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Steve Rogers and Y/N Y/L/N walk through the hallways of The Avengers HQ towards the holding cells of the building. “Steve, what’s going on?” She asks. Steve, one of her closest friends, had come to her office and found her, telling her: “We need your help. It’s serious.” Of course, she came as soon as she could. She’s done some work for The Avengers before, rehabilitating criminals and people previously under HYDRA’s control, and figured it would be the same kind of thing. Unfortunately for her, Steve isn’t saying anything.
“I think it’s better if you see for yourself.” He sighs, and soon the pair reach the cell they need. Y/N gasps when she sees who’s inside it.
“Bucky?” She gasps. Hearing his name, Bucky looks up at her, glaring at her. He comes stalking over, and Steve gently moves her back behind him for her protection. The look Bucky gives her sends a shiver up her spine. “W-What happened to him?”
“We were out on a mission together…but it was a trap. HYDRA found him and took him back. Luckily we managed to find him after a few days and bring him back with us…but he’s changed. We were hoping…you might be able to help rehabilitate him again.” Steve was right. After Bucky’s last rampage as The Winter Soldier, she helped to calm him down and bring his old self back. But this…this is different. In the time since she had helped to bring Bucky back, the pair had grown even closer, and become best friends. And…she also found herself falling in love with him. And now, her best friend and the man she’s in love with is kept behind bars and looks completely different. Bucky’s face is twisted into something unrecognisable. He’s like an animal, almost snarling at her as his eyes scan over her. His chest goes up and down as he pants, and he regards both her and Steve with a glare.
“He’s…” She begins, not even finding the words to say.
“I know.” Steve says. His voice is soft, reassuring…but she knows there’s a sorrow within his voice. Because after all, Steve has tried so hard to bring back the Bucky he remembers from before the war. Some would say that Bucky has been lost forever, but Steve swears he is still in there somewhere. In actuality, Steve has tried hard to bring back both the versions of him and Bucky that were lost when they went to war, but he hasn’t been able to yet. Sometimes, she can see a look of sadness on Steve’s face when he thinks nobody is looking at him. She can sense his despair for the world he lost when he came to the future…and a sadness that the one link he has to his past, his best friend, doesn’t even remember him anymore. Her hand finds Steve’s, and she gives it a tight reassuring squeeze. “Do you…do you think you can help?” He asks. She doesn’t even know what to say to him. She loves what she does, but this…this is different. This is Bucky. The man who means so much to everyone, especially her. What if she can’t do it? “I know you care about him too.”
“How…” She trails off, and Steve scoffs. But there’s no malice behind it, just light teasing.
“Please, Y/N, I may be from the forties, but I still know what being in love with someone looks like.” She hates how her cheeks flushing gives her away, and in response, Steve gives her hand another squeeze.
“Was he wiped? Again?” She asks. But she already knows the answer before Steve confirms it with a nod. With the way Bucky looks at them both, it’s clear he has no idea who either of them are anymore. His blue eyes scan over both of them, wondering if they’re a friend or foe.
“Do you think we can do it? Bring him back?” Steve asks.
“It’s going to be tough.” She sighs. “Last time he was wiped, it took almost half a year to bring him back even a little, and HYDRA has just undone all that work.”
“I know. To be honest, I’m terrified this won’t work.” Steve runs his hand through his hair, and her heart sinks. It’s weird seeing someone like Steve, someone always so cheerful and reassuring, be so pessimistic. “…But, I trust you. I know how good you are at this sort of thing. And I know that we know Bucky better than anyone else. There’s a chance here, and maybe we can bring him back.”
“Yeah, but Steve, this is different. This is Bucky. He…” She trails off, looking back at Bucky. He seems to have calmed down, and he warily glances between them both, his anger dissipated. Her heart breaks as she looks at him. He looks like a lost puppy, and it takes everything in her to not burst into tears right then. Everything Bucky was, and everything he had: his memories, personality, and life until now is all gone again. She can’t even imagine what losing all of that is like, or what Bucky is feeling right now. And at that moment, Y/N knows for sure that she’ll help. Like she’d ever say no in the first place. “I’ll do it.”
