Chapter Text
The wind of Csilla was a harsh cold. Thrika doubted anyone could get used to it. That was why they had moved underground of course. She felt alone in the skycar that would take her to a transport off world. Her hands were still bound together by the metal cuffs. She was still being treated like a prisoner and a criminal, she didn’t care. She was home where she could help the Ascendancy, and that was all that mattered.
Her plea to the Syndicure had surrounded the sky-walkers. She told them of the Jedi she had met. Ezra Bridger would provide such a great help to the sky-walker program as he knew so much of the Force. She had seen him in action. As far as what the Force was, he could explain that.
She told them about the Galactic Empire. How strong it was, how its leader was corrupt but as soon as he was replaced she knew it could be a great ally.
She told them of the Chiss Jedi who they had sent away and never bothered to go check on. Of course, she expressed that diplomatically. And she left out the part where he was her long-lost little brother. That was personal, they didn’t need to know it. She wasn’t even supposed to know it anyway.
Her plea had been enough to change her sentence from being once again put into exile to being concealed away.
“You will remain confined on a ranch near the Seekers Shadehouse. There you’ll spend the remainder of your days. You will offer aid to the seekers program as you can. Otherwise, you will stay out of Chiss affairs.”
Thrika nodded and thanked them for listening to her. Then she was escorted away.
The trip to Ool felt both like the longest and shortest of Thrika’s life. She remembered when she was taken into exile. There was a plan, a mission. She could view it with the same single mindedness that she viewed any other military operation. This was different, this time she knew that her usefulness had almost waned completely. Yes, she would still help the sky-walkers, but it wasn’t really her helping, it was Bridger. She would forever be grateful to him for agreeing to do this. He was a noble young man, and he couldn’t help but to offer assistance where he saw it needed.
The ranch was secluded. Naturally, considering it was near a top-secret government program. Thrika had never been to Ool before. An agricultural world, she knew. She could hear the packbulls whinnying in their pasture. The Mitth guard poked her back with a charack, which seemed incredibly unnecessary.
She walked to the door and knocked on it. Straightening her posture, she waited. A man opened the door less than a minute after she knocked.
“Are you-“ she started but he cut her off.
“Yes, I am Bomarmo. You’re Thrika. We know each other’s names. Now come on in.”
Thrika blinked at Bomarmo. Then, she remembered when she was a child on Rentor people didn’t care much for formalities. She assumed it must be the same for him.
He led her inside and showed her to the room that was to be hers then he brought her to a little sitting room.
“Would you like some Caocoleaf tea?As I understand, you’ve been away from the Ascendancy for a long time. You must miss the simple pleasures.” She could tell he wasn’t really looking for an answer as he was already making the tea in the Kitchen.
“They had something similar in Lesser Space.” She said, “But yes, I do miss it.”
After a few minutes he brought her the tea and sat down in a chair across from her. Nothing but the sound of the wind and packbulls outside filled the room for a good few minutes.
“What’s your story, Thrika?” Bomarmo asked suddenly.
“What do you mean?” Thrika’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.
“How exactly did you come to be here?”
“I was sentenced to live here because I went against my original sentencing of exile.” She explained simply, feeling shame rise in her gut.
“No, I know about that. What did you do while you weren’t really in exile?”
“I was found by the Empire from Lesser space. They took me on as an officer and I rose high in the ranks. Two years ago, in a battle with the Rebellion, my ship was… forcefully taken out of the fray and back into the Chaos. Recently, as I’m sure you know, I was found on the planet where we had been shipwrecked and brought back here.”
“I see. I assume we will have plenty of time for you to tell me more stories. I’ve never been to Lesser Space, I’m interested to know what it’s like.” Bomarmo said with a surprisingly playful expression.
“Well, I have plenty of those.” Thrika smiled back. Wait, smiled? Why was she smiling at this man? She barely knew him. Her normal composure returned. “Anyway, thank you for allowing me to live at your home. I’m sure it’s not very convenient.”
