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[1]
As the first test of the term approached, Alex studied so much that his eyes grew sore and bloodshot. He tried to push through the exhaustion, anxiety itching beneath his skin, but his brain was too threadbare to cooperate. On days like this, runs had become his saving grace. Today’s run had lasted upwards of two hours, and Alex had been forced to stop when his legs nearly crumpled beneath him, shivering with overexertion. He collapsed on a bench in the nearby dog park, settling in to people-watch until he’d caught his breath enough to walk the last few blocks to his apartment.
As his heart rate calmed, Alex’s gaze landed on a tall, blond man, his puppy rubbing against his shins and tail wagging. The man scratched behind the dog’s ears, then tossed a ball for the dog to chase after.
Alex dropped his head backward, closing his eyes, and startled when there was a shout, then something brushing across his leg, warm and furry.
“David!” someone shouted, and Alex’s eyes widened when he saw the blond man run after his dog, leash trailing behind the puppy.
“Fuck me,” Alex groaned, jumping up. Ignoring his legs’ complaints, he ran after the dog and was just quick enough to grab it right before it stepped on the sidewalk. The puppy—David, what the fuck kind of name was that?—was small enough to fit in the crook of his arm.
“Thank you,” the blond man said breathlessly as he reached Alex a moment later, smiling sheepishly. Alex’s face warmed at the sound of his English accent. “He’s much faster than I thought.”
“No worries,” Alex said, handing the man his dog. “This is… David?”
The man nodded. “David.”
“That’s a horrible name,” Alex said bluntly, and a laugh burst out of the man’s chest.
“He’s named after David Bowie.”
Alex blinked. “You’re kidding.”
He shook his head. “Nope.”
“Why not just name him Bowie?”
“That’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it?” the man asked, and Alex stared at him in disbelief. “He’s a little new to dog parks.” The man ran an affectionate hand over David’s head. “As am I. Truthfully, I’m new to the whole city. I moved here a few weeks ago and got him two days later.”
Alex nodded. “I assumed you were new. With, uh.” Alex gestured vaguely in his direction. “The accent.”
“I suppose that does give me away. You don’t sound like you’re from New York, either.”
“Oh, I’m from Texas.” Most of the time, Alex’s Texan accent wasn’t very noticeable, but the more tired he was, the more it seeped into his vowels, slow and syrupy. It didn’t help that the whole situation was disarming; he was exhausted and sore and helping a stranger from England catch his flighty dog.
The man smiled, revealing a row of neat teeth, and Alex nearly looked away. “Texas. I’ll have to visit some time.”
“Let me know when you go. Maybe I’ll tag along.”
The man laughed. “Will do.” He scratched David again, smiling when David pushed into his touch. “Well, thank you again, erm…”
“Alex,” he supplied.
“Henry.” He shifted his dog onto one arm, sticking his free hand out for Alex to shake. “It was nice to meet you, Alex.”
“You too. If you need anything else, let me know. I’ve learned a few things about New York after living here for two years.”
“Thank you. Unless you’re looking for a roommate, I’m alright, but I’ll keep your offer in mind.” Henry smiled. “Have a good day.” He dropped David to the ground, fingers looped through his leash, and allowed David to tug him toward the center of the dog park. Alex watched him go, feeling as though he had made a mistake.
“Wait, Henry,” he called out before he could register his own actions. Henry turned around, arm jerking when David didn’t stop running. He raised his brows as Alex jogged to reach him.
Alex grinned, nearly ready to collapse on his feet. He’d never been sorer in his life. “I might be able to help you with that.”
“Pardon?”
“With a roommate. I’m looking for a roommate.”
[2]
Alex hadn’t planned on advertising the empty room in his apartment until he had adjusted to the new school year, but Henry had seemed in desperate need of somewhere to live, and Alex got along with him well enough in the ten minutes he’d known him. Alex was confident in his decision after the lunch they’d set up upon exchanging numbers.
Henry moved in the next day and had proven to be an amazing roommate; he was quiet and tidy and kept to himself most of the time. The only time Alex was certain he would run into Henry was in the morning. They both seemed to struggle with sleeping through the night, and Alex had made it a point to wake up early enough to start the kettle for Henry’s tea.
“Morning,” Henry greeted through a yawn, rubbing his eyes. He’d been living with Alex for a month, and they had somewhat of a routine now. Alex set Henry’s mug in front of him.
“What are your plans for today?” Alex asked, and Henry took a sip of tea, scratching David’s ear.
“Well, I have a meeting with a publisher.”
Alex’s brows rose. “How do you feel about it?”
Henry thought about it. “I feel good. I think they’ll like it.”
“Of course they will. You’re, like, amazingly talented.” Alex turned off the stove and put two eggs on Henry’s plate.
“You haven’t read anything I’ve written,” Henry said wryly.
“Just the way you talk is already poetic enough. It’s like you’re Shakespeare or something.”
Henry’s brows furrowed in amusement. “I’m not sure—”
“Just eat your eggs and get ready for your meeting.” Alex returned Henry’s grin with a scowl. “What time is the meeting, anyway?”
“11.” Henry stole the fork off of Alex’s plate, ignoring Alex’s glare. “Why, do you need something?”
“I have a date tonight,” Alex confessed, sliding into the chair across from Henry.
“How does this involve me?” Henry asked.
“I was hoping you’d be able to help me pick an outfit. I haven’t dated since Nora, which is… a story in and of itself, but I feel a bit out of practice.”
Henry cleared his throat. “Right.”
Alex waited for a beat. “So…?”
His cheeks reddened. “Oh, erm, yes. I can help you.” He grinned. “As long as you tell me about this Nora while you get ready.”
Alex turned to start the coffee pot. “Whatever you want, princess.”
Alex returned from class to find Henry taking a drink of water, sweaty shirt discarded on the counter, and quickly avoided his eyes. David was passed out on the couch, sleeping so soundly that he didn’t hear Alex enter.
