoriya said.

Hikage stopped in his tracks. “Why’d he tell you?”

“To humble you, let’s go,” Midoriya said. 

Soon enough, they entered the room containing the nightmare incarnate herself along with two teenagers. The blond one looked as if he was going to try and sell him kitchen appliances and not take no for an answer, and the other reminded Hikage of himself—one panic attack away from buying a one-way plane ticket to Denmark and taking a nice, permanent soak in a bog.

“Oh, there you are Midoriya!” the kitchen appliance salesman said.

“Togata, thank you for doing this!” Midoriya said. “I’d like you to meet two of All Might’s friends. They’re here to help out at U.A.”

“Oh? How so?” he asked with a smile.

Creepy…

“That’s classified,” Shimura said with a smile.

That totally came out of her ass, Hikage thought. He could tell by the way that her smile faltered. Fortunately, the salesman took that answer without question.

“This is Togata and Amajiki. They're in their third year here at U.A.,” Midoriya said. “They’re a part of a group called the Big Three, meaning they’re some of the strongest students at U.A.”

“That’s incredible,” Shimura said. “You’ll make fine heroes.”

“Thanks!” Togata said. “Now, let’s get to it, then, right?”

“Mhm!” Midoriya said. Eri looked out from behind Togata, seemingly unsure of if she should approach Hikage or not. With enough coaxing, Togata and Midoriya were able to get her to stand out on her own. Shimura and Hikage sat down, their massive heights caused the little girl to crane her neck, and it hopefully made them seem less intimidating.

“So, we got off on the wrong foot this morning, so we’re going to try this again,” Shimura said. “I’m sorry if you got freaked out earlier. My friend here doesn’t know any other kids, so he’s a little awkward.” She looked at Hikage. “Go on,” she whispered.

Surprised, he said, “Oh, uh I apologize.”

“It’s okay,” Eri said.

Shimura sighed in relief. She looked up at Hikage again. “Introduce yourself.” He stared at her for a few seconds before looking back at Eri. He opened his mouth, but right before he was able to speak, Shimura interrupted. “Like, say your name. My name is Nana. Like that.” Hikage raised an eyebrow. “You’d be too formal if I didn’t say anything,” she whispered. 

Fair enough , he thought.

“My name is Hikage,” he said. He looked back at Shimura who gave him another encouraging look. “It’s nice to meet you?”

“What do you say back to him, Eri?” Togata asked. “He said it’s nice to meet you.” Eri just stared at him. “You say ‘it’s nice to meet you too.’ ”

She turned back to Hikage. “It’s nice to meet you too,” she said. 

“Great,” he said. He leaned into Shimura. “Is that it?”

“No,” she replied. “She might want to talk.”

“About what?”

“Um,” Eri started. They turned to look at her. “What happened to you?” As she said this, she pointed to her face, the same side that held Hikage’s own scars. He brought his hands to his face and thought. How would I explain aging to a child? She’s six. I may not understand children’s milestones, but I doubt she really grasps this concept yet. Wait, no, I couldn’t tell her the truth anyway. That would mean giving away the secret that is One for All. What should I do? What should I say?

He glanced at Shimura and then up to Midoriya. Both held serious expressions as if they knew his predicament. He even looked over at Togata who looked like he was waiting for an answer, and then there was Amajiki who, despite his wary disposition, had a very intense expression. Lastly, he looked at Eri who mainly looked confused. Midoriya told me the details about what she’s been through. She’d be able to grasp what I’ve been through, I think. I think I can dumb it down enough for her, I just need to- 

He turned to Shimura. She must’ve read his mind because she shook her head. He slumped his shoulders and looked back at Eri. She just seemed frustrated now. Shit. I need to be quick. Without thinking, Hikage opened his mouth and spoke.

“I fought a bear,” he said. Next to him, Shimura suppressed a laugh, and behind Eri, Midoriya and Togata had big smiles on their faces. He even managed to make Amajiki smile.

“Really?” Eri asked.

“Yeah,” Hikage continued. “I spend a lot of my time in the forest, and there are animals there, but sometimes they aren’t that nice, so he gave me these scars.”

“Oh,” she said. She thought for a moment and then said, “Is the bear okay?”

She’s worried about the bear? Seriously? Fortunately, despite being thrown off so much, Hikage was able to not lose his composure. “What?” he asked.

“Is the bear okay?” she repeated, worried.

