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mingi had a little problem.
scratch that. mingi had a terrible problem, and he’s not exactly sure how it started, nor is he sure how to make it stop. all he knew was that when he got particularly stressed, upset, or otherwise needy, he really, really liked it when the members doted on him. he would never ask for it, always kind of just imply it with pouts that seemed comically out of place on the taller man, but the message got across just fine anyway. he really liked it when the boys accepted his long limbs sprawling all over them, when they wrapped him up in hugs and blankets, when they cooed at him and kissed his forehead or pressed their hands into his and laid kisses there too. but him liking all of those displays of affection wasn’t the issue, no.
it was how he felt while receiving that affection that was the issue.
the members would baby him, in all his six feet tall, deep-voiced, fairly muscled glory, and he’d feel small. he’d feel small in a way that called for more affection and attention than he was willing to admit to. would never admit to wanting the chaste kisses to last longer than probably appropriate, or wanting to be hugged and held until he fell asleep, or even wanting bathtime with the members, scrubbing at his hair and peppering his face and shoulder with kisses and showering him with praise because it was all so wrong. he eventually had to look up what it was, eventually had to find out that this small space he found himself coming back to was actually called little space and that he was age regressing, and he kept it to himself. any time he slipped, it was never fully; because mingi, as sensitive as he was, still had an image to uphold, still had boundaries he could not let himself cross, and admitting to wanting – needing – to feel and be small in this way sometimes was just not an option.
until it had to be.
until a particularly stressful practice resulted in the boys calling it done for the night, lest they overwork themselves to the point of anger and fatigue resulting in an even worse performance. hongjoong resolved to have them back the next day with clear heads, and while everyone else celebrated with sighs of relief and grumbles of gratitude, mingi felt himself on the verge of slipping. he stayed quiet, not knowing how to place his emotions, holding on by a thread on the way back to the dorms. even though the practice had struck a chord in all eight of them, everyone else seemed to be taking it just fine, blowing off steam by going to chat with fans on universe or playing a video game, intermittently ranting to each other about how the practice didn’t need to be as difficult as it was. mingi still had barely said a word, opting instead to just wedge himself between san and yunho who were caught up in a battle royale on the couch, hoping to leech some affection from them and let himself slip just a little bit. when the two older men at his side only half-greeted him and got back to their game, mingi tried to get their attention by laying himself across their legs, met by a request to “please get up, we don’t want to accidentally hurt you if we end up rage quitting”.
and mingi gets it. everyone was stressed out tonight, tired and looking to dissolve any tension in their own ways. but what about him? it felt unfair, even though he knew it was childish and selfish to think this. without a word, he got up from the couch, shuffling into his and san’s bedroom instead, not wanting to bother the other members and risk being shut out by them too.
despite his best efforts, he knew he was slipping fast, could feel tears start to prick at the corner of his eyes as he wrapped himself in his own blanket. he gets his phone out of his pocket to send a text to the groupchat, hoping at least one of them will come and be with him while he’s feeling little, even if they don’t know that’s what they’re there for.
mingi - 9:49pm
are u guys busy rn
does anyone wanna come lay down or something
and he feels so foolish, hot tears threatening to stain his cheeks because it’s embarrassing. he’s never sought this out before, has never had to ask for affection that was otherwise so normal and given, and he feels almost painfully immature for begging for someone to notice him and take pity on the fragile state he’s in right now. when several beats pass without so much as a “read” notification, mingi lets go. his tears fall freely, small sobs escaping his body as he puts his phone down and curls up impossibly smaller into the blanket. he’s well past slipping at this point and it’s almost scary because he’s never fallen into little space alone before. mingi’s unguarded now, has let himself fall fully into place and it’s a new experience he almost doesn’t want. the stress relief of being small is overshadowed with the anxiety of being entirely small and the loneliness of nobody being with him.
he cries unashamedly now, not entirely sure what else to do with nobody there to soothe his worries and not currently being in the headspace to self-soothe either. it’s unbearable, and then the door opens to san and yunho’s frames, blankets and pillows in hand; and then it’s even more unbearable, because mingi had resigned himself to riding out this little space alone without having to mask parts of it and so here he is, curled up and crying and entirely regressed without so much as a clue as to how to come back and it’s all too much.