“Does a run mean the meeting went good or bad?” Alex asked, pointedly staring at the floor as he toed off his shoes.
Henry swallowed. “Erm, it went fine. It was just… anxiety-inducing.”
“That makes sense. I hope the run helped.” Alex eyed Henry’s shirt. “You’ll clean your sweat off the counter though, right?”
Henry flushed. “Yes. Sorry.” He tugged on the clean shirt he’d had draped over his arm, and Alex looked away when it clung to Henry’s chest for a moment.
“No worries.” Alex dropped his bag on the couch. “You ready to help?”
Henry nodded and set down his glass of water, following Alex wordlessly back to his room. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen your room.”
“You’ve lived here a month,” Alex said. “How have you not seen my room?”
Henry shrugged. “I wanted to give you your privacy.”
Alex opened the door. “Well, here it is. It’s astounding, I know.”
Henry took a step in, eyes raking over the walls. Alex had a plethora of pictures hung above his bed, and the surface of his desk was buried by books and notes from the past week of classes. Henry brushed his fingers along a flier on Alex’s bulletin board.
“You played lacrosse?” he asked, and Alex nodded.
“All through middle school and high school.”
“Do you miss it?” Henry asked, and Alex blinked, caught off guard by the question.
“Uh, yeah, sometimes. It was nice to have something to do other than school. I mean, I love school, don’t get me wrong, but…”
“It’s still stressful,” Henry finished, and Alex nodded again.
“Yeah. Stressful.”
Henry dropped his hand, turning to face Alex. “Alright. What are your options?”
“Um…” Alex pulled out a pair of dark wash jeans, slacks, and a few shirts, laying them out on the bed for Henry to survey.
“I like the jumper,” Henry said. “Could I see it on?”
Alex nodded, lifting his shirt up at the hem, and Henry made a startled noise. Alex swapped his t-shirt for the black sweater, shaking out his shoulders.
“What do you think?”
Henry nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yep. It’s good. It looks good.” He coughed. “It’s tighter than I thought.”
“You don’t think it’s too hot for a sweater? It’s only September.”
Henry waved that off. “Beauty is pain. I’m not sure that’s applicable, but I’ll stick with it.”
“I figured I could tuck it into something, but it doesn’t really match either of those pants…”
“What are those?” Henry asked, pointing at the dark green pant legs that had slipped out of one of Alex’s drawers.
“Oh, those are Dickies.”
“Dickies?” Henry repeated.
“I’ll just show you them.” Alex pulled them out of his drawer and unbuttoned his pants, and Henry turned to flip through the papers on his desk.
“Tell me about Nora,” Henry requested, and Alex tugged off his pants, dropping to sit on his bed.
“I’m not sure where to start.”
“How did you meet?”
“We’ve been best friends… God, we’ve been best friends forever. I can’t remember a time when Nora wasn’t in my life.” Alex buttoned the Dickies.
“So what changed to make you date her?”
“You can turn around now,” Alex said. “Nothing really changed, honestly. It's just…”
Henry eyed the pants. “Tuck in the sweater. And put on a black belt.” He waited as Alex obliged. “So why did you date her, then?”
Alex paused thoughtfully. “Everyone just always said we would. My mom and her parents were certain we would get married.” He shrugged. “She’s the only person who I’ve truly felt stupid around. Which, I know,” Alex said, cutting Henry off, “sounds conceited, but she’s insanely smart. And she’s funny, like me, and obviously beautiful, like me, and we just… That’s how everyone said it would be. So we dated.” Alex gestured to one of the pictures above his bed. “That’s her.”
Henry crossed the room and sat on Alex’s bed to see the picture of her face pressed against Alex’s, both of them smiling so wide their teeth almost touched. “Why’d you break up?”
“We both knew we were better as friends. After a while we just realized that we didn’t date because we liked each other, we dated because that’s what it felt like our future was.” Alex shook his head, rolling his eyes. “And now she’s flirting with my sister nonstop and I’m pretty sure June likes her back, which means that Nora will have dated both of us soon enough and that’s just fucking weird.”
Henry winced. “That is weird.”
“Claremont-Diaz genes are just too powerful, I guess.” Alex sighed, then took a step back from Henry, gesturing to his outfit. “So?”
Henry looked him up and down, then nodded. “It’s perfect. Wear the Chelsea boots you wore to class the other day.”
Alex was pleasantly surprised. “You remember what shoes I wear.”
“Yes, I have a memory.”
Alex grinned, then paused, staring at Henry curiously. “Tell me about your dating life. I’m sure women fall at your feet left and right.”
“And why would women be falling at my feet left and right?” Henry asked.
“Because you’re a poet. And you’re freakishly tall and classically handsome.”
“Classically handsome, huh?”
“Don’t let it go to your head,” Alex warned, and Henry laughed.
“There isn’t much to say about my dating life,” he said, looking down at his watch, “and if you don’t leave in twenty minutes, there won’t be much to say about yours, either.”
“Shit, you’re right.” Alex crossed the room to check his hair in the mirror.
“I’ll be in the kitchen to give you the final review when you’re ready,” Henry said over his shoulder as he left the room, closing Alex’s bedroom door behind him.
As Alex put on a few rings and refreshed his curls, he mulled over his feelings toward the date. When the girl in his Crim Law class—Vanessa—had given him her number, he had been excited to plan a date with her. He was nervous, sure, but he had been looking forward to it. Now, even when he felt and looked amazing, he found himself wanting to march into the kitchen and ask Henry questions until there was nothing left of Henry’s life to be revealed.
This, he supposed, should have put him at ease. It was nice that he found a roommate he liked so much. Others weren’t as lucky. If June were here, she would say he finally had a friend.
He sprayed on some cologne and showed Henry the final product, pleased when Henry looked him up and down and nodded approvingly. He checked the time one last time before clapping Henry on the shoulder, a gesture that felt foreign and impersonal, and slipped out the door, his fingertips tingling with the feeling of Henry’s annoyingly soft skin.
