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Isaac stood and stared, long and hard at the board above the register. Bright greens, pinks, and reds adorned the field of black and he read through each menu item at a loss for what to get. There were dozens of options from coffees, to teas, to smoothies of which he’d never even heard of some of the ingredients. He considered going with his usual, a dark roast with a bit of cream. Molland always made it best. Mildred, however, had suggested he mix things up and he was determined to do so. Despite being lost in the jargon of the menu.
“What do Logan or Cody usually get?” he finally asked Gan who stood, waiting patiently, behind the counter.
“Logan gets black coffee, with an espresso shot… or three. Cody has a hot chocolate, extra whip,” Gan said, and glanced back at the menu with him. “Do you want something festive?” she asked and he considered Christmas and the coming holidays.
“What do you have in mind?” he looked down at her.
“I could get you your normal dark roast, same amount of cream, and add a few pumps of our peppermint syrup to it,” she offered.
“Yes, that sounds good,” he agreed, and then looked down to the Post-it in his hand. “Let me also get a medium peppermint mocha with oak milk and three extra pumps of peppermint syrup in a large cup and fill the remaining space with whipped cream,” Isaac frowned a little, at the small yellow square. That seemed like an awful lot of whipped cream.
“Anything else?” Gan asked, and Isaac shook his head before reaching for his wallet. “Oh, no, it’s on the house today, Molland insisted,” she said, and Isaac hesitated before he shoved several singles into the tip jar. “I’ll meet you at the end of the bar,” and, like that, Gan went to work.
Isaac took a seat and looked out the large windows of the café. A plow ran down the road, pushing gray snow and slush out of the street, as snow fell in lazy drifts from the gloomy overcast sky. It hardly felt like Christmas was just three, short, weeks away. Despite all of the decorations, the murmur of cheerful music and the uncharacteristic joy of his boys, he still felt somber. Maybe Mildred was right. Maybe he did need a change of pace.
The bell over the door jangled and he looked up to see Logan enter the establishment. His hair dusted in snow, cheeks and nose ruddy with the cold, and… was that a smile? Isaac faced his son, curious about his change in mood, then Cody entered behind him a moment later.
“Can you believe it?” Cody was asking Logan, an equally chipper grin on his face. “I’ve never heard someone call it duck-duck-goose before,” he laughed.
“I had no idea that only Minnesotans called it duck-duck-gray duck,” Logan chuckled, and Isaac smiled. Odd conversations from two delightfully odd boys. Logan leaned over the counter and looked behind it.
“It’s duck-duck-goose and your coffee’s already at the end of the counter,” Gan said, from behind her espresso machine.
“Ms. Ainm… and mine?” Cody pleaded, still laughing.
“Yours too,” she chuckled and Isaac felt uncertain regarding the exchange. Everyone was so comfortable as if other daunting things didn’t linger over their heads like storm clouds and he wasn’t sure how he felt about Ms. Ainm mixing in so well with all of them. He couldn’t argue though. The Laegiver’s had invited her in and she hadn’t given anyone any trouble that he was aware of. In truth, she’d been an asset in helping with the ongoing investigations with the Motherless. Another thing that bothered him. He tried not to think about it.
“Isaac, your drinks,” Gan announced, and Isaac stood. Logan was the first to notice him, his expression shifted from lighthearted joy to serious in a breath. Another thing that upset him. Both of his boys had become more guarded around him, especially Logan. He didn’t like it but not from the perspective of suspicion but mostly because he missed the open line of communication he used to have with him, with both of them.
“It’s nice to see you out and about,” Isaac said, as he took both drinks in his hands.
“You too,” Logan responded, and Cody looked over his brother's shoulder before leaning on it.
“Two drinks, all for you?” he asked, and Isaac looked down to the red cups and their white lids.
“Just the one. Mildred asked for the other,” Isaac confessed, and he saw Cody raise an eyebrow but, if he wanted to say something, he didn’t. “You boys stay safe out there,” and he stepped out of the coffee shop and into the blistering cold of the Minnesota winter.
He walked several city blocks until he stood in front of a yarn shop, the sign caked with dirty snow, but the stoop was clean and salted. Thankfully the door could be pushed open and he stepped into the quaint little store. The scent of cinnamon and pine greeted him as did the delighted chatter of two women.
“I know, I saw this yarn and thought, I really have to call Mildred,” a woman was saying and Isaac looked to see Mildred standing near Ms. Lane, a young blonde, who looked to be in her 20’s but the laugh lines suggested she was older than she appeared. She had never divulged her age but he had never inquired. “Isaac! It’s good to see you, how have you been?” she asked, her Southern accent slightly tamed with years of living in the Midwest. Mildred turned and smiled at him.
“I’ve been well, Ms. Lane, thank you. How have you been?” he asked.