“are you okay?” san is the first to ask, and it’s really not a question that needs an answer, because he can see the state the younger is in and already knows that anything other than “no” would be a lie.
“we just saw your text, figured we’d come in and cuddle with you since we finished the game and are no longer hazards to your physical health,” he tried, a feeble attempt to lighten the situation.
mingi bit his lips in an attempt to control his sobs, holding tightly onto the blanket to try and ground himself and nothing was working. yunho and san closed the door behind themselves, turning on the low light as they walked in and really got a glimpse of the younger in front of them. their hearts nearly broke in unison at the sight. they knelt at the bed mingi was laid on, yunho combing his fingers through mingi’s hair and san taking mingi’s hand in his own, playing with his fingers.
“i’ll be okay,” he mumbled weakly, believing it just a bit now that he was receiving the affection he’d been craving for hours.
“minnie,” yunho sighed, and mingi nearly wept at the nickname, “we know you will be okay. but you’re not okay right now. can you tell us what’s wrong?”
“please princess? it hurts to see you like this.” san tried, and mingi felt warm, felt that maybe it was okay to tell them since they’d already seen this much. he squeezed san’s hand a little tighter and gently tugged him into the bed with him. he looked up at yunho with pleading eyes, inviting him to do the same. mingi was sandwiched between the two men now, feeling a lot more at ease than he did just prior.
“‘m small right now,” he mumbled, and san and yunho didn’t quite follow, so he continued. “‘m small. practice made me sad. ‘nd then you two were busy ‘nd i didn’ wanna bother anyone else,” he bit his lip before continuing, not having made eye contact with either of them since he started talking. “i get small a lot. if ‘m sad or stressed, or if ‘m embarrassed. like…i am now…” he trails off, blush painting his cheeks.
yunho pressed a featherlight kiss to his cheek, encouraging him to continue. “go on baby, we’re listening.”
mingi squirmed at the attention, aware of the eyes on him as he attempted to explain some more.
“‘m always extra cuddly when ‘m small. it helps me feel better when ‘m big again. anyway, was sad ‘n small ‘nd wanted…this,” he attempts a small gesture at the position the three of them are in right now, “but ev’ryone was busy and i– i shut down,” mingi gnawed at his plush lip a bit before he finished, cheeks burning from the hot blush that decorated them. “‘m not usually this small. ‘m sorry.”
san and yunho exchanged glances at each other, not entirely sure what to say next or who should be the one saying it. it was san who ended up speaking first.
“it’s okay mingi–” mingi shook his head, and san somehow got the message instantly. “it’s really okay princess,” he repeated, smiling fondly when mingi pressed himself closer into his side. “we all relieve our stresses in different ways. for you, you just like to be small, right? there’s nothing wrong with that. so if you’re small, we’ll take care of you.”
“right,” yunho chimed in, continuing his gentle massaging of the younger’s scalp, “when you’re small, just tell us, okay? you can lean on us for anything, it’s okay.”
“and please let us know before it gets to be too much. we don’t want to find you small and crying like today,” san added softly, a pang of guilt hitting his chest as he recalled the younger’s attempts at affection earlier, “just let us know when you’re minnie and we’ll be there.”
mingi didn’t know what to do. it was overwhelming to have this kind of love and adoration directed at him when he was expecting nothing short of being shamed and shunned.
“you mean it?” he tried, a hopeful lilt in his fragile voice, sounding like any one word could break him apart and frankly, it could.
“promise,” yunho said, punctuating his vow with a kiss to the younger’s crown, “love you so much.”
“same here,” san echoed, wrapping his arms around mingi’s waist and burrowing his nose into the taller’s neck, drawing giggles from the ticklish sensation, “we love you so much, minnie.”
mingi felt like he was about to burst at the seams for a better reason this time. the three of them eventually dozed off, cuddled in the bed just barely big enough to accommodate all their large frames, but it was perfect. for mingi who needed this so badly, it was everything he could’ve hoped for and more.