[3]
On a random day in October, Alex’s only class for the day was canceled. He took this as a rare opportunity to sleep past seven AM, and when he finally arose, Henry was sitting on the couch, tea mug in hand, eyes glued to whatever cooking show he had put on TV.
“Good morning,” Alex greeted, and Henry paused the TV, shifting in his seat to face Alex.
“I’m glad to see you’re alive,” Henry said, and Alex flipped him off as he started the coffee pot. “I can’t believe you slept in ‘till eight-thirty. It’s a miracle. Are you feeling okay?” he asked playfully.
“Are you?” Alex asked, leaning his hip against the counter. “You sound congested.”
Henry waved Alex off. “I’m alright. Healthy as a horse.”
He was, of course, not alright. Within two hours, his nose was red from blowing his nose so loud that Alex heard it over his music as he studied, and when Alex returned to the living room, he found Henry slumped on the corner of the couch, tissue box in hand and watery eyes fixed on the floor.
“Henry?” Alex asked cautiously.
“I think I’m a bit sick,” Henry said nasally, then sneezed into the crook of his arm, wiping his nose on his jumper as he did so. “Christ, this is disgusting. I’ll go to my room so you don’t have to deal with this.”
“Oh no you won’t,” Alex said, crossing his arms, and Henry’s brow furrowed. “Don’t downplay this. You look like a puppy that’s been kicked and left out in the rain. It’s pathetic. Even David is avoiding you.” He gestured at where Henry’s dog—who might as well have been theirs, at this point—laid on his bed in the corner, staring at Henry with wide eyes.
“I’m not downplaying it. I’ll just deal with it in my room. It will pass in a day or two, you know how these things go.” He moved to stand, but Alex shoved on his chest, pushing him back into the couch.
“No. I’ll make you some tea and my mom’s chicken soup, and then we’ll watch British Bake Off and you’ll drift off into a cold medicine-induced coma until dinner.”
“Alex, I’ll be fine. I’d rather just be alone.”
“Then I won’t talk,” Alex said. “It’ll be just like being alone, except you’ll have someone to make you more tea when you run out or throw away your dirty tissues.”
Henry stared at him for a long moment. “You’re not going to budge on this, are you?”
“Nope. It’s best to play along. I’m stubborn when I need to be.”
“And when you don’t need to be, too,” Henry muttered, and Alex flipped him off as he turned on the TV.
Henry fell asleep while Alex made the soup, but Alex woke him with tea and a warm bowl, not leaving Henry’s side until the bowl was empty and his mug was cold. Henry was silent except for a murmured thank you as Alex walked away with his dishes, and Alex nodded in acknowledgement.
When Alex sat back down, he pulled Henry’s legs into his lap, and Henry stiffened at the new arrangement, then softened, leaning back into his pillow.
“When I was younger,” Henry said quietly, “my dad would put on Looney Tunes or The Muppets every time I was sick. He always said, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’ and I knew it wasn’t true and that he was just trying to make me feel better in the moment, but I swear when he turned that on, I didn’t feel sick anymore.” Alex stilled, the weight of this story settling over him. “He did impressions of the characters, and I laughed until my stomach hurt, and then we fell asleep on the couch together. My mom always shook me awake later, and I’d lift my head off of his shoulder and drop it onto hers as she walked me back to my room. I would be asleep again before my head even hit the pillow, but she’d stay to run her hand through my hair for a bit until she was sure I wouldn't wake up again.”
Alex looked at Henry to find his eyes closed. He pretended not to notice the moisture clinging to his eyelashes. After a second, he gently slid Henry’s legs off his lap and crossed the room, pulling a DVD out of its case from the TV stand.
“The Best of the Muppet Show,” Alex read out, inserting it into the DVD player. “I like the Muppets, too.”
Henry opened his eyes and smiled faintly, watching as Alex sat down on the couch and moved Henry’s legs into his lap again. It was unbelievably stupid, but they both laughed at the show until Alex’s ribs hurt, and two hours later he drifted off, one hand on Henry’s knee and the other behind his head. When he woke up, he shut off the TV and draped a blanket over Henry, making sure to leave a box of tissues, a glass of water, and cold medicine on the coffee table in case Henry woke up while he made dinner. It was just more chicken soup, but Henry ate it appreciatively and immediately dozed off upon finishing. Alex tidied the apartment a bit, then collapsed into his bed, sore from sleeping while sitting up but unbelievably warm with the knowledge that Henry had trusted him with a small facet of his life. The story wormed its way into Alex’s chest, and he pressed his hand to the skin over his sternum, wondering if he would feel the change on the outside, too.
Alex inevitably got the same cold a few days later, but Henry was more than willing to take care of him. He refused to let Alex do any work, even offering to do Alex’s school work for him. Alex hadn’t meant to laugh, but he said, “You’re a poet, sweetheart, not a law student. Talk to me. Maybe that will make me feel better.”
Henry, unexpectedly, did. He pulled out his notebook and flipped to a random page, honeyed words spilling off his tongue, and they wrapped around Alex just like the story of his father had. He didn’t want Henry to stop, and he fought with sleep to listen to as many of the poems as he could, wishing he could understand them through the sickly, sleep-deprived fog in his brain.
Eventually, he fell asleep, and Henry tucked a blanket around him just as Alex had done earlier that week. He pretended to not wake up as Henry’s hands brushed across his feverish skin, and he hid his smile as Henry read one last poem and set water, cold medicine, tissues, and a folded piece of paper on the coffee table. When Henry’s bedroom door closed behind him, Alex opened the paper and wished he had his glasses, eyes skipping over the blurry letters. It was a poem, just for him.
The next day, he tucked it into his wallet so he’d never lose it.
[4]
Alex had slept fitfully. Tiredness clung to his bones like lead, but he waited until his clock read 6 AM, then slid out of bed, feet shuffling across the floor. It was nothing a coffee couldn’t fix.
