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Shu thought he developed a good grasp on the feelings of his fellow oddballs by now, but there was always that one thing that he never managed to understand. Wataru and his utter devotion to that detestable Tenshouin. What was it that caused such a remarkable person to be infatuated with someone like that? Wataru often said that it was love.
But what did the word love really mean? It was a word thrown around so casually nowadays that it has lost its true meaning. Though when he looked at his dear friend, even he could tell that his feelings came from the depths of his soul. It was a real depiction of love that the word was supposed to represent in the first place.
Shu heard the phrase 'Love is blind' before. Certainly, that had to be true considering Wataru's choice of partner. Yet even though he knew so much about the concept of love, he didn't understand how it felt. Or how it could affect one's emotions and their way of thinking.
But perhaps today, he came closer to understanding than he ever did before. As the setting sun bathed the room in soft orange hues, he closed his eyes, head tilting back against the sofa, along with a content sigh. His arm was wrapped around a special someone all snuggled into his side, firm, but still gentle. His hand ran up and down their back or arm in a steady, soothing rhythm. He told himself it was to relax the other, but the repetitive motion turned out to be more relaxing for him.
It was still so early and yet he felt ready for a good night's sleep. Which was certainly unusual for someone who didn't enjoy wasting their time on such a thing. But the constant racing thoughts and stress of the day that usually kept him up and working, all felt insignificant at this moment. There was nothing else on the forefront of his mind other than the warmth of Mika's body pressed against his own and every soft little breath of his that he could feel against his neck. The gentle grip on the fabric of his shirt that sometimes tightened when Mika shifted around. These were the only feelings that occupied his brain. The rest melted into the back of his mind, forgotten for now.
Shu was convinced his partner must've fallen asleep at this point, so he let his guard down, allowing himself to enjoy these brief seconds of warmth to the fullest. If this is the sort of security and peace Wataru feels beside Eichi, then maybe... Just maybe, Shu can understand why he'd be so desperate to chase it.
If he had the choice now, he would've allowed Mika closer much sooner. If only he knew the happiness this boy would bring into his life. But there was no reason to dwell on the past. He had him in this moment. And there was nothing that could convince him to let him go. If the world were to end right now, he would have no regrets. Of course, he'd admit none of this out loud to the person in question.
Mika has always been vocal about his devotion to Shu. Which back then he didn't get. But as he heard Mika's sleepy voice whisper something incoherent into his shoulder, along with a lazy kiss pressed against his neck, he got it. This is what he was talking about. This feeling, he too, would chase to the pits of hell if he had to. Yet he didn't have to chase it. It was right here the entire time in front of him. He was simply too blind to see.
He moved a hand up into Mika's hair, fingers tangling into it as he started to softly massage his scalp, earning a happy noise from the other. With a fond smile making its way to his lips, he leaned down to press a sweet kiss to the top of his head.
Mika shifted once again, big, beautiful eyes opening and gazing right up at Shu, only to be closed right back when the sun shone straight into them from the cracks in the curtains. He whined and buried his face into Shu's shoulder to hide from the assault of brightness.
Shu couldn't help but chuckle. He figured they could get somewhere more comfortable where the sun doesn't shine in. "Should we move to the bed?" he asked, keeping his voice quiet and soft as to not startle the sleepy boy.
Mika did audibly respond, but Shu couldn't quite make it out as Mika mumbled it into his shoulder, not to mention his speech already being slurred from drifting in and out of sleep.
"I'll take that as a yes."
But as Shu tried to shift so he can pick his partner up, Mika's grip on his shirt tightened and he let out another soft whine, shaking his head. "Don't move, Oshi-san.."
Shu paused in his motion, that previous smile of his only softening. After everything they've been through. To have still been given such deep trust from Mika was a miracle. One that he swore to cherish from now on. Nothing in this world could lead him to break that still fragile bond they have built. It was still a work in progress. Hard work, some restraint, and more careful consideration of one's words helped them reach such a level. Shu only wished to strengthen what they hold now. Even if the whole world was to be against them, he'd fight until the ends of his breath to protect this. Protect him.
He realized he got lost in his thoughts again. "You have some nerve ordering me like that," he said, though the tone of his voice was anything, but harsh or upset. He further reassured it was a tease with a kiss to Mika's forehead. "I'm only moving us to bed. I'm not going anywhere,"
Mika nodded at the words and seemed to settle down, letting Shu bring him into his arms bridal style. He wasn't physically the strongest, but Mika was so light that even he could hold him with ease. Shu made a mental note to talk about this later and attempt to feed Mika more often. "You're such a hassle, Kagehira," he paused, another forehead kiss. "Stay still... I would not want to drop you,"
Mika did as he was told, only shifting his arm to take a fistful of Shu's shirt into his grip again, just to be sure he wasn't leaving him alone.
When they two arrived in bed, Mika was quick to latch onto Shu much like a koala. Legs wrapped around his waist, arms around his torso, even before Shu had the chance to react. Not that he minded. He returned the embrace, though much lighter, fingers tangling into Mika's hair while his other hand rested on his back, holding him close.
Shu was about to wish Mika good night, but Mika was quicker with his words. "G'night, Oshi-san... I love ya,"
That's all it took, wasn't it? For those three words to cause the emotions to stir in Shu's heart. For his chest to uncomfortably tighten and for tears to pool in his eyes. Just now did his mind properly process the onslaught of feelings it has experienced, the overwhelming amount of love that he didn't know what to do with or how to take it. How can one person love another so dearly that it brings them to tears?
Shu now knew that he can't explain. Like oh so many other things about love. But he didn't have to explain. It was enough to just know. Some things had to be felt without a rational explanation to accompany them. And now that Shu didn't have to rack his brain for reasons that don't exist, he could focus on actually feeling the emotion. He could list off so many things he loved about Mika, but overall, he couldn't explain the inherent reason why he loved him. And he didn't have to. He loved him. Wasn't that in itself enough?
"O-Oshi-san??" Mika seemed to snap awake at the sight of tears, quick to untangle his arms from around Shu so he can cup his cheeks instead. "Is... Is somethin' wrong?"
Shu let out a chuckle and nuzzled his cheek against one of Mika's palms while his partner wiped the tears with his thumb. "There's not a single thing wrong right now. That's the reason for my tears,"
"Eh?" Mika tilted his head, gaze confused as he tried to study Shu's expression for any possible hint of what he could've meant. "'m not gonna pretend I understand... But if there's nothin' wrong, 'm happy!"
"Kagehira." Shu startled Mika with a sudden serious tone, their eyes locked onto each other as if they both knew what was about to be said is of utmost importance. "I love you too,"
Shu has never seen Mika smile so bright than right after those words. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't enjoy the sight for too long as Mika pressed his lips against his own in a brief, but all the more meaningful little kiss that left them both smiling in the end.
Ah, how did he end up so blessed?
After the brief awakening, as Mika grew sleepy again, so did Shu. Once again, his mind dissolved. The sensation of Mika's soft hair between his fingers and the warmth of his embrace were all he felt. And with no thoughts, other than the pure, unabashed love he had felt, he drifted into a peaceful, calm sleep that lasted the night.