~*~*~*~*~
The following morning, Y/N brings Bucky some breakfast to his cell. Sam and Steve follow her down the narrow hallway to his cell, one on either side of her. They promise to stay outside, just in case Bucky gets confused and tries to hurt her. The fact that there’s even a chance of that breaks her heart all over again. Bucky, the sweetest guy she knows, who wouldn’t even hurt a fly, let alone her…is now a potential threat to her safety. She takes a deep breath and enters the cell, carrying the tray with eggs, bacon, toast, water, and some tea. Bucky’s favourite. As she walks towards him, her gaze glances down towards the plums at the side of the tray. The memory enters her mind before she can even stop it.
“How many plums have you eaten, Buck?” She frowns, glancing at the array of pits beside Bucky at the table.
“Plums are meant to be really good for your memory.” Bucky responds, his mouth still full. “I thought it might work for me, you know?” He shrugs. Even if he doesn’t show it, she can tell that being unable to remember anything affects him. She sighs sadly.
“I’m sorry, Bucky.”
“It’s not your fault.” He reassures her. “I just hope it works.” And now, all that work that she and Bucky tried to do is gone, and they’re back at square one. She takes a breath to steady herself as the door to the cell opens. But then again, she was no stranger to a challenge. Bucky regards her carefully as she enters the cell.
“Morning.” She smiles, hoping she comes off as friendly. “I brought you some food.” She steps forward to place the tray down on the little table in the cell, then steps back to let Bucky approach it and her in his own time. She hates how this feels. All she wants to do is rush up, give him a hug and talk to him about her day, just like before. But she can’t. Right now…and for the foreseeable future, Bucky is just like any of her other patients. Regardless of their history. Bucky steps forward and looks over the food on the tray. “I brought your favourite.” She says. Bucky regards her with another cautious glance. And then, deciding she means no harm, he sits down at the table and quickly begins to eat. From the speed he eats, Y/N can tell almost immediately that HYDRA must not have fed him much…or at all. As he eats, Bucky glances up at her occasionally. She knows he’s doing it to make sure she’s not a threat, and anyone would do the same thing if a strange person you’ve barely seen before showed up with food for you out of the blue…but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t hate it. She wishes she could just tell him that she’s not a threat. But after what he’s been through, there’s probably no way he’d believe her. To him, everything and anyone must be a threat. As Bucky looks up again, his blue eyes, the ones she knows so well, search over her. She notices bags under his eyes. He looks haggard. She hates saying that about him because to her, Bucky always looks handsome. But he looks different. Then again, being kidnapped, tortured and mind-wiped again probably won’t do wonders for your appearance. She glances around the room. The cell is small, and the bed doesn’t look comfy at all. Her mind reminds her that right now, Bucky is just like any other prisoner The Avengers have, and just because he’s friends with some of them doesn’t mean he receives any different treatment, including a nice bed…but she still feels terrible. Maybe if Steve and Sam can help her, they can get him a nicer bed. Three people are better than one, right?
A small mumble pulls her out of her thoughts, and she looks back over to see Bucky is looking at her again. “I’m sorry?” She frowns.
“…Thank you.” He repeats, his voice still a mumble, and he gestures to the food in front of him. Or rather, the empty plate. Including the plums. She smiles. It’s not much, but it’s a start.
“Oh! You’re welcome.” Bucky goes back to staring at her. She can see him frowning, trying to put the puzzle pieces together in his mind if he knows her or not. She slowly steps forward, making sure to not frighten him. “I’m, um. I’m Y/N.” She introduces herself. “I’m your friend. I’m here to help you hopefully regain your memories.” Bucky’s face is blank, and she steps slightly closer. “Do you remember your name?” She asks.
