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Taeyong made his choice.
Life has been more than chaotic this last year for him, he thinks while sitting in a bar he knows too well, he's waiting for his best friend, Doyoung, to arrive.
Taeyong is 31 and has been married for the last 5 years, he’s also been in the separation and -later- divorce process for the last 6 months. Marriage life was happy for him for the first couple of years. Ten was in many ways someone he needed, he understood him, they had a lot of fun together, but if things were so good why are they divorcing? Ten told him he felt like their marriage wasn't his priority.
Thinking about it now he sees why he thought that, he always spend too much time at his job, the both of them did, and at first it was bearable but not anymore, even when the both of them seemed so in tune, he realised they were not perfect for each other, they weren't for each other, they lost themselves to get the relationship to work, but pretending to be someone else isn't right, it doesn't feel right and it suffocates oneself, like cutting the oxygen of a flame.
Technically, it was natural for them to break up, it was mutual, as everything in their relationship.
"We just didn't work out, I really didn't mean for this to happen," Ten said, looking at him apologetically. Taeyong knows this, he understands this, that's the reason they were signing the papers instead of fighting at the tribunals "I know, but you showed me so many things, I'm sorry I couldn't be who you deserve, I really thank you for helping me grow. I hope I taught you one thing or two too" Taeyong answered, hoping that this learning will help him significantly. "Yeah, that you did" the other gave him a strange smile, an ironic one "thank you, and I hope that if we meet again the two of us are happy, each on their own."
Nothing tied them but their apartment, which they decided to sell, and as easily as that choice they went different ways. Sadly, not everything was easy, Taeyong's boss didn't grant him his holiday days, which meant he couldn't go apartment hunting, which resulted in him staying with his parents.
It's weird to live with your parents again, nobody expects to go back to their very first house after 4 apartments, different roommates and partners. It is weird that a place that holds so many memories feels foreign to the touch, maybe because freedom of choice is addictive and not owning the space where you live is enervating.
Thanks to God or to whoever celestial being exists, he got a little time to relax and he called his best friend to get some drinks at a bar the both of them hung around in their 20s. He hasn't seen the younger in months, which isn't new, considering how busy the both of them are. What's also not new is how much they want to see each other.
Doyoung entered the room looking different like something changed in him. He had arrived recently in their city after being travelling around the world for a whole month.
"Doie! Here!" Taeyong signals to his table and watches the other man glitter once he sees him "Yonggari how long! I love your new hair!..." and just like that they started to talk about everything and anything.
"It’s just sad you know? We wanted to make a family, we talked about it but never started anything as if we knew we would slip apart" Taeyong explained, already crying, they moved to Doyoung's apartment about an hour ago, already too late to stay at the bar just to talk.
"Hey, Yong, It's okay, it's understandable to feel this way after what you've been through" The younger patted him in the back "You know things happen for a reason" he moved so he could see the other's shiny eyes and cleaned some of his tears "I'm sure you're gonna form that family you want sooner rather than later, even if it isn't how you expect it" Taeyong felt overwhelmed, he felt so grateful for having someone like Dons by his side, he hugged him and said "You'll be a great father"
A Minim Rest is held "Ha? Am I? Hah, that's nice I guess I wanna be one, a dad, a good one" Doyoung sounds surprised and looks a little red, maybe it's the alcohol, Taeyong thought "I know you're gonna be one too, you know? You've always loved to take care of others and you've done a great job at it too, the best dad ever, maybe I could be second" he laughs and that makes Taeyong happy, he stops crying and snuggles a little more into Doyoung's arms.
"Isn't it funny though, how I am a father figure, an older brother to so many people but when I want to feel little and taken care of is you who I come to" his nose was still constipated so the sentence was barely audible, but he knew he had been heard.
"Yeah… isn't it funny" Doyoung got weirdly silent, the older could almost hear him thinking, after some minutes he continues, slowly, Taeyong feels the nervousness in the other, why is he? "Uhm, I actually need to tell you something and I need to know that you're not drunk for this"
"Yeah, I'm not, don't worry, between the walk and the crying not a single drop of alcohol is left in my body, what do you need me for?" Taeyong feels nervous as he speaks, his hands sweaty and anticipating whatever his friend is about to say to him.
"I love you
What can I do
Can we try?
Cause I'm in love with you"
The soft voice that leaves Doyoung's mouth feels secure but not powerful.
"I- i don't know,
Why are you saying this now?
I love you, but not like that, have not for decades
It's funny that you say this
Cause I liked you when we were kids"
Taeyong cannot believe a thing, to have his dearest friend confessing to him is bizarre at the least.
"I know that
Once, I was told by a schoolmate
If I'd told you I liked you then,
Between us what would have changed?
Would we be together now?
Would we have broken up and lost the game?
A game where we only lose,
Lovers or friends
We can't win everything"
Doyoung is crying, but he's not making a mess, his tears are falling but his words are stronger than they were.
"You broke my heart then,
you said you saw me as a brother and I bought it
I fought all my feelings, for years even
Just so I wouldn't lose you
And now you're telling me that you liked me too?"
Taeyong didn't realise he was crying too, not out of sadness but rather frustration, as a catharsis for his own confession.
"I'm filled with regret, you're my bestest friend
I didn't want the risk, even today I'm afraid
But I needed to take this out of my chest
The only thing I beg
Is for you to not leave
I can keep being your friend
As long as I don't get your hate…
I'm sorry for breaking your heart
And I promise you I really am.
And now, if you decide
To give me a chance, if you want to try
I beg you don't leave my side
Even if you break my heart
Don't wanna ever lose the connection we have"
"I get you
By your side, things always feel right
I'm myself when I'm with you
I forgive you…
I forgave you for breaking my heart
and I'll forgive you again if you do it twice or thrice
because I love you,
Just not in the way you do
But maybe I'll do again
you'll always be my soulmate
the most important person in my life
Lets try"
At least one of their promises is kept.