“I’ve been doing well actually. I’m finally back to flying now that my Piper’s out of the shop. I really appreciate Logan letting me fly with him these last few months. I never imagined it would take so long to get parts in,” she said, and Isaac nodded.
“Your offer of free instrument lessons I think was tempting enough for him. I’m glad to hear he’s finally pursuing that avenue of aviation. It makes me feel better as a father knowing he’ll have some idea of how to fly in the clouds,” he assured her and approached them.
“I think it was an even exchange and I’m glad he’s finally going to add on an Instrument rating too. I’ve always encouraged my students, especially my VFR ones, to take some IFR lessons. You’re right, it’s so much safer, and I think Logan will be a quick study too. He’s almost as good as I am. Almost ,” she added, with a wink, and then stepped toward the door. “Anyway, if I stay longer I’ll have more yarn than I can crochet and I won’t stop talking about airplanes. Mildred, it was lovely seeing you again and you too, Isaac, both of you stay warm,” she said, and then left the shop in a flurry of snow and biting wind. Isaac looked back to Mildred.
“She really is a funny woman, don’t you think?” Mildred asked, though she smiled as she did.
“I think that’s one way to put it,” Isaac agreed, and then handed Mildred her drink. She took it gratefully and Isaac reached to take her small bag of purchased items, which she gladly relinquished.
“I was thinking,” she said, as he opened the door for her, “since we’re going shopping for Christmas, I’m going to get Gan a gift too,” they stepped out into the cutting air and Isaac took a sip of his drink. The peppermint, he thought, was perfect and he wondered if he could get it like this year-round. “I don’t have time to make anything but I was thinking of getting her a peacoat, I hear Macy’s is running a great sale right now,” she said.
“Does Ms. Ainm not have anything like that? Seems a bit pricey,” Isaac commented as they came to the bus stop and stepped under the shelter.
“Don’t be such a Scrooge, Isaac, Gan is a lovely girl and I’ve seen the coats she wears. She needs a new one. I think she would look absolutely lovely in a double breasted navy peacoat,” she said, sipping her coffee, a delighted smile touched her eyes and Isaac felt his chest warm at her kindness and the way she looked when she was happy. He took her free hand in his, she squeezed it through his mitten, and he felt content. A deep part of him wished they could be more but he knew they were parallel lines, always beside one another, hopelessly close, but never touching. Sometimes the distance between them felt painful and he wished he could come home to her smile, her warmth, her laughter, but he couldn’t and he knew he would never be able to. Instead, he savored stolen moments like this with her, when he could.
The bus ride to the Nicollet Mall was a short one. They were quiet as they rode, hand in hand, sipping their drinks and they disembarked together. Macy’s was less than a block away and Mildred wasted no time walking there. The cold was more than enough of a motivator. When they entered the department store Isaac was glad for the heat and he untwisted his scarf and loosened several buttons on his coat. Mildred did the same.
“Want me to help you buy something for the twins?” she offered as they meandered toward the women's section.
“Please, you know I’m hopeless with things like that,” he said, and she smiled.
“Oh, I know. That’s why I offered,” she chimed, and finished off the rest of her coffee. Isaac took her cup and found a bin to toss it in, along with his. “I know you’re the stoic father type, Isaac, but you’re awfully quiet today,” she said, and he exhaled.
“I have a lot on my mind,” he admitted, and it was true.
“Care to share? You know I’m always keen to hear what you’re thinking,” she flipped through several coats on a rack. Isaac watched her.
“The Motherless, mostly, there is still so much we don’t know and it is driving me to madness trying to connect the dots. Then Logan and Cody… Breath in the Deep… what have I done wrong, Mildred?” he asked her, pleadingly.
“Do you want an honest answer or a polite lie?” she met his eyes and she pinned him in place. He knew he wasn’t going to like the answer.
“An honest answer,” he admitted.
“You’ve put more pressure on them than they deserve. They’re men now Isaac, handsome, strapping young men and you hold them back,” she said, as she lifted another coat from the wrack and examined it. She handed it to him, undoubtedly liking what she’d found. “I don’t know your reasons for it, but keeping Cody and Felicity away from one another seems cruel and Logan,” she paused in thought, bottom lip pulled between her teeth. “Well, eventually he’ll bloom. He’s not always going to be a rock… maybe one day some moss will take up on him,” she said, and flitted to another stand of clothing. Isaac reflected on the odd but accurate analogy for his more serious son.
“I wish it were that simple,” he sighed, more to himself than to her. He wished, for the world, to reveal every secret he had ever had, every thought, good or bad. He wanted her to know that the boys could never be with anyone and it pained him. It was nearly agony to keep his children from becoming fathers, to never know the joys or pains of that experience and, more than that, he wanted to be a grandfather, wanted to see children again, wanted to have a bigger family. If he could, he would fix all of it and things would be normal again.
He could be with her.