“…Soldat.” Is the word that comes out. Bucky frowns even more, clearly thinking harder to see if anything else is there. But he soon gives up and shakes his head. “I…I don’t know.” And that breaks her heart all over again. Ignoring the tears stinging at her eyes, she takes a breath.
“Your name is James.” She tells him, her voice soft. “Actually, it’s Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. But we all call you Bucky.” He looks at her like she’s grown an extra head. “I can call you whatever you like. James, Bucky, Sergeant…or Soldat.”
“…Bucky.” He mumbles. For a moment, she almost sees a flicker of recognition in Bucky’s eyes. Her heart rate rises. Maybe this will be easier than she thought. Maybe Bucky’s memory is more robust than she thought. Perhaps he remembers Steve, Sam…and her. Unfortunately…he does not remember what she hopes he does.
“Sergeant Barnes. The procedure has already started. You are to be…the new fist of HYDRA.” Zola tells him. Immediately, Bucky’s mind is flooded with memories. Memories of falling. Memories of people. People prodding at him. Poking at his arm. Treating him like some kind of broken machine. He can feel their touch all over his skin again. Reflexively, he twitches, and his metal arm tenses. Y/N frowns.
“Bucky? Are you okay? It’s-” But Bucky can’t hear her. All he can think about is what happened to him. The torture. The violence. The screams. And the pain. Oh god, the pain. Someone make it stop. Please. Before Y/N can even say anything else, and before someone hurts Bucky again, he launches the plate across the cell with his metal arm. It smashes against the wall. Y/N instinctively jumps back at the movement and the noise, clearly frightened. Steve and Sam had told her how HYDRA had changed Bucky. They had told her how violent he was, so dangerous and different from his usual self. But she had no idea just how different or violent he really was. Bucky pants, his chest heaving. He catches her eye, and the fear on her face causes his eyes to widen in shock. Bucky still has no idea who the woman is, but she seems nice, and she brought him food. And now, he’s scared her. His eyes glance to the broken plate, lying smashed by the wall. His heart sinks. Steve and Sam are by her side in seconds, accompanied by armed guards. As Sam and Steve gently pull her out of the cell, she glances back towards Bucky. He looks at all the guards surrounding him with a look of acceptance. As if he’s gone through this before and is ready to be taken out or wiped again. She sighs sadly.
This is going to take longer than she expected.
~*~*~*~*~
A few days after Bucky’s outburst, Y/N still hasn’t been able to go back and see him. And she’s getting more and more irritated with every passing minute. “This isn’t good for his rehabilitation!” She argues, pacing frustratingly across the room. “Having someone coming to see him and treating him with kindness and food, then taking them away again makes it seem like a punishment. He’s going to think he did something wrong and close up again.” She huffs. “I need to go back as soon as possible.”
“Look, Y/N, I understand where you and Steve are coming from, I do. And I want to help him too. But he’s clearly still dangerous. What if that plate had hit you? Or what if he hit you himself?” Sam argues. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“But it didn’t! I’m fine! …Well, just shaken up, but that’s okay! I’m fine. One hundred percent.” She lies. Of course, part of her is still scared. But her love for Bucky and her wish to see him get better overrides everything. “And besides, he’s had a few days to calm down and think things over as best as he can.”
“I’m sorry, Y/N, but I agree with Sam. We can’t put you in harm’s way again. He’s too unpredictable.” Steve sighs. “We’ll have to do it ourselves again.”
“Guys, seriously, I’m okay. I’ve had worse. But trust me on this, please. Bucky needs this. He needs a constant in his life. A constant that isn’t a fight.” Steve and Sam refuse to meet her eyes. “Please.” She stresses. When the pair still say nothing, she huffs. “Fine. I’ll deal with it myself.” Before the two can react, she leaves the room and runs into the elevator to take her down to the cells. As she walks towards his cell, one of the guards she saw a few days ago walks up to her.
