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Seonghwa remembered it really well...
.
That day was really cloudy, it seemed like it was going to rain and yet even if Seonghwa loved that type of days, it depressed him in that specific moment. He let the courtain fall down from his hand again. He was alone at home and he couldn't avoid the loneliness that filled his heart, the rest had another person who could make them company, while he was here, longing for Hongjoong to come and be right by his side.
He knew that him and Joong weren't the closest ones in their group, most of the time the younger was always on the studio keeping himself busy and he didn't come back home until he finished every project he already had started. That kept them away from talking daily and sometimes it felt like just having someone unknown around him.
His heart clenched a little, the fact of even thinking about that sounded so selfish to him, Joong worked hard for them and wanting a little time of attention from the other make him feel like he wasn't cosiderate of what Hongjoong made for them—but actually he was. He looked at his hands and then made sweater paws, it was going to be a really long day.
He let his place besides the window to go to the cupboard on his—their—room to look for one of the many set of legos the boys gifted him through the years. He was extremely grateful that he had the amusement that kept him from the boredom when he was a kid and his parents didn't stay at home. It was like a deja vu for him. He careless chose one—he was going to make all of them either ways—and took a seat on the carpet that he had just tidied.
He opened the box with ultimate care and laid it next to him when he took everything of inside, it was going to take him a while to put everything together so he put some lo-fi music too. They didn't usually have free days so he was woing to use the non-schedule day as if it was one of them. After an hour, he started to have neck cramps and he decided to stretch a little his neck, when again, the intrusive thoughts about Joong came back.
He pouted a little looking at the legos on his hands, maybe and just maybe he was more displeased about everything because he always supported Joong even before predebut when he knew about him on their old dance academy and, the other when they met, never spared him a second glance; not even trying to befriend him. He didn't know why all this thoughts were coming back all at the same time, but he felt his eyes start to prickle with tears. He hated his very emotional self and he wasn't going to cry, so he rubbed his eyes with newly made sweater paws before letting any tear to fall down. He wasn't going to cry for Hongjoong, again.
As if the world had heard him, Hongjoong entered their dorm saying his typical "I'm in home" that made Hwa's heart do leaps as when a dog moved his tail when their owner came back.
What a lame description, he thought. Minutes before he was really upset because of Hongjoong and now he was acting like his heart wasn't aching a few ago.
The steps were louder and then the door opened.
"Oh, Hwa, you're here." Hongjoong smiled gently. "I thought you were out with the rest, you didn't answer when I came home."
"Sorry, Joong, I was really deep im my mind." Not a lie tho. "How is that you're here? It's not that I don't like it, it's just you said you were going to be away for the whole day." He rushed to explain to not to sound mean.
"That? Well.." Hongjoong started but Seonghwa interrupted him fastly.
"Did you forgot something and that's why you're here?" He stood up from the floor and started turning to look around even if the younger didn't say anything. When he heard Hongjoong chuckle, he felt his heart beating a little faster, he was whipped for his laugh—and for the little man too, but he wasn't going to ever admit it.
"Hwa! Just let me finish," he turned him to be face to face, "I'm here because I finished a song and I want you to hear it before anyone." The older tilted his head slightly and furrowed his brows, him? Why?
"Before the boys in general?" Seonghwa murmured curious. It was a whole sight for Hongjoong to have the oldest of all of them being nosey like a little kid.
"Before even Eden." The curious one just opened his mouth roundly and gaped a few times before talking.
"Why?"
"Come with me and you'll see." Hongjoong smirked knowing he had drawn all of Seonghwa's attention.
The ride to their company was rather silent, Hwa was almost sure that Joong was able to hear the gears running in his head but he couldn't care less. He knew that sometimes Joong asked him his opinion about the songs, but it was never before Eden hearing them and this was weird. He started playing roughly with his hands, it was involuntary but when he was nervous he couldn't stop it. When Hongjoong took one of them he felt himself blushing, it didn't last long tho because they had arrived. And in less than five minutes they were on Joong's studio.
"There you have." The younger gave him the headphones. "This is something I always wanted to tell you."
Seonghwa felt more nervous if that was possible but when he heard the melody and the voice of Honjoong filled his ears everything felt like a dream.