“And as I’m sure you’re already aware, it wasn’t exactly my choice.” He said. But, strangely, there was no bitterness to his tone. He was just accepting of her presence there, welcoming, even.
“Sorry to barge in on your life.”
“There’s not much to barge in on, I assume you’ll be helping me around the ranch?”
“I certainly can.” She said, it could be nice actually, it would give her something to do, a continued routine that she was already so used to.
“Then there isn’t a problem. You’ll be a nice addition.” Bomarmo looked at her for a moment. “If it makes you feel any better, I probably would’ve taken you even if they hadn’t made me.”
“Really?” She looked up into his eyes.
“I have heard of you.” He said softly. “You’re a hero.”
Thrika laughed without humor at that and shook her head. Maybe he was a fool to really think that. She wasn’t a hero, she was more like a villain. At least that’s probably what her brother thought. Bridger certainly didn’t have a problem with reminding her of that. Even Vanto had seemed angry with her the last time he saw her.
“It wasn’t a joke.” Bomarmo raised an eyebrow. “At least my friend Thalias tells me of your heroics. You saved the Ascendancy according to her.”
“Thalias?” Thrika looked back at him, her eyes widening. “You know her?”
“Yes, she worked at the Shadehouse for many years.”
“And you work there too?”
“No. But they sometimes use my house as an auxiliary to the Shadehouse. That’s only when their numbers are great enough and they need the extra space. Which happens so rarely.”
“I see.” Thrika nodded “I’m sure you have just as much choice in that as you did me coming to live here?” She asked with wry humor.
“Naturally.”
They paused for another beat. The silence wasn’t quite as uncomfortable as it had been before. It was nice, Thrika couldn’t remember the last time she felt this light.
~
“There’s someone at the Shadehouse who would like to see you.”
“Oh?” Thrika looked up from the garden she was tending. It was one of the researchers. “Alright then.”
She just put the tools down on the ground, figuring she could come back to them later and stood up. She dusted her coveralls off, the red dirt that covered the front of them falling back to the ground.
“Come on.” The researcher said. “He’s a very busy man and he hasn’t got all day. Neither do I for that matter.”
“I understand.” Thrika said calmly, though in actuality she was quite irritated. Everyone on Ool was so rude, except Bomarmo, of course. He had been nothing but sweet and charming the entire time. He was shaping up to be a very good friend indeed.
She followed the man until she got to a small conference room within the Shadehouse where she was instructed to sit and wait until he (whoever he was) arrived to speak with her.
Nearly ten minutes passed before she heard the door click open. Thrika looked up to see who was walking in. She almost gasped. It was-
“Eli?”
“Good day, Mitth’rik’ardokodo.” He said, barely looking up at her.
“Are you angry with me?” She asked
“No.” Vanto sighed and put down his questis. “Not really.” He looked at her with almost a pitiful expression and sat down near her.
“What have you come here to speak with me about, Commander Vanto?”
“Well, it’s about the boy you brought with you.” Vanto said. “He doesn’t know Cheunh, of course, so I’ve been assigned here to translate for and teach him.”
“Are you disappointed with that assignment?” Thrika asked.
“No.” Vanto shook his head, “After all, last time I was given an assignment like that it worked out pretty well.”
“I’m glad you feel that way.” Thrika said, honestly. “What is it that you needed from me regarding him?”
“Well just basic information. Who he is, where and how you found him, that kind of stuff. I mean I already asked him a lot of it. But I figured it would be good to get your side of the story too.”
“Well just ask anything you need.”
“In a moment.” Vanto tilted his head slightly at Thrika. His eyes were warm and friendly, but there was something else, it almost looked like… longing or perhaps sorrow. “I just want to catch up with you.”
“There really hasn’t been much that has happened since the last time we saw each other.” Thrika said dismissively. “I was marooned on a planet. Not too different from when I was exiled. And then I’m sure you know of the sentencing once they found me.”
“First of all, the last time we saw each other barely counts.” Vanto said, rolling his eyes. “Second of all, I just wanted to have a friendly chat and check up on you.”