“He’s not allowed any visitors. Especially not after what happened.” He tells her. She hates how he says that with almost a smirk, as if he’s known all along that Bucky is unsafe. Anger rises within her.
“I’m not a visitor. I’m here to work, and I’m here to help rehabilitate him.” She responds, holding up her badge for identification. The man doesn’t even look at it, and continues to smirk.
“Sorry, Miss. An order is an order. He’s dangerous.” She leans in close.
“Listen. I don’t know who you take your orders from around here, but I take mine from Tony Stark, and I’m sure he’s more senior than whoever you take your orders from. So I’d advise you to move.” The man looks confused, and she takes that moment to push past him and hurry back down to Bucky’s cell. She wasn’t exactly lying. Tony was her boss. But he was almost everyone’s boss, and despite being friends with Steve, Sam and Bucky, she hasn’t had much interaction with Tony. She ignores the sound of the guard calling after her and trying to bring her back. She opens the door to the cell, and Bucky looks up from his position on the bed. His worried look is replaced by one of recognition.
“You’re…back.” He whispers. Y/N doesn’t reply, instead noticing the number of bruises and cuts littering Bucky’s skin.
“What happened to you?” She asks, placing her bag down and quickly walking over to him. “Can I sit?” She asks, not even caring about how much he scared her the other day. All she cares about is helping Bucky. Bucky nods. He still fully doesn’t remember her in the way she seems to remember him, but he does remember how nice she was to him a few days ago. In fact, she’s been one of the only people who’s ever been nice to him. “Who did this to you? Was it HYDRA?”
“…Some of them. The others were….” Y/N knows who he means almost immediately. The guards from the other day. Anger fills her body again. She knows Bucky isn’t dangerous, and if everyone just LISTENED to her, they’d know that too. But then, she sees Bucky looking at her, his blue eyes full of tears, and her anger dissipates. “I’m.” He begins, getting choked up before he can continue. “I’m sorry. For…scaring you.” Her gaze softens.
“It’s okay.” Bucky shakes his head.
“No. I-I did. I saw. Your face…”
“I understand Bucky. You’ve been through a lot. It’s understandable.” She smiles. “Have you been to the medical bay? Has someone treated these?” She asks, and he shakes his head. Why would anyone care about him like that? Even HYDRA didn’t treat him or his injuries. Although they told him that he was doing a good job and was useful to them, they still didn’t care about him enough to ensure he was being fed enough or got enough rest. Here, they keep talking about how he’s a monster or a villain. Something broken, but this time damaged beyond repair. If HYDRA didn’t take care of him, then there’s no way anybody here would. Sighing, Y/N picks up her bag and rummages through it. “I swear to god. I told them you’d need help, but nobody in this damn building listens to me. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” She promises as she rummages through her bag, putting some things on his bed. “I’m sorry. All I have are tissues, plasters and this disinfectant spray. My first aid kit is severely lacking.” She chuckles awkwardly. She crosses over to the little sink in the cell and begins to run the tissues under cold water. Bucky sits on the bed, slightly confused. He terrified this poor woman, and yet, here she is, taking care of him.
Y/N’s phone, still sitting on the bed, chimes with a notification, and Bucky’s eyes glance over to it. Something on the screen from a person called Sam appears, and soon it disappears. Bucky notices what looks like a picture of him with this woman pop up as the thing from Sam disappears. He peers down at it, leaning closer. They both look happy, but he can’t remember anything about it: when this picture was taken, why they look so happy, or why she has it. “Okay…and we’re-” Y/N stops, seeing Bucky staring at her phone screen.
“That’s…me?” Bucky frowns, looking up at her. His blue eyes are wide like a child’s, eager to learn about the world around them. Sighing, Y/N nods and sits back down.
“Yes, it is.”
“And that’s you…Y/N.” He continues, and she nods again. It’s nice to hear the sound of her name leaving Bucky’s mouth once again. If only it was under better circumstances. “…Why?” He frowns.
