Chapter Text
“I know you will!” Kairi’s words echoed in her mind as she stared into the horizon where she last saw Sora fade away. She did believe in him. Sora would come back, with Riku in tow.
But how long would it take? She hugged her legs to her chest. She ought to leave. She ought to go home and show her mom and dad that she was fine. Did they know she left at all? She watched the sun rise.
The world fell, and so the people probably did too. But now the world was back, with even all the trees in the play island. The people had to be fine too. They must have had no idea that Kairi, Sora, and Riku went missing! Let alone that Sora and Riku were still missing.
Their parents would probably check their rooms soon. That was when they’d worry. If Kairi snuck into her room now, she could pass it off as if nothing had ever happened to her. Sora and Riku may have disappeared, but nothing happened to their sweet little Kairi.
It was the best thing to do for everyone. The right thing. But… she couldn’t bring herself to move. Her arms and legs felt leaden as a deep sense of exhaustion sunk over her. The sun rose behind her and she stayed put, stubbornly looking at the horizon from where she had parted with Sora. She could still remember the ghostly outline of Riku, taken over by Ansem. Sora must have saved him by now, right?
“Kairi?” A familiar voice echoed and she froze as if she would meld with the beach scenery if she didn’t move.
It didn’t work. “Kairi!” Footsteps in the sand approached and Kairi clutched at her skirt. Why, why, why did they have to find her? “What are you doing out here? Your parents couldn’t find you anywhere! Are Riku and Sora here too? Did you guys sneak out together or something?” Brown hair and a yellow outfit. Selphie.
Tears pricked at her eyes. It was too much. She missed them already. She was terrified for them. Her mouth trembled uncontrollably. “Hey…” She buried her face into Selphie’s shirt, trying and failing to hide her tears. At least this way Kairi was at least blocked from view as she cried. Selphie awkwardly patted her back and Kairi was just grateful she wasn’t asking any more questions.
-(~)-
Kairi held onto the memories of what had happened like they were a lifeline. Sora and Riku’s parents looked everywhere, grieving their absence. Kairi’s own parents held her a little tighter in their hugs, telling her to be careful when she went out. They had no idea what happened, and it wasn’t like Kairi could tell them without sounding like she’d lost her mind. She spent more time with Selphie to stave off her loneliness. Selphie, to her credit, jumped on that chance, happily whisking her away to various different places. It was a nice distraction from everything.
Sometimes it felt like she was being watched. It wasn’t often, maybe only a couple times a month. But it raised hairs on the back of her neck, sensing that other person. When she turned around, tried to look for the source, she could never find them, always disappearing in the blink of an eye. She should be more creeped out by it than she was, but…
She felt safer with the presence around. They were warm and familiar and she felt hollow when they left. After a couple of tries to see who it was, she learned to stop looking, allowing the presence to be there and taking comfort in it.
About a month later, when she woke up, she felt something was off. She frowned. The only thing she could think of was that Riku was still gone and she didn’t know when he’d come back. She hoped soon.
She daydreamed of Riku as she got ready for school. Her mind was used to running through various different scenarios of when she’d see him again. Would he be waiting for her before school to surprise her at her door? Or maybe he’d be there after school when she came home, chatting with her dad as he waited. Maybe it would be him sneaking into her room at night like they did as kids. It was the reason she always kept her window unlocked now. Just in case.
Her fingers combed through her hair, noticing that it’s grown past her jaw with the tips now closer to her shoulders. She didn’t like her hair growing past a certain point, and her hair was getting there.
Kairi has never cut her own hair before. When she was younger, her dad would cut it. The past couple years - since Kairi had turned 12 - Riku had been cutting it. Sure, she could go back to her dad, but…
A pit grew in her stomach at the thought of it. It was like admitting defeat. Admitting that she had no idea when Riku would come back, and like she was moving on without him. She couldn’t just abandon him like that.
She decided to let her hair be.
Later that morning on her way to school, she passed by a house like any other. But this one made her pause, made her look back.