Henry wouldn’t be up for another hour, so Alex set an alarm on his phone to remind himself to make Henry’s tea. When he stepped into the kitchen, he paused, meeting Henry’s wide-eyed gaze as he closed the front door behind someone.
“Um, who was that?” Alex asked, glancing at Henry’s hand on the doorknob.
“No one,” Henry said, cheeks bright red. “You’re, erm, up early.”
“Yeah, I didn’t sleep well…”
“How odd. You never have problems sleeping,” Henry said, voice half-hysterical with forced humor, and Alex raised an eyebrow.
“If you had a girl over, you don’t have to worry about me. I won’t judge.” Alex shrugged, taking the last few steps to the coffee pot. “Tell me about her.”
“Erm… I’d rather not.”
Alex paused, irritation flaring in his chest unexpectedly. “Why not?” He looked over his shoulder to watch as Henry fumbled for a response.
“I don’t typically kiss and tell,” Henry said finally, and Alex blew a raspberry at him.
“Boo. You’re so boring sometimes.”
Henry’s face broke with a small, relieved smile. “I’m sorry to disappoint.”
Truthfully, Alex wanted to press, but he knew it was inconsiderate. Instead, he listened as Henry told him about his and his best friend, Pez’s, adventures the night before. Alex didn’t miss the way he left the bar names out of his story, and curiosity seized hold of his thoughts for the rest of the morning.
By the time he and Nora sat down for lunch, he couldn’t stop his knee from jumping below their table. He was happy to see her, as he hadn’t seen her in about a month, but he couldn’t stop his thoughts from drifting.
“What’s got you so wound up?” Nora asked, taking a sip of her water with a sly smile.
“Nothing. It’s nothing.” Alex speared a piece of chicken with a bit more force than necessary. “And why do you look so smug?”
Nora ignored that. “Is this something to do with Henry?”
“Why would you ask that? What do you mean?” Nora raised a brow at him, and he deflated slightly. “It’s annoying. I’m being annoying.”
“What a surprise,” Nora said dryly.
“Henry had someone over last night, and he won’t tell me anything about her.” Alex looked down at his plate. “I’m being nosy, that’s all. It’s just… annoying that he won’t tell me. And weird that he didn’t want me to know about her at all. He must have woken up at, like, 6 AM just so he could shoo her out before I woke up.”
“How do you know it’s a ‘her’?” Nora asked, and Alex’s brow furrowed.
“What, you think he had a guy over? Why would he need to rush him out before I woke up then?” Alex asked, and Nora stared at him.
“You are so fucking stupid sometimes,” she said without malice, and Alex blinked at her, confused.
“What do you—oh.” Alex wanted to hit himself. “I can’t believe I just…”
“Yeah. You’re an idiot.” Nora took a bite of her sandwich.
“How sure are you that he’s gay?”
Nora hummed through her food, then swallowed. “Hmm, 94%. He’s a poet, for starters.” She tilted her head thoughtfully. “Actually, I feel like that’s the only evidence I need.”
“That’s a bit heteronormative of you,” Alex said, and Nora raised a brow.
“Okay, Mr. Henry-had-a-girl-over-and-now-I’m-foaming-at-the-mouth-with-jealousy.”
“You’re off your game. Your comebacks are usually more succinct.” Alex glared at her. “And what do you mean, ‘foaming-at-the-mouth-with-jealousy?’”
“Oh, are we not ready to address this?” Nora nodded. “Okay. Well, come back to me when you are.”
“Address what?”
Nora waved him off. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I have things to tell you.”
Alex rolled his eyes, dropping his chin into his palm as Nora launched into a detailed description of her current research project. Normally, Alex was more than happy to listen to Nora’s tangents, but today, his mind kept wandering back to the person Henry had ushered out of their apartment that morning. Was it a guy? What did he look like? How did he and Henry meet?
Studying was a lost cause, so he watched TV until Henry came home, then paused it, turning to face him. Henry was smiling, but when he saw Alex waiting expectantly, he grew tense, gaze averted. He took his time while he took off his shoes and hung up his coat.
“Hi,” Alex said, and Henry sighed, walking to the living room.
“I suppose you’re still wondering about this morning?” Henry asked, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch.
“I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to…”
“You’re practically bouncing in your seat. It’s fine, Alex.” Henry drew his knees up to his chest. “I’m just honestly surprised you could think I had a girl over.”
So Nora was right, then.
Alex frowned. “Why wouldn’t I think you had a girl over?”
“Alex, I read about twenty poems to you when you were sick, and they were all very obviously queer. I’m not sure it’s my fault that you had no clue.”
Alex laughed indignantly. “It’s not my fault, either! I was high on cold medicine and barely able to keep my eyes open!”
Henry laughed too. “Well, now that you’re fully lucid and burning with curiosity… I’m gay.” Henry scratched the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I first moved in. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, and… I just didn’t see the purpose of telling you. It changes nothing. It’s… it’s not like that with you.”
For some reason, Henry’s words stung. “Right. It’s not like that.” Alex nodded. “It’s okay. I’m glad you waited until you were ready to tell me. And, uh, I don’t mind or anything. I hope you’re not worried about that.”
“Thank you, Alex,” Henry said, obviously relieved. “I’m glad it doesn’t make you uncomfortable. Some men just assume that because I’m gay, I must be interested in them, and it makes everything unbearable. I tend to avoid it if I can.”
Of course. How fucking insensitive was Alex, a straight man, to be upset that Henry had said it “wasn’t like that”? Henry was his friend and his roommate, and Alex was being an ass. He felt sick.
“That makes total sense. I don’t blame you at all.” Alex shook his head in disbelief. “Wow, straight men are such dicks.”
Henry laughed, nodding. “Yes, they are.”
“But you’re really not going to tell me about this guy?” Alex asked, and Henry smiled slowly.
“Alright. What do you want to know?”