"These days, I keep on thinking about this I’ve been doing pretty well until now and I think the proof of that is you
We fought and targeted each other
But we just took each other for granted I feel uneasy when saying these words
You know what I mean"
He smiled slightly.
"I have something to say
This is what I wanted to say I’ve been thinking about it all night
When I think of you, there’s a lot I’m sorry for
I want to say these words now
Thank you
(Thank you for being on my side)
Thank you for being able to walk by your side
(Thank you for being on my side)
Thank you because we can depend on each other on this tough world In the event of a typhoon
When the rain is heavy and the wind rises
You and me, you and me
It’s always the two of us"
His smile morfed to a whole expression of shock.
"It’s a good day even if we don’t say a single word
When we’re all here, not just one
I’m going to sleep and then I’m going to wake up to your humming sound
Yeah, we can’t play like we used to
But after looking inside of me
What’s the rush?
Rise and shine every day’s a new day"
His eyes filled with tears.
"I have something to say
This is what I wanted to say I’ve been thinking about it all night
When I think of you, there’s a lot I’m sorry for
I want to say these words now
Thank you
(Thank you for being on my side)
Thank you for being able to walk by your side
(Thank you for being on my side)
Thank you because we can depend on each other on this tough world In the event of a typhoon
When the rain is heavy and the wind rises
You and me, you and me
It’s always the two of us"
A tear felt.
"The waves are stopping and the sun’s setting
I open my eyes and look around
I feel like you’re here and I go away
Let’s keep on walking together, cheers In this rough world, if we are together"
He let one sob escape from his lips.
"Thank you
(Thank you for being on my side)
Thank you for being able to walk by your side
(Thank you for being on my side)
Thank you because we can depend on each other on this tough world In the event of a typhoon
When the rain is heavy and the wind rises
You and me, you and me
It’s always the two of us
(Thank you for being on my side)
You and me, you and me
(Thank you for being on my side)
You and me, you and me
In the event of a typhoon
When the rain is heavy and the wind rises
You and me
It’s always the two of us"
He was officialy crying and sobbing, without the time for stopping to breath.
His chest hurt, his heart hurt and his eyes hurt, but finally it wasn't from sadness, it was from happiness. Hongjoong just made a whole song to thank him, he couldn't believe it, but the song itself repeating on the headphones was the proof. He didn't know what made him cry harder, the fact that Hongjoong always had considered him that important in his life or that the whole song was only with his voice and it was more personal for both of them.
Hongjoong smiled apologetically while he got on his knees to wipe the other's tears out with a tissue. Seonghwa grabbed his sweatshirt on the zone his heart was, crying loudly. Hongjoong couldn't endure to not to hold him close, so he hugged him.
"Shhh, everything is okay." Seonghwa cried on his chest passing the grip to Hongjoong's shirt.
"I thought you didn't really felt comfortable around me and you didn't really want to be my friend." Hongjoong's face was painted with worriesome, and his eyes turned a little to sadness. Seonghwa managed to calm a little and just cry without sobbings in between.
"I'm really sorry Seonghwa, I didn't really mean to make you feel like that, is just..." He took a deep breath and took one of Seonghwa's cheeks on his hand. "I always felt and feel so vulnerable around you because you always knew what I felt, and I didn't knew how to explain how many positive things you made me feel, so I tried to avoid it because it was new." He could see how Hongjoong's eyes let the first tears to fall. "I didn't mean to hurt you in any way, is just I felt I couldn't match the energy you always gave me, so I gave up before even trying." Both were crying at the same time, their hearts just held many feelings and that precise moment felt like a catharsis.
"Promise me, you'll always going to tell me what bothers you, please." Seonghwa leaned into Hongjoong's palm. "And I'll do the same, because I can't stand the fact that all of this was because we didn't talk properly."
"I promise it to you, my star." Seonghwa giggled between his tears and his heart fluttered when Joong kissed his nose. "You know, Hwa? I think you're my soulmate."
The older said no word and hugged him strongly, feeling safe, feeling loved.
.
He snapped from his thoughts when Hongjoong dragged him by the sweatshirt string, and then hugged his waist. He couldn't be more joyful in that moment.