“Before this happened, and you lost your memory, we were friends.” She explains. She wants to tell him everything from the beginning, to tell him memories of times spent with just the two of them, or with Sam and Steve. To say to him that she never stopped being his friend, not once, and would go back to being his friend in a heartbeat. But she also doesn’t want to overload his brain with memories he can’t remember…or remember falling in love with Bucky all over again when all he knows about her right now is her name. From the look of confusion on Bucky’s face, she knows she made the right choice…even if it’s tearing her apart inside. “Can I?” She asks, gesturing to a small cut on his arm, and he nods warily. She picks up the can of disinfectant spray. “This might sting a little. I’m sorry.” She sprays his arm, and Bucky grunts, squirming away from her a little. Slowly and gently, Y/N reaches over and cleans the wound of blood and grime, applying a plaster to it. “There we go. Just…a lot more to go.” She laughs awkwardly again, glancing back at Bucky, her eyes scanning his body.
As she starts cleaning another wound, Bucky feels a weird feeling inside. One he doesn’t understand. Is it recognition? Is something locked away in his brain coming back out? Or is something else happening? Something he doesn’t know? Then again, there’s a lot of things Bucky doesn’t remember, especially now. He looks over at Y/N, delicately resting her fingers on his skin as she cleans his wounds. Or maybe this is what it feels like to finally have someone look after you after being tortured and used as a weapon for decades.
“Y/N?” He asks, and she looks up at him.
“Mhm?”
“You said we were friends?” He repeats her words from earlier. “Why…did we stop?” A look of sadness crosses her face, and she looks back down at her hands. Bucky starts to wish he never asked.
“We didn’t.” She sighs. “But it’s okay. You’ve been through a lot and probably forgotten a lot too. Including me. It’s-”
“I’d like to be friends.” Bucky says. He doesn’t remember much, but he does know that a friend is someone who likes you, someone who takes care of you, and who enjoys seeing you, and vice versa. And so far, Y/N is one of the only people who seems to be doing that for him. Y/N looks back up at him, a look of hope on her face. Bucky feels that feeling from before again. Especially when Y/N smiles.
“I’d like that too.” Before they can say anything else, the door to the cell opens, and Steve and Sam walk in. Y/N can hear the talk about how disappointed they are in her for disobeying them from a mile off. Bucky leans forward, ready to defend his new friend at any cost from any perceived threat. “No, no, no. Bucky, these are your friends too. From before! That’s Steve and Sam.” She tells him, gently resting her arm against his chest to stop him from moving forward. Sam and Steve give a small wave each.
“What have you two been up to?” Sam asks.
“I’ve been helping him with his wounds. He’s just been left with all of these open in a cold and dirty cell! We’re going to need to speak to someone about this and get it sorted. He could do with a nice bed too. At least most of these are taken care of.”
“I can see that.” Steve says, glancing at the various plasters on Bucky’s arm and shoulders, some multicoloured. “Y/N, Stark wants to see you upstairs immediately.” Y/N sighs and gets up off the bed. If Steve and Sam don’t give her a speech about how disappointed in her they are, Tony definitely will for using his name to get past a guard.
“Bye, Bucky.” She waves goodbye, picking up her bag.
“Bye. Thanks for helping with the plasters. You know…it’s like when I was four, and I scraped my knees so my mom had to wash them.” Y/N’s bag drops to the floor again. She, Sam and Steve’s mouths drop open, and their eyes almost bulge out of their sockets.
“What…what did you just say Bucky?” She asks.
“Oh my fucking god.” Sam gasps. Bucky frowns, completely unaware of what he’s just said and why his ‘friends’ are staring at him like that.
“What?”
“You…you remembered something!” Y/N gasps.
“I…I did?” Bucky mumbles. And then it hits him. He remembered something from his childhood. From decades ago. “I..I did.” He repeats, also in shock. “But…” And the quartet realises something.