Alex asked questions, and Henry answered with ease, looking lighter in the sunlight spilling through their window. The man—Adam—was tall and dark and handsome, and Alex listened to Henry’s stories and ignored the ache in his chest as he did so. It was irrational, he knew, to be upset that his friend had had a one night stand. He should be happy that Henry trusted him enough that he handed Alex this piece of his life so willingly.
Henry grinned as he told the story, his hair a glowing halo as the sun set, and Alex pushed the sting to the back of his mind.
[5]
“I believe you’ve made the house as clean as it can be,” Henry said dryly, and Alex ignored him, continuing to wipe off the ceiling fan.
“There was dust up here, Henry. Dust.”
“We won’t be turning on the fan, Alex, it’s the middle of winter. This is a New Year's Party.”
“Yes, a New Year's Party in a small apartment. It’s bound to get hot.”
“Then we’ll open a window.” Henry pried the cleaning supplies out of Alex’s hands, set them on the coffee table, and grabbed Alex’s shoulders gently. “It’s going to be fine. Go finish getting ready.”
Alex went back into his room and changed into his outfit, stumbling in his attempts to be quick. He didn’t want to allow himself enough time to freak out while he dressed.
When he came back out, Henry surveyed him, eyes widening slightly. Alex looked down at his clothes. “Is this okay?”
It was a simple outfit, but Nora had insisted he wear black dress shoes with pearls sewn on the top, scattered like stars. He’d unbuttoned his shirt maybe once more than was strictly necessary and thrown on the few rings he owned. His bracelet caught the light as he held his arms away from his body so Henry could see.
Henry nodded, clearing his throat. “Yep. Yes. That’s good. You look very nice.”
Alex grinned, pleased. He wasn’t sure where his anxiety had gone, now that he and Henry held each other’s gaze, but he didn’t care to find out. “Thanks. C’mon, go get dressed. People will start getting here in, like, twenty minutes—oh, and June and Nora are on their way.”
Henry left Alex alone, and when Alex’s phone dinged with a text from Nora, the reality of his stress settled on him again.
Nora and June had never met Henry. They’d heard nearly every detail about his life that Alex knew, save for a few things that weren’t Alex’s to tell. Henry had, amazingly, become the most important person in his life other than his family and Nora, and the fact that it had taken almost six months for him to meet Nora and June felt wrong. Unfortunately, Nora had an insanely busy schedule, and June lived with their mom in Texas, so visits from them were few and far between. When Henry had expressed his excitement to meet them, especially now that June and Nora had finally made their relationship official a month prior, Alex had promptly panicked and locked himself in the bathroom.
He wasn’t sure why the prospect of them meeting Henry was so nerve-wracking. Alex wiped his sweaty palms on his pants as a loud knock startled him out of his thoughts. He opened the door to reveal June and Nora, arms linked and full of wine and flowers.
June immediately pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, and Alex wrapped his arms around her, overwhelmed by the familiar scent of her vanilla perfume.
“I’m going to assume Henry decorated a bit, because this looks significantly better than the last time I was here,” Nora said, and Alex disentangled himself from June, grabbing the things out of their arms.
“Fuck off,” he said, hugging Nora quickly and then setting everything down on the counter. “Are these flowers for me?”
“The pink ones are,” June said. “The white ones are for Henry.”
Alex turned on her. “Why flowers? I don’t even know if he likes flowers.”
Nora waved Alex off. “Even if he doesn’t, he’ll appreciate the gesture.”
“Where is he?” June asked, peering down the short hallway.
“He’s getting ready. I’ll, uh, grab him.” Alex stepped away from them, ignoring their whispers as he knocked on Henry’s bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“Uh-huh,” Henry said in reply, his voice muffled through the wood, and Alex opened the door, closing it behind him quickly.
“So, uh, June and Nora are—” His gaze landed on Henry.
“Too much?” Henry asked, then clicked his tongue, unbuttoning his shirt. “Of course it’s too much. Pez picked it out.”
“No,” Alex said quickly, and Henry paused, brows furrowed. Alex cleared his throat. “It looks good. I’ve just never seen you in anything glittery.”
“No one has.” Henry scowled. “For obvious reasons; it’s all over me. I feel like I’m going to a rave.” He wrinkled his nose, trying to scrub the sparkles off his skin.
“It adds to it,” Alex said, rubbing the back of his neck. “You look great. I like it.”
“Thanks.” Henry re-buttoned his shirt, rolling his shoulders out when he was finished. “Erm, what were you saying?”
“June and Nora are here. They want to meet you.”
Henry nodded, hands tensing at his side for a moment, and leaned his shoulder against Alex’s as Alex opened the door.
Within seconds, it was obvious that neither Henry nor Alex had needed to worry. June was ecstatic, and Nora raved about Henry’s poetry, using words so long that Alex wanted to hear them repeated in Henry’s accent, just to know what the long vowels sounded like on his tongue. Henry smiled and nodded and laughed at their jokes, and ten minutes later people were pouring into their apartment, greeting each other and bouncing their heads to the playlist Alex had curated specifically for the party. Henry’s appetizers were a hit, and shots were passed around until everyone was happily tipsy, warmth spilling through the cramped space and curling up Alex’s spine.
Pez was delighted to meet Alex. He threw an arm around Alex’s shoulder and tugged him around the room, introducing him to the people he and Henry had invited. Henry followed them, a silent participant, but did not seem unhappy about it. He nodded encouragingly the few times that Alex caught his gaze. It was much more reassuring than Alex was willing to admit.
A few drinks later, Alex's nerves were drowned by the resulting buzz. Pez had invited a few people that even Henry hadn’t met, and a few of Alex’s classmates had shown up a bit later. The apartment was cramped, but it was nice to have so many people there. He turned the music up and danced with Nora until sweat beaded on his back, then cracked one of the windows, sighing when a cool gust of air burst into the room.
Henry was standing by the window, glass of wine in hand, watching everyone dance silently. Alex made a disapproving noise.