He glanced at Shimura. “Yes,” he said. “We’re friends now.”

Eri let out a relieved breath. “That’s good,” she said.

“That’s Eri for ya,” Togata said. “She’s so sweet you’ll get cavities just talking to her.”

“Huh?” she asked, turning around. “What does that mean?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Midoriya responded. “Well, I should really be heading back to the dorms now. Iida’s still pretty peeved that I was gone for so long even though it wasn’t my fault.” He emphasized the last words while looking intently at Hikage and Shimura. They just shrugged and stood up. 

They said their goodbyes, and off they went. They weren’t allowed to wander the campus, so Shimura and Hikage were simply going to walk Midoriya to the doors of the staff dorms. 

“That went well,” Shimura said. “Did you get over your fear?”

“Not fear. Aversion. And yes. I found it strange that she was worried for the bear, though,” he said. “I mean, it gave me these scars, didn’t it?”

“Well, your face isn’t much to look at anyway,” Midoriya said.

“Why is everyone deciding to go after me today?” Hikage asked.

“It’s the latest trend,” Shimura said. “Don’t worry, I suspect that Banjo will be the next victim. He just gives off that vibe.”

“Vibe? What does that mean?” Hikage asked.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Shimura said.

Hikage rolled his eyes, too tired to care about whatever the fuck she’s talking about. 

“Thank you, Midoriya,” Shimura said. “For helping my friend stop being a pussy.”

“It’s what I do,” he said. They smiled, and he left, and Hikage decided that was going to look into day drinking.

“Have you seen Yagi?” Hikage asked as he exited the stairwell.

“Hm? No,” Shimura said as she exited the elevator (Hikage just couldn’t get the hang of them).

“Damn,” Hikage said. “I need to ask him how to work the shower.”

En snorted. “You don’t know how to work a shower? That explains many things.”

Third sighed right behind him. “En, do you know how long ago we were alive? Also, do you know how hard All for One made normal life back then? No? Stop being such a little prick. Remember, you’re small, Shinomori can squash you like a bug from down there.”

Hikage smiled. “Finally, someone’s willing to defend me.”

“The fact that you have to say that is pretty telling,” En said.

“Choke on my penis,” Hikage said. “It’s bigger than your whole body.”
En glared at him. “And why don’t you-”

“Quiet!” Shimura said. “Eri’s in the kitchen. I don’t want her to hear us threatening each other with our reproductive organs.”

“I doubt it’s that big,” En whispered. 

“Maybe you’re just small,” Hikage whispered back.

As they were nearing the kitchen to get their own meals to start the day, they were assaulted by a cloud of smoke (this time not courtesy of En).

“What the hell?” Shimura asked, covering her mouth.

“Shit!” they heard Aizawa mutter. “What the hell are you doing in here?” he asked, turning to the vestige quartet.

“Getting food,” Third replied.

“Well, you can starve for a few more minutes,” Aizawa said as he tried getting the smoke under control. It was coming from the pan he was holding in his hand, and a light clicked on in Hikage’s mind.

“Did you burn your fucking food?” he asked.

“Language!” Shimura said.

“I said go away,” Aizawa said through gritted teeth.

“You can’t cook, can you?” Hikage asked. “You market yourself as such a stoic, badass guy, but you just set fire to eggs.”

“That’s not even the first time,” En said. “Look in the garbage.”

“I said leave,” Aizawa said, this time with his quirk activated.

Hikage smiled again. I’m gonna milk the shit out of this. “They put you in charge of an entire human being, but you can’t even make eggs? How sad.” Aizawa said nothing, but Hikage could tell he was already planning ways to kill him, even without danger sense. “You know, I spent years living by myself in a forest so I have extensive experience in hunting and cooking my own food.” Hikage smiled smugly, glad to finally be enacting revenge on Shouta “I’m going to commit atrocities on some random guy I’ve known for less than twelve hours” Aizawa. “How many animals have you caught with your bare hands, huh? And how many of them have you cooked yoursel-”

Suddenly, Aizawa shot forward and swung his pan right at Hikage’s head, causing eggs to fly everywhere. He had his quirk activated, but even without danger sense, Hikage was able to dodge and even grab Shimura and Third to pull them out of the way, too. Without missing a beat, Aizawa brought the pan back over his head and was about to strike him from above. Shit, Hikage thought. He’s too fast. I’m not ready. He braced himself, but right before the pan was about to hit him, they heard a yell coming from behind Aizawa.