“I wasn’t aware I needed checking up on.”
“Of course not.” Vanto sighed and crossed his arms. “Thrika, you’ve been through a lot these last couple years. I thought it might be nice for you to talk about it with a friend. We are friends, right?”
“Of course we are, Eli.” She smiled at him. “But I don’t want you to worry about me. You need to stay focused on the work you’re doing. Bridger will-“
“No.” Vanto cut her off firmly. “This isn’t about him. I want to know that you’re gonna be okay. They took you out of the fight, that has to hurt.”
“The decision of the Ascendancy has been made. My job now is to respect their decision.”
“Of course you’d say that.” Vanto put a hand on his head. “What about the Chimera ? It was destroyed, I imagine some lives were lost with it. Surely that hurts?”
“I am a warrior.” Thrika said darkly. “Yes, I will admit that the loss hurt. But I know how to deal with it and I would rather not speak of that.”
“I understand.” Vanto looked at her, more liked studied her closely. “There’s something else. I can tell it’s something you don’t want to talk about. But I wanna know.”
“Commander Vanto. My personal problems-“
“Are something you need to talk to friends about.” Vanto said firmly. “You just said we’re friends. I want you to tell me what happened in the year that I was gone. I know something did. I could see in your face then, I can see it in your face now.”
“You’re almost like a brother to me. But I can’t talk about it here. Trust me.” She tried in earnest to shut the conversation down.
“I checked the room. I encrypted all of the security cameras. Nothing leaves this room. Now tell me.”
Thrika trusted Eli more than she did most people. He was intelligent and kind. If he said the room was secure, the room was secure. But to tell him what was so heavy on her heart…
Tears that she had been holding back for the last several weeks (more like years, actually) started to cloud her vision threatening to spill over.
“My brother.” She said almost against her will.
“Thrass?“
“No. My younger brother.”
“I thought you said he died at a young age.” Vanto’s gaze held curiosity.
“That is what I had been led to believe.” Thrika took a shallow breath. “I was wrong. He’s alive and-“ She felt herself become choked up. Like she couldn’t continue talking about it. The pain was fresh again suddenly.
“Did something happen?” Vanto’s voice was soft, distant.
“He hates me.” She whispered. “And I deserve it. Just as I deserve this punishment.” Despite her best efforts, tears began to leak out of her eyes.
“Don’t talk like that.” Vanto stood up and walked to her side, kneeling by her chair. “You are one of the best people I’ve ever known. You don’t deserve any of this. You should hear how angry Admiral Ar’alani was.”
“I know you and the Admiral think highly of me.” Thrika turned to him. “But are you sure you really know me?”
“Oh come on.” Vanto laughed a little, “I was practically glued to your side for over a decade.”
“You’d be surprised how much can happen in a year. Maybe the woman I am now is not the same as the one you knew then.”
“Then I’ll get to know the new you. And I’ll learn to love her just the same as I loved the other.”
Thrika stayed quiet. The idea of him being able to get to know her better as she had become was appealing. But she didn’t know if they would really have the chance. Nor did she know if he should know who she was.
“Listen.” Vanto had apparently realized she wasn’t going to say anything else. “I don’t know what happened between you and him. But it doesn’t have to define you.”
“It doesn’t.” She said firmly, “I just lost him again, that’s all. Some losses run too deep to ever fully heal.”
“Well, you’re not gonna lose me. I know I’m not a replacement for either of your brothers. But I hope that I can at least be someone you’re willing to talk to.”
“Thank you, Eli. I will take that into consideration.” She looked straight ahead without another word.
“I get it. You don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Vanto took his questis back out. “Tell me about Bridger.”
~
Eli requested for Thrika to come and talk with him twice a week. He didn’t really need to do so for his research but he sure as hell wanted the excuse to talk to his friend.
It was still strange seeing her in coveralls instead of a military uniform. Even weirder that she no longer held any military rank. It reminded him so much of when they first met. In many ways, this was another form of exile.