“Quit being a buzzkill, sweetheart!” Alex ordered over the music.
“Pardon?” Henry shouted back.
“Come dance!” Alex wrapped his hand around Henry’s wrist and tugged him to the center of the room, releasing him so he could lift his arms in the air.
“I don’t typically dance,” Henry said apprehensively, and Alex rolled his eyes and planted his hands on Henry’s hips, forcing him to move.
“Just have fun! Who cares if you look stupid?” Alex’s grip tightened, and Henry downed the rest of his wine in one gulp, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. Warmth fluttered in Alex’s stomach, and he absent-mindedly hoped he wasn’t going to be sick soon.
“Alright. One song,” Henry agreed.
He was, objectively, terrible at dancing, but Alex lost most coordination when he was this high on socialization and this many drinks in, so he gave Henry the benefit of the doubt. He refused to let Henry leave after the first song, and Henry cooperated with surprising ease. A few songs later, Nora tugged on Alex’s shirt sleeve and asked where his phone was so she could add a song to the queue, and when he turned back around, Henry was ducking into his room, empty wine glass abandoned on a side table.
Frowning, Alex followed him. He knocked on the door lightly. “It’s me.”
“Come in,” Henry said, and Alex opened the door as little as possible, sliding in through the gap and locking the door behind him.
“Is something wrong?” Alex asked, sitting beside Henry on his bed, and Henry shook his head immediately.
“No, I’m having a wonderful time.” When Alex didn’t look convinced, he added, “I promise.”
“So why are you here by yourself?”
Henry looked down at his hands for a moment, and when he met Alex’s gaze, his eyes were crystal clear. Alex wondered how he had never noticed the flecks of green in them before. Why had he never looked this closely?
“I enjoy being around people, I do, but I’m not like you. You come to life when you’re surrounded by strangers. I find people exhausting.” Henry shrugged.
“I understand.” Henry gave him an unconvinced look. “Well, I mean, not really, but I kind of do. It makes sense.”
Henry forced a reassuring smile. “I’m having more fun than I anticipated, which you should consider a victory, but I just need a moment to myself. I won’t be long.”
“Oh. Of course.” Alex stood. “Sorry. I’ll, uh, leave you be.”
Henry’s hand encircled his wrist. “No, stay.” His cheeks turned pink. “I mean, you don’t have to go, if you don’t want to. I don’t find you exhausting.”
So, Alex stayed. They sat in comfortable silence, and eventually, Henry asked him who had put on this God-awful song, and the bass thrummed in Alex’s feet as he jumped up, eyes wide.
“Oh my god, this is my shit!” Alex exclaimed, grabbing Henry. He shoved out of Henry’s bedroom and into the living room, where Nora pulled him close, twisting her hips in a way that would have been flirtatious if it were anyone but the two of them. Alex threw his head back and laughed, and something about the way Henry lifted his drink at him and downed it in one go made his heart thump faster in his chest.
“It’s a minute ‘till midnight!” someone exclaimed, and the room began to rearrange, groups reassembling and couples reuniting.
“10! 9! 8!”
Henry reached Alex’s side, smiling.
“7! 6! 5!”
Nora pinched Alex’s arm playfully, murmuring something in his ear he couldn’t understand.
“4! 3! 2! 1! Happy New Year!”
The room erupted with cheers, and Nora stumbled against Alex as she yanked June into a playful kiss, both of them giggling into each other’s mouth. He whooped, glancing up at Henry, who looked torn, lips parted with words half-spoken.
Nora tugged Alex forward, kissing him sloppily, and Alex laughed into it, mind half on Nora and half on Henry. Nora pulled away after a short moment, messing up his hair for extra effect.
“We had to keep the tradition going!” Nora shouted, smirking wickedly.
“You have a girlfriend!” Alex yelled back, shaking his head with a grin, and he turned around to look for Henry. He was nowhere in sight. Frowning, Alex scanned the room, but Pez grabbed him to introduce him to a man whose name Alex forgot instantly, too preoccupied with Henry to worry about whatever stranger Pez had brought into his home.
Henry resurfaced a few minutes later, but somehow, he always managed to be on the opposite side of the room, and just as Alex should reach him, he’d be somewhere else, drink in hand and cheeks flushed. He was talking to the guy Pez had introduced Alex to less than twenty minutes prior, and Alex’s gaze landed on Henry’s hand, which rested on the man’s arm for a moment as he laughed, head thrown back. Alex stiffened.
A few more drinks were in order, and Alex allowed himself to be passed through the crowd, wishing everyone would go home—and soon enough, people began to trickle out of his apartment, saying exhausted goodbyes. Alex’s phone buzzed with a text sometime near three AM, which read,
Henry 💩
I’m going home with Matt. See you in the morning.
Alex looked up just in time to see Henry being led out the door, mouth split in a wide grin. Alex’s stomach lurched, and he set his drink down, pushing through the crowd to find Nora.
“I’m gonna go to sleep,” he said.
“What the fuck? You’re so boring!” Nora’s words slurred together, and June laughed into her shoulder.
“Just tell everyone to be out by four for me, okay?” Alex requested, and Nora nodded dutifully while June saluted him, then planted a kiss on his cheek.
“Go be mopey in your room. You’re bringing the vibe down,” Nora said, and June gasped, then fell into a fit of giggles, slumping against Nora’s side.
“Will do.”
It was entirely too loud to sleep, and Alex probably wouldn’t have been able to, anyway. He crawled out of bed sometime later and hunched over the toilet, eyes watering as the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed crept up his throat. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, then flushed, brushed his teeth, and opened Henry’s door, hoping against all hope that Henry would be there. He couldn’t be blamed for it when he fell asleep in Henry’s bed. He was drunk, he rationalized. He was drunk and tired and most definitely not ignoring the ache in his chest that had followed Henry leaving with someone else.
There was no rational explanation for the pit in his stomach. He was not into Henry. He could not be into Henry.