“Stop!” Eri yelled. Aizawa complied, and he averted the pan’s course, narrowly missing Hikage’s head while failing to activate danger sense. He felt uneasy when he could still feel the heat radiating off the pan. Aizawa deactivated his quirk without bothering to look at his attempted victims, favoring turning to Eri first. “What the fuck?” she asked in a delicate voice.

The whole group froze.

“Excuse me?” Aizawa asked.

“Why are you being so mean to them? They didn’t do anything wrong,” Eri said. “They’re Deku’s friends, so they’re nice.”

“I,” Aizawa said. “You can’t say that word. Where did you hear it?”

“Are you serious?” Shimura asked.

“Really?” Eri asked. “I’m just gonna eat my apple sauce with Miss Art. This is ridiculous.” With that, she was gone. Aizawa said nothing, he just stood in awe at her as she left with an applesauce pouch in hand, seemingly complaining to herself.

“What the actual shit just happened?” En asked.

“I’m going to kill you if you say one more sentence,” Aizawa said as he cleaned up his mess, still avoiding eye contact.

Shimura sighed. “If I’m being completely honest, she probably learned that word from you.”

“I cover her ears when I swear,” Aizawa said.

“Probably not good enough, then,” En said.

“What did I say?” Aizawa asked, finally looking at him.

“Oh, so that only applies to me?” En asked, offended. Aizawa kicked him in the shin for this.

“Get his ass,” Hikage whispered to himself.

“I heard that,” En growled.

“From down there?” Hikage asked.

“You should really say sorry to her,” Shimura said. “You did fuck up.”

“How so?”

“By hurting her friends,” she replied. Aizawa scoffed. “We’re Midoriya’s friends by association, so we should have immunity. What she says goes, I’d say, and she doesn’t think you should continue trying your hardest to be the most unpleasant person in the room.”

“I enjoy winning, though,” Aizawa said. 

“You’re a bad influence,” Shimura said, crossing her arms.

Aizawa set the pan down harshly. “You think I’m a bad influence? My dad taught me how to siphon gas when I was eleven.”

Shimura’s eyes widened. “I-wha-siphon-eleven? Why?”

Aizawa sighed. “ ‘Cause he was bored, and I ‘looked like I needed it.’ Whatever the hell that means.”

“What does ‘siphon gas’ mean?” Hikage asked.

Third rolled his eyes. “If you ask what something is one more time, I will feed you to an actual bear.”

“I’ll siphon your gas, or whatever,” Hikage said, offended.

“I vote we don’t explain what anything is to Shinomori, because that was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard,” En said, raising his hand.

“What does it mean?” Hikage asked.

“Hey, you can put your knowledge to use and show him,” Shimura said, nudging Aizawa with her elbow. He threw the pan into the sink and the burnt eggs in his hands into the garbage without a word and walked away, leaving the rest scattered throughout the kitchen. “Or not.”

“Well?” Hikage asked.

Third rubbed his face. “It’s when you steal the gas out of someone’s car.”

“Cool, that still means nothing to me,” Hikage said.

“Well, this entire conversation was counterproductive,” En said.

“Yeah, well, I’ll just starve,” Third said, walking away. “I’m going to find Yoichi. Bye.”

Hikage sighed. “I’m going back to sleep. If you see him, tell Yagi to come see me when he’s able so he can teach me how to fuckin’ shower. I’m not going to give them any more ammunition.”

“Oh my god, you don't know what gas is, but you understand ammunition,” said En. “You deserve everything that Aizawa has said and done to you, my fucking god.” Hikage had enough. He’s been picked on too much lately, he needs to build up his respect somehow, and he knows just the way to do it.

“Run,” he said as he reached into the sink for the abandoned pan. En’s eyes followed his hand, and he seemed to get the message, because he booked it out of the kitchen.

“Don’t you dare leave me to clean this myself,” Shimura said.

Hikage stopped in his tracks a second before he took off. He groaned and turned to Shimura. “Just beat Aizawa’s ass and make him do it. You’re stronger than pretty much everyone here, except for Yagi probably. If you need me, don’t. I’m going to commit war crimes against En now.” He turned around and ran in the same direction as En did moments before, his long legs causing him to catch up in mere seconds. He smiled widely at En’s high pitched screams as he brought the hot pan down on his ass.