“How’s life on the ranch?” Eli asked, watching as Thrika pulled her long braid over her shoulder.
“Oh, it’s not bad. There’s always plenty of work to be done. Bomarmo always has something for me to help with.” She said calmly.
“And is he nice to you?” Eli asked. He was always prepared to give anyone who disrespected Thrika a stern talking to. Often times the xenophobic imperial officers’ only saving grace had been her explicitly asking him not to do anything. It would continue to be the same with these stuffy chiss.
“Oh, don’t worry. He’s wonderful.” She said, barely concealing her smile. “He was immediately kind to me. And he’s made my life last few months so much less painful than I imagined it would be.
“Oh?” Eli’s raised his eyebrows. “So, do you like him?”
“I would consider him to be a friend, yes.” She said, apparently missing the layers of his question. Typical.
“No, I mean-“ He cut himself off. He heard someone… snicker? That didn’t make any sense. He had checked and double checked to make sure that the room was secure. Was someone listening in?
Thrika sighed and looked up to a spot in the corner of the room.
“Bridger.” She said firmly, yet calmly. “Come out of the vent please.”
After quite a ruckus, Ezra emerged from the vent and landed gracefully on the floor.
“Sorry, I was just eavesdropping.” Ezra said casually. “Actually, scratch that. I’m not sorry.”
Eli stood, after the shock wore off, and started walking towards Ezra. Irritating little shit.
“Why exactly were you spying on us in the vent?” Eli asked in a way more reasonable tone than the situation really called for.
“I wanted to make sure you weren’t talking badly about me.” Ezra shrugged, then he looked past Eli to Thrika. “Instead, I found out that Grand Admiral stick-in-the-mud over there, has a little crush on the farmer. Now, that's blackmail material.” Ezra looked damn proud of himself for that. Eli wasn’t particularly pleased with the whole situation.
“What?” Thrika sounded surprised. “First of all, he’s not a farmer, he’s a rancher.”
“Same thing.” Ezra rolled his eyes.
“No, not really.” Thrika continued, “And I don’t have a crush on him, that’s silly. I’m not a child anymore. He is simply a friend.”
“Just a friend?” Ezra laughed again. “Oh come on. If he’s ‘just a friend’ then why does your heart rate increase and your face turn purple whenever you talk about him?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Really?” Ezra looked at Eli then back to Thrika. “Maybe I should start calling you grand admiral clueless.”
“Will you ever run out of those immature nicknames?” Thrika asked with an exasperated tone.
“Nope!” Ezra pronounced proudly.
“Whatever, I assure you that my feelings about Bomarmo are strictly platonic.” Thrika said with a stern expression that she shot towards Ezra.
“Are you sure about that?” Eli asked. Thrika turned to him, apparently surprised that he was siding with Ezra.
“Yes I am.” She said, her face now perplexed.
“Well, I won’t push it then.” Eli said, “But it just seems to me like you might have more feelings than you’re even letting yourself onto.”
“I don’t know what you-“ Thrika was cut off by the sound of a notification coming from Eli’s questis.
Eli grimaced and checked it. Both he and Ezra were being summoned to have another follow up about the new training elements that Ezra had suggested. He wanted nothing more than to stay with Thrika, but duty called.
“We have to go.” Eli said with a sigh. He looked up at her and smiled softly. “In all seriousness, don’t forget what I said about talking to friends. I’m not always going to be available, obviously. But it seems like he is, why don’t you try talking to him about these things that trouble you?”
Thrika looked like she was going to argue but instead she just acknowledged Eli’s suggestion before calmly saying her farewells and leaving.
Eli watched her go, feeling a slight emptiness. After a moment, he gestured for Ezra to walk with him. While they made their way down the hall in relative silence Eli thought about the secret that the three of them shared. Raw’nuru was out there somewhere, if others found him, they would probably want to bring him back. Perhaps even against his will. Even more concerning than that, if they found out that Thrika was his sister… Well, it has been made very clear to him in the last few years that they weren’t above doing some less than ethical things to get their way. All for the good of the Ascendancy.
~
Thrika was just sitting in the chair that had essentially become hers. Watching Bomarmo from the corner of her eye, her thoughts turned to what Eli had said, about confiding in her friend.
“I’m pretty sure they’re trying to silence me.” She said.
“Just now realized that?” Bomarmo chuckled, “Two’s company, I suppose.”
“What do you mean?” She asked, turning to him.
“We’re both being kept quiet.” He said walking over to sit across from her.
“What about you, then?” She asked. “What do you know?” It occurred to her she shouldn’t ask that, but she didn’t care.
Bomarmo’s expression became dark. “I know what they do to those girls.”
“What do you mean?” She asked, quite confused.
“I know how they take them from their families and take their memories.” He said.
“What are you trying to say?” Thrika asked, knowing full well exactly the kind of thing he was implying. But she didn’t want to believe it, she couldn’t let herself.
“They call it the fading.” Bomarmo explained, “I’m not sure exactly what they do, if they put it in their food or water or drug them in some other way. But they take away all memories of the girls' families. Make it to where they don’t know where they came from. So that they can better be slaves to the Ascendancy.”
“Slaves?” Thrika stood, indignant. “They are incredibly valued resources, we treat them with the utmost respect and protection. They are vital to our survival as species.”
Bomarmo looked up at her with a surprising amount of sadness. “Exactly what the military told you to think about them. Yes, their navigational abilities are important. But did you ever stop to think if they were ever given a choice? Did you ever start to wonder why their family names were taken away or if their parents had any say in the matter?”
“I just didn’t think about it…”
“No, of course you didn’t. You are shown something that’s clearly not quite right and told that it’s normal. You’ve always known something was off about it, haven’t you?”
Thrika sat back down, she knew he wasn’t lying. Still, she really didn’t want to believe it. The implications of what he said…
“They don’t remember their parents or siblings?” She whispered.
“No. Easier to control them that way.”
“That’s how they get them to leave their homes and do the Ascendancy’s bidding.” She put her head in her hands, “That’s why my brother doesn’t remember me.”
“Brother? That’s the… Jedi you were talking about?”
Thrika nodded. Raw’nuru had said he didn’t remember her. She just didn’t realize the full implications of that fact.
“No. No they can’t have- He was just a boy.” Thrika looked at Bomarmo, pleading, but for what? There was nothing he could do.
“And my daughter was just a girl. Now she doesn’t know my name or my face.” Bomarmo said.
“Your daughter?” No, she really didn’t know what to do with it. How was she supposed to be confronted with this truth? This terrible truth. The Ascendancy was supposed to fight for its people, not tear them apart. But that’s what they were doing.
However, it had always been her duty to protect the Ascendancy. No matter what measures she had to take to do so. This was one such measure.
“I’m sorry. I know how painful it can be to lose someone you care for.” She tried as hard as she could to remove emotions from her tone and from her heart. But it wasn’t that easy.
“I lost my entire world that day. And I lost my freedom too. Following her is what caused me to end up here. I’m just as trapped as you are.”
The way he looked at her when he met her eyes. That must have been the first time in her life she didn’t feel quite so alone in how she felt about her brother at least. Thrass tried to sympathize but he hadn’t understood. Thalias had understood but she came from the other side and therefore couldn’t really sympathize.
Bomarmo knew, and he didn’t need to sympathize because he knew.
“At least you got to see him. Know that he’s alright.”
“That’s the thing. He’s not.” Thrika stood up and walked out of the room, not wanting to get into it anymore. Raw’nuru was a Jedi in the Empire fighting in a fruitless rebellion. He was the exact opposite of safe and most certainly not alright. Not by the standards she would have wanted.
She pressed her hand into the wall, feeling as if she might lose her balance as she thought about all of the peril that he constantly put himself in. Fighting for what he believed in, what he had been raised to believe. In that moment she resented the Ascendancy. She resented them sending him away. He could’ve been a normal sky-walker and served his time and been adopted to a ruling family. Maybe even the Mitth like her. She resented them for taking him away at all in the first place. What would they have been like if they had grown up together? They could’ve been as close as she and Thrass had been. Perhaps closer.
She hated the Empire too. She hated it because it hated her brother. She knew that it would hunt him down and kill him or worse turn him into the same kind of monster that had become of Anakin Skywalker. She wasn’t fool enough to realize that anything else had happened. She hated the Emperor, she hated Darth Vader, she hated anyone who might dare to cause her brother harm. She hated herself in that moment for the same reason.
Thrika never liked to cry. It showed weakness. She cried a lot when she was a little girl. All the other children had teased her for it. In joining expansionary defense fleet, she’d been taught the best thing she could do was keep an emotional calm. Never ever let any anger or fear or sorrow take her over. She felt a lot like that little girl again in the last several months. So again, against her better judgment, she started to cry.
Leaning into her emotions, part of her desperately hoping that it would make them go away. It didn’t. She just stood there looking like a fool. She felt two arms wrap around her and almost as if she was on auto pilot, she found herself lying her head onto his shoulder as he held her and she cried through the stupid feelings that she had over somebody who in all honesty she barely knew. Of course, part of what made her cry was over herself and not knowing if she was really anyone worthwhile anymore. Maybe she didn’t know that woman either.
No. She couldn’t think like that. She couldn’t think at all. Not about the cruel past or the bleak future only…
His arms around her. Him holding her and treating her like she was worth more than just a resource. Like she was a person.
That exact moment wasn’t so bleak. Thrika twisted out of the embrace enough to look at Bomarmo’s face. They were so close. His eyes met hers, patiently, maybe even expectantly.
“I don’t want to think about any of that right now.” She said, thinking about things she could do nothing about did no good. Theoretically, she could run away. She could go and tear the galaxy apart trying to find him. But she was needed even if in some small way. She had to trust that Raw’nuru could take care of himself. No, best not to even think about it.
“Then what do you want to think about?” Bomarmo asked. A simple answer came to her mind, one that she knew had been true for a while but she was afraid to admit to herself. Eli knew, he was always so smart.
“You”
She leaned in cautiously. He was the one who closed the distance between them. There was an odd desperation to it, almost as if it was meant to be. Maybe he’d been waiting for it for a long time.
When she woke up the next morning in his bed, she knew that something inside of her was going to heal. Not everything, it would be impossible to fix all that had been broken, but there could be happiness.
However, she didn’t believe it could ever wash away the guilt.
~
“Leave it down.” Thalias insisted.
“Are you sure? It would be nice up.” Thrika said.
“Yes, but you always wore it up in the fleet.”
“And in the Navy.” Eli added.
“I suppose you’re right.” Thrika conceded. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw her hair down. She looked exactly like what she was supposed to, a bride. It wasn’t quite so fancy… but it was more than she’d ever hoped for.
“I don’t know about this.” She said with a sigh.
“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet.” Eli scolded, “Thalias and I have done too much planning for it all to go to waste.”
“No, I’m not.” She promised. “I want to marry him, I just…”
“You’re hesitant about being rematched away from the Mitth.” Thalias supplied.
“Yes.” Thrika said with a far off look. “I know that I’ve had some… troubles with them and that I’m hardly even a member of the family at this point. It just meant so much to me over all these years. Especially because of Thrass.”
“Trust me.” Thalias said. “I understand. I waited until Mak’ro was promoted to Commodore to marry him because I didn’t want there to be even the slightest debate about me leaving.”
“Change will be good for me. Even if it’s something as small as a name. Really, that’s all it is now.”
Thalias put her hand on Thrika’s shoulder. “All this talk of name changing reminds me.” She pulled out a gold chain and put it into Thrika’s hand.
She looked down at it to see the pinwheel shaped medal.
“Ba’kif told me to give it to you. He regrets not being able to come in person, but he decided that your wedding day would be the best time.”
She considered it for a moment and then hooked it around her neck. She smiled to herself, Mitth or not, her brother would be proud.