She’s sure she’s never been inside that house before. So why did it feel familiar?
Just outside was an older woman, around the same age as her own mother. Kairi recognized her. The widow who never had a child of her own before her husband passed away. Now she lived alone, gardening being one of her only companions. Kairi always thought it was kind of sad, but… she pursed her lips. Weird. The information itself wasn’t anything new to her, so why did it feel wrong? Heart-wrenching, even?
The woman spotted her, and waved with a tired smile. A wave of sudden affection struck Kairi. She wanted to run up to her and hug her. She wanted to tell her everything would be okay. That they’d find-
Find? Find what? Or… find who?
I’ll come back to you, I promise!
She blinked, stunned. Who told her that? A wetness ran down her cheeks and she reflexively touched it. Tears. She was crying?
She had to pull herself together. She was going to school, damn it. She couldn’t just randomly cry in front of people. She quickly wiped her eyes and cheeks and went forth, shoving her curiosity down.
For the rest of her day, her thoughts were consumed by Riku and the mystery person she couldn’t seem to remember. Selphie looked concerned and, as frustrating as those looks were, Kairi couldn’t blame her. She would have done the same thing if it were the other way around.
It didn’t help that there wasn’t anyone on the Islands she could tell about this, not without sounding crazy. She wished Riku was there. He would have offered an ear like he’d already done a bunch of times in the past. He never called her crazy, no matter how much his brow climbed at her wild, fairly baseless speculations of what her old life might have been like.
Still, the memories of the mystery person continued to plague her. Except they weren’t really memories. Just when it felt like she might remember something, it was like she’d hit a mental wall that wouldn’t allow her to access them. It kept her from her homework. Hell, she couldn’t even read without passages from her old books threatening to drag the memories out, causing headaches when she pushed too far.
She tried thinking back to how she and Riku were taken away from the Islands and ran into another block. So was that person involved there as well? Massive chunks of her memories were unreachable when she was sure she could reach them just yesterday.
She collapsed into bed and muffled a frustrated scream into a pillow. Why did this keep happening? She already lost her memories before, when she first came to the Islands. Why would she lose her memories of the time that was so important to her? Maybe she was going crazy. Maybe other worlds didn’t exist, after all. Maybe she made it all up to cope with her loss of Riku.
And maybe she would actually believe that if everything in her wasn’t screaming otherwise.
Her thoughts ran through her mind in confused circles until she eventually went to sleep. Sleep had taken her memories away. Maybe sleep would return them.
She woke up the next day exactly where she’d been the night before, memory-wise. She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face. In hindsight, she wasn’t sure what she expected. If getting her memories back was that simple, Kairi would have remembered her old life a long time ago.
She didn’t have school today so she decided to go to the play island early. Riku and Kairi used to spend so much of their days there. Maybe if the mystery person was close to her, she would have memories of them there too. It was at least worth investigating.
Tying her boat to the dock, she scanned the area. The island looked the same as the day she came back. It was at once comforting and saddening. The island hadn’t changed, but nothing was the same anymore.
She barely had to take a step before a hazy memory rushed back.
She’d splashed the mystery person in the ocean water from the boat. They spluttered at her, but laughed boyishly and splashed her back, making her squeal from the cold water.
Okay. Unless he was like Riku who had to take some voice training a couple years ago to sound like how he does now, the mystery person was definitely a guy. It was a step in the right direction.
Her mind replayed the laugh, playful and sweet. Kairi longed for it.
She trekked further into the island in search for more clues. In turn, more memories returned to her. Dark brown and spiky hair, blue eyes the same color as the ocean, and a goofy smile that filled her heart in the same way Riku’s more sincere smiles did. There were some memories of him hanging around with Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka but it seemed for the most part, he would play with Kairi and Riku.
He’d spar with Riku and race them both all over the island. He’d watch Kairi read or craft while he played old video games in their treehouse, Riku trying to get a head start on homework. He’d make big gestures and silly faces to try to get her to giggle when she was in a funk.