“Just let them experience life a little more, Isaac. You may find they warm back up to you. Open the conversation again… but what do I know? I’m no parent,” she said, and pulled a black sweater from a shelf and held it up before she checked the tag. “This will do,” she chimed, and laid it over her shoulder.
“You’re right, I should,” this was mostly a lie to pacify her and he hated it the moment it was in the air.
They continued shopping, their conversation idle as Mildred collected clothes for gifts, called Felicity once to confirm a size, and soon, Isaac was nearly buried beneath outfits. He retrieved a cart before he was smothered in them. Mildred had a far better fashion sense than he did and she selected sweaters and leather shoes for the twins and then it came time to pay. Strategically he had Mildred’s items rung up first before he asserted himself at the counter.
“Add these as well, I’ll be paying for it,” he announced, and Mildred balked at him.
“Oh no, no you don’t,” she protested, and Isaac shook his head and looked at the clerk.
“Pay her no mind, I have the credit card,” he said, as Mildred placed her hands on the articles of clothes she’d selected. The young man behind the counter, paused, uncertain of how to proceed.
“Isaac Garriford, what on earth do you think you’re doing? You can’t pay for my things. You’ve already bought my coffee and that was more than enough,” she said, indignant but Isaac didn’t so much as spare her a glance as he urged the man to continue ringing them up.
“I’m proving that I’m no Scrooge,” he teased, “besides, I need to use the card. It hurts my credit if there’s no balance,” he said, a partial lie. It had been a while since he’d seen her so flustered but she relented, the damage was done and the cashier announced the total.
“Your total is $850.42 today and you saved $211.51,” the young man chimed and Isaac grinned as he inserted his card into the waiting credit machine.
“Not a bad savings, Christmas shopping is done, now we just need to wrap them,” he said, and Mildred fumed beside him. “You know what? I think we should go get dinner too. My treat,” he looked over to the woman at his side. She watched the receipt tape roll out.
“No, no more treats Isaac, you’ve thoroughly proven that you’re not a Scrooge. Let me get dinner,” she said, and he considered it for a moment.
“If you insist,” he grinned.
“I do,” she affirmed.
Dinner was Five Guys, at Isaac’s suggestion, as they walked by it on their way to the bus stop. Burgers eaten, they sat and nibbled on their fries as Mildred looked through Gan’s gift.
“I really like this coat,” she said, as she plucked a few lint pieces from the lapel. “It’s going to look so great on her with the black sweater. The jeans though… I’m worried they’ll be too long. I’ll have to make her a little card to let her know I’ll hem them for free. She could cuff them to fit the brown ankle boots I… you bought,” she shot Isaac a look and he gestured for her to continue as he put another french fry in his mouth. “The heel isn’t too high on them I don’t think and they were the last pair in her size. I’m so excited… but more than that, this ocher colored scarf, ah! My favorite find of them all,” she said, and placed the coat back in the bag before she pulled out the oversized scarf. “I really hope she likes all of this,” Mildred said, as she ran her hands over the soft fabric.
“I think she’ll love it,” Isaac said, as he watched her. She fussed over more outfits. Logan’s and then Cody’s and Felicity’s… the list went on and he was happy to listen to her chatter about complementing colors and fabrics. Things he had no insight on but was glad to hear and then, with the last french fry eaten, they packed up and headed for the bus stop again.
Mildred, he thought, beamed as they rode back to her apartment. Her cheeks rosy with more than just the cold and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched her from the corner of his eye. Spending time with her, while heartbreaking, was wonderful and he made note to seek her out more often. He’d forgotten how much she felt like home to him and she soothed him in ways she would never know.
The day had shifted to night and the streetlights lit their way as he walked her to her home. Snow fell heavier now, and he knew that tomorrow it would be deep and the sidewalks would be covered in drifts, the roads in more slush, and it would accumulate on his driveway and he’d have to dig himself out before work. Mildred stopped before the door to her apartment's lobby and turned to him.
“Thank you, Isaac, today was wonderful,” she said, and went to open the door but he grabbed her arm to stop her.
“If you’re free, this Saturday, let’s wrap those gifts together,” he offered, and she smiled, it was warm and gentle and kind and he felt his chest tighten at the sight. He adored her more than he could imagine and more than she would ever know.
“I’d like that,” she said, her breath visible on the air.
“I’ll bring the coffee then,” he exhaled, and it was all he could do not to kiss her then, perfect as she was standing before him, snowflakes shimmering in her hair like fallen stars.
“That sounds perfect,” she beamed, and he took her hand, wrapped in a warm mitten, and kissed the top of it instead.
“Goodnight, Mildred,” he spoke against the fabric.
“Goodnight, Isaac,” she returned and he released her before turning and heading to the bus stop to make his trip back home. He felt lighter as he walked, much more festive, and Christmas felt less like another day to dread and more like a holiday to be enjoyed.