Fuck.
+1
“Alex,” Nora said, her voice tinny through the speakers of his phone as he paced his room. Henry had left twenty minutes prior to take David to the dog park, and Alex had called her the instant the door closed behind him. “I’m not sure what you want from me. It sounds like you have your answer.”
“Okay. Yes, objectively, when I list all of those things out, all the signs point to the possibility that I’m not straight. I know this. But, like…”
“Denying it won’t make it less of a fact.”
“What do you think?”
Nora hummed. “99% chance of latent bisexual tendencies. Wait,” she said, interrupting Alex. “100%. 100% chance.”
Alex groaned. “You’re insufferable.”
“You sound like Henry. You know, imitation is a sign—”
“Shut up. I hate you.” Alex collapsed back onto his bed. “Well, now what?”
“Go tell Henry and do weird things with him that I definitely won’t discuss with Pez,” she said, like it was truly that simple, and Alex shot up, propping himself on his elbows.
“You’re talking to Pez?”
“June and I have kept in touch with him, yes,” Nora said, and something about her tone left more to be revealed.
“I don’t even wanna know right now,” Alex groaned, dropping his head in his hands. “I can’t just... tell him I might be bi, Nora. Just because he’s gay does not mean it’s reciprocated.”
Nora scoffed. “Don’t play humble now. You weren’t being all, this doesn’t mean she likes me when that girl asked for your number a few months ago.”
“That was so long ago, I don’t know why you keep—”
The door to the apartment banged open, and Alex froze, eyes widening when he heard Henry’s frantic scrambling in the kitchen.
“I, uh, I gotta go, Nora,” Alex said, rushing to his bedroom door. “Tell Bug I say hi.” He hung up before she got the chance to say goodbye, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Henry, what’s—?” He broke off with a mangled gasp, hands flying to his mouth. “Oh, my god.”
“Another dog,” Henry croaked, eyes bright with tears. “I couldn’t stop him; I didn’t know what to do.”
In his arms, David was breathing rapidly, the white patches of his fur stained with blood. Alex couldn’t find the source of it, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to.
“Okay,” Alex said, thoughts flying a million miles an hour. “Okay, um…” He winced when he glanced at Henry’s shirt, which was painted red and heaving with his chest. “Okay. We need to go to the vet. Do you know where your vet is?” When Henry nodded, Alex held his arms out. “You drive. I’ll take him.”
Alex had never been driven around by Henry, but he assumed that under normal circumstances, Henry was a bit less frantic. Alex ran a hand over David’s head and spine, murmuring words even he didn’t understand, and Henry threw the car in park, rounding the front in three strides to open the door for Alex.
“This way,” Henry murmured, arm around Alex, and this was the worst time for a thrill to go down his spine at Henry’s touch, but he leaned into him, following him into the waiting room. Henry talked to the secretary, voice low and much more controlled than he had been in the car, and Alex sat down in one of the seats, David shivering in his lap.
Alex wasn’t sure when, but at some point, he had shifted David in his arms and taken Henry’s hand into his. Henry had squeezed his hand, so Alex had decided not to overthink it. Maybe, when David was better, Alex would bring it up. Just test the waters. In the meantime, this was enough.
It felt like hours before they were called into a room, and Henry didn't release Alex’s hand, allowing Alex to lead him. The doctor looked over David and described the severity of his wounds, and Henry leaned heavily against Alex’s side, nodding along. Alex couldn’t bear to listen.
“We’ll keep him for surgery overnight,” the vet said, and Henry closed his eyes. “I can’t promise anything. The wounds to his face are the most worrying, so I want to be able to monitor him after surgery. I’ll call you tomorrow with a report of how it went.”
Henry let out a breath. “Can we say bye to him before we leave?”
“Of course.” The vet stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her, and Henry dropped Alex’s hand to stroke David. Alex stood back until Henry grabbed his hand again and tugged him forward, and they pet David until he drifted to sleep, body still for the first time since Henry had burst into their apartment.
“We should go,” Alex whispered, checking his watch. They’d been there for nearly three hours, and the sky had darkened, the morning’s thick clouds giving way to pounding rain.
Henry stood. “Okay.”
Alex drove them home, and Henry stared out the window silently, gazing at the water rivulets streaking the glass. He didn’t speak as Alex put his jacket around Henry’s shoulders and led them inside, the rain soaking Alex’s shoulders and hair. Water dripped onto the floor when they walked through the door, and Henry sat down on the couch while Alex made his tea.
He sat down beside him, pushing the warm mug into Henry’s grasp. “Are you okay?” Alex asked. The question felt stupid, and he regretted it almost immediately, but Henry shrugged.
“He’ll be okay. That’s all that matters.”
“Are you sure?” Alex asked, and before he could register it, Henry’s mug was on the coffee table and his legs were drawn to his chest, a quiet sob tearing through his chest. Henry smashed his cheek against his knees, face away from Alex.
“Henry,” Alex said, alarmed, his hands fluttering around his shaking form helplessly. “What—?”
“David was the first thing that was truly mine.”
Alex blinked in confusion. “I’m sorry?”
Henry took a deep breath, attempting to steady himself. “I lived with Pez before I moved in here,” he said, his voice wobbling and worn thin, “and all I had was the clothes I could fit in my suitcase and the inheritance from my father.” He sniffled, turning his head to look at Alex. “I couldn’t stay with Pez; I needed to do something for myself. Leaving London was already difficult, but relying on him just felt like a burden. I couldn’t do it.”
“Why did you leave London?” Alex drew his legs up to his chest, mirroring Henry.
“I came out to my gran,” Henry said, closing his eyes, and Alex’s stomach lurched. “She didn’t handle it well. My mother—well, after my dad died, she never really was the same. She wasn’t my mother anymore. But something about my gran’s reaction woke her up, and then it was constant arguing. My gran started taking it out on Bea, my sister, bringing up her addiction and how it ‘affected the family image.’ I couldn’t do that to my family.” Henry opened his eyes. “I left about a week after coming out. I haven’t talked to my gran since.”
