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Language:
English
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Published:
2022-03-15
Completed:
2022-04-12
Words:
22,477
Chapters:
14/14
Comments:
45
Kudos:
378
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48
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6,147

Fall Apart & Back Together

Summary:

It has been five years since Yamaguchi Tadashi has seen Tsukishima Kei.

Five years since Kei destroyed their relationship as easy as breathing.

Five years since Tadashi has so much as said his name.

Five years in which Tadashi was completely, wholly in love with Tsukishima Kei and five years in which Kei was completely, wholly in love with him too.

----

Tadashi has moved on. He lives in Sendai, teaches his kids, and pretends he doesn't cry himself to sleep some nights thinking about his former best friend.

Kei has also moved on. He has a son, now. He lives, eats, breathes Makoto. He works in the Sendai museum and makes sure Makoto is taken care of. He doesn't have time to pine after someone who rightfully hates him, or so he tells himself.

Notes:

I am not sure how many chapters this will be yet, but a few warnings before you dive in <3

-There is gratuitous homophobia in this fic (mostly from the Tsukishimas)

-In later chapters, there is vague mentions of non-con. It is not graphic and only a flashback, but still

-Yamaguchi and Tsukishima both struggle with anxiety, so panic attacks are bound to be written

There will be a happy ending, though. I think that's all, now enjoy!

Chapter 1: First Day of First Grade

Chapter Text

“He’s nervous,” Sugawara explained, flashing a tight smile at Tadashi. As easy as breathing, a gentle smile made its way onto Tadashi’s lips while he crouched down to Ryu’s level. The dark-haired little boy was stubbornly hidden behind Sugawara’s legs, studying the linolseum floor intensely.

 

“Hi. Your name’s Ryu, isn’t it?” Tadashi asked sweetly, coaxing Ryu’s dark-brown eyes from the floor. Ryu nodded, one hand still clenched tightly on the fabric of Sugawara’s pants. Tadashi’s grin grew.

 

“My name is Yamaguchi Tadashi, but you can just call me Tadashi. Do you think you’d like to come and see my room with me?” He asked, offering a hand, unsurprised when Ryu shook his head ‘no’ insistently. Tadashi retracted his hand, his smile still in place.

 

“That’s fine. Do you want your dad to come with us while we check out the room, instead, Ryu?” Sugawara looked relieved as Ryu nodded hesitantly. He pried his son’s hand off of his pants and held it in his own, giving Ryu a reassuring smile when the little boy looked up. The pair followed Tadashi as the teacher led the way into his room. 

 

The walls were painted a pale yellow colour, different encouraging posters were hung up in various places around the room. In the back right corner, Tadashi had bookshelves filled with thin, first-grade-level books. In the opposite corner, cubbies lined the walls with each student’s name plastered below it. A few of Tadashi’s students were already chattering to each other in place on the colourful mat that was in place in front of the dry-erase board.

 

“Ryu, sweetie, you see those cubbies? Go find your name and put up your backpack for me, okay?” Sugawara told Ryu with a kind but firm smile, leaving no room for argument. Ryu bit his lip but nodded, nervously walking towards the cubbies. Suga turned to Tadashi with a worried expression.

 

“Don’t worry, Suga. I promise he’ll be fine.” Tadashi assured his friend instantly, knowing very well Sugawara’s anxious tendencies.

 

“I know. I trust you, Tadashi, it’s just that he’s had such a difficult time in kindergarten. He hasn’t made any friends, either.” 

 

Tadashi was quick with a comforting hand on Suga’s shoulder.

 

“Suga, I’ll get him to reach out to someone. I’m pretty good with kids if you haven’t noticed.” He teased lightly, pleased when Sugawara cracked a humoured grin. The silver-haired man walked away, moving to say goodbye to his son, leaving Tadashi to survey his room.

 

Tadashi caught sight of a small, blond boy standing in the doorway. His eyebrows furrowed as he noticed that there didn’t appear to be an adult standing waiting with the little boy, which was unusual. Most parents liked to drop their children off personally on their first days. Tadashi approached the little boy, his best smile placed on his lips.

 

“Hi! My name’s Yamaguchi Tadashi, what’s yours?” He wondered curiously.

 

“Tsukishima Makoto.” Makoto introduced himself seriously, green-brown eyes glinting behind glasses with black frames. Tadashi’s eyes widened a little. Stop. There are plenty of Tsukishimas in the world. Do not correlate Makoto to him.  He reminded himself stubbornly, taking a deep breath.

 

“Well, hi, Makoto. Where’s your parents?” Tadashi glanced into the hallway, making sure he hadn’t missed anyone. 

 

Makoto shook his head.

 

“Parent.” He corrected, not at all perturbed by it. Tadashi blinked, unused to children with an air of such solemn attitude.

 

“He was late for work, so he had to leave,” Makoto informed him factually, not appearing even remotely upset about it. Most children around Makoto’s age would have been, and rightfully so because they didn’t usually have the capacity to understand there were more important things than them in the world. As a first-grader, Makoto’s world should’ve been all about him, but Makoto appeared to understand the logic behind his father leaving. It baffled Tadashi, just a little.

 

“Okay. Would you like to meet some of the other kids?” Tadashi asked sweetly, attempting to break past the walls Makoto seemed to have put up. Makoto shook his head, blonde curls bouncing.