He was her other best friend. How did she forget him? How could she forget him? Guilt tugged at her, pulled her to find out more, to somehow make up for it.
Many of her memories featured him lazing about or napping on the beach floor, and while she didn’t have a clear picture of it anymore (as if her brain was working against her actually seeing him), she could still picture him in her mind from the glimpses of him that she had.
She roamed the island some more, but after a while, it was clear that that was all she was getting out of this.
Kairi still didn’t have a name.
Despite all the progress she made, she couldn’t help but feel dejected as she climbed back into her boat and rowed home.
-(~)-
“Hey, sweet pea,” Kairi’s dad called. She could hear her mom taking a shower through the walls. Her mom always slept in late on her days of not being mayor. It was almost funny how much of a morning person her mom was not, even though she usually had to be up early for her job.
“Hey dad,” Kairi greeted back, her mind still swimming with memories and thoughts about her forgotten friend.
“You seem distracted. Is it Riku again?” He asked with a concerned look.
“So what if it is?” It wasn’t, but… it had been a month since she came back. While everyone still gave her some space and sympathy, there was that invisible push by everyone around her to get back to normal again. To just “get over” her loss already. She resented it.
Kairi’s dad wiped his hands with a towel and gave her a look. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Kairi deflated.
Her dad wasn’t one of the people who tried to push her, after all. Especially not after she told him about her frustrations with it. “Sorry.”
Kairi watched him continue to do chores (even though they could afford cleaning people. Her father insisted on doing at least some of them; he said it was a good stress-reliever) for a while. “Dad? Do you remember the kids I used to play with on the island?”
He raised a brow. “… You mean the kids you played with a month ago?” He chuckled. “You sound so old. It wasn’t that long ago. You’re never going back to play there?” Kairi didn’t know. She felt bad going back again. Not when she didn’t remember one of her friends.
“Do you remember them?” She ignored his question.
His eyes grew unfocused, distant, his hands slowing down on cutting vegetables. Before Kairi could wonder what that meant, he shook himself out of it. “Sure. Riku, Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka, right?” Kairi frowned.
“No one else?”
“I’m pretty sure I’d know if there was someone else. Unless you hid them from me.” He raised a suspicious brow at her.
Kairi scoffed. She may have been a troublemaker, but she wouldn’t lie about something like not being around one of her best friends all the time. Her father would have known about him. “No.”
And that answered that. No one remembered the other boy. Only Riku. Why? And why was it that only Kairi remembered?
…Maybe she was going about it wrong. Maybe her parents hadn’t been very close with him. She could certainly think of one other person the boy would have been close to.
-(~)-
The next day, she went to the boy’s house. She was able to recognize more and more of the things lying around his porch as familiar. The fuzzy welcome mat that laid in front of the door, the small doorbell that made a little jingling noise that made her smile.
It was like coming home.
The front door opened, revealing his mother. Now that Kairi had a closer look, she could see their similarities. The boy had gotten her nose, her darker skin tone, and her hair. His mom seemed dazed for a second but she shook herself out of it. “Kairi?”
Kairi’s heart skipped a beat. “You remember me?” She asked breathlessly.
“Of course! How could I not know the mayor’s daughter?” Just like that, her hopes were dashed. Right. “But you don’t usually come by. What are you doing here?”
Kairi already came prepared. “My place had extra food and I figured I could give you some.” Kairi had actually snuck some of her dad’s cooking in as an excuse for this. His mom protested a bit as expected, but Kairi firmly placed the box of food into her hands.
Now here was the harder part. “May I come in?” Kairi expected more questions, but to her surprise, the boy’s mom easily let her in.
The home smelled of fresh cooking, something she probably just made. They made small talk about Kairi's school and the older woman’s hobbies. It was jarring just how comfortable Kairi felt around her, but it made sense. Kairi had known her, after all. Eventually, the conversation circled to Kairi and her friendship with Riku. Both of whom she seemed to have a surprising amount of knowledge on, but Kairi didn’t comment on it.
The boy’s mom laughed. “Honestly, it’s like you kids just grew up right in front of my eyes!” Right as she said that, her eyes grew unfocused and troubled. Kairi understood what that look meant now, having seen it on her dad just yesterday. It was probably the same mental block of her friend that everyone seemed to be going through. As the fog under her eyes fell away, it grew more thoughtful. “It’s strange, Kairi.” She finally said, after a minute. “I feel like I know you. I feel like I’ve known you for much longer than I have.”
Kairi smiled weakly. “Me too.” Except Kairi knew it was because they already knew each other.
The older woman silently stirred her herbal tea. “… Do you think you could come by more often?” She asked. “I’d appreciate the company.”
Kairi brightened. “Definitely!”
The boy’s mom thanked her for visiting with a tight hug and even this felt nice and familiar, like they’d done it a thousand times.
That was when the situation sunk in. No one remembered him. Not even his deeply caring mom.
There was something wrong with the world. The universe itself. How else could everyone have forgotten someone so important?
She tried to imagine what it would be like to come home to a parent who didn’t know who she was. Her heart tightened at the thought. For the first time, she almost hoped that the boy wouldn’t come back any time soon.
Not until everyone’s memory problems were fixed.
-(~)-
“You don’t have to do this,” the silver-haired boy said, voice wispy as a feather.
“Yeah, listen to him. What’s a kid like you gonna do? Leave this to the grown-ups.” The bully said.
Her hands shook with anger. She was younger and smaller than the bully. Even the kid being bullied was obviously older. But that didn’t mean she’d stand by and let this happen. The lady who defended her wouldn’t let this happen. She got into a fighting stance similar to her blue haired savior.
The bully blinked. “You’re actually going to fight me?” He laughed, like that was the funniest thing he’s ever heard.
“Just leave him alone.”
“I’m not gonna fight some little girl. Run along now.” He shooed her off, only succeeding in making her blood boil in the process. She had to show him up now, just for underestimating her.
Kairi launched herself at him so suddenly that the bully didn’t have time to react. She barreled her tiny fists at his face. She may have been small, but she was shockingly strong. Grandma had said so before. Kairi hadn't believed it, but maybe what she said was true if the kid actually backed off with fear in his eyes.
“You’re crazy!” The kid yelled, running off.
“Holy shit,” the silver-haired boy muttered as he pushed himself up from the tiled floor.
“Shit?” He paled in response.
“Pretend you didn’t hear that. Please.” So it was a bad word. Normally, she might have tried telling him that he shouldn’t be saying stuff like that. Today, she nodded along, grinning and brimming with energy from what had just happened.
She couldn’t believe that worked. She won a fight against an older kid! Maybe she really would grow up to be like that lady who fought against all those scary Heartless for her. Aqua. “What’s your name?”
He blinked at her as if that wasn’t a question he was used to being asked. “Ienzo.”
“I’m Kairi! Can we be friends?”
A slow, small smile spread across his face. “Sure, Kairi.”
It was then that she made a silent vow to herself. She would fight for the things that mattered, no matter what.
Like her friends.
Kairi woke up from a clap of thunder so loud that it rattled her home. The storm almost sounded like the night when she and Riku had been ripped from the Islands, but there was no impending darkness that made her drawn to the secret place this time. It was just a regular storm, albeit strong. She pulled the blanket over her head in a feeble attempt to muffle the storm, her mind racing.
It was a miracle that she remembered something new from her childhood. The only person she remembered before was her grandma. Kairi counted it as a small victory. Her memories of the dream were already fading fast and she held onto as many fragments as she could.
Ienzo. She’d sear that name into her memory. She hoped she could find him again, if she ever found the world she came from again.
Because she had found her way back, hadn’t she? She remembered waking up with Donald and Goofy surrounding her, Riku telling her to run. Her time with the Restoration Committee. Kairi realized her memory was riddled with holes. Her other friend must have been there with them. Doing what, she had no idea, but he was there.
She liked the sound of the promise she made to herself too. Fighting for the things that mattered. That memory had faded away along with everything else when she came to the Islands, but her desire to carry out that promise remained. What stopped her from trying to get Riku back herself?
You’d kind of be in my way.
Oh. She clutched at her bedsheets. It resonated painfully. So that was why.
Her best friend… didn’t believe in her.
The hurt turned to anger. Well, fuck him. She would show him. When he came back, she’d be so strong that he’d have no choice but to acknowledge her.
He’d have no choice but to not leave her again.
It had only been two months since Kairi came back to the islands, but that night was the start of something greater.
She joined the school fencing team, lifting weights and pushing herself in combat beyond her classmates. Beyond what she should have.
She sprained her muscles, ending up bedridden. Miserable, but it was a lesson to be learned.
She had to know her limits. She had to be patient, no matter how frustrating it was to see others in her class so much stronger, so much more skilled than her.
Any one of her teammates would have been amazing with her keyblade. That pushed her even more.
She knew she was the underdog of the class. She was 5 foot 2 inches and thin as a twig. Her teammates looked at her with disdain. They whispered to one another, wondering how she got in the team at all. It was discouraging, if Kairi was being honest. Why had she been recruited? “You aren’t fit,” the coach said frankly when Kairi had asked. “That’s not why I took you in. You had fire in the tryouts. When it comes to getting good at anything, you need determination. I can tell that you have that in spades.”
Indeed, spite was a good motivator.
Soon enough, she started lifting 20 lbs in each arm instead of the 5s she started off with. Soon, she was winning the matches she got into. Her teammates’ whispers of disdain turned to open acknowledgement of how quickly she was getting better. The coach told Kairi that she was glad she chose her. Kairi felt pride in her abilities.
It wasn’t long before she started putting on noticeable muscle on her arms. She flexed in the mirror, poking and prodding at the new tissue, reminded of Riku. It felt weird to be muscular. It felt good to be muscular.
Things she would have needed help with in the past, she could carry on her own. She rolled up her sleeves, proud of the muscles she’d grown, and understood why Riku used to do the same. And why he was so damn cocky.
It was a power trip.
Sometimes, she met up and sparred with the old gang. Tidus and Wakka never really outgrew their sparring even if they didn’t go to the play islands anymore. Selphie had grown less interested over the months, but was still willing to pick up her jump rope at times if she was bored or wanted to vent.
Selphie and Wakka were good for her to work on longer-ranged attacks while Tidus was the perfect short-ranged attacker. Seven months after she came back to the Islands, Kairi progressed to the level that she could kick all three of their asses at once.
“I’d feel sorry for whatever poor sod messed with you now,” Tidus said, roughly patting her back. “Looks like the student has surpassed the master.”
“Yeah, by a long shot.” Selphie snorted.
Needless to say, Kairi was pretty satisfied.
She became the star athlete of her grade. The one that people relied on, and the one that people got jealous of. No matter how many people gathered in the audience, she could still hear Selphie cheer for her as she won match after match. Kairi loved it.
There were only two things that would make it even better.
Riku. The other boy. What was taking them so long?
She’s done her share of waiting. She’s gotten stronger. She wanted to fight with them, whatever the threat was. And yet, part of all her victories felt hollow because they weren’t there.
I’ll come back to you, I promise!
Kairi was beginning to doubt his words.
-(~)-
Getting closer to Selphie meant finding out a lot more about her than Kairi knew before. Yes, Selphie was loud and a hopeless romantic. Many people would even find her obnoxious. Selphie knew all that. “Let them think whatever they want about me,” she said, tossing her phone to the side as her newest boyfriend broke up with her. “I’m not going to act more ‘normal’ just because some people can’t handle a loud and confident girl.”
Kairi liked that about her. Selphie taught her makeup, a new style of fashion that Kairi couldn’t get enough of, and how to have faith in herself even when no one else did. Kairi taught Selphie how to have a better balance of life and school, and gave her a shoulder to lean on whenever Selphie needed it.
It took six months of solid company before Selphie joined her small list of people Kairi considered her best friends.
It took another four months for her to realize something else. Being friends with Selphie was really different from being friends with Riku. Her friendship with Selphie was ride-or-die, to be sure. Kairi would kill for Selphie, even if she was sure she would never have to do so.
But interactions with Selphie didn’t leave her with butterflies in her stomach. They didn’t leave her grinning like an idiot, with the need to pinch Selphie’s cheeks because she was acting particularly cute. And Selphie was cute, objectively speaking. Riku was cute too. She’d have to be blind to not see that and deaf to not hear girls around her talk about how hot he was. It left Kairi strangely protective of him. Selphie had guys like that too, and while Kairi still felt protective, it was definitely… milder, to say the least.
Kairi never felt the urge to kiss Selphie like she did, multiple times, with Riku.
Oh, no. She spit the toothpaste out of her mouth, cheeks burning. Did she…?
She liked Riku. She stared at herself in the mirror, her knuckles turning white from how hard she was clenching her fists together. Oh god, she liked Riku.
All this time, she thought she wanted to kiss him platonically! But her feelings weren’t platonic at all.
It’s been ten months since the last time she saw him. Who knows how he might have changed by now? He’d already changed so much even before they left. To the point that he scared her sometimes.
Then again, she’d only been afraid of him when he went all glassy-eyed and weird around her. Thinking back, that was probably thanks to Ansem’s influence. But the last time Riku spoke to her, holding Ansem back through sheer force of will? That was the real Riku. That was the Riku she liked.
Kairi slowly calmed down. She still didn’t know when Riku would come back, but she had to tell him when he did. She had to.
The thought of telling him made her heart race and tugged at her gut, but in a good way. Despite all the obstacles, she found herself grinning back at her reflection giddily. She could almost see Riku in the empty space in the mirror, next to her, smirking and quipping at how much of a weirdo she was, randomly smiling at herself in a mirror and asking if she did this every day. That maybe this was a sign she was turning into… into…
She lost her train of thought. No matter.
She wondered if Selphie already knew about her crush. It wouldn’t surprise her. The girl was so perceptive of potential romance that it was scary.
-(~)-
Two months after she found out about her feelings for Riku, the mental block that kept her from accessing her memories suddenly disappeared. Sora. His name was Sora.
She could see him in her head again instead of having to imagine his separate features together. Memories of Sora and everything that had made him so precious to her flooded her mind. It was like a missing part of herself that she didn’t even know was gone came back again, making her very soul sing with joy.
Then, all at once, she remembered the secret place.
She sprinted to their small cave, the one place she’d never checked over the past year. Something inside her had told her to not go there. She knew why now.
She slowed down at the entrance of the Secret Place, the place where her heart had first found refuge in Sora’s, and immediately spotted what she was looking for. The small chalk drawings of each other that they made when they were little. The paopu Sora had drawn. The paopu that Kairi had drawn.
Fuck.
She gently touched the old chalk drawing. She couldn’t erase her paopu without messing up the drawing, even if she wanted to. Instead of the bittersweetness she felt the first time she saw Sora’s addition, she was a mix of confused, frustrated, and yet strangely satisfied. Content, even, that it turned out this way. She liked Sora. She liked Riku too. Her feelings for Riku were just as real as her feelings for Sora. It was just - this made things a lot more complicated than when she was only aware of her feelings for Sora. Feelings she only realized she reciprocated when she saw the paopu Sora had drawn. A drawing he may have never even intended for her to see.
It was a miracle that Sora already liked her, if he still did. What were the chances that Riku did too? What were the chances either of them would want that kind of relationship at all?
Things never just came easy for her, did they?
She took a deep breath, as her mother’s voice echoed in her mind. Some things in life wouldn’t be easy, but that didn't mean she shouldn’t try. Her mom never would have become mayor if she had been too intimidated to try. Kairi knew that her mom was right in that regard.
Her boys were taking too long. Maybe they would come back if she stayed put, but she wasn’t satisfied with that answer. She never was.
She had to get off the Islands. She had to help. She had to fight with them, for them.
Waiting just wasn’t good enough.