“It’s you! Y/N, it’s you!” Steve almost trips over his words. “You taking care of him helped bring something back out! This means…oh my god, we could-” Sam stops Steve mid-sentence, mainly to encourage him to breathe before he starts hyperventilating. Y/N frowns, trying to take in the weight of the situation. She did this? She brought part of Bucky back? She glances upward, and Bucky looks like he’s going through the same confusion as her. She saved him…sort of. She’s the one breaking the spell HYDRA put on him. No pressure, right?
“…Well, I guess we’re gonna have to tell Tony.” Sam states.
~*~*~*~*~
As the weeks go on, Y/N continues to pay regular visits to Bucky’s cell, trying to help him remember. Steve and Sam often pay him visits too, but Y/N sees him the most. It took a while for the trio to convince Tony that this was worthwhile…and a long lecture about how using his name to get what you want in the HQ is not allowed, even if it worked back then. Bucky hasn’t remembered many full memories since remembering his childhood injury, but he is still improving with each day and remembering fragments here and there. His speech is a lot better too. Unfortunately, most things he’s remembering have nothing to do with her, but she knows she has to be patient and can’t rush things. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t wish he would remember her and the things they did together, though. Keeping all these memories to herself is starting to hurt.
Y/N walks down the hallway towards Bucky’s cell. She still hates how he’s being held there, like some monster or criminal, when it couldn’t be further from the truth. As she walks down the hallway, she sees the guard she lied to a few weeks ago watching her, glaring slightly. She tries to avoid his gaze, but he still creeps her out regardless. Remembering that everyone here doesn’t always have Bucky’s best interests at heart isn’t something she wanted to be confronted with right now. Thankfully, she soon enters Bucky’s cell, glad to see him at least. Bucky greets her, finishing up his breakfast as she enters. Oh yeah, and she also pulled some strings to ensure he’s getting food and a decent place to sleep to help with his brain and memory. Even though she still wants to scream at everyone that Bucky is not a prisoner and is actually one of their friends. But she knows it took long enough to get all this, so she doesn’t want to risk having it taken away again.
“Morning, Bucky.” She smiles, sitting across from him. “How did you sleep?”
“Good. Better than before…sort of. Still having nightmares, but the bed is a lot more comfortable. Thank you for that.” He smiles, and she smiles back. Even if Bucky never remembers the time they spent together as friends, maybe starting from scratch again won’t be so bad. “So,” Bucky announces, taking a sip of his tea. “What do you have for me today?”
“Something small…sort of.” Bucky’s eyebrows raise, and she reaches into her bag, pulling out a book. “Remember this?” Bucky’s eyes scan the cover, and he shakes his head.
“Not really. It sounds kind of familiar, though.”
“That’s okay. I saw it last night in a shop, and I knew I had to get you it. You used to talk about it all the time, and it would drive Sam and Steve crazy.” She laughs fondly, and Bucky wishes he had any idea what she was talking about, because he wants to laugh like that again. “I thought it might help you remember, or just help you if you have some time to yourself and want to think about other things.” What is she even saying? Of course he has time to himself. He’s been brainwashed, lost his memory and been shoved into a cell. There’s not much he can do.
“Can, um.” Bucky begins, and she frowns. “Can you read it to me? Please?” He asks, and her stomach fills with butterflies. “If it’s okay, of course.”
“S-Sure…um, I’d love to. It’s nice to rediscover a book again. Is just now a good time?” She asks, and Bucky nods.
“Do you um…wanna go to my bed?” Bucky’s eyes widen once he realises what he said. “To sit on! I meant to sit on it. Nothing…like, you know.” His cheeks flush. The butterflies in her stomach increase. It feels like they’ve multiplied by a million. She nods, and the pair sit down on the bed. Bucky scoots slightly closer to her as she begins reading.
“In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort. It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle.…”
~*~*~*~*~
As Y/N reaches the end of the book, she yawns, and Bucky chuckles. “Sorry. It’s just that reading this book makes me sleepy. What did you think?” She asks, and Bucky grins.
“It’s so good!” He gasps. “I think I can see why I liked it so much.” But his grin is soon gone, replaced with a frown.
“Bucky? You okay?” She asks.
“I still don’t remember the book. What if…what if I don’t remember anything else? Do you think that can happen?” He asks, his voice quieter. Y/N’s heart breaks. She wishes she could tell him for sure..but she doesn’t know.
“I-I’m not sure. Some amnesia patients, including some people I’ve worked with, get their memories back. And some don’t…also including some people I’ve worked with. It’s really a waiting game.” Bucky’s face falls. “But look at it on the bright side.” She tells him. “You get to rediscover your love for everything, or find new things that you love.” She gently takes his hands. “You can love whatever you want to love, Bucky. You get a chance to start over, a chance to be what you want to be, especially after all this. You get to be Bucky Barnes again, not The Winter Soldier. You get to find yourself again, Bucky. And I’ll be right with you the whole time.” Bucky is silent for a moment, and Y/N realises she’s still holding his hands. “Oh, um…sorry.”
“N-No, it’s okay.” He reassures her. All he can think about is how she’s not scared of his metal arm. The arm stained with blood and connected to so much violence and pain over the years, the arm that Bucky has always felt defined him as The Winter Soldier…and she’s not frightened of it. She’s not scared of him. A tear runs down his cheek. Bucky didn’t even know he was crying.
“Bucky?” Instead of replying, Bucky pulls her close into a hug and begins crying. Y/N is still slightly startled but gently rubs his back as he cries in her arms. This is not the first time she’s done this with Bucky, and it definitely won’t be the last.
“Thank you.” Bucky whispers in her ear, squeezing her tightly. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“Of course, Bucky. I never stopped.”
~*~*~*~*~
As the weeks turn into months, Bucky continues to improve and remembers more and more about his past. Unfortunately for Y/N, most of Bucky’s memories of her still haven’t reappeared. At this rate, she’s not holding out much hope that they’ll come back at all. But if that’s how it needs to be, then so be it. “Okay. I had to pull some strings to get this because Tony said you’re still not allowed to leave HQ yet, and the Smithsonian weren’t the most enthused about me filming there, but I’ve got it.” She opens her laptop. “Steve should be here for this, but he’s on a mission right now, and he insisted we go on without him.” She sighs. “Are you ready to see some of your past before you became The Winter Soldier?” Taking a deep breath, Bucky nods.
“I think I’m ready.”
“If it’s too much and you want to stop, just tell me at any time, okay? I’m right here.” Bucky nods again. Y/N presses play, and she and Bucky watch as the video plays.
“Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield.” The voice over plays from the laptop, combined with clips of Steve and Bucky together from the war. Bucky’s non-metal hand finds hers, and his fingers gently intertwine with hers. Her breath hitches in her throat. Bucky squeezes her hand as a form of comfort. She feels sparks up her arm as he does so.
“I look so young…so happy…” Bucky trails off, watching himself on screen. She can tell that even though he’s glad to see more of his past, he’s still upset by seeing himself from that period, knowing what happens next and how he can’t go back and change it.
“Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country.” Immediately, Y/N reaches over and stops the video.
“For god’s sake, I told them they need to change it.” She sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it still said you were dead. I should’ve-” Bucky cuts her off by gently turning her face towards his.
“It’s okay. Maybe it’s better this way.” He lies. In actuality, Bucky feels like it’s better if he didn’t survive the fall off the train. “I mean…a part of me did die when I went off to war, so it’s not like they’re lying.”
“Bucky, no…” She trails off. “I want everyone to know that you’re not that…that monster. I want people to know the real you.” Part of her hair falls in front of her face, and Bucky reaches up and brushes it away with his non-metal arm. They both feel sparks as he does so. “See how kind…and gentle you are.” She whispers. She starts to feel the same way she did before Bucky was recaptured by HYDRA. She starts to fall in love with Bucky even more. Her breath catches in her throat again, and her eyes flicker upwards to his eyes. Unbeknownst to her, Bucky is feeling that strange feeling from before. He still has no idea what it means, but he does know that it only happens when she’s with him.
“As long as you know that…I think that’s all that matters to me.” He whispers, not even caring if she hears it. She does, and her heart feels like it’s about to do backflips. She swears she could kiss him at that moment. But she knows she can’t. He still doesn’t remember her that much, and she doesn’t want to dump this all on him. “Thank you for showing me the video.” He responds, giving her hand another squeeze, and she nods. His eyes flicker down to her lips. Bucky realises he’s feeling a desire to kiss her…and he doesn’t know why. But he’s strangely okay with it.
Suddenly, Y/N’s phone rings and the pair pull apart whilst she answers it. “Hello? …No! I said not to do that because- oh for fuck’s sake! Fine. I’ll come up. …Bye.” She hangs up and turns back to Bucky, her eyes apologetic. “I’m sorry. I need to go. Duty calls.” She sighs, placing her laptop back into her bag. “I’ll come back and see you later, alright?” She asks, and Bucky nods. “Bye!” She smiles, and Bucky waves goodbye as she leaves. Once she’s out of the cell, he sighs sadly and flops down onto his bed.
“Why can’t I remember more about her? Why do I feel like this?” He groans, placing his hands on his head in a futile attempt to remember or draw more memories out. Frustrated, Bucky gets up and paces around the cell. Suddenly, he smells something. Y/N’s perfume, still hanging in the air from when she left. It must be different from what she has been wearing these past few weeks, as he’s never noticed it before. As soon as he smells it, memories come flooding back to Bucky. Memories of him and Y/N. Memories of dinners together, of watching films and shows until the early morning hours, of video calling each other while he was on a mission just so he could see her face and hear her voice. And Bucky realises what that feeling from before is. It’s love. He’s in love with Y/N. He’s always been in love with her, ever since he saw her for the first time. He was going to tell her when he got back from his mission with Steve and Sam, but HYDRA found him and wiped his memory before he could. Bucky’s legs go all shaky, and he needs to sit down. He sits alone until Y/N returns, just as promised.
“Hey! Sorry it took so long. But I’m back now.” She smiles, placing her bag down and running her hands through her hair. Bucky looks over at her.
“You have a dress that’s a similar colour to that shirt. The dress is gold.” Bucky says. “You wore it the night before I left with Steve and Sam. We had a party, and we danced together.”
“You…you remember?” Y/N asks. Bucky nods.
“You wore that perfume too. The one you’re wearing today. You looked so beautiful. You always do.” He continues. “We were on the balcony talking, and I was going to tell you something, but Sam and Steve came and got me because we had to go. I gave you a hug, and I smelled that perfume again. It helped me remember.” Y/N comes and sits by him, looking shocked.
“What else do you remember?”
“Everything. I remember everything about you. How you love to sing along to eighties music at the top of your lungs while you drive, how you’ll make it your mission to pet every dog you see, even if you’re driving….” Y/N giggles, her eyes full of tears. “But most of all. I remember that night, I decided that as soon as I got back from our mission, I was going to tell you that I loved you.” Y/N gasps. “Before HYDRA ruined everything. And as I remembered…I realised that I still feel the same about you. You were right. I got to find myself again. And I got to fall in love with you again. I still love you, Y/N.” Her eyes widen, and she blinks at him.
“I…I don’t know what to say, Bucky. I feel the same about you too. I was trying to work up the courage to tell you that night too, but then…well, all of this happened.” Bucky takes her hands in his. “I love you too.” Slowly, she and Bucky lean in close, and their lips meet in a kiss. A kiss that’s been a long time coming, but both are glad it’s finally here. The pair pull apart, breathless but happy. “Welcome back, Bucky.” Y/N whispers.