Alex stared at Henry. “I’m so sorry, Hen. That’s fucked up. You deserve… so much better than that.”
The corner of Henry’s mouth lifted with a phantom smile. “Thank you, Alex.” He closed his eyes again, his face crumpling. “I just can’t imagine losing David. I feel like I just got him.” He buried his face in his hands. “Christ, this is embarrassing. Forgive me.”
“This isn’t embarrassing,” Alex said, as though that were the most ridiculous thing Henry could have said, and in Alex’s mind, it was. “I cry all the time. Who gives a shit.”
“You’ve been too kind to me, honestly,” Henry said, voice muffled by his hands, “and I don’t mean to burden you.”
“You could never be a burden, Henry.”
“I just—” He scrubbed the tears off his cheeks, water still clinging to his long eyelashes. “I just don’t know what I would have done if I had lost him. That was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I’ve never felt so helpless.” Henry ran a hand through his hair, the blond strands sticking up at odd angles. “If he didn’t make it, I don’t know what I would have done. He’s all I have.”
“You won’t lose him. I won’t let you.”
Henry met Alex’s gaze, his nose and cheeks bright pink. “It might be out of your control, Alex.”
Alex shook his head. “No. Nothing’s out of our control. We can do this.” He reached out and set his hand on Henry’s, which was resting on Henry’s knee, and squeezed. “David will make it out of surgery, and we’ll pick him up together, and then we’ll nurse him back to health together, and soon enough he’ll be prancing around the house and begging for food like nothing happened.” He flicked Henry’s arm. “And what’s this, ‘he’s all I have,’ bullshit? I’m right here. You’ll always have me, Wales, even when you wear God awful ties or get snot all over my couch.” Henry laughed despite himself. It was weak, but Alex practically glowed with triumph. “It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared too. But fuck you if you think you don’t have anyone but your dog. I’m right here.”
Henry’s gaze darted over Alex’s face, his blue eyes wide and trusting. “Christ, Alex, I—” He shook his head, unable to resist smiling. “You’re just—just—” Henry swore under his breath, one hand cupping Alex’s cheek and the other threading through Alex’s curls, and holy shit, Alex thought as he kissed him, this may be the best moment of my life.
Henry’s lips were soft and wet with tears, and Alex made a startled noise into his mouth, clutching at Henry’s shoulders. Warmth spread through his chest as though his heart cracked into two, open just for Henry, who kissed like he wrote poetry—lovingly and gracefully and as though it was the only thing that mattered in the world. Alex grinned, shoving Henry’s legs down so he could pull him closer, hand trembling as it curled around the junction between Henry’s shoulder and neck. His thumb brushed against Henry’s collarbone, and Henry shivered, breaking away. Alex chased his mouth, and Henry laughed, planting five quick kisses on Alex’s lips before forcing Alex to pull away, his eyes drinking Alex in.
“I—” Henry laughed again, shaking his head, and dropped his forehead onto Alex’s shoulder. “God, Alex, I’ve wanted to kiss you since the moment I first saw you.”
Alex brushed a hand over Henry’s head, resting it at the nape of his neck, and the action just felt right, as though he had been waiting to feel Henry’s soft hair beneath his fingertips for years. “I’m not surprised. I’ve been told I’m irresistible.”
Henry shoved him playfully, beaming so wide that his eyes crinkled, and Alex wanted to kiss the resulting lines that creased Henry’s skin. He did.
“I do, erm, have some questions,” Henry said as Alex trailed kisses down his cheek and along his jaw, smiling into it.
Alex hummed, leaning back to meet Henry’s eyes. “Like what?”
“Well, for starters—”
“I’m bi,” Alex interrupted, his free hand lifting to rest against Henry’s side, “and I’m most definitely into you.”
“Oh,” Henry said, sounding delightfully surprised, and Alex scooted closer to him.
“I know this is a weird time, with David and your gran and all that, but… Jesus, you’re, like, nauseatingly perfect and wonderful, and if you don’t want anything serious, I understand—”
“Shut up,” Henry said through a smile, pulling Alex to him again, and Alex allowed himself to be kissed until he could barely catch his breath. When they pulled away, they were both grinning like idiots. “Of course I want to be with you, you fool. Why would you ever think I wouldn’t? You’re insufferable.”
“You love it,” Alex said, smirking, and Henry laughed.
“You’re right. I do.” He kissed Alex, but pulled back after a moment, brows furrowed. “Didn’t you ever read the poem I gave you?”
Alex frowned. “Yeah, when you gave it to me. It’s in my wallet.”
Henry let out a surprised laugh, pulling Alex into a hug. “You absolute idiot. I practically confessed my love to you in that poem.”
“I was high on cold medicine!” Alex insisted indignantly, and Henry laughed again, pressing his lips to Alex’s forehead.
“You’re lucky you’re gorgeous. It makes up for your complete lack of self-awareness.”
Alex’s cheeks warmed, and he grumbled under his breath, leaning into Henry’s chest.
“Pez will be ecstatic.”
Alex smiled despite himself. “Nora, too.”
“Nora knows?” Henry asked, looking pleased.
“Of course she does. She’s my best friend, and she’s bi, and there was no way in hell I was going to talk about you to my sister.”
Henry slipped his hand into Alex’s. “I never thought this could be a possibility.”
“Me neither, honestly,” Alex said. “I’ve done a lot of things that are definitely not straight in my lifetime, but I didn’t question until I met you. I probably should have been questioning for years.”
“I’m just too irresistible,” Henry said, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face.
Alex rolled his eyes. “You’re the worst.”
“You’re wonderful,” Henry murmured, leaning in close enough that their noses touched, and Alex smiled despite himself. “I adore you.”
“Prove it,” Alex whispered in challenge, tilting his chin forward, and Henry grinned, pressing his lips to Alex’s.