 

“No. I’m going to go put my stuff up, Yamaguchi-san.” He bowed a little, his tone formal. Tadashi laughed, shaking his head.

 

“You can call me Tadashi, Makoto. It’s only fair, right?” He asked with a playful wink, garnering a raised eyebrow from Makoto. Then, a small grin appeared on his lips, and Tadashi felt victorious.

 

“I guess so.”

 

Makoto walked away, shouldering his backpack with more severity than Tadashi thought it warranted. Tadashi’s lips fell flat and he mused on his two latest introverts, Makoto and Ryu. He’d have to see about getting one of his more energetic students to befriend them.

 

Perhaps Emiko, a redheaded ball of energy that he could hardly get to focus at times. Even so, she had great social skills, which appeared to be something Ryu and Makoto lacked. When it came to their peers, that was. Makoto, at least, seemed to have a far better understanding of manners and decorum than the rest of Tadashi’s first-graders.

 

“Alright, settle down, class!” Tadashi clapped his hands, grabbing his students’ attention as he stood in front of the board. “Now, since it’s the first day of school, I want everyone to sit in a circle. Come on, let’s move.”

 

There was some shuffling around and more chatter than necessary, but eventually, Tadashi’s kids fell into a loose semi-circle. Tadashi joined them on the floor, making a few of the kids giggle.

 

“What?” Tadashi asked, pretending to be hurt. “Grown-ups can’t sit in circles, too?” That sent the students into further peals of laughter, bringing a grin to Tadashi’s lips. He noticed how Makoto was sitting a little outside of the circle, his attention fully occupied by the notebook in his lap. Ryu was sitting next to him, a wobbly smile on his lips.

 

“Okay, now, we’re going to go around in the circle and tell the group our names and two other things about us. Sound good?” Tadashi checked and was met with a chorus of enthusiastic yes’s.

 

“Alright, let’s start with…you.” Tadashi pointed at Emiko, knowing the little girl was itching to get started.

 

“I’m Bao Emiko! My favourite colour is blue and I like to garden! Me and my Mommy started a garden together!” Emiko clapped her hands together with a cheerful grin, punctuating her words. Tadashi nodded.

 

“That sounds wonderful, Emiko. I’m sure your garden is very lovely,” He replied, earning a broad smile from Emiko. 

 

This continued around the circle for a while more, until they eventually landed on Ryu. He seemed more put-together than he had been minutes ago, which was a relief for Tadashi. He didn’t want Ryu to cry on his first day, more because it would be embarrassing for him rather than Tadashi not wanting to deal with a crying child.

 

“O-Oh. I’m, uh, Sugawara Ryu. I like dinosaurs…and one of my dads is a cop!” Ryu seemed to grow more confident with his last fact. It made sense to Tadashi that Ryu would be put more at ease by mentioning his parents. Emiko raised her hand, catching Tadashi’s attention.

 

“Yes, Emiko?” He asked politely and Emiko frowned.

 

“Why does Ryu have two dads? I only have one dad!” She exclaimed, partly curious, and partly confused. Ryu seemed to shrink in on himself and Tadashi smiled softly.

 

“Well, Emiko, sometimes, boys fall in love with other boys. That’s why Ryu has two dads.” It was best to explain in simple terms, Tadashi figured, and Emiko tilted her head.

 

“Oh, okay!” She said cheerfully, accepting Tadashi’s words as answer enough. Tadashi’s gaze drifted to Makoto, who gave him an unimpressed look. 

 

“Tsukishima Makoto.” The blond muttered, his words short and clipped. Tadashi raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to gently remind Makoto of his two other things. Ryu beat him to the punch as he nudged his shoulder against Makoto’s.

 

“Come on, Mako.” The dark-haired boy whispered, earning a long-suffering sigh from Makoto. Tadashi suppressed a smile.

 

“I like to draw and I like dinosaurs, too,” Makoto grumbled, barely loud enough for the entire circle to hear, but Tadashi would take what he could get.

 

“That’s nice, Makoto. Maybe you could show us some of your drawings later?” He suggested easily and Makoto’s expression became shuttered as he held his notebook closer to his chest protectively.

 

“No,” He said firmly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and Tadashi laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. “Okay, not today.”

 

The black-haired girl next to Makoto introduced herself as Tamichi and Tadashi nodded, listening attentively. He glanced at Makoto, unable to help the grin that curled his lips when he saw Makoto and Ryu pouring over the pages of Makoto’s notebook.

 

Well, there’s that problem solved. Of course, he’d still make sure the two engaged with the class often enough, but as long as they had one friend, he was sure they’d be fine.

 

“What about you, Tadashi-san?” Haru, a free-spirited brunette boy, asked, successfully earning Tadashi’s attention. He grinned.

 

“Well, I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi, but most of you know that already. Hm, let’s see.” Tadashi tapped his chin, pretending to think.

 

“My very favourite colour is gold and I like arts and crafts! Speaking of, how about we all go pick out a desk. I’ve got a little project planned for us!” Some students groaned and Tadashi laughed as he stood up.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s going to be fun, I promise. And, it’s not homework! Yay!” He cheered expectantly and some of the kids giggled as they picked out their desks. “Choose wisely, kiddos. Your desk is going to stay the same for the rest of the year.” Tadashi warned, watching as they scrambled around.