Chapter Text
Soulmates was a concept that was well-known, something that kids were taught about from a young age, and teenagers dreamt about experiencing, but something that nonetheless only applied to about 10% of the people living on the earth. It was said that on the day of your seventeenth birthday, if the person destined to be your soulmate touches you, a small mark, almost like a tattoo, will appear somewhere on your skin. The place of the mark differentiated between individuals, just like what the mark actually was, but that was the rule. These very specific rules - no one knew why seventeen was the age one had to be or why it was dependent on touch - meant that there probably were more people who were part of this percentage, unknowingly so.
Sunoo had gone through life, pretty early coming to the conclusion that he probably wasn’t part of this 10%. It seemed very unlikely, and no one in his family had been part of a soul-bond. It wasn’t genetic, but nonetheless, Sunoo grew out of the childish dream when he was quite young. The romantic part of his brain had always wished for it, the dramas he grew up watching on the trope had fed him with the idea that ‘true love’ was the one shared between soulmates, but he had understood that ‘true love’ was something people with no connection but the love they shared for each other could also experience. His parents weren’t soulmates, but he really thought their love was real. And so, he had stopped wishing for that connection.
**
*
But, one day he found out the truth. It was that day that Nishimura Riki, the dance prodigy on I-land, joined their group on the ground, and Sunoo hugged him when he passed through the door. It was something he just did, because he wanted to comfort this talented kid, show him that even though he probably felt all sorts of emotions - Sunoo had felt them too - it didn’t mean he wasn’t an amazing performer. He deserved to get back to the I-land. He didn’t deserve the self-doubt.
But, immediately when they touched, Sunoo had felt a burning below his collarbone. At that, he had felt his heart begin to pound in his chest. When they parted after a couple of moments, he had smiled at the boy despite his burning skin, said something to him, and then he had excused himself, rushing to the bathroom. Once inside, the door locked behind him, he had walked with uncertain steps to the mirror, and upon pulling his t-shirt down he had seen it.
There, on his chest, was something written in black ink, a stark contrast to his pale skin. Sunoo had just stared at it, and his heart had sunk in his chest, upon realising what it meant. He had been alive for seventeen years now, and somehow he was part of that small percentage - he had a soulmate. Which meant his soulmate was a boy by the name Nishimura Riki, someone he didn’t even know if he had a future with.
Even worse, the letters on his chest weren’t written in hangul, but rather in kanji. Sunoo couldn’t read it, and he couldn’t actually ask either, so he just stared at the letters for another minute, and then pulled down the black shirt again. What could he do? Nothing. There was nothing he could do and no one he could turn to.
When he left the bathroom a few moments later, his eyes immediately went to the Japanese boy, who was sitting talking to another member of the group. He didn’t look affected by the discovery, but Sunoo didn’t know why he thought he would’ve. The boy hadn’t even turned 15 yet. It was still over another two years before he would get his mark, if he got his mark. It all depended on what happened when I-land was finished and if any of them debuted; if they debuted together. It all depended on his touch. Sunoo turned his eyes away, and tried to focus on his current situation.
Later, when he laid in bed, the spot where the mark had appeared still felt like it was burning. Starting tomorrow, he would have to be careful. Cover it up. Sunoo closed his eyes, and tried to accept that this was something he might need to take to his own grave, if his fate meant for it. It wasn’t what mattered right now.
**
*
The months leading up to the finale had been tough for Sunoo, both with fighting to stay on the show with eliminations happening around him, but also because of the spot below his left collarbone that kept burning each time the Japanese boy touched him. Sunoo tried to act as if nothing happened, but it wasn’t easy. Especially not when they had gotten closer, and he had found his soulmate was quite touchy-feely.
Some days it felt maddening, and he wanted to corner the younger boy and tell him, demanding he explained the letters that tingled and burned each time they touched. But he couldn’t, how could he? With cameras monitoring them, and with the uncertainty if they would even debut together. And even if they by some miracle did, what did it matter? They’d be idols. They’d be group members. And they were boys . How could things ever turn out like the Cinderella story he had imagined as a child?
So, standing on that final stage, it was nerve-wracking. When Ni-ki was called as the fourth to join the debut line, Sunoo almost couldn’t breathe. He was happy for the boy who was his soulmate, but it also felt painful. When Park Sunghoon was called as the sixth - of course he was picked, Sunoo didn’t doubt it for a moment - he felt himself start to accept his fate. Standing next to K and Daniel, he knew it couldn’t be him. He wouldn’t debut with his soulmate, he’d most likely never meet him again.
As Sunoo looked down at his feet, trying to keep his anxiety at bay, he made a promise to himself. If he by some miracle managed to get the last spot to join the group, he wouldn’t fight against the connection that his soulmate bond had. He wouldn’t rush it, he’d be patient and wait for the day Ni-ki turned 17 and found out for himself, but he would truly accept it. And if he didn’t debut, he would forget about it. He’d hide the mark for the rest of his life. Sunoo took a deep breath, and raised his head. No matter what, he wouldn’t have regrets.
**
*
When Sunoo placed 8th but still got to join the debut line due to being the producer’s choice, his heart felt as if it would beat out of his chest. When he joined the group of six, and they hugged him, he barely felt the burn of the mark over the beating of his heart.
**
*
So, he debuted. He was the seventh member of Enhypen. He had made it and debuted with these six amazing boys, and Yang Jungwon took the role as the leader. It was real. But, Sunoo still felt uncertain some nights, because did he really deserve this?
But everyone was very nice, and he had fought just as hard as them for this opportunity, so he’d do his best. Show them all he was much more than a pretty face. And Ni-ki … he had debuted with his soulmate. His soulmate, who yet didn’t know.
One of those nights, when he couldn’t sleep, thoughts spiralling through his head, he suddenly heard a sound in the otherwise silent room, something that stood out amongst the sound of soft snoring. It caught his attention immediately. Someone was crying. Sunoo opened his eyes, suddenly alert. Who…?
The sobs sounded muffled, as if the person in question was trying his hardest not to be heard. And Sunoo, had he not already been awake in his worries, probably wouldn’t had heard it. He took a breath, and tried to locate the sound. He couldn’t help but blink, when he realised the sound came from underneath his bunk. It was Ni-ki. Oh.
Sunoo swallowed, as he tried to decide what to do. The most sensible thing would probably be to pretend he hadn’t heard anything, he didn’t want to embarrass the younger. He knew Ni-ki was trying to act as mature as he could, even though he was… a child. He was just a kid, in a foreign country, and Sunoo’s heart ached for him. If he couldn’t be a support for his soulmate in his hard times, then what good was that connection they had?
Sunoo took a deep breath, and then whispered out in the dark.
“Ni-ki…?”
The sound stopped, at once, but when Sunoo strained his ears, he heard ragged breathing of someone who was trying not to make a sound.
Sunoo spoke again.
“I heard you, Ni-ki”.
He heard a gulp, and then a weak and hoarse voice spoke from underneath him.
“I’m fine, go back to sleep”.
Anyone could hear he was not fine. Sunoo took a breath, and then continued, feeling a bit out of his depth.
“Get up here, Ni-ki”.
Silence met him, and he could almost taste the surprise in it.
Sunoo swallowed, and continued.
“When I couldn’t sleep, my noona often let me sleep next to her. You have siblings too, right? It’s fine, I don’t mind. Come”.
His heart was beating in his chest, and for an awful moment he wondered if he had overstepped. But then, he heard the sound of sheets rustling, and how Ni-ki got out of his bed. In the next moment, Ni-ki started climbing the ladder to Sunoo’s bunk, and Sunoo looked at the far edge of his bed, and saw an outline of a body there.
Sunoo knew Ni-ki couldn’t see his face, still he smiled, and scooted closer to the wall.
“It’s fine”, he whispered, trying to sound reassuring, and lifted the blanket.
He heard Ni-ki gulp, and then he slowly crawled over the mattress, and then slumped down next to him, getting under the covers. It got silent for a moment, Sunoo waiting to see if the other boy would speak, but when he didn’t, he let out a breath.
His voice was low, hushed, as he spoke to his soulmate.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Ni-ki didn’t respond for a few seconds, just sniffing, but Sunoo patiently waited and eventually the younger boy responded in a whisper.
“I just… miss my mama”.
Immediately afterwards, Ni-ki rolled over to his back, so he wasn’t facing Sunoo anymore, rather facing the ceiling. As if he thought Sunoo would make fun of him for being homesick.
Slowly, Sunoo reached forward with his hand, ignoring the burning on his skin when he made contact with Ni-ki’s shoulder.
“I understand. It’s fine, Ni-ki. I miss my mum too”.
At that, Ni-ki turned his face to Sunoo again, and Sunoo smiled at him despite knowing Ni-ki wouldn’t be able to see him in the dark.
“I’m here, Ni-ki. You’re not alone. You got all of us, and you got me. When you feel homesick, you can sleep next to me. We can support each other”.
At that, Ni-ki let out a shaky breath, and before Sunoo could even blink, Ni-ki turned once more and pressed his face to Sunoo’s chest, fingers clenching the fabric of his pyjama shirt.
“Hyung”, Ni-ki let out, and Sunoo felt wetness against his chest.
It didn’t matter though, nothing burned more than the mark on his chest, pulsating and stirring because of the close contact between them. Sunoo took a breath, and then put his arm over Ni-ki’s shoulders, keeping him in place.
“It’s okay”, he murmured.
The feeling in his chest felt like it would consume him, all the affection and care burning his skin. Like that, the two eventually fell asleep, embracing each other.
The next morning, Sunoo woke up to Ni-ki next to him on the mattress. He smiled softly at the boy, and then carefully climbed over him, to not wake him up. Niki deserved the extra minutes. Sunoo’s chest felt full, and even when he was on his own in the bathroom, it felt like his mark was burning. It still burning by the time he was finished getting ready, and had covered the black letters.
The others teased them a bit, but Ni-ki acted as if nothing special had happened. For the rest of the day Sunoo wondered if he had imagined that whole conversation, and it bothered him, but when Ni-ki once more climbed into his bed the next night, and whispered out a small ‘ thank you for yesterday hyung ’ he knew it truly had happened.
After a while, he even learned to ignore the nightly burning of his mark. After a while he learned to not stare at it in the mornings when he used the bathroom, an immediate reaction to the way it felt when his soulmate touched him. After a while it became routine.
So, when it one night stopped, it was both a curse and a blessing.
**
*
Once, Jungwon brought up the concept of soulmates, mostly asking Jake, Jay and Ni-ki, wondering if it was viewed differently in another country. It was one of their evenings of free time, about a year after debut, and they were looking through Netflix to find something to watch. Sunoo was honestly surprised it had taken that long for anyone to bring it up within the group, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t uncomfortable to hear.
Hearing Jay talk about it, speaking as if it was a fictional concept - which it sort of was, to most people - had Sunoo feel as if he would pop on the spot. What if they knew that two in the group of seven were part of the small percentage? What if they knew one of those two was still hiding that fact?
When Jay was done, the details Sunoo had missed in his internal conflict, Jungwon turned to the maknae and Sunoo just knew he couldn’t listen to it. He couldn’t stand to hear of Ni-ki found it dumb or corny or bad .
On pure instinct, he jumped out of his seat on the sofa as soon as Ni-ki parted his plum lips, a thoughtful furrow between his brows.
All eyes turned to him, and Sunoo felt his face flush.
“Sorry”, he let out, sounding out of breath. “I’m tired”.
Jungwon spoke to him, a concerned tone in his voice.
“Really? Are you okay, hyung?”
Sunoo nodded frantically, faking a smile.
“Yes, just suuper tired”.
The rest of the group looked concerned, but they didn’t stop him. He didn’t dare to look at Ni-ki, fearing what he would see in the handsome face of his soulmate. With a last smile, Sunoo turned and fled the living room, walking to his bedroom and to solitude.
After that, they didn’t mention the concept around Sunoo any more. Even though they didn’t understand why, they could tell Sunoo wasn’t comfortable with the topic.
**
*
Every touch felt like he was once more being marked. Every touch, once more the words on his chest burned. And as time passed, he realised how completely alone he was. He was on his own.
**
*
It was autumn, and the weather had started to grow colder, a clear contrast to the hot summer they had been experiencing. Sunoo wasn’t good with the cold.
It was mid-november, which meant it was soon their two year anniversary as a group. Lots of things had happened in these two years, and Sunoo hadn’t ever imagined he would experience the kind of things he had with the rest of the members. Things were going well for them, and it felt like a blessing.
Being an idol, he had learnt early, meant you had to mask a lot of what you were feeling. You had to act a certain way, to not get into scandals and jeopardise your position in the spotlight. Sunoo thought he was an expert at this point.
Now, he was good at ignoring the tingling beneath his collarbone, whenever his soulmate touched him. It had been so long, that at this point it was natural that whenever they were close enough, his skin would burn and the letters would remind him of their existence. He didn’t even remember to check it all the time, barely noticing it was happening. The letters, 西村 力, which he now knew was the other boy’s name. It was terrifying, Sunoo always feared that one day the black letters would show through his smudge-proof makeup. And that they’d know. Everyone would know.
It was terrifying because at some point, during these two years, Sunoo’s feelings had… changed. He hadn’t noticed when it happened. When he first found out, Ni-ki had been a kid from Japan, someone who was hardworking and reliable, but it had been more admiration for the younger I-land participant, nothing more. It had been an interest and a wish to get to know him, of course, but that had been about it. Even when they debuted, Sunoo had been so happy, it had felt like fate, even if it was one-sided at this point, but he had truly believed that maybe, just maybe, they were platonic soulmates in a way.
But then, the time had passed, and Ni-ki had changed. One day Sunoo noticed that the boy who had been his height upon their debut suddenly was almost a head taller. Ni-ki had always been cute, but he had grown into his features, and he was… handsome. At this point, he couldn’t tell anymore, if the stirring on his mark was due to his soulmate bond or if it was just his pulse picking up. When Ni-ki paid attention to him, it made him feel all sorts of things, even when it was childish teasing. He had fallen in love with his soulmate, and it hurt, because Ni-ki didn’t know they were soulmates, and Ni-ki didn’t love him. And if he didn’t love him, or even liked him at this point, how could that change just because he suddenly turned seventeen and got his own mark?
It was mid-november, which meant Ni-ki would turn seventeen in a month. At this point, it was something Sunoo didn’t know if he dreaded or longed for. How would Ni-ki react, knowing that he was part of that small percentage? That Sunoo was his soulmate? That Sunoo had known for over two years, and hadn’t told him? How would the rest of the group react? Of course, the topic of soulmates had been up during talk shows, “ what if you found out your soulmate was an Engene? What would you do? ”, but Sunoo had always played the part of the 90% that didn’t have one, smiling at the camera and saying something along the lines of “ it would be the greatest honour, Engenes are my soulmates ”, just like the rest of his group, who as far as he knew were part of the majority. His thoughts and worries made his heart ache.
Or, maybe that ache was the mark, which was currently burning on his skin. They had a movie night, to celebrate that their comeback was almost upon them, and that they had some time to rest before they had to go back to working again. They had all settled down in the living room, talking and chatting as they watched a series on the television. One after one, members had excused themselves, but Sunoo had wanted to continue the series, invested in the plot. Eventually, it had just been him, Jungwon and Ni-ki left, and they had all taken the sofa, with the maknae in the middle.
After another twenty minutes, the youngest had rested his head on Sunoo’s shoulder, and he had felt the burn on his skin. When he glanced down, Ni-ki had fallen asleep. Jungwon had chuckled softly, and the two of them smiled at one another. Jungwon, of course, didn’t know about the bond nor about Sunoo’s feelings. Just like no one did.
Eventually, Jungwon had yawned and excused himself, and Sunoo bid him goodnight, going back to watching the television, trying to ignore the breathing against his neck and the burning on his skin. That was the situation he was in now.
Sunoo knew he had to wake Ni-ki up, it wasn’t fair to the youngest that Sunoo sat like this, his heart feeling too big for his chest, when the maknae most likely just took his shoulder on chance. To Ni-ki, he was nothing but a hyung. It hurt, but it was true. No matter what his brain sometimes told him, if Ni-ki said something to him or looked at him in a special way, or touched him in a way that made him imagine that maybe, just maybe they could be destined for that ‘real love’, it wasn’t true. He was just a hyung. At least for now. At least for another month.
Eventually, Sunoo felt himself grow tired too, but he couldn’t move in fear of waking Ni-ki up. The volume was low, and he knew the television would turn off on its own after a while, so he simply let out a breath and rested his own head upon Ni-ki’s, not caring about the pain his neck would be in the coming morning. With a beating heart, warm skin and a burning on his chest, the sound of Ni-ki’s breathing combined with the sound of the tv slowly lulled him to sleep. He’d allow himself this, at least for now.
It reminded him of earlier days, and falling asleep next to Ni-ki. It made him smile.