Chapter Text
He was late again, but what was new?
You had everything planned out. You had made dinner, which you ended up throwing away. You had lost your appetite, and there wasn’t any point in keeping leftovers if they wouldn’t be eaten.
There was dessert, too. One of his favorite pastries. Maybe he’d actually eat that, in a rush on his way to work.
The bath you ran when he claimed to be just a few minutes away was going cold. You drained it and took a shower instead. You treated yourself with the massage oils that were meant to be for him.
The lingerie you had purchased for this very occasion was stuffed in your drawer with every other piece you had bought. What a waste.
The worst part was how long you had dealt with this. Day after day of him lying and making excuses, always pinning it on his job. You long ago realized you weren’t being selfish, you deserved more than a partner who blew off everything you planned so delicately for work.
You couldn’t sleep, you couldn’t read, you couldn’t find anything to distract yourself. You sat on the edge of your shared bed, or more accurately the bed you used to share, waiting for him.
You don’t know how long you sat. It could’ve been minutes or hours. You heard the front door unlock, the soft steps up the stairs, and finally the handle of your bedroom door turn.
He steps through the door, looking a disheveled mess. His hair is out of order, his clothes are stained with blood you know you’ll be responsible for removing. His face is upset, his posture tense.
“You’re late.” You mumble.
He glances at you, then tosses his keys onto the dresser. He turns his back to you as he pulls his coat off. “Who gave you those flowers?”
You almost laugh. “What?”
He turns to you as he undoes his tie. “The flowers. On the kitchen counter.”
You laugh this time. “You have to be kidding.”
He sighs as he removes his waistcoat. “Please, do not start. Work has been-”
“It’s always work. Fucking work. Do you know what day it is, Ludwig?” You feel yourself start to choke up.
His brow furrows. “Our anniversary isn’t anytime soon.”
You sigh. “It’s Valentine’s Day, Ludwig.”
You almost catch a twinge of shame on his face. “Please, it’s a commercialized holiday. And flowers are just pointless. They’ll die in a week.”
You shake your head and try your best not to cry. Had he always been this cruel? “For fucks sake, would it kill you to just accept that some things are important to me? Would it be the end of the world if you were home for just one evening?”
“That doesn’t explain the flowers.” He stares at you with disgust in his eyes, arms crossed over his chest.
Is he really implying what you think he is? “Are you insinuating that I’m being unfaithful?”
He laughs. “Oh, you cannot be serious. Do you expect me to believe that they’re not from another? Did you expect me to believe they were from your Mother? Your Father, perhaps? Maybe even a friend? I am not stupid!” He raises his voice. You silently wonder if he’d taken to doing that lately. You’d been speaking so little that you wouldn’t know.
You look him in the eye, and shout right back at him. “They were for you!” You sob. “For you, Ludwig.” You wipe your eyes. “Carnations. Red carnations, like you told me when I first met you. I think I fell in love right then and there.”
His lips are pressed into a thin line. He feels guilty, but he still doesn’t feel as if it’s entirely his fault. “Please, understand that this is not by choice. My work is important.”
“You just accused me of cheating on you, the only man I think I’ve ever truly loved, and you want to deflect blame?” Your voice is quiet, but it shakes with anger.
“I cannot just step away from my work whenever you like. I cannot just drop everything to participate in such trifles!” He continues to double down, still upset at you.
“Do you think that I don’t know that?” You stand up, tired of him staring down at you. “Your passion for your work is what made me infatuated with you. God, there’s this light in your eyes when you speak of it.”
You feel tears trail down your face. “I haven’t seen it in so long, I see you so infrequently. But it is ingrained into my memory, it’s something that I could never forget. I love that, I love to see you happy. I don’t think you feel the same way for me, anymore.”
A hint of remorse crosses his face. “Forgive me. If I could make more time, I would.”
You want to scream. “Bullshit.” You snarl at him, watching his expression grow confused. “Do you know of the countless times that I’ve called, for you? All of your teammates I have spoken to, who’ve told me they’d be more than happy to take over your responsibilities if only for the night. Just so you could come home and be with me.”
He stays silent.
“It’s humiliating. It’s humiliating to call so often and hear the pity in their voices. If only you’d pick up, answer the phone and talk to me for just a minute. That would sate my desire for you.”
“This job is killing me, dear. I feel as if I’m being torn apart from the inside. I fear I’ve lost track of my life. Of you.” He stares at you with cold eyes.
You shake your head. “You know what I wish?” You don’t wait for a response. “I wish you would just apologize. Just once.” He looks hurt. “And I wish that you’d stop acting as if your job is the only thing hurting us.”
He scowls at you. “What are you talking about?”
“You’ve grown distant, and it’s not just because you’re gone so much. You won’t touch me, you refuse to hold me at night. You turn your back to me as you sleep.” You feel pathetic, groveling before a man who’s been neglecting you for what feels like an eternity.
He doesn’t speak.
Your voice is shaky, and your throat feels raw from all the choked up words you’ve forced from your mouth. “Would it kill you to be home for just one evening? To share a meal with me or actually look me in the fucking eye?”
His eyes are watering.
You want so desperately to be mad, but you can’t find it in you. Even after he treats you so poorly, as if you don’t have needs. Like you'll just be there whenever he needs you and ask for nothing in return.
“You’re breaking my heart. Oh, I think the only pain worse than being neglected this way is seeing any sort of hurt in your eyes.”
He buries his head in his hands and sobs.
“I don’t think you’ll ever be able to comprehend how much I love you. How much I want to be able to just give you everything you need and expect nothing in return. But I can’t, I can’t, Ludwig. I’m human, too.”
He can’t bring himself to look at you.
“I hate to say it.“ And you do, it feels like your heart is shattering. “But everyday I stay with you I only hurt myself more. I’m killing myself doing this, and I don’t want to become a shell of a person because of it. Hell, I think the only reason I feel that way is because I know if I lose myself I won’t be of use to you any longer.”
“Is it worth it anymore? Ludwig, do you still love me? I think it might be time for me to go.”
He finally looks at you, and his expression is horrified. He stalks over to you. He’s never hit you before, but you know this isn’t the same man you fell for, even if you do still love him. You begin to brace yourself for whatever may happen, but you don’t expect what he actually does.
He drops to his knees before you. He wraps his arms around your waist, rests his head against your stomach. Your hands immediately find their way to his hair, you stroke it while listening to his cries muffled by the fabric of your pajamas. It breaks your heart to know that he is hurting.
He pulls his face away from your stomach, staring up at you. “Darling. I’m sorry. So terribly sorry. I am a monster. I’ve thrown myself into my work, by my own choice, so intensely that I have lost sight of who is most important to me. You.”
You shake in his hold, all of your suppressed emotions flowing through you.
“Oh, I could never make this up to you. I have never wished to see you so hurt. Please, please. I know I don’t deserve it. I know you have every right to do whatever you wish. But, would you please stay with me?”
You wipe your eyes, then nod. You feel the air leave your body when he leaps to his feet and pulls you into a hold tighter than you’ve ever felt. He clings to you as if you’ll disappear any second. Though, you suppose that could happen.
You wrap your arms around his neck, standing on the tips of your toes to press a kiss to the shell of his ear. “Please, stay in bed tonight.”
He buries his face into your neck. “Of course.”
He releases you, and you climb into bed. He follows after you, immediately pulling you to his chest and squeezing you tightly.